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Thread: Feeling in the Dark

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Feeling in the Dark Posted: 5/20/2007 4:31:21 PM
This is something I am currently in the process of writing, this has not been spell checked, checked for gramma, and nor has it been read over even once! I find if I do this I loose my way when writing. Enjoy I hope! Sam Chapter 1 --------------------- The night was cool, his breath was visible upon the approaching dark sky. The old victorian style street lamps started to flicker to life. He looked behind him, it was strange he sometimes had this erie feeling that he was being followed, maybe paranoia, maybe not. To describe this man would be a difficult task, as he had little features which yuo could call "uncommon" he was reasonably tall, but of an athletic build. You couldn't see it, but beneath his hooded jumper, his tight bonds shirt strained against his muscles. beneath his top he wore a pair of faded blue jeans, definatly not today's fashion. He rearely cared for what others would call to be "hip and cool" if it was comfortable and warm it was for him. Turning a corner he entered a slightly forboding street, hardly any light and the two story buildings seemed.....opressive, they appeared to slant inwards. Making the night sky barely visible. Not many cars parked in this street, he wasn't sure why, it didn't matter however. He had arrived at his destination, He stopped, looking up the only light in the street was in this building, second story.....where he was required to be. "I better not be late" he thought to himself, taking in one last cold breath, he took the five steps up to the huose in a bounding leap. Apprehension....he removed the small slip of paper with the address printed on it out of the envelope. Removing the old key sandwiched in the bottom. Entering the house the the first thing he felt was the same harsh biting cold which was also outside, not to worry he thought "I shall soon be warm" running up the old squeeking steps two at a time he arrived promptly on the second story. Directly in front of him was the open door, the room inside was lit. Too brightly he thought to himself, since he could barely make out any features inside the room due to the glare. A quick breath, a quick step, closed eyes, fumbles for the light switch "Where is it? I can't seem to find it! Ah hah" the turns off again and all is dark. He closes the door behind him, feeling around in the dark with his hands "Its all I have now" he thinks to himself "No sight, only touch, smell, taste, and sound" however he couldn't hear anything. Wait! oh, a distant car travelling upon a distant road, only the driver knowing his place. He knows his mind is in overdrive, he knows he isn't alone in the room. Remember his instructions he walks to the center of the room "****" he silently swears to himself, feeling forward he can now feel the chair he walked in to. Now his knee is also throbbing, almost keep time with his heart....His foot brushes against something, the leg of the bed! The person is me I lean forward only to feel something in front of me, however not with my hands, Warning! my head instinctivly makes me rear back. The hands close upon my hand and tugs me forward, falling, falling, landing.....soft, no pain, everything is soft. I reach around with my hands, brush against something and recoil. I wrap my hands around the silk sheets on the bed, I am scared now. I need something to make me feel safe, I have grabbed the sheet already. I let go and grab it again. It's not working, the complete darkess is not letting me be at ease! the hands, they are back, now on back, sliding round to my chest. They are not moving, but the owner is. I sense her movements now. Coming around to the front of me, I get excited, parts of me respond. I reach out now, ready to take things into my own hands. I am pushed away. Hands close on the zip of my hoodie, slowly bringing the zip down, I can hear her now, it's her breath. She is breathing faster, as am I. It is strange, it is so dark, so oppresive, yet the presence of....her...it is something I can be close to, not fully yet. But the presence is....reasuring if anything. Her lips where amazing, to describe is difficult, I feel like crying. I wonder if it is bringing back painful memories, but none come to mind. It is strange but I cant think, I feel the ever so soft brush of her lips upon mine, I can imagine them in my head now. Yes! her lips are large, and have a deep red rose colour to them. I couldn't even begin to imagine the face behind them, so totally engrossed in this... This closed mouth kiss, I ever so slowly part my lips, just enough so I am returning it. I want to share myself with this mysterious person. I feel I can open up! I feel so many things! Her lips withdraw! I cry out! did I actually make the sound or was it my mind? I reach out and place my hands behind her head, I can now feel her hair. Tracing one hand down I feel how low her hair is, lower than her shoulders thats for sure. Our lips meet again, this time she opens her mouth, as do I, We meet halfway, the slight flick of tongues, and a retreat, like the tide, our tongues come back again, drawn like the water to the earth. In the complete darkness I can only begin to imagine the sight, two fully clothed people sitting on a silk bed in the complete dark, trading the mosts delicate of kisses. For once my body doesn't urge me on, I have no sense to rush things, however the want to be closer to this mystery girl is alluring she feels like a drug. I pull her body towards me, she seems so light, probably the same as I. I run my hands down and around her, she isn't fully clothed! she is wearing only a nightie. I move behind her, placing my legs either side of her hips, wrapping my arms slowly aruond her, brining her into a hug. My hands are still at work, my fingers unbuttoning her nightie, allowing the cool air to slide between the cloth and her skin. The air is cool and her skin becomes rougher, goosebumps appearing over her body, her nipples stiffening under the cool breaze. All I can do is feel, and that wasn't enough! my lips close upon her neck, kissing up towards her ears, my tongue brushing lightly against her skin, she flinches. Bringing her head down towards me, it must tickle I thought. But I continued on up, closing my lips over her ear lobe. "haaaaa" I hear her breath escape her, her head is bent back, over my shoulder, my lips closed around her ear. I flick my tongue over again. She responds by grasping my hand. -------- Sam

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 113 (view)

how old you are vs how old you look/act Posted: 5/20/2007 6:41:14 AM
I look 15, well at least I am told that a lot, I am actually 20, but act older again, all my friends are over 25, so....yeah?

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

sex on drugs Posted: 5/20/2007 6:39:23 AM
sex on eccies was absaloutly amazing, for someone reason it always ends up as a threesome.

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Love Is Whats? Posted: 5/17/2007 8:29:17 AM
franciskus, thats a pretty strange way of putting things, but in a way it makes sense, who hasn't had lust and love mixed up when young? hopefully not many people mix up the line between F***K and rape. I was wondering how far back the term came from, but still I'm sure it was mentioned in the bible and I'm sure thats before the crusades, although my history was never a strong subject, im sure the term Love pre-dates the Romans

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

What is Love? Posted: 5/16/2007 4:17:09 AM
Wow, There's some amazing replies to this topic, everyones is so similar yet different. You can always find common ground tho, cheers for the input! Will help me refine this bit of writing when I make a proper edition!

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Making Relationships Posted: 5/16/2007 4:14:21 AM
Hahahaha I see how easily it is to get misunderstood, I dont need drugs, some people think I'm always on them but meh!¬ This is free writing, nothing more, its something I do from time to time, I write and see what comes out, yes in a way confidence is a problem among other things, but these "issues" are rarely at the fore-front of my everyday life! Anyway, yesterday I said **** it and went out with girl at the cinema! that makes the total amount of people I know in this country up to ......... 1 hehehe, Sam

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Breaking Conformity Posted: 5/16/2007 4:11:31 AM
I'm starting up a website for writers and authors, and also for people who need a nice quite relaxing place to chat without the braindeads making stupid posts. should be up sometime soon, I'll keep you posted! Well Hortense, THats always a start!!!

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Breaking Conformity Posted: 5/14/2007 10:13:46 AM
Thanks Hortense! But really you can make life so much....more? by breaking routine! I met this guy at Heathrow airport, and Aussie bloke who hadn't been out of his country, or even city of birth for 56 years! only now has he decide to break routine and backpack! Sam

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Making Relationships Posted: 5/14/2007 6:01:16 AM
Yes I am a guy! Does this seem to hold a problem? grins ps: these are thoughts, not pressure. Just the idle thoughts and ramblings of a mind fleeing from reality!

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Ok I got one for ya'll Posted: 5/13/2007 8:29:53 AM
Picking the right person to message is hard, I started off emailing everyone, and getting no replies, now I have to scour the website to find the non shallow types. Which is funny since I am not looking for a date! I want friends to talk too! Strange, Sam

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

TO ALL MOTHER 'S .. Posted: 5/13/2007 8:22:13 AM
I concur with with surferpaul74, but Paul, would you ever so mind respecting the English language!

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Making Relationships Posted: 5/13/2007 8:14:39 AM
I'm going on a rant here so bear with me a bit. I find many things difficult, and annoying about myself, hell! sometimes I wish I was another. Another person who could persue his dreams and wants at whim, but I can't because I am not who I want to be. What would help me realise my goals and ambitions without loosing who I am? at least who I am in the view / face of others. I have realised what I think about myself is never how another perceives you, which is a shame when you know you are a truly nice person. I was in Morgans Wine Bar last night and a girl took my fancy not so much sexually, yes she was very beautiful, but I mean "drawn" more of the feeling that a person who could mean something. Someone you could be wonderful friends with, someone you can trust and relate with. Maybe my mind was in overdrive and I was thinking too far into possibilities. I know that I often have my "head in the clouds" and often dream, and conjure possibilities for myself that I couldn't fulfill. But why does this have to be so? why couldn't I just go and say "Hi" well at least something to that extent, than actually having your stomach wraps its fists around a brick and slam your head and heart with it. Yes I can be shy, but thats not just it, it's also the fact that self-worth and meaning come into play. Also fear. So, I want to be able to approach people at whim, I often can approach people, especially strangers, but sometimes I get this gut feeling that a certain person that I really need to communicate is slipping past, and I cant step over the threshold and take the opportunity. Damn Me. I want to be able to fulfill my dreams and desires of having a group of friends who I respect and who respect me likewise, people I can trust, and have intellectual conversations with, BUT ALAS! the problem, my peers, are people I cannot relate to, people my age are.....well, people my age! I can associate myself so well with older people, maybe it was the way I was brought up and the things I have faced in my youth have propelled me further into the future, rather than dwawdling back with the others playing games and getting drunk, and sleeping left right and center with anything with two legs and a pulse. Hell! these things have that "pull" on me, they nag at you, but you feel that there is so much more to be had. That these things that my peers do like drink, party and spend all their money on materialistic things is just a temporary fix. Its that urge, that "pull" that is telling me there is more, something that is not just a fix. True happiness. I often believe that is accomplished through other people, then sometimes I believe that it is totally within myself to create happiness. Today I feel that it is inner happiness that allows you to branch out and accept things from other people. I am currently trying to "find myself" through a variety of activities which hold true for me at the moment, Parkour, which is a sport of movement which has deep philosophical meanings behind the face of the art, is something I practice daily for not just happiness but to relieve symptoms and the beginnings of depression and anxiety. The movements, although athletic can be profoundly dance like and lithe. It is something I enjoy. I also practice other sports like Acrobatics, Wushu, Tricking and even do stunt work, again for the relief of the negative thoughts which haunt us all, but for the adrenaline. This strange feeling as you tumble through the air brings CLARITY, something which is hard to obtain. When I work (I am a Chef) I sometimes cut myself with my knives while cooking, it doesn't happen often but sometimes I cut myself badly, the pain is harsh, cold, like a sharp streak that flows through, or better to describe it, Jars through you. I can feel the pain, then get past it. past the pain I can also find clarity, a diving feeling of not having to worry about anything, just to stay in the moment. It is something hard to describe. I know I have to end this post sometime, so it shall be now. I find forums topics become off topic quickly so if people want to continue this discussion you can PM me, to talk about this or something else. Objectives, Clarity, Love, Relationships, so many things we must find and have to help us along, Sam

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Why did I take him back? Posted: 5/13/2007 4:43:13 AM
Sobeit19, Scary how I relate to what you wrote, its a horrible thing to go through. Dump Him

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Breaking Conformity Posted: 5/13/2007 4:38:28 AM
I wrote this over a year or two ago, but it still always has meaning so I hope you like it. ---------------- There exists billions of zombies in today's society. Day in and day out, they do the same things. They wake up at the same time, brush their teeth in the same way, eat the same breakfast, take the same method of transport to work, do the same things at work... Why do they do it? I believe it is because they hope for something better some day. It is their hopes that things will improve if they continue doing that which they have been told all their lives will make things better. It is truly sad. Such people are broken of spirit and have weak minds. They've lost their free will. Instead they do what they have been so well-trained to do, like a dog committing the right combination of tricks to get a doggy treat. I've found that in almost anything that, at the moment, always seems arduous, tiresome, unrewarding at the time contains a hidden treasure of experience. Going against the flow of what is routine, normal, and typical will give you a library of experience which will give you a new insight on life. It teaches you what you can accomplish, and in most cases, you'd fine that if you are willing to go against the flow, you are already superior in many ways to the zombies which live amongst us. You become confident in what you do, that, if things go wrong, you can overcome the obstacles as you have done so before. You know when you have challenged yourself enough, because you won't want to stop. To have experienced new things, you know you could never be happy going back to the routine you were once in. And only living this life, will you be truly alive. Only living this life, will you be able to say you have no regrets when you are a grandfather. I challenge myself everyday. I feel sorry for those who see things only in the light of "the way it is supposed to be," for no better reason can be explained well enough for them to see it that way. I feel sorry for those who live day in and day out doing the same things. I challenge their routine to do something different, and it is met with negativity that can never be overcome. I challenge each and every one of you to do the same. Until you see the world in the glorious colors that it has been created in, you must struggle to overcome conformity and learn to see with your own eyes. Sam :)

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Love Is Whats? Posted: 5/13/2007 4:14:51 AM
Age is no factor in love, yes there are many guys out there who really have no clue what its all about, and often think they are in love, but as they get older they can decide wether or not what they felt was love, it isn't for you to decide. I was in a relationship for nearly three years, I cared for her, looked after her, appreciated and respected her, I loved her, and I know the feelings associated with it. 20 years old or not, I know what I felt. Not everyone youngin' is immature and unable to realise what their feelings mean. Children or not, this is no symbol for love, for SOME it is, but not for many since children are just the by-product of copulation. Many people go about having kids for the right reasons and many don't. Does the fact I impregnated my girlfriend show that I was in love with her? no. It was an accident, and they can happen. But regardless I did love her, age is no barrier. Oh and guys! thanks for your compliments hey, I will post some more of my work up soon! Sam

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

What is Love? Posted: 5/12/2007 1:48:58 PM
OH MY GOD, you people make me sad......

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

What is Love? Posted: 5/12/2007 12:47:48 PM
For Rune3 and Crazylilting Thank you for your kind words of wisdom. It greater helps define my view point on the subject. Maybe love is the ability to have your heart broken and still be open to share yourself with another after the previous pain. I know I am in a lot of pain, but I am open to share myself with others, because I know I am kind and loving, and their are other people out there who need this, if I am worthy for someone, my love is theirs. Sam

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 876 (view)

Why are older women not into younger guys??? Posted: 5/12/2007 12:44:06 PM
Well Tanner, It is said that young men at the age of 18 to 20 have the firmest and quickest erections of their lives. Men reach their genital and sexual prime at about 18, and after that there is a decline, not a sudden decline, but one nevertheless, and when he reaches his mid-40s, there is a steep decline. Women, on the other hand, never hit their sexual prime until the mid 30s. So going on the information I stated above, it is true that sexually, at least as far as stamina goes a younger guy coupled with an older girl will go the distance. But how about prowess, experience of actually knowing how to stimulate intense feelings in your partner, and how to bring about the true potential of sex? Some of these things do require some life experience, But! I have found, at least with myself. Being taught by an older women to do things such as taking time and not looking at every woman as a sexual object, has certainly increased my knowledge and made compatibility with older woman more easier. It's just that a lot of guys out there are not like this, they will "****" for the sake of it, because they can, without taking in mind the needs of their older partner. Thats why usually couples of older women and younger men don't work, unless you find a younger man that has been taught well Sam

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

What is Love? Posted: 5/12/2007 10:17:00 AM
Not sure, if this is the right section, but hopefully its a good read never the less, What is love? As I look back, or rather...re-live my emotions and feelings over the past 19, almost 20 years, I wonder, "Have I ever loved?....I think I have!". Not just relationships. Not even someone, but have I ever loved anything? Even ice cream? Doubtless there were times that I thought I loved. I thought I loved the color blue. I thought I loved the woman I dated. But as I look back on all these things, I notice that the way I perceived them, the way I felt about them, changed. Does love change? Must love be eternal to be called love? This might be confusing, but the things I write after having my love life crash down around me after a broken 2 year relationship leaves me raw and confused as well. ...perhaps I should have written this as a Philosophy piece? Is it enjoyment? If you enjoy the beloved all the time, every time, more than anything else, is it love? And when you quit enjoying, did the love end? Is love sex? That is what the media wants us to think. Love is "to be with someone". And to be with someone implies you have had sex with them. But what does this prove? It proves that you are human, that you are sexual. Does sex make a bond? Does it create love? The one-night-stand is an old familiar story, especially sad when the partner wakes up, and the other is gone. I'm sure this has happened grins, but its often hard to see through the hangover! Is love companionship? This seems to be a popular answer. Enjoying the same activities, spending lots of quality time together, is love? I have enjoyed many activities with many people. I have enjoyed spending lots of time with only one person. And it was nice. It was even great, but was it love? Which of my friends do I love? Was it love? "When it is love, you will know"...such a cop-out. But companionship is only good to a degree. It is not healthy for lovers to always be together. Lover's lives do not consist of only each other. Surely they enjoy reading, running, cooking, or some other activity without the presence of the partner. A person needs time to get to know themself, and a person needs time to soak up the wisdom of many good friends. Does love mean providing for someone? Like a bread-winner? If you care about someone, you give them what they need. But if you give someone what they need do you love them? Perhaps love is different in different contexts. Is love commitment? If you try to do all these things for a person, forever, if you enjoy them, spend time with them, have sex with them, provide for them, does that make it love? I feel incompetent to be writing about this topic. Perhaps more of you will share your incompetence and we will all learn something about love. In my opinion "love" is the hardest thing to describe, Im sure anyone can explain what it means to them, its just interprating others emotions are too dificult. I was sure I was "In Love" I had been with Lorren for over 2 years, It was wonderful, and even though I had my heart shat upon.....Lets just say writing this for you all is a sort of therapy for me. Love You All Sam - syzygy

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 868 (view)

Why are older women not into younger guys??? Posted: 5/12/2007 10:02:14 AM
Back all the way to Post 1 My first proper girlfriend was 27, and I was 17 this lasted a while, it was a great experience for me. But this relationship grew over time after being work collegues and friends for a few months before hand. Not all younger men are immature, just the majority, you have to become friends first with older women first, so they can pass judgment after they get to know you. All my subsequent girlfriends after the one previously mentioned where older than me, except one. The reason for this is because I am just not interested in anything younger girls do, no silly games, no Xbox, I prefer quite Wine Bars, and intellectual conversation. Maybe this will help shed some light after the many short and abrupt posts before mine. Sam

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Fun to explain? Posted: 5/10/2007 2:30:59 PM
Thanks for the words of wisdom, still, Its a shame it had to end this way. The one thing that will always change is change...... Shame that! Sam

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Fun to explain? Posted: 5/10/2007 2:01:23 PM
Young or old I don't doubt there is any difference between the pain felt, A lot of people would have the balls to tell me that what I felt was "nothing" and I'm too young to have the same sort of meaningful relationships that you can when you're older. Bullshit! As for the running away, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't part of the truth, but on the other hand I was meant to take this trip with her, and instead of cancelling as well. I decided to go out on a limb and do something for myself, rather than hole up in my room back in Australia. This way I can use the experience to meet lots of people, and as you say there are some people on this site that genuinly care, but damned I be if I can find them! maybe your one who does care? Anyhow thanks for the thoughts and words, Sam

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Love Is Whats? Posted: 5/10/2007 1:31:23 PM
What is love? As I look back, or rather...re-live my emotions and feelings over the past 19, almost 20 years, I wonder, "Have I ever loved?....I think I have!". Not just relationships. Not even someone, but have I ever loved anything? Even ice cream? Doubtless there were times that I thought I loved. I thought I loved the color blue. I thought I loved the woman I dated. But as I look back on all these things, I notice that the way I perceived them, the way I felt about them, changed. Does love change? Must love be eternal to be called love? This might be confusing, but the things I write after having my love life crash down around me after a broken 2 year relationship leaves me raw and confused as well. ...perhaps I should have written this as a Philosophy piece? Is it enjoyment? If you enjoy the beloved all the time, every time, more than anything else, is it love? And when you quit enjoying, did the love end? Is love sex? That is what the media wants us to think. Love is "to be with someone". And to be with someone implies you have had sex with them. But what does this prove? It proves that you are human, that you are sexual. Does sex make a bond? Does it create love? The one-night-stand is an old familiar story, especially sad when the partner wakes up, and the other is gone. I'm sure this has happened grins, but its often hard to see through the hangover! Is love companionship? This seems to be a popular answer. Enjoying the same activities, spending lots of quality time together, is love? I have enjoyed many activities with many people. I have enjoyed spending lots of time with only one person. And it was nice. It was even great, but was it love? Which of my friends do I love? Was it love? "When it is love, you will know"...such a cop-out. But companionship is only good to a degree. It is not healthy for lovers to always be together. Lover's lives do not consist of only each other. Surely they enjoy reading, running, cooking, or some other activity without the presence of the partner. A person needs time to get to know themself, and a person needs time to soak up the wisdom of many good friends. Does love mean providing for someone? Like a bread-winner? If you care about someone, you give them what they need. But if you give someone what they need do you love them? Perhaps love is different in different contexts. Is love commitment? If you try to do all these things for a person, forever, if you enjoy them, spend time with them, have sex with them, provide for them, does that make it love? I feel incompetent to be writing about this topic. Perhaps more of you will share your incompetence and we will all learn something about love. In my opinion "love" is the hardest thing to describe, Im sure anyone can explain what it means to them, its just interprating others emotions are too dificult. I was sure I was "In Love" I had been with Lorren for over 2 years, It was wonderful, and even though I had my heart shat upon.....Lets just say writing this for you all is a sort of therapy for me. Love You All Sam - syzygy

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Fun to explain? Posted: 5/10/2007 1:16:18 PM
I post this so as to make myself more open to other like minded and talkative people......I think! grins I'v pretty much just flown from Australia to England to do some travelling and soul searching after being cheated on, dumped, and having had my heart shat upon. The problem I find with the whole situation is that I still have feelings for the girl that dumped me. Her name was Lorren and I was with her for over two years, I was happy. And then she decided that drugs was the thing for her, and bolted from me to stay with a dealer......This sort of thing hurts. And now? I decided enough was enough, I want to explore the world, and I have flown to England, to start backpacking through 22 countries in Europe! At the moment I'm staying in Colchester, Essex, England, in the nice but lonely country side to visit family and have some time to myself. Problem being it is rather lonely out here, so I joined this this site so I could chat with some people and make some new friends! so yeah......thats me, Sam!

Joined: 5/7/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Viola! Holidays! Posted: 5/10/2007 1:10:11 PM
Hello all!, I go by the name of Sam, I'm a Colchester born Australian (go figure) that has just come back to England for holidays! I'll soon be travelling through over 22 countries in Europe for a little adventure I have planned. At the moment I am staying in the country and its rather lonely and boring here so I thought I'd join a site I can meet a few new people in. If anyone's wanting a chat, give me a buzz! Hello AlL! Sam

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