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Thread: Having trouble working through this, and I thought I was a strong person..

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Having trouble working through this, and I thought I was a strong person.. Posted: 9/9/2008 2:05:42 PM
o.k., this parallels my story. i can almost feel the degree of suffering you are experiencing. i was married 13 yrs to someone who was (i thought) my prince charming...it WAS the fairy tale, and i was sooo happy-never before had i felt so secure. as time passed he too had outbursts of anger-blaming them on his headaches. working in the medical field i found sensible answers to my questions-why was he angry, why did he sleep alot, why did he stay glued to the computer (depressed due to bad headaches-i thought). i asked him if there was another woman-"NO!", did he still love me "more than ever and forever!", did he want a divorce" never, i love you with all my heart and soul"....i was so confused, but believed the only man i ever knew that would never lie to me. it was in horror and disbelief that i discovered his secret life-a life that would cause MY fairy tale to unravel. he had a secret life as a woman-not all the time, but, apparently enough of the time...all that i believed in was gone. so, i do believe this man loves you, but, there is a secret part of him that he doesn't want you to know about. i could be dead wrong! my ex wasn't lying when he told me there was no other woman. he wasn't only cross dressing, but, sending suggestinve photos of himself to other men-lots of them. alot of things made sense then-headaches due to the stress of living 2 lives each day, keeping this secret was eating him away. AND guess what???? he remarried 4 days after our divorce....and is presently living his "normal" life..yeah, right. anway, sorry to go into MY story...but, think very hard, try to remember...anything abnormal over the years....men calling for him (you didn't know). he may have a secret. i pray for your happiness and peace within yourself knowing you were not the cause of this break-up!! keep yourself busy-put all your energy in good things, i know it will be so difficult, but, you can do it.

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

When is it a good time to leave and when is it good to stay? Posted: 8/26/2008 3:51:44 PM
omg-do you know i pray each night to meet someone who i loved that much...as you refer to loving your wife like a sister, a friend. hey, thump yourself on the head and WAKE UP...that's what love is...and a loving partner is ALL those things to you...your spouse, your best friend, and at times she may be sister-like...it's all rolled up into something you may not encounter again with anybody. i once had a love like that...i would have died for the other person...and i've never had it again. mabye, probably, won't ever have it again. think this out....are you just longing for a bit of excitement? hey, you can find exciting hobbies...you care for your wife because you love her!!! if it was sooo bad-bad enough for you to leave you would NOT care about her, maybe wish bad things on her. i don't know....this is a tough one and only you can make this decision...but heed this warning.. are you really ready to lose your family? because that is what divorce does! and if you are ready to lose it all-all that you have invested in and worked hard on together...well then what do you have to lose? gotta have guts!

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

why did he drop me and should I contact him after a month? Posted: 8/19/2008 1:30:04 PM
unfortunately, i am sooooo much like you and have gotten into the same sort of situation-feeling impossible to let go, and wondering, wondering what i did wrong. but, the truth is this: even if you did everything perfectly this guy would still do these jerky things to you. he doesn't appreciate anything and will probably do the same to every single woman who tries to have anything to do with him. you are better and you know it! you are kind and caring and people walk all over and we just try, try to make it "right" co-dependents that we are. don't blame yourself. when you are with the RIGHT man, he will love every little thing about ya and you'll look back and think this thought about the jerk "what was i thinking-yeeeeeeuck!" i am about your age and when it comes to men, shouldn't we be smarter by now? if you want to talk more and need a support person, contact my profile, i'll be glad to help you!

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

why did he drop me and should I contact him after a month? Posted: 8/19/2008 12:55:53 PM
NO!! you should NOT continue to reach out to him-he does not deserve another second of your loving kindness. think of it this way...you can shower him with all your love/affection and he just seems to toss it away, OR, you can find someone new-a friend, a date, maybe a longterm relationship to invest your love in. i know all too well where this confusion and heartache will leave you-empty, sick to your stomache, swollen eyes from tears. while he isn't giving you a second thought. i am sorry to learn that he is being so cold and doesn't have the guts to give you an explanation and for that this guy is not only a jerk, but also a coward. you deserve better. i realize it is sooo difficult to cut all ties with him-especially because you work in the same place-but, you must do it. he obviously doesn't care if you fall off the face of the earth, so, why should you suffer? turn it around girl, you can do it-hold your head high, go out there and strut your stuff, get online and meet new friends, keep yourself so busy you don't have time to think of him. good luck!

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 73 (view)

yes, it IS sad that so many people are that way! Posted: 8/15/2008 2:51:03 PM
and it IS true....i know a number of women who advertise themselves on POF as single and "looking for love" and they are NOT single, or in a live-in relationship. these women are my competition for goodness sake-and i am available-hahaha. anyway, these women just CRAVE attention from men and their own man isn't enough. No matter how much attention they are getting from their partner (and believe me, they are STILL getting it on a regular basis)-it has to come from multiple men! they enjoy the thrill of the chase and the final reward is conquering the man with sex-who will then do just about anything for these phony women. these women friends of mine (and i am NOTHING LIKE THEM!!!! i am honest, one man woman who believes in morals and monogamy and hopes for LOVE) get total satisfaction of knowing they can hold a man's heart and testicles in their greedy little hands-and have the power to crush both. it's a game to them. who is the loser at this game?? i have seen them do this over and over to many men-the women have no conscience and so they never lose. ha! what a joke they are. so, yes....many people are more about getting laid!

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

guys delete rate.... Posted: 8/15/2008 2:43:45 PM
how do you know the guys delete rate is 90%?? i too hardly get any responses or "notice" by anybody new. i have been on POF for a year now. it's a good thing i am not dead set on meeting my forever love on POF. really, i become quite bored with empty mail box. good luck, i totally understand where you are coming from! buhnannie

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

i wish i knew too- what the magic time line is... Posted: 8/13/2008 1:34:54 PM
well, your story is similar to mine. was married to a man for 13 yrs, who i thought was IT, my prince charming, the love of my life, my FOREVER.... and he turned out to be transexual, crossdressing i don't know what to call him-he was flaunting himself to other men and stuff. i was devastated, then started to date and had the rebound relationships, the heart breaking relationship, the dates, etc-and i still end up wondering the same thing...when is IT going to truly happen to me?? what's up? will it never happen again in my lifetime? i miss being with someone i truly love! i too have had relationships in which i felt "nothing" even though they seemed to be great guys, or held on to the bad ones a bit too long. someone once told me that it's usually about 4 yrs after a divorce, or break-up of a long term relationship in which you'll be really ready and therefore your karma will be open to meet the right guy. who knows?? best of luck to you, you are still really young and have so many chances ahead of ya!! in the meantime, have alot of dates and just consider it a great way to meet new friends! your guy will come along!!!! but, will mine...........??

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 701 (view)

CrAzY 8's PaRtY @ Stratford Bar Ballroom {St. Louis & Surrounding} 080808 6:30p.m. to 1:30a.m. Posted: 8/8/2008 2:40:44 PM
hey girlie girl-yeah, that would be SOOOOOOO nice if i could hang out with y'all. by the time i write this, you are probably already there at the Stratford-see ya soon!! annie

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 688 (view)

CrAzY 8's PaRtY @ Stratford Bar Ballroom {St. Louis & Surrounding} 080808 6:30p.m. to 1:30a.m. Posted: 8/8/2008 10:08:41 AM
hey harleykat-do you still need help throughout the evening?? i can do something...coming by myself and would rather keep a bit busy, than just stand there-i'm real shy and don't see myself approaching people for conversation. if not, that's o.k. annie

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 64 (view)

Labor Day Fish Float August 29th thru September 2nd Posted: 8/7/2008 3:57:15 PM
what if i don't have a partner....would there be someone willing to let me join them?? thanks! i prefer not to paddle alone annie

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Sex & The City MOVIE PREMIERE EVENT, St. Louis, 5-30-08 Posted: 5/29/2008 3:57:39 PM
harleycat-i HATE to bow out of this great event...but, have to drive my elderly room mate to tennesse-ugh,ugh, agh!!! i can't let this poor woman attempt to drive herself, so, in my heart...it's the right thing to do. please keep me informed of any other upcoming cool events. have fun everyone!!

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

hello broken hearted sister Posted: 5/29/2008 3:40:43 PM
all i can say is be glad it wasn't 10 yrs into the relationship...or 15 years. i know, i know...people say BE GLAD, or WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU FEEL SAD?? of course you are hurt and broken hearted! you love this guy! it's only human to feel sadness and hurt. you gave it your all. and i bet,down the road, he DOES call and i pray, i really pray, you will be with a wonderful man who truly loves you forever...and the guy who dumped you can feel broken hearted. yeah, that's what i hope. yes, meet new friends. healing time is different for everyone...you take as long as you need. please surround yourself with friends and whatever makes you happy. good luck!

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Sex & The City MOVIE PREMIERE EVENT, St. Louis, 5-30-08 Posted: 5/20/2008 2:00:27 PM
this is GREAT!! i was wondering who i could go see the movie with!! i don't mind going alone, but, HEY with a few new gal pals...it'll be that much better. maybe a few new guy pals too!

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

Its all about looks Posted: 3/27/2008 4:36:39 PM
YUP! hate to say it gal, but, it works that way....think about it.. guys buy playboy, hustler, etc...and get off on "looks" alone on a flat piece of paper. i hate to be so bold to put it this way....yet, for MOST women, we just can't get INVOLVED with a photo of a guy in a magazine!!! often, i think the same way as you....if you don't have the LOOKS, orget it...on POF, or match.com, or any of these.....or, if you have "so, so" looks, yet "put out" like it's nothing....then, your real popular too. unfortunately, i know several women who met their SO CALLED LOVES OF THEIR LIFE this way. me, i have morals, average looks, me...i'm not a phony and can't "put on" like i'm someone i'm not! now, think of this....think of a few beautiful movie stars (renee zelleweger, reese witherspoon, jennifer aniston....) who have gone long periods of time singlewhat's wrong with them???? they even have trouble meeting a good guy!! that always makes me feel a bit better-LOL!!

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 198 (view)

Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime? Posted: 3/27/2008 3:04:05 PM
hey girl-i looked at your profile and you GOT IT GOING ON too girlfriend! i don't know what they other women are doing on POF to get the good ones, or long lasting love...hmmm, about your disability....i will try to contact you privately. yes, that may be daunting....but, let me tell you this-the man that steps up to the plate carrying his love for YOU, well, he will come with unconditional love. you laid it all out on the table, no PRETENSE, and he will come loving you no matter what. this man will be strong and kind and caring- his love will make you feel safe, secure and cherished. this i know...don't ask me how, i just FEEL it chelle!! oh, i looked at the other women's pics and there are SO many beautiful women...i am a bit insecure, really. i'll try to make contact with you. annie

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 188 (view)

Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime? Posted: 3/27/2008 11:46:28 AM
then why are you still here?? on POF??? what gives?? if you met mr. perfect, why are you still on here..? this is what i mean, are alot of people on this site not even available???

Joined: 6/3/2007

Msg: 186 (view)

Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime? Posted: 3/27/2008 11:42:32 AM
i don't think so....i believe they are all looking for PERFECT and it's all in the "here and NOW" for them. sorry guys, but, it shouldn't be so difficult. and actually, what percent of people who are on POF actually DO meet their special someone here?? maybe 10%, 15%???????? honestly, i don't even get e-mails....it's discouraging. i'm not so bad...hahahahaha.

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