Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent? chat & forums.

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Thread: Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 132 (view)

Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent? Posted: 10/7/2007 8:37:15 PM
I'm sorry to say this, but probably not. I have my time to myself, and would like someone who can share it with me with no impediments. No kids, no parents.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

Chemistry and declining hormone levels Posted: 10/7/2007 8:35:17 PM
I haven't met anyone lately that I lust after. I just went into full menopause about a year ago, right after my last LTR. To be honest, it's nice for me. I look at people who who they are, not what my body feels for them. Unfortunately, most men I meet are still ruled by the "other" head.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 61 (view)

You both have your own home, what do you do now? Posted: 10/7/2007 8:32:42 PM
Reminds me of one LTR I had. We were thinking of moving in together into his house, renting mine out. He wanted me to put my antiques into the spare bedroom. Said that could be "my special place". He admitted after my shocked reaction that he hated antiques, and had his house decorated the way he wanted. I didn't move in, because it just didn't seem right. I found out later that he was that way about everything....his way or the highway. I've had one LTR who moved in with me. He really had nothing, but we acquired some nice things together. He took them all when he left, and left all his "junk" here. Said he would be back for it, never came. I gave it all away, finally.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 77 (view)

Did you think life would be like this at 50? Posted: 10/7/2007 8:26:39 PM
No. I thought I would be married with grandkids who came over for holidays. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be alone and having such a hard time.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 59 (view)

Dumbest thing said to you during a chat/date. Posted: 10/7/2007 8:13:43 PM
"Why don't you come over and sit on my face?" This was about 3 minutes into our first IM chat. Then there was the one who wrote me and said "You're not as good looking as most women I date, but I like what you wrote in your profile." I wrote him back and said "Everything in my profile is a lie. I'm stupid, mean, and sexually repressed. Oh, but this is true....I don't date IDIOTS!"

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 96 (view)

Fears In First Meetings Posted: 10/7/2007 8:07:08 PM
I always give people the option of me getting there first, and if they don't like what they see, to leave before they speak. I set it up so we meet someplace where they can do just that without me knowing. It's never happened, but I'm always afraid they'll look and leave.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 176 (view)

people should come with labels Posted: 10/7/2007 7:27:26 PM
"Fragile, handle with love"

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

I work odd hours...does that make me less dateable? Posted: 9/4/2007 9:47:13 AM
This is so strange, because I was just going to post this same subject! I too, work strange hours, and find it a definite drawback in dating. Most of the guys I meet work opposite hours to mine, or have indefinite days off, as I do. It makes it very hard to hook up. Then there are the M-F 8-5'ers, who only want to see you on weekends. I'm sorry, but I'm working my way into management, and I have to work weekends to do that. The guys who do work retail hours are more understanding, but only to a point. If a month goes by, and we can't get together, I find that there is less contact, and they eventually give up, as I do in some cases. For instance, I just took two people off of my chat friends, because I've been talking to them for months, and we've never been able to find a time when one or the other of us isn't working. It's like whipping a dead horse, and although they are both very nice men, I don't need anymore chat friends, so I just cut them loose to find someone they can work out a schedule with.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

I lost my Mojo! Posted: 9/4/2007 7:21:53 AM
Just want to add that the last time I had a LTR, the reason I kept him was because I actually WANTED to do all those things for him, without a thought about it. The reason I let him go was because I didn't want to anymore. When you meet the right person, he will inspire you to be a better person. If he's not doing that, he's just not the right one.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

I lost my Mojo! Posted: 9/4/2007 7:17:10 AM
Boy, can I ever relate to that! The first thing I think of when someone wants to date me is that I'll have to worry about someone else again. I think after you've been alone awhile, you become sort of selfish and complacent, and don't want to go back to having to put someone else's needs and wants first. That's what true love is, right? Putting someone else's needs before your own?

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Going from friend to more Posted: 9/4/2007 7:13:35 AM
Thanks for all the replies. You're right, of course, that I can't live my life in fear. I have decided to keep him as a friend only, simply because I'm not ready for a relationship right now. He wants to spend more time with me than I'm willing to give up at this point in my life, and then there's the sex thing. He talks about it a lot. I've already told him that I think all he wants is sex, but he says that's not true. He also says he doesn't know what he wants right now, so I think until he says he's made up his mind that what he wants is me, I'll just keep it as friends. He is a good guy, but I don't feel like he's ready to make any commitments, and neither am I. I'll still see him, and hang out with him, and maybe even have sex with him, but as far as carrying it emotionally to another level, from our conversations, I don't think either of us is really ready. He does want to spend more time with me, explore the possibilities, so there's nothing wrong with that. Yes, your lover should be your best friend, but right now, my actual best friend is a gay man, so I don't think that's gonna happen!

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 100 (view)

Have you ever waited for a love? Posted: 9/3/2007 9:18:02 PM
I did. He came back. He screwed me over again. I'll never give anyone a second chance again.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 94 (view)

how to say i love you without actually saying it Posted: 9/3/2007 9:15:29 PM
I had an SO once who always went out while I was sleeping and got me coffee and doughnuts on the weekends. He never ate anything in a restaurant that he didn't offer me a bite of. He always asked if I wanted anything when he got up to go to the kitchen. He always asked if I would like anything when he was going to the store. He kissed me goodbye every morning even if I was asleep. He kissed me goodnight every night, even if I was asleep. I thought all these things said he loved me....then he slept with my best friend.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Going from friend to more Posted: 9/3/2007 9:10:44 PM
I have made a very good friend who is not exactly what I would want in a mate, but he's very attentive, a truly good man, and very faithful as a friend. I think I could fall for him if I let myself. He's been trying to get me to go out with him, or come over to his house, and even though I know I could care for him, I'm hesitant. I'm afraid, I guess...of getting hurt again. Maybe I'm afraid of losing yet another friend by trying to make him a lover. I've been very honest to him about my feelings, and about my fears, but he persists. He's said and done things lately to show me he really does care about me, and would welcome a relationship, but there's that little nagging doubt. Do you think the doubt is my "little voice" or just fear? I've been through so many relationships I thought were perfect, only to be let down hard, and torn apart. I don't know if I want to try again.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 129 (view)

Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work? Posted: 9/3/2007 8:59:41 PM
I've been through that a couple of times. The first time, I ended up dating him for a year, and the chemistry grew. The second time, I was just not willing to give it a chance, I guess. I ended it pretty quickly.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

Are you really what you portray in your profile? Posted: 8/2/2007 7:22:13 PM
I'm exactly what I portray anywhere. I'm me. I stopped long ago trying to be anybody or anything else. Too exhausting! I hate when someone lies on their profile, or their pictures aren't what they look like at all. I hate dishonesty in all forms.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Honest to a fault or scumbag? Posted: 8/2/2007 7:17:33 PM
Just delete him. He'll get the message. People like that only think with one head, and it ain't the logical side of the brain!

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 208 (view)

Who's Your Baby's Daddy? Posted: 8/2/2007 7:12:40 PM
I dated one guy until I found out he had 6 kids by 5 different women, and only two by his wife , and two born while he was with his last wife. Sorry, but morals are important, and someone like that has none.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 218 (view)

What IS off limits in the bedroom for you?? Posted: 7/29/2007 7:45:23 PM
Anything that hurts or makes me want to throw up.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Profile help by others over 50 please? Posted: 7/29/2007 7:32:50 PM
Well, you're a beautiful woman. The only thing I can figure is that not a lot of men are into living on farms. Too much work! I know...farmed five acres for 6 years. They probably see your profile and say "Whoops! she's looking for a farmhand, 'cause she's getting old and can't handle it herself anymore." Just don't worry about it. The thing I love about your profile is how honest and down to earth you are. You'll find the perfect man for you with a profile like that. It just will take a little longer.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

Do many of you send scathing profile reviews? Posted: 7/29/2007 6:22:20 PM
O.K...I'm guilty...but not on here, at least not that I remember. I was on Craigslist, and a 50 year old guy posted a picture of himself shirtless. It was not a pretty site. Man-b00bs, pot belly, the whole 9 yards. Pale as a baby's bottom. I really wouldn't have done it, but he was asking for a "woman who takes care of herself" (what the heck does that mean, btw?) who was "HWP", and 10-15 years younger than he was. I could not resist. I wrote and told him that if he wanted replies, he needed to take off the picture, because nobody like the woman he described wanted to look at that. He wrote back, said he did not care what I thought, but when I looked, the ad was down. I felt bad afterwards, but COME ON!!!

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 70 (view)

What adds flavor to Chicken & Rice? Posted: 7/27/2007 8:57:30 PM
O.K., here's what I do. I've been making this chicken "bog" since I could boil water. First, boil the chicken. Don't remove the skin! Put a small can of orange juice concentrate in the water, along with a tablespoon of Nature's Seasons, a half teaspoon of salt, and a teaspoon of minced garlic. When the chicken is done, strain the liquid, use it too cook the rice. If you're worried about fat, sit it in the freezer until the fat rises to the top, then skim it off. Pick all the chicken off the bone, mix it with your now cooked rice, and enjoy!

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 129 (view)

She's too pretty for me Posted: 7/27/2007 8:35:50 PM
Look, I'm old....really old....old enough to be your mom, and I'm telling you from YEARS of experience...you ARE NOT UGLY! You have beautiful, soulful eyes, and very sexy lips. If I were your age, I could stare at those eyes all night long. I spent a long time looking at what was wrong with me, and not what was right. One night, I said something about my eyes, and the man I was seeing said "You have sexy eyes". I'd always thought they were too small, too deep set, and too close together. He also thought I had sexy feet, which was a bit strange, but I had also always hated my feet, so the point is...it's not what you think, it's what others think. We don't see the same person that others see when they look at us. Thank heaven!

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

betrayed Posted: 7/22/2007 2:28:19 PM
Been there, done that. Never again. Now I'm almost TOO cautious. The first sign of a user or player, and I'm gone before it starts. I realize that I may be judging some people wrongly, but it's the price I'll have to pay. It took me almost a year to get over the last one.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

R.I.P.......but then what? Posted: 7/21/2007 6:32:25 PM
Thanks for the info about your vet taking guardianship of your pets. I have a bird, and I know that the lady who runs the bird store where I shop would be happy to take them until I can come get them, or to find them good homes should the worst happen, if my kids don't want them, which they probably won't. My concern is that my kids are so far away, and may take a couple of days to get there, thus the neighbor with a key.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

R.I.P.......but then what? Posted: 7/21/2007 6:21:44 PM
I have an ICE (In case of emergency) list in my wallet. My sons have this list also. I have a neighbor I trust with a key, and if she's not available, my sons both have keys and can mail them to someone else. If something were to happen where they couldn't find the list, or it was destroyed, I don't know what would happen. I'll have to check with my local police, and see if they have a way you can file an ICE list with them, just in case.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Are you less "spur of the moment" than you were when you were younger? Posted: 7/21/2007 6:17:24 PM
I'm a planner. Always have been, but even at that, I was a lot more willing to do something "spur of the moment" than I am now. Wondering if anyone else feels the same? It seems now that I'm never prepared to just jump up and go, whereas it didn't much matter when I was in my 20's or even 30's. I guess after 40, I sort of started rejecting the "spur of the moment" invitations, prefering to have something planned in advance.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

Why do people say i'm just to busy no time right now for dating? Posted: 7/21/2007 6:12:13 PM
My life changes on a dime. I've had to break too many dates because of other obligations to be able to say I'm available for a steady relationship. Besides that, I have to ask three weeks in advance for a specific day off, so if you say "wanna go to a concert on Saturday?", and I can't find someone to switch days with, I can't go.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

So what does YOUR book state as the definition of dating Posted: 7/21/2007 5:57:49 PM
MY dictionary says I only date one person at a time to see what develops. I seem to have the only copy of that dictionary.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 289 (view)

It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !! Posted: 7/21/2007 5:39:41 PM
Even though I've been rejected or the victim of the infamous "no reply after you send a photo" many times, I still send a current photo. I've met people with no photos, way back when, and some were attractive, some weren't. Some were my type, some weren't. I could tell you my worst horror story, but I won't, as I met the guy through an online dating site, and he may be on here, who knows? I'm honest about my looks, my weight, my everything. It hasn't gotten me anywhere. Actually, I've had more luck with Craigslist than here.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 89 (view)

middle aged scaredy cats :0/ Posted: 7/21/2007 9:44:06 AM
Yep, rejection. I've learned to handle it with a smile, and try to establish at least a friendship, but I've been "dumped" so many times after first meets, that I'm ready to give up. I'm always totally honest, give current pics, whatever, but still, when we meet, we just don't click for some reason. Sometimes it's me, sometimes it's them that feels no spark, but I've broken a few "first meeting" dates because of fear, or because of red flags that may or may not have been there.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

young adult children Posted: 7/21/2007 9:37:24 AM
Yes, and then where they break up marriages and relationships. My sister has lost two husbands because she REFUSES to stop coddling her lazy, no good son (who is now 47 and still mooching off of mommy). She had two great husbands, and they both said "It's him or me", and well, you can see who she chose. Her current SO of 10 years will not let her son in his house, except briefly. Personally, I left a man who was so attached to his mother (at 45) that he would rather spend Sundays with her alone than with me, or even inviting me to spend it with them. He hid behind her skirts like a child, and she let him. My children are independent, but if they ever needed to come home, I'd be there, but like the OP, I wouldn't let it interfere with my relationship, if I ever get one! LOL

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 131 (view)

Drinking over 45 Posted: 7/21/2007 9:31:16 AM
I just click off of it. I grew up with alcoholics, and I married an alcoholic, and I've dated alcoholics, and I'm just not going there again. Even if they say they're a "social drinker", sometimes you'll get them out in public, and they get plastered. That's my last date with them. If someone can't stay sober for one evening, they have a problem, period. I drank a lot in my early 20's, and stopped drinking a lot in my early 20's. Now I don't drink at all if I'm driving, and I'm the Designated Driver most times when I go out. Two glasses of wine with dinner when I'm not driving is my limit, but I hardly ever get that, because if he drinks, I drive.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 68 (view)

What behaviors are you looking for on a date at this point? Posted: 7/21/2007 9:27:58 AM
Like one of Heidi Fleiss's girls said under oath, "I expect to go out with a gentleman and be treated like a lady." Best dating quote of the 20th century.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

Death do you talk about it? Posted: 7/21/2007 9:15:49 AM
I'm talking to someone now who had a child die two years ago. I don't know how I could deal with losing one of mine. My husband is deceased, many years, so I tell them that so they'll know there isn't an ex in the picture. As for talking about my own death, no, I tend to think that like the Bible says "If you claim it, you make it so", so I just don't think about it. I do have my funeral planned and paid for, but that's more just so my kids won't have to deal with that stuff when they are grieving.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Former Lover Shows Up Just when You are Wrming Up to Someone? Posted: 7/21/2007 9:13:22 AM
I've actually used that excuse. It gives them a reason not to contact you again. Haven't done it in awhile, but I had to do it twice to men who just wouldn't take no for an answer. Even then, one kept emailing me wanting to "keep in touch just in case" and I had to block him. I've never had it done to me online, but I have in real life, then found out he was lying. He actually had found another lady to date, not an ex, and wanted to get rid of me without hurting my feelings. Not a problem. I just told him he blew any chance of ever being my friend by lying to me, and I hoped that he didn't do the same to her.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Ladies what do ya think? Posted: 7/19/2007 8:50:38 PM
Personally, I'd love the adventure, but I'd have to give up everything I own to do it, and I don't know if I'm ready to do that. I guess I could get used to living a really simple lifestyle that's easily portable if I really loved the man.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

Would you double date with your son or daughter Posted: 7/19/2007 6:45:55 PM
It wasn't actually a "date", but I have gone out many times with my son and his girlfriend, sometimes with a date of my own. We had dinner, went to a play, concert, whatever. It was pleasant and we all enjoyed ourselves. I don't consider that sort of thing "double dating", rather enjoying time with people you like.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

NOT THE NORMAL STEPS IN A RELATIONSHIP Posted: 7/18/2007 7:48:52 PM
I'm looking for pretty much the same thing, but it's hard to find. One or the other usually changes their mind about what they want after awhile. For instance, one SO I had was very untrusting, and when I went out with my friends (female), he started following us around. Then he wanted to move in with me so he could know I was really coming home every night. It would be wonderful if this would work, but it usually doesn't.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

Are you afraid of millionaires? Posted: 7/17/2007 8:37:03 PM
I've dated two very rich men. They were both totally self-absorbed and obsessed with money, making money, making more money, and making even more money. Not saying all rich guys are like that, but these two were. I wouldn't date another one, unless he was retired, and SPENDING his money, instead of making it. I don't want another workaholic.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Mirror Image vs Photograph Posted: 7/14/2007 6:49:50 AM
I've always heard the opposite...that a picture tells the true story, because there is no such thing as a perfect piece of glass, and a mirror mildly distorts your image. Plus, your image in a mirror is backwards...a mirror image. I hate that, because I think I look pretty good in my mirror, but my camera tells the true story!

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Spiders... Help! Posted: 7/14/2007 6:47:45 AM
I don't know what kind of flooring you have, but in a basement, the usual point of entry is a crack in the foundation, usually along the wall lines, so you can caulk all along the outer walls where they join the floor with that foam stuff that expands into cracks. I had to do that around my windows to keep ants out once. Also, put some boric acid - totally non toxic - around all the floorboards. Bug like to stay low, and they will walk through the boric acid and carry it back to their nest, which will kill the others there. I find boric acid is the best solution with crawling insects. For spiders, get something with Pyrethrin in it. I don't know if you have Raid in Canada, but if you do, get the one that has Pyrethrin. It's made from marigolds, kills quickly, is long lasting, and is non-toxic.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

Do women cook anymore? Posted: 7/14/2007 6:39:13 AM
I do. I love to cook for my man, but I think it's only fair that he help clean up afterwards. If not, I'm not busting my ass in the kitchen for him. I've always loved cooking and baking.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

When innocent flirting goes too far Posted: 7/13/2007 11:01:05 AM
Finish what I start? I'll be glad to do that if we meet, are compatible, and the relationship progresses to that point. Aaron...good advice. You're so right. Until we meet in person, it's a moot point.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

When innocent flirting goes too far Posted: 7/13/2007 10:23:06 AM
We'll see how it goes. I'm not going to believe the worst about him until he shows it to me. If he doesn't want more than sex, then oh well...won't be the first time! I truly don't think he's like that, though. Our first talks way back were all about things we wanted in a relationship, and in life. That's one reason I contacted him again, because I liked him. This is totally my fault, and I'll take all the blame. He hasn't been crude, really. It's pretty much been suggestive stuff, nothing blatant or expressively pornographic. And he hasn't sent me a penis pic, so that's something!

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

When innocent flirting goes too far Posted: 7/13/2007 8:38:12 AM
Well, it doesn't help that he's really hot and gets me turned on just looking at his picture!

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

When innocent flirting goes too far Posted: 7/13/2007 8:32:31 AM
I'll definitely give it a cooling off break for a couple of days, over the weekend, probably. I'll email him before I talk to him again, and make sure we're on the same wavelength. Of course, there is always the possibility he will lie, but I can always tell about that once we are face to face.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 186 (view)

THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO DO/Port Charlotte,Punta Gorda and Surrounding Area Posted: 7/13/2007 8:25:12 AM
Unfortunately, I'm working on the 15th, or I'd definitely go. I don't have weekends off right now, but I'm trying hard to find a job that affords me that luxury!

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Do you think this is creepy? Posted: 7/13/2007 8:15:48 AM
Look at it like this, if you met a man in public, and he gave you his phone number, would you be offended? I'd think it strange if a man walked up to me in public and said "here's my IM, message me sometime". I have no problem talking to people on the phone, as I would do that if I met them in person, and you really can't be any surer of them there than here. I just make sure when I call that I have the caller i.d. blocked so that they can't have my number until I want them to.

talksalot02

Joined: 6/7/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

When innocent flirting goes too far Posted: 7/13/2007 8:05:03 AM
O.K., I'd like some guys opinions here, but ladies are welcome to comment too. Is there a way back out of it when you start flirting back and forth online, and it goes a little too far? I've known this guy online awhile, and we got back in touch recently. Started out normally, small talk, but now it's gotten a little sexual, and I'm thinking I should have put a stop to it before now. I've made it clear that I do want more than sex, and he's agreed that he does too, but every time we talk now, no matter how hard I try, he brings it back around to sex. I'm thinking about not talking to him for a few days, and telling him I thought we should let things cool down a little. I even wrote him a long email that was totally non-sexual, explaining exactly what I really want out of the relationship, and he answered by telling me he wished I was there right then. I mean, we haven't even had our first date, even though it is set for a certain date, and I know he fully intends to make it a real date, not a booty call, and the possibility that he will not even want me after we meet is always there. Anyway, how do you suggest that I turn this around, or is it even possible? Once a guy gets sex on his mind, is it possible to switch it off, or is it just what he will think of you forever? I hope I haven't screwed this up, because he's a really nice guy, and we have a lot in common. I think we could actually have something, if I haven't blown it.

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