Horses: Mares with GCT - anyone had one? chat & forums.

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Thread: Horses: Mares with GCT - anyone had one?

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Horses: Mares with GCT - anyone had one? Posted: 4/19/2009 6:28:39 PM
News is good, not GTC - vet doesn't know what it was. But, she's back to normal - so I'm feeling very blessed. Thanks for all the support...

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Does it really need to be this difficult? Posted: 3/2/2009 6:01:19 PM
OP you didn't give much information about your third date's lifestyle (i.e. - does he work where he travels a lot, does he work where he can be called to work OT at a moment's notice, does he work shift work, etc., etc.) so it's a fool's guessing game as to why he is not contacting you. Some will jump in and say, he's just not that into you; others may say he's doing the 3-day rule. Who knows! Anyway, if you have the issue with after the first date thing, then it's up to you to resolve that issue. Make the move after the first date on your own terms - call him in 3 days if he hasn't contacted you, send him an e-mail or text message thanking him for a nice time and expressing your desire to see if he would be interested in getting together to try another date. What I've learned in my 36+ years of living in the male/female realm is that our issues are our own to resolve and most of the solutions for them lie in communication. I understand what you mean about those gentlemen who are looking for a F buddy even though you've stated it in your profile, verbally and in written communication. I do have one question for you - if the "L" word terrifies you, why are you putting yourself out there for dating? Most dating relationships have the potential to end up in long term relationships that directly revolve around the "L" word. Maybe you should change your profile to looking for "Friends" instead of dating.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

What about cats?!? Posted: 1/5/2009 5:28:31 PM
Pass her opinion off as just that, her opinion...to which she is entitled. Obviously she isn't for you, but as you've seen from the posts here, there are other fishies in the sea who support your desire! Fish on fishes!

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 276 (view)

do caucasion people find east indian people attractive Posted: 12/22/2008 2:55:40 PM
Society exempalrizes differences - so people tend to swing one way or the other where interracial/interculture attraction is concerned. For me, besides the physical, the final cap on the attraction is how the fella treats me, no matter his race.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

How understanding should you be with your partner? Posted: 12/21/2008 7:18:18 PM
Relationships aren't 50/50 - can't be. Otherwise, neither of you are committed 100% to the relationship. Granted, there are times one or the other will put more effort into the relationship. But, ultimately, if both parties aren't totally invested 100% it will eventually backfire and one or the other will become dissatisfied and discontent. JMHO

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Vasectomy and Pregnancy???? Posted: 12/3/2008 4:26:12 PM
Well OP, most docs will tell the guys to use protection for up to 3 months to prevent pregnancy. This is not a hard and fast rule - just a guideline...studies have shown some men still have viable sperm up to 6 months after the surgery. It takes repeat semen counts to determine a man's ability to father or not father a child post-vasectomy. The fact that he won't tell you when it happened is a red flag - if he's so sure, he wouldn't be hedging giving you this information. No matter - at the end of time a DNA test can be court ordered to determine parentage of the child. Usually that bit of knowledge will assist a man with understanding that it ain't rocket science any more and the legal system smiles on the results for determining child support. Good luck...

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 104 (view)

Why do adults need to live on their own? Posted: 11/29/2008 12:01:03 PM
"If your parents love you and respect you...they would want you around all the time." Most parents love and respect their children and do want them around as much as possible. But, that doesn't mean that the parents haven't done their job nor does it mean that the children should 'expect' to continue to live with their parents just because their parents love them and respect them. "The idea that boys or girls should leave their parents house because they need to be independent is bullshyt. Just another set of pizz poor parents who probably should not have had children at all." No, the idea that boys or girls should leave their parents house is not to be independent - it's called growing up and and becoming an active participant in the adult world. It also means, for some anyway, 'the children' have realized that wanting a life of their own, being responsible for calling the shots, taking care of themselves, providing for themselves is part of being an adult child and the only way to achieve those goals is to actually attempt the efforts it takes to do them. It has nothing to do with it being 'another set of pizz poor parents who probably should not have had children at all'. Both of my children are living on their owns, developing their own lives. They both know that, if for some reason, they have a home to come to should the need arise. This world is not an easy place to live and work in - however, in order to do just that, a person has to actually be an active participant in the adult world in order to successfully live and work in this world. I've raised my children to adulthood - they are both mentally, emotionally, and phyiscally healthy. There is no reason why they need to live with me and neither do they want to. They value their independence and ability to make their own decisions.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

How to deal with being betrayed. Posted: 11/27/2008 10:31:17 AM
OP, as always with these types of posts, only a bit of the whole situation is presented. You stated he told several people about some very private and personal things that you felt were in confidence and didn't need to be clarified as such. What you didn't say is if this was a one-time (all the people at once) or continued (individuals at different times) occurrence of betrayal. Ultimately, it doesn't matter - if you feel betrayed that's how you feel. Maybe time will give you a different perspective. Only you can decide that. Time does heal all wounds, but it also proves whether the other person truly wants to make amends or whether they don't have the ability to be something other than what they've already shown themselves to be. If you decide to give him more time you will eventually have to ask yourself this question - can you or will you ever feel comfortable enough with him to trust him again?

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

He needs time to think about things Posted: 11/27/2008 10:24:34 AM
Uhm, you should be the one to be scared - run! He has a multitude of issues that only HE can rectify. You can't help him or save him from himself. The fact that "He isn't supposed to be driving or drinking, but he does those things anyways." should be a HUGE RED flag to you. He's using you to enable him to continue his self-destructive ways. His statements - "He told me that he really cares about me and that I treat him better than he deserves, but he just doesn't want to get into trouble and get sent back to prison and leave me here waiting for him. He told me he needs time to think about things and figure out what he wants. He has told me that he is scared. I don't know if this is just a line or if maybe everything that he is going through could make it really scary for him to commit." is telling you just that - he isn't capable of being responsible, either for himself or you. If you tell him you'll wait for him should this occur you are in effect telling him that you approve of his actions, as well as, his inability to accept responsibility for his actions and decisions. It will give him the opening he is seeking - someone else to blame. While I believe everyone deserves another chance, I also believe that they have to own up to their actions and quit blaming others. I was married to a man who blamed everything bad that he did on something or someone else. I gave him a second chance - nothing changed because he didn't see it as him having the problem. Hence, eventually, he returned to his chosen MO of blaming everyone and everything else for his actions. He's not there yet and you shouldn't be there with him. JMO

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

Can this work out if shes nearly 10 years older than me? Posted: 11/27/2008 10:12:05 AM
As other posters have responded - age isn't your biggest obstacle, your working together will be. Take it from someone who married a man and we worked together. Eventually there will be strife and angst because of the marital/work relationship. Whether it's emotional reaction to interactions that were present before the marriage, yet after the marriage one or the other of you may see the interaction as more than what it actually is OR conceived differences in how the 'boss' treats one or the other of you. If the two of you are truly serious about having a relationship, one of you should change job location - if possible, transfer to another location within the company or change companies altogether. Plus, if you are both working for the same company and down the road (or current economic situation) the company decides to downsize, one or both of you could wind up without a job. Not a good recipe for building a future together.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

lack of conversation Posted: 11/17/2008 1:46:00 AM
The way I look at it is, if they truly were interested they would be engaging in their e-mails - asking questions, offering information, etc. I realize that not everyone is comfortable with typing e-mails and the written word. But, if they've gone to the trouble of answering an initial contact, I would think they would want to engage the other person a little bit to find out if they are truly interested in having a 'speaking' conversation over the telephone. Myself, I like a curious person, they are more stimulating because they seek knowledge - even if it is about the mundane aspects of life. As far as fixing it - you can't. The other person has to have the self-initiating desire to extend themselves to another person. If that desire isn't within them, you can't put it there. So, go find one who is into conversing and leave the wallflowers where they are comfortable - on the wall.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 194 (view)

She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history? Posted: 11/16/2008 4:22:08 AM
How about the 'married man' who sleeps with the escort? Get real - he solicits her, pays her - how does that make it HER fault? He's the one who has chosen to disregard the lives of his wife and children by soliciting her to begin with, not the escort. Or better yet, the married man that cheats on his wife WITHOUT paying for sex? Does that make it any less hurtful? Good grief! As far as taxes - I know many, many RICH folk who find ways to NOT pay taxes - how is that any different? Just because they make their money in a more 'acceptable' fashion, it makes it more right that they avoid paying taxes? Get a grip marina, life isn't black and white. It's all shades of gray. As I said before, sex for money isn't something I condone, but, by the same token, I won't judge someone - I'm just another imperfect human being on this planet. All the perfect souls have vacated the premises.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 192 (view)

She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history? Posted: 11/16/2008 4:04:35 AM
"So, is this basically just a case of me needing to get past her sexual history? " Does she need to get past YOUR sexual history? Sheesh! While I don't condone sex for money, I also know no one should judge someone unless they have lived the other person's existence. It's easy to sit back from a position of safety/comfort and say that it's wrong to do this and that - quite a different matter when you are suddenly faced with it yourself and find that, gee, you, yourself, go the same route as the person you looked down upon for doing before you. Is the pain you want to make go away from the fact that she took money for sex? Or is it because you thought she was a 'virgin' and had been with no other man before you and now it's a territorial threat? Grow up - if you find 'her past' more repulsive than you can live with, cut her loose and let her find a man who doesn't live in a rose-colored world that can love her for the person she is now. By the way - look in the mirror and see who stares back at you. If you like the person and ALL that comes with him (bag, baggage and cart), then maybe you'll be able to understand we all carry our past inside us - it's how we choose to live our lives in the present and going forward that matters now.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Confused and perhaps denying the obvious!?!?! Posted: 11/16/2008 3:50:53 AM
"I would like to go to school for something and I asume I will eventually. Though until he has a well paying job I can't. " Ah, OP, don't do this to yourself. More than likely, from what you have said in your posts, you will end up NOT going to school because you will always be following his lead. You have to develop you, as a person, in order to be both happy and successful in this life. I'm a firm believer in not putting off today just because you THINK you can do it tomorrow. Believe me when I say, tomorrow does come, and it will come with something that is completely unexpected. "We share very different views, Hes the kind of person who wants everything planned and schedualed. I'm the kind of person who 'takes everything as it comes'. " Now, this statement says a lot. Although two people who view life from the opposite ends of the spectrum can make a relationship work, it takes an EXTREME amount of effort on both parties parts to do so. From what you have intimated here, he doesn't appear to have that ability. Your description of him so far has presented a vision of a person who will always find something else to place the blame on for his shortcomings instead of admitting them. JMO, but, OP, I think you have come to a crossroads in your life, realizing that this relationship just isn't what you had hoped for and understanding that your partner really isn't and won't be your partner. While you say he gets along famously with your family, THEY aren't the ones who will be living with him day in, day out for the long term. Since you seem to be the strong one, and the more mature one, you really must sit down with him and discuss your feelings, desires, etc. with him and listen to his as well - it's unfair to both of you to continue the relationship without open communication about these subjects. Besides, why would you want to have a relationship where you feel you can't communicate? That's not healthy either.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Confused and perhaps denying the obvious!?!?! Posted: 11/13/2008 6:35:19 PM
OP, you don't say how old your boyfriend is or what he's going to Uni for, but it sounds like you are on a one-sided action. You say you are feeling challenged in your feelings for him - I take that to mean that your feelings have changed in intensity and type. That can happen because YOU are the only one investing the effort in the relationship. While I realize he has the demands of school facing him, he shouldn't be dropping EVERYTHING on you and he SHOULD be actively participating in the relationship. He also shouldn't drop out to appease you or to work on the relationship - all that will do is create resentment in him. Sounds like you two may have grown up and grown apart - it happens. The best thing to do is sit him down, tell him how you feel and discuss where the two of you want the relationship to go. You might find that he is having the same feelings you are and isn't strong enough to tell you. Good luck... My perspective -

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 130 (view)

Has feminism destroyed all men? Posted: 11/9/2008 4:39:48 PM
Good Gawd man, what rock did you crawl out from under? I don't know any woman, or man for that matter, who would long for anyone to treat them in the manner you wrote about. The whole thing most women want is for a man to treat them like a person who matters for more than the physical, animal needs (food, clothing, sex, and not necessarily in that order). I'm sure men get fed up with being 'turned to' every time something gets difficult - it should be a team effort during the good, the bad and the ugly in a relationship, just as a woman gets fed up with being the one who is responsible for 'figuring out' everything for everyone (like keeping kids schedules, getting them to where they need to go, making sure the husband has everything he needs for work and play when he needs it, etc., etc.). Give me a PARTNER for a partner and I'll be a happy woman.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 58 (view)

What would you say to her if you were her close friend? Posted: 10/29/2008 10:08:03 AM
Nothing against people who are separated intended. But, to enter into a relationship with someone who hasn't finalized a relationship is asking for a potential load of turmoil in your life. That said, not everyone's situation is the same, so without more details it is hard to say what my response would be for her given situation. My own personal response to that type of situation is not until he's divorced and even then not for quite a while afterwards. There are just too many feelings associated with ending a relationship that are different for each person. Needless to say, it takes time to resolve and finally put the past in the past before someone can move on and make themselves available emotionally to someone else. So, NO, she shouldn't move in with him.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Virus Software Posted: 10/26/2008 12:09:52 PM
OP, your McAfee should be a good choice. Stay completely away from Norton - it totally sux. As far as SpybotSD, it is a great malware/anti-spyware program and it is FREE. However, it isn't advertised as an anti-virus. I have both McAfee and Spybot installed on both my home and work computers. Good team, plus firewalls. I'd recommend staying with McAfee since it is already installed and then download Spybot - http://www.safer-networking.org/en/download Don't go to any other website to download it - there are clones out there that do the exact opposite of what it is supposed to do. It asks for donations, but it is not required. Good luck...

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 77 (view)

Is it wrong to care about a prospective partners feelings? Posted: 10/26/2008 5:59:00 AM
OP, she obviously wasn't ready for you to be in her space, hence, that's why she didn't give you her address for real. Not knowing the whole story, it's hard to make any kind of recommendations. I would leave her alone and let her decide if she wants to speak with you again. If she does, then have a good sit down to discuss where BOTH of you want the relationship to go, what expectations there are for both of you and whether the sharing of personal information is going to be one-sided or both sided. As a woman, I can understand why having a guy, whom I hadn't given my address, just show up at my house would be disconcerting to her. I think it would've been better received if you had sent her a text message first to ask if she would appreciate you bringing her some supper and spending time at her place so she wouldn't have to drive to you. JMO

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

Are sigle women handy women? Posted: 10/22/2008 5:43:46 PM
OP, I was raised to be self-sufficient. That said, as an adult, whose marriages did not work out, with two children to raise, a home to maintain, and property to keep in good order I had no choice but to continue to be self-sufficient. I have no regrets, it's just the way life was and is still. I'm single, 51 yo, still self-sufficient and will remain that way for the rest of my life, good Lord willing. I can build stuff, paint stuff, tear stuff apart, put stuff together, change the oil in my truck, change a tire, chop firewood, and a sundry of other things too mundane to mention. It's just part of the freedoms this country has provided to us womenfolk - after years of fighting for it!

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Dealing with False Accusations Posted: 10/22/2008 5:20:44 PM
OP your profile doesn't give a city in New Jersey, but I just Googled Legal Aid Society of New Jersey and there are several in the state. I suggest contacting them for assistance in obtaining a restraining order. At the very least they will be able to provide you with resources and contacts to assist in you protecting you and your daughter. That said, if this guy is as unstable as you say he is make sure you do the following: 1) You are never alone whenever possible while in public, while in public make sure you are aware of your surroundings - never take for granted that a public place with people around is a safe place; 2) always make sure your daughter is attended by someone when she is out of your care (make the school, babysitters, coaches, teachers, etc. aware of the situation); and 3) make sure your ex is identified as someone who is NOT allowed to remove or transport your daughter from school, or any other social activity where she is under the supervision of someone other than you.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 94 (view)

What is the right war? Posted: 10/22/2008 4:59:49 PM
I don't know that you can make a determination of whether a war is right or wrong. But, you may be able to distinguish whether the reasons behind why the war began are right or wrong. No matter what, everyone will have an opinion about whether anything is right or wrong. Their opinions are going to be based on experiences they have encountered during their lives - hence, there will never be a time when 100% of the people will agree on anything any time. Myself, I prefer that the bulk of our forces were here in the states, guarding our borders, patrolling our airports, harbors, railways and other forms of mass transit to put an end to the terrorist moles already planted here. If needed, put special forces out to hunt down the cells of terrorists factions in other countries and show them no mercy. Just as they do not show mercy to the people whose lives they destroy by their acts.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Weird day, Girl at my door Covered in Blood Posted: 10/22/2008 4:51:24 PM
OP, a simple Google turned up several services in your area: Manitoba Abuse Hotline & Organization Directory ORGANIZATION NAME CITY PHONE » Klinic Community Health Centre Sexual Assault Crisis Line Winnipeg (888) 292-7565 » Parkland Crisis Centre and Women's Shelter Dauphin (877) 977-0007 » Thompson Crisis Centre Thompson (800) 442-0613 » Womenﾒs Safe Haven Resource Centre Flin Flon » YWCA of Brandon Brandon » YWCA Westman Women's Shelter Brandon (800) 862-2727 Try one of them to see if they can assist this young girl. It should remove you as a potential target and it may give her hope that she has someplace safe to get away from the woman who did this to her.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Looking for friends = read/delete? Posted: 10/21/2008 6:21:37 PM
OP, don't take the read/delete to heart. I have looking for friends on my profile too and have had it happen several times when I've extended the 'hand' of friendship. I don't think anything of it - I truly want to make friends, not just acquaintances who think of me as someone to pass the time of day because no one more interesting has come along. As one poster astutely pointed out, just because you want to be friends with those who say they are looking for friends it doesn't mean that they have to accept you as a friend of theirs.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Is honesty the best policy? Posted: 10/21/2008 6:11:31 PM
OP, you say you are 'going through divorce issues' - that, in and of itself would be a deterrant for me. Nothing against those in divorce, been there myself. The issue for me is I have no desire to be in the middle of someone else's divorce HAVING been there myself. I recommend you get your divorce issues ironed out and then begin your search. You may find you are more successful when the ink is dry and the papers have been recorded.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

Season change and desire for companionship Posted: 10/20/2008 11:55:19 AM
"I can always learn different things from different cultures. I believed that Western women were very independent. Now I see something different. Because the season is changed, they need some men dependable with the coming season. Does somebody mean having a different man with a different season?" Not at all stealing - My desire for male companionship doesn't take anything away from my being an independent woman. I believe women everywhere are as independent as they choose to be. Some cultures, however, make it difficult for those who are outspoken about it to be successful in their lives because of their outspokeness. Just because a woman desires companionship doesn't make her less independent. It just means the woman is acknowledging the natural course of the human entity - basically, that she possesses the desire to share her existence with a male companion. And, no, at least for me, it doesn't mean having a different man for each different season. One good man would be quite enough for all seasons. Until that one good man appears in my life, I will be content as an independent, complete woman.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. Posted: 10/19/2008 4:33:48 AM
Actually, there is another take on the adage - basically, if you can't come up with something better than the proposed solution or status quo, then you shouldn't be ranting against it. Reminds me of people who live near a landfill who complain about the landfill being there, but NOT recycling to prevent the need for a landfill's existence. They ARE part of the problem because they AREN'T participating in the solution - RECYCLING. Basically it all boils down to the amount of effort any of us are willing to expend to make a change to achieve something better for ourselves, our families, our communities, our country and our world. This applies to anything and everything we encounter in our lives.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

worse now or more honest? Posted: 10/19/2008 4:22:04 AM
Can't speak for anyone but myself, but I have been married and divorced more than once. I have no desire to set myself up to fail again; so even though I desire to have a special someone in my life again, I'm not in any hurry to get back into a marriage just to make that happen. I am content to remain as I am until that time. And, yes, a good relationship is hard work because no two people will ever agree 100% of the time, each has to be willing to extend themselves to see the other's viewpoint and discuss the differences so each feels fulfilled with the outcome. The trick is finding that special someone who feels communication is a prerequisite to success in the relationship.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

Single, Over 45 and Starving? Posted: 10/19/2008 4:09:22 AM
"I have no problems with cooking for myself nor eating by myself. The problem I have is with "shopping for one". In my area it is hard to find anything packaged for a meal for one. I can find "family packs" of steaks, chicken, pork chops, etc... in any grocery store though. (Just got back from shopping. Must go repackage everything into single servings now...) " Yep, I hear ya...that is so frustrating too because you end up spending more than you want in order to get what you want. I don't have a chest freezer - no need any more since it is just me. So buying bulk and repackaging isn't an option. I just have to go to stores whose meat departments offer unprepackaged meats so I can get just what I want without having more than I need. Luckily, we still have one grocery that does this and there are several meat processors in the area who sell retail as well as wholesale.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

Season change and desire for companionship Posted: 10/19/2008 4:01:11 AM
I agree with all the posters and they were great ones! Great sharing...I do want to clarify things... It isn't the fact of holidays coming that creates more desire to have a mate for me...I don't want someone for some things - if I'm to have a special someone in my life again it will be for all times. I've just noticed, for myself, that the change of seasons increases the desire to have that special someone around to share them with, along with every other day of the year. As far as cooking and baking, yes, it's nice to cook meals for people you love - as long as they do the cleaning up afterwards! tehee! Just kidding - it's nice to share ALL aspects together.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Season change and desire for companionship Posted: 10/17/2008 2:20:48 PM
Was thinking about this the other day and realized how my own perspective about being in a relationship changes throughout the year. Then thought about how these changes were related to the changes in the seasons. Seems like when the seasons change I find myself with a stronger desire to have that someone special around to share the first snowfall, the first crocus of spring, the first lightning bugs, the first color change of fall leaves, feeling the first warm breeze of summer, seeing the clear crisp sky of a fall night, etc. Not saying that I don't miss sharing all the other parts of a relationship, just noticed that some things trigger stronger desires throughout the year. Does anyone else notice a change in their desire for a relationship based on the change of seasons?

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Second Date Tomorrow. Any Advice? Posted: 10/17/2008 2:12:24 PM
Geez Op, can you be more specific about what she LIKES? LOL! Seriously, discuss with her what she might like to do, then agree on it together. If I were her I'd like to have some input. You can make suggestions just to start the ball rolling- like a picnic in the park (if weather is nice), seeing what landmarks she'd like to tour if this is her first time there, finding a nice pub that has good music that isn't so loud you can't carry on conversation yet is enticing for dancing.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Appearance change? Opinions ladies? Posted: 10/17/2008 2:06:23 PM
OP, when I was your age the guys that got my attention were the ones who kept themselves clean (hair, beard, moustache, skin, clothes), kept their hair nice (whether long or short), kept their goatees/moustaches/etc. nicely trimmed if they had them, weren't off the wall trying to be different, wore clothes that actually fit them, didn't get stuck wearing the 'fad' clothes as a norm (that just told me they were sheep following the lead ram). That said, guys who attract my attention now are ones who keep themselves clean, keep their hair nicely trimmed (if they have hair, smooth and shiny if they don't), keep their facial hair neatly trimmed if they have any, wear clothing appropriate for the occasion that is nice fitting, and don't follow the crowd. A tasteful, single ear piercing is attractive. A bazillion piercings in the eyebrow, nose, lip, even along the ear cartilege is very DISTRACTING. Personally, I'd rather enjoy the view of the guy's profile without all the metal protrusions to disrupt the vision. Plus, who wants to be stopped at the airport metal detector every single time while they wand your boyfriend??? LOL!

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Dogs on the bed Posted: 10/16/2008 4:18:51 PM
OP you don't say whether you have discussed this with your GF, but that would be the place to start. I would recommend NOT putting this in the frame of 'you or yours'(meaning her and her dogs) - rather frame it about how it makes you feel regarding having an extra set of eyes, ears and noses that aren't attached to the two of you in the same bed with you. When married and/or seriously involved my dogs did NOT park their behinds on the bed at any time for any reason and still don't even though I'm not involved with anyone. They have their own beds to lay in and that is where they stay. So, please refrain from generalizing that we women ALL do it.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Stood up. Again. Posted: 10/15/2008 5:13:16 PM
OP I've not had that problem, but I have had communication problems. Guy I was supposed to meet for a walk gave me his cell number. The evening we were supposed to meet I had an emergency at my barn. I tried and tried to reach him and kept getting wierd messages like the number was out of service or the voice mail was not setup to receive messages. Hard to communicate when the device doesn't operate...

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

What do i do if she ends up unattractive? Posted: 10/14/2008 4:53:27 PM
No OP, don't lie. Tell her that you went to her facebook account, reviewed her profile and are confused by the photos as they are different than what she has on POF. Ask her why the photos appear to be so different and give her a chance to explain. If after listening (notice I didn't say HEARING) to what she has to say you'll have more to base your decision about whether you want to continue with the interaction. Good luck!

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Young At Heart ??? Posted: 10/11/2008 4:50:33 PM
"Why is everyone (or some people anyway) in such a hurry to be old? Do you consider 40, 50 or 60 to be "old" ? What's with these numbers anyway? - they're kinda irrelevant aren't they? Shouldn't we just go like hell until we drop? " Where? Who? I can't see anyone in a hurry to be old....I do, however, see people who have suffered due to diseases, physical infirmities, etc., who have relinquished their mind, heart and sould to being old because they can no longer do the things they love to do. Consider 40, 50 or 60 to be old? Nah, but then, it's all relevant to the point where each of us is in our lives, right? Myself, I plan on going on as long as I can doing whatever I can right up until I no longer move. By the way, gravity works...

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

How Many Times Have You Said I Love You? Posted: 10/10/2008 4:28:07 AM
No, I say I love you because it's who I am, not because of or in spite of my upbringing. I say what I feel and feel what I say. Simple.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 103 (view)

Fun First Date Ideas Posted: 10/9/2008 5:25:14 PM
Well, I'm going to share an idea that a gentleman had on his profile on another site. It was really unique and insightful. His idea was to go for a drive - he would operate the brake and the left side of the steering wheel, and you would operate the gas and the right side of the steering wheel to see how far you got down the road working together to avoid crashing. Talk about learning whether someone will trust you and work with you in one fell swoop!!

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

lack of conversation Posted: 10/9/2008 5:21:30 PM
First off, if you are searching for a gentleman who has the capabilities of actually communicating in a sharing manner, why would you want to continue interacting with those gentlemen who can't or won't? If the guy doesn't put forth the effort you are searching for, don't keep badgering him, cut him loose and continue your search. You'll be much happier and it will also reduce the potential of you getting kicked out for harassing someone.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

How much money does a guy need to make? Posted: 10/9/2008 5:03:49 PM
Drum, in my perspective it's not a dollar amount, it's whether the man makes the most of what he makes and is able to enjoy life without having someone else pay his way all the time. The other side of the coin is some men have difficulty dealing with a woman who makes more money than them, so it's a two way street. Catch 22.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Do Girls Really Know What They Want? Posted: 10/9/2008 4:58:21 PM
OP, besides not smiling, your ID isn't exactly the vision of warm and fuzzy...blackmyheart?

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 89 (view)

To tell or not to tell Posted: 10/7/2008 6:19:29 PM
OP, without even reading the rest of the posts my perspective is, when kids are involved it's a no brainer. If you have verified that what you have heard IS the truth, and that there are children involved, the human thing to do IS to tell the truth. But, I'd start with him first - give him an opportunity to hear what you've learned, then to hear that you are going to provide his bride to be with the truth about his interactions with you and finally, to hear that you are done with his sorry hide, no IFs, ANDs or BUTs about it - don't let the door hit his sorry arse as he exits, stage left! It isn't about revenge, it's about preventing innocent children from being dragged into a bad situation.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

do girls often know that a male friend loves them but do nothing? Posted: 10/7/2008 9:58:09 AM
Gee, OP, I have lots of guys who are 'just friends' and I love them as friends. I see nothing shameful about that or saying it. I'm hoping they don't want to throw me to the curb just because I say they're just friends or I love them as friends!

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Friday/Sunday nights Posted: 10/6/2008 9:57:50 AM
Fridays are the first nights of fun and frivolity and Sundays are saying goodbye to the weekend freedom - just my perspective. Other potentials are, people who work long hours thru the week are too tired to mess with social sites during the workday week evenings and only spend time when they feel they can truly devote to interacting with a potential meet up OR they don't get online until then for whatever reasons.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

a lil help Posted: 10/6/2008 4:17:25 AM
OP - stick to your principles and don't change. If you want to break the ice with this girl so the tension is relieved before you both are out with friends again, call her and tell her the truth - that while you are interested in her, you weren't going to take advantage of her. If she's worth her salt she'll be happy about the gentleman you are. If she's still upset, there's nothing else for you to do but walk away, go out with your friends and have a good time.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Long emails for 3-4 weeks, should my friend pull the plug? Posted: 10/6/2008 4:05:14 AM
OP - your friend needs to examine why he feels it's so important to meet RIGHT now. I'm with the other posters, if he doesn't have the patience to wait two more weeks he might as well just cut and run. Obviously, this girl isn't into instant gratification in any aspect of her life or she would've asked to meet by now. Anything worthwhile in life never comes easy or quickly. And, NO, even if I'm interested it's NOT an exchange of 2-4 e-mails. Wouldn't be even if I were 30 again. I'm looking for a gentleman who has staying power - maybe your friend's e-mail lady is looking for the same.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Love II Posted: 10/5/2008 8:26:36 PM
Speaking from my own experience only, my parents have been married for 60+ years, never separated once. Myself, not so lucky...have made the crossing 4x and still no success. So, I can't blame my parents successful relationship for my own lack of success with matrimony. I understand what you are saying though OP - but, I don't think it's that cut and dried. It takes two working 100% of the time to make a marriage work or any relationship work for that matter. That and keeping the lines of communication open throughout the marriage/relationship. I'm not a big fan of blaming our childhoods for our failures - we're adults now.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

Do we use the same critera for our friends as our dates? Posted: 10/5/2008 8:18:18 PM
"i do admire your open-mindedness. i guess i'm probably politically incorrect, but i learned the hard way to trust my hunches. once you meet a drama queen and get sucked into their game, you keep your wits about you to avoid a repeat performance." Thanks juniper...and it's not politically incorrect to trust your hunches. But, having been in situations where I've not put my best foot forward on the initial encounter and was given a second chance to make a good impression, I've found that I make better decisions if I have the patience to wait and see if the person is truly like what they presented initially or if they were just nervous/afraid. That doesn't mean that I haven't made decisions to not continue interacting with a person based on my first impression of them; it just means I try NOT to judge someone from one encounter.

nikinikaia

Joined: 6/9/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

Do we use the same critera for our friends as our dates? Posted: 10/5/2008 5:16:59 AM
As I've gotten older I've gotten better at not using snap judgement about people. I prefer getting to know the person and not using first impressions as my criteria for whether I want to be friends with them or not. But, yes, if I find that they do drugs, lie, are abusive, continuously unfaithful, or totally irresponsible when it comes to their children, I don't count them among my friends. And, sadly, after 37 years of being friends with one lady, I elected to end the friendship because of her drinking, and using/abusing personality. We change as we age - some for the better, some for the worse. We all have choices in this life - it's up to us to make the right ones for ourselves.

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