IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN? chat & forums.

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Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 204 (view)

IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN? Posted: 11/9/2009 5:20:38 PM
because they've been indoctrinated to believe it's beneath them to do so. It's more the matter of not knowing, not because I think I'm 'too good' for it ... So basically I don't have 'game' , as the Col. put it so nicely... lol. What IS 'game', anyway? I'm not sure I'd even WANT the men who would find me attractive if I acquired 'game'.. ew. I appreciate the comment about my having good reasoning. Thanks cdbergerac!

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 199 (view)

IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN? Posted: 11/9/2009 10:56:56 AM
The OTHER reason I think it's perfectly fine for women to make the move is this: what if I see someone I want to know better? Am I really supposed to shut up and wait until he notices me? Sure, I could be advised to flirt, but I'm SO BAD at it! Meanwhile the wrinkles multiply ... If I'm passive about my love life, I will not likely attract the ones I want. I will be approached much more often by men who don't interest me, so I'd rather save the time and just connect with the one I like!

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 179 (view)

IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN? Posted: 11/8/2009 6:06:32 PM
I don't mind being the cook of the house, but the notion of a lady cooking with me is kind of sexy, sensual... erm... kind of a dream. What about a lady who has had no appreciable cooking instruction, but enjoys being creative and has actually managed to make some fairly decent goodies? .. and about the main question: any guy who's so easily put off by my display of interest is not going to survive the more important phases of any relationship with me, so it's quite all right if he says no.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 176 (view)

IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN? Posted: 11/8/2009 5:55:45 PM
She looks for the guy that has the valuable attributes she desires and picks him out of the crowd. Then she reels him in while making him believe he actually had a choice on the matter. "A man chases a woman until she catches him." (Karl Kraus) .. except in some cases, where the man isn't aggressive, but really appreciates the attention and responds warmly to being shown he is liked. Over time he gets used to the interaction, enjoying the companionship, and one day it becomes obvious that he wouldn't know what to do without her. Such is the case when I'm attracted to a man. I do little stuff like give him cookies, invite him to potlucks with other friends .. casual stuff. I just make sure I'M the one doing it.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 157 (view)

IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN? Posted: 11/8/2009 12:43:19 AM
It's less about 'rules' and more to do with each's personality. I for one am typically the forward one, and I'm drawn to shyer men who appreciate that I like to take things slowly. I may initiate the communications but not in a pressuring way. Also, I take my cue from their response. If a guy is receptive, I continue. If I get turned down twice in a row, I'm done with him unless he explains a different reason, and asks for a raincheck: in THAT case, I tell him HE can call ME. ;-) Of course there are guys who view romance as a conquest so in that case I'd say they would be more attracted to women who aren't the aggressors.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 109 (view)

Jesus is stealing my girlfriends! Posted: 11/3/2009 10:58:47 AM
I'm Christian myself (tho' I'm not fond of the term 'religious' because it implies mind control), and I can understand where both of you are coming from: You're perplexed at her reaction to sex outside of marriage since she's already been involved, etc., and to you it's nonsense to let a silent, invisible entity have influence on one's morals & behaviour. She's upset because to her, Jesus is not just religion and teaching; He is her foundation for life and... love. On some level, she may feel as if she is being used, especially if you have a more casual approach to it, in contrast to her attitude that sexuality is sacred and should be reserved for marriage. Why, then, did she (or they, as I see you're referring to more than one instance) begin with you at all? Because they're human, they get emotionally attached, and they want to be close. It's just that such circumstances often preclude the 'proper' steps of dating, commitment, engagement and wedding, and many Christian ladies can easily feel like we've tripped up badly. Speaking for myself, it does make me feel guilty when, unmarried, I want to connect physically with a man I adore, so I would be conflicted and might behave in a flaky way. It's not always an excuse or cop-out. ------------------------------------------------- PS ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- For the record, it's not as if Jesus is "having His way with us". That's actually kinda gross... Yep, might as well move on when you learn of a woman's faith in Jesus. Its nature is most profound, and is best avoided if you're not into it yourself.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

Am so confused, we are together but he wont let me in his life.. Posted: 10/29/2009 4:08:33 PM
Please tell me you haven't slept with him yet or even considered sex. It sounds like he's happy keeping you separate from his more established circle of friends, relatives, work, etc .. you're like an indulgence he allows himself (hence my concern about any intention toward sex), and perhaps isn't prepared to anchor that with you. There could be someone else, he might be secretly gay, or .. whatever. How does he seem to you in public as you walk hand-in-hand? Does he look around, hoping he doesn't run into anyone he knows? Where do you go? Does he prefer less populated areas? Can you talk to him about your feelings, or do you censor yourself in order to keep seeing him? It doesn't sound like you're 'together', but that he's got a bit of crumpet stashed away for private enjoyment. It's up to you how much you want to continue as you are, or seek some kind of answer. Do you really WANT the answer?

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

Am I crazy for falling for a man who's going to be leaving me? Posted: 10/29/2009 3:59:37 PM
Make memories and be happy you got the chance. Don't look at him as a keeper. If he's supposed to be in your life, he'll be back, but don't sit around pining for him!

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Whatcha Gonna Do....when the jilted starts wanting you?!? Posted: 10/29/2009 3:50:15 PM
Well... for one thing, I'd use the correct word! "Jilted" means dumped, typically as it relates to the altar. Maybe you mean "stilted", like kind of stiff or reluctant? .. Anyway, to answer your question, this is what I would do: recognize that the problems identified belong not to me, but to the other person, and adjust myself to them but not try to change that person. They are who they are. Either you can imagine a life together with enough of a happiness potential to justify investing yourself, or not. Don't 'settle', and don't let the other person 'settle' either. Have each other's best interest at heart. That may mean letting this individual go, or at least accepting their quirks as part of the whole package. If you're leery, there's a reason. Check if it's about you or her. Don't be afraid to ask why she's curious when it seems so out of left field. What is she really interested in with you? Ask, but don't try to pin her to specifics: just knowing you're expressing what you want should let her know she can't keep being vague or you'll get bored and go away. .. because you WILL, right? (if you stay anyway, no one else can help you)

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

am i being used or what? Posted: 10/18/2009 11:11:35 AM
you have the absolute worst spelling It's the apostrophe usage that got to me; not EVERY word ending in 's' needs an apostrophe. Anyway OP, no I don't think you're being used, unless - as someone else mentioned - there's sex involved and he only wants to keep close to home ~ as if he were not willing to be seen in public with you. Then is when to be concerned. As far as the spelling/punctuation goes, it's not everybody's strong point but do please look into remedying that, as it has an effect on others' perception of your intelligence. I'm sure you're very bright mentally but it needs to be reflected in your text. Best wishes with the man! Just ask him if he'll do some things you like. Make suggestions, because maybe he just doesn't have many ideas of what to do together. Keep it happy, fun and inexpensive.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Sick of being the second rate guy.. Posted: 9/24/2009 10:30:35 PM
Be a bit of an A-hole. Women seem to like it lol. Only women you don't really need.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 98 (view)

sexually aggressive men... like em or not? Posted: 9/21/2009 3:56:01 PM
It puts me off immediately. Even if I might have been interested, once he aims for a hookup, he's history. That said, if he's interested in ME, he ought to make a choice to become acquainted with me over time, and if we develop a good rapport, it's always possible to get that close. I just refuse to start on that level. Ever. Some men are so desperate to make sure they get laid, they don't want to invest any time in a woman's personality.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 417 (view)

Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 9/20/2009 6:50:07 PM
Because sometimes it's really nice to know we can relax with a guy who isn't trying to manouver the conversation towards sex. I get bored of that immediately!

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 258 (view)

Would you date someone who is disabled? Posted: 9/13/2009 10:50:25 AM
It totally depends on the nature of the disability. If it prevents us from easily communicating, I would say no. I just don't have the patience. If it's a condition that requires constant, strenuous physical effort from me, then.. no. However, if the guy can manage on his own and we have no problems talking, no worries. .. that being said, I also have to LIKE the man.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

How soon can you spot a red flag Posted: 9/13/2009 10:36:21 AM
OP, RED FLAG. If he in any way sets a negative tone, run .. and don't look back. Seriously. It's not sweet. It will get worse. He's been on just 3 dates with you and is already assuming territory. This is creepy, controlling and totally disrespectful behaviour. Not only that, but he is so self-absorbed it doesn't even occur to him that you have things in your own life to do which may keep you preoccupied instead of glued to the phone or computer screen... like he must be. Who is he to expect you to report to him anyway? -----------------------------------Sorry Tess but you kinda hijacked the thread.---------------------

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 79 (view)

Making moves that won't be interpreted as creepy/sleazy? Posted: 9/4/2009 7:16:59 PM
Soft at Heart, If you dont know what maniliness means then get off this site! What a thing to say from someone with your username! How can you be so mean? I think it's great that a man is willing to seek insight about how he can relate better socially. It shows he's someone who has the capacity to share. This guy sounds like a true man, not a player. It's too bad you think he's not worth your time, but then he deserves better than how you just treated him. "Rainbow Party"?? That was just uncalled for. ---------- PS ------------------------ He also sounds like he's got a healthy sense of humour about himself. You missed that, apparently.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 81 (view)

So many young divorces Posted: 9/2/2009 11:55:51 AM
covercorner1977, I tried to message you directly about your comment but your settings won't allow anyone outside the US. I added you to my favourites so you can message me. Please send me a note because I'd rather respond to your post off the boards. Thanks.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 1184 (view)

Why Do women dump men who are nice to them. Posted: 8/21/2009 11:46:41 AM
'Nice' guys assume that it's the 'nice' part women are rejecting, so they conclude that they would have better odds by not being so nice. Well .. in the case of most of these 'nice' guys, they were like that because believed they didn't have other qualities going for them, so NOW what do they think they have? Do they think that becoming jerks will help, when they themselves believe their looks are their downfall? Great. An unattractive jerk. Brace yourself for the stampede of desperate women.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 131 (view)

I think Girls have it a lot easier than Guys when it comes to Love, Dating, Relationships, etc. Posted: 8/21/2009 10:40:30 AM
Last thing any woman wants is an unattractive guy she is not at all interested in approaching her. It's the belief that one is unattractive which prevents being able to approach. How could you possibly know what each woman will find physically attractive? For all you know, that stunning, statuesque cover girl might be drawn to elfish, balding and round. There's no way to be sure until you try, and do so without any prejudice of HER: in assuming she just wants a hot, rich man with status and power, you're projecting your own self-judgement and expecting her to reject you. That's what she would refuse, not your looks in and of themselves.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 129 (view)

I think Girls have it a lot easier than Guys when it comes to Love, Dating, Relationships, etc. Posted: 8/21/2009 10:16:58 AM
I'm the kind who will initiate a chat with a guy, especially if he seems a little awkward in social settings. I'll make some wry comment and see if he responds to my sense of humour. Women have it difficult too. We get rejected and humiliated just as men do. I think in one respect it may be tougher on a woman to be turned down, since we're given the overall impression that a man wants women's attention. Well, everyone has a preference, and I may not be some man's type, therefore if I like him it doesn't mean he likes me back. It's just as unpleasant for women to be refused. Would it be easier for women if we just never made the approach? No. What if, since that means we should just take what we get or be alone, we don't LIKE who approaches us?

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

Ending an affair Posted: 8/20/2009 5:36:01 PM
dallasdame, np

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Ending an affair Posted: 8/20/2009 3:32:03 PM
dallasdame; how is it your username is completely lowercase, but you insist on typing IN ALL CAPS??! please quit shouting thank you.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Ending an affair Posted: 8/20/2009 2:08:58 PM
I think you've been given an incredible gift: a free escape. You're off the hook! Somewhere deep inside, where you don't want to look, is this waggling little finger of guilt about your adulterous behaviour. Well, now you can be excused, and you don't have to be hassled. You aren't hurting him, and you can change direction. You're spared!

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

How do grudges form?...and what fuels them year after year? Posted: 8/20/2009 2:03:10 PM
Bearing a grudge is like clinging to a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at somebody. There's no certainty you'll hit your mark; in the meantime, holding onto it is only causing your hands to burn. I love that analogy. Let me add one I heard read somewhere, about its opposite: "Forgiveness is the scent of a rose on the heel that crushed it."

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 146 (view)

Is it fair to be friends with your ex? Posted: 8/20/2009 1:29:41 PM
If I was ever involved with a man, it means we were first and foremost FRIENDS before any dating happened. If the romantic aspect wasn't okay with us, we reverted to being friends. Any current partner who has a problem with that will not last long with me. He'd better figure out what he's really afraid of, and decide if he will constructively govern himself, because I do not drop my friends. I would give him NO reason to be jealous, either. Any notions he might have of my messing around are all in his own head. I have no time for that.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 45 (view)

How do grudges form?...and what fuels them year after year? Posted: 8/20/2009 1:10:25 PM
What's the point of carrying a grudge? What purpose does it serve? How do grudges form?....and what makes them last? It's a defense mechanism of the grudger, intended to prevent further pain inflicted (or perceived to be so) by its grudgee. It typically starts with the repressed reaction to a real - or imagined - offense, and since it's usually based on some personal prejudice or self-hatred, it tends to be so deeply buried that the grudger would rather talk about anything else than the real issue. The longer it's allowed to fester and poison those infected, the harder it is to acknowledge and heal. Each person feels they will lose the advantage by giving in, so it can go for years without any resolution. The unarticulated complaint, stifled in a misguided attempt to 'keep the peace' is probably one of the most insidious relationship killers, because it most often originates with a 'pleaser' type whose resentment becomes toxic.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

Should I let her come back...AGAIN???? Posted: 8/18/2009 4:56:47 PM
OP, I applaud you for taking a stand and letting her know straight up exactly what you expect. Note I said "EXPECT", because I think if you keep that word in mind, it will help you stay strong. It doesn't mean you don't care about her: on the contrary it means you want no less for her than the best YOU that you can be, and that YOU is strong, says what he means and means what he says. Keep it up. It may be the kick in the pants she needs, but even if she decides it's beyond her tolerance, at least you know where things stand and you can begin to move in a better direction. Hugz, KP

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

Should I let her come back...AGAIN???? Posted: 8/14/2009 1:00:29 PM
Don't you want to meet a woman that treats you better than she does I reckon the rational answer is 'yes', but he's clearly accustomed to a certain dynamic, and perhaps doesn't know any other way to relate, or at least would be way out of his comfort zone (not that you could call that* 'comfort')* so he resists the idea of leaving her. People are drawn to familiar patterns so it's no surprise he can't break away.. so he keeps hoping she'll change for the better, not confident he can improve his own situation. I think he doesn't believe he'd find anybody else for whom his feelings would be as strong, so he wants to see this through. It's frustrating, but for him, I suspect the alternative ~ cutting this off and opening up to someone who would treat him better ~ is too scary. Not only that, at this point I highly doubt he would be able to tolerate better treatment. He would probably sabotage it somehow, afraid she would dump him so he'd just find a way to screw it up first... this is the only sense of 'control' he understands. This woman is a mess so he can focus on HER, instead of on the mess HE is. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ironically, if she did change and get her act together, he wouldn't be able to take it. That's when he would leave her.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

Are Irish Men Shallow Posted: 8/12/2009 3:49:58 PM
You say 'shallow' like it's a bad thing. It's easier to get out of shallow water. These sites are teeming with fakes and triflers. Best to wade around where it's not too deep unless a VERY SPECIAL FISH swims along. Then it's time to use the good bait! Ye mustn't be so hard on the poor lads! They're just trying to stay safe. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------PS------------- Oh ~ and I'm Irish too.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Should I let her come back...AGAIN???? Posted: 8/12/2009 3:44:00 PM
ausatutah, Without reading more than your subject line, or others' responses, I'm going to answer your question "Should I let her come back...AGAIN????" My answer is this: "Only if you don't mind her doing what she keeps doing...AGAIN!!!!"

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 100 (view)

Sensitive, compassionate and affectionate men, are we sought after? Posted: 8/12/2009 3:32:23 PM
Yes, by sensitive, compassionate and affectionate women. Where do you look? Think about some professions that consist of these qualities, and maybe hang around those areas, e.g. animal rescue societies, hospital volunteer opportunities .. poetry reading venues, community theatre .. You won't find them in bars by LOOKING for them. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Btw, it's great that you can express yourself emotionally. One caution: I'd go a little mild on the verbal sharing: some of us - even very sensitive ladies - might feel it's too syrupy, and be irritated by too much emotional talk. It's quite all right to show that affection with hugs, hand-holding, etc .. but if I were out with a man I was getting to know better, his declarations of how much he thinks I'm beautiful, etc .. would make me want to stop seeing him. I mean, GAG ME. It's too sweet. Maybe the reason some women prefer a slightly less 'nice' guy is that he has the edge we like. We want a little something that needs us to tame it. Just a little. Some spice and kick is great, otherwise the confection gets very boring and we feel guilty for not liking it.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

What is compassion? Posted: 8/12/2009 3:19:58 PM
Well, for one thing, if I did see a kitten about to be run over by a truck, the fact that I am there to possibly save its life means it's probably not necessarily destined to die right then. At that moment I have a choice to try or not ~ my choice decides the kitten's fate. If no one was in any position to rescue it, I'd see it differently, even though I would still feel terrible for the poor kitten, as well as sad for the person who didn't mean to hit it. What if the person who struck the cat did it on purpose? What if Joe Road Rage hates cats, and ran it over deliberately, taking some kind of twisted enjoyment of it? Would I feel compassion for the driver? Probably not, except to pity him for having such a voided heart that he feels nothing sorry about it. If someone witnessed it but was unable to reach the kitten in time .. and they beat the tar out of the driver for killing the kitten, would I feel compassion then? Yes. Why? I hate seeing anybody in any kind of pain, for any reason. I realize there are times when it's important to experience it so one can grow and learn, but to just take pleasure in seeing somebody/something be in agony .. that's not me and it never will be. Compassion is, to me, the sense that I don't want to be a willing source of suffering or any kind of distress to any creature ... except sometimes when you have to be cruel to be kind .. that sort of idea. I mean that I take absolutely no pleasure in causing pain to anyone or anything. I don't have a vengeful bone in my body, so carrying out punishment is not satisfying to me. I hear of execution viewers whose spirit is no better than that of the condemned; the crazed hooting, hollering and inciting of as much torture as possible. I just can't do that. This does not mean that if someone I loved were attacked, brutally maimed and/or even killed, that I wouldn't want the guilty party to be caught, tried and convicted. I would also want the individual(s) to carry out their sentence to the extent they cannot hurt anyone else again. However, during their incarceration, if I heard they fell ill, got injured, were also attacked and needed help, etc .. I would feel they should have it. It wouldn't be that I felt sorry for them having to be in prison; just that above and beyond the sentence I want them to be treated decently. Why? Because I am not perfect, and can't expect to sit above anybody else. The fact that I'm not in their situation does not make me superior; it just means I was granted a different path.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 89 (view)

Manson follower wants compassion........................... Posted: 8/12/2009 2:39:16 PM
marita_b, I'm wondering if it's the discrepancy in our ideologies that is the problem. My sense of 'compassion' is not necessarily one of constantly feeling sad or pitying; it's an awareness that those without any chance of meriting sympathy are the most needy, and by its granting, that compassion is shown to be ultimately powerful since it can change even the most reprehensible and wretched creatures, including the likes of Atkins, Bundy, etc. Also, I do not believe their conversion to faith consists of being sorry alone. Regret cannot atone for what they did. "Sorry" is just a word which, as you pointed out, means nothing and can give one the sense of faultlessness simply by saying it every time. I don't believe in apologizing for something if a person thinks they're likely to do it again: where's the remorse? It's a lack of self-control they hope to use 'sorry' against as some kind of karmic insurance. I do understand that, if you were her nurse, you would certainly do your job and observe the Hippocratic Oath, but that it wouldn't be based on wishing she felt better. I know you don't feel she should have any comfort. I don't believe her earthly comfort should be given any special consideration, but I do believe her conversion to Christ is genuine, and it's not because she's a better person. It's not her own goodness that saved her: she HAS none! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here's a site about Susan Atkins, if you want to know what she's been doing: http://www.susanatkins.org/8-RestitutionProject.html (note: scroll to the bottom paragraph first)

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

What's up with the Taken profiles? Posted: 8/12/2009 12:04:04 AM
Is it a personal affront that someone isn't available to you? That's a really good point. It reminds me of a blog-type site I saw once, where emails from personal ad respondents were collected for humourous purposes. One of the messages was from a dude who completely flew off the handle because the ad author specified preferences that didn't reflect him. He railed at her in so many colourful phrases, citing grievances that she was 'snobby' because he wasn't her type. So yeah, he took it as a v-e-r-y personal affront that this woman wasn't seeking a guy like him. He regarded her profile as 'teasing' him, and rubbing into his face the fact that she wasn't interested in him. ................she had never heard of him prior to his rant. I don't care who looks at my profile. I do care who messages me, and why.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

What's up with the Taken profiles? Posted: 8/11/2009 3:38:52 PM
But why does "not single/not looking" keep viewing my profile? I don't want his baggage. Hehe.. all he's doing is looking. Does he keep messaging you? Even so, isn't that kind of a compliment; that you're so attractive he can't stay away from your profile? Come on, on some level it must be flattering. You keep looking too, or you wouldn't even know that, right? I think you'd be a tiny bit miffed if he stopped.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 86 (view)

Manson follower wants compassion........................... Posted: 8/11/2009 3:32:42 PM
marita_b, I see where you're coming from, but I don't confuse guilt in this lifetime with guilt in the hereafter. Obviously she has to serve her time here, and if I were on the jury I would have no difficulty stating confidently I believe in her guilt. It does not mean I have no compassion for her. The crimes she committed are what must be punished, but they can never be righted. I just don't see the point of choosing to have no heart for a person, no matter what they've done. I also happen to believe she turned her life over to Jesus, regardless of whoever may vehemently disagree the very notion of it: that God could accept a Susan Atkins, Ted Bundy, etc .. that's where I refuse to sit in judgement.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 84 (view)

Manson follower wants compassion........................... Posted: 8/10/2009 4:25:54 PM
Compassion and mercy are, by their very nature, undeserved. Susan Atkins is still here, still alive - tho' barely, I guess - and as such is not beyond the reach of those who can find it in their hearts to pity this creature. Pity is also, btw, undeserved. To the extent she does not deserve it, I feel it for her. If that makes me seem like a misguided, bleeding heart, well .. so be it. The past can't be changed, and I have the choice to wish her at least a peaceful meeting with the God she has said she believes in now. Who am I to say it's not true? We really don't know how diseased her mind was to begin with; that perhaps she doesn't display remorse in the way that is expected of her: what's that supposed to look like? I read once, can't remember where ~ I keep trying to place it ~ that Susan reached a point of awareness of her crime and began to scream.. scream and not stop screaming. I wish I could find that. It's a significant reaction, tho' I think most people want her to constantly be crying and saying 'sorry' over and over. That simply may not be how she processes it. I can't judge her. I'm so horrified by the crimes she committed with and for Manson, and I know the bereaved will never get over it, so I feel compelled to hate Susan, but I can't. Seriously ~ I can't judge.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

What's up with the Taken profiles? Posted: 8/10/2009 4:15:20 PM
Yep, forums. POF is not only a 'dating site', or the option for 'friends' would not be there. Anyway that's why I'm here. Some of us really do just want friends, and/or we've already made some and this is one way to keep in touch.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Manson follower to be released from prison. Posted: 8/10/2009 4:12:50 PM
"Squeaky" ought definitely not be released while Manson is alive! I agree with you there. She's of the same warped ideology, and most likely would help the ball start rolling again. I think she was his first, or at least one of the first, of his 'Family'; hence, probably the most loyal and, thus, deranged.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

California is Broke, set Manson Free... Posted: 8/10/2009 3:53:41 PM
I dunno .. I think it'd save the state of California lots more money if they assigned Manson to be a lab test subject. They could try out new drug therapies (wouldn't he like that!) and keep him away from society. Now I don't mean torture: I'm not so inhumane as to suggest he should endure that (tho' I'm pretty sure others would think HEY that's great! Torture the bas*rd!), but I think it would serve right to let him spend his days sheltered, protected from those who would surely assassinate him on the outside ~ quite frankly I'm not sure why no one on the inside has done that ~ and basically provide a payment-free way to experiment with medicinal pursuits, e.g. cancer cure, anyone? ------------------------------------------------------------------ "Disgraceland" ... good one.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Manson follower to be released from prison. Posted: 8/10/2009 3:44:32 PM
It just makes me wonder how anybody manages to live over 30 some-odd years without encountering such a menace. Those young people must have had something 'not right' about them to begin with, or how could they be so easily lured by that creepy little dude? Sure, he may have been charismatic, hypnotic, authoritative, etc .. but he was also spouting some seriously whacked out verbal vapor, and how the followers-to-be couldn't tell how horrendous it was just says to me they were already twisted in their own minds. They had to have been so wrecked in one way or another to even take Manson at his word for more than a few moments. Linda Kasabian was really the only half-sane member. She was terrified for her life once she recognized Charlie's demonic tendencies, and had to appear cooperative until she could escape.. unfortunately having to leave her child behind for a while. Eventually she was reunited with her daughter, but I can't even imagine how horrible that was for her. She joined the Family for the same reasons everyone else did: trying to find love, God, peace, meaning.. etc. and she found the Devil himself. I don't know how she coped. I really don't. Yesterday on History Channel, "Manson" was aired: it was the 40th anniversary of the Tate-LaBianca murders, and Linda Kasabian came out of hiding to tell her story. I just wish I could give that poor woman a big hug.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

how long would you wait Posted: 8/10/2009 3:31:50 PM
I hung up on someone once, then immediately regretted it. I called him right back and said "I pressed the wrong button, sorreee!!!" ......... He said "oh.. I thought it was something I said." whew .. sometimes it's not that easy; I was fortunate that time. ---------------- As for me, I would call back right away, and if they hang up again, I will let it go and not repeat the attempt. If they ever contact me after that, I will not mention the incident unless they do, and then I'll just say "oh that. What, you're still thinking about it?" .. this usually leads to a coffee date because now they're in the mood to talk.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

The placing of the Apostrophe, help needed............. Posted: 8/10/2009 12:00:28 PM
Thanks Key Player for that! LOL, you're welcome, tho' I wasn't the only one who noticed. It's okay .. we've all got our imperfections and I thought yours was hilarious. I hope I didn't come off too blunt.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

The placing of the Apostrophe, help needed............. Posted: 8/10/2009 12:17:43 AM
However when I see a profile with basic spelling and grammer lacking, I know that person is not as educated as I would like. It's spelled "grammar", not "grammer"!

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 61 (view)

Ladies, I Get It, I Finally Get It Posted: 8/9/2009 11:36:15 PM
Send message, -gets read deleted- Okay then Like of COURSE you're still allowed to have standards even though you're on a dating site but still, cant even dignify a response? really? I'm with you, TeeWhy1; not replying is rude. Let's presume each person has put time and thought into writing someone. Maybe they didn't: maybe it was mass-cut-paste, but so? Being completely ignored is still a hurtful insult. I don't blame you for being angry. Still, I've gotten into the habit of deleting my sent copies right after messaging someone. Then I conveniently forget all about it and look for someone else to email. I do the same thing with everything I send: delete my copies. After a while I've messaged about 10 0r 11 people and no longer really care who answers. Try it! It's kind of amazing how much the weight of each effort diminishes, and when you don't remember whom you wrote, it's a nice surprise to get a response. If I get replies that aren't very nice, I just block them. Easy. Don't despair. For every prince/princess, there are thousands of toads, and warts only stay on you if you keep the toad.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 394 (view)

Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 8/9/2009 11:05:45 PM
Women ,but not all thank God,can be just like the article proposed .. I can be friend with a woman only if she plays by the same rules as my guy friends .. No free meal or fake dates, it's dutch unless you are paying for me an equil amount of the time. You're right, it's not all women. Sometimes I feel a bit like Jordan O'Neil in "G.I.Jane" when it comes to being friends. I resent the assumption of many men that my interest in being friends is just a way to get free food and to just take advantage of a man who, secretly or not, wants to be my boyfriend. If I spend any time with a guy who reveals he has stronger feelings for me than I have for him, and can't be 'just friends', then I let him go. It's not fair to string him along, and I'd feel uncomfortable with that attention from him anyway. I expect to pay my own way, or at least take turns treating the other. It's just plain courtesy, male or female. If I invite out, I treat unless we arrange Dutch; same as if he invites, we discuss first if it's shared or not, to avoid embarrassing misunderstandings. I am a person first, and I just happen to be a woman. To men who have been mistreated by women under the guise of 'friendship', please don't put words in my mouth or motives in my heart. I'm sorry if you were burned, but I didn't do it so don't blame me, ok?

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

Ladies, I Get It, I Finally Get It Posted: 8/8/2009 2:28:15 PM
1 - I see a new email. 2 - First, I view his profile. If I like what he has to say for himself, I read his email. 3 - Based on his message I can tell if he read my profile (which indicates 'just friends'). If he's trying to pick me up, I send him a "sorry, I'm not interested but thanks for your time." 4 - If he's also just into having a friend, and I don't pick up on any subtext to the contrary, I email him to say 'hi, thanks for the note! how's your day?" and some goofy comment about his profile. .. simple, and it works for me every time. Re: #3 ~ If I get an email from a guy who seeks a date, even tho' his profile says friends, hang out, activity partner, or some other 'tame' purpose, I ask him to please go back and re-read my profile. He almost never writes back. If he does, and the message is anything but polite, I block him.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Are professional pictures better? Posted: 8/8/2009 2:19:52 PM
Not unless you plan to look like that all the time.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 374 (view)

Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 8/8/2009 1:59:51 PM
To a female a "Guy Friend" is a "D I C K in a glass jar, break in case of emergency" Okay now THAT is gross. .. it's also extremely prejudiced. I would never keep a man as a friend if I knew he wanted more than I did. Talk about unfair? It hurts to feel used, and I just wouldn't do that to somebody. Many women can enjoy the company of a male even if he's not their 'type' because men can offer insights that other women - not being, well... men - don't have. I'd think this would be regarded as a good thing: women who are trying to understand how to get along better with their male partners so they seek advice from objective males. Why anyone insists on reading dirt into it is beyond me. Trouble happens when one or the other sex interprets the interaction as interest when none is stated.

Key Player

Joined: 6/14/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship Posted: 8/8/2009 1:50:49 PM
don't you think it is kind of mean for him to talk about other women when he knows how you feel about him? It may be mean, but he may also be hoping she hears this as a clear message he wants her only as a friend. It would be better if he could say directly "I keep getting the feeling we're not on the same page. Would it be easier for you if we didn't hang out so much?" The prob with that is it sounds so presumptuous, and can make him seem full of himself: but then if she still wants him, she is kinda bringing pain onto herself. OP ought to mentally reverse the situation and figure out how she would feel if he had the stronger interest than hers, and how she would want to handle it.

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