Is it common to be bothered by this chat & forums.

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c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Is it common to be bothered by this Posted: 11/22/2009 10:17:30 AM
I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill and second guessing not only him, but yourself as well. You mentioned cooking him dinner, and that is a great way to open up, invite him over, be assertive enough to take charge of that date and time. Once there with you, I bet you will be able to tell if he is really interested or not. What a great time to open up equal communications over a bottle of wine, good meal cooked by you, and maybe some quality alone time together. If you do this and he does not open up, or does not call you to thank you and invite you out for the next date, you have your answer. cd...........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Conscience Bothering Me Posted: 11/21/2009 3:58:06 PM
Does it really matter now? If he mentions something about it, then go into it more, or when he sees the scar on your knee, you have a whole new way to experience foreplay..... cd........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 106 (view)

Men over 45 who dye their hair Posted: 11/21/2009 3:48:57 PM
wishn4........You would actually consider a girl of 18 as being viable for you at 58? You would not consider viable any woman over 50, even though they would be younger than you are? Many of us still live an active lifestyle and enjoy adventures, but really, come on now, no matter how much you dye your hair, if an 18 year old girl thinks you are viable, she has even more problems than you do. I too, search for active women to share my activities, but I would never consider an 18 year old when I could have those much closer to may age, that look just as good, are in shape, and have all those life experiences I so much prefer to have around me......PLUS......More than likely, they will be dying their hair as well.......so, much more tit for tat, and as I remember.....I enjoy attractive, fit, and experienced tits and tats........ OT.......If no one notices, then it is good, but if everyone does, you would be better off gray. cd.........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Baseball Caps, Pecs and Six-Packs, Sexual monikers Posted: 11/21/2009 9:30:50 AM
Yep!!! Had to check, and I thought you were about my mothers age...... What you speak of can be from both of the genders, and what I have seen, is that some can wear about anything very nicely, and others will look bad no matter what they wear. Taste is in the eye of the beholder, and can vary from wearing nothing to being totally dressed to the "nines"........did that one for you OP!!!!..... cd........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 71 (view)

How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date Posted: 11/20/2009 3:06:18 PM
I have had a few women call me up and ask me to take them riding because they wanted to be out and about and wanted to spend some time with me. Once out and riding, some of those women seem to expect me to pay for the drinks when we stopped to enjoy the patio bar, and to pay for dinner if we were not done yet with our ride and time together. There has to be a happy medium here when dating and spending time together. It is not about being able to afford to pay, it is about being taken advantage of when there is no reason to do so. It is very similar to when I offer to take someone to the airport which is about 40 miles from where I live, because they need a ride. Most people will offer to give you some money for gas, which most times I never accept. BUT if they ask me if I am available to take them time after time, and pick them up, and seldom if ever do it for me, I start to feel used, abused, and will not offer anymore. It becomes much more the principle of it all and not the money, even though date after date that ends up costing you $50 to $100 or more, and you both make about the same amount of money, and the dates are for the most part mutual because the two of you are wanting to be with each other, can bother you. If I am dating that person often and have to do all the inviting, all the planning, and all the paying, that person is taking advantage of me, and I stop even trying. If my dates do not show a willingness to be my equal, and date me as much as I date them, they end up wondering where I went and why. cd..........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

How do I know hes real soulmate, even with our differences? Posted: 11/20/2009 2:14:56 PM
If you are worth it, he will understand, and if he is worth it, you will as well. Compromise is the key to most things, as long as open communications occur. If you feel a certain way, and have certain expectations, why not just sit down and tell him, listen to him, and then decide together what is acceptable and what is not? This man is a two time loser when it comes to marriage and you have never gone down that path, so it seems to me that maybe you might know better than he does about what will work, and what will not. Either way, I would not consider marriage at all unless you are talking about having children, or raising either of your small children. To many, to often, confuse real love and understanding with the newness and pleasure of infatuation, and to know the difference takes experience, time, energy, and the willingness to take it slow enough to find out. So, do that, and if he is not willing. run baby run. cd.........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Is this a sure fire way to get rid of someone? Posted: 11/20/2009 11:27:40 AM
She sounds like a "keeper" to me.......NOT!!........... What ever happened to just telling him that it is not working and either we are friends and nothing more, or we are a memory that we can think about years down the road? Why would anyone want to be with someone that does not feel the same way and want them? How selfish and insecure can the both of you get? Honesty can be hard on the weak, but I truly believe that it is the best policy, and while I may use tact with how I say things, I seldom leave any doubt about what I said. cd.........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 60 (view)

How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date Posted: 11/20/2009 11:13:08 AM
Saying "I like to go dutch" is as tacky as bringing up paying the bill equally. It really is not hard to fix, if both really want to be equals....... I invite you out and I pay, and you invite me out and you pay. The other way to equalize much of this, if some feel uncomfortable with who pays in public, is to have me pay when we are out, and you invite me over and cook the meal and plan all of the social setting at your place, and then offer to do the same at mine after our next date out. What is happening now becomes very frustrating for many of us with all the mixed signals sent by to many, to often. I can not tell you how it affects me when the women I am with tell me how much they have fought to be equals, and want equality in the job market, and society, and then in next breath, say how "traditional" they are when it comes to dating. They want the man to call and ask them out, they want the man to plan the date, pick them up, pay for it and make it all "special". To ask these things and every so often make a slight effort to offer to buy you a drink, or pay for something, makes most of us feel even worse and very small, which forces us to insist on paying for it all. A true equal WILL make sure that things are equal, and it does not have to be discussed at all until you are in a true exclusive long term relationship when living together, or taking trips, vacations, etc. become the norm. It amazes me when I get those emails or phone conversations about why I am not pursuing them more, or being traditional, since that is what they expect, and I have to tell them that I am far from traditional when it comes to equality, and if I have to ask for that, it will not happen. I have been on many dates with women that they expected me to drive to their place, pick them up, or meet them at their convenience, wine and dine them, open doors, stand when they enter or leave, pay for it all, and then wonder what happened when I stopped calling or spending my time because they never intended on making it equal. If you make close to what I do, and you have close to what I have material wise, and you want to be treated as an equal wherever you go, you can not change and all of a sudden become traditional when it comes to dating. The "I want more than you do" comment, usually comes from those women that want to be considered an equal, until it relates to courtship, and then they think they want more, because they perceive you as giving less when you refuse to play that game......and it is a game. cd........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 107 (view)

How do you older women feel about a younger guy in a relationship Posted: 11/20/2009 10:14:57 AM
That is why I have "long term" health care!!!!! But then again, what do I know........it would be very hard to have a relationship with anyone that allowed themselves to have a "saggy ass and saggy tits" and not do something to try to fix it...... OT........The range of ages of those that I work out with, run with, ride with, on and on, is quite vast, and for the most part, the only way to know where they all fall on the calendar, is to ask them. There are those that are older than I am, and look much much younger, and those younger that look much much older, so why worry about what you can not fix, and fix what you can???? cd...........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Canceled our first date.. Posted: 11/20/2009 10:09:38 AM
Making real what is just a fantasy is never a "needy" function, but much more of a "reality" one. Sabs brings up a great point that I overlooked, but would have thought as well, if you called me and asked "what was really up"? Trick me once, shame on you, trick me twice, shame on me!!! cd.........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Canceled our first date.. Posted: 11/20/2009 9:56:53 AM
Insist on the "meet and greet" and if he does not comply, you have your answer. Why waste all that time and energy on the computer, phone, texting, etc., and you have no real idea if you are compatible or not? If all you want is a "pen pal", continue to do what you are doing, but if you truly want to meet and find out, get off the phone, and computer, and meet the man. cd.........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

Male ED Posted: 11/20/2009 9:36:44 AM
Awareness that contributes to desire to fix what may be wrong with a little pill.......It is called "advertisement"........ I laugh at all the commercials bringing to our attention, things we never even considered, and looked at fixing the symptoms and not the disease. How many of us even knew about "restless leg syndrome", or "depression" drugs for every occasion, along with "artery clearing" pills that will do what a brisk walk will, or "high blood pressure" pills when losing 30 pounds would have the effect, or "high cholesterol" medication that going on a diet, eating more fruits and veggies, and exercising more would accomplish the same thing.....on and on. Shall we continue on with "sex addicts" that have that compulsion, "anxiety' medications to help you get up, speed up, slow down, sleep better, cope better, on and on. All of these things have existed for as long as men and women have been here, but instead of dealing with it naturally, we have enjoyed the wonderful quick fix that makes it much easier for us in the short term, and much more money for the companies that make the medications. Do all these things exist? Of course, but maybe not as advertised and maybe, just maybe, what has happen is "convenience" instead of what we did before, just like the "cell phone" has made it much more convenient to be one place and in contact with another, instead of getting up and meeting them. It comes down to choices, and most will choose the easiest way, but not necessarily the best way to fix what is wrong, and this goes as well for "ED". cd..........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Curious - mothers who don't have their kids Posted: 11/19/2009 3:18:10 PM
Wouldn't it be nice if a time actually came when it did not matter who had the kids, because it was all equal, in and out of the courts, and the kids were happy to be with both parents equally......... Unlike many, I fought long and hard to make sure that my son was always close and with me as much as with his mother. I even had it put in the divorce papers that neither his mother, nor I, could leave the school district, area, state, etc. until our son was 18 and graduated from high school. I gave up quite a bit to make sure that he stayed in the home he knew best, and that the other home he enjoys was within two miles of each other, in order to make sure that there were no excuses for equal parenting. If you are going to bring children into this world, you should take care of them in all ways until they are adults, even if some think men can not do that properly, or the court system favors women when it comes to custody. I say rise to occasion, and never judge before you know what the true reasons are, and hopefully all children with be in the hands of both parents equally. cd........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

Why can't I just move on? Posted: 11/19/2009 3:01:27 PM
OP.....I have a friend that I have considered a friend that I cared about, had feelings for and enjoyed along with her husband for 20+ years. Because she is married, my choice was to keep her close by making sure that ALL I was and will continue to be, is a friend. I am a welcome visitor to their home, do many things with her husband and the two of them, and marvel at what a wonderful person she is, they are, and our friendship has become. My only other option would have been to avoid her, and leave her out of my network of those that I care about, which I considered a lose lose situation for the both of us. There are a few women that I know, and would enjoy knowing in a much deeper, and romantic way, but for whatever reason, life is not allowing that, so I keep them as nothing more than friends, and enjoy them from afar. Why not try that and keep your heart and hands off this man, and enjoy him for what he is........a friend that you do not want to lose. cd..........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

Love and being in love Posted: 11/19/2009 1:19:01 PM
Or maybe, just maybe, she has been hurt many times or hard enough that her heart has found a way to protect itself, and not let if fall "in love" again? I can tell you this, I love a good bottle of wine, and get excited to enjoy and share it with another.........I love the wind in my face as I travel to new places on my bike and experience another adventure.........I love being on top of the mountain looking over as far as the eye can see...........I love what it does to me, when I have that special person in my arms, in my life, and yes, in my bed, but all of this and much more.......still means that I love but am not "in love" with any of it. There can also be that unconditional love of a child or family member, but you are not "in love" with them at all, and finally, there is conditional love that either grows or diminishes depending on the two people involved, and how they relate to each other, on many levels. So, I believe that you can love, be kind, considerate, and caring, but still not be "in love" with another in your life, and it is better to explain that to them right from the start. cd........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 78 (view)

I have zero experience with older men. Posted: 11/19/2009 1:08:27 PM
Men will not "always" try to blame women for their short comings, and you know that as well as I do. And......never say "short" to an horny older man who thinks you are causing his lack of being able to keep it where you want it to be........ OT.......I do not blame women for any of my problems, other than my mother for not being there when I needed her as a child, my sisters for not helping me with their friends; my ex for not being the wife she could have been; my past relationships for not trying harder.....on and on...... I think the best thing to do is look in the mirror, be realistic, and see if you offer what you expect, and that includes being healthy enough to get hard, stay hard, and perform well enough that they just might want to come back for more and more........just not every 10 minutes......PLEASE.....huffs and puffs as I leave the room!! cd........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

What should I do about this....? Posted: 11/19/2009 11:13:01 AM
Agreed!! Call him to let him know how sorry you are, and then send a card expressing your feelings with a short note, that anything he might need to get through this, to please give you a call, and you will be there for him. Many of us are very private when it comes to family, and if I want you around, I will let you know, and it has nothing to do with our relationship, but much more to do with how I grieve. Think about it. cd.......

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

what advise i give my friend Posted: 11/19/2009 10:23:58 AM
Sounds so high school to me........ Texting to much to anyone is a big red flag, just as it is to get mad over and over at small things. If I did not know better, I would think that I am talking to my son when he was a teen........go figure Time to grow up and act like an adult. cd...........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Blast from the past - Ex's Posted: 11/18/2009 9:49:38 AM
Usually it means that one is not over the other, and that can weave a web of despair for a very long time. We all have gone through those relationships where we still care, but the one we care for has decided to move on for many reasons, and we feel hurt about it. When this happens, if we are not totally secure within ourselves, if they work their way in and out of our lives, we have a tendency to accept it, until we are ready to move on as well. Some never want to give up their conquests, and come back to the herd when they see others maybe trying to steal their females, and others just want to go from woman to woman and then back again. You should know who you are picking as a potential relationship and sleeping partner, and leave those alone that are not healthy enough to treat you the way you want to be treated and the way you want to treat others. Good luck. cd........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Just Curious Posted: 11/17/2009 11:41:26 AM
Any time, and any place that a woman is assertive and will let you know her interest, is always appropriate and appreciated by many of us. cd........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 52 (view)

Silent Sex Posted: 11/17/2009 11:37:51 AM
Very funny..... The only time that the "mime" routine should happen, is when that is necessary given where you are at, or who may be around you. If you two are in your sleeping bag after hiking all day with friends, and want to enjoy that screw under all those stars, but not wake anyone up, it can be interesting to see how you get that done silently. If you are in one room during a party and you found a good place to enjoy that seduction, but do not want to make sure all can find you, or walk in, being silent can be the best way, and add to that whole "let's see if we can and not be caught" game. I am all for moans, groans, noise, and talking during sex, but sometimes just being silent and letting your body be your voice, can be sexy as well. cd.........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

I have zero experience with older men. Posted: 11/17/2009 10:01:20 AM
Time to gain some experience with older men me thinks. Date and enjoy about four or five of them as your next relationships, see how they are in and out of bed, and I bet you find that most will do great, in fact surprise you with how good they are making love. I have some friends that are barely 40 and have problems, and others that are into their 60's and leave their women with a smile on their faces every time. We all know that many many men will have this specific problem if they are not active, in shape, and not thinner. This is not as much age related, as it is condition related. There is one huge factor here that needs to be addressed. Most women your age OP, are much better in bed, and enjoy sex so much more then those women half your age, and that can be intimidating to many of us trying to keep up with you...... I have always stated and will continue to yell from the mountain tops, that an attractive woman, in shape, and wanting sex as much as you do, that is 40 +, will in almost all cases, run circles around their 20 something counterparts. OT.......Enjoy who you are with, and do not worry about their age as much as you should enjoy your compatibility. cd.......

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

why if he stopped calling he acts interested? Posted: 11/16/2009 3:07:53 PM
He is waiting to see how you act now, and if you will take the lead and pursue him some. Nothing right or wrong about it, but many men get tired of being the ones to do all the pursuing, all the calling, all the date planning, on and on, and just want to see what a woman will do to make it happen or not. I do not know all the transpired in this short amount of time, but if you are going to bed those that work at your hang out, you must be prepared to know and deal with all the fall out from that. Maybe you should have taken a little more time getting to know this guy before sleeping with him, and finding out the quality of his character along with all those other things necessary to know BEFORE sleeping with another. If you think that he is worth it, and the sex was great, call him, tell him so, and set a time for him to eat dinner at your place and take more time to know each other better, and when right, know where he stands, you stand, and if he can keep his mouth shut no matter what happens. cd........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 161 (view)

Why Do Men Think All Women Like Their 12 Inchers????? Posted: 11/16/2009 2:31:50 PM
Just wishful thinking on the part of some men who need a reality check and a ruler that is truly a ruler and not a mindset or one that is measuring in centimeters and not inches............. If either a man or woman brings up the size of the penis without trying it out first, they are rude, crude, and not rational. For some women, there can never be large enough, and for other women, anything over average is to much to enjoy. It becomes a matter of fit, and that can vary as much as the number of partners you have had, or will have in your life time. If there are no complaints from either side, enjoy the ride, and if there are, find out how to fix it or move on. I can tell you that just as the size of a mans penis can vary quite a bit, so can the size and tightness of a woman's vagina, and what works for some, will not for others, and bringing it up for debate becomes a delusional ego statement fishing for either compliments or information. Find out the best way.......naturally!!! cd.........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 67 (view)

Tolerance with age? Posted: 11/16/2009 9:11:13 AM
For me, age and maturity has blurred the lines of what was once black and white, to all types of gray. I believe that the price for democracy is tolerance, and that transfers to the price of being single and wanting others in your life as you live it. There are many more times now that I take a step back and think before I act, and listen before I speak, and that has as much to do with life experiences, as it does with all else that makes us who we are as we mature. cd.....

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

Should I check him out? Will you? Posted: 11/16/2009 9:06:07 AM
Do not check up on him......that has stalker written all over it. Leave him a voice mail explaining your concern for his health, and that you will say more in an email, and for him to please check. Write him an email explaining your concerns, and asking him to please help you understand his actions, but do not do the blame game. Give him the option to either email you or call, and to let you know if he wants his things or not, and then let it go. The best thing is to roll the ball back to his court and see if he is going to play, or take his ball and leave. While waiting, move on with your life as if he already took his ball and left the court. cd......

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 53 (view)

Have relationships made you bitter? Posted: 9/20/2009 9:26:00 AM
Bitter.....no.......Frustrated.......absolutely!! Let me put it this way..........Think of how you feel when you have a car that is no longer functioning properly, and all you do is spend time and money trying to fix it and keep it running, so you know it is now time to look for a new car. Are you bitter about the old car breaking down? Maybe, if it is newer, not paid for yet, or you spent a fortune trying to maintain it, but over all frustration is what you feel. You were hoping to have that car for a much longer time, spent the time and money to keep it up to date and running smoothly, and yet, it keeps breaking down, so you head out and search for what you need. That search can be very difficult indeed with deciding on a new car, or a used one, what kind you want, compared to what kind you need, and in the end, do you really need one at all? Now, the search will include friends, family, dealerships, advertisements, public and private offerings, on and on, and what happens is a level of frustration as you try your best to get what you want and need. So many models, so many choices, so many desires, and in the end, what it comes down to, is being in the right place, at the right time, with all the right conditions, that you can not only afford that choice, but enjoy it as well.........and hope that you made the right decision, and that this one lasts a long long time. So, bitter no, frustrated yes.........and in the end, after all the smoke and mirrors are dealt with, what it ends up being.......the best shopper, that has the time, money, and energy, to find that right fit........and until then.........."lease"........... Just my opinion.........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 26 (view)

mixed messages Posted: 9/19/2009 9:02:18 AM
So........Maybe he just needs and enjoys his space, and feels smothered when with someone to long, and not ready for that? Maybe he likes to be with you, but does not love you, so, he heads back to where his love is at, and that is his son, and his home, and his relationship being a single father with a family. Maybe you want more then he is willing or able to give, at this time, shall I continue? If you are getting your needs met, and enjoy what is, keep him........and if not, when the space is offered, take it, and find others to to fill that space, time, desires, and needs you have. Life is to short to wonder about things all the time, and takes some courage on your part to enjoy what is there, and accept what is happening, why, and with whom, and if not satisfied, move on to the next adventure......... Just my opinion..........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Am I assuming correctly?? Posted: 9/18/2009 10:35:51 AM
OP.......If you told me that "I had to EARN my way in", you would be stood up as well............ My guess is that he is "in" with others, and when not, he thinks about you as the drinking continues, and the time gets later and later.......sorry.....you asked for reality, and you got reality. Just my opinion........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

take it as it comes Posted: 9/18/2009 10:31:56 AM
Means that "I like you but am not sure how much">>>>>>>> Just my opinion........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

intercourse but not oral sex Posted: 9/18/2009 10:14:40 AM
I find that hard to believe as well......but maybe it is just her personal life that is 90% denied?????........ By the way, the solution to that problem would be to tease that man some, say do me, and once done, you can now do him......but for some reason, I find that most women enjoy being in charge and showing how much they like to please you that way....... It will usually all even out, if the both of you just take the time to make it so....... Just my opinion.........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

Why is it ok to do him if you think you`ll never see him again? Posted: 9/18/2009 9:51:12 AM
I so agree "miss"....... Just because I do not have sex with someone immediately, does not mean that I do not want them sexually, it just means that I am thinking with my "large" head first...... Times and situations were different way back when, in college and it was all soooooo situational and temporary, but life and living moves on, and so does having enough maturity to THINK before doing. I do not sleep with anyone until they have opened up to me enough to know them, and feel good about the both of us being tested before having intercourse. There are no guarantees even with a condom, so the best solution is testing, open communications, and a willingness to treat that person the way you want to be treated. I do not do one night stands, and if I know someone and we do end up in bed, if we are not compatible sexually, at least we did all the right things to protect each other, and can remain friends that tried. Just my opinion........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 63 (view)

A Dangerous Perspective Posted: 9/18/2009 9:36:52 AM
If you are not getting what you need from your spouse, and so unhappy that others are looking better and better to you............It is time to fix your marriage, and not just escape because it feels good. Having an affair, or even an FWB while being married, is the easy way out, and if you choose that before trying to fix what is wrong within your marriage and vows taken, you disrespect not only your spouse, but yourself, and the one you are escaping with....... I will tell you from personal experience, that people do not go outside of their marriage, if all their needs are being met within their marriage, and if not, marriage means working on IT first before you consider working on other things. It takes two to make a marriage, and two to break one up, and if you allow more than two to be involved, in some fashion, all you do is complicate the entire problem, and make it that much more difficult to fix and maintain. Just my opinion.........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

A Question About 2 Situations - 1 Conclusion Posted: 9/18/2009 9:18:52 AM
With your premise OP..........no one should ever be talking to another, because if they were, it must be sexual........ Maybe, just maybe, if we all would talk more to each other, this stigma would not be relevant......... I would say that it much more becomes a point of invading ones space, over just talking to another. If I am in the movie section and a woman is standing 10 feet from me and tells me that the movie I am considering is a good one, that could be just friendly, or an opening for more. If she walks over to me, or me to her, and now we are a foot apart and sharing information, space has been changed and the boundaries crossed from friendliness to potentially more depending on how one views their private space. What this really means, is that it is much more important "how" you say what you say, compared to "what" you say, until whatever boundaries that exist space wise, are changed, and then it becomes both "how" and "what". Just my opinion.........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

intercourse but not oral sex Posted: 9/18/2009 9:06:18 AM
I think it is just the opposite OP, and most women will give head before they ever let you enter them. There are many reasons for this, but "control" may be the largest one. When a woman gives head, she is in charge, unless you are one of those idiots that grab her head and force her down and gag her, and if so, you will not be getting it to often...... Women know that they are in charge when they do that, as they have your member in their hands and mouth, and can decide how much, how deep, and control the total of it.... Sexual intercourse with us penetrating them, is much different, and we are in control much of the time until that awareness arrives that the both of us know exactly what the other wants, will do, and not do, and all that in between. Just as women will allow us to fondle their breasts when it is wanted, and play with their **** to orgasm, none of that takes the control away from them, and it only changes once penetration occurs. Just my opinion.........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 32 (view)

Don't know what to do? I'm not in control... Posted: 9/18/2009 8:46:42 AM
The fact that she had moved from China and lived in the United States for 11 years with you much of it, should speak volumes about where her head is at. If she were still living in China, those social situations would be very difficult to break, but she already did break them by moving away and living with a man for so many years. She could easily stay with you, marry, have a child, and then visit her family with you, her husband, and your child as a family too. She is choosing to go back to what was the norm of her family and culture, and she really does not have to, but is going to anyway. There must be something else going on here for this to be happening, and I wonder if she is enthralled with this new man in her life, her social status in China, and all the potential for what she could save, have, and continue, by honoring her parents in her home land and bearing children of the same race? I would give her space to think this through, and not force the issue. Tell her that you care and want to be with her, but that is her decision, and once she is gone, you will miss her, but will move on, because she certainly is. Do not, I repeat, do not, get into a situation where she has two lives and holds on to you by coming back to the United States once or twice a year, using work or professional items as her excuse, and beds you as she maintains her Asian heritage. Just my opinion..........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Is effort really that hard for most people?? Posted: 9/17/2009 10:52:22 AM
Dates could be quite difficult then, because I do not offer my number unless they offer theirs, so we would just go round and round saying hello in the forums...... I find that equality is the best rule to use when dealing with a site like POF, and most other places as well. The "rub" comes when those that think just "old school", or "traditional", want one thing, but expecting another when it meets only their needs, and the result ends up being mostly confusion......... Most times it just works better for the both of us, if we do it together, hitting on each other, pursuing each other, dating each other, on and on. If the one that I am interested in does not understand this, we just may never connect because I am far from doing the "old school", "traditional" dating cliches....... I will not be one a many men hitting on some woman because that is what is thought of as traditional. I will not be one to pursue a woman to show my interest, if she is not showing me hers by pursuing as well. I am not one that will play the game of let me show you how good I am, and how I can afford you, by paying for all the dates, and adventures together, and I am not the one that will play the game of first base, second, etc. So, it can be hard for many people to exist in the dating/relationship world, if they expect one thing, but offer another, or take equality to heart, only when it benefits them. Just my opinion..........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 34 (view)

Loosing the guy over nagging YIKES is this possible?? Posted: 9/17/2009 10:34:25 AM
It is easy to read between the lines and see that your questions are really statements, and that is where the nagging is in full force....... You would get a much better response and result, if you make your questions open ended and not so judgmental, as they can be viewed right now. Why not just ask once, "what are you up to for the next few days?", let him respond, say "cool", and move on. Somehow I bet that the less you say or demand will have the opposite effect on him, and he will start to say more, ask more, and hopefully you two can come to some equality when it deals with demands. Just my opinion.......

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

what is going on?? Posted: 9/17/2009 10:13:16 AM
I agree......You are not getting out of this potential relationship what you want, so you have two ways to go. You either take off your gloves and really pursue this man and let him know what you want from him, and what you want to offer him, show him all these things and see where it takes you.............or......... You just tell him your ending it, why, and ask him to please move on, because you have, and do it. No one can make you feel horrible, unless you really do make yourself feel that way, and no one can put you in a situation that you can not get out of, as long as you really want to, and are in charge of yourself and your dating life. There is equality more and more with dating and the sexes, and I suggest you become an equal, and take the advice you would give another in this situation, and either make the effort, or move on. Just my opinion........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

You just turn your pretty head and walk away Posted: 9/17/2009 9:53:13 AM
And therein lies the dilemma........ Some women feel the need to have the man do all the work of pursuing, and that goes for sex as well, and once they find a man that does not, relief can follow, but confusion as well....... I always wait for the woman to invite me into her life and body, and I stopped playing the game of baseball with first base, second base, on and on after high school. It is just a waste of time and ego to play those games, so it becomes much easier to just roll the ball into her court and she decides when to pick it up. The confusion lies in how the pursuit takes form, and this is where equality becomes a very difficult pill to swallow. Most women still want the man to pursue them, show the interest, ask them out, send them flowers, open all the doors, pay for all the dates, and then once behind closed doors, stop the pursuit......... Men become very confused with what is expected of them, when, and how, so they continue on as if traditional lines of dating and pursuing still exist, which they do not. So, with this premise, to many think that we have this date rule for what can or can not be done, and I just laugh at it and what it brings to the table for both men and women. So, I do not kiss you unless you ask me to, or ask to kiss me, and I do not touch you unless you ask me to, or ask to touch me, and on and on it goes, that I do not do anything that you do not ask to have done........ In return for this equality and progressive thinking on both our parts, I expect you to pursue me too, and to show your interest by doing all the same type of things that men did for women in the traditional role of dating. This means that you ask me out as much as I do you. You pay for the pleasure of my company, as much as I do for yours, and gifts will flow both ways equally along with desires, and we leave the game playing at the door...... Just my opinion........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 419 (view)

celibacy in late life Posted: 9/17/2009 9:35:31 AM
In other words ms rose......You have zero sex drive unless the person you choose to be with does exactly what you want to have done, the way you want it done, and how you want it done, and then maybe, if you are in the mood, you will consider gracing them with your body and sexual attention........is that about right?........ I follow your thought process but not your contention at all. How can one get to the point that if two are not in a relationship that one might want, that it is a FWB, or FB? Can not two adults enjoy each other and all they have to offer without ultimatums? There are a many women who use men for their wants, needs, desires, and goals, as there are men that use women for theirs. Is is any different for a woman to say if you want sex from me, you MUST do all these things that I say, and jump when I say jump, and that is how it must be, and a man that says if you want a significant romance, sex will be a part of it, and not the last part? All that remains is the game playing on both sides, and I say leave the games at the door, and just enjoy the one you are with, in a natural progression, with open, honest communications, and I bet both will be happy and satisfied......... I know that there are enough hoops to jump through now, with being healthy, safe, and considerate of one another, but to add a superfluous number of additional rules and regulations as a carrot on a stick, is as crude and barbaric as your overall feelings towards men and sex in general. OT.........I have found that when the right woman comes along, most of the rules disappear very quickly, and celibacy moves to the back of that list, and they are usually the ones to make that happen, not me. You see, many of us know that women want what we do, we just get there by different roads, and I can guarantee you that if you have a need to block my road, your road ends as well, and I see no advantage in that at all. I say, take down all those road blocks and maybe, just maybe, we can travel freely to where it merges, and enjoy the ride...... Just my opinion.......

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 49 (view)

If you were to marry again, would it HAVE to be with your children's blessing? Posted: 9/16/2009 10:19:55 PM
Now, I wonder what they would be thinking if you just preferred to enjoy the one you are with, not consider marriage, but have that wonderful romance and "monkey sex"?????.......... Just my opinion........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 409 (view)

celibacy in late life Posted: 9/16/2009 10:16:43 PM
Maybe the opposite question is more appropriate then my dear Mae..... Maybe in order to have that wonderful romance.......one needs to have that hot monkey sex........ .......Just saying...... Just my opinion.........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

How important .... Posted: 9/16/2009 2:56:02 PM
I am with you Friendly........I do not say it unless I am ready and truly believe and mean it........and that has not happened for a long long time. I am more than willing to show the one I am with my caring, concern, and understanding, and with that all that comes in a good relationship, but I do not say or expect the words that I am "in love" with you. As time goes on, many of us will love another, but that is far different from being "in love", and knowing the difference may be the greatest sign of maturity and experience. I say, just be happy with someone that makes you as happy as you do them, and let the rest just happen as meant to be. Just my opinion..........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 46 (view)

Older women wanting caves? Posted: 9/16/2009 12:13:43 PM
It is just the ever present "retreat" mechanism that many of us have had most of our lives, and called the "cave" syndrome. Down time, reflection time, analytical time, etc., is one way we cope with change, wanted or forced, uneasiness with situations, overload, on and on. It is where we go to be safe while we think things through. Now, the real problem becomes when you women WANT our cave....... Just my opinion........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

What would you have done? Posted: 9/16/2009 10:56:33 AM
Or......He was having them, and wanted to not show them, so stayed in the men's room to try to take care of them, or take his medication. If this man uses this scheme as his way out to not have to pay for coffee, or because you are just not as portrayed in your profile, would you want to even think about him as a possibility? We have not even considered that maybe, just maybe, the OP was not quite as she stated when getting to know him before meeting, and what he saw was not what he expected, and then he did his plan of escape? Either way, and trust me, I have been there as well, he should have been grown up enough to pay for the coffee, smile, and say thank you but no thank you, and leave with you knowing why he is doing so immediately. Just my opinion.........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

What would you have done? Posted: 9/16/2009 10:35:37 AM
Trust me OP, if this is the worst thing that happens to you on a meet and greet, and/or date, you are one very lucky person....... This mans planning was deplorable at best, and his medication ineffective for his morning life. Having a disorder should not automatically eliminate someone from being a potential, but not taking care of it properly, or explaining it to you does...... The first email was very kind of you, and appropriate, and all you should have done from there was to say thank you, but no thank you, and the reasons need not be stated. Just my opinion........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 58 (view)

the last- Best You Ever Had Posted: 9/16/2009 10:24:17 AM
I had such great, enjoyable relationships and sex at 19 and 20, and also in my 40's.................. I wonder what it all means? Maybe, just maybe, that the best can keep happening over and over, as long as you keep happening over and over, and offer the best to them as well?????????? Just my opinion..........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Older woman younger man Posted: 9/16/2009 10:17:00 AM
You are the one that is letting it bother you, and I wonder why that is? If other women look at you funny, or ask inappropriate questions about the boys you are dating, it is either because you are somehow letting everyone know that you are doing this, or, that the age difference is so apparent that everyone around you notices it, and questions the validity of it all. I can easily date someone 10 years younger and not have anyone even think about it, but, if I started dating those younger women closer to my son's age, the comments and looks would be there the whole time. What is comes down to, is let the buyer beware, and if the two of you see and feel nothing wrong with it, enjoy it, but if it bothers either of you in any way, I would step back and think about it long and hard. Just my opinion.........

c_deacon

Joined: 3/13/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Totally confused Posted: 9/16/2009 9:59:28 AM
This is just the next step to having a relationship that includes the type of commitment that you seem to be looking for deep down in that pretty head of yours. The best way to find out, would be to enjoy the vacation with his family, and then invite him to have one with you and yours, and see how he reacts and handles it. If your time with his family is good, but his with yours is not, you have your answer, and then you can keep enough of a distance internally, to continue to be fine with a "no commitment"...... Just my opinion........

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