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capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 56 (view)

Dating friends Posted: 6/28/2007 11:40:36 AM
If I'm a "friend", don't expect me to be getting naked with you...but if you want to hang-out and do things together-great we'll be friends. You expect sex, then I expect to be "labeled" a girlfriend or significant other and that you'll be understanding we are in a RELATIONSHIP. Well said. My sentiments exactly!

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

No Photo? No Problem Posted: 6/28/2007 8:12:09 AM
IMO, the "physical attraction means nothing" comments are getting old as well. I totally agree! Physical attraction is what you notice about a person first. They don't have to be models or extremely good looking for you to be attracted to them, it just what gets you interested in the first place. We are all different in what attracts us. If "physical attraction means nothing", then the people who believe this would go out with anyone who had similar interests. I doubt that is happening. I like your idea about the photo problem. I have also asked a couple of people for photos and most don't send one. I keep getting the excuses of "I don't have any photos I like", "I haven't had time to send one" (although they send me emails), "I'm getting some new ones made". I have relaxed my idea a little about not even talking to people with no photo, but it still makes me think they are hiding something.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

The first-date curse Posted: 6/28/2007 8:00:19 AM
You are just going through a bad time of meeting the wrong guys. It's actually hard to tell a person to their face that you aren't attracted to them, even if they are attractive, there may not be any chemistry. Maybe YOU felt there was, but not on their part. Dating like this is all about percentages. Eventually, you will start meeting guys that are interested in you for YOU. Don't fall into the trap of trying to "giving off the vibe you are going to put out". Even though a guy may jump in bed with you, doesn't mean he wants that kind of girl to be with for the long term.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

Why do single people ask the same stupid questions over &* over again? Posted: 6/28/2007 7:22:55 AM
Why do single people ask the same stupid questions over &* over again? As opposed to what? What questions would you like them to ask instead? First meetings are about exploration and learning about the other person. Conversation starters. (doo doo doo doo... doo doo doo doo).

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 117 (view)

Is meeting more than one on the same day acceptable behavior? Posted: 6/28/2007 7:18:54 AM
Why would you tell a date that you also had another one the same day??????? That is just rude. Would you like it if some guy said, "Hey, I've gotta run, I've got another date later tonight". Whether you have another date or not, is none of their business, ESPECIALLY if it is just a first meeting. But even if you see these two guys multiple times, you are just dating. Until it becomes a situation where you want to focus on one of them alone, then go for it. Dating a couple of people at the same time is not unusual and sometimes understood, but I wouldn't "flaunt" it to the people involved.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

What I am feeling and the mail I want to send one last time Posted: 6/28/2007 7:11:48 AM
She obviously hasn't responded to your calls or emails because she's "just not that into you". Don't make excuses for her and don't think there is something there that isn't. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go!

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 255 (view)

It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !! Posted: 6/28/2007 7:07:23 AM
. . .Why would someone tell you they are "blonde" and "young looking for their age" and then you turn up to discover they are grey and in fact definitely look their age or realistically even older ??!! Why would they tell you that people have always noticed them when they walk down the street because they are so good looking, and then you discover that the only reason someone is likely to notice them is because they are so significantly overweight ?? Because they know that no one will agree to see them otherwise. I have heard stories from friends who have met people who DID have a picture posted only to discover the photo was of someone else! These people have the misconception to think that "if only I can get the other person to meet me, they will like me". But if they have already started out deceiving this person, what else will they deceive you about? If someone can't be honest about who they are, then that already have lost out. These people are desparate for companionship and obviously will do anything to get it. That's just sad.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Instead of Hello, endless email JOKES? Posted: 6/28/2007 6:58:02 AM
What he probably did was put you in his address book and just sent to everybody in his address book the jokes, etc. Nothing personal about it. I wouldn't feel bad about telling him to knock it off. You don't even know the guy and he obviously doesn't know you. He should get a new hobby!

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Burnt out ALREADY?!?!?! Posted: 6/22/2007 7:20:07 AM
I think we all hit that wall and want to give up ever dating again. Especially after a series of one-date wonders. However, what I do is that I do take a short break and make a point to go out with friends more. Get involved in some other activity that I enjoy so you don't feel isolated. Then after a couple of months (or longer if necessary), I get back to meeting people again. It's a process and we just have to work through it.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 573 (view)

Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women. Posted: 6/21/2007 1:43:20 PM
I am so tired of hearing guys complain about how internet dating sucks for them..how is it any better for us women sometimes??..We tend to get a lot of sexually suggestive messages from pervs and such or when we decide to meet up with a guy he has one intention only.How does that make it good??..Yeah so we get messages..but they aren't ones we'd like to be getting... Boy, did you hit the nail on the head! It's no better for us women! I think I'm a reasonably attractive gal, but I have gotten zero emails or contacts from anyone on this sight in a month. I have seen this to be true of other sites who have chat forums like this. Seems like everyone just wants to be on the forums. I found another really good site that I have gotten quite a few emails and contacts from that actually resulted in some meetings in person. A couple of weeks ago I had 4 dates with 4 different guys in one week. All but one was very nice and courteous. The one that wasn't wanted to constantly kiss me and suck my fingers! Of course POF will not let me mention this other site, but if anyone is interested, email me.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 193 (view)

Dumbest question you've been asked on 1st date? Posted: 6/20/2007 8:40:53 AM
A guy I met once: Him: So, I hope you don't expect for me to always pay for everything. I expect you to pick up the tab once in a while. Me: ???? Him: I'm saving for a trip to Italy. If I'm always spending my money on you, I won't be able to go to Italy. Me: Then I'll make it easy for you. You won't have to worry about spending ANY money on me. I then got up and left the restaurant. And left him with the bill for the food, that I had hardly touched.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 97 (view)

A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T! Posted: 6/20/2007 8:33:39 AM
OR he's married.....

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 453 (view)

Dating men who have never been married Posted: 6/20/2007 8:28:31 AM
I don't believe that people 35+ and still unmarried are necessarily selfish. Your guy seemed to fit that description, but I wouldn't label all this way. Why is it that some of us place a "stigma" on those who are older and never married. It it infinitely worst than being married and divorced? However, certain questions would come to mind: 1. Have they had any relationships they would consider serious? 2. Have they ever lived with another person (as in who they are dating)? 3. How long did their longest relationship last? If they "just haven't found the right person", I would have to ask what they were looking for. Too picky? Not dated a lot? A workaholic? There could be a multitude of reasons behind someone being 40-50 and not being married. Investigation and questions and answers that would satisfy YOU, would be warranted. ANYONE that makes you choose between your kids and them, you are just asking for another child to raise.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Give him another chance? Or cut my losses & run? Posted: 6/20/2007 8:02:24 AM
Analyze what you said..... he has cut and run emotionally many times when his ego gets out of control. On these occasions he has left me in pretty uncaring/inconsiderate ways Sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do and since you obviously have taken him back many times before, he can lay a story on you and you believe it every time. I have been in a similar situation where I have had to let someone go that I cared deeply about and had a deep connection with. But the relationship was unhealthy. It was the hardest thing for me to do. Be strong, but only you can make that decision. However, if you have actually told HIM "NO" and "Never again", then stick to your guns. You said yourself that you don't completely trust him anymore. Since you have given him multiple chances and nothing has changed, I really doubt that it ever will. But only YOU can answer that question. Good luck to you.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 90 (view)

Married and Looking? Posted: 6/20/2007 7:26:20 AM
ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? I'm sorry, but I don't sympathize with you. If you are stupid enough to stay in a 12 year marriage where you are "rejected" and miserable, you don't get any brownie points for doing so. There is no justification for that and there is no justification for trying to have a "relationship" with someone who is not your wife. My advice: Grow up, pack up, get out, and shut up. There is NEVER, NEVER, NEVER any justification in cheating on your spouse. If you are so miserable, GET THE "F" OUT! PS. Next time you post a thread, please make sense. EX: I don't want the attacks or if you did this it would have I'll worked out been there do it, more than you'll ever know.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 456 (view)

Long hair on older women Posted: 6/19/2007 1:54:04 PM
Some older women can wear longer hair, and if well maintained (hair stylist) on a regular basis is becoming. However, that doesn't mean that every woman can wear longer hair like this. Mostly long hair on an older woman, especially if kept close to the face and hanging down, just makes everything else on her face look even more sagging. Just a fact. In my opinion, I think women try to have longer hair to appease their male counterparts. Men have always loved long hair. I like long hair too, but have long given up the fact that it doesn't look good on me anymore. So, I compromise and keep it just below chin length, where I have some flexibility, but it doesn't looked chopped off either. I'm ready for it to be styled again.... if I could just find the time.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Why Can't I meet someone Posted: 6/19/2007 1:36:47 PM
Your profile needs adjusting. Except for your main photo, the others are bad. I, personally, hate self-portraits that are too close and out of focus. I agree with what someone else said about deleting the photo with the girl in it. Even if it's your sister, it doesn't belong in your profile. Keep your profile essay short and to the point. Leave something for them to ask about you. Just keep in what interests you and what you're looking for. One or two paragraphs tops. Have you ever met any women in person? Do you have any female friends who could clue you in on what you could improve on? Everyone sounds great on paper, but you may need to improve your persona. Hope you can get some great advice. Good luck.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

setting myself up for failure??? Posted: 6/19/2007 1:16:02 PM
Number one, if he is separated he does not have an ex-wife. He is still technically married, no matter what kind of spin he has put on things. Separated for TWO YEARS???? What's up with THAT? I say, cut your losses now. I believe he will end up hurting you, and big time. Why should you feel guilty about stopping seeing him? Obviously, this is bothering you and your value system. How do you know for sure that this behavior that you speak of was not really going on during the marriage and before the separation? Why is he separated in the first place? Punishing him? Don't do that do yourself. His lifestyle is his own choosing. Please don't fall for the "oh, you make me want to be a better man". Sorry, but leopards don't change their spots so easily. Besides, he should want to be a better man anyway. I say, follow your instinct and don't compromise your values for one sleezy guy. Believe me, you will only get hurt.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 138 (view)

Would you pursue a Married Man? Posted: 6/19/2007 12:46:43 PM
NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER. This is the thing that gets me angry about anyone, male or female, who complain about how bad their marriage is and they want out.... but in the meantime, they are out trying to pick up someone else. IF SOMEONE IS UNHAPPY IN THEIR MARRIAGE THEN GET THE HELL OUT! THERE IS NEVER AN EXCUSE TO CHEAT ON YOUR SPOUSE!!! For one thing, he is NEVER getting divorced. Depending on the ages of the children, at least not until they graduate from high school. As nice and believable as he sounds, he is still cheating on his wife. Would you really be able to trust him should the two of you get together?? I can see someone reading this and saying, "well, maybe for the kids...." . That's a bunch of bull. They will grow up in a household where the parents are fighting or at the very least don't love each other. Kids are smarter than that. As hard as it will be on everyone in the beginning, everyone will adjust. I say, tell him that you will not get involved with a married man. If and when he ever gets divorced he can look you up. In the meantime, there are plenty of nice guys out there who aren't attached to someone by a wedding ring.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 61 (view)

HOW HONEST ARE YOU ABOUT YOURSELF Posted: 6/19/2007 7:35:23 AM
I am upfront and honest about everything. I admit I don't volunteer personal things or past relationships upfront, unless someone asks me a direct question. But that's the whole point. If you want to know about how many times someone's been married, any felonies, drug use, etc., then ask the question. These don't have to be brought up all at once, but if the relationship progresses to the point where you want to continue, these questions should be answered. Trust and honesty are the cornerstone of any relationship. If it starts out with untruths or even half-truths, the relationship is doomed before it even gets started. Each person knows what they can and cannot tolerate in a relationship. Everyone has a past and a history with other people. How has this past and history shaped who they are today and is that good or bad? Is there a pattern of self-destruction? Are they a detructive force in someone else's life? If you are afraid someone will not accept you because of some indiscretion in the past, you still have to be honest about it. Different things are important to different people and should be discussed at the appropriate time.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 86 (view)

Why Don't You Call Us!? Posted: 6/18/2007 12:01:47 PM
I can't speak for men, but dang! Ask yourself this...when you really, really wanted to call someone, did such silliness make a ding dang to you? I'm with you, Funny Girl. If a guy is really into you, he'll be calling. Rarely are there "circumstances" that keep him from calling for days/nights. But, I think the relationship needs to be established before you EXPECT him to call everyday or even every other day. Once you meet and he doesn't call for a few days, I wouldn't put too much emphasis on it. However, it just goes back to the fact that if he is that interested, he WILL call you and soon. Guys, this could be a lesson for you too. If you want to call us, CALL US.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 182 (view)

Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship? Posted: 6/18/2007 8:12:36 AM
Actually, I think you have to be content with yourself and your life before pulling someone else into it. I am very content at being alone, but I would rather share my life with someone special. Will I ever get married again? Live with someone? I really haven't made that decision. However, I have found just the opposite to be true. The guys don't have any time to spend on a relationship. They are workaholics, gymaholics, or some other kind of -holic. But I have found that if a guy is really into you, he will make the time and vice-versa. If you are sabotaging developing relationships, you may need to really do some soul-searching as to what you want. I don't think a friend with benefits is what you really want (or maybe it is). If you "date" someone who is uncommitted and never expected to get serious, this is what you will end up with. Then they will be the one to leave the relationship because it has no depth or meaning. All of these kinds of relationships are short lived. You certainly have a dilemma, but you should sort this out and let the guy know up-front what your expectations are. Good luck!

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 106 (view)

Dating a Smoker Posted: 6/18/2007 7:28:18 AM
I have never smoked in my life and I prefer not to date a smoker. However, I did meet this one guy who did smoke and he was really cool about it. He did not smoke in his house, car, or at the table when dining out. If more guys were like this, it would probably be easier to date a smoker. However, most are not. I just prefer my own clothes, hair, and personal items not smell like a smoke factory.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

How Long To Chat Before First Date? Posted: 6/18/2007 7:22:59 AM
It's too bad that we have to assume someone has experienced a failed marriage, isn't it? Your question about how soon to begin dating wasn't near as interesting as this assumption. This is not what I meant. They obviously have already mentioned in their profile what their marital status is. I like to gauge people on how many times have they been married - two, three, four?? I didn't ask this question once and found out the guy had been married 6 times to 3 women. There is a pattern here. No go. As far as asking how long they have been divorced (I have learned they are divorced from their profile), I would rather not date someone who has only been divorced for say, 2-3 months. I am not assuming a failed marriage or anything else. I ask the questions that have already been hinted to in the profile.

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 57 (view)

Is it wrong to check the profile before accepting the IM? Posted: 6/17/2007 8:02:44 PM
No, I often check a person's profile before answering an unsolicited IM. Obviously, they are IMing you for personal contact, not to be "a friend". Do I want to encourage someome or make them think I am interested if I am not? I don't think so. Of course, if you respond and then find out it's not someone you are interested in and you stop corresponding with them, they will complain about that too. We can't win!

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

How Long To Chat Before First Date? Posted: 6/17/2007 7:58:23 PM
I am one of those people that likes to meet a guy fairly quickly after we have made contact by email. I learn the important things I want to know by asking questions: i.e., how many times have you been married? how long since your divorce? where do you live? (I had one guy tell me he lived in an RV) . That sort of thing. After 4-5 emails, I know whether or not I would like to meet him. My reasoning on this is like most people: we email for weeks, we really get into a person and we all know that we all sound great on paper. But, all things being equal, it boils down to the face-to-face chemistry. How many of you have written a person back and forth and thought this person had really great potential only to be disappointed when you finally met them in person? Why waste each other's time by emailing for weeks only to find out that there were no sparks for one or both of you?

capturedsunshine

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 71 (view)

Was I too passionate for a first date? Posted: 6/17/2007 7:37:29 PM
Unfortunately, I have been on the receiving end of a guy who was way too gung ho on the first meeting. Believe me, it's a total turn off. Hand holding and a touch of the arm is fine. Butt patting is not. Kissing goodbye is acceptable, as long as it involves just the lips. The first date should be about learning more about each other and if there is enough interest to warrant a second date. Perhaps you were so enamored with her that you thought you would impress her with your passion. Obviously, it did not. Guys, if there is anything a girl appreciates it's the fact that a guy is willing to take it a little slower in the passion department. Forget the "Third Date Rule" and go by the comfort level of the woman you are with. Believe me, you will know when she is ready.

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