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notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 625 (view)

Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married? Posted: 3/23/2009 8:16:58 PM
tigfai said...i am over 35 and have had back luck in finding my true soulmate, the closest ive been is engaged for 8 years but found that he wasn't satisfied with one gal and needed some on the side..why is that??? why aren't people happy to be with only one person in a realtionship?? well, i can only speak for me...an engagement of longer than 18 months is not realistic...if you don't know by then, you'll never know... i'm single now and dating more than one woman is what it's all about...i'm very open about it, and when things get serious with one, i'll slow it down with other women around me... i appreciate honesty, and i'll bail at the first sign of deception...i'm finding that so many women cherish real openness and relationships thrive on the truth...

NotJustAnotherGuy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 496 (view)

Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married? Posted: 12/10/2008 7:52:58 PM
seriously looking to get married...sure but not because it's there...only because the relationship is magical in a number of unique ways...when two lives interconnect in such special ways, both people seek to make their daily interactions so much better... wanting to have a baby isn't enough of a reason...believing we are soul mates isn't enough either...and wanting to spend your golden years with whomever you're having great sex with for the moment is certainly not a good reason... no matter what your age, you must have a view of yourself living fantastically in your own future...of a life where you are satisfied each day by your own unique accomplishments...and where your love of life is stronger than all the day to day urges we have as humans... your passion for your own life mission must drive you hard...when you're bruised, battered, and weary to the bone from that days achievements, that's the time you'll need to reconnect with your partner... and after i've had a comparably challenging day...if we can then fully merge in body, mind, and spirit, then i'd definitely have the dialog with you about marriage...

NotJustAnotherGuy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Bring up difference in age? Posted: 12/10/2008 7:25:14 PM
as an older man dating much younger woman, i don't see what the issue is here...if she's exchanged numbers with you, then just put the best you have into the new relationship and allow it to develop naturally... seems to me that you wouldn't be where you are with her unless she was okay with the age difference...so stop worrying and just be real with her...let nature take it's course... best of luck to the two of you...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 80 (view)

sexual talk Posted: 11/30/2008 8:35:40 AM
And the funny thing is that I would be the same woman both times...and quite frankly not that different from other women... i get it...still not everyone would agree... to me, the dating ritual is so insane...one of the most pleasurable things we can do together as men and women has so many layers of emotional nonsense wrapped around it...for those who believe that's how it ought to be, i yield to your judgment especially if it's working for you...otherwise, i say it's so refreshing to have a woman finally be so "real" about her view of life... i imagine that if/when you stop seeing your current guy, and you update your profile, you'll be getting a flood of email from new guys hoping to get in that FWB line...have fun with it...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 76 (view)

sexual talk Posted: 11/29/2008 7:59:48 PM
Let's say this time I"m brutally honest and write something like.... "Hi, I'm kaylie, and I"m horny all the freakin' time. I love having sex and can't get enough of it. But to be honest, not all of you turn me on. Some of you creep me out. Some of you are unattractive. Then again, some of you are hotties and I wanna screw you right here right now over the internet. way to go, kaylie!...it's refreshing to see a woman fully lay her cards on the table and for once be real about her life...especially the sexual parts of it... some guys will be rushing to your profile...other's will think it's a trick...the ones with the right stuff may be scratching their heads and wondering if you're for real...i'm thinking you may get some attention from this post...hopefully, all good... as for me, i've seen enough of your posts to believe what you write...and the part about being creeped out by some guys is a message that none should overlook...i get the part that you still have some class about who gets to play in your sexual games... I like a little bit of kinky sex. If you are all vanilla, don't even bother messaging me. Oh, and I like a dominant guy who can take control in the bedroom and pleasure me beyond all belief. By the way, I love being on top so I can stimulate my G-spot and just have one continuous 30 minute orgasm. If you can't do that to me, don't bother messaging me either. But if you can, baby I"m ready for you...hot, wet, and horny as a well, as a chick in heat. Just remember I'm picky as hell and just because you are interested in me doesn't mean I'll be interested in you back!" okay, i'm thinking you just lost a good number of guys here...unless a guy is really experienced, he probably saying about now...this woman can teach me a few things...and when i was younger, that was a pretty significant threat to my ego... i love reading that you can express these images openly... Now tell me...how many of you would think I'm a girl of substance? How many of you would take me seriously for a RELATIONSHIP? Ok, maybe I'm not looking for serious right now. LOL But the point is, you'd read that and think either "skanky", "slut" or "one night stand". Even though I'm being honest about my sexuality...yes, honest, expressing what I'm not allowed to say usually. And, if you actually read what I wrote, I'm def not looking for a one night stand...I"m looking for LOTS and LOTS of sex according to those words. LOL Tell me there's no double standard...but I won't believe you. there is definitely a double standard...girls have to "appear" nice...you've just told us that you enjoy sex and that's just a fact of your life...for the men who are put off by your openness, then just say goodbye to them... i can't say that i know where this openness will take you...my hope is that you find those rare men with the emotional maturity and sexual prowess to meet you on a level playing field...i'm betting that those nice smiles on your face are the results of playing out some of the sexual images you've expressed here...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 94 (view)

Kissing, cuddling, hugging, intimacy Posted: 11/13/2008 3:41:38 PM
La Gioconda said...This statement is very confusing to me... i'm sorry for being unclear...i'll do what i can to clarify things a bit better... long before i get to the kissing stage with my women friends, we've usually discussed our sexual attraction or lack of it...at that point, it's quite clear that kissing, embracing, cuddling, and the resultant intimacies are non sexual...that's why i failed to mention the sexual overtones you saw in my earlier words... i understand that what i speak of and the common usage of intimacy, especially in this thread, are somewhat different...and i'm cool with you having a very different view... in my profile, i write, "There's so much men and women can share, whether as friends or way much more."...these comments was just clarifying what seems commonplace for me with some of my women friends...i'm well aware that this view is a minority position...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 193 (view)

What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away? Posted: 11/10/2008 5:08:33 PM
...For me, it really depends on the words used, the excitement level and whether someone comes off with confidence and fun versus clingy and desperate. And there is a huge difference... what a wonderful way of expressing it...that makes all the difference to me as well...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

Have you ever gone from a relationship to being just friends? Posted: 11/9/2008 8:30:50 PM
sure...i was thinking that's the way it was for everybody...what!...it's not?

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 174 (view)

What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away? Posted: 11/9/2008 8:21:29 PM
depends on a number of factors... 1. the quality and depth of their initial discussions... 2. some people have high energy and know exactly what they want in their life...so asking for it when they find it seems okay to me... 3. really outgoing people move at light speeds compared to many others...if i'm with someone like that, i'll adjust and go with the flow...we all have the option of saying no...without getting totally freaked out... i had a situation like this happen...i told the woman how much i enjoyed her company but i wasn't at the same decision point she was...we dated 6 more months or so...and it faded slowly away... when it comes to recognizing neediness, i'll usually not go on a second date...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 1253 (view)

Can men and women be friends without sex? Posted: 11/9/2008 8:04:29 PM
of course...and they can be friends after having sex... what's so difficult about that?

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 84 (view)

Kissing, cuddling, hugging, intimacy Posted: 11/9/2008 7:15:08 PM
Why do guys put all of these in their profiles? This is given. Anyone have any thoughts on this?... hmmm, not in my profile either...so, here's my thoughts.... seems to me the target for a ltr is real intimacy...clearly, too many men and women fail to see that because it's not practiced often enough...just as love is not equivalent to sex, intimacy is not directly equivalent to any of the specific behaviors mentioned in this thread...perhaps there's a thread exploring this topic in greater detail... i kiss, cuddle, and hug a number of women around me who i have no intention of having sex with...those are all expressions of the depth of emotions we share...that's where real intimacy lives...and it can also assume sexual dimensions as well... for me, intimacy is about sharing the depth of who and what we are as humans... only two men in my life have ever moved into that very personal space with me...where such deep sharing occurred...and it was limited to hugs and kisses on the cheek... and yet i remember in the 80s when men hugging was a big social no-no...today we do live in much more sane times in so many ways...well, most of the time... on the other hand, such behavior happens all the time with me and the woman i meet... the attraction as friends occurs rapidly...some lead quickly to sex, most do not...i don't specifically pursue them that way...they just happen naturally... over time, some lead to a depth of friendship that fills my heart and validates for me that real intimacy can easily be shared with more than one woman...yet even those nonthreatening expressions of affection challenge some relationships...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 288 (view)

Looking at younger women / girls. Posted: 11/9/2008 6:38:26 PM
...he's a jerk. why? because he knew his wife was there, and he knew it would hurt her feelings. knwoing both of those things makes him a jerk... boy, is that grasping for straws... all we know is that she's watching him look at the two girls pass by...whether he knows in advance that she's offended or not isn't part of the story...we learn of her jealousy but aren't told if he already knows that about his wife... if looking is his only crime, then i vote for acquittal... being a jerk or not is quite another issue...and it looks to me as if the issues to be faced are hers...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 287 (view)

Looking at younger women / girls. Posted: 11/9/2008 6:13:41 PM
...In her mind he shouldn't be looking at a couple of 16 year old girls walking by... this whole thread pretty much weirds me out..."looking" is the only issue...get a grip guys...without more details, we don't have a clue about this man's earlier or later behavior... what we do know is that his wife is pretty jealous of the two girls down the street...beyond that, everything that's been offered by posters is pure speculation... here's a couple of situations from my life that might create as much controversy... 1. when i was in college at age 26, i watched a redheaded girl of nine or ten walk by my house after school many days for the two years i lived in that neighborhood...i had no lust for her, just an appreciation for her flaming hair and youthful beauty... 15 years later, i met dianna in another city, as a member of my alumni group, and we had a four year relationship...took us about 6 months to remember those early years...even today we are lasting friends... we often talked of her being ten...she remembered seeing me as well and thought nothing about it other than just seeing a neighbor... funny how things work out... 2. when i was 35 and married, the woman i've been dating for 1 1/2 years was born...we met 26 years later... we've compared her years of growing up to my comparable years as a adult...we've laughed about them and also marveled at them...never has the issue of being a pervert been raised...yet the facts are there to suggest just that case for those willing to make such "wild conclusions"... why is it always assumed that men are the ones who lust after children...yet several recent legal cases involve respected women doing exactly that same thing... i just don't understand why usually rational people jump to such unjustified conclusions...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history? Posted: 11/6/2008 8:29:09 PM
There is no excuse for no morals... hmmm, morals, huh...i wonder who's view of morality we ought to use?...boy, is that a slippery slope i'd like to avoid...for this woman to confess to a man she obviously trusts, i'm ready to forgive and forget...guess that's not moral enough for some men... And what if she went through a promiscuous stage and didn't get paid??? this is an excellent ---^^^--- comment...i know very few people, both men and women, who didn't go through this phase at sometime in their life...the issue of being paid or not is of no importance to me...she's moved out the other side and that's what matters now...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

She used to do escort. How can I get past this tough time and move past her history? Posted: 11/6/2008 5:08:38 PM
...It totally devastated me inside, but I know it was even more painful time for her. if this was a true statement of your feelings, then your answer is found in it...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

guys am i in love or stuck on stupid? Posted: 11/6/2008 5:02:54 PM
i met this guy on line here, he is great, but has past, wich seems to want comiment from any female he sees? is he for real or am i just wishing way too much? appreciate the advice guys be for real.? ok? op, this may be a serious post, but that little guy rolling on the floor at the end of your message makes the think not... if you'd like to help me out here with a clarification, i'd love to offer a meaningful comment...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Why are you so good to me? Posted: 11/6/2008 4:50:04 PM
wow, a lot of heady stuff being offered here...i'm not referring to any specific post though... lots of good info to consider in how we relate to our partners...i guess over my lifetime, i've spent a good amount time on both sides of those extremes...can't say i enjoyed the needy side of it very much... in the last 20+ years, i've come to recognize how fortunate i've been with the high quality women i've attracted into my life...expressing love usually came easily...even if it was short lived...the unhealthy competition was magically over...sharing as much as possible became the rule... never had the need to possess my partner, except in playfulness...if the sharing waned, we spoke openly about it and didn't see a need to ever "get even" for changing our minds... being "good" to one another was the only thing that mattered...even if it was ending, especially then...being "good" to someone you once loved is my validation that it was real...i do that b/c i don't want any black holes of anger lingering anywhere just outside my fondest memories... so, if being "good" matters to you, then cherish those thoughts/behaviors...one relationship at a time, we're changing the men and women around us...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 79 (view)

Does anyone make LOVE anymore????? Posted: 11/5/2008 1:35:03 PM
It seems that all the feeling is gone out of sex and its "not what can I do for you, but all the things you can do for me" and if you dont then your gone..... that's a bit of a jaded view about sexual relationships... the bottom line here is that we all love to have sex...well, most of us do...the problem occurs when we choose a person who has a different agenda... it's common for both men and women to lie about their intentions...some say they'll stick around but sex is their primary focus...when the conquest is over, they're gone...if you've been there and don't like it, then you need to pay attention to how you're playing the game... it all starts out as just having sex...if the partners choose to play a better game for themselves, even recreational sex can feel so much like making love...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 179 (view)

A man who communicates his feelings... Posted: 11/5/2008 1:14:03 PM
At the end I asked if he felt complete, if that was all. Then I said, "Well I can see that I have transgresssed in so many ways over such a long period that I can't imagine how I can ever redeem myself. I guess I should start looking for another place to live." hmmm, that feels kind of odd to me...sounds as if you were ready to move on...and you used his sharing as a way to expedite that action... upon hearing such words from my honey, i'd see lots of options to explore long before resorting to moving out...i just don't get it...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 285 (view)

Lower body hair. Posted: 11/3/2008 5:30:05 PM
regarding this whole thread, it's interesting to see the wide variety of views...and more than a bit funny to see how anyone would insist on a shaved bush... except for my face, i'm not shaving anything else...did buzz cut my head a few times though...and i prefer women who have hair in places where i expect to see it...trimming is okay...doing the bikini line is okay...having hair there is sexy for me...and sensual... as for legs and pits...i'm cool either way...that's another issue where women ought to get to choose for themselves...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 160 (view)

A man who communicates his feelings... Posted: 11/3/2008 4:31:06 PM
...Once you declare your feelings.. you're then placing an onnus on the receiving party to either reciprocate those feelings or, reject them... ===^^^^=== that's a "right on" statement... over my life, i've had a number of women squirm out of the relationship when we got around to discussing feelings...usually my feelings...i can go fast...i can go slow, so that was rarely the issue...at least from my point of view... that discussion with the current woman in my life went something like this...this is what i want in a relationship...i named about 10 relationship issues that mattered to me...didn't need them all immediately but did want a plan in place to achieve them all over time... she looked startled and then said, "cool. now, this is what matters to me."...over a three week period we negotiated 26 items that became the basis of our relationship...those items became our agreements, and they're still in effect today... so, we each got what we wanted from day one...well, from that point of agreement...we're coming up on 18 months...feels to me as if it's working quite well...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 109 (view)

Women going to bars alone Posted: 11/2/2008 2:47:56 PM
i'm not one of those guys who attributes specific intentions to such behaviors...doing things alone is a skill that many people lack... here's a nice story...one of my prior girl friends was deathly afraid to go out by herself even to the market...we arranged a movie date with dinner before...the catch was that we would arrive for dinner at different times and sit at different tables...after a lot of coaxing, she arrived first...when i arrived, she smiled at me, and as agreed, i sat across the room at another table...i changed things a bit when i sat with my back toward her... later, she sent me a drink and the waiter said she wanted me to sit on the other side of the table so she could see me better...i'm sure he thought i was being picked up, so i kept quiet about our plans...after a lot of flirting from across the room, we did leave together, arm in arm... she was so excited by that evening that we did it again 3-4 more times, and twice it was in a bar...i'd say her confidence rose dramatically and she felt a lot less alone because of those fun games we played... if you really are alone, it can still be fun...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 260 (view)

When someone has artist as their profession..... Posted: 10/26/2008 8:31:00 AM
...What a silly small minded comment. There are many successful artists in the world... perhaps reading more than the first and the last page of this thread would have been helpful here...and from a man who declines to state a profession, offers a very lean profile, information wise, and except for interests in architecture and literature, whatever that means, appears to have no connection to the arts... hmmm, looks like that was your 2nd post...i suggest your comment is mostly a sad projection... my "small minded comment" arises from passions that drove me as early as eight years old to write poetry when my friends were out playing sports...and those "silly" comments flowed directly from my own personal experience of the intense challenges i faced following and staying focused on the arts... i know hundreds of successful artists all around the world...some are my closest friends...many tell the same "silly" story i told...the walls in my house are filled with fine art...a passion for art has driven me for 50+ years...so, i'm commenting from a bit of direct personal knowledge...and i'm more than a little puzzled by your reckless comment... still, if you're ever in my part of the world, we can walk down the hall to my home gym and pump some iron...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 258 (view)

When someone has artist as their profession..... Posted: 10/25/2008 9:12:45 PM
i understand why so many women are skeptical about getting involved with artists...the process is not pretty...for most, it's lengthy, your struggle seems endless, and you live way outside the norm... in my college years, i remember finding all the fruit trees in my small town where i could pick fruit from the sidewalk...sounds funny today yet back them i was just finding food to eat...most of the time, i had permission to pick from the trees...but not always... and i carried my paint tubes and brushes in a canvas bag...sure, i studied calculus and accounting but my deepest love was found in the arts...whether it was charcoal, water color washes, or oil, i did them all...i gave everything away...that was my inner view of what artists did... i probably had 200+ jobs in four years back then...mostly the ones that no one else wanted...i planned to be an architect only because there was so much art involved in the day to day projects...ended up with a degree in urban planning...never worked a day in my life in that field... those were confusing years for me...torn between earning a living to have money in the bank and feeling empty because my deeper passions were not being met...earning a living won that battle... as i matured, found my inner compass, and developed the strength to steer by it, i came back not to the visual arts but the literary ones...if you do anything long enough, you'll eventually get it right... those years were more than a bit challenging for the women around me...a few remained friends for the whole ride...a few became friends along the way...those lingering women possessed the qualities i eventually settled on when seeking new partners... being with an artist of any type can be difficult for most women...there's long hours of staying focused on a project...there's those lingering days of figuring things out about your art that make most people a bit crazy...we speak the same language but seldom with the same meanings as those around us... those who've loved artists know the challenges...still, few would suggest it was a totally terrible ride...well, maybe with the bipolar ones...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 264 (view)

should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship Posted: 10/25/2008 9:11:03 AM
Frankly Im 40 now...and I dont even find 50 yr old men as a general rule attractive. WHEN Im 50, Im sure I will I like guys give or take a few yrs either side of my own age (my ex hubby was 2 yrs younger). At 40 yrs of age now...lower end Id go probably is 35...upper to max 50...but they better not look like my father. clearly, way older or way younger men don't appeal to you...that's cool...and you express your preferences about age quite well... seems like you're also okay when someone does choose preferences outside your boundaries...to me, that's how things ought to be...as adults, whatever we choose, as long as it pleases both people, ought to be okay... yet sadly, for some people that's just too much to ask...this one and a couple other threads here have shown that over and over...thanks for being supportive...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 252 (view)

When someone has artist as their profession..... Posted: 10/25/2008 8:39:12 AM
===^^^^^^=== you will be...just keep doing what you love most...everything will flow from that... and simply be the fantastic man/artist some woman is dying to meet... if you're at all like me and most of the artists i know, you are very romantic...and your biggest delight is in charming your woman until she melts magically into your life...go guy!! ps...and you said you're not good at magic...i'm betting just the opposite is true...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

I thought He was my soulmate Posted: 10/25/2008 8:19:51 AM
===^^^^^^^=== a bit cynical yet perhaps holds more than a little truth...after all, truth is found only in the believing... for many reasons, most relationships don't last...and i'm clueless for a single reason as to why they fail in such numbers...the best of those who fail simply transition into something better for each party...still, these are rare as well... of course, i have friends still in their first marriage after several decades...privately most are not all that happy...yet still they seek to make it work...who am i to say they should move on... finding a soulmate is a good image to hold for the ideals you seek in your mate...being clear on what matters to you is very important...because some just engage in serial dating with whomever shows interest...because heaven forbid they'll be alone on friday and saturday night...okay, that's a bit dramatic but not all that far off for some women i've known...i'm sure the same is true for some guys too... so, if holding an image of your soulmate enhances your single life, i say go for it...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Will I ever get over him??? Posted: 10/23/2008 8:18:12 PM
...I know It's time to get my shit together and move on, trust me I'm really trying here, I don't want to feel like this anymore.... it's been a while since this thread was started...i hope progress has been made... the answer is right in your profile..."...love like you've never been hurt!!"

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

I thought He was my soulmate Posted: 10/23/2008 5:34:40 PM
sounds as if you benefited greatly from this relationship, in personal and perhaps spiritual growth...stay focused on how you have been enhanced by this man...and then get yourself prepared for the next man in your life...you have way more to share with him now than when you were 16... you can do a search here on PoF and find many members who sought/seek soulmates and were later disappointed...just find a man who loves you today...plan and be aware but let tomorrow take care of itself...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

BF suddenly freaked out Posted: 10/23/2008 5:16:06 PM
...My heart isn’t feeling very good either! I want to give them both the benefit of the doubt and say they are just scared of commitment... the commitment "excuse" must have been invented by a male psychotherapist...hey, i know it's in all the psych textbooks and we've believed it for generations now...i say it is total horse s**t...here's why i think that... men commit to the things that benefit them...sex is our biggest motivator...a number of other factors are also attractive, and we'll hang around to also get them...if the man is clear on what he wants in life, he'll usually stay put in that relationship...and won't usually change his mind unless the situation changes in some often unknown way... women see things in lots of detail (i did everything he asked of me...i did so and so, and then i did ... [the list goes on and on])...am i wrong here, ladies? it's usually a well-defined chapter and verse of what happened... men see things as general statements (she was never there for me [meaning she didn't do so and so...that's the end of his story])...most men need more practice when it comes to expressing their feelings...this one fact means most women will not get the answers they seek... the bottom line here is that when either partner gets fed up enough...things go down hill rapidly...and the breakup is near... so, it's really not about commitment...and if the truth was fully known, it's about something that's completely insignificant...and that's the best reason to not be worrying about it...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 47 (view)

BF suddenly freaked out Posted: 10/23/2008 4:49:46 PM
...Suddenly this week (after dating 3 1/2 months) he freaked out and told me he couldn't be in a relationship now by email no less. This happened after 3 days of crazy email and texts that were somewhat out of character for him... OP, this is a situation where you don't want to be as freaked out as he was...you actually spoke the truth in one of your other posts..."he doesn't want to have a relationship with you"...i don't say that in a negative way...it's just the only truth you can find in this situation... even as a guy, his actions make no sense to me...i've read your profile...don't lose a minutes sleep over this guy...just take a few days to regroup, and get back into the game...stop trying to figure anything out...you are a good woman, yes...then nothing else matters... in dating, you'll be kissing a lot of frogs...some will be totally disgusting when they remove their mask...both men and women are capable of doing what he did to their prospective life partners...it's just part of the game...sad but true... you are not diminished by what he did, only by whatever you might have done...and here it seems like you played everything fairly...any good man you reads this will not think any less of you... take a deep breath...close your eyes and envision the next even better man arriving in your life...savor those thoughts a moment...open your eyes, and shout, NEXT!

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 87 (view)

It's been one week of seeying each other and now the first sleepover.... Posted: 10/21/2008 3:41:58 PM
...I couldn't of asked for a better time! We even talked about him coming back over this weekend... that's great to hear...i was a bit concerned for you...i'm pleased when people get what they want... will you be keeping us posted as the relationship grows?

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 201 (view)

Does a woman sending nude pictures or getting naked on a webcam before meeting means sex on the firs Posted: 10/21/2008 3:29:22 PM
I would not assume that it what it means. I think, if it were a man, however, that that is definitely what it means. Do I have a double standard? I guess so. with limited info about the person's intention, we all might have double standards...to me, both men and women use nude pics to get someone's attention...what they plan to do with that attention is the question...some will act quickly...some will not... other factors need to be considered as well...the pics are just a first step on that first date...lots of deal breakers between there and having sex...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Getting responses ... just not from the right kind of people Posted: 10/19/2008 10:45:34 AM
Get used to it ... I'd guess about 90% of the people who contact you only check out your pix then contact you without reading a single line of your profile... boy, isn't that the truth...i got much better matches before adding a photo...now, it doesn't matter...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 236 (view)

When someone has artist as their profession..... Posted: 10/18/2008 7:48:26 PM
...I am appalled at the ignorance some people have about artists... while i don't earn a living with paint and brush or a camera, i have provided very well for myself in the literary arts...no, i'm not famous yet either...i'm thinking that's just a matter of time though... i have four published works...three are optioned for movies...we're currently working toward a green light on one of them...i have seven projects in the pipeline...and that's just the stuff i'm willing to talk about publicly... all of my real estate is free and clear...i pay cash for new vehicles...i have no credit card debt...who else can say that...i've been known to take 3-4 vacations a year of 2-6 weeks each, because i can write anywhere in the world... so, all you people who are bashing my brother and sister artists have a lot to learn about the world before you go pointing a finger at those just getting started or still struggling...they may work at a diner now, but before their life is done, they will have lived a much richer life than most people can imagine... if you don't want that kind of life that's cool...not everybody can be an artist...or love one...just say no thank you and leave them alone...oh, and did i mention that i'm also at that soup kitchen...as a volunteer...and a financial supporter... so, guys...give it a rest...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 197 (view)

Does a woman sending nude pictures or getting naked on a webcam before meeting means sex on the firs Posted: 10/18/2008 7:17:38 PM
...If a woman sends a guy semi-nude or erotic pictures...is it logical for that guy to assume she is going to be easy to get into bed... not really... i have a good woman friend who wanted erotic pics of herself for when the time arose on internet dating...i spent half a day snapping every kind of naked shot of her we could imagine...there must have been 200+ and she kept about 20... she posted two on an x-rated site...didn't like the response and took them down...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 203 (view)

When Meeting someone what is the first thing you look notice? Posted: 10/18/2008 6:47:47 PM
the quality of a woman's smile matters to me...without that in one of her pics i'm considering leaving... next, she has to have a descriptive view of herself that i can visualize from her profile...the more she owns her own life, the more she excites me...loving your own life is very important...just saying it is not enough...demonstrate it to me... if both of those things are missing, i'm gone...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 55 (view)

Question re Undecided/Open about having children Posted: 10/18/2008 6:24:31 PM
It means that they might have kids with the right person in the right situation. ditto...that was easy...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 49 (view)

Are there any good men left? Posted: 10/18/2008 6:09:50 PM
boy, what a tough thread to get through... i fell asleep twice, then i realized i was reading a comedy...no, wait a second...it's mystery, right...no, it's a...hmmm...let me think about it a little more...oh, s**t, i give up... can anyone explain what's happening in this thread?

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

It's been one week of seeying each other and now the first sleepover.... Posted: 10/18/2008 11:11:11 AM
...or it could be a night of bad sex and no relationship... good point... i'm of the opinion that bad sex is hard to find...average is easy to find...and i'm not too impressed with receiving that either...still, i'm be hard pressed to call any of it bad... however, if the OP is not have a fun time tonight...if he's not pleasing her long before penetration, then she ought to end it and send him home...no matter how far he has to drive... so, listen up, sweetie...if the foreplay is minimal or nonexistent or clumsy...put on the brakes...and go back to playing monopoly because that's a big clue that it's time to look elsewhere...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

It's been one week of seeing each other and now the first sleepover.... Posted: 10/18/2008 10:19:00 AM
okay, it's time for a guys opinion... you're obviously very interested in this man...keep that enthusiasm and just go with the flow wherever it takes you tonight...you sound like a woman who thinks for herself and makes good decisions...the fact that you're here discussing it tells me that you seek a good outcome for yourself and your potential new honey... over my life, i've had sex with many women on the first date and the relationship flourished from there...some who withheld sex until later demonstrated qualities that made the relationship go south really quickly...of course, there are exceptions to each of those observations... here's my view on when you ought to have sex the first time...when your whole body and being tells you it's time...when the moment is exactly right for you, jump head first into creating a totally fantastic experience in that beautiful shared space... let the next morning take care of itself whenever it arrives...if he leaves and dumps you, then he's a f*ing jerk...and you'll be better off w/out him...if he stays and seeks to build a relationship with you, then you'll have had a beautiful, star-studded first night as a foundation... so, either way you'll benefit...a night of great sex and no relationship...or a night of great sex and a great relationship...what's not to love about that... i know women don't like anyone thinking they are too loose...forget about that horse st...your sex life is your business and having a rewarding one often means you'll be kissing a lot of frogs over your life...and have sex that seems like it was a mistake... at 21, you have many life experiences yet to face...seems as if you have a really great attitude about your life now... let me tell you a story...i met my honey on a different site in the spring of 07...in a nutshell, we both worked long hours and indirectly we were both looking for a bootie call...i'm giving it to you straight here...(admitting that you want sex is a natural thing to seek...many in society just don't get that)...we spent three weeks exchanging emails only...maybe 4-5 per day...sometimes very long ones...no phone calls either... later she told me she was ready for that first sleepover after the first few days...finally, we met in person and it was magic from the very first second...2-3 nights a week became 4-7...within two months we were saying i love you in every other sentence... we still don't live together, it's just sleepovers...we live about 35 miles apart...it's now been 1 1/2 years...she's looking over my shoulder as i write this... so, while you might end up with a total loser...just the opposite is also likely...with this new info, i'm betting that you'll make the right decision tonight... if it ends up being fabulous, we'll celebrate with you tomorrow...if it's a disaster, we'll let you cry a while, and then teach you to say, "next"...until you have the relationship that fills up your heart in the way that pleases you most...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

Would you leave him if he is impotent? Posted: 10/18/2008 9:16:17 AM
...Now that I can go and go and go just like the little battery rabbit. I cant seem to find a woman that will even take any interest at all. Some even get mad at me when I tell them what I have... well, that's a no-brainer...don't tell them...excuse yourself to the bathroom...do what needs to be done and come out with everything ready for business... ...I fell better about myself now that I have ever... i think that's fantastic...way to go, dude... ...I cant seem to find a woman that will even take any interest at all... now that ED and PE are not issues, perhaps how you approach your women and interact with them is part of the new issues you are facing...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Profile review please? Posted: 10/17/2008 8:28:13 PM
...if you don`t mind me snagging your suggestion verbatim... that's cool...it's my gift to you... you did a really great job of improving those other two paragraphs as well...i'm thinking that your profile is now quite descriptive of how you fit into the world around you... now, your mission is to search for PoF men who appeal to you and drop them a quick note of appreciation about their profile...no come ons...keep it short and sweet...focus only on what appeals to you about them...some will respond...some will simply not get it... i'll send you a message as an example of what i'm talking about here...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

Would you leave him if he is impotent? Posted: 10/17/2008 5:42:12 PM
...If however, once I have fallen in love, made a commitment and moved forward with my life with a new partner if faced with the same situation, I probably will do the same thing and stand by my man... your post was heartwarming to read...so was your profile...i was taught early in life about honor and integrity...today, i need to look hard to find it around me...thank you, doctor, for being such a woman...you have my best wishes in pursuing chapter 2...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

Would you leave him if he is impotent? Posted: 10/17/2008 5:26:17 PM
...what medicines are out there today that can give a diabetic back all the lost libido that has been stripped from them... i'm no doctor...my diet has been vegetarian for 27 1/2 years...diabetes is rampant in my family for last two generations...i'm the only one without symptoms...i know it's diet related... dr barry sears founder of the "zone diet" authored a book, "the age-free zone"...it describes how he regularly reverses diabetes...the whole process for creating the disease and a number of studies, plus the stats, are included in the book...otherwise, it's a pretty tough book to read...good luck with your situation...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

Would you leave him if he is impotent? Posted: 10/17/2008 5:13:30 PM
...The doctor put him on Levitra too. But, he does not take them because he gets a headache... viagra gave me a headache too...i kept exploring options and discovered testosterone cream did the job with no side effects...and the cream affects much more than erections...it's my only prescription...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Profile review please? Posted: 10/17/2008 4:36:05 PM
wow!...that's a 1000% improvement...you did very good with making it more informative and a bit friendlier...paragraphs 4, 5, and 7 can use a bit more work... #4...try this as a starter..."hints about my other interests are listed above, if any of them also interest you, then let's explore them together..." #5...to expand on what you suggest...perhaps focus on being friends first...for now you sound unsure about your intentions...it just needs to be a bit smoother... #7...needs a total rework...appearance is only one factor in a relationship...and certainly not the most important...now, list what else is important... you'd done great so far...keep up the fabulous work... ps...since i'm also a writer, i might have contacted you, not for a date but to see what your writing interests were...if you really want friends, you might want to relax your email settings...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 240 (view)

should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship Posted: 10/17/2008 5:58:39 AM
...I haven't beaten or thrashed anybody with my opinion... i know you didn't...i referred to others in somewhat of a general way...didn't mean to imply any such thing about you...your post was well-reasoned in my view...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Profile review please? Posted: 10/16/2008 8:59:12 PM
since i first saw your profile, it's improved greatly...lots of good advice has been offered...i'm thinking you're going to get more of the kinds of responses you seek... with all this feedback, you've been a great sport about receiving it...way to go...

notjustanotherguy

Joined: 6/11/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

sooo confused about guy's behavior - please help Posted: 10/16/2008 6:40:00 PM
...time for someone to man up... i get that.. the man who'll eventually connect well with you, probably doesn't know it yet...so, you still have to continue doing your part...

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