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gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

how to paraphrase? Posted: 11/23/2009 9:30:02 AM
Well, its pretty literal. He's having fun so far, doesn't want to make any commitment b/c he can't handle closing his door to new opportunities. And if he stays? that means he's happy with the way things are. Until he has to give more. Then he won't be so happy, and so he'll tell you again...he doesn't expect things to go anywhere. If things aren't broke, we don't waste energy trying to fix them. so why would he leave, when he's getting what he wants? nothing's broken at his end. he'd be a fool to leave. what keeps a person dating? comfort. we all like to be around people who make us feel comfortable in our spare time. who wants to feel uncomfortable in their spare time?

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Men and self esteem Posted: 11/20/2009 9:51:07 AM
There have been male identity programs in the past--Iron John, Promise Keepers, etc. the sad fact is, there's a lot of money to be made by putting people on edge. You get a consumer on edge, you move them to action. If a person is comfortable, then they don't overbuy. they only get what they really need. So, trying to tell people they aren't what they should be, that you sell a product that can make them be that...its a time-proven way to separate people from their cash, which in turns create jobs by expanding a business. On a side note, its interesting how Twilight is being noticed as promoting abusive relationships as something desireable. The bf who stalks, who causes violence but the violence is rationalized away, etc. Back to the point: educating, unfortunately, is being left to advertising. and many forms of entertainment also include advertising. It should be done by example, but many parents grew up in the Me generation..and so they really don't know, either.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 92 (view)

The other side of WTF was he thinking? Posted: 11/19/2009 8:30:46 PM
Energywaster, er, master....she wasn't what you were looking for. She told you in a following email, you aren't what she's looking for, either. So, why post about it? You weren't interested in her, so you weren't going to try for a second date...and she told you don't bother. This should be what you wanted to hear. Would you rather someone who wasn't hot to you, kept bothering you for another date? She was "attractive enough". Now you find out you could have tagged her. Is that what you're upset about?

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Her Orgasm Posted: 11/19/2009 8:04:28 PM
Um...how about, it should be just like the rest of the relationship? That is, both contribute. I had a lover once who would lock her legs together. I thought she was a sexual abuse victim, or just not interested in me. Turned out, she was one of those who needed no foreplay or stimulation, so I was overstimulating her--and she'd clamp her legs shut b/c she was just overbuzzed. So, communication helps--don't let us guys think too much If you ladies don't know what works for you, how can we figure it out? Its not like you have to talk to us clinically--send us a naughty email about what you wish we were there doing to you right now. Again, if you and we can't share to get what we both want...what kind of relationship healthiness do we really have?

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 90 (view)

Oh, its to soon to have sex... yah, blah, blah, blaw Posted: 11/19/2009 7:47:45 PM
1) sex is an activity. It up to us humans to make it good or bad--just like any other activity, like drinking alcohol, giving money to someone else, shooting a gun, etc. 2) If you try having sex with people who view it differently than you, you may learn something new. But more likely...you won't even be having the sex, b/c they view it differently than you. For most, sex is a personal activity. If your personal beliefs disagree with someone else's...how far do you ever get in interacting with this person? Not very far at all, if you aren't forced to do it (ie, if they aren't your coworker, etc). So I don't get the third sentence of the original post. 3) if two insecure people sit around not having sex...what's the problem with that? They CHOOSE to be comfortable, rather than choose to have sex. They did what was right for themselves, and misery loved the company--if indeed both went home regretting not getting laid. 4) If you think you get along with a person, you can enjoy their company via multiple mediums--sharing the physical pleasure of sex is just one of those media. But if you only see a sexual compatability...then I can see a desire to run right into that "urge to merge". 5) Sex can become a problem if you see it as a currency. But if you aren't using it to buy company, buy someone's willpower to make things happen for you, buy their economic stability, etc, then...you don't lose anything from giving sex too soon. You want physical pleasure from a hot guy, you get it. Nothing is lost. But if you want his attention to make yourself feel attractive, for example, then yes, you lose if he walks away after the sex.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

How can someone say they love you yet want to be with someone else Posted: 11/19/2009 7:29:34 PM
So, she desired you...and you didn't desire her as much, b/c you broke up with her. Now she has your attention, which makes her feel...well, take a guess. We can't miss something that never leaves. If you want her to realize what she's lost, then you actually have to, you know, get lost. Right now,she's got two men in her life. Her man's got one woman in his life--her. And what do you have? A text friend. She doesn't need to fix anything--because nothing's broken for her. She's got two men she really digs in her life. Of course she can't decide to lose one for the other. She'd be NUTS to even bother trying to mess up what she has. Now that you see the situation...does the solution jump right out?

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

She is confusing me Posted: 11/18/2009 6:11:54 AM
She doesn't like emails, b/c she can't read your level of interest--its too easy to type anything. Talking, she actually can read your level of interest in your tone of voice, how quick you respond, etc. Women, just like men, NEVER say they don't date b/c they think that's the way to get a date. they all KNOW this is unattractive. So why do suckers still keep failing to listen? When someone tells you they don't date...why think they are lying? they're telling you the truth. This loser chick of your's, will never miss what fails to go away. You're there, every day she needs you. She never has to miss you. So, here's the deal, Sven: she ain't confusing you, not in the least. She's telling you EXACTLY what's going on: she doesn't date. YOU are the one who is confused. Imagine her at 400 lbs with greasy hair, and you'll be much less confused.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Dumped/Back together advice ??? Posted: 11/18/2009 6:00:04 AM
Every problem you mention in your post, all grow from the same root: you're afraid of getting hurt by putting your eggs into what may turn into the wrong basket. work on that. learn about yourself, realize you can give to yourself what it is you seek to get from others...and you'll have less pain in breakups, b/c you won't feel like you put your eggs in the wrong basket. you'll always have the eggs you need in your own basket, and share the results with your partner. then you never lose anything when they go. once that fear of pain goes away, you'll find trust isn't an issue--there's nothing to trust anymore. also, you won't worry about trying to not fall into love, and then having to deal with feelings that feel like you are falling into love.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

school first or relationship first? Posted: 11/17/2009 3:48:52 PM
Get your education first. There's plenty of young single moms out there without the degree levels you seek, because they put sex first. If he wants to marry, then he can wait while you do what you want to do for yourself. It'll make you happy in the long term. Which he'll like.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Is being yourself really good advice? Posted: 11/17/2009 3:42:33 PM
Always be yourself. If you just want sex, and you try to cover that up, you're going to get a lot of expensive dates that don't go where you want. If you don't want to be alone and will date anyone, then you'll fake it until you make it...in which case, you're still being yourself. You can't help yourself--you will find what it is you seek out. You'll seek it out, in order to feel comfortable about yourself. If you aren't healthy, you aren't going to find healthy relationships. Which do you prefer: to waste your time, or to not waste it? If you are comfortable with yourself, you will always be in good company even if you're alone. so you won't be wasting your time if you are alone. Of course, just because you are yourself...doesn't mean everyone in the room is paying attention.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Just Curious Posted: 11/17/2009 12:02:34 PM
Not every guy will handle it well--welcome to OUR world. Best thing to do, don't take it personally when they are a loser. That means, as you know, don't invest in the contact. Just make it conversation. That way, if they aren't gracious...its a reflection upon them, not upon you.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Current girlfriend keep insisting on meeting my ex...Drama Drama Drama!!! Posted: 11/17/2009 11:52:21 AM
Let me take a wild guess...its your current gf who decided you should meet her exbf? Regardless, let's see if I get this right. You dated a woman who likes to start drama. You have a gf now, who knows that drama will occur, but wants to meet so it will happen. Am I right so far? B/c that means you tend to go for women who cause drama to occur. If that is a correct assumption, and your current gf knows what's coming...then she knows what she's asking for. you aren't really going to surprise her, nor owe her (she's an adult) protection from her own foolishness. So the question is, what do YOU prefer--do you want to risk the relationship you have now, to avoid the drama of these two women meeting...or would you rather they meet, which may save your relationship FOR THE MOMENT?

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Liking someone for who they are rather than what they offer Posted: 11/15/2009 2:03:10 PM
If you are intelligent and poor...don't hang out where the poor people do. Hang out with the intelligent people, instead. Because that's how you define yourself. That sounds judgemental, but as the OP's experience shows...you need to fish where the fish you want, are. Don't go to the stream to find tuna, don't go to the sea to find rainbow trout. not all poor people are poor b/c they are dumb. But few poor people are poor b/c they "choose" to be non-materialistic , you know what I mean? They are poor for other reasons. Not many grow up with struggle, which is why so few know what their true strength is. they haven't been challenged--they took a pill, of some form, for their ill. they bought their way out of hard labor with a cheap labor saving device. They grew up when prices were low, so they didn't have to do without--they put it on their credit card instead.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

what do MEN WHO ARE LEADERS find attractive in a woman? Posted: 11/15/2009 7:08:37 AM
Look at WHY they are a leader. If its to show off...then he won't want competition. If its narcisism, he may be creating charisma that draws certain people in...and thus he really isn't a leader. If its to just accomplish things in life...then yes, he'd like a "helpmeet". Learn why YOU lead...and then you'll spot that in other people. It will help you in your search for other leaders, when you get first hand experience in what it looks like, and what you should be seeking.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THIS ABOUT? Posted: 11/13/2009 5:04:01 AM
He can lead a room, but not when you're there? Maybe he's leading the room, out of insecurity and something to prove, rather than out of just charisma. The two of you may bond so well b/c you are so much alike. you are both driven to act on the basis of how you believe life should be. But put the two of you together in a room full of an audience? Maybe you two end up canceling each other out in competition. why did he cancel out on you b/c the two of you would stay in? In the end, he is what he is, you are what you are. That can't be changed. either cut back on yourself, and let him have the stage, or let him know that when he is away, there's nothing going on...if that's what he really fears when he sees you in action.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Can you go from good time girl to long time girl? Posted: 11/12/2009 9:41:08 AM
All men are....different. Take a closer look at him. Get to know him. Is he the type to only sleep w/ good girls after he's gotten to know them? Is he the type that only does one night stands? Or is he the type to know there's a difference, that labels suck? If he's an adult, then he knows you're both adults. In vino, veritas. Now you two can build a relationship...unless he's not looking for one, but wants a good time gal instead.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

When do I ask again, or do I? Posted: 11/12/2009 9:36:49 AM
You can lead a horse to water...but you can't make 'em drink. The more you push, the clearer you make it to her, that you want to accomplish this task for your own reason. Its HER story...it belongs to her, let her have control over it, not you. Don't think the worst....until you actually know. She's wondering now why you dumped your story on her, when you push to hear her's. Accept her for the human being she is now. that's the person you're going to date. you aren't stepping into a time machine to date the past version of her. her story may not be nearly as bad as you think...she's probably just irritated w/ you making a big deal of her not telling the story. Make it less of a big deal for you...and it'll be less of a big deal for her. But right now, its almost turning into a control issue.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 70 (view)

A playful groper Posted: 11/10/2009 4:56:15 AM
He's been like this for 2o yrs....in two decades, she HASN'T LIKED IT. But she still allows it, trying to rationalize it away as harmless. Let's repeat that again, shall we? SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT FOR 20 YEARS. And she tries to rationalize away something she doesn't like. Yes, I'm shouting and repeating...doesn't anyone else see what's going on here? I'd suggest the OP take a closer look at other things in the relationship that this suggests...

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

lack of trust and harsh accusations Posted: 11/8/2009 4:25:28 PM
So, a not-so-young gf, keeps accusing you of chasing after what she thinks is her competion (the young women in her own life)? Maybe you are, in which case, its time to go. Maybe you aren't, and the trust issue is really an issue of insecurity about her own attractiveness...in which case...its still time to go. Maybe she throws this at you as a way to ditch you, so she can go out w/ a new guy she saw...in which case....wait for it...its also time for you to go. I'm not sure why this is a question. If someone cannot respect you...then its always time to leave the relationship. Life is just that easy.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Do I owe an explanation? Posted: 11/8/2009 4:17:35 PM
Since you are the one who started something...you might as well be the one who brings it to a close. of course, if she's on this forum...then she probably KNOWS. So don't lie. Just say, thanks for your time, sorry.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

How to be more approachable without having to lie? Posted: 11/7/2009 2:03:44 PM
Any fisherman will tell you...if you want to catch tuna, and cast your net wide, you'll also catch dolphins, and other fish you have to throw back. Its better to be specific, so every catch is a success. you won't need to date, in order to get to know people. Just listen. As the story goes, God gave you two ears and one mouth, to hear twice as much as you talk. The more you learn to listen...the more you learn. you can get to know people quick, without dating, just by paying attention to their actions--and their talking is an action.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 47 (view)

She's a rock wall... Posted: 11/7/2009 4:57:14 AM
You get into relationships that fail...over and over again. do you, OP, really think this is a coincidence? You are NOT seeking out healthy relationships...otherwise, you'd find them. They surround you, as they surround us all. There is something else you seek, and that's why you find these women you have to win over. You don't need to win the unwinable, in order to prove to yourself and others you are attractive to people.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

She's a rock wall... Posted: 11/6/2009 4:51:29 AM
What she needed to tell you was...she has a bf that she's not exactly interested in, but it beats being alone. She just can't seem to break up w/ him, she keeps going back to him b/c she can sorta stand him but it won't ever go anywhere, and she wants a relationship that will give her all the things she doesn't want to be bothered to give to herself. Or maybe it was something else. But like the others said, she's a flake. Play her game, or be distant and make her play your's...as you've noticed, she only misses what's gone from her life. She's used to guys falling inside out for her. Its the ones who play her game on her, that perhaps catch her interest. super guarded, my butt. If she was on the up and up, didn't play games..then there'd be nothing she had to hide.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

omg that explains alot!! Posted: 11/5/2009 4:48:09 AM
If my ex is in the past...then they are in the past. Otherwise I need to get over them. If they are still in my life, as a friend? Then, does the new info affect our friendship? Just talk to your ex, that's all. If it affected the intimate part of your prior relationship, then that was in the past. And if its not jermaine to your friendship now...why stick your nose in someone else's business? Ask yourself this question, "while it makes me feel better....is it really going to do them a favor?" If you can answer this honestly...you tend to get your answer, which is, let the sleeping dog lie.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

skipping over issues Posted: 11/4/2009 4:04:17 PM
cooooonnnnntrollllllll freak! By pure chance, is your on again, off again bf a single child who got what he wanted while growing up? An upper-middle class kid who may have had emotional stress in his life, but never had to deal with real challenges besides the ones he imagines? Re-read your posts. This guy controls his life so there's no stress on him in it. He even physically runs away. He won't change, b/c there's nothing broke in his life, is there? Its broke in your life, but not in his. He has control over his life. So why fix what isn't broken? Just to help you out? Re-read your posts, about what he's refused to do for you in the past--and these were not big things. They were all free to do.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 134 (view)

Sex versus love Posted: 11/4/2009 3:51:32 PM
There already is a way to measure love. You have to perform 2 easy steps: 1) learn about the person staring back at you in the mirror. No one can fall in love with what they don't know much about. The more you know about yourself, the easier it is to find out if the other people claiming to love you...even know what they are in love with. 2) learn to respect that person in the mirror. Then you have personal experience in judging how other people treat you--is it respectful, or do you have to go online and ask strangers to find out? As you can see, you can't really sell this. It isn't a skill you get, its a skill you create. Arabianangel: I suspect women have fallen prey to social whims, more than men do, b/c its a patriarchical society, not a maternal one. So, women have farther to fall. Also, in older days, and still in some societies, a single female won't get the wealth, property, etc on her own unless inheirtance laws work in her favor. So, perhaps commitments are also more of a weight upon women than on men. But in a modern age, this isn't so much of an issue. So, is it just a "nature" carryover, rather than "nuture" carryover? I suspect....its still in the chemestry of MANY, but not all, women. But that's a tangent for another time.... I suspect, a woman who creates a bond, doesn't need to change that part of her nature. I suspect, she should actually look for a man who can easily create it, and won't have to change her nature. But that would mean, give up on the hot boys, the exciting boys, the ones that need to be won over. If a woman honestly seeks an emotional commitment, NOT what an emotional commitment GIVES HER (ie a feeling of being worthy of love, of no longer being the ignored child, etc etc), then there is no need for her to change herself...she just naturally finds good fits.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 98 (view)

Sex versus love Posted: 11/4/2009 6:37:55 AM
I should have said, sex doesn't need to be independant of love. If two animals couple to procreate, we call that sex...love doesn't necessarily enter into the picture. Are humans intelligent enough to take this medium of sharing, and at times, make it an expression of love? sure. would it be wise to base one's heart, on the concept that someone chasing physical pleasure must be doing so out of live? um.... to get to monongahela sal's post....I will disagree that only one gender fakes love to get sex. I've had women who wanted attention, who faked interest in order to get sex. They wanted the sex, as a sign that they had the attention they sought. Or maybe they wanted the sex, too indeed, people keep doing what they do, when it works. As for the slut label coming from women as well as men...yes, and its a pity. SOME women measure themselves by social interaction, not by what they see inside themselves, and the slut label (among others) is a great way for some women to bully others. I've had female friends tell me how boys aren't the only bullies in school, and that women could get just as vicious. Apparently, this was what they referred to, the ostracizing of a girl by the spreading of labels via rumor. To me, this didn't seem like a big deal--who doesn't know how to be a good person, how to do the right things in life, and then be able to look at oneself and realize, "hey, I do the right things when I can, they do not--why am I the one cast in a bad light?" and then dismiss what other idiots say? Of course, there is room for self-rationalizing here But apparently for some, the slut label is really a weapon of schoolgirls, not men of dating age--tho the latter do use it....did they perhaps learn it from their female friends (perhaps those interested in the boys in question, and trying to shoot down their competition?)

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Sex versus love Posted: 11/3/2009 9:39:04 AM
this question keeps being asked lately, so rather than send people back into the archives...I figured we'd start a'new. I'm not certain why its a problem. It seems simple to me. Sex is like drinking beer--its an activity that creates a buzz. You can do it alone, with friends, or with strangers. If you see it as only pleasure, then you never feel like you "gave it up too soon". You get what you expect, right away. But if you see it as something you trade for company or as a sign of love...then I can see how someone would feel that way, and need to post questions like, "when is it time to have sex in a new relationship?" The difference between love and sex? Love is what happens outside the sex. Sex is a medium thru which one shares life with another. Are there other mediums a person uses to share their life with you? Do they take you to events they enjoy, to hang out with families and friends, et cetera? Then they appreciates your company. Do they help you when you need help, just b/c they hates seeing you hurt? Then they could be in love. anyone want to go further on this...or disagree?

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

When a man... Posted: 11/1/2009 2:08:08 PM
You have to know what the guy's after, to read the body language. for example, if he's looking for a woman to control, then when he figures you're the type of woman to let him make all the decisions for you (ie, "be a man"), then his body language may be that he invades your physical space such as putting his arms around you, as if to contain you. But if he's looking for sex, it may be more hands-on, than arms-around. So ,its not a one-size-fits-all....unless your personality keeps attracting the same type of guy Look back upon your own experiences...how did those guys act? Opening up to a woman? you have to listen to what he says, to know. Does he sound like he's opening up, or just sharing? Or merely bullshitting? If she has potential....sex just comes. If she doesn't have potential to date, but potential for sex, then...sex just comes. Sex is like having a beer--it gives you a buzz. women make the mistake of thinking it means something. Sex is just a medium thru which you can share yourself. Like having a beer, you can have sex w/ a friend, a stranger, or get a buzz on your own. Making love, now that's something different...and hopefully that difference is understood?

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

How To ask the right questions... Posted: 10/31/2009 4:56:06 AM
1) figure out what you're looking for. Then you'll know what to ask for. 2) once you've decided what is important...then you'll know what you're willing to risk, in order to get an answer. i.e., will you use a relationship to make certain you aren't in an exclusive relationship, or is being "not alone" more important and so you don't rock the boat?

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

what exactly is high maintenance Posted: 10/31/2009 4:54:17 AM
1) Wants little....b/c everything is a "need" 2) Won't solve the needs herself, even tho she could...that's what a man is for. 3) Doesn't need to budget her money...a "real man" pays for everything. Comes from being Daddy's little princess too long. 4) Can't keep everything simple. Remember when Harry met Sally, Sally orders a complicated...salad. Its really just to get attention to her, all this complexity to make her look like she is complex. Even when a situation doesn't need complexity. 5) it really comes down to insecurity. People express it in different ways. But for some, the high maintenance is the medium. 6) We find what we seek. If someone doesn't want all the requirements that come w/ a relationship...they tend to find people who won't offer them. If someone is superficial...they tend to find people who make them feel comfortable about being superficial. Et cetera.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

So what should I do? Posted: 10/30/2009 2:02:39 PM
You both are afraid to let go of the sinking ship, so you can each swim alone to separate shores. If she can't decide whether or not to stay married...then it means you aren't part of the equation. She doesn't want to be alone. but she isn't willing to pay a price for it, either. let her make her decisions about what she wants to do when she grows up. if she comes back...she does so with a clear mind. buuuuttt...you too, need to figure out what's important in life. you need to work on not putting yourself first all the time.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Truck drivers Posted: 10/30/2009 5:16:49 AM
Driving a truck is indeed a job...and a boring one at that. that's why I try to give 'em a wide berth. Its not a justification, however, for rude behavior on their part. Check your rear bumper, maybe someone slipped a message on there?

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Its been a year and a half Posted: 10/29/2009 9:35:03 AM
As strong as the emotions feel INSIDE YOUR HEAD...they have absolute zero power outside your head, as you have had proven to you. You can't make this guy do anything, just like all the guys you are ignoring who want to be with you...can't make you dump this guy for them. You're too busy trying to win him over in order to feel good about your value, to notice this. you SEE it, of course, according to that comment about thw two of you working together in that second sentence. so, deep down, you know this isn't a healthy situation...but you still want to beat the odds to prove to yourself your value, so you stick to it. you're more interested in a result, than in a relationship. I say that b/c, if you wanted a relationship....you'd realize you don't have one now. There's enough red flags flying to land an airplane. What you have, is a guy who uses you for what little he needs. He can hang out w/ you only when he wants to, talk to you only when he wants to talk, and get a little intimacy when he wants it--and even have you excuse why he doesn't perform well. He'd be a fool to try to change that--it ain't broke for him, so he's never going to need to fix anything. But you're willing to settle for crumbs, so...you're happy with what you have.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Christmas. Posted: 10/29/2009 9:24:25 AM
when you were with her...ever get the idea she hates to be alone in the world? That having people around, makes her feel better about who she is as a person? that she can't make decisions on her own? that she's in a better mood when someone wants to be around her? that family-type holidays would depress her if she wasn't feeling like she was coupled-up somehow? Having four children might not help her feel like she isn't worthy of adult attention...hence her request to have you around. That may change between now and then, if she finds a new guy...but that's just a guess about a complete stranger.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

He says he needs a break... Posted: 10/27/2009 5:09:35 AM
The candle that burns twice as bright...lasts half as long. He should have been as honest as he claims.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

advice major! Posted: 10/27/2009 5:01:20 AM
What does "have some history" mean? that you two had sex back in school? fooled around? just dated? Maybe he expects to take it to a next level, and that level is sex. or he knows you like sex b/c you had it w/ others, and he wonders why you won't with him. Maybe not having sex, turns it into an issue. but, that's not an excuse to do what you don't want to do. if you two are talking, then tell him you want it slow. if that doesn't work...then what makes him so attractive to you, that he wants what you don't, and won't respect your wishes? timing sex, has nothing to do with doing a relationship right or wrong. relationships fail when two people don't match on a personality level. sex has nothing to do with it. if you two aren't matched up, when you have sex isn't important. it'll fail when its meant to fail. sex is just another medium to interrelate thru.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

question when a male friend reads a profile Posted: 10/26/2009 9:28:01 AM
He thinks you're gonna find someone, and have less time for him. Has he had this experience with you before? Has he had it w/ other friends? Otherwise...he might just like you. who knows? Betcha he does Or maybe he doesn't know either. He ever invade your personal space? Make joking refs, then claim he was kidding?

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

heyy :) i need to know how to get over jealousy Posted: 10/24/2009 1:58:02 PM
begin with the question: what does it really mean, to me, when someone cheats on me? Is it that you can't trust anymore? that it somehow reflects on who you are as a person? Is it that you rely on someone's love to represent something in you, and cheating undoes all that? is it that cheating reveals a lack of power you have over getting others' attention? something else? the more you can pin down what cheating exactly means to you...the closer you get to why it strikes you to your core. Once you get that idea...you have a direction to go in.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Need space after sex? Posted: 10/23/2009 1:13:49 PM
this is a whole lot of rationalization, to avoid seeing the truth. Sex is like having a beer--its about the buzz. You can do it w/ a stranger, a friend, alone. Its what happens after the pleasure, that lets you know what the guy's all about. If he's distant, then its b/c...he doesn't want to be close. and you know what that means, right? it means he doesn't want to be close. Either he doesn't see anything that attracts his interest, or he wasn't interested in much from the beginning.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

From lover to boyfriend Posted: 10/23/2009 9:15:50 AM
what should you do? duh! stop going over there to get sex. Its just that easy. go back to being alone, looking for a healthy relationship. If that's a problem...then the problem doesn't lie with him, or with his family. It lies with you. Both of you are too worried about what other people think, and having control over this relationship. Its why the two of you connected in the first place--those shared beliefs. Work on that part of you, and you' ll find healthier relationships...and won't have to ask this question anymore.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Is it bad to compramise our values? Posted: 10/22/2009 9:36:07 AM
When you learn that you can give to yourself, the things you need in life, then you rely less on people. Which means that, lying just becomes annoying, not threatening. but if you have to rely on someone to tell you the truth, so that you can feel you have their attention, etc, then yes, lying is a big problem--for you. So if you don't rely on others, then your values may not hinge upon them telling you the truth--you take care of your own needs, so if they lied about paying for your bills, its not a big deal, just an irritation that they tried to act like something they aren't. If someone tells a great story about something they did that makes them seem impressive, and it turns out to be a lie...what does it matter to me? I'm not dating them in order to make myself look better. The story was entertaining, I may tell other people in the future during some sit-down-and-BS gathering....sometimes its real fun when my real life can keep up w/ their BS.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

should i continue with her Posted: 10/22/2009 9:30:27 AM
You know how she lives this lifestyle of her's...off of suckers like you. If she wasn't so hot...you'd be able to answer this question. Of course, you aren't the first to help someone only b/c they were hot. do what you want, but don't expect anything in return...that'd be prostitution, after all.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Opinions and Honesty wanted!!!! Posted: 10/22/2009 9:27:52 AM
He gets away with getting what he wants from you (attention, at the very least), and not having to "pay" for it (giving you what you'd like in return). Logically speaking, if he gets what he wants and doesn't have to pay for it...why wouldn't he do that? you can control this, by not giving in. first, ask yourself what do you get, when you give in? and what is it you really want to get? what is the difference between these two? One is important to you, the other isn't so much. If what you get, is attention and validation of your worth, then notice that him getting your attention...is validation of his own worth. you two share this in common, which is probably why you two lasted 3 years, rather than drive each other crazy. Not that this is a great thing, as you imagine...it leads to the "relationship" you have right now....so, work on your self-identity, appreciating what you see in the mirror, and then you'll find behavior like this unattractive--and you'll be able to say no to time wasters.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Is previous infidelity a sign to run from a man? Posted: 10/21/2009 7:23:05 AM
Wow, he swung two houses at once? Is his financial success, or his desire to live beyond his means, that mkes him seem such a great guy to your eyes? The fact you are still asking questions, means you should forget about him, and ask yourself, "why is this so attractive to me?" then you won't make the same mistakes twice.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 238 (view)

A real woman Posted: 10/20/2009 5:11:58 AM
A real woman, has learned she doesn't need sexuality to attract her attention--her personality is enough. Thus, she only needs to apply her sexuality to those worthy of recieving it, and therefore doesn't get it used against her. She doesn't need to use it as a tease for attention. "B!tch" is an acronym, for Babe In Total Control of Herself. A real woman, doesn't need a Daddy figure to take care of her needs in life. She realizes "princess time" ended when she grew out of her teenage years. In fact, she actually wants to be an adult, and be in control of her life, not hand it over to the nearest hot looking control freak. a real woman is curious about life, and wants to learn. She's already learned about herself, and likes what she saw. She may have a lot to offer, or maybe she has something to offer just to certain people like herself. But she's still willing to offer it to people she know will respect her. She's looking to share life...not trying to "get a life" from someone else. She knows having kids isn't about her, or how she'll look or that she'll finally feel like she achieved something in her life...but that it's all about the kids. She knows that acting young, isn't the same as being childish.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

What to do Posted: 10/20/2009 4:54:36 AM
As the others said, get some counseling to find out why you need to win over lovers in order to prove something to yourself or to the world. Also find out why you are attracted to women who can rationalize away disrespect, women who can justify putting their needs ahead of y0ur's, women who are so opportunistic they will see cheating as better than breaking up and being alone in order to find someone new. You may find that, as far as the second paragraph is concerned...you share some of these qualities with these women, which is why these red flags never strike you as bad things. Good luck.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

How is behavior curbed? Posted: 10/19/2009 9:38:51 AM
Wow, this is so blatently obvious. daddy lets her do anything she wants--in other words, sets no limits on a child so they can learn there are boundaries in life. daddy acts like he doesn't care--in other words, the most important man in her life, lets her know she isn't worthy of his attention. So, gee, how can she ever win over a man's attention, if she's taught that? By using sex, since her personality isn't enough to get daddy to take a care in her? this is straight out of any psych class. Yet, the mom is overbearing? the mom is the one teaching her to relate to people without using sexual overtones--dressing properly, and not letting the daughter do what she wants, telling the daughter if she doesn't like it, time to get off the dole and move out and pay her own bills. Its amazing this isn't getting picked up by anyone. 'Bet that daughter acts out for attention, too, but no one knows to notice it as such....

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

How to trust someone ater they left and want back Posted: 10/19/2009 9:32:23 AM
Work on yourself....then you don't have to worry anymore about trust. "Trust issues" boil down to two things: 1) you don't respect yourself enough to date people who respect you. They'll tell you one thing, but you'll ignore their actions until you realize finally that you're being disrespected. Learn to respect yourself, and all you'll ever want to have, are healthy relationships. You'll know you're being respected, just like you know your right arm is still connected to your body. 2) once you learn your strengths, your powers, you shall learn you can handle pain. After you learn that you won't die from heartbreak, that you can handle the pain in a healthy way...you won't have so much fear of it. Heartbreak won't go away...you'll just learn you can handle it. Its a price you won't mind paying, to be happy in life by sharing your life with another healthy human being. Hence, you won't need to trust someone to not hurt you, b/c you've learned you can handle being hurt. Its nothing personal. It doesn't reflect on you. It doesn't affect how other people see your ability to be "successful". Its just an activity, like any other feeling.

gtomustang

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

How soon do you feel safe? Posted: 10/19/2009 9:26:59 AM
Because we are all different, there are different answers. But the best rule is: Get to know yourself. Once you realize you are great company, you won't need a slumber party. i COULD meet someone after only a week, but I let the woman make the decision. I'm in no rush to meet some--unless they are wicked hot, but don't laugh, even the women are posting this. If they can't hold a conversation after a week...why bother meeting them? What can they offer besides sex? People will meet whenever they think their needs will get met. unfortunately, few can tell what is a "need", and what's just a "want". Hence, some rush, some won't. A time limit won't work, b/c as people have posted around this site, they'll always rationalize breaking their own rule--if the guy just seems hot enough. so, get to know yourself first. You always make better choices after that. You don't rush into anything, and you have practiced learning how to read people, by reading youself first.

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