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Thread: Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/16/2012 4:47:47 AM
That was probably the biggest load of BS I've read in a while. Good start to my morning, thanks. But when you find the research backing up all the statements she posted, somehow making them fact versus ignorant opinion, please feel free to message them to me. If I still have an account in......never.
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:46:20 PM
If I didn't feel established enough to have sex, I wouldn't be establishing anyone as my boyfriend.
Sexual Compatibility...find out first or later in the relationship
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:43:16 PM
Ugh, no thank you. First of all, sex with a virtual stranger is not my cup of tea. I'm uncomfortable, we're both trying really hard but we know nothing about each other to guide us, and I can't be entirely sure I won't regret having you as a notch on my bedpost.
I'm not saying I'm waiting for a ring. I can't say I'd be waking for anything in particular. I just have no desire to do something I'm uncomfortable with as some sort of experiment. I guess I just want to wait until I don't want to wait anymore. :)
Face booking etiquette
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:30:26 PM
I don't think you should add her. Where do you go from there? Would she even recognize you? I say do it the old fashioned way. Stalk her in person. Go see a movie every weekend and take it from there. You can even mention how you saw her profile on Facebook conpletely randomly. If she says you should/should have added her, there ya go.
So guys when and how did you learn how to have intercourse
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:15:15 PM
Please don't feel as if you need to put him through some sort of sexual boot camp because of an unfulfilling experience. Learning takes time , and he hasn't had any.
Be patient. Every man dreams of his first round of intercourse, but few imagine it will only last 30 seconds. I'd imagine he's not overly pleased with his performance and the last thing you both need is performance anxiety problems. Confidence is key. He's going to be overly excited at first. That's what happens to virgins, and eventually it ends , barring some sort of health issue. Then he'll be ( slightly) less obsessed with immediate intercourse and be able to focus on the other aspects of sex. He's also learning the ability to STOP before the point of no return, and, once again, focus on the other stuff.
An important issue here is that all women are not the same. Men cannot magically be "good at sex" because there isn't a knowledge bank that works for all of us I think men vastly overestimate the knowledge they receive from porn. Sure, you may learn a few slick moves, but they're worthless without the right foundation and knowing what your woman likes. Think about it...if porn was the magic key, we'd all be running to 18 year old boys and virgins for sexpertise. Not happening. You have to know what feels good to you and how to get it. Namely, mastrubation and loving direction to your bf. Good lovers want to please, which means they want to be led in the right direction. Marturbate. It's a good thing, and you can learn a lot. . :). When your bf seems to be getting too hot and heavy, switch things up and it'll slow him down. If you aren't using condoms, use them.
You don't need porn. Porn will only set up unrealistic expectations and give you new positions to be unfulfilled in. It'll also increase his stimulation, and that's the last thing you both need. No sharing. You've experienced first time sex with your bf. Imagine him repeating that 10 times. Think he would learn much?
My husband and I have been together since we were 17 and virgins. I was terribly let down by sex - media makes it look so amazing and magical from the first moment! Maybe for some it is, but I think it's unrealistic at your age. We grew up and learned together, and now we have a good ole time. :)
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/15/2012 5:34:02 PM
I think red flag is a bit too strong of a word. I think it's something that bears investigating.
For instance, at my age it's actually more abnormal for a man to be divorced with kids, so the flag isn't based on some sort of inherent flaw. If the man has some sort of terrible, unmarriable personality, I'll find that out quite quickly. My concern would be children. I've already ha three, and I wouldn't want more, I don't think. Would he be ok with that? Or is that a red flag for him???
As I get older and most single people are divorcees, the game changes a bit. Once again, the reasons are key. Spent the first years of your life focused on your career and now ready to slow down? No problem. Three extremely long term relationship where you were eventually dumped because you refused to committ? That may be a red flag.
Overall, I think it's safe to just let time tell. Either you'll be great together and your lives will mesh or it'll be a hot mess...regardless of the past
Vibrators and Orgasms
Posted: 7/15/2012 5:24:12 PM
I really, really doubt it unless there's some sort of mental block against masturbation or a woman just hasn't figured out how ronmaturbate yet. But then, if you can't figure out how to masturbate, I can't imagine how you figured out how to orgasm during sex
So I'm voting no. Obviously I haven't don't any polls, so take it for what's it's worth.
Why make all the sacrifices?
Posted: 7/15/2012 4:09:16 PM
I'm sorry, unreasonable or not, if I tell you I'm waiting to have sex and you respond by telling me, "Fine, I'll be having sex with other women while you're waiting..."
There's the door. We are obviously not on the same wavelength and might as well cut our losses now. It's glaring to me that you're already counting sacrifices and keeping score.
Do what you do, but that was not a match made in heaven. Some women are free with sexuality - I'd recommend you find someone like that. The best match for a woman with a timeline is a man who respects timelines.
Posted: 7/15/2012 4:02:05 PM
Wow. That sounds absolutely brutal. Sorry your having to go through that.
As others have suggested, maybe it was some reflection while you were gone; you didn't say what your issues were, but itMs entirely possible you're an extreme optimist and the problems were not quite so small or easy, and maybe after some time you'll realize a break up is for the best. Or maybe they really were manageable - just not to him anymore. Sometimes we stay in bad relationships because we're comfortable, not because they're great.
It sounds to me like it was a struggle to break up with you; super avoidant text messaging, doing everything while you were gone, even burning his bridges by outright spreading rumors. That says to me that breaking things off with you was difficult but he really and truly felt it needed to happen, so while it hurts like hell, maybe it is time to let it go. Maybe not... Maybe you'll be back together next week. But while you're apart, really dedicate some time to figure out why he would go to such extremes to end things. That is not a sign of happiness. At all.
Define a healthy relationship
Posted: 7/15/2012 3:38:20 PM
I most definitely agree with OutMind's post. Even the healthiest of relationships will struggle because life is hard and we're all imperfect.
I think communication, love, commitment, and a willingness to fix what is broken are major keys to health. Without any one of those things, the problems are downright glaring.
Need Relationship Advice
Posted: 7/15/2012 3:29:56 PM
If you want to hang around and see if she comes around and is ready for a relationship in he future, then wait around. If you can't tolerate the idea that she's keeping her options open and dating others, then move on.
Obviously you haven't swept her off her feet yet. Not saying you've done something wrong, but maybe time will change things, maybe not.
Emphasis on music, dancing, movies
Posted: 7/15/2012 3:26:48 PM
I'm sure it varies from person to person. People can enjoy those things without them qualifying as an actual, life consuming hobby. Then there are movie/music/dancing buffs.
I love music - I couldn't imagine being with anyone who doesn't. My husband loves music, but is a fan of different genres. It's fine because we can both appreciate good points in all areas, and we have a few commonalities. We both love classic rock. I cannot stand his classic/outlaw country for the most part, but I've grown to love a few songs/artists.
I'm a firm believer that an interesting person can find value in anything. You may not love every style of dancing, but there is still fun to be had. You may not be movie obsessed, but there have to be SOME movies out there that would strike your fancy.
I dunno...I have little kids. I'm out of the world of having time for hobbies so I'm not an expert on them I guess ;)
The EX's Friend
Posted: 7/15/2012 3:17:26 PM
There are some crazy people out there. I'm sure he's your ex for a reason.
Some people are resentful and can't let go of people they've targeted once that big X is on their chest. Next time, ignore. Whether this was a real situation and friend or some sort of game...ignore. If you find nude pictures of yourself up, press charges.
And, next time, if you must take nude pics, KEEP THEM.
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