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Thread: why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 56 (view)

why not put more emphasis on women messaging men? Posted: 7/20/2012 11:45:50 PM
^^^ saw this, after I posted mine. There's an old (now) online expression: Tools, not rules. This has always stood me well in my adventures on the Internet (and well before that, when it was modem-to-modem, house-to-house computer-mediated communication). Tools, not rules means if you provide the tools, people will use them to do good things, without specifying too many rules to try to force behavior. The email tool here is rather conversational; think how it would be if you did not see the message history, top to bottom, scrolled continuously. What if you had a bunch of discrete messages, one per screen? It would suck. Markus got a lot of things right, as it turns out. Assuming he exists at all. ;) ________ EDIT: redacted some text, to stay on focus. No worries.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 43 (view)

Getting more rigid the older you get? Posted: 7/20/2012 7:30:42 PM
^^ I hear you. I'd like to date Crazy Vegan Lady, and take the pledge. I have significant trouble getting myself fed (not money, but the whole food procurement/cooking cycle is just too big a time budget, and there are savants out there who seem to do it so much better than I). One of the very few areas in which I'm totally lost, without a partner. I do manage. It's as not effective (and ethical) as I'd like it to be. I need the example to follow -- daily. I really do. ScottishHouston: Fun is over-rated, I believe. A person isn't fun; they have fun. Sometimes. A hard rain's a-gonna fall.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 69 (view)

One Line Replies (from Men) Posted: 7/20/2012 4:55:55 PM
I do not like getting a 'hi' message because it just puts the emphasis of having to spend time *writing something decent* onto me, which just puts me back into the position of writing a message that may well be deleted and ignored (which has happened). skylar, just triage. That's what the busier women here seem to be doing, who are still somewhat traditional about making any reply. Glance at all messages, and decide when you will reply. If you're that busy, it can be a week before you respond at all -- because the very next response is probably the last response, you may not want to waste it, with nothing thought out. . . . This is about pride in who you are, not about how it is received. When someone special comes along, that habit is going to pay off. . . . Anyway, that is what I think is, or ought to be, going on. I don't get that kind of traffic, but I have seen significant delays from the women I've sent first-contact to, who did eventually respond in a way I think did them proud. Not really telling you what to do. I just like to write declaratively. It's probably a bad habit.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 66 (view)

One Line Replies (from Men) Posted: 7/20/2012 6:52:42 AM
It's like two kids, blinking their flashlights on and off, from house to house when they're supposed to be sleeping. Most messaging is more like a telegram sent by morse code. It is airless, disjoint. INHERITANCE ARRIVED X INBOUND NEXT TRAIN X WILL SHARE ALL X MISS YOU X THEODORE ESQ Only sheer force of goodwill can save such a conversation.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 515 (view)

Single (never married at all) men over 45 Posted: 7/20/2012 6:34:50 AM
::so it wasn't just me:: Thanks.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 17 (view)

has this happend to you? Posted: 7/20/2012 3:27:40 AM
It's the human story. Enjoy your stay.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 61 (view)

One Line Replies (from Men) Posted: 7/19/2012 5:18:18 PM
I generally only write to women who gave an essay with a conversational tone. If I'm inspired, I'll write at length, up to about 5-7 lines that are as long as mine are in this post. The process is about the same as in the forum; I see something I have a response to -- so I respond. I'll be the first to admit, it's often not enough -- too short; a single thought. Sometimes, a question. I do treat them as though they'd invited a response. I don't think that's necessarily the case. I think, to them, it's a big mystery, and that they're not really here to respond. Instead, they're here to suddenly change venue or context. That is to say, they don't care what I wrote, since it is not in their agenda to begin with (which I cannot know, since they did not state it -- or -- and maybe more likely -- I bypassed their stated agenda, or tried to, and responded to peripheral matters in their profile).

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 33 (view)

So, The Girl That I love... Posted: 7/19/2012 4:10:32 PM
...aaaand ... Scene.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 23 (view)

the links between dalai lama and neuroscience... Posted: 7/19/2012 2:55:06 PM
Read Yidam and Dakini on Wikipedia. That'll make Hitchens wake from his grave to look at you, sternly. Buddhism is my last intrigue in this vein. There are certainly mental states that can be arrived at, through agency of belief and practice that, well, all you can say about them is one mental state can lead to another. I in my mind cannot conceive of another way to get to those states, without all the decorations. I can see using Buddhist monks to navigate in hyperspace one day, because they can reach the correct mental state -- that kind of sci-fi .. fantasy, right now. Umm .. also check out (philosopher) Nick Bostrom; esp. wrt his Simulation Argument (which, by itself, allows Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny .. not to mention the March Hare .. to be included in this reality). /just_babbling_YMMV namaste, baby.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 35 (view)

I choose to work a job with little pay...... Posted: 7/19/2012 1:41:18 PM
The only two places you can safely store wealth into the future, are into your health (body) and your knowledge (mind). However, if you are still determined to try, the next place is the land -- dwell on it, develop it; farm it. Almost everything else is scored with play money. This spoke the pfif, from the concern of his navel.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 98 (view)

So why don't you play an instrument? (or do you?) Posted: 7/19/2012 12:12:33 PM
I rarely listen to recorded music, the radio, &c. I have music going in my head -- usually, something I have heard only recorded. For example, Glen Gould's Goldberg Variations performance. I'll listen to that, any time I like, in my mind's ear. I only get snippets; it's nothing the same as giving the CD a listen.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 80 (view)

How do you handle not so good things in your profile? Posted: 7/19/2012 10:14:59 AM
I don't quite know how to convey this quickly, but in a very basic way, there are people who've led somewhat sheltered lives, away from (call it) urban angst, or Tex-Mex intrigue, &c. -- elements of my journey. I have family whose eyes would go wide as saucers if I narrated many of my own true life stories. I don't. They're decent people and, they're none too curious to ask. As my life became more urbane, less of a need to explain deep back- ground on me. It's old personal history. People wish me to listen, not to speak as much. Their need to be heard seems to alleviate my anxiety of being known; though in truth, it's not such a dicey story, and probably gets interpreted as bragging, or war stories. If people cut you off in conversation, they cannot very well lay down accusation in the future, about timeliness of disclosure. I don't think this is a worry; current status is more to the point, when dating. That should be enough trouble for anyone -- no need to borrow more, from a distant past. Let them ask. Tell your truth. Accept the result, gracefully.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 30 (view)

Do you avoid Holiday Get Togethers? Posted: 7/19/2012 9:44:36 AM
Like the plague. I'm more of the odd Tuesday night kind of person. The Chinese are my go-to people during xtian holidays, though that scheme has failed me a few times -- a Chinese dinner sold on a holiday evening is the best dinner of all. I do Thanksgiving at a diner with another rogue, if I can find one (the rogue, not the diner -- they are all hep to this). For xmas, I wear a black santa hat, and stare at people.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 21 (view)

Getting more rigid the older you get? Posted: 7/19/2012 9:21:05 AM
I have locational CRS (can't remember squat) -- but I do have the habit of putting things in multiple easy-to-find places -- each common thing I use has more than one spot and they follow specific patterns. When I visit others, I use a backpack, and put things back into the pack as soon as I'm done with them. I still occasionally leave things behind, and it's annoying if I don't have a second one at home. As a cyclist, I have to self-support, so I have to carry a spare tube and a pump, and weather gear, and sometimes night-riding gear. I do a pre-flight before every single ride, no matter how brief the stop, even if it's just to stop for two minutes at the corner store. I stretch fairly often, to maintain physical flexibility, in case I need to dash out on a bicycle errand on short notice. I put things in their spot that are required for a safe ride, ahead of need. I have enough to restrict me, without adding pet care to the list, so I don't have an animal here. I admit it: I'll eat almost anything at all, but if I know it'll have an adverse effect on digestion, I try to remember to merely be polite and not eat too much of it, or I'll trade conviviality for a shorter visit, where I can sort out the digestive consequences, privately. I have zero tolerance for background television audio (or video, for that matter). It's just so inane. I absolutely cannot stand television. EDIT: I balance my checking account to the penny, but only as a sanity check. I overpay every bill I get that allows this practice (all utilities do) and I use a coded system for the n/100th of a dollar -- the cents -- to track bills paid; as I overpay them, I can specify an arbitrary number of dollars and cents. This allows me the flexibility to notice how and when a bill got paid at a glance which lets me estimate more quickly what's surplus and what's already covered. As a result, I have a lot more when needed on short notice. So there's a pattern: detailed advanced preparation that enables flexibility. I think that scores in the rigid category, first, and in the flexibility category, secondarily.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 594 (view)

attractiveness difference Posted: 7/19/2012 8:38:19 AM
^^^ ^^^ ^^^ That's great. Check him out in the Star Trek Captain's Summit (Whoopi Goldberg hosts the video). I think it's on YouTube. What a marvelous human being he is.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 78 (view)

Girlfriend's wild past eating me alive, HELP! Posted: 7/18/2012 10:14:54 PM
OP: Your join date was Valentine's Day, 2009.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 588 (view)

attractiveness difference Posted: 7/18/2012 8:26:45 PM
Make it so, Number One.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 24 (view)

Is it OK to suddenly not wanting to be with anyone? Posted: 7/18/2012 8:21:48 PM
A lot of people are in a glorified just looking status, so your actions here don't really impact their lives. If you get under someone's skin, let them know immediately what your intentional stance is, in your own words.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 71 (view)

My Porch Posted: 7/18/2012 10:55:17 AM
power outage in the extreme heat I remember a day like that -- there was a cascade failure that began at Niagra Falls, or something. Within memory -- less than ten years ago. I set out a few oil lamps -- the ones I have are very bright. The air was completely still that night, so they burned without smoking. Everyone came out of their houses; you really needed fans going just to stay indoors, and there was no electricity for that. People would come up the walk, to get closer to the lamp light, sometimes just to fiddle with getting their flashlight working, or fool with something else they were carrying in their hands. It was interesting to see people just appear out of the dark, and not frightening at all. It was a sweet, civil moment, when they did so. I always keep four oil lamps in good repair; these are the brass, round wick lamps made by Gaudard, in France. I generally burn liquid paraffin (it's like candle wax) -- has no appreciable odour, other than the candle smell (very faint).

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 319 (view)

Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time? Posted: 7/18/2012 10:35:00 AM
"Honey, on three we gotta hop this freight car." How about a date where we go out pan-handling together? Or scalping tickets at a show?

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 64 (view)

Almost a year later and my ex apologizes for what happened in a past relationship Posted: 7/18/2012 10:30:02 AM
You can't lick your wounds until you get them.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 153 (view)

Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs Posted: 7/18/2012 12:22:34 AM
/me takes a bow ......................

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 317 (view)

Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time? Posted: 7/17/2012 11:50:13 PM
..if a man isn't approaching ya...then he isn't interested...period. Ah .. yeah. Yep. There was a woman at work -- she had to have been 15 years older than me. I knew it was stupid. I knew I'd be rebuffed. I also knew she was flattered, but not so much interested, personally. Just that she could still get that kind of draw. This was a while ago. I was about 31 at the time. Since I can read from a distance, I didn't have to say the words, and hear hers. It was all subtext, but the messages were exchanged. I have absolutely no doubt of that. To celebrate it, later, I did say some forward things to her, but with very specific cues to go with it, to indicate I accepted her decision, but I sure wished it was the other one, than the one she went with. This happens fairly often. It's nice, and from then on, nicer still. I was sweet on her, and I didn't have to hide it from her. There were little smiles and things, exchanged. I don't know if anyone else there noticed. I know darn well she did.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 57 (view)

When Do You Call? Posted: 7/17/2012 10:56:07 PM
generally.. If you want a different answer from mine, ask another man. onewayoranuther: I hear you. I'm sorry for your loss.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 149 (view)

Would you date someone who admitted to previous affairs Posted: 7/17/2012 6:35:30 PM
So, just when does one ask... Why, when Your Cheatin' Heart plays on the jukebox, of course. Just arrange that with the barkeep, on the way back from the powder room.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 62 (view)

My Porch Posted: 7/17/2012 6:04:34 PM
There was a woman in our neighborhood that somebody got the idea of, to visit her. I don't know who thought that one up, but we did. She was incredible. We moved from there when I was just eleven, so I don't recall too much what went on, but I do remember the eye-widening feeling of hearing of something new on her porch. I wish I could remember what it was, or why those encounters didn't become habit. Maybe she already knew about porch culture, and was just as surprised as we were, that we took to it, and to her. It was a suburban neighborhood, and these porches were usually called the breezeway and were little more than exposed slate floors under a roof, that someone probably later on added an enclosure to. Most people had some kind of a note box (often mounted on the door where a door knocker might go) so that a neighbor could leave a written note, if they'd come calling while the person was not at home (doors were kept locked in that neighborhood). I saw most breezeways and those note boxes up close -- I was a paperboy, and also we'd sell something door-to-door, in 4-H Club -- sponsorships, if I recall correctly.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 537 (view)

attractiveness difference Posted: 7/17/2012 4:21:26 PM
Heh. I think it's important to understand how being visual really works. This is why, when she wears pearls, I'm suddenly twice as .. interested, as they say. She can buy those. They can be cosmetic jewelry, inexpensive. I would suppose there's some symbolism there. Associations, and so forth. Another one can just say "look at me" while we're making love. Making me quiver, just thinking about that moment when she said that. It was what was in her eyes, that did it.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 374 (view)

Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag? Posted: 7/17/2012 3:43:55 PM
^^ That's not even close to how things work -- next time, ask follow-up questions, unless exaggeration is a red flag for you.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 79 (view)

How important are common interests? Posted: 7/17/2012 2:37:57 PM
^^Homonyms don't count, except the idiot ones (for pride, only). I used to, you know, bristle when I saw them .. until I started doing them, myself. It's part of the writing process. You get a pass on that, since a forum post is only a rough draft. I near always catch them when I bother to proof-read. Misspellings, not so often. I do have to look those up, and I occasionally get 'em right the first time, but don't believe it. profile glance .. We (extended family) have miniature Australian Shepherds. They're very attentive to their humans. We talk a lot. HawkingJr: Nice post.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 507 (view)

Single (never married at all) men over 45 Posted: 7/17/2012 10:44:36 AM
..assessing a long term partnership with much broader intellect Yup. Hopefully, it is their own, and not simply borrowed, eh?

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 364 (view)

Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag? Posted: 7/17/2012 12:10:09 AM
^^ You're plural?

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 209 (view)

Are you getting tired on Internet Dating too? Posted: 7/17/2012 12:02:58 AM
I try to keep a beginner's mind regarding this place, and what it can facilitate. I try to remember, each day, what was on my mind during the very first login.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 41 (view)

How Do You Keep an Open Mind and Protect Your Heart? Posted: 7/16/2012 6:39:54 PM
always rub one out before a date !

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 505 (view)

Single (never married at all) men over 45 Posted: 7/15/2012 7:08:32 PM
As the OP well knows, I should suppose -- it was pretty commonplace in my day, to not marry. People snuck off and got married, sure, but the incident was rarely reported.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 90 (view)

I want to know the worst of you before I learn the best of you Posted: 7/15/2012 4:01:55 PM
This will be a good one to ask a monk or a Jesuit sometime. I love the truth, but brother, that's one hot fire.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 330 (view)

Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag? Posted: 7/15/2012 11:03:39 AM
I've known few women well enough to have heard an honest life's story out of them. The one that did, was unique, and she told me her truth. For years. Since I did not hold a willingness to commit as a valid metric by which to engage with a woman, I discovered, quite by accident, that .. well, actually, it's none of your business. ... and I'm back quiet.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 66 (view)

How important are common interests? Posted: 7/15/2012 7:57:21 AM
In my teens and twenties, and through my mid thirties, I often had an oppor- tunity to do something with a new friend I'd never done before. In general, I wasn't merely open to that -- I was quite eager. A few things I didn't know how to gain soon enough, through friendship; so I'd just pursue those from scratch, on my own. While I met other enthusiasts, by going that route, I didn't learn how to strongly connect with them, except mostly on their terms (if at all) -- and that was fine, too. Computer club was an interesting lesson in this: We never talked about computers, with our best, newly-formed friendships from the club. It got ridiculous after a while, just how little we'd talk computers. Hilarious! That doesn't mean it was a sham to be there -- far from it. We were all defi- nitely computer enthusiasts. It's just not something easily, often shared. More of a mutual support thing, especially tangibles (swapping and trading gear, basic information, and occasionally, a demo with lots of heckling). Mostly, we paddled kayaks and canoes, and sailed -- from computer club borne friendships. One time we took an inflatable (a Zodiac) up the Connecticut River, for the Fourth of July. That was awesome, and unique (motoring on a river!) Many of those interesting activities happened because one of the fellows owned enough gear to share. That's how the kayaking trips began -- he had enough equipment for four adults. Same with aviation -- a friend had his own airplane (Cessna 172). Same with sailing -- one friend acquired a boat, and was looking for a crew to enjoy it with him. Like that. . . . I think the take-away here is this: to have a personal history of being open to participation in activities that do require a large investment in equipment. To have had a pretty good background in doing so. That's a general trait, I think. I'd be more interested in dating someone with that trait. Equipment-based recreation usually means short-term interest in that form of recreation, except for the person who owns the equipment. That person is a die-hard enthusiast. For that person, they probably need to watch more carefully, about people with compatible interest in the very thing they own the equipment do to; love to do. Or have some other mojo as a backup. I've seen it: friction with the partner, while one's off with their friends, doing the equipment-based thing, and the other's home, stewing over it. And .. those two first met, out in the world, doing that same activity.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 30 (view)

Define a healthy relationship Posted: 7/14/2012 4:58:27 PM
I'm not sure I've seen one of those up close. Boundaries, thrift, appropriate ambition, conformity to one another, compromise, dignity, forbearance, focus, gratitude, latitude, attitude, faith, hope, justice, love, admiration, nurture, nutrition, exertion, caution, awareness, tranquility, strength, solidity, frugality, erudition, knowledge, pacing and timing, joy, experience, nobility, humanity, empathy, sobriety, continence (self-restraint), care and carefulness, order and organization, cleanliness, warmth, clarity, vigilance, stamina, harmony, thoroughness, wit, humour, sorrow and contrition, mindfulness, diligence, vision, placement, consciousness, kindness, virility and vitality, courage, wisdom, patience, tolerance and compassion all play some role, in some sort of balance. So I suppose. _____ Didn't have time to sort and mark-up as I might have liked. Posted in haste!

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 87 (view)

So why don't you play an instrument? (or do you?) Posted: 7/14/2012 12:29:38 PM
Thanks, GreenThumbz18 -- good advice. I'll look into those! I like Steve Howe's guitar videos. Haven't looked at many other instructionals. Since I already like his music, they're a treat to watch and listen and learn from.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 14 (view)

Whats the Best Travel Advise You Could Give or Heard? Posted: 7/14/2012 12:18:09 PM
Set out a pocket flashlight before immersion bathing after dark (power failures). Skip immersion bathing if concerned about safety -- bird bath: better. Socks and undergarments can be of nylon, for quick wash and dry overnight. Look like your picture in your passport.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 151 (view)

Traveling Solo Posted: 7/14/2012 12:06:14 PM
I think I would go with rail travel and a folding bicycle, and drop in on net friends receptive to meeting. I wouldn't want to expose a new travel partner to all that. I'm good with being the secondary, as well -- let them set the agenda. Either works for me. If we're going to camp, then I do want a trio. You can always separate and agree to meet up at the next waypoint. Or skip a few waypoints.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 160 (view)

Grocery Store Dating. Posted: 7/13/2012 9:28:51 PM
Nice post. I still have a (good) dictionary from the old lady I was friends with in my last apartment building. That was a great building, and I became one of the go-to people for the old ladies that lived there, to change lightbulbs; being that I was > 6' tall, you get tapped for light bulb duty a lot. ... and I'm back quiet.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 144 (view)

Where DO you feel it's okay to approach you? (women) Posted: 7/13/2012 9:14:39 PM
She's not the OP -- my bad. Sorry, OP -- I didn't do my fact-checking on that one.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 135 (view)

Where DO you feel it's okay to approach you? (women) Posted: 7/13/2012 10:37:43 AM
^^ spot on. Yes, the world must be peopled. However, not every person need participate in that. There really is no danger of us running out of folks. Plenty of babies being made. Way plenty. The fact is, this is no longer a cave in Neandertal (which is in Germany, if I recall correctly). There are social protocols. One of them is that a woman must always feel safe in her person -- always. No exceptions. Seems to me verbal rape crosses that line, which is what the OP reported. End of story. /thread.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 24 (view)

Is too much technology affecting children's creativity/imagination? Posted: 7/13/2012 10:09:54 AM
We were feral children. When I was six, I got seriously ill, and was taken out of first grade after seven weeks of that (nuns, too -- got a sample of that mindset). In the early spring, while the other kids went to school, I had the whole neighborhood to myself. So I'd go and see the old man making maple syrup in a shack, go out and look at his pails collecting the tree sap, and catch turtles in the woods. Well, one turtle. Saw an older boy take a pair of pliers to a bullet, remove the lead, set the bullet on the window sill, and light the powder (a tiny rocket -- neat). I believe he's the one who shot someone through the calf of the leg with a .22, when the bullet skipped off the water -- it was an accident. We learned you could take a roll of caps -- those red paper tape ones -- and push a shirt pin through each load of gunpowder, and fanfold it. Wrap that with scotch tape. Make a fuse. BANG. Pretty good, but you made three of them and lost interest. No injury. Made forts in the woods. A bow and arrow -- every boy had some kind of a knife. First, jack-knives. Then, hunting knives. No injuries. Garrison Keillor mentions 'fooled with jack-knives and talked dirty' as an activity. Yeah, he had that right. Though we didn't have any clear notion what the dirty words meant. There was no place to go, to find out. Still, we knew we liked what we saw in musty old copies of Playboy. Nobody had to explain why. We just knew. The real filth hadn't gone to press yet. We heard stories, passed by word of mouth. That was about it. Even with pr0n, you had to use your imagination, because nobody had any, just the stories they heard. Sawed off the fork of an old bicycle, and tap the legs onto the ends of a good bicycle -- chopper. They don't ride well. Disassemble. Use vaseline to grease the wheel bearings. Probably ruins them. Go down to the bicycle shop and spend your allowance on a gear chain for a Sturmey-Archer 3-speed -- so you could do your paper route. Sent out of the house early in the day, not to return (except for lunch) until dark, during summer. If you returned: weed the garden, clean dad's mess in the garage (sawdust from his table saw got over everything). Chores. That's what you had waiting for you if you didn't get out of the house when mom said so. Smart woman. Threw stones into the air and watch the bats dive-bomb them in almost-dark twilight -- street lights already come on. That killed an hour. Found some palates fashioned into a raft -- materials probably lifted from the construction of the new high school. Boarded the raft; the weight of three of us kept the surface underwater, about two inches, so our feet got wet -- and the pond was only four feet deep in most places, but covered three acres. Saw tons of painted turtles, and red-winged blackbirds in the reeds at the overgrown end of that pond. Used a 9 foot pole to push off the bottom. I think ma's policy was: well, you didn't drown two days ago when you said you went there. Not completely sure I didn't give her a cover story for that one. Went into the brook where the skunk cabbage and water skeeters were -- in my new Hush Puppies<tm> shoes that were supposed to be for church. Oops. Did a lot of shoe-ruining -- a lot. I mean a lot! Every pair -- wet.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 427 (view)

attractiveness difference Posted: 7/13/2012 6:50:16 AM
^^ Yes and no. Here's how that works: If they're over 30, they're adults. But they're pretty close to the age of children of other men the same age. They look -- like cherubs. Just not quite baked and ready to come out of the oven. When they hit about 42, they're well-seasoned, and we have a lot in common. Probably little chance for LTR, but maybe they're not looking for that, right then. It's respectable, though. When they get to be, oh, about 47+, then nobody scolds or gossips, plus now you get to open up accurately about life-stage issues related to age. Fair enough?

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 36 (view)

What 2 look 4 when u r over 45... Posted: 7/13/2012 2:01:40 AM
Meddling in the affairs of others tells me more about the so-called matchmaker than the two people to be matched. In one case, the person doing the match-making was clearly interested in dating the woman, himself -- except he was married. So he wanted to see her get courted (by me) and live vicariously, through my experiences. Worse, she was the sister of the one we both were wowed by. I took a pass. This is why I stay the heck away from dating women who know anyone I know very well. If you want to go that route, meet at a party where it turns out she was invited there because she knew someone you didn't know, and few others there. Less chance of a Peyton Place thing happening, later on.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 157 (view)

Grocery Store Dating. Posted: 7/13/2012 1:35:36 AM
Yeah, definitely the meal after the high-intensity sports is the time, not during. One guy brought his sister to our kayak outing in whitewater. Didn't make any headway with her until the meal in the restaurant. We all had a great time. It would have been poor form to try something with her, individually; she was in a target-rich environment, and was drinking it all in. It wasn't awkward at all. The endorphins from the paddling (kayaking) helped a lot. As far as I know, nobody there dated her. Doesn't mean it wasn't fun; it was great just to get to know her. A real amazon -- and smarter than just about anyone I've ever met, from what I could tell about her. . . . BTW, sailing is a great way to get to know people, and it doesn't have to be incredibly expensive.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 60 (view)

Almost a year later and my ex apologizes for what happened in a past relationship Posted: 7/13/2012 12:50:30 AM
Taking advice from a fish could get you committed. You're on your own with this one, Padre.

pfif

Joined: 6/11/2012

Msg: 58 (view)

What do You do on a Bad Date? Posted: 7/13/2012 12:17:42 AM
I worked a lot of temporary jobs (including out of a labor pool) in my twenties. There was this one tough old bird who ran his own moving company. I was his help of the day -- he couldn't retain an employee to save his life. (This story is roughly on topic). So at some point, he um .. pees .. on the side of a building, in broad daylight -- pretty much front entrance to the place* we were moving stuff into .. or out of (I forget). That was about all I needed to assess this guy -- it was so wrong. He could have made some effort to do that someplace else. Later, he was riding me pretty hard -- I don't remember how old I was -- somewhere older than 19 and less than 25, is all I remember of that time. I turned to him and said in an exasperated voice: "Mister McCarthy, you're a rude, mean man." He STFU the whole rest of the afternoon, wrt riding me -- and did not fire me. We got along fine after I said that. (His name wasn't McCarthy -- took license to make one up here). I consider it my duty to society (we're way past duty to self, here) to set the boundaries when someone misbehaves to that extent. I don't carry it forward. In five minutes it's forgotten. Lots of times it goes fine, after that. My mother called this having a thick skin and I had always needed to grow one -- so I did. The more they act out, the more I laugh at them. It's not meant to be mean -- I'm laughing mostly at the failed attempt to get under my skin. I tell them what I'm thinking, right to their face. It's good-natured; I truly am on their side in this. It's compassion. I make these decisions when I sign up for a .. a date, I suppose, when we get to that one (I haven't). I'm signing up for an adventure. I know in advance, it can go pretty wrong. I would just dynamically set new boundaries with them, as the problems arose, and mentally cross them off the list of people I'll be spending oodles of time with, three months hence. ________ * Kind of a posh place; today it would no doubt be a decent, upscale condo.

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