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 Author Thread: WOULD YOU DATE AN ALIEN?
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 134 (view)
 
WOULD YOU DATE AN ALIEN?
Posted: 10/4/2009 12:36:25 PM
I have and am and would in the future.... being as I'm one myself.
Too old to kidnap any kids though and I think mine could fight back pretty effectively if need be at this point.

But I had noticed that people jump to extreme versions of cultural differences, sometimes even some of the little ones can make or break ya too. How about north and south or California and New York... aren't those cultural differences too? Professional and blue collar, black/white... someone from a big family and an only child.... hey life's a crap shoot even if you've lived down the street your whole lives... no guarantees any way you try.

Who's to say your soul mate isn't out there somewhere speaking another language waiting for you right now?
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 178 (view)
 
Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:10:40 AM
Because I breathe...

to breathe is to live, to live well is to want to give and recieve love (or some reasonable facsimile),
to be able to love makes you more than an instinctual animal.... a reasoning higher being supposedly.
Some hold em and some fold em.....
but I choose to stay in the game as long as the gods allow
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 90 (view)
 
The most important virtue over 60...for women and men.
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:01:01 AM
Oldfolkie said it best:
It is a tough question! I think that I would have to say "humor". If you can laugh at your quirks and foibles, and smile at those of your partner, then life is much better. Humor includes the concept of tolerance, acceptance and even wisdom, at least to me.
A smile can go a very long ways in smoothing the rough patches inevitable in any relationship.


If you've got this.... it means all the other bases have been covered .
But it always amazes me how little of it there is around and how full of themselves a lot of folks are, some really don't live and learn .
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 321 (view)
 
Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 9/19/2009 11:44:40 PM
oldfolkie on 9/20/2009 7:06:06 AM

Subject: Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Message: Yay! She's back!!

Hi kids .... getting primed for another long winter here in Don Juan heaven Cin Cin

Apparently my past proceeds me and I'm still on short message no no :(.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Good O, Bad Sex?
Posted: 9/19/2009 11:33:58 PM

So now the question. I know that women often have to complain for not getting an O during sex, but would you ladies say it is common to get an O from bad sex?


Well dears there are the pleasant but passing sneezes.... then there are the rock your world, who am I and what lucky star was this guy born under?!! Let's say it's a question of degree .
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 318 (view)
 
Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:45:53 PM
Just who wouldn't want a savvy, experienced, uninhibited, playful and joyful mature woman when a young man is in his prime yet needing some proper education for the betterment of females everywhere? Sounds like good sense to me .
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 124 (view)
 
Know what really ticks me off?
Posted: 4/5/2009 11:34:30 AM
Well if we could find a damn rubber band tight enough, we could just pull it all up to the top of our heads and consider it a way to make our hair look thicker too .

And with these words of warped wisdom from humungo:

I think what ticks you off is that the ad reminds you of the fact that young looks better than old. So in your anger you pick apart the ad, in an attempt to destroy the enemy of your self-image. The ad wouldn't anger you if you weren't already angry at life for making you old. The ad makes you feel surrounded by a world that thinks poorly of your appearance, and that is no fun. It's a threat. You do what it takes in your life to avoid dealing with that problem and then here through the TV comes an intruder to dispel your fragile peace with the ravages of time. Then you have to recite the litany of affirmations that restore your state of aged grace. After refuting the reminder that youth looks better than age, you return to life as it can be between annoying TV commercials. Such is the habit of crabbing at the TV.


I take it this was referring to the female side of the equation right? Cause lord knows that guys don't age, they have the 'special' mirror that makes them look eternally 24 (in their eyes that is ).

Just hang in there a sec humungo at 49, your day of reckoning is coming down the pike pretty soon too... never fear. Then you can snivel and whine with the rest of us old fogies ....

In the mean time you probably drove 100 more women to the docs and gave Gwen an even bigger headache.

Damned if you do and/or damned if ya don't, right Gwen?

What it is .
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Too old to have another child?
Posted: 4/4/2009 12:22:08 AM
iamtechnogod
<div class="quote">I have a question....In the PoF world, Do you consider my age as too old to raise a child?

Hey bud you do what feels right for you, if you can find it. I had my last kid at 41 and I enjoyed it, altho now I'm dating and he is finding it a tad strange that the old lady is tripping the light fantastic . Ah oh well.

At 47 you could very well meet someone who wants that too.

Personally if I had it to do it over, I would have had the kids younger so that I would be totally free now... but hey, you deal with how the dice roll...
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 101 (view)
 
To lelathecat:
Posted: 4/3/2009 11:47:12 PM
Ya know the more I read this thread, the more I think that this is a Very Common Response of fight or flight... or just blame the other person.... cause it couldn't possibly be ME. I've seen it in the workplace, on committees, married one, well and actually had a mother like this. Personally I just find it just plain wimpy, that you're not taking care of your part of getting thru this lifetime of ours present and accounted for.

It fundamentally comes down to OWNERSHIP, you either own who you are and your actions and reactions... or you blame someone else for all your woes, not exactly the sign of an overly reflective conscious person. We're here to live and learn and if your not learning and just passing on woe wherever you go... who wants you?

A lot of people have talked about it being abuse... I say you can only be abused if you allow yourself to be.
I do understand that these people can start hooking you in by acting a certain way and slowly get into their true selves when under stress, but who lives a stress free life? Whether in a work situation or at home, cooperating and evolving as a group or as a couple is stressful business.. all change is stressful.... that's life.

Calling them psychotic or sociopaths, while this could well be applied in some cases.... more commonly I believe is a learned behavior within a family system. Solution? Stressing more logical thinkng skills early on and throughout in schools? Recognizing, emphasizing and acknowledging this is an unproductive way to deal with life, that actually creates more stress than it alleviates.

My advise would be if you've given it your best shot and there is no penetration... then make them be gone and don't regret one more instant.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 64 (view)
 
gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted: 3/27/2009 12:11:47 AM
Well I completely eliminated written 'relationships' about a year ago.... enough was enough. If I needed to consult the DSVM-IV to find out where I was... it was time to crank up the frogs tongues and newts tails to ward off the bad juju!

Disfunction in real life is hard enough to deal with, but I refuse to feed into someones 'virtual' disfunction... absolutely. If they refuse to meet up within a week to a month and show some serious intent and purpose, its hasta la vista baby. Whether it's gaslighting, NPD or just plain too lazy to deal with real life and get out of the house....I won't play.

I was in an IM on a site last night, where this guy started out the conversation by saying what a nice guy he is and what a horrible, miserable life he had had and proceeded to go down the list from birth to 55....(yeah I know, I drank too much coffee last night and there was nothing on tv ) and actually in the hell or high water department, he did seem to be winning both races! I mean darn tootin,' bad chit does happen to good people....BUT....when I wouldn't play the sympathy card and offered up alternative solutions to a negative existence... he started getting very snippy.... The fact is, that this is where he lives and where he is stuck and where he is most comfortable.... and he is searching for a woman to cluck cluck and 'Oh poor you' him to the grave...... a huge suppurating wound looking for, not a bandage but a blanket for his woe. Was he aware he had issues, yeah I think he was on some level and simply chose not to deal with them or discovered this method to handle it: His choice instead was to dump his stuff on some sympathetic innocent bystander until they sacrificed their lives for his.....not a healthy cowboy. And I'm sure if somewhere along the line the woman asked for something for herself in return..... would be told exactly what a 'selfish' b1tch she really is .

Would you call this gaslighting waiting to happen or NPD or any other semi sociopathic 'need to be me above anyone else'?
Could be.. and may have actually had many good reasons to be that.....but is this something any sane person would want to bring into their lives??? .... I certainly hope not.

So we live and learn... isn't that what we're here on Earth for?
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 82 (view)
 
Sexual Evolution
Posted: 3/23/2009 10:53:45 AM
Well there's a woman who is relishing her female role gentleman. Right Mxchic...no stress filled glass ceiling for you ay?

tuezday:

We live in a culture that has emasculated men.


While I agreed with much of what Tuezday had to say so beautifully.... I don't believe that this statement is anywhere near the mark.

We are ALL in confusion about our roles, we are all changing (well most of us ) I don't think that this has been a struggle for power either.... but a struggle for an equality in life... to not be second class citizens anymore, to have choices, to be able to pursue intellectual interest and not dumb down because that's the way it's always been , to be able to support our children when the man has chosen not to help fulfill his responsibility as a parent. It's been about the status quo and changing the structure of entitlement. Not to feel superior to a man, but to feel as valued as a man.

Isn't this what most of the arguments are about?:
"These have been my rights since the beginning of time and I don't want them changed."

And now we are all stuck in the dilemma..... Raphaels feeling like he's unappreciated for being himself as man and Inicias:


How do you think people become sexually evolved? How is someone who can't even make their own choice about shaving their armpits without having beer cans and corncobs thrown at them by a huge group of their sexual counter parts supposed to feel comfortable with ALL of their sexuality in front of a sexual counter part???


That double standard that calls 'sexual' women... cvnts, whores, sluts if they like their sexuality, yet were considered 'easy' if they liked it TOO much. 'Good' girls were raised NOT to put out until they were married, BAD girls liked sex. And who called them these names or threw those beer cans as Inicia said..... the men, and the women they pulled along with them trying to win approval... of men. Then there's Renman:



It's still sorting out, but the intellectual rationale for the "sexual revolution" was that women wanted to break out of a "passive" role, and to create a more equal framework, where women would feel free to act on their sexual needs, without having to conform to an outmoded paradigm.


What sexual revolution? Even in my hippy days the girls/women were still doing the 'chores' while the guys hovered around getting loaded waiting for the food to arrive . Sure we got permission to screw without the guilt, but the 'paradigm' never changed. Women take care of the grunt work and now are required to open legs on demand, if not, we are b1tches and ball busters and emasculating men.



To a large degree, that influences my thinking. I have no interest in a woman who wants to play "hard to get", although the random "hook ups" have little appeal at this point. Still, internally and intuitively, I find it laughable, when I hear someone use the word "slut". Why would the rules be any different for women than men. With everyone I know in the real world, they aren't, and I haven't heard anyone use the word "slut", since I was in high school.


You may not say SLUT out loud, but that doesn't mean you don't think it (welcome to 'politically correct') and trust me the water cooler grapevine is still alive and well. And I've seen it over and over with the older men online, they seek and choose the women who are the newest divorced and the least sexually active....#1) because they think they are the most desperate for sex and #2) because they know that they haven't been fooling around, so are physically safe. Why aren't they chasing the obviously sexually active ones then... if sex is all they'd expect from the girls? So supposedly nice men chase nice girls...... just not toooo nice and hopefully horny as hell because she's been doing without.

Or the new trend is to shoot for a taste and then dump them because...nope that wasn't... The One, better taste another one... or simply make a habit of it until it becomes a lifestyle and you can avoid the whole "human respect issue" altogether, it really is messy those darned women wanting a Relationship, when I'm having so much fun going down the endless list of 'clean' options. I'm not saying you personally Ren, but this is the MO for many men on the internet, if you didn't know this before, now you do.... and I'm not even going to mention the 'get em 20 yrs younger thing', cause that's a whole other kettle of fish.

Don't you get it? Do you think we don't see this going on? That we are deaf, dumb and blind... as well as underpaid and overworked?

That's where OUR frustration comes in... and why we get cranky....it's mens sense of ENTITLEMENT. Because many men feel they are entitled to whatever they want, when they want it, using whatever lie works. Oddly enough this pisses us off. This is not what we want in a man, no matter how horny we get....and we do.

So if you want us to respect you as human beings.... it's a two way street.... ya get what ya give. And to believe that we don't want to Respect men as honorable, moral and upright, with some sense of what is Right....you are sorely mistaken. We want it just as much as us wanting to be respected for what we contribute, Equally.

I think what it comes down to in a womans mind is the Moral Dilemma of what we're living with today.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 12:19:30 PM

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting an emotional attachment.
When we say that I think we are saying we want someone to love us....and if you don't love us or care about us..then is looks like it is just sex. I am not really comfortable with sex with a lot of different partners even though I have given the casaul thing a try here and there. I figure don't knock it till you've tried it.
But it left me feeling empty and at times even more alone.

I know I don't need a man who loves me to be happy on a day to day basis.
I feel happy most of the time as my life goes on. I enjoy my work, my family and my friends. There is a lot that is good.
But I do think having someone you love and who love you back, takes life to a different plane.


That's it exactly it Tuanda.......


So how do you find someone who does want a positive complete relationship vs someone who is using smoke screens to just get laid?


THAT is the question Sapphire.
I really don't think that the men who post on here have the slightest notion of the sheer quantity of attention we get that is for no other reason than to just get laid... using whatever lie or tactic necessary. And what may have started out with a decent guy, as a way to get his dating skills back up to speed.... ends up becoming a lifestyle end in itself.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 1:43:16 AM
Some of the other things I noticed is attitudes, blaming the other person for their unhappiness. I have to admit many men have a changed position on relationships. No matter what in many cases a guy comes out of a 12+ year marriage, he usually has kids and gets wacked with alimony, hence his once burned attitude about marriage. Women though have expressed the same thing, now looking for a relationship not necessarily marriage.

Most guys I think now look for a woman to date, yes, have sex with and see where it goes. If it lasts 6 months or 6 years or the rest of their life is not the goal when starting out. Happiness is the goal, and since that is the goal, not establishing a certain lifestyle, house, kids, savings, planning for the future together, since no one really knows how it will go. Think about it and reply please. Bob


Give it up Sapphire..... they've found the gravy train and there's no turning back ..... 6 days, 6 months or.... 6 minutes.
Sad but true and this is the closest I've seen them come to coughing up the TRUTH. Just a shame they snivel and whine at us for feeling we'd like to go to bed with someone who actually cares about us as people, as we would them.

Little tasties and quick goodbyes are the order of the day, and bad mouthing us for wanting more, the amusement.

They've got their families, kids who will hover over them as their last breath draws near, all the possibility of sex on demand they can handle with no strings while they can still get it up....Ciao Baby.. and they're happy as clams with what the world has to offer them at the click of a finger... can't you hear their gleefulness?

We are dinosaur superfluous my dear, throw backs to a kinder gentler world that's gone out the window with wall phones and the Mowtown sound.. .

Right Bob? Put up and/or shut up... and be happy, happy, happy?

Argghhh.....

The whole point is that we have different views of what happiness is.... ya know?
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Does Labelling Hold Us Back?
Posted: 3/21/2009 10:55:04 PM

Fortunately for me I met someone on POF who chose to get to know me better & provide me with an opportunity to get to know them. As a result I feel like I’ve found the love of my life.


Congratulations gpb1953 ....nice to know someone/no.. 2 people, have kept their minds open enough to let someone in . I think all of us know just how rare this is.

All the best to both of you.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Relation with a women who is to much older then me
Posted: 3/19/2009 3:45:51 PM

But THIS younger man has only bragged about his sexual activity.. (or maybe just his fantasy of a sexual activity).
I really cannot believe how obvious it is that this is a trolling for sex thread, (or a way for him to get his thrills), and that it's not obvious to everyone else!
He tried with one thread, it got deleted. So he came back with this one. And a portion of you are buying into it.
Just my opinion.
Not that it really matters. It's actually kinda funny.


Ohhh ok girls... I was gone all day and just popped in before going out again, so I didn't see the first thread....
I bow to your instincts on this one Breath and Serenity.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Relation with a women who is to much older then me
Posted: 3/19/2009 11:10:57 AM
I don't believe he's trolling maybe he just has a need to know? Though it probably should have gone in the sex threads, then again I suppose he wanted the older folks opinions here, as he's got one.

And hey, some younger guys like older women believe it or not Serenity. For a number of reasons beyond and including the obvious, but that's another story better left untold at the moment.

But as you said.. stay on protection, if you choose to be monogamous....wait until the test results are in ... then party away.
Hmm... I had no idea about this 6 months prior to an aids test thing?

And as far as the language issue, there are many foreigners living 'not' in their own country, all over Europe, if you can afford it, qualify and have the grades, in or out of the European Union.... so he may be new to England. You can drive 400 miles and be in another country here and using a language you weren't raised with.

Lawrence there are plenty of fish in the sea, if you can't deal with the situation... then wave goodbye, you really shouldn't put yourself at risk at such a young age, if you believe that you are. You have your whole life in front of you and it's your job to protect it!
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Does Labelling Hold Us Back?
Posted: 3/19/2009 12:43:09 AM
What's interesting about this label thing ..... is that I feel that I have at least a thousand me's inside of me and do assume that others have layers upon layers inside of them too....which is the birth place of interest and curiosity for me. I am monumentally generous in peoples foibles as long as there really are multiple layers underneath the obvious and that their whole lives are not a cliche of what we should or shouldn't be by popular programming. If they are a one trick pony I do get seriously annoyed.... and define them as boring, so I guess that's a label.

We all filter unconsciously and consciously.... but I believe it's possible to be adult enough.... to be open to the benefit of a doubt... if I can see a smidgen of a few layers barely visible just under the edges.... being tooo quick to assess is counterproductive and quite common here in the online world unfortunately.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Are old people starting to look good to you?
Posted: 3/19/2009 12:25:50 AM
Well I am old on the outside .... and never dated older as a youngster, I think the oldest boyfriend I had was 3 yrs older than me. I've always attached to near my own age, so this aging thing can be such an annoyance now... for both of us sexes, I'm sure!

But 'people' have always looked good to me if their essence shines thru at whatever age, and have always appreciated a well turned 'older' gent; Yul Brenner, Sean Connery, Paul Newman etc. Maybe the ideal time for a mans appeal is 45, at the full bloom of his confidence and experiences and and women 35, still blessed with decent bodies and finally acquiring comfort and knowledge in their femalehood.

But time marches on and we readjust to what 'is' as best we can, yet as we've seen in so many threads here on pof.... it does seem to bother the men more than the women I think. I know that I make the effort to find the little boys lurking behind that old mans facade.... so wouldn't it be novel if they would do the same for us ?

And yet early 50s to my almost 60 seems to fit best now . Chit happens... as they say.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 121 (view)
 
WHAT IS THIS SPARK PEOPLE ARE SEARCHING FOR?
Posted: 3/16/2009 10:56:23 AM
I think everybody knows what it is Brainy... but the odds are they want it that night, get it and bail the next day looking for the next great spark ... I'd call it Compulsive Spark Addiction or gettin' the spark without enough combustion to turn the engine over all the way to the next day .
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 365 (view)
 
Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/16/2009 3:41:31 AM
I think the younger; get in, get off, get out mentality simply slows down enough later on life for a lot of men that hadn't taken the time before to smell the roses and enjoy their sensuality.
Some men are born with this talent, but in my experience it wasn't all that common on the average.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Sexual Evolution
Posted: 3/13/2009 1:46:19 AM
I think so much of the male/female conundrum we're experiencing now comes from this clumsy 'change' we've been going thru for the last 60 years. I mean really, we've gone from an agricultural, everyone knowing what their roles were, to everyone flailing around trying to find out where we belong..... it's a brave new world out here now.

And gentleman..... I applaud you too for seeing and wanting to find solutions, instead of falling into the same old backbiting bitterness!

I don't think that womens exploration of feminism was ever about being 'better' than men... but simply 'equal', for me it was simply wanting 'options'... not everyone is designed to be a housewife from birth to death. I wanted the the opportunities that men had and to chose what I wanted to do and to be paid the same for the same work. I don't think it ever occurred to me that this would upset men as much as it has seemed to. I have always liked men, had a dad I adored who never put me in a m/f box and always told me to follow my head and heart. It was later when out in the world that I found how unique that really was .

But as a single mother of 2 sons, the quandary of raising strong yet sensitive men able to accept and appreciate womens place in the grand scheme was not always easy once they started school and came home with others take on womens 'place'. I think all of us are missing rights of passage, an appreciation and acknowledgment of our own evolutions, children are children much longer now than in the past and it's harder than ever to make a smooth transition from childhood to adulthood.... now they are thrown in at the last minute going from nest to cold cruel world.... no wonder maturity is so undervalued these days, it usually means work, concentration and responsibility .... not 'fun' right?

I think men have been fearful of these changes we women have been going thru, simply because it is that... Change. Instead of seeing it as an improvement in their lives, as we are prepared to carry half the load and share our strengths for the mutual good of an interesting and productive life with our partners. They seem to be seeing it as a loss of power??? But why should there be power struggles between 2 people who love each other? If 2 men are working at the same job every day, do they go off into power struggles? No, they pool their strengths and attack the situation of the day as efficiently as possible. I know that's what I've always wanted, a partner willing to deal with what's on the table everyday for our mutual welfare... financially and emotionally.

When you think about it the John Wayne persona was a pretty big burden on the men too...all this silence and squelching of their thoughts and emotions, supposedly all knowing and responsible. I know that we women know we need a helping hand when we do and a shoulder and a hug when things get complicated... I think that that is HUMAN not female. Males are more depressed, commit more suicide, are more drug and alcohol addicted, more violent and die younger .... because of stuffing their feelings for years and years..... that's what society told them was appropriate behavior for a man. And frankly it's harmful to themselves and to society in the long run.

So gentlemen, relish your freedom as we want to relish ours with these changes.... we really want to have your back, just as much as we want your shoulder. . Let's face the future TOGETHER.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Maturity and Honesty??
Posted: 3/13/2009 12:15:51 AM

I really don't think the non-responders have any malevolent intent-they're just kinda callous, way too focused upon where they want to go to steer clear of the squirrel crossing in front of them. They leave roadkill, while the more civilized folks leave behind a much prettier wake.
Not sure it's dishonesty so much as just lacking even a modicum of respect for others we encounter.


Well that seems to be our dating world in a nutshell... RESPECT... and the LACK thereof.
So whytwater good for you if you're leaving behind a prettier wake, because it is where the maturity part should've fitted in.

And "the FADE"....? To me this is a great term for the men and women who fear being confronted on their immature, arbitrary behavior and guarantees that they will not have to deal with their actions having a reaction that they don't want to deal with.

Well so much for being grownups
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Maturity and Honesty??
Posted: 3/12/2009 11:56:36 PM

rearguard: "I usually say that I am not looking for dates at the current time, and that is the truth."


Hmm.... I had assumed that these were REAL dates, so these were all 'virtual' scenarios/rejections and not in real life? Just where do the shoes come in, an aversion to them even in photos?

Which does bring up the other aspect of online dating ..... the ones who lust after 'virtual romance' with no intentions of ever meeting someone in the real world. We humans are curious beings aren't we?
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
User search ....
Posted: 3/12/2009 10:59:17 PM
Yes a girlfriend wanted me to look at a particular persons profile, so I put him in the user search box and he wouldn't come up and she had just talked to him that day so I knew he was on site. They are from Australia, so I did wonder this morning if maybe, he had excluded people from outside their region, so wouldn't show up as available 'to me'... because I did pop in her alias as well and she didn't show up (tho no exclusions), then mine and I did??? Will play around with it again today.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
User search ....
Posted: 3/12/2009 4:33:01 AM
doesn't seem to work, I have a Mac does that matter?
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Maturity and Honesty??
Posted: 3/11/2009 2:18:23 PM

He's 50-ish going on 15-ish, imo.
I think he did the fade coz you weren't crawling all over him.


Hey Free . Yep I've seen this entitlement thing ad nauseum.... from 15 to 80, god.. I wish I could be that delusional.... .

 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Maturity and Honesty??
Posted: 3/11/2009 2:11:39 PM

You know Miss Rusty? I am quite sure that was the case. However, having said that, why not go off into the sunset after the meet? Why bother to email after? I would have gotten the hint...not just offa the turnip truck here you know!lol. Normally I do not post about a personal dating experience, but this type of conduct made me shake my head! In any event, I have chalked it up to an experience. His loss, not mine!


Moon? We know they broke the mold when they made you ..... and damn straight he wasn't worth the spit to shine your shoes Jerk!
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Maturity and Honesty??
Posted: 3/11/2009 2:05:30 PM
That's interesting Rear, I didn't know, tho I may have had those thoughts, because we women beat ourselves up more about our acceptability than men do I think.

Could I make a suggestion?

Just be honest, tell them what they want to know and then block them (good reason to have throw away email addresses). But it would solve 2 problems #1. letting them know 'why' they don't fit and #2. getting rid of them if they are obsessive.

I simply prefer someone more/less: thin, thick, busty, lively, younger, don't feel the sparks, older, active, interested in what I'm interested in, smarter (no, scratch that one ) I really don't know how to get around that one, maybe just revert back to the first 5?
But just give them the least painful TRUTH.... because we do know when you're lying. Then revert to #2 if all else fails.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Maturity and Honesty??
Posted: 3/11/2009 1:29:17 PM
Moon dear, oddly enough I think what Rear said is quite common:



Not nice, but it gets out of saying things that could be hurtful and arbitrary.....


Though why you couldn't say "Thanks I enjoyed myself, but I don't think there's a connection for ME.".... I don't know?

I know I would much prefer hearing that, than a 'disappear' even tho I know that is = to 'just not into you'. It's the chicken chit factor that gets on your nerves I think , I suppose because I would never pester someone who didn't like my company... for what? Tho I may be wondering, why couldn't he just be a man about it? But who knows how other women have/would react.... maybe there is some basis for slipping out the back door like a guilty kid?
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Are we falling into a pattern?
Posted: 3/10/2009 4:55:40 AM
Well there's stupid and there's stupid Wooby, I married a guy with an IQ of 165, yet was thick as a brick, who wove intricate spider webs of complication that did nothing but fabricate his own shroud. I've known some who had very simple lives and aspirations and yet could grasp the most complex philosophical concepts.

I know that I, like you maybe, tend to have a knee jerk reaction from one relationship to the next, pop from one extreme to the other.... always in the hope of finding that illusive happy medium between heart, common sense and curiosity..... rare birds indeed.

But really, I haven't a clue anymore if there are patterns or not, but certainly do see a lot of repetitive 'types' tripping around the net.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Are we falling into a pattern?
Posted: 3/9/2009 9:33:42 AM
Well there aren't all that many types are there?

Guys that only want to screw
Good guys
Bad guys
Good guys that end up being bad
Bad guys that end up being good
Guys who like women
Guys who don't

Color, size and shape optional

Did I cover it?
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 126 (view)
 
Advice on a sudden overdriven libido
Posted: 3/9/2009 9:19:16 AM
Oh rear, I adore how you know all about us women..... from 'your' standpoint of rationalization to suit yourself and basic dislike, certainly clarifies things for me and where exactly you're coming from.

So go out, play, be free, withhold, have fun, belittle, minimize and keep your years all safe and sound... nobody is stopping you.

Soul? Did someone mention that soul word? Nahhh.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 125 (view)
 
Advice on a sudden overdriven libido
Posted: 3/9/2009 9:08:35 AM
Delightful honey.... don't feel a bit guilty, we've all been there and it's no crime.... and frankly there will probably be more of the same cause from my lofty airy, that appears to be the market. Oh yeah, the 'soul' word.... better keep it in your pocket or they'll all run screaming for the nearest exit...

Wooby and Free .... it ain't real til it's real, and you guys help me keep it real.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 118 (view)
 
Advice on a sudden overdriven libido
Posted: 3/8/2009 11:51:18 PM
I think it has something to do with being single after working on a marriage for a long time, and the same feelings of doing something for me instead of having to take care of everyone around me, and be the daddy for to many, to often, and now I can think about what I want to do for me......
It makes one feel liberated, and willing to experiment with others the many facets of sex and enjoyment, with the one you are with, and when they match your enthusiasm, the libido just seems to increase......


Like you think WE don't feel the same about the ME time? Who was changing those diapers and hauling the kids to baseball practice, working and still putting food on the table and clean sheets on that bed... and still had the kids way after the divorce? Was it us who walked away to instant singlehood?

But this seems a pretty standard attitude in the 45+ crowd of men Deacon...as if those responsibilities were a fate worse than death, while we considered it simply a loving duty. Men seem sick to death of what they thought was a stifling and responsible marriage and frankly have decided never to get trapped in one again.

Now you guys are out here feasting on the smorgasbord of options... with "Relationship" the new dirty word.

So this is OUR Catch 22 as mature women....your rebirth of liberation and looking for thrills with youngsters etc... and our rebirth of sexuality with a wasteland of playboys to have it with .

Now the men would say, "What's the complaint, everybody should be happy right?", all out fornicating up a storm and happy as clams, what could be better?

The problem comes when you understand the basic difference between men and women in our age bracket...
That tho our drives may be on the same page at the same age occasionally, the gods saw fit to give us different 'peaks' of interest.

The ladies 'total satisfaction' requirements are quite different, I think that for most women I know... we want and need Sexual and EMOTIONAL involvement. We want a man who is not just flitting by, but OUR MAN... that the sex can get better everyday and the loving (remember that word?) and belonging allows us to care for and about you with our whole hearts (we're nurturers which is why they gave us the 'kid' job... so I guess that it's 'Heart' we need too, and a lay here and there just doesn't do it... all that does is get our hearts all dressed up with no place to go. Because we've always known that 'home' is in someones heart.... and don't believe that this requires pieces of paper and inflexible expectations or being chained to the front porch.... just belonging with another caring human being to share the journey for as long as it lasts, that's all.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
is it age, lack of energy, or inflexibilty, or is it we don't care that much anymore?
Posted: 3/8/2009 12:41:56 PM
It can be all of the above... but that was a pretty hairy schedule for a Sunday with work the next day!

Of course finding someone 'nearby' would be ideal for everyone...... unfortunately it seems to rarely happen that you click with the ones who are convenient and really an hour is not that far in the grand scheme of things. So try looking at your local Craigs list personals... who knows?


is it age, lack of energy, or inflexibilty, or is it we don't care that much anymore


But watch out!! These are the signs of getting too old to .... next thing you know you'll be glued to the tube and give up altogether . Better keep the old rod in motion or it'll rust up on ya.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Do you know what exactly what you want from life now?
Posted: 3/8/2009 12:12:34 AM
"And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter and the sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed." Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 125 (view)
 
Are real naked women just bad porn?
Posted: 3/7/2009 11:59:01 PM
ThemoreIlearnthelessIknow.....I think the Serenity is just trying to point out that the industry is not just innocent fun and games, that there are repercussion on lots of lives for what seems to be just a little momentary 'natural' self gratification. For every action there is a cause and a reaction. Yes she is close to the subject, so probably knows more than the average person about what really goes on behind the stage curtain. But I don't think she was implying that you specifically had pedophile tendencies, but that she knows that many times it does start there.... it's called having a social conscience and she has a very strong one.

Personally I am for legalizing prostitution and protecting those who become involved in porn....because it would protect everyone involved and the sellers and panderers would know that there was a Big Brother watching the physical welfare of ALL.

Just a question of looking beyond the surface....so consider it an object lesson in 'Not all that glitters is gold' or 'Learning more is knowing more'... but could have far more hurtful and seamy repercussions to the ones thrown into the industry involuntarily.

Most of what we consider 'simple' things really aren't, but manifestations of a deeper more complex iceberg.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Are looks important when looking for friends?
Posted: 3/7/2009 1:30:04 PM
Noodle? Parrothead probably explained it best:


Should not be but often are. One thing I note on many a profile is that what a person states they are looking for, and what they really want, are often different indeed. judging from my contacts in the pond the male of the species is more likely to fall into that particular niche a well.


Alot of the men NOT commenting in the forums are here for the sex however they write it. And if you are here on a dating site then you must be looking for 'just' sex too.... get it? It's like a magic trick... distraction is the key .

Lightning said it funniest:


However, it is notable that almost all (ALL) of the men's profiles say:
Friends
Hang Out
...admittedly there are a few "long terms" thrown in there (on both sides...and I think there's one man who actually says DATE.)
It's hard to say what these terms MEAN.
Friends = fvck buddy? or friends = I don't want sex. (I had my parts cut off in a terrible hunting accident and I don't want to talk about it?)
Hang Out = that means we "date" but you buy your own hamburger? or we sit around and watch tv and eat 3 day old pizza?
Beats me.


You have to take this dating world as a new foreign country with different habits and obviously a whole new language to decipher .....sort of like going into the Twilight Zone
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Do you know what exactly what you want from life now?
Posted: 3/6/2009 10:20:43 AM
Let me try to but my question in better pespective. I assume that each person is a least 45 reading this. By this time in your life you should have some idea of what you are looking for out of life while taking the aging process into concideration as well as the fact that your life could change in a heartbeat. This question was only meant to be a wake up call for those people on this site that have not set aside time to make your priorities, wish list, bucket list. I have done my soul searching and look forward to each and every day. I have set prorities and realistic goals set for myself based on what I feel I will be able to physical and mentally enjoy as I age. I know my limits now and what they may be in the future. While this may sound pesimistic to some it is actually optomistic. Each day I get up I have something to look forward to doing. Each day is different and I am learning to more flexable as I age. Yesterday, for example, I wasn't expecting to take care of one of my grandchildren but at the last minute I was needed and we had a ball! I also know that I was a little more tired later than I would have been at let's say 47 and I would expect that even keeping up with a semi-healthy lifestyle at 67 I might even have a few more aches and pains. The message I was trying to convey was that everyone needs to think about the future and plan for it or IT will never happen. It might not happen anyway but at least you had a plan! Best of luck to all! Stop living in the past and look forward to your future whatever it may be. Plan happiness and it just might happen damn it!


Way too much Reality for here on pof Santa .
The mental gamut from 45 to say 75 + probably has as many differences as from 1 thru 21.....big changes happen and we are definitely not all in the same row boat at the same time . I find your questions quite valid for our ages, but many aren't ready to grasp that life is finite and roller coasters do slow down and come to a standstill at some point.... or shoot off the edge and crash .

I say carpe diem.... this could be the last day of the rest of your life .... shame we waste so much of it arguing over it's or others imperfections.

But I degress, to answer your question as you intended:

Good friends, good food, good conversation
New things & places to discover and learn....
A peaceful place and person to snuggle up to on a cold winters night....
And finally that I can manage to keep my marbles to the bitter end so I won't be a burden on anybody, then croak quietly in my sleep ;-).

All part of the circle of life.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 90 (view)
 
Are real naked women just bad porn?
Posted: 3/6/2009 3:16:12 AM

I don't meet men who think like that. The men I go out with like women who are full bodied and full of life.


Then you have been a very lucky girl indeed Amelie. I guess all the rest of us must be living in the wrong part of the world.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 89 (view)
 
Are real naked women just bad porn?
Posted: 3/6/2009 12:48:50 AM
I agree completely Mizz D.


If it opens a dialogue where people can express their thoughts and interests
regarding a topic that affects everyone in some way, then it is worth the time.


And I think we have had some wonderful dialog here.... most everyone has been actually considering and reflecting on the question instead of offering up bones for contention ...an honest discussion, quite rare on pof btw . Could this imply that we are all actually seeing the trend in this direction?
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Are real naked women just bad porn?
Posted: 3/5/2009 8:36:07 AM

HA HA--show them "vintage porn" from the 1970s and they'll get over it!
Lots of hair everywhere--it's hairlarious! Boom shaka bow bow!
But at least they TRIED to have plot lines...


Best belly laugh I've had today Cassa.... make that this week!!!
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 79 (view)
 
Advice on a sudden overdriven libido
Posted: 3/5/2009 8:27:53 AM
Sure I agree it may be a little risky posting that your feeling frisky on an internet dating site, but seriously do y'all really get that much mail, that you can't weed out the sniffers?


I've been here for 2 yrs and made mention of my libido more than once with no subsequent reaction. So honey, if you're old, fat and opinionated....
you haven't got a problem in the world getting backlash or 'sniffers' .
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Are real naked women just bad porn?
Posted: 3/5/2009 1:47:24 AM
Porn offers the perfect excuse for avoiding intimacy.


And the internet perusers for the catalog benefits.... click ...next page , .


however, i also know many men who have "given up", as i am sure have many women. their hormones and immediate gratification needs are not on the surface. they could be awakened, but they just cannot handle what they perceive as the inevitable defeat. often, many are just plain "depressed", don't have the gumption anymore, tired. i think that men, just like many women, need hormone replacement, not viagra or porn.


That's an interesting theory Serenity. I sort of always thought they gave up because of a bad marriage, hated women in general, picked a woman for her looks and got stuck with a b1tch or simply never learned how to be intimate mentally as well as physically.... but you may have something there.

Pouring buckets here.... mercy, drives you to introspection dang it . But to both of you sista fishies .
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Are real naked women just bad porn?
Posted: 3/5/2009 12:02:33 AM
the other issue is that this has become a society of porn and vibrators instead of partnership and relationships. that also makes me sad. human sexuality, sensuality, et al is so much more than what a lot of people are settling for and settling into. wouldn't it be great to have full relationships with all of it?


We repeat and repeat saying this Serenity...... but do we have penetration? Not as often as one would like to see it seems. 'Fantasy' sex is just another excuse for the fear/dislike of getting to know someone intimately, the intimacy that occurs in heart and mind.... not in the bedroom. Don't we all know that if the planets and souls align, that the sex is the easiest part of the equation?

This age group we're in is definitely problematic, this is a whole new world, we are more detached, one human being from another as ever before. Busy lives, lack of time, troubled economy, worry about our retirements.... we have become more and more mentally and emotionally isolated (or why would we be here?). The old virtues don't seem to apply that we were raised with, and we have been thrown into a new status quo where all those values of respect, consideration, empathy, tolerance and what used to be considered common decency seem to have become superfluous between men and women.... doubly so out here in cyber space. Now Instant Gratification, the new designer drug.

If you consider the practicality of the situation.....basically TIME and how much we have left of it and how to Optimize it. You do wonder why people fight so hard to avoid what is best for them.... loving, supportive, respectful relationships, at our age we should know how to make that happen now shouldn't we??? As we've all read in other threads of folks that have had a brush with their own mortalities, illnesses and disabilities....life as we knew in our youth is finite and what the human animal needs for mental and physical health is belonging and being with the ones we love. It's been statistically proven that connected people live longer and are happier.... isolation and loneliness draws depression, addiction and even suicide.

And my practical side says, that this leads to a logical solution..... choose to belong lovingly open and curious with another infinitely complex and loving person.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Are real naked women just bad porn?
Posted: 3/4/2009 10:10:33 PM

As long as we remember that there is Good Nakedand Bad Naked
and that applies to both sexes. Relax, enjoy the moment, be comfortable
in your skin, and we should be OK.
Having said that....some good lighting doesn't hurt....

It's been my experience that the men closer to my age group are just thrilled to
have a loving, willing and happy partner ,and the mundane details of the human body
take on less significance. It's more about the experience than comparing body
parts to some celluloid image.

One of my lovers was mildly interested in porn & we would watch it
occasionally together for a laugh, but we never took it seriously.
Another detested it & wouldn't even consider watching it. Both of them were
fantastic lovers because what we had when we were together transcended
the naked body. Our bodies were just tools to express our pleasure of each other.

A man that considers Porn to be the benchmark for rating his partners wouldn't
have the capacity to keep me interested, let alone get me naked.
It's not that hard to determine which men have an unhealthy association
with porn....they are hardly known for their Subtlety.

~mizz


Beautifully said Mizz Bon Ton .
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Are real naked women just bad porn?
Posted: 3/4/2009 9:00:32 PM
Feminist author Naomi Wolf believes that when men get too accustomed to the stylised, air-brushed, pornographic version of sex, "real" women don't stand a chance. "Do you think society's wide-spread acceptance of porn leads to disappointment with the real thing?"


Naomi may have something there ..... it would explain a lot , all those sugar plums dancing in their heads ;-) .
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Advice on a sudden overdriven libido
Posted: 3/4/2009 10:39:35 AM
Delightful, I think this was a great thread to bring up..... it's life, for some of us anyway and nice to know that we're not the only ones that have been thru or are going thru it, floating out here thinking, "What the heck is going on here ?". Hey surprises come in strange packages, at strange times... what can you do? Ignore them or deal with them right?

If we can talk about ED, male menopause, most men seeming to want 'only' sex and viagra, take flack for being menopausal harridans and the birth place of evil incarnate ;-)... why not WE older women and our physical and mental changes, challenges and surprises?

I know that some men our age would like us to disappear while they chase after the 30 yr olds.... but some also appreciate what we have become at this time with experience, curiosity and enthusiasm for enjoying All parts of our lives right now.....
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 116 (view)
 
50 and retired
Posted: 3/4/2009 2:10:10 AM

well, for you rusty, adult diapers if you lose that pot! how i missed that expression, being a new yorker! here, it is not politically correct, i am sure.


PI seems my forte Serenity....but the bladder is still holding, even if the brain is draining .
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Men over sixty - seem to like women in their own age bracket.
Posted: 3/3/2009 10:58:01 PM
Oh Sweet Music Man you know that you'll never be lumped in with the 'Averages' ! And frankly this old gal has plenty of bubbles left, but they do tend to go flat in the water without some agitation .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgMEPk6fvpg
 
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