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vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

Dating flaky people Posted: 2/10/2009 1:20:18 PM
UK2That was so funny!!!! great response, but basicaly i must add that the"the Rules" book is old news, "Men who Love B&*thes" now rules,and is moremodern in a way (oops am i giving away top secret?) howevr Commanche I agree,basic courtesy is #1 and if she's not showing it to you,she's not the one i admit that i memorized that mentioned above to a T, and found it less archaic than "the Rules". That is because I'm the nice girl who falls for players,and wonder how do i stop being so available, so to me that girl is playing games,and she'll keep doing it if the poster continually allows her to. Believe it or not women play the same flaky games to their other women friends. That sort of person you have to wonder if you want to continue any relationship with, Its your call. but remember give the nice,available girls chance also so they dont have to resort to reading books on how to keep you interested!

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Need honest advice,do i give ' desperate signals to men? Posted: 11/26/2008 9:26:38 AM
I wanted to edit my forum but couldnt but I have posted same exact forum in other websites and did not have that much complaint about grammar. When i was writing this,i just wrote everything that came from my heart, If there is a way i could shorten or editit now i would,not trying to make it hard for anyone. but for those who gave me solid good advice and understood what i was saying, anyway w/out checking for grammar error,thanks a bundle! Advice taken, online is so unstable I am using my energy to meet people I can meet face to face, posted a personal ad on my school's newspaper, wish me luck!

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Need honest advice,do i give ' desperate signals to men? Posted: 11/25/2008 5:51:09 PM
Thanks alot Nonikins Its true do feel i needed to take a step back,b/c the longer i felt rejected or snubbed by these men who I thought were sincere and are unavailable to begin with, I was damaging my self Your advice is gladly appreciated!

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Need honest advice,do i give ' desperate signals to men? Posted: 11/25/2008 9:13:24 AM
Hey Gypsy if post is to long Then dont bother replying instead of putting chiildish comments its funny when a guy here write real long posts,even incomprehensible ones I see how some women here (not all) comes swarming to 'help' FOlks I would appreciate it if you have Nothing positive to say please dont bother replying, This is a broken hearts forum last i heard thank Goodness I posted the same post on my other website forum and I got more positive responses,consructive criticism,not put downs, I see there are people who have nothing better to do then go to Broken Hearted forums and pick on someone, Also things have CHANGED For the Better since I last posted so to all immature people who need to kick someone save it and go somewhere else or dont bother replying To all those who would like to help,that is always appreciated ,thankyou for not wasting people's time. There are others who write equally long posts and I have tried to re-edit and it would not allow me to,but that itself didnt stop caring mature people from replying. Since I lats posted things have gotten alot better,and I am meeting people not online but in a way in my own university,and clubs Also Thankyou English Lass for your helpful advice,at least there are mature people who like to help.

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Need honest advice,do i give ' desperate signals to men? Posted: 11/25/2008 9:09:08 AM
hey Shri Do you not have better things to do,why dont you post your reply somewhere else and why are you looking at my profile too, get a life or i will report you for harrassment, i came here for help and advice not your put downs age has nothing to do with it either ' Grow up This is why POF is the last place I would even try for posting dates look at the immature people that seem to make their way here.

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Need honest advice,do i give ' desperate signals to men? Posted: 11/24/2008 11:20:36 PM
ok Shri lets put the ganji down ,what is an Opie? no one says that i needed a tisue or pat on the back, i thought this was abroken hearts forum last time i checked,everyone opinion is welcomed but its interesting how folks just want to step on someone whose already hurting theres other forums for that\,JMO Also Qrah i never tell any man to decline any offer but why pursue friendship with someone,call them 4,5x a day act as tho you want to be with them when all you are doing is using that person to make you feel better w/no intentions of wanting to meet or possibly be with that person perhaps to each his own but if i put every single detail it would be a much longer thread I was to lead on also, no one likes to be a steppingstone, or be used in that way I talk to these men for suppport,if they are the ones who wanted to take it possibly further,of course I wouldnt mind. and I wouldnt fall fr anyone unless they acted as though they were interested in me one way or another, i'm not some online predator woman who preys on broken hearted men and expects them to fall for me. Thanks foxy red for some solid,nonjudgemental advice I can use ppl forget this here is a big dating/friends site and I do read others who are aso in my predicament

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Need honest advice,do i give ' desperate signals to men? Posted: 11/24/2008 2:49:13 PM
I tried to revise my post coudnt do it

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Need honest advice,do i give ' desperate signals to men? Posted: 11/24/2008 12:05:33 PM
Thank trickye i guess mr. Zentime is the resident English teacher who needs to criticize grammar, why does he bother responding, ,I can scan other posts to look for grammar also sorry I thought I did spell check, but I will look over and edit my post again, but I came here looking for help and was very depressed. lucky i posted my question to another site and didt get that kind of flack, but everyone else has been helpful so far Also Zen i'm not the only one who writes long posts, i'll shorten it next time and yes i like Danielle Steel. thing is, I realize i am doing the wrong thing making these guys my happiness, we dont get to meet thats the problem,after they feel better they blow off. Usually they are the ones who likes to call and txt me frequently till they just move on,like i said and dont even respond to any of my msgs, thats using.

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Need honest advice,do i give ' desperate signals to men? Posted: 11/23/2008 6:39:24 PM
Hello Everyone I appreciate al the support i have recieved in my previous posts and I know i can always turn to the POF community for some honest blunt advice,as well as support. Well last time i posted I met this guy online,frm another forum and we became fast friends,email and call,txt eachother and he said he was going to make plans to fly and meet me, He's up North,i'm Down south,land of dixie. Then he disspeared on me,after i sent my pics,even when he said they were nice, but have never returned my emails,or txts,just plain ignored me which really hurt. I found out in the forum where he posted and dmitted to arranging a date w/someone esle,that explained his nto returning any of my msgs.which to me is beyond rude. Whats worse is that I broke NC after 6 months to my original heartbreaker, the guy who lives in anothe continent,whom i met online also Against ny better judgment,but nothing has changed he seemd happy to hear from me and siad he like for us to talk again but hasnt called me or make any effort,dead end as usual. Thing is after he broke my heart months ago, i kept making friends w/guys online who have similar circumstances to him,broke up w/their girlfriends so managed to strike friendship w/them. My problem is they stop writing or not even bother return any of my calls or emails, mind you I do no bombard pple with msgs if they dont want to eb bothered what i dont get isthese are the same men who goes on these forums and moan about how thie exes treat them like dirt and here they go on and treat someone who just want to be friends likredirt. The guy who lived in another continent was the worst of all ( i wrote many posts on him) and has moved on which makes me angry how is it that he can easily find someone knowing what a jerk he is and was to me,(i know its my fault for dealing w/him) and here I am i keep getting snubbed by these men So I want to know is it me or something wrong w/me the whole online cyber friendship/or possibly relationship thing. Now these places where i nteract with guys are not online dating sites,but guys that are on broken hearts forums, b/c they seem to understand w ell what I'm going thru and became great support- plus they see my pics and all commented that i was very pretty,unlike dissapearing guy my aunt told me to actually try dating online sites, but i am so burned out by the way guys can act online and dissapear on ppl,why should I try Also i am trying my best to meet guys in person,i live in small university town,which i am near graduation,and is planning to go back to the big city where i'mfrom but i hardly have money to make that kind of move my aunt says i am looking for water in the desert,(due to my location) and i should conider moving. I just want to know how am i turning these guys off? and why do they ignore my msgs after they are the ones who seemd interested in talking to me,and to cry abou ttheir woes,and mean exes, I am beginning to wonder maybe their exes are justified fact is i made mistake reconnecting w/the first guy which is proven dead end. should i give the whole onlien thing the heave ho? Dont want to pay for dating sites to have guys act the same way,it is really hurting me. Sorry for long post, hope its not confusing,i 'll clarify anything that needs clarifying, Thanks!!

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Got the Dissapearing act,was it because of pics? Posted: 10/28/2008 11:27:56 PM
Thanks sugar Cookie! btw i love your username, I'm getting a tabby butterscotch colored kitten and i'd liek to name her that. it is making me feel awful about being dissmessed for my pictures, sure chaotic, i may post one here,good idea its better to lay it out in the open, fact is i suggested i send my pics since he gave me his,..i'm not sure i can do this online thing. This last person opened my eyes that there are people who can treat you like that. You know wha this is the last time it will happen many people consider me attractive,not just my family. I get whistled at in the streets, by construction workers,lol but there is always room for improvement. I am a big fan of Jennifer Aniston its amazing, she's already a beautiful woman but she still works hard in improving herself. Halle berry is exactly the same way, she definately had work done even though she 's already beautiful. So when i graduate and get a good job i will seriously consider plastic surgery, i have been contemplating this for a long time since men want to be shallow and wnt beautiful women even if they themselves are not that great looking,fine. This happened to me before,not in that since but with the last guy,who made a point in telling me he doesnt find me attractive then no guy will ever reject me like that again, I mean it

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 65 (view)

I've never understood the 'silence' method of breaking up Posted: 10/28/2008 8:47:42 PM
still, no matter if it is over there is such a thing called common courtesy, what she did was as everyone says cowardly and selfish one day someone will pull the same crap on her.

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Got the Dissapearing act,was it because of pics? Posted: 10/28/2008 8:40:40 PM
Hi, I wasnt trolling for dates, really i pm everyone on these websites, women and men because they are the ones who understand being heartbroken because they are going through the same thing. But your point is well taken, Also when i said ,oh you were dissapointed, Him and I usually tease eachother like that,he would say to me when i didnt respond quickly to his txt or call, oh so youve finally stopped ignoring me People this is an update he's a Player i found him on the same website telling another guy, last week he had a date lined up. ,meanwhile he just cuts me off cold,not even return my msgs nothing which is real childish, m y thing is , if i was the one who met someone I wouldnt cut him off like that it seems guys like to do that. they meet someone else and all of a sudden youre not worth even a phone call. Me at least i'll still keep that person as ia friend,who knows when stuff will unravel with this new person, i would never cut people off. So teh answer to all this is, It wasnt really Me. He just met someone else,and wouldnt bother to let mme know, have me wondring what I did wrong, I bet the relative visiting story was a hoax also. No more internet dating BS for me, None!

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

Dating Delema, be cautious people Posted: 10/27/2008 10:42:33 PM
carejoy I believe you girl, youre doing the right thing trying to warn people of this individual. I dont uually try my luck on this site,but still' If tehre are serious haertbreaker or downrightplayers walking amongst the living, and hurting people we should know,just my opinion

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Got the Dissapearing act,was it because of pics? Posted: 10/27/2008 5:03:56 PM
sorry i meant i dont have very dark skin, and have very long hair, maybe too long for his liking i tried to fix my typos, seem it didnt go through

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Got the Dissapearing act,was it because of pics? Posted: 10/27/2008 4:22:30 PM
Thanks ChaoticB,and Professional and all of you for responding. Chaotic may be i was vague,but I did aask him questions about dating interracially or whats his thoughts in it which he seems though he didnt mind, he seems like a nice guy plus i didnt really ask him about dating interracially plus i dont have dont skin, he said he liked my pics last e-mail i sent him i told him i didnt expect us to be more than friends so when i look at it,why should i feel bad about liking someone he also raised my expectations also Also sorry Professional what you've been through its interesting you said that you ignored his calls all week, then did you finally contact him again? I understand its online, this whole site,and other websites have online dating, I am beginning to think online dating is a haox and just meet someone the old fashion way,face to face,so he wont be suprise neither would i To Krysteen, ,yes he has a ill relative,parent so to speak but to avoid my msgs, at least i didnt call which makes me thinks i shouldve done it but chances may be he wouldntve picked up

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Got the Dissapearing act,was it because of pics? Posted: 10/27/2008 2:08:24 PM
hello everyone ive been doing what everyone suggested here on POF on my last threads here on Brokenearted section, everyone meeting new people,forget my ex who was a jerk, now i started talking to this new guy online, we exchanged numbers he was on another broken hearted forum site..just like the last one hmmm i am starting to see a pattern. Anyway, we started liking eachother,him suggesting that we talk every night on the phone,(we try to limit to every other night but havent worked) because this was an LDR,this time in the U.S. not another country he sent me his pics online, i sent him mine via mail with a halloween card mind you i sent him the best picture of me, he was excited about it as soon as he got them,he said he recieved the card, i was wondring if he had gotten the pics,or what he thought of it,he said they weree nice thanks for sending them well.i thought it was odd and was teasing him about it saying oh is he dissapointed and all. Mind you we like to tease eachother innocently But i noticed the conversation didnt go well after words he said he would be very busy the following week, we could still talk to eachother. I didnt hear anything from him till Sunday evening ,ok i did txt him just to say hi and he txtd me back saying he had a good day and he would talk to me Monday. he likes txt messaging just to clarify things ,Well,Monday rolled around no peep from him, i didnt hear anything till Tuesday,when he txtd me saying he was busy but if we can chat the next day Wednesday came, nothing Thursay evening i sent him a txt msg,nothing so Saturday i decided to send him an e-mail asking what happened, Ididnt expect anything more from him but to be friends since we started it that way and i appreciated having him to talk to, that I wasnt expecting anything, still havent heard anything. to me that is a bit rude,ignoring my txt or email so thiat e-mail would be my last message to him. Why would he txt me on Tuesday saying he would talk to me,and nothing. My therapist says i may be jumping to conclusions that he may have been hit by a car, or had a heart attack like her clients did yeah fat chance I am aware when I am getting ditched or blown off and it hurts I wished i never sent him my pictures at all,but he said he liked them and told me which one were his favorites. My aunt thinks its because i'm African American,he is white, i told him that I was black but from the Caribbean if that matters, My thing is he just got out of a relationship, but it seems things changed drastically becauseof those pics i sent.Anyone opinions,experiences on this or good old fashion honest advice- I am already blaming myself for this and feeling angry,..hurt..mor hurt but this sorry for long posts,thanks.

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Should I have stayed friends even though he dumped me? NC question Posted: 9/30/2008 3:27:06 PM
hi Applepie, NC means no contact, i like your question, North Carlina's beautiful, wish NC meant that instead. Also thanks Ms.Mewsik and Dondilly ,hope i spelled it right, i am feeling better everyday,but the mhurt still lingers some. I thought sending a mass e-mail after the election including his address but i dont want to seem like i'm reaching out to him,which i am but i need to be patient, True, friends dont treat friends the way he has done me

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Should I have stayed friends even though he dumped me? NC question Posted: 9/23/2008 1:16:32 PM
Thanks everyone again for replying i'll definately look in to the book,i'm always searching for good informative books such as "he says.She says,about stop falling for unavailable types. That book you mention is a definaelty must read I keep wondring,what have i dont to merit his disprespect, he's the one who wanted to stay friends,which i did and seen that all it did was just gave him the green ligh tto treat me worst just because I no longer hold ny value to him To the responder who talked on facebook,i'll do a great one for my upcomming graduation,thank for that support. I was online the otherday,low and behold the same thing,nothing changes with him ignoring me but a friend of mine said i was ignoring him too,so i shouldnt worry. I guess its should be expected since i refused to settle for hus breadcrumbs anymore which was all I was getting from him if anything i learned a big lesson not to be in second rate relationships,but it hurts a bit still.

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Should I have stayed friends even though he dumped me? NC question Posted: 9/20/2008 12:38:40 AM
Thanks thanks a bundle Skygazer,Master3, Bunnystop,love your name,and Classified,and evryone else who answered. I really appreciate your relating your opinions experience, you know this is exactky wha my therapist said,that he will hang on to anyone who came along,first me now whoever it is,very true Masters i'm still stuck on the "will he keepever contact me" phase to the point that i went online,hardly ever so on Myspace,he was there and of course didnt say a word to me, thats another gripe i have abou t him since he was the one who suggested that i sign up so we can always talk-less on the telephone bills, turns out that all he did was ,yep ignore me,especialy after I spent x amount of times listening to his problems before ,many times he would just stop responding period,if we do get to talk. So after months, still the same thing,i expected that he wouldnt talk to me say hi,its been a while,what have you been up to, that wouldve been at least decent but i held fast on not IM'ing him Youre rigtht about some people are messed up inside, and also Classified,i wouldnt want to wish this guy on my worst enemies,you dont treat a friend that way in my book it helps alot reading people's opinions

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Should I have stayed friends even though he dumped me? NC question Posted: 9/15/2008 3:28:10 PM
I dont want to get in a long story,but I wonder how really effective is NC when you dont hear from the ex I held fast with NC,after he dumped me for someone else, tried the friendzone thing when all it did was give him permission was to toss me breadcrumbs when he did keep in contact . Example, he'd ignore me on myspace even though he wanted me to sign up; whenever he's online which bothered me,so i dont even check his profile dont want to know whats going on. Also onwhats been plaguing me is i never replied to an email he sent where all he did was insult me as well as blatantly rejecting me,everyone-friends, even Clergy members, told me not to reply and ignore,but still i kick myself for not having the satisfaction and closure of telling him off. so here i am trying to meet new people,make friends, ( I do have a couple of acquaintances) but it seems though i'm the one whose doing the reaching out to people ,and nothing seems to follow through which can be fustrating Crazy thing is,I constantly compare myself to him ,wondring,how come it was so easy for him to meet someone and move on and since i havent heard from him my perception is he's probablyhaving a great time. Many people tell me I dont know that he is having greal ole time and it shouldnt matter. i'm very outgoing person,and if there are events happening I would attend when i get a chance. I am in this small college town which not much happens,i'm from a bigger city in the Midwest,I feel I had much better chances meeting people because of diversity and is more progressive city. Athough i'm graduating this semester and I should only concentrate on school but thats not enough for me. Point is,I am starting to believe that maybe I shouldve taken whatever breadcrumbs of frienship he did want to offer,but i thought i deserve better,and he surely was not treating me as a friend, they say friends dont disrespect another friends. So I am wondring was it better too stay friends and get his scraps of attention knowinng full well he isnt interested. Maybe something,bits of LC was better than nothing,not sure. I'd also like anyone's opinion of what would it look like appear if I did break NC while he never made an attempt to contact me. Part of me says i've made it this far other part still feels discourage in lack of meeting someone new as fast as he did. Any ones suggestions,or experiences and opinions on on is or what would you do,gladly appreciate it!

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

its now been 6 months,still cant forget this Posted: 8/13/2008 9:59:00 AM
Thanks wldflour, I will definately look for that e-book and your positive response as well as others.

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

its now been 6 months,still cant forget this Posted: 8/13/2008 9:55:51 AM
Made n Brazil I can write perfectly however, the many times I posted threads in POF for some reason have been deleted by the moderator saying that it is unnaccetpable, so how am I to know if this one would actually be posted. Therefore if youre an English teacher looking for great grammar I can assure you you will not find great grammar on these post and critiquing someone whose hurting about their writing doesnt help either,i'm not turning in an essay,just wanted to express my feelings like everyone else in POF. It has nothing to do whether I'm 20 or 50 years old,no one is ammuned to dissapointment. Maybe it was a fantasy,but he also was playing at a fantasy calling incessantly,making me feel as though he's a part of my life and iI was part of his, only when it suited him. however its true that some things do fall apart so other things come together A poster said that there are many scamms out there especially in Africa,that can be true because I was willing to help him fly here andprobably wouldnt see the money or him anyway. Alot of people think oh well just because you didnt meet it doesnt matter, but you never know who comes in your life and make a difference and it is easy to get attached and it seems easy in this internet world.

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

its now been 6 months,still cant forget this Posted: 8/13/2008 8:16:43 AM
my mind says you are soo better off without him but my heart says,how the h did this happen,its true people show you who you really are. I'm just haunted how this ended so badly,and how he could go from i want you with me to no youre not good enough for me by his actions. Also i akways dreamed of going to Africa or visiting there,Algeria where he is from but while we were corresponding i was still in school and he couldnt afford to come here. Its not as though i was seeking someone in another part of the world for a relationship, we just happen to hit it off and mind you he was the one doing all the pursuing calling. so he moved on that diesnt mean he shouldve treated me the way he did, thats what haunts me, I may have a chance to visit Africa next summer but because of him i dont even want to go near there, maybe its an illusion,but he was the one made the illusion of a very caring loving guy who couldnt spend the day without hearing his voice, Many people says dont take it personal you deserve better,and i'll take heed to that,but i dont want to meet someone who acts as tho they care one dayand cant stand you the next,why take that risk

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

its now been 6 months,still cant forget this Posted: 8/12/2008 3:18:07 PM
I have been through a bad break up,that ended in a lDR relsationship. I met this guy on a group forum and we hit it off as friends,he used to call,email,txt you name it obsessively,andi couldnt help fall for him. He lives in Africa,i'm in U.S. I'm a college student in the U.S. who lives in a town that doesnt have much to do,much culture,etc,but has great football games, but i'm not into football. he eventually met someone else and started trerating me differently, even before he told me abou this new gf, calls less,but he still wanted to remain friends. before this sudden ending, when he wanted me to come to Africa and live there w/him and i couldnt because i was still in school. I accepted being his friend but he started treating me real bad, asking me to sign on myspace which i did but when he's online and sees me there, he ignores me ,and if we do talk it was only for problems he was having,which i didnt want to hear, when he was done, he would actually stop answering my IM hoping that I go away. to me its as if whatever respect he had for me is lost the fact he once told me he didnt answer his cell b/c he was getting busy w/his gf. I got away from him and stopped contacting him and he started calling ,txting me,and we did resolve it, not totally, he said he was sorry but then when i told him i couldnt just be friends with him, i still felt something more,he shot me down and said i need to forget it and we can only be friends and he wasnt really sorry for that crude remark he made about not answering. I stopped contacting him and never replied to his last email (where he told me he wasnt sorry and didnt want to be more than friends. its been 6 months i stayed on NC,no communications with him,i did my best go out w/friends,getting moreinvolved in school and comunity eventsm, but this still haunts me. I couldnt understand how someone can one day act as though you were their beat in their heart,like you are soo important to them and letyou in their lives and next thing youre no longer important to them. I wish i couldve told him off, i did feel as if he used me-i was leary of LDR's any way just like him, but he pulled out al the stops,making me feel through his incessant calling/emails that i was more than enough for him and now it ended like this with him acting so callous b/c he's met someone else. I dont kno if he's still in a relationship or not,but even though time has past and i have tried to work past this its touph and wonder if he will ever contact me or show he cares at all. Any advice,insights or similar experiences would be great,thanks for reading!

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

Is it wrong to tell the dumper you dont want friendship? Posted: 1/11/2008 9:57:19 AM
Oshan wrote, sorry keep forgetting to quote, Why is is easier for the dumper? Hmmmm, well, because he/she's the one who has exercised the power and control in the relationship and made the decision to end it...for whatever reasons....the dumpee has no choice in this matter. Also, the dumper is acting to fufill their own needs whether that is to be alone, or free to be with someone else. They have taken charge of getting their own needs met. The dumpee, very often, is blindsided and does not have the option to fulfill their own needs because that would require the dumper to reconsider...which is not going to happen. Even if it did, the damage to the dumpee in the form of a broken heart, feelings of rejection, betrayal, etc., etc., will have long-lasting effects which would not bode well for the success of the relationship at that point...there's no going back (usually...there are always a few exceptions, of course). The dumpee needs some time to become oriented to this change, and become refocused on themselves as a free individual, and depending on the depth of emotion, there will be a grieving process the dumpee will go through. The dumper usually doesn't feel much for the dumpee, and thus, no need to grieve...no pain. true, very true what you said Oshan, but the Dumpee as i learned is not so powerless, and thats why they turn to wonderful sites like this and get help/support from wonderful people! Thankyou everyone who answered thankyou! The dunpee decide this time to opt for No Contact,and not break it,now matter what! If the dumper feels no remorse or pain which is true, then why should they keep contacting the ones they rejected? I read many many post where dumper stays in cotnact with dunpee which is causing the dumpee pain,and confusion. questions, If life was so great for them why are the dumpers looking back or reaching out in way? ,is telling him I cant be friends,does that really shows self-respect? But not in a way of getting him maybe interested again or not see me as weak? Just wishful thinking or asking.

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

Is it wrong to tell the dumper you dont want friendship? Posted: 1/11/2008 9:50:44 AM
its very hard to keep contact with him it just reopened my wound,that i tried to heal

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

How Do I Get Over Him? Posted: 1/11/2008 9:38:30 AM
hi, while i was reading your thread the part about him dissapearing, not answering text,calls emails is a big red flag. No answer is definately yur answer dear, if something bad hapened to him believe me, his family would be the first one to know and they would've let you know. Even if hsi friends are in the dark,or dont want to tell you,most likely, he is a loser,creep and obviosuly scared of commitment. If you can read "men who cant Love" or he Scared,She Scared" by Steven Sokol, dont know what the other author name is but it will tell you step by step exactly,how they.men or women, but this book focuses on men, (sorry guys) come on strong, act like they are the person of your dreams and soon as youre hooked, they dissapear. But rest assure, dont hope for it, soon as you stop loking he wil reappear, but thats when you have to say NO. Believe me he d id this once he'll do it again, let me know if this helps you a bit.

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Is it wrong to tell the dumper you dont want friendship? Posted: 1/10/2008 1:49:18 PM
reply to Lilac,sorry forgot to quote "I dont believe you can ever "just be friends" with someone you used to love, i ended a relationship after 10 months for very good reasons and didnt hear a thing for months..then other day he calls " can we be friends" i politely declined... why stay in touch with someone, unless theres kids involved when u wanted out in first place?" Thats what i want to know, why he wants to stay in touch after he wanted out. Dont get me wrong I was all too happy as the rejectee to hear from him,but that made it harder to actually move on.

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Is it wrong to tell the dumper you dont want friendship? Posted: 1/10/2008 1:46:59 PM
well he wont contact for a while that I know,but is it possible to totally avoid him altogether or never ever answer his calls or emails? I dont know,knowing how i feel right now I would say no, but I have to heal and get over this,it seems like its a slow road,but at least alot better than before.But i'm stil not over this, breaking NC is like pulling scab of a wountd thats not over healing, it hurts.

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Is it wrong to tell the dumper you dont want friendship? Posted: 1/10/2008 12:44:58 PM
No its okay Ackroyd, I'd like to know how other people handle this,so i exactly understand your struggle also,thanks for sharing.

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Is it wrong to tell the dumper you dont want friendship? Posted: 1/10/2008 12:34:20 PM
Swifl Dan, I really want to do this no contact rule i've been hearing about,for 30-90 days, thought i could before but then there was the 'where are you whats up? calls. It wasnt a recent breakup and even though it was his right, i went along with what he wanted by being friend/therapist/support-maybe 1-800 free flirt talk line (probably when she wasnt available) . Yes i set myself up,all to keep him near. I never told him not to contact me again,which i figure he probably will, all my friends tell me to tell him never to contact mebut thats easy for them to say, not ready to do so. In other hand i dont want to break NC,look what happened. I was doing well now talking to him has restart the plain clock. Yes, even if it wasnt a match, i wish my heart would know that,doesnt stop the pain.

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Is it wrong to tell the dumper you dont want friendship? Posted: 1/10/2008 12:10:27 PM
I tried to be friends with ex and all i have been doing is waiting for whatever crumbs he dishes out,in the guise of friensdhip. I wanted to be still be a part of his life even affter the breakup and he has repeatedly shown me that I'm no longer important,sort of dont call me I'll call you. This has been going on for six months, till I couldnt deal with it anymore. Fact that he said once something real hurtful and rejecting which didnt help that i finally had to say no more,time to get a backbone and dissapear. However when i did, thats when he upped the ante with contact,more than ever...? I finally had the guts to let him know, look,I cant deal with just friendship,i went along with it getting nothing in return. I had to say it because he's happy to keep in touch as a friend and i cant pretend thats what i wanted. Why should i pretend to go along with being friends with someone i still have feelings for while he's moved on? How come its so easy for the dumpers to do so and get the happy ending,(new relationship,me broken heart, still healing) Was it wrong to tell him? I didnt say never to contact me again, in fact my friends thought i was to nice even leaving the door open in the futire. even though everyone says i shouldnt. I hate to be the only one hurting and wondring if he'll ever in the future come back knowing this is dead end. help!

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 345 (view)

Why do guys always do this to me? Does anyone else have this problem?... Posted: 11/28/2007 12:55:00 PM
OMG, Shauna readmy post exactlythe same, but different in many ways, they do this and u keep wonderignhow can it be like this when they were so diferent in the beginning. it will rtake time, healing my self

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

how come he won't stay friends after we break up? Posted: 11/20/2007 5:00:22 PM
Have you heard of No contact rule, try it, NC NC NC! And for those who criticized you for " Belittling" or "insulting" his choice of new prospects, Hogwash! Lets see how fun it is for them to be replaced ,it is difficult to see him moving on while you obviously have feelings, read the No Contact rule, and Move on leave the chump alone Peace

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

questions about no contact rule Posted: 11/14/2007 12:11:38 PM
its soo true, inn my case, when you contact or keep in contact with them get ready to be # 2 or Zero in their lives because in the back of theor minds, they the ex think, hey i rejected this person they still stick around,and you know what happens, they start treating you like crap. I am weanin gmy way out of this,cant take it anymore, real tired

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 74 (view)

he dumped me before we ever met! Posted: 11/14/2007 11:51:17 AM
hi heres the update, unfortunatley, its 6 months later, i still kept in touch with the creep after he admitted he was seeing someone else , now he's cooled off on that person and started talking to me, but my ninteraction is to the point of disprespect. He never calls when he says he will, tell my to sign up on messenger so we can cht often, but half of the time when i msg him he doesnt respond. I am beyond,unbelievably tired of this. Lesson to anyone who went or is going through this. DONT STICK AROUND AFTER SIMEONE REJECTS YOU, also DONT TRY TO BE THEIR FRIENDS, It was nothing but a waste of time, its been one year now since i know this guy,has been nothing but a waste of time. I dont know if I can ever forgive myself

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 61 (view)

the perfect get over someone Posted: 11/14/2007 11:38:54 AM
so sorry that this happened to you and both of you I pray that the Lord gives you strength and peace ,what helped me is Joel Osteen book,s it helps alot. He said that when a person leaves or wrongs you,they did you a favor by leaving since they never really loved you, it will take time,but send me email see how u are doing, I have hot tea brewing and an ear

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Don't find this guy attractive but he loves me to death Posted: 10/17/2007 2:14:31 PM
mayne because he seems so needy,its tre we want what we cant have,but if he's cute send him my way,tired of cold unfeeling men

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

questions about no contact rule Posted: 9/17/2007 2:09:57 PM
yep, its not cruel to let go of someone who treats you like yesterdays trash

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

my bro in law wants my hubby to leave me anyone got any suggestions Posted: 9/17/2007 1:13:58 PM
I say do No Contact on your husband and whole family!! what a mamas boy,you can do better!

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

questions about no contact rule Posted: 9/14/2007 5:15:41 PM
hey Ron,how about if they were devious and left you fro someone else then try to call you? Most of their reasons obviously are self centered

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Rejection Posted: 9/6/2007 12:46:48 PM
we all go through this,i'm going thru this right now with someone i met on line and thought we'd hit it off til he found someone else, so best thing take it one day at a time. it helps not contacting the person who hurt you also, now i'm interested in that woman Marylon vos savant,what column does she write in?

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

I'm So Sad Today Posted: 9/5/2007 6:01:03 PM
I like guitar artist reply,you'll meet alot of turkeys to get to the real bird,i'm going thru the same thing,we share the same first name cool and ethnicity so you have a sista hear who knows what youre going thru,we all are sisters no matter what race or ethnicity and all go thru the same thing keep your chin up,i am too

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

I set myself for heartbreak Posted: 9/5/2007 5:53:37 PM
not everygirl likes playas,even tho we do cross their paths, i'm going thru heartbreak, and NICE GALS DO FINISH LAST TOO, had to put that caps on,so keep your head high Seraphim,there is someone for you. bwt,S.L.A.M. had anyone ever tell you you look like the guy from the Young and the Restless?

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

when the ex contacts you Posted: 9/5/2007 10:44:13 AM
You are so right, bethlet, thats what really gets me, he dumped me,only pretended that he loved me when he had no one around, i met him after his breakup, soon as he got on his feet,moved on to someone else, that is why i dont understand why does he gets the happy ending, but then again do people like that really get away with this. he told me lots of things before how he cheated on his gf,his excuses,well we fought alot, so i dont feel sorry for the new girl if he gets tired of her, but it hurts I wonder if the law applies to what goes around comes around,sorry to be so resentful about his, but this is how i feel. And yoreu right, I never want this to happen to me again

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

when the ex contacts you Posted: 9/5/2007 9:47:05 AM
I like that, I need to be the real-Me and dont settle for less, i'm working on that even tho it hurts, i hate being treated like less,and i understand he doesnt owe me any phonecalls but he was the one that acted like regardless if he's with somoene he's still like to keep in contact with me, buton his terms it seems. I'll print real-me's story,very inspiring

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

when the ex contacts you Posted: 9/5/2007 9:40:42 AM
lol,thanks for the bold letter aspiringangel, I already know that believe me, everyday thats what i think about that he has someone else,my thing is his once in a while calling,throwing crumbs at me and dont let me get started with emailing. WEe used to emaileachother alot but now when i do email to say hi, like a slot machine that doesnt giveanything most likely i dont get a reply, I am trying to meet new people believe me! I am trying, why is it that liars and cheaters getthe happy ending? thats what i want to know, taking it one step at a time

Vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

when the ex contacts you Posted: 9/5/2007 8:12:16 AM
Hi everyone, I am asking for anyones experiences and very honest opinion on this subject, I am trying my best to heal after the guy i was crazy about let me go and started seeing someone else. Better yet, he was seeing this person and ended it between us,it took me all summer to heal however, i still accept his once in a while phonecalls,(which i call crumbs) and everytime I do & we have a nice conversation i get my hopes high . he said once he wanted to still be friends but how can i be friends with someone who rejected me like this,fact is i'll hear from him once in a while but never on the weekends like we used to and this bothers me. Last time I spoke to him briefly was on Friday,I was on my cell & it was about to die ,I told him that and he said would call again on this weekend, did i hear from him the whole weekend no? still havent to this day either and i'm getting tired hanging on a string. Also,last conversation we had he was very casual, impersonal and thats fine for him but not for me,makes me wonder did this guy ever have any feelings for me whatsoever? There was a time when we talked ,it was intense he was flirting with me but latey it was like i speaking to my tax attorney. This has been going on and on,mixed messages, i'm tired of always waiting to hear from him while he moves on with his life. Therefore I'm getting to a point taking his calls is hurting me just as much because i'll expect more. So i'm thinking of not doing this anymore, its not easy for i fear that if i never take his calls,i wont hear from him again . I feel stuck here, Anyones thoughts,advice,or opinions will be gladly appreciated

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

not contacting someone who broke your heart Posted: 8/27/2007 8:30:30 AM
I appreciate you sharing this conchowder, by the way i just came from Florida,the keys and Ft. lauderdale, best place to heal a broken heart, i didnt have any Conch tho, i 'd like to move there permanently, how can one be sad in a beautiful place as Florida, I'm more positive now

vivia12

Joined: 5/4/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

not contacting someone who broke your heart Posted: 8/15/2007 10:26:35 AM
believe me, i wont be contacting him,and about him contacting me, there is a possibilty,he has before but i really deep inside my heart do not want to talk to him,altho i'd be glad he called, it still doesnt take away the pain. i need to heal, and am committed to do this. I feel i neevr ever want to open or give my heart again

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