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lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 67 (view)

Do you consider first meet the same as first date Posted: 3/5/2008 10:44:14 AM
Now I must ask myself.......... Is the first meet/date half empty or half full ??????? LIANAPET !!!! ON THE NOSES ! At least from my opinion. You are very wise and can clearly explain yourself here and all would be wise to reread what you wrote. The OP is asking a general black and white question to which there IS NO black and white answer. Way too much gray in there and hopefully a lot of colors to come. It really does depend on just who the 2 are in themselves and their energy , the time of day, the placement of the stars and so much more including which side of their bed they woke up on. LOL There are guidelines that help each person in their quest to find a mate , partner or friend and these change from person to person. Go with the FLOW , OP and do what feels good for you. Stop THINKING so hard and LIVE !!!! You can go your own way, and if you find that the person across the table from you "gets it" , you might have found a match! Take it from there. Reading all the different responding ideas here really shows just part of all the DIFFERENT reactions to the OP question. There is the overall answer to what you ask OP.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 652 (view)

Ladies: your take on short guys? Posted: 3/4/2008 7:21:33 PM
I go with LovingAngel's reply. I too find myself lower to the earth and many call me tiny at 5'3". All men seem tall to me and when I get to date someone and really look into his eyes without craning my neck..... I find that a treat. I have stared into many chins, a bunch of chest, and even a few bellybuttons.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 49 (view)

Do you consider first meet the same as first date Posted: 3/4/2008 7:02:56 PM
I would say its a meet till it becomes a date and it becomes a date if you both hit it off ! If you don't hit it off , than it stays a meet and most likely goes from first meet to only meet. Than its on to the next one. And on and on and on till you get burned out OR get LUCKY ! Than you kiss. A whole lot....... and plan ....... a whole lot and date......... a whole lot , THAN get nakey .

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

High maintenance - material or emotional? Posted: 2/29/2008 10:12:42 AM
Can be both depending on who's involved here. But I always feel that its more emotionally based. It also seems to need a direct feed of DRAMA to survive and grow. A quiet night at home is very rare indeed. Just sharing a day over dinner will be the tip of the ice berg. Also the emotional is fed or starved by the material, which again is connected with the need for drama. "Pinch me quick and remind me I'm still alive! And buy me something to prove you love me. Even if it won't be the right thing , ever ! And I'll cry all night cause you don't really know me. And..... and ......" Continue the discussion in a previously started thread --> Definition of High Maintenance This Thread Closed

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

Guy goes out with woman from online dating site and she shoots him Posted: 2/29/2008 9:38:21 AM
I'm guessing , a second date was just Not gonna happen........... He shouldn't have pressed so hard.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

The transition from single to dating Posted: 2/18/2008 1:51:49 PM
Awkward isn't even half of it for me now. I have been dragging my feet for awhile. I like being on my own so much . I wasn't always this way. Married (twice) kids (grown now) and in jobs that kelp me working deeply in touch w/ humans. I stayed on top of everything and did my best to answer all needs even before they were needs. 24/7. Now , there is peace and quiet and LOTS OF ME TIME. I no longer have to hide to read a book. I can watch any DVD's I want and as many that I want right in a roll. My kind of music can play ALL day long, which by the way is a wide rang. I can surf the web for hours. I do not HAVE to share. Its been wonderful. And I'm finding it hard to want to date. I can spend whole days in my PJs with NO make-up. But darn this weird want for company from time to time. Wondering what it might feel like to hug someone again, or KISS ! Dating has turned into so much work and is so scary now to boot. The few dates I did go on ....... I was antsy to end and get back to my PJs and regain my peace of mind while sipping cocoa and rubbing my dog's back while the 2 cats took their spots on my lap or legs. I haven't been single "all my life " as the OP stated but it has been a long period of time. I have to ask myself when I get an invite to go some where w/ someone...... Am I just being LAZY now or am I really that into being alone. Don't I ever WANT to be kissed again? Touch someone? Awkward is just the tip of the whole thing. I'm lost in TRANSITION. SAve me

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

So How Is This New POF PHONE THING Working out for YOU So Far ? Posted: 2/15/2008 2:50:47 PM
Thanks BLUE !!!! That was very helpful. I went there and signed up and now I guess I wait and see. I did have a little trouble doing the "copy & paste " of that # they gave to connect to a service , but who knows. Maybe it will find its own way there. I'll let everybody here know if it works out in the end. From what I've read here and at another Thread started here by "management" , ..... this seems to be not clear to a lot of folks.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

So How Is This New POF PHONE THING Working out for YOU So Far ? Posted: 2/15/2008 11:57:49 AM
Personally , I still don't really understand how it works. Anyone using it yet?Is it helpful? Are you getting lots of calls ? Or TOO many ? Just wondering. I , myself, am a bit phone shy and prefer IMing but I guess I can give it a shot. Once I understand it. lol

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

This is making me nuts Posted: 2/10/2008 7:51:09 PM
Oh my GOSH !!!! Garnet73 You did a wonderful job summing it all up. My headache has magically lifted and I bet I'll sleep better tonight. Thank you. BethHaw ( SashaSashaOB) If you are still seeking a peek in on this tread you started, I hope you can step back and see the good with the "bad" here. People were not trying to hurt you. They were and are responding to the story you told and IT is a very hard one to be asked to see and judge or advise. Take a first lesson just from that. Than step into the other's shoes and walk a bit. Its being done TO you. What do you think? Therapy IS a good way to go and it doesn't mean you are crazy. Garnet, I will have to find ways now to use that term "compete bunny boiler " in general chats more often . Or better yet , put it on T-Shirts and bummer stickers.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

This is making me nuts Posted: 2/10/2008 12:43:52 PM
Now this is making ME nuts! Who again was the original OP? BethHaw or SashaSayOB ? Was she already using 2 profiles? Or is it MPD? lol My brain hurts LOL . I need popcorn now too.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

This is making me nuts Posted: 2/10/2008 10:18:31 AM
Opps ! Not Beth , I got the poster wrong but the post remains the same.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

This is making me nuts Posted: 2/10/2008 10:15:37 AM
Beth, I read each and every word of what you wrote. Did you? Your answers are all right there and the best you can do with this whole thing if you want to face it with logic, is reread it as an outsider. You will see that the person that got so wrapped up in all this DRAMA could have some issues to face in her life that have nothing to do w/ dating . OCD comes to my mind along w/ others emotional and mental disorders. Don't get upset here. But do look for a doctor to talk with soon. I've been there a long time ago and you can get better. You kelp referring to yourself as someone that ISN'T LIKE THAT. But even you must sense how out of control you were and understand that this IS part of who you are right now. You don't want to ever go there again and can take steps now , not too. Don't just " already felt bad enough about it and this is making it worse" about this. Face it and get help. By just taking so much of your time to post all this , in a men's thread, by the way, you are still in the middle of a "bad spell" and will not get better with out real help. I don't know if you can stop this thread now , yourself but it will fade away and become the past we learn from. As will the whole thing if you can just let it go and not bring it up to the outside world. See someone to talk with professionally. Don't let it make you NUTS anymore.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

Once You Finally Do Her Posted: 2/9/2008 9:25:08 PM
OK OK you're right Slumberparty. I shouldn't butt in on your post here but the DO was just too funny. Made me thing of Mt Dew and all those ads they had. LOL And F**k is just too blunt. Screw is still used but getting old and odd and ball is from way to back there . Hummmmm whats PC for one to say now? Lay has been a good one but is it dated yet? But again there I go butting in again. I mean no harm. I understand what is is your asking here and the answers have been very interesting too. So of the guys are really funny. Sorry again Slumberparty Lalani PS I started a thread today too , feel free to butt in there if you want.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

Once You Finally Do Her Posted: 2/9/2008 7:17:39 PM
Side Track Question here............ " Once you finally DO her " ........... How many of you males out there relate to this DO thing? To DO a woman ? Yes I've heard it before many times but mostly back in High School. Do older guys still DO women? Are you comfortable saying or thinking it? I guess I've been DONE to and DID to in my adventuress past. Heard back from past lovers that they still fantasize the good times when I hear from them. Guess they was to DO me again like its been DONE before. How sweet , for old times sake. But once I have been DID and that relationship is over w/ them ,.... I don't DO RE DOS ! LOL lol No really , I want to know Once you finally "DO" her . How do you all stand on this? Thank you

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 231 (view)

Close encounters with the disordered kind Posted: 10/30/2007 11:07:13 AM
And before anyone might want to take my whole War Room statement apart and say ....... compare it to the real war going on and those involved in it. Don't !!! Just don't. Not part of this. Just compared with all war in genural from history and all over the world. Many wars have been staged and some were just and some were fool hardy. Look to history books.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 230 (view)

Close encounters with the disordered kind Posted: 10/30/2007 10:56:24 AM
Chocolatebrowne Me too!!! This whole thread is LOST ! And so very off tract as well. Those who it might have been aimed at in the beginning have been shut out and made ashamed again maybe. Those with the close encounters regardless of degree or "right" to label, cause if they were a trained professional , chances are might never have had these close encounters in the first place. Thank you to the woman who admitted that even with her training , she was fooled too once. It helps us everyday people not feel so stupit in the end by what we learn ourselves , sometimes the hard way, repeated again and again. Those here picking on each other and yelling the right to call names , and stuff. You all seem to me the General in the WAR ROOM pushing around the controls and logic of a war and so very far away from those on the frontline, fighting the battles and trying to just survive. The ones living it till they finally get away , sent home and as a VET. Try to put their everyday lives back together , restoring their feelings and view of others back to an average everyday, "not everybody out there is needing to get me" state. Rebuilding relationships, trust and themselves. Not an easy thing to do and feeling you were not the only fool and hearing from others how they got fooled too and how they are dealing and coming back, really helps. Yes most have their doctors if it got to that point but it helps to chat with other and NOT feel so bewildered and alone. And these lists CAN help a person put into words what they lived and see themselves and the one they loved and tried so hard to live with for however long and for what ever reasons. And not feel like a total loser. It was real what they think they went through. Now how to get better. Many of you also feel that this is the kind of threat that doesn't belong on a Dating Forum at all. There are hundreds of threads here and so many different topics. To some , they might feel most don't belong but This is a Forum and comes from the thoughts and ideas of so many. If you don't like or disagree with something. You don't have to partake in it. Go to another or start your own. And if most of you Generals think THIS thread has nothing to do with dating, think again. For some of us, it has everything to do with DATING. Think about it. But only if you want to, if not , you can just walk away.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 161 (view)

Close encounters with the disordered kind Posted: 10/28/2007 9:52:28 PM
Thank you again Ravenstar ! Wonderful information !

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 160 (view)

Close encounters with the disordered kind Posted: 10/28/2007 9:50:46 PM
Oh Gee fall leaves, Did you really have to add that???? I could say that as well regarding men IN MY LIFE but its NOT the point here at all. But sents you bring it up...... I had to take a deep long look at myself when I felt that all or most men I met in all the aspects of my life came from this background from many of the NPDs. What are the chances of that???? Huh? Really , they were all "bad" I was "good" ?????? I had to except that there was or is stuff in my own personality that attracts. Like moths to the flame. The "neon sign " on my forehead I thought I must have. Any spent a few years in Therapy learning about. Not a victim, but victimize none the less. Had to learn more about myself and how to avoid repeating the same things over and over again. How to change myself for a more positive outcome and I must say that seeing the LISTs that are posted here has only made me all the more aware of what I need to remember and look out for. Thank you to those few here who have really tried to give useful information.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 153 (view)

Close encounters with the disordered kind Posted: 10/28/2007 4:44:27 PM
Kevin, This thread was NOT started to SAVE Victims. I sure didn't see that at first. I saw it innocently asking other's if they might understand the idea from a personal way. There are so many different ways to look at the same thing when looked at by a room full of people. The beginning of this thread really had a innocent start and purpose direction. How it has gone so out of whack is still not clear to me. By the way........ I personally was originally looking at this thread not as a victim but as a survivor and that this was just a question from a maybe one to others yet still not trying to shut anyone out. Just about something that some may relate to. Why does this cause so much trouble? Why?

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 149 (view)

Close encounters with the disordered kind Posted: 10/28/2007 3:45:23 PM
And its all STILL missing the point , HUH ???!!!

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 143 (view)

Close encounters with the disordered kind Posted: 10/28/2007 2:33:07 PM
Ravenstar, Oh how I hear you. I wanted to let you know that I do hear you. There is a lot of "other" stuff going on here.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 129 (view)

Close encounters with the disordered kind Posted: 10/28/2007 10:29:29 AM
I am so amazed at how this thread as gone so wild!!!! It has grown in so many different directions and strayed away from what I felt was the original intent. At first I thought this would be a very good and helpful thread that people who felt close to it could have a place to perhaps read and feel apart of a little understood area. When I first replyed to this post , way back on the first page. I answered from what I thought was the heart of the question. I have followed the post from there and I'm in awl as to what has happened here. And I wonder about the people here who don't post for fear of how it might be taken. alexa61, It looks like it became a "depends on who's reading it and where they sit in the pecking order of life" I think I tryed to reply to your intent before. Thank you for being it up out of what can be a very dark place for many. Let go of trying to defend your right to post it. There will always be those who will come at it from the only side they can relate to. Kevin and arugula and the others who seen to want to fight this thread and tag. Start a new thread and raise the question of say, .... What's your opinion of people who are not trained labeling others ? Or If your not a Doctor with a Degree, Stay out of the Post !!!! Don't answer here!!!! Bringing this down to the simple begining it had. I again want to address how I saw the thread. I and others first reading it , was asked if I or anyone else had anything to say regarding our own time within this area. Not if we are experts or not! alexa61 was addressing the "every man or woman" but mostly women. She is a woman. I answered with one spend on the question and what I felt I might have learned from my personal time in this. To me , it take both sides. The one who falls into the "list" of perhaps doer and those who Loved them. It was those who LOVED them that I took this whole thread was began. What Happened ??? !!!!!!!

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Close encounters with the disordered kind Posted: 10/23/2007 3:13:05 PM
Chocolate, You are so very very right with this . Again , sometimes people need to learn the "hard" way. Sometimes people can give way too much love and understanding and wonder why its happening to them so much. And seems to repeat in their lives. Like there is a LIGHT pointing the way to them. You know what I mean???

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Close encounters with the disordered kind Posted: 10/23/2007 11:31:05 AM
There are the USERS and the USED and the weird way , with time , that it can flip and really become very grey. When or best IF I ever take the time to reopen that "baggage" I hoped to leave by the side of life's path. I can only be fair and look at my part in it all. When I read a thread like this, ...... I will maybe open that baggage to see if I have any wisdom to share. I have learned from what I see in there but everybody's storys are different. There is no black or white here. And for those of you who have lived this thread in any way,......... you know what I mean. I'll private chat or e-mail anyone who wants too.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Has dating lost it`s luster? Posted: 10/22/2007 9:30:12 AM
VERY VERY VERY much so !!! Was thinking it might only be me but after reading this whole thread down to "Arts or Anz" Sorry dude, forgot your name. Just what is this DATING THING suppose to be about really? I find that in my effort to try to date, I only feel more out of it and alone and somewhat LAZY about the whole thing. Jaded, burned out and turning into a "crotchedy old lady". I've decided that it's just too much work to try to sort out a real relationship of any kind here at POF and most every other site as well. I am getting "hits" here and they all seem so nice but when it comes to going on a "date", it is me that drags my heels. BUT, let it be known now, that after many many beginnings here , only one guy has had the staying power because we see that we both have a lot alike in our lifes. WE both think we are lazy. So we chat daily. This has been fun and it fits into what I find I can do. Same for him. We admit that we are loners and both hardly leave our homes inless we HAVE TOO. We have a idea of meeting someday for coffee but who knows. When it gets right down to the bare bottom, I guess I really DON'T wanna DATE ! I want Friends. Just to chat with. No more games, no more working on trying to be liked, wanted, etc. I like me and want me. I really do find thats all I need.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

You won't meet someone new in your living watching TV Posted: 10/17/2007 1:45:08 PM
Guess thats why I feel so darn comfortable there

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

How much time do you devote to dating Posted: 10/17/2007 1:42:18 PM
To be honest as much with myself as to anybody here that cares. I would have to say NONE , ZIP, NADA, ZERO etc. So I can't complain at all. I get what I get .

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

What does it mean ... ? Posted: 10/17/2007 1:39:10 PM
This IS really funny !! My first thought was , What is his idea of a 30 yr olds "stamina" and is he comparing it to when he WAS a 30 yr old. So I agree that one should ask him what being 30 was like for him. I know a few 30 yr olds now and from my past. Interesting mix of folks there. My own son will be 30 this next month and I already know from his long time girlfriend , her idea of a 30 yr old males stamina is. LOL And as I said I known and knew a few myself. My second thought was , is he still 30 in his MIND as well? That can make a big differents too. Emotionally , how are most 30 yr olds. Are they still works in process? The ones I knew were. AND having been an older woman in a relationship w/ a younger man, 30 to my 50. Well I could have a lot to say from that too . But it doesn't matter cause it all comes back to the one 54 yr old who still relates to being 30 , at least in stamina. To get anywhere here now we would need to ask the 54 yr old what HE means!!! Cotter , you should do it and get back this to us . LOL

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Avoid being jaded, how to Posted: 10/17/2007 1:18:23 PM
Tilapia This is a very good question and the answers have been very meaningful as well. But I ask you, .......... Is being jaded a BAD thing ? Guess its just how one looks at it. I am jaded and I embrace it. Its like being out there , learning things and having them mean something to me. I am jaded and proud of it. I feel like I have a very deep understand to some of life's secrets. And that it give me the power now to never choose to be hurt by it or fooled by anyone again. I can be jaded fairly by not labeling anything to come into my life before it unfolds but to just know myself in it all. I have to own my jaded ideas as my own. And leave those that come next to be who ever they really are to unfold in there own time. Being jaded lets me not be surprised by anything that comes next. And when something does happen one way or another. I look deeply into it now as far as my part of it goes. It is all I have any real control or say in anyway. In this way , I find I agree a lot with KnightinShiningArmoire's take on this thread. PS Tilapia, I love all ur postings AND your photo.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 54 (view)

Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married? Posted: 10/16/2007 10:32:41 AM
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO ! NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER Ever Again Are YOU insane ? I was blind-sided but both my ex hubbies into thinking we should do that marriage thing. I NEVER saw the POINT. And was lucky to get out of both unions ALIVE and not compleatly NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR drinking to forget Marriage has to be one of those old ideas MEN dreamed up along with Bras and High Heeled Shoes.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Welcoming the Over 45 Newbies Posted: 10/15/2007 10:10:49 AM
Wait........ I , for one , like a thread like this. Why not lend a few stories to the newbies? In doing so , it give us all time to reflex and review our own path. It should reinforce our shared company here and show that none of us are wrong in the steps we have taken so far and feel more blended. This can be a wonderful sharing thread. And a good teacher with in and with out. My first ............ newbies ! Don't be alarmed at the first wave of attention that you will get here. If you are female, it will seem that your cup runs over so quickly and it could really confuse you. It will almost seem to EASY. Remember , this is a fishing site and you may seem to be hooking one fish after the other but as you pull them into the boat. Don't let your boat sink. There will be a need to toss back a great many that are not the right size , most will be too young and need to be released to mature. The pool will calm down and it will allow the fishing to become easyer. But remember that real fishing takes time and you'll learn to enjoy the quiet alone time.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Are you 'just like dad'? Posted: 10/10/2007 9:09:49 AM
No Never !! Nor am I anything like my mother. But I did learn a lot from them. I watched them both carefully and made sure what I was NOT to be. They were really forceful teachers , each with their own styles. Wow , together they were scary! I learn to be everything they were not. I reinvented myself. And now , I too can proudly say that I see myself in my grown kids. I broke the chain there and I'm so glad!!!!

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

I just think we have all become too fussy Posted: 10/6/2007 9:14:17 PM
Wow I Bet she did a double take at the interview. That would have been very fun to see. But I got a twisted sense of humor when Karma pays a call. By the way , There is nothing "wrong" w/ your looks at all. Wonder what your vives are like. I go by feeling with everything I got to pick up on a guys personality. PS I like bald guys

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 206 (view)

how do you feel about getting old? Posted: 9/29/2007 10:16:05 AM
Loved that answer peterjol, Getting OLD sucks !!!! But we all know and hold onto the " you are as young as you feel" "being young is a state of mind" and "age is only a number" Well I still act like a 30 year old and can behave much younger too. But each day it is still getting harder to get out of bed. Creeky bones , dizzy head and limbs just not getting enough blood as I sleep. But I still think " I'm not that old !!!! 52 is not that old !!!" Well , than there comes a website being talked about by major News Station and what not. A friend of mind tales the test there and tell me about it. My friend is 63 and she reported to me that she came out with the age of 53. By the way the site is RealAge.com. Very useful site with great imformation. Check it out. Well she send me to the site. I'm so young at heart , I thought , "why not"? Took the test and guess how old I really am? 69.4. What an eye opener. At 52 I was expecting to live atleast till 80. I better get my butt going and get out and LIVE I might only have another 10 yrs here . Moral of this story : Think yourself young all you want but if the body isn't in on it , you better work more on the comunication. PS Forgive any misspellings here........... I'm old !

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

The 7yr Marriage... Posted: 9/22/2007 8:24:10 PM
Pinebreeze Yup, you got it ! I was sure a push over and seemed to help lay the ground work by being so. Most first entering marriage are young people who are just starting out full of ideas. Still learning and growing to be the person they will be. They will jump a head of themselves sometimes by the blinding light of LOVE and sometimes not see clearly. Would be nice to have a "failsafe" in line for them. A way out if needed. We learn from our mistakes to move forward to the person we will be. What are the FACTS now that we tax payer get from the departments set up to investigate the rate of marriage survival rates ? I know it is no longer the 50/50 % of marriages to last as in the 90's . I believe it to be more 40/60 % now. I still think it to be a wiser idea and it will make people really think deeply about a union and what it takes to make it work. PS Screw Dr. Phil my motto has always been "treat others as you would like to be treated" I lived by that my whole life and I do sometimes get burned for it. Sooner or later I might get lucky. The two I married kind of used my good nature. What can I say, young person that could have really used a 7 yr contract ruling.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

The 7yr Marriage... Posted: 9/22/2007 2:23:44 PM
I for one have been a backer of this idea for ages. Even before my first marriage at age 20. I tryed to talk my first husband into not being my husband and just living with each other and working for a long term balance that we would both have to really work on everyday if we really cared for each other and wanted it to work. Marriage and the paperwork invoved can be a real trap. I hate binding paperwork. So black and white. In relationships , it can and will most times lead to lazy unions. The old ideas of marriage is a thing of the past with all the rules set out , man made rules, I must add. And most women getting the short end of the deal. He talked me into it with a load of promises yet once I was hooked, he felt free and secure to go out into the world to "really find himself" . I was in his back pocket for just in case and support. It went 10 yrs with me being the understanding one and him finding himself at last. We ended friends for the most part and we have a son we both love. My second husband started dating me knowing my views on marriage and excepting them as part of my wonderful free spirit and it was great the 3 yrs that we lived together before he decited that we must marry. Stupit me, I was again talked into it feeling I really knew him. Stupit me upon seeing how quickly that went south right after the papers were signed. Off he went with me his steady support while he needed to find himself as well. For 10 yrs again. We have a daughter and again we somehow ended it being friends. Its cause both saw me as a wonderful free spirited hippie chick with open ideas that they loved but needed to tame them to hold while they really looked at what else they can havein this world. Both miss what we had and are in relationships that they don't understand but deal with. I just wish I stuck to me belives and avioded the PAPER TRAILS. They can gumm up everything thing. Renewable marriages for those that insist on marriage.......... Very good , very sane idea!!!! My spend on it is 5 years at a time, not 7. Everybody can come out of it better that way , even the kids, or a relationship can really have deeper meaning.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

How you can see her real heart Posted: 9/21/2007 9:22:06 AM
Clay Pot !!!!! Thank you Sister for finding just the right way to explain this to the little shallow minded thinkers. Wait........ THINKER! I hope he finds happiness in his tiny little box of a world and pays for a really great health plan. He will need it.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

How you can see her real heart Posted: 9/20/2007 3:50:40 PM
cojo5 What a blanketed black & white Shallow statement. So very sorry for you. Some woman must have hurt you very badly. There are men who leave women too in times of sickness. Not everybody is made able to deal with somethings as there will be others that are born to it. Empathy is something we are born with . More for some , less for others and even some that can't understand it at all. There is a balance to all this. We need to take EACH person as they come and except them as they are. We're all different and our levels of empathy it controled a lot by what we each came from. Life for each of us and what added to the forming of our hearts and minds. If someone finds that they cannot relate to a certain group of people, the sick, the old, the too young . It is best to see it in yourself and remove yourself from that surrounding. There will be those that are draw to these place , these peoples , because they are the balance. They will fill the needs and the rolls. Don't blanket !!!!! cojo5 you meet the right woman for YOU and she would stay. As long as the 2 of you had a good balance . Does this make sense?

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 561 (view)

Long hair on older women Posted: 9/19/2007 10:24:07 AM
I for one find I'm needing to grow my hair back as well. I got a little crazy a couple of years but and started cutting my long hair shorter and shorter. I was looking for a cut that would be more wash and wear for my natural curls. I had forgotten all those "poodle cuts' I ended up with as a child. I wanted change so much after my last relationship ended , I cut it down to a few inches and Wham, there was poodle girl again. Talk about a nightmare. Well its back to being much longer and the curls are free. Even my ex younger boyfrind is enjoying looking at them again lol and will stop by for visit , just visit , as old friends again. Nice. Friends in my poker circle say I h00ave the "sexest hair in my little city" . I guess I'll be keeping it long for the rest of my life.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 339 (view)

Is kissing more or less important to you in a relationship as you get older? Posted: 9/19/2007 9:24:32 AM
Serenitycw, Oh my oh my. Thanks for reminding me. Awwwwwww what sweet memories. I even went way back in my mind to my first kiss and almost felt the magic rush that came from out of nowhere to open my eyes. WOW ! So yes kissing ( and hugging) ARE very important ! Being older, all the more so. How many of us can see that as we got older , we really don't "touch" other people outside of out "zone" The zone being our family members, old friends , you know. Romance is few and spread out. To get close enough to hug or even KISS some one now takes a lot of thought and preparing. What will it all mean? Stuff like that. Gonna be awhile to get to "kissing for hours or getting lost in a kiss" With age , we all THINK to much. Do we trust enough to let this person cross our "safty zone" to even touch? When kissing was fresh and young, it could curl toes ! And now we all would love to have that again. But we think too much. Can it still happen. I sure hope so. I hope I can be brave enough to try again..... to just let it happen.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

At This Moment, How do you Feel about Time? Posted: 9/17/2007 11:06:32 AM
Time IS Racing Pass so quickly now. I have a hard time keeping up. So I just don't. No matter what , we're all racing in the same direction and we'll all be there in the end. Personally I believe there are " next level" to move to than. But thats me.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

Alone Posted: 9/16/2007 2:39:27 PM
WOW ! I just read this whole thread here. Interesting, I don't feel so alone anymore. I am not the only one doing this. There is a bunch of us here faced with this. We're like a Forum Family. Speaking of which, I almost went NUTs the last 2 days not being able to get in here. But ITS back and you all are back and life is good. But to really answer the stated question as I understand it....... I am fine alone. I could and would do things alone, cause I just don't want to wait anymore. Everybody else seems too busy to get out and enjoy now. At least , those around me. BUT I have a real problem to deal with getting out now. I always did my best NOT to turn total recluse but this illness I got has sort of robbed me of my Free will. LOL. I now CAN'T go out alone and everybody around me are STILL too busy. Weird huh? So I say to you all here, ..... If you can still get yourself out the door and to anywhere you want to go. Don't put it off !!! Its a step in the right direction and open doors to all sort of maybes that can happen on any given day. If you don't get out your door, your have cut your chances of anything thing happening by 99%. Now get going.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

Alone Posted: 9/16/2007 2:37:13 PM
WOW ! I just read this whole thread here. Interesting, I don't feel so alone anymore. I am not the only one doing this. There is a bunch of us here faced with this. We're like a Forum Family. Speaking of which, I almost went NUTs the last 2 days not being able to get in here. But ITS back and you all are back and life is good. But to really answer the stated question as I understand it....... I am fine alone. I could and would do things alone, cause I just don't want to wait anymore. Everybody else seems too busy to get out and enjoy now. At least , those around me. BUT I have a real problem to deal with getting out now. I always did my best NOT to turn total recluse but this illness I got has sort of robbed me of my Free will. LOL. I now CAN'T go out alone and everybody around me are STILL too busy. Weird huh? So I say to you all here, ..... If you can still get yourself out the door and to anywhere you want to go. Don't put it off !!! Its a step in the right direction and open doors to all sort of maybes that can happen on any given day. If you don't get out your door, your have cut your chances of anything thing happening by 99%. Now get going.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 134 (view)

Ladies...is rejection harder at our age? Posted: 9/14/2007 9:14:29 PM
We can't please them all and I wouldn't want to. To the ones that reject me, oh well, it wasn't meant to be. Works out better for both of us. I'll be able to see the ones that stick around clearer. In the meantime , I'm getting a lot of me time.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

Does your town or area offer any groups for older singles? Posted: 9/14/2007 12:32:29 PM
WE GOT NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING !!!!!! It Sucks here !!! Wait, there is Bingo and the Center of Seniors but other wise ... NOTHING !

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 108 (view)

How long have you been doing on line dating? Posted: 9/13/2007 1:44:16 PM
Ps I forget that I walk with a cane........ Maybe they're just saying that to me to make me feel better about myself. At least online , they don't have to see the cane.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 106 (view)

How long have you been doing on line dating? Posted: 9/13/2007 11:22:18 AM
I've come to realize that all this is sort of pretend dating. Been doing this off and on from when it first became available. For some of us mostly home bound folks, its the nearest thing to being a real girl as it comes. When I am out in the real world, I find that most men are afraid to even ask me out. They look at me and get some idea that I'm out of their range. What the heck is that about???? I'm shy out and about and they take it as I'm acting above them. I really try to not be this way. If I get brave and make the efforts , they start moving way too fast. I get shy again and back off. So now I find that this pretend dating online thing can fill up a bunch of hours and I don't really need to get out there that much. LOL I can feel pretty inside and still be in my hanging around PJs. The few I do get out to meet from all this move too fast. I am alone and really getting use to it. Its not a bad thing. Does this icon scare anyone else ???????

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Whats the silliest thing you fought over when you split? Posted: 9/11/2007 11:32:05 AM
Our collection of David Bowie CDs and the copy of Brian Faries' AVALON. I lost those fights. But have found my own copies. HAH !

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 202 (view)

At 45+ How long we wait to have sex??? Posted: 9/10/2007 5:41:27 PM
I was lucky enough to hit my sexual prime at 42 and its been healthy from than on. I was also lucky enough to meet a wonderful guy 20 younger than me. Talk about great timing here. He was the just what I needed than. Before that , I didn't really know my own being. A wake up call LOL. Ladies ( and gents) over 45 If you click with someone we really don't have to wait any longer than we feel like it ! I agree withP-tristhedish here.

lalani

Joined: 6/16/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

Now that we are over 45 let's look back... Posted: 9/9/2007 8:15:11 PM
5 years ago is not who you were than. You have grown beyond that person and growing still to who you'll be.

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