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friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 76 (view)

People, why against the rocking chair on the porch? Posted: 11/20/2009 8:10:28 PM
To me, sitting in a rocking chair on the porch with the one I love and enjoying our elder years is what I would like to find in a relationshipl. There was this commercial about this old couple walking through the park holding hands and they may have been an old wrinkled couple to others but they were beautiful to each other. I love just taking rides and stopping to take pictures of a beautiful tree or a field of flowers or the autumn colors or snow covered trees......... Beginning each morning and ending each evening with a kiss and a hug....... And I don't see it as an old person thing. I can remember after supper as a kid, my family would go outside and the kids would play and the adults would sit in the chairs talking. Those were wonderful times of just talking and joking and playing around.

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 193 (view)

Did you think life would be like this at 50? Posted: 11/20/2009 8:00:04 PM
My life is nothing like I thought it would be in my 50's. I always planned to have a houseful of grandchildren visiting and BBQ's with the family on weekends. I expected to be touring the US with my husband now that we were free.

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 129 (view)

The most important virtue over 60...for women and men. Posted: 11/16/2009 6:47:39 PM
"Beautiful young persons are accidents of nature. But beautiful old persons are works of art..." Elenor Roosevelt" That says it all as far as I'm concerned. There's a depth of character that has taken work, experience, creativity........... That's why it's so much more important to love the person instead of still pursuing just physical beauty. As we get to know someone, they become beautiful to us even when we are old!

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 60 (view)

Why are we in such a hurry? Posted: 11/16/2009 4:34:51 PM
I'm just totally baffled at why some people are in such a hurry. I think it's basically that some people are only looking for love and don't want to have to take the time to build a friendship where you get to know someone and then find yourself falling in love with them. How can you love someone before you even know them? That's not love to me. I've been in love twice. Once I was actually dating another guy and I was friends with guy number two but found myself wishing I was with number two instead of the guy I was dating..........Through friendship, I actually felt closer and more in love with the second guy! The other time, he fell in love with me on the first date..........it took me about six weeks to get to know him.............Is that terribly wrong? Six weeks doesn't seem like a long time to me but heck, a lot of people on these boards seem to give it five minutes and if there's no instant chemistry, they're gone. I used to think six weeks was quick!

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 90 (view)

What ever happened to Love Posted: 10/30/2009 7:51:26 PM
Scott, I'm sure they weren't arguing or they wouldn't be holding hands. Heck, I was in the store today and I had some candy in my hand and this guy asked where it was and I showed him and he said, "Well, I need to let Sexy know that I found it. She's been looking for it!" And he showed up a minute later with this lady who to me looked old but he was genuine.......he really saw her as sexy! When you love someone, they are beautiful to you no matter what age they are! I think what's happened to love is that too many people confuse it with only sex. When there's love, the affection comes naturally.......You can't keep from holding hands or kissing your lover on the neck......even when you are old and wrinkled and gray!

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 185 (view)

What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship. Posted: 10/29/2009 3:11:23 PM
I can relate to what they said about missing the dance! Nothing in life is guaranteed. We all take a risk when we love someone. I always loved the quote by Kahlil Gibran about how your joy is your sorrow unmasked. The same thing that brought you joy is the same thing that can fill your heart with sorrow..........if you want the joy, you have to be willing to face the risk of sorrow, too........otherwise you are just empty..... His exact words were far more poetic but that's the general gist of what he said. I've lost a son, my parents and my boyfriend to death.........lots of tears but lots of beautiful precious memories, too! Sure, I would have wanted it to turn out different but I wouldn't have missed one minute of the joy with any of the ones I've lost. It's what makes life matter.......

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 194 (view)

Health issues and finding a partner at our age Posted: 10/29/2009 2:52:26 PM
At the age of 36, I fell from the rafters of a garage to a concrete floor. By the age of 42, I found myself forced into disability. I had worked for 25 years! The hardest thing wasn't the disability...........it was how being disabled changed how others saw me and robbed me of the positive feelings I had about myself as a productive "normal" person. It took some time for me to regain my feelings of self worth and to feel good about myself again. Now, at 60, almost everyone my age has something wrong with them. It may be arthritus or a bad knee or heart bypasses or diabetes............the aches and pains as we grow older are something we all share.......... I was lucky to find someone who didn't mind the minor inconveniences at times of my disability. Thank goodness, I never needed anyone to take care of me but I can't do things like play 3 sets of tennis or go skydiving or even do 9 holes of golf. However, that man died six years ago and it has been hard to find someone else since then. I would think that as I got older, it would be easier since men my age would have some physical problems limiting them, too, but so far, it hasn't worked out that way! For example, one guy insisted on meeting me even though he stated that he loved kayaking. Well, as we talked, he was all bruised up and he told me that the kayak had overturned and he had to pull himself up on a dock and had gotten banged up and I smiled...........I asked him how many times had he been kayaking........and it turned out that was his first time! I knew that because I used to kayak......it had to be his first time if he didn' t know how to right himself without getting that banged up...... But most of the men my age who contact me now seem to be saying that they are into all these physical things that 20 and 30 year olds do even if they haven't really done them that much.....Is it a macho thing? I don't know. They have wanted to do those things all their lives and never did them when they were young and so now, at retirement, they are trying to do them? I don't know. I just know that I need to find a guy who isn't afraid to groan and say his arthritus is kicking up when we get up in the morning!

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 85 (view)

What ever happened to Love Posted: 10/29/2009 2:23:02 PM
I think one of the problems with finding love is that a lot of people on dating sites don't really want to find love. They just want to have someone to do things with. Or they want someone they will fall in love with in the first ten minutes of meeting. Love is like a flower. It blooms from a small little seed over time into a lovely flower. Some flowers like wild flowers don't require a lot of work.......Others like orchids may need a lot of special considerations to grow. Some are low maintenance and some are high maintenance but they all require certain things like light, water, and time for the seed to grow. To me, unconditional love is when you can picture the person having a stroke in a wheelchair and you would still want to be with them. It doesn't happen in the first ten minutes or even the first ten dates. It's love that starts out as a small seed in your heart and then, over time, grows and wraps itself around your heart until you suddenly realize that there is a real bond there. Because that's what love is.......a bond between two hearts. As you get to know someone, that bond just quietly grows.............until one day you realize that you would love that person through bad times and good times....... But there's another part of it, too. We have to choose to want love in our lives. And it's not always sunshine and roses...........especially as we get older, we get sick or we change lifestyles from working to retiring......... There are women out there who will take advantage of men and men out there who will take advantage of women.........none of that is love. If someone says they love someone because they are impressed with his white Corvette or a man says they love someone because she is sexually attractive........that may tell you what the other person values about you but are they really loving you? My friends got married last year. They are both in their mid 70's. They hold hands. He slips his hand around her waste and he looks at her as if she is the most beautiful thing that he has ever seen........to him, she's not a gray haired old lady........They go dancing once a week......... And I know at least two or three other couples like that. They are having the time of their life because they have found love again. Love is still around..............I've seen it........Maybe someday I can find it again!

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Lovers with benefits. Posted: 10/16/2009 3:57:10 PM
What a cute title for this subject! I couldn't resist posting to it. For me, when the benefits are there, the lover part comes naturally. What are the benefits? Being able to laugh together is very important. Laughter can get you through the bad times a lot easier. Having someone you can trust and be yourself with and be accepted just as you are. Being able to work out compromises instead of arguing about right or wrong. Sharing ........... all kinds of things. Pulling into the drive way and smiling when you see that your partner is home and you can't wait to give him a hug and kiss and tell him about your day and have him tell you about his day. Deciding what to do that evening............just being able to share normal daily life with someone and really enjoy it. It can be something as simple as taping NCIS and watching it together on a rainy Saturday afternoon or taking a vacation together to the Smokies............ The benefits are that you know someone really really likes you and that you really really like them...........someone told me that once..........

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 232 (view)

Liberal vs conservative Posted: 10/16/2009 3:49:30 PM
Let's see..........when I was young, I was a conservative liberal. Now I'm old and I'm a liberal conservative.

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 94 (view)

Of Fakes and Flakes... Posted: 10/16/2009 3:31:16 PM
I met Wayne online back in the 90's when this all started but it took a lot of meeting guys who didn't work out before he came along. My attitude in this is I'm living my life, I have friends, I would like to meet someone (Wayne passed away) and I hope that someone comes along but I don't have a time line on it. It may happen tomorrow. It may never happen. In the meantime, I make friends. I still email with a couple of the guys I met on here............and in fact, I still email with some of the guys who didn't work out back in the 90's before Wayne came along........ And I've made female friends on this board, too........

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

when the heart isnt enough........ Posted: 7/28/2009 5:33:38 PM
Whenever someone talks of love, I think of some phrases that Gibran wrote in The Prophet. "Love one another but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls." Anyone who has been in love knows that it is a moving flowing thing. There are down moments where you have to make a choice to keep loving and then there are up moments where you are just swept up in a wave of love. I asked the man I loved most in my life (so far!) when he realized that he was in love with me and I was shocked by the times that he was swept away in a wave of love. One time was when we were playing shuffleboard with a group of friends and I had just beat him and I was laughing and grinning ear to ear ............. the other time was when I walked into the living room on a cold winter night in a flannel nightgown........???? But when I thought about it, he was totally right. Love occurs in those moments. For me, it was watching him play with the kids or when we were at the football game and Cornell beat Yale and he was so happy........... Those are the moments of the heart that make love grow strong and develop deep roots.

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 95 (view)

How important is a sense of humor anyway? Posted: 7/5/2009 6:24:09 AM
To me, a sense of humor is very important but there's a difference between someone who is irresponsible and just wants to joke around and be funny versus someone who is responsible and dependable but can still come up with something funny to say in a depressing situation that helps to keep spirits up. For example, as my family was gathered outside my father's hospital room, trying to fathom that he was dying, someone commented that my grandmother was so much older...........we thought she would have gone first not my father.........and my husband piped up with, "She will live forever because the Devil and God are fighting over who is getting stuck with her..............Not me.....You take her.....OH, no....You take her." Well, we cracked up...........You would have to know my grandmother to really appreciate it but the ability to inject a little humor in a sad situation and still remain adult and responsible is what I consider having a sense of humor. He wasn't going around telling jokes all the time or always being funny but both of us could find the humor in some situations even in bad times.

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Attitude is Everything? Posted: 7/5/2009 6:16:06 AM
Attitude is everything is like anything that tries to claim that it is 100 %. There are always situations where attitude is meaningless. Yes, it matters. I have a friend who has spina bifida and is in a wheel chair. His life is getting worse because of numerous operations building up scar tissue which are now causing seizures, etc.......... Yet he never talks about himself or his problems unless you directly ask him something. He wants to participate as normally as possible in whatever life he has............ In contrast, I have another friend who had cancer five years ago, survived and it's all she ever talks about. She still acts like she is sick and could die tomorrow even though she has had four years of health now........with no cancer........ This is my take on attitude. As a child, I loved music and I wanted to be a musician. I practiced every day. I loved what I did. I would get up early in the morning and go off in the woods to practice my oboe so I wouldn't wake people up. But at about 14, I finally had to realize that as much as I loved it, I didn't have talent. All human beings do have limits. And some are born with special talents and attitude alone can't overcome all limits. Sometimes the ability to accept that you need more then just attitude can help you to give up a dream that isn't possible in order to find another path that will be successful..........

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 43 (view)

Death and the age of 50.... Posted: 7/5/2009 5:59:01 AM
I've lost several people in my life to early deaths from a baby, to a toddler, to a teenager, to my best friend in her 30's..............family, spouse............In fact, I basically lost almost everyone in my family almost 22 years ago now. One of the things that I learned from all of that is that what really frightens people about unexpected losses and deaths is that usually there has not been any power to control or stop the death/loss. It reminds us of how truly powerless we are. We can go on and on about how we can control the length and quality of our lives if we exercise and eat right and do this and do that................but the reality is that there are a lot of situations where people die young and it has nothing to do with them doing anything WRONG.......... For every Michael Jackson who has died with questions of drug abuse, there are people like Liam's wife who died in a ski accident, Swayze with pancreatic cancer, Landon with pancreatic cancer, the young kid from Poltergeist who died..........people who have done nothing "wrong" to cause their deaths........... The 50's basically is a kind of "weeding out" time. People develop cancers and are cured or have heart attacks and have bypasses.............and people go through illnesses that would have killed them 25 years ago but now we have medical treatments that get them through that period and they live another 10 to 20 to 30 years beyond that. And then there are others like Tim Russert who pass away and don't get a chance for bypasses and things like that............. None of us can know how many more days we have left to enjoy the world and loved ones around us.............that's why it's so important to enjoy each day as it comes and to have compassion for those whose lives are cut short instead of finding fault and blaming them for their own deaths........so we can feel that we can avoid that happening to us if we do the "right" things........JMO

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

How to talk to a widower Posted: 6/1/2009 9:03:52 PM
Wow! Some real good posts on this subject. Russ, that was beautfiul. I especially loved the part where he said don't say to call if I need anything because I have no idea what I need. The hardest death to get over in my experience is for the sudden unexpected death of anyone under 60. Who the heck thinks you are going to be there one minute and gone the next? My best friend since childhood laid down to take a nap on a Sunday afternoon. She never wokeup.....She was 35. We can't prepare or get ourselves ready for it. It's terrifying to think that life could end that quickly in people so young. It's like a 300 pound elephant just drops out of the sky and smashes the person we love to death and our lives to pieces. Where did that elephant come from? How do we even being to put the pieces of our life back together again.

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 64 (view)

boomers and gender role resentments. Posted: 5/30/2009 3:18:31 PM
I'm always amused by the dynamics between the psychology of a person and the socialogical factors around them. Our society's expectations of men and women's roles have changed but there will always be individuals who either fit or don't fit within society's expectations to varying degrees. However, I am alarmed by the changes that I see in the 30 to 40 years since the boomers have defined things. 60 % of black births are to single mothers? And the white rate isn't far behind that? Children in grade school being given birth control? Divorce is rampant. And there seems to be a new chronological order of things. My girlfriend's daughter bought a house with her boyfriend first (investment was safe), then they had a child, and a few years later they married? I could sit here and list off a lot of resentments but I've found that doesn't help me in relatonships. Instead I prefer to be honest with myself about what makes me feel happy and in love and hope that someone out there can fit with me and I can fit with him.

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

boomers and gender role resentments. Posted: 5/28/2009 9:38:10 PM
often think that our age group are the transitioning generation to the post women`s lib movement, and are really having problems with it. Many of us were raised in families where gender roles and responsibilities were much more defined. Then, as we became young adults, we entered a world with a new set of rules, or in some cases no rules, or rules being made up as we went along. This made for a whole lot of confusion, distrust and resentment I think the confusion that is caused by having so many choices and so few rules today is something that makes it harder for men and women to connect today. I know when I turned 18 and all the rules had changed, I was baffled. Having grown up in poverty, I was thrilled that my generation of women could get jobs and make enough money to support themselves and marry for love instead of financial necessity. I worked for over 25 years and I was very fortunate to have a husband who did do dishes and things with the kids even though he worked 60 hours a week. But I have to admit that something in me wasn't happy. When that marriage ended, I met Wayne. Wayne wouldn't wash a dish if his life had depended on it. He didn't cook or do laundry and he sure didn't clean anything that didn' t have four wheels and a motor. He was old fashioned. He believed his part was to support us and take care of the "man" chores like if the cars broke down or something heavy had to be done and the house was mine. Amazingly I found myself feeling a lot happier in those old fashioned roles. Wayne paid for a maid to come in once every three weeks ...... he didn't want me to be a slave who waited on him.........but he treated me with a love and a respect that I had never been treated with before and I thrived in it. Even today, although I am fully capable of being independant and living on my own, I feel that there is an inborn desire in both sexes to take care of each other in different ways. If I have a flat tire, ten men will jump out of their cars to help me. If a man's wife dies, all the other wives will drop off ten casseroles for him for the next year. And I think we get a sense of pride and purpose out of responding to each other's needs. When we truly realize that, we can let go of the resentment and start focusing on what we enjoy doing for our partners. What makes us feel good when we do things for them. JMO

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 74 (view)

Made my heart skip a beat Posted: 5/28/2009 9:10:33 PM
I definately miss those little moments of cuddling and touching and holding hands. One of the things I miss most now that I'm alone is that I used to love to do a tip of the toes to top of the head body cuddle every night before we went to bed. Holding hands, having him kiss me hello and goodbye................ I am grateful that I had that......but I also know that it's possible to find that with someone else, too. There are a lot of people out there, just normal average people who feel that void and want that in their lives, too......I believe that most of us want that so we just have to stay open to it. As for settling for less..........I think it depends on what you define as less. I knew a man in his 80's who met a woman in her mid 70's. He was very sick but that didn't stop them from falling in love. Did she settle for less? Or did she fully enjoy the five years they had left after they fell in love? In spite of her age, she was intelligent and stunning and could have found a man who was in better shape but they fell in love, for better and worse and it was wonderful to watch them and to know that love really was possible even as we age like that. JMO

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 67 (view)

4 dates and they all used someone elses pictures Posted: 5/11/2009 12:37:41 PM
...Maybe what we need to do is hold up a copy of the daily newspaper with the current date that way at least ya know the pictures aren't outdated Loved that! Wouldn't that be hysterical? And yes, the reason I say that I would wear the outfit in the picture was usually to reassure them that I am the same size........It seems a lot of guys always tried to tell me that women had posted a "couple of extra pounds" and it was more like 100. So I would let them know that I meant a couple of extra not a lot...........

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

to women what's the difference dating and long term Posted: 5/11/2009 12:29:27 PM
OP, to go back to the original question I think..........I have long term and it means that if I date someone and we happen to fall in love, I do want it to end in a long term committment. There are people out there who just want to date for the rest of their lives even if they fall in love with someone..........No right or wrong. Just trying to let guys know that I wouldn't want to date for the next 5 years.

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

do you remember being loved? Posted: 5/9/2009 6:19:52 PM
Loving is much easier to recall because it's an intense, personal, emotional experience -- not something one is informed of. The happiness of being with one with whom love is shared is also easy to recall but is distinct from remembering being loved. I don't remember being loved as much as I remember my loving someone else. It amazed me that I could love someone so much ............. even with differences or problems.............when that love was in my heart.........it was just truly amazing.....

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 269 (view)

Why Are Over 45 Men In Love With Motorcycles? Posted: 5/9/2009 6:10:58 PM
Just reading the posts and thinking to myself, "Gee, does it mean something that neither one of the two men that I've been in love with even liked motorcycles? I was the one who wanted to jump on a little Honda and scout around.........they hated motorcyles.........hmmm............are there any guys who don't like them? I've known two!

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 43 (view)

4 dates and they all used someone elses pictures Posted: 5/9/2009 5:57:20 PM
I have the same outfit that I am wearing in my pictures and have often joked that I would wear that outfit when we met so they would know that I was being honest and genuine but on the other hand, I also get sick and tired of people who are unrealistic in their expectations of their "dates" and who they meet. We are middle aged. We are all going to have flaws. Maybe if our expectations would be more realistic, more men and women wouldn't try to post false pictures just to get SOME response..........Just a thought..........

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 43 (view)

30 is the new 14. Posted: 5/9/2009 5:53:05 PM
I enjoyed reading these posts. One of my friend's son just came back from Afghanistan. He's terrific. On the other hand, his sister is the pits.......two kids and still trying to live off of Mom and Dad and now she's in her second marriage and pregnant again. On the other hand, my neighbor has a 23 year old grandson who lives with them and does nothing.........plays video games, rents DVDs......he's not bad. Just would rather be dependant then independant........ I tried to look at real examples around me when I wrote this because it's so easy to get into generalizations. Attitudes definately are different today. Ghouls, skulls, nothing can be gory or bizarre enough............just take a look at the typical TV lineup today versus the typical TV lineup 20 or 30 or 40 years ago. And I feel sorry for the teenagers today.......it's like society acts like something is wrong with them if they don't say yes to sex by the time they are juniors in high school. But honestly, some of the young men that I've met have more morals and manners then some of the men my age that I date! They don't expect women to be twiggy's, they are far more grounded in really caring about the woman they date........and to me, that's hopeful because I think our generation screwed relationships up. JMO

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Why must things move so fast? Posted: 5/9/2009 5:32:15 PM
I prefer to email 2 or 3 times and then I don't mind switching to talking on the phone. Most men find it very difficult to type or put their true words or personalities down on paper and I find out much more about them a lot quicker if we talk a few times on the phone. But if a guy can't be patient enough to talk on the phone for awhile before meeting, it's usually turned out that he wasn't worth meeting. I've given in a few times and always found out that it wasn't worth it.......... Relationships take time and patience and if someone is in a real rush, he's usually not really looking for a relationship.......just a hookup........JMO

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 58 (view)

Libido after 50 Posted: 4/24/2009 4:31:23 PM
I've had a healthy libido all my life and expect to have it until the day I die.......but only in a monogamous relationship..............

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 143 (view)

Have all the really older guys given up? Posted: 4/24/2009 4:28:10 PM
Kivastar, I agree with most of what you say. A lot of people put up barricades like having to like the same music or having to like the same this or that........ Hopefully as I've aged, I've become more tolerant of differences and more willing to be open to the enjoyment of many things. I know that when I was in love, I loved seeing him happy when he came home from doing something even if it wasn't something I considered fun. And I know there were times when he would go with me somewhere and enjoy it just because he loved seeing how happy I was doing something I enjoyed. At the risk of being too frank on the idea of older guys giving up.....I just had a very depressing conversation with an older man who can no longer have sex. He has no idea how to have a relationship beyond that. He's choosing to become a voyeur who just watches at nude beaches or at porn films or in fantasies of the past instead of truly having a relationship again with a woman......... I was very fortunate that I was with a man who, once sex became not possible, could still have fun and enjoy and share life but over and over as I've met men from the internet, many of them seem to have no idea how to enjoy daily life with a partner ......... maybe it's because their marriages weren't loving or things like that but as we get older, that's the time when sharing daily life with a partner becomes even more treasured.........JMO

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

Does dating in our age group seem like Posted: 4/2/2009 7:48:58 PM
I thought dating in high school was so much simpler and easier and uncomplicated then dating is now. We knew each other consistently for years, attractions and attachments grew over shared football games, parties, dances, and just fun times in the cafeteria. There were heavy makeout sessions but everyone knew how far to go or not go.........and when you broke up, you still saw each other every day in the same classes so you tended to be decent to each other.........no one expected love in the first five minutes of meeting someone!

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 74 (view)

Do successful men want higher maintenance women? Posted: 4/2/2009 7:39:04 PM
Thanks for being a peacemaker, Moonie.......... You're a sweetie like that! Years ago, I was introducing my daughter to a man who I thought I was going to marry and when we got home, she said he was a nice guy but I would never marry him because he was high maintenance and I was low maintenance. I had no idea what she was talking about but the way she explained it to me was that high maintenance people want a lot of one on one attention all the time and expect lots of lovey dovey behavior all the time...............low maintenance people enjoy a lot of different things in the world so their world doesn't center around one person they love. They are much more low key in their romantic behavior........more laughs then long gazes into each other's eyes for 1/2 an hour............that kind of thing...... It didn't have to do with dressing up or down............it had to do with attention needs. Low maintenance people tend to be so interested in lots of things that they don't need a lot of attention.........High maintenance people tend to want all their needs met by one love...........that kind of thing.........

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 79 (view)

How long would you wait to have sex? Posted: 3/26/2009 1:33:31 PM
These topics are always so funny. There is no right or wrong. I think everyone just has to do what feels comfortable for them. Some people are only looking for good sex and so they don't want to wait........if the sex is good THEN they will see if there is a possibility of a relationship there. Some people are so wary of being used that they set rigid rules and hoops because that weeds out the insincere ones. I personally have to feel some degree of caring, trust, mutual respect, and sincerity before I just jump into bed with someone. I've always been that way..... When I have those feelings for someone, it just comes naturally.........

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 104 (view)

Are real naked women just bad porn? Posted: 3/6/2009 4:28:41 PM
I think that's part of the problem. What started out as just nude pictures has had to constantly get more and more depraved to keep interest up...... Heck, you can see this even on TV. We used to have things like Twilight Zone and Starsky and Hutch and now they have gotten more bizarre like CSI.......they have to keep coming up with more grotesque scenes and this is on TV!!!

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 77 (view)

Are real naked women just bad porn? Posted: 3/5/2009 6:51:25 PM
OP, I think most men would choose a flawed real woman over a gorgeous woman in a porn........but I do think that the current level of "perfect" women out there does lead to unrealistic expectations in men a lot. However, what I thought of when I read some of the posts in this thread was my own reaction to porn as a child. My father had a poster of Marilyn Monroe with that skirt flying up in the air and my mother would only let him hang it in his garage. My reaction as a child was curiosity because I wanted to know what my father liked ...... Later I would find more porn hidden in old drawers in the garage or under his mattress and again, my curiosity as a child was that somehow a woman's naked body was very important to my father for some reason. I was puzzled that he would be attracted to these strange naked women and still supposedly love my mother? It was confusing to a young kid who naturally wants to be what Daddy likes............ Did he really like nice women like my mother or these naked ladies? Later, of course, it made more sense to me but I don't think our society realizes how our sons try to learn what women like from Mom and what men like from Dad. Or how confusing it can be to a child. With the bombardment of porn and sex in TV and the internet and magazines today, I think it's made it harder for all people to remember that love matters in all of that, too. Just listen to Dean Martin singing, "Baby, It's Cold Outside" ....... It made me remember how wonderful it is to have that build up.........not sex on the first or second or third date but that build up............the tension that builds and builds as you let yourself feel the desire without having to be instantly engaged in sex. And when it does happen, it means something......... Idealistic? Maybe but those are the moments when I've most enjoyed sex and loved the men I had sex with.......... JMO

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 90 (view)

Turned 50 and it's different (shallow thread) Posted: 3/4/2009 6:01:53 PM
Turning 50 was no big deal but I'm a little in shock that on my next birthday, I will hit 60! To me, the 50's were young........my parents both did a lot of traveling and enjoying life in their 50's so I never thought of it as being THAT old....but for me to be heading towards 60? Wow! That's the one that is going to blow me away!

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

How pets came into our lives Posted: 2/28/2009 10:29:57 PM
When I was twelve, my parents finally agreed to let me have a dog. My Dad took me to the local animal shelter and, of course, I was instantly attracted to the cute little furry puppies in a cage in the front but my Dad came up to me and said, "I've found your dog." and made me go with him. There was a cage with several dogs in it and one of them was way in a dark corner. His body seemed to be hugging the cold concrete wall in fear of us. My Dad pointed to him and said, "That's the one. That's the dog that NEEDS you to love him! He's been abused." As we drove home, I wasn't so sure. He was a toy collie but he just kept shaking and looking down at the floor boards of the car and he didn't seem like all those happy puppies I had really wanted. But as soon as we got home and let him out in our yard, he suddenly started to run all over the place and seemed so happy and I understood what my Dad meant about that was the dog that needed us to love him. We had him for ten years. He was the most loyal, loving dog. He attacked a rattlesnake one day to protect me in our yard. He would run after my bike and wouldn't leave my side if I was sick. I was sick for about two weeks one time and the neighbor called to ask if my dog was sick ! He hadn't been coming around to visit her like he usually did after I went to school. That's when we found out that all our neighbors loved him, too! My Dad taught me a lesson I will never forget that day. To pick an animal that needed me to love him!!!

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

Men over sixty - seem to like women in their own age bracket. Posted: 2/28/2009 9:37:17 PM
OP, it does seem to me that men under 60 prefer much younger looking women but somewhere between 60 and 65, they seem to rediscover women their own ages again..........and fall in love again instead of just wanting partners who will jump into bed by the third date. JMO

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 52 (view)

Do any of you in your 40s ever feel like a fish out of water in the dating scene? Posted: 2/28/2009 9:24:04 PM
I definately feel like a fish out of water in the dating scene. I was perfectly comfortable in the years that Wayne and I were together. When he passed away, I didn't have any trouble living alone because I had lived alone and been self supporting for years before I had been in that relationship but I'm just much more happy and comfortable in a marriage type relationship. I like coming home to someone and having them come home to me. I love building a home together. I enjoyed planning vacations together and figuring out what we would do on a weekend...... Planning a garden together, deciding where we wanted to go or do........ Most of my friends are married..........and I fit in much better with them then I do the "singles" out there. Many of the single women I know want to be single. They enjoy it. I don't. I pretty much have felt that I'm free and independant even in a relationship......I don't feel it's confining........I'm happier in a relationship.

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

50 and retired Posted: 2/28/2009 9:05:02 PM
I was surprised by the number of negative comments that were made about people who are disabled and put themselves down as retired. I have to be honest. After working fulltime and sometimes 2 jobs for over 25 years, I suddenly became disabled due to a fall. To cheer me up, many people encouraged me to think of it as an early retirement. I've worked part time for over seven years and just stopped working this week and, although people know that I am disabled, they still kidded me about taking an early retirement. Even my church bible study leader announced to our bible class that I was retiring.........again......... I've been disabled now for over 15 years but I don't let my disability be what defines me. When I finally was able to find an employer who would hire me, I worked for the last seven years. No one who knows me would think that I was someone who was lazy or looking for someone to take care of me. It's sad that people would see disabled people that way if they think of themselves as retired. OP, as for how people do it? Well, I had to do it...........and I certainly never thought it would happen to me! I had always worked and couldn't imagine not working. But suddenly I was forced to adjust to a much lower income then I was used to. And I've gotten to be very good at it........ I know the difference between a want and a need. I've scaled down my expectations but many of my friends are very upper middle class or rich and they still accept me. I can be accepted without having all the material things that they have......... So in a way, it's been a blessing. I've learned to focus on the positives..........what I have ........ not what I wish I had or what others have. I can still have fun with my friends and not have to spend a lot of money doing it. I focus more on people now then material things and I've found that to be a very positive uplifting way to live. Money isn't everything! And lots of people have to live on less then I do........... My ex makes 5 or 6 times what I make and yet he is always saying that he CAN'T retire.........

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 120 (view)

Growing old gracefully or just growing old? Posted: 2/21/2009 8:00:03 PM
Men grow old gracefully but women just grow old LMAO.......men do not grow old gracefully. They go into a state of denial. Seriously, I think age is more threatening to men then it is to women. Men pride themselves on their strength, power, things like that and aging is a process that requires an acceptance of vulnerabilities..........even little changes like needing reading glasses or having arthritus........ and when the big problems come? It's more frightening to them I think. Recently two of my friends' husbands have had to face a serious physical problem and it's almost as if they learned to love and appreciate their wives more! Like they are just beginning to realize that they need someone to be there for them, too..........as they get old.......and are glad they have someone!

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 128 (view)

Is there a REASON to marry after 45? Posted: 2/21/2009 7:23:29 PM
For me, there is a very practical reason to marry after 45 because of the experience that I had when Wayne got sick and was in the hospital for 3 months and then passed away. He had convinced me that giving me Power of Attorney and making out a will would be sufficient in the event that one of us got sick. Well, to the hospital, to the doctors, even to the lawyers, those papers didn't help much. Every time a new doctor would come in on the case, I would have to show him the papers in order to have access to his medical information. Every time he got transferred to a new intensive care or facility, I had to spend all this time proving that I had a right to be at his side. Even when his son would say, "Let her make the medical decisions!", they would still call him first ........ I'm so lucky that his kids DID support me but being married legally is even more important as we get older!!!! Without legal rights, I've seen 70 year old women thrown out of houses when their long time boyfriend passed away and the daughter in law took charge. When someone is ill for three months, you don't want the added stress of trying to prove to doctors and hospitals that you have a right to be there with him......when they try to say only family can be there. I learned the hard way that marriage DOES matter.......... It wasn't about whether he was going to leave me his stuff or anything like that. It was the stress of having to get medical information from seven different specialists or nurses who changed shifts and didn't know me.........things like that.

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 115 (view)

Growing old gracefully or just growing old? Posted: 2/20/2009 8:18:18 PM
women are also more accepting of men and their imperfections (in general) so men are "allowed" to age naturally....without consequence. we still love you, regardless of your "flaws." I find this to be very true. My experience is that men never see their pot bellies or their wrinkles but then complain that women look old........ I would like to think that I'm aging gracefully. I don't try to deny my age. I don't try to look 10 years younger or deny the arthritus or stuff that slows me down now. I'm content to be exactly what I am at this age now..........I accept my flaws.........I have to wear those reading glasses around my neck now ......... I believe that part of the beauty of a relationship is learning to love each other even with the flaws of age that creep up on us...........

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 230 (view)

Do hearts harden with age? Posted: 2/20/2009 8:05:51 PM
Having gone through a terminal illness with someone, I think, if anything, my heart has softened. I've seen the fragility of life and I think it's broadened my concept of what real love is.

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 57 (view)

Shedding the Mask Posted: 2/20/2009 7:56:47 PM
I will never forget something that happened when I was a child. My mother and I ran into a woman who acted friendly towards my Mom and then told her to stop by some day ....... she would love to see us. Well, I was a naive little child. I believed her and I bugged my mother that we needed to go see her and my mother said that she was just saying that ......... it was the polite thing to say but she really didn't want us to do it. I was amazed by that. Why say it if she didn't mean it? But as I grew up, I realized that my mother was right. Most of the time, when people say "How are you doing?", they really don't want you to go into details.........they just want you to say fine...... So I've learned to put masks on at work and at social events and when I meet people I know but am not close to. But I don't have masks on with my friends. I think I do have a mask on when I meet someone. I don't really let my guard down until I know he is a nice guy............

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 93 (view)

Getting older & enjoying it Posted: 2/9/2009 9:20:29 PM
I can't believe that I'm going to turn 60 at the end of this year! Who is this old woman I see in the mirror? Oh, it's me! Gee, yuck! I sure looked better ten years ago! But you know what? Today I am such a better person. I truly enjoy life more. I enjoy people more. I laugh more. I appreciate more. For me, growing old is a gift. My mother died at 58. I treasure every moment that I have...........she never got to turn 60. My best friend died at 36. My cousin died at 40 with diabetes. Maybe because I've known a lot of young people who have died, I treasure each year .......... I look forward to enjoying every single minute of my "old" years. I enjoy laughing with my friends about the aches and pains .......... I am definately enjoying it!!!

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 62 (view)

Chemistry vs Attraction? Posted: 2/9/2009 9:08:59 PM
I think opposites can attract at times. I'm a very mellow, fun loving type person and I was with a very Type A personality......... He helped me to become more disciplined and I helped him to let go and relax I think it depends on whether you respect and appreciate the differences and are thankful for the benefits his difference may bring to your life or her difference may bring to your life.

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 112 (view)

WHAT IS THIS SPARK PEOPLE ARE SEARCHING FOR? Posted: 2/9/2009 9:03:36 PM
I've been in love and been loved just a couple of times in my life. In both cases there was never a 'spark'! We were friends to begin with and gradually developed into love. Me, too! In one situation, I was actually dating another guy when I became friends with this one guy............then one day, I was off on a camping trip with my boyfriend and realized that I wished it was the guy I was friends with instead! And he realized that he was jealous of me going off for a weekend with my boyfriend...........and we finally realized that somehow we had fallen in love as we got to know each other. It wasn't just physical attraction like with my boyfriend........I really liked my friend! Only the like had turned to love............ And once that love WAS there, the sparks were all over the place!

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 148 (view)

I know I will get blasted for this but... Posted: 2/9/2009 8:54:53 PM
About the only time I would wear a dress or a skirt today is on a date or to church! But my experience is that men definately are more attracted on a first date by a skirt then slacks. There's something about heels and a skirt that just gets them. I've never met a guy in a skirt and heels who didn't want a second date......... I'm the same person. Same body. And usually the guy insisted he WANTED casual but when I dress casual, they lose interest..........when I wear a skirt, they light up........ darned if I understand it but it sure does happen that way.......

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

Over 50 and not sure of dating etiquette Posted: 2/9/2009 8:46:07 PM
OP, something similiar happened to me recently. I was emailing a guy, things seemed fine and then all of a sudden, he just dropped out .......... I have no idea why but when a guy does that, in my experiences anyway, it's usually been because he wanted something instant, realized that it wasn't going to happen with me, and so he moved on. And that's fine with me. I don't want to date someone like that in the first place. There have been times when I've cut something off before I've even met someone because I realize that even though they may be nice, we had nothing in common but I always let them know that............I never just drop out like men seem to do. But if I've talked to them quite a few times, I feel that I owe them an explanation for why I don't feel that we would work out..........yes, they usually protest but I always make sure that I let them know that they are nice............I just don't think I'm what they are looking for or they aren't what I'm looking for and why......... and yes, the last one got really angry at me and blasted me for it but that's his choice. At least I know that I tried to respect him. But think of it this way........what's a guy supposed to say when he wants to just drop out? I'm going to drop you because I'm really looking for someone to jump into bed with? Sometimes the reason they are dropping you is not something they would want to admit to......... I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. I met a guy over a year ago and he IMed me just saying hi and I said hi back to him and asked him how he was doing..........no big deal. The internet thing is funny...........I've had one guy contact me three times and twice before he had just dropped after a few emails..........but then contacts me again? I guess he can't remember who he has contacted? I laugh about things like that now. We are all just human beings stumbling through this. Dating etiquette? Most people are just stumbling around trying to figure out how to do this! So sit back, take it with a grain of salt, laugh about it, don't hold grudges and just know that it only takes ONE guy to come along to be the right one........even if it takes meeting 50 of them before that one come along........

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 47 (view)

Too soon. Not soon enough. Too keen. Not keen enough. Posted: 2/9/2009 8:22:27 PM
I'm really glad that some men in this topic have said that they want love to be there, too. Let's face it. Most women have had men hitting on them for just sex over and over for years. By this age, we know when a guy is sincere and when he's just looking to get laid. At least most of the time! And if two people want it just casual like that, it's fine. I'm not into that. I've always wanted love to be there first. It could take a month, two months, three months.........and as you get to know the person, little attachments happen ......... you start to share funny moments or memories together........ the moment comes when it's right and it grows.......... It doesn't take years....... But when you take that time to get to know each other and to really feel love for each other, that's when it's making love instead of just copulating with a stranger. I really believe that most men want that attachment, trust, and security that comes with forming those bonds and that, too often, they destroy any chance of those bonds forming because they want sex first and then let's see if we like each other. JMO............if a guy takes his time...........there will be a very natural flow that happens as a woman begins to feel love and he will feel it, too........ And that's what really matters in life. Establishing that closeness with another person of the opposite sex. Knowing that you are accepted and loved and wanted..........even with all your imperfections...........in fact, even the imperfections can become loveable qualities.

friendlyldy

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 191 (view)

The Longer You Go Without Posted: 2/9/2009 7:53:23 PM
Women seem to be able to put sex on hold for a long ime. Not so with most guys. I don't think women put sex on hold for a long time My desire for sex is just as strong as it was when I was young but I also know that I don't need to have a man in my life to fulfill my desire for sex. Therefore I don't feel a need to jump into bed with guys by the third date. My ex would give me great references if I needed them......... I think women make love from their hearts and that attachment takes more then three dates to form and most men are looking for it to be there immediately......... When I meet the right guy, I know things will be fine ........

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