Married. So Why Is My Home Not His Home? chat & forums.

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Thread: Married. So Why Is My Home Not His Home?

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 155 (view)

Married. So Why Is My Home Not His Home? Posted: 9/16/2009 5:35:02 AM
No one in this situation is paying the mortgage, everyone is paying rent though. Renting from a relative and "paying the mortgage" are two diffent things entirely. One's just a temporary landlord/tennant situation, the other is a "neener neener neener you can't touch this" thing. Personally, I wouldn't have paid a dime on the house after marriage until both OUR names were on the title someplace. I've seen too many people get screwed over in similar situations one way or another.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 53 (view)

government healthcare Posted: 9/16/2009 5:19:39 AM
I'll agree that we need some kind of health care reform, but... You really should try living in a country that has public health care before you jump on this bandwagon. Over age X and need operation Y? Good luck, everyone in the world gets to cut in front of you in the queue.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 146 (view)

How many women here prefer short/skinny men? Posted: 7/1/2009 2:28:57 AM
Height is very often a specific criteria in getting dates. Height is a prerequisite for many women. A starting mark which will determine whether or not they are willing to date a man. I've been around long enough to know. I've been around long enough to know it's very fungible - if not downright irrelevant.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

...Why the Moon..? Posted: 7/1/2009 2:21:48 AM
Ask and ye shall recieve Gent: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/magazine/issues/fall07/articles/fall07pg4-7.html http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_medicine Everything from Cheomotherapy, Radiation Therapy, Pacemakers, Dialysys, to the modern version of the crutch.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

Are you RACIST? Posted: 7/1/2009 2:13:22 AM
Well that sucks CW. I'll admit I've dated the rainbow, that being said there's a few racial types I just don't find attractive in general and it takes an exceptional person in that category to pique my interest. Probably my biggest pet peeve is when folks call other's racist when they don't share much in the way of demonstrated religious and social beliefs in common and the persuer plays it as a trump card.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Question for the ladies Posted: 7/1/2009 2:07:08 AM
Best one: "Hey nice shoes - wana **?" Worst: "Hey nice shoes - wana **?" Only partially kidding. Romance isn't dead, but damn - a bit of CPR now and then would help on both sides of the fence!

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

My sex drives gone up.. Posted: 7/1/2009 2:02:01 AM
Back on topic... With the right person, it's still all about the '"wham-bam-thank-you-mam" the only real difference is that foreplay starts a day or two early(via email, text or phone) - and she hangs around the next day for "aftershocks". ;)

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Are you RACIST? Posted: 6/26/2009 1:12:05 AM
"I asked if he knew the victim" Was what she asked, not what he knew about the victim. And in the context the question was asked, the answer means "He was a transient outsider, there wasn't much to know."

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

Is there anyone out there that would date shorter men Posted: 6/26/2009 1:04:43 AM
I've got a bud who's 6'3" and he won't date anyone over about 5'8". Odd thing is I'm about 5'7" and I prefer to date a bit taller than me. It's actually quite amuzing to see us out on a double, most people assume that pairings aren't what they appear to be.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

...Why the Moon..? Posted: 6/26/2009 12:53:27 AM
OP - You do realize that your entire argument is countermanded by one simple fact: Without these "wasteful" excursions, an extremely sizable chunk of today's modern technology in just about every field - especially medicine, biology, and chemistry, wouldn't exist.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 57 (view)

Blown Off Posted: 6/7/2009 12:00:52 PM
She's not interested. Move on. If you make a date with someone and they call in advance to RESCHEDULE to new firm date/time due to something important coming up - that's fine, poop happens. If they don't call/show and stand you up, or call at the last second to cancel with vague "next week sometime" kinda stuff - that's them being stupid. Next! If they don't commit to a date, and you sit around all night waiting for them - that's you being stupid.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 105 (view)

Shocked! how can someone be so demoralising! Posted: 6/7/2009 11:48:50 AM
Yet another thread full of the old "How dare you have standards? Only I'm allowed to have standards" bull. Reality check. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Women are WAY more likely to have a laundry list 3 pages long of "requirements" and heaven forbid if you're not able to check off everything on the list, why shouldn't men? Seriously - grow up. You're just butthurt because you didn't meet his standards, so you couldn't reject him first for not meeting yours.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 247 (view)

Friendship First Posted: 6/7/2009 11:36:28 AM
If you are that scared of rejection, and lack the moral courage to ask for what you want, then yes absolutely - be "just friends" for as long as it takes you to manipulate and monopolize their time so that you're the object of your affections only relationship possibility. I'll go the dating route myself. Most of the real friends I have started out as romantic interests that went the other direction for whatever reason.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Are you RACIST? Posted: 6/7/2009 11:19:27 AM
There's a huge difference between prejudice and racism, and honestly I'm getting a bit tired of people trying to say they're the same thing. They're not, it's a very simple distinction. We're all prejudiced to an extent, it's just part of our social conditioning as well as our experiences. i.e. If I round a corner on a street and on one side is a group of teens dressed like gang-bangers, and on the other side of the street is another group of teens in suits singing, I'm going to go down the side of the street with the teens in suits. Experience has taught me that the odds of getting my ass mugged/robbed/shot is much less with the people in suits. Racism is when people honestly don't believe that a certain ethnic group is entiteled to the same basic human rights, and opportunities as their ethnic group, or that another ethnic group is patendly inferior. There are a few racist pockets left in the US, but as a whole, I don't think that the majority of people in the US are racist anymore, and the issue itself is taking care of itself with every new generation. It really is a different country than it was 60 years ago.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Girlfriends??? Boyfriends???? Posted: 5/26/2009 2:33:16 PM
In my experience, there's really two general groups "friends" fall into. 1. Real friends: They each add value to each other's lives, there's a level of intimacy, but there's a basic factor that would exclude a romantic relationship from hapening. Sometimes they started out as a romantic interest, sometimes not. Both people are basicly equal in the relationship. If you're going to be jealous of anyone in your Significant Other's life, this is the person to be jealous of. Not because s/he's a threat to your relationship, but because no matter how good of a relationship you two have, odds are that they're connecting at a level you two don't. It's healthy, it's normal. You just have to be adult enough to handle it. 2. Orbiters: One of the two really would like to have a romantic relationship with the other, but either lacks the confidence/self-esteem to deal with romantic rejection, or social knowledge to make the move. So they decide to "be friends" and wait for the moon, stars, etc to align perfectly and for the object of their affections to "wake up" and realize that their "soulmate" has been right in front of them the whole time. It's really a very unhealthy relationship dynamic, and 9 times out of 10 the object of the affection let's the realtionship continue simply because we all like to have our egos stroked. You don't need to be jealous of these folks (pitty maybe) - they just won't pull the trigger. You do need to be warry of them though, they're the types that'll help that entire "cosmic alignment" thing come to pass if they can. All in the guise of being a friend of course...

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

bbq food tips Posted: 5/26/2009 1:44:54 PM
BBQ is done low and slow - that's all there is to it, and anything else is either grilling or smoking. Gas, wood, charcoal all have their own pros and cons. As for the rub/sauce question, that depends on where you're from. For me is rub 100% of the time and sauce on the side. The real measure of good BBQ is the fact you don't need to slather the sauce on for it to be good.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Warning women about piercings? yes or no Posted: 5/17/2009 12:55:26 PM
If the topic of tattoos and piercings comes up in conversation, just state it matter of factly.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

ONE Line Answer- What's the AGE Gap You Can Overcome? Dummies Guide to How to Bridge a Big Age Gap! Posted: 5/14/2009 8:19:51 PM
21-mid 40's seems to be my current range.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

HI LORRE!! Posted: 5/14/2009 8:15:50 PM
If that's what you think, that's what you'll get. It really doesn't matter what your physical traits are (as long as you're not too extreme one way or the other) , as long as you're confident, clean, and can convey your personality in a positive manner, women will find you attractive.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

For Men Only Posted: 5/14/2009 8:08:31 PM
now if you can ACCURATELY decipher those, i'd be truly impressed !!!!! If she replies. She's interested - at least somewhat. You won't really know anything worthwile until you two are face to face.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 69 (view)

Washington men Posted: 5/14/2009 8:04:08 PM
Holy Thread resurections Batman... "We can't date, I haven't known you for 6 years" or "We should be friends first, if it's meant to be it'll happen eventually" - Both of which are saying the same thing, and both of which I'd never heard before I moved here. It's definitely a Seattle thing, and yes - men and women around here have a much different mindset when it comes to dating/romance.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

your vehicle here and dating... Posted: 5/14/2009 7:48:47 PM
It's not the car, it's the upkeep. Is it reasonably clean inside and out? Does it smell like dog or cheeseburgers? Is there visible garbage or a neat little trash bag? Bingo! It doesn't matter what it is, it's how you take care of it.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

If the local men and women arn't working out for ya.... Posted: 5/14/2009 7:44:41 PM
If people want to look outside their area for someone more to their liking, why not? That's not what the OP meant. What we has was saying is if you live here, but are from someplace else and find the natives a bit "standoffish" look for folks living here that are in your situation as well. And yeah, it works. :) You should be chasing someone with the whole package then just someone in dasiy dukes.. Keep looking at the package with the pretty wrapping but it is the gift inside that is more important.. That goes for both genders.. True, but even the most amazing thing in the world won't sell if the packaging isn't attractive to someone. It doesn't have to be the prettiest bow, and the glossiest wrapper, but a generic brown wrapper and scotch tape doesn't do either the box or the purchaser any favors - and that goes for both sexes as well.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

flirting by text message Posted: 5/8/2009 1:48:35 AM
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/tech/2009/05/07/dcl.intv.flirtexting.cnn This is what I'm talking about. I hate to say it... buy the chick book. You're doing it wrong.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

How should I interpret this Posted: 5/8/2009 1:40:41 AM
Face the facts. You're not "ThE OnE", but you're on hot-standby. Meaning when she needs either sexual satisfaction, or an emotional tampon (I'll give you odds on which happens more often) you're the one she'll ping. Stop communication with her, and move on.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Just can't quite understand ?? Posted: 5/8/2009 1:40:10 AM
Face the facts. You're not "ThE OnE", but you're on hot-standby. Meaning when she needs either sexual satisfaction, or an emotional tampon (I'll give you odds on which happens more often) you're the one she'll ping. Stop communication with her, and move on.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Is there anyone out there that would date shorter men Posted: 5/8/2009 1:28:17 AM
That's a "him" issue, not a "them" issue. I know plenty of short-portly gents, either dating or married to top notch women who are taller than them. Myself I'm only about 5'7" or 8 depending, I have a 6'3" personality though. ;)

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Loving this website Posted: 5/8/2009 1:23:50 AM
Read: My advice would be to update your wardrobe a bit (fashionable, yet mature, and classic) and then get pics of you smiling and being friendly in the kind of place you'd like to meet someone. That and you say you're a "life coach" I'd really look at the message the text of your profile is sending. I really don't think it's sending the message you're intending.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Visiting Tacoma This Weekend - What Should I See? Posted: 5/8/2009 1:18:01 AM
Seattle: Pike Place market, and then set out for the evening, Belltown, Ballard, or Cap Hill.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

flirting by text message Posted: 5/7/2009 1:35:11 PM
You're not flirting, you're asking some serious emotional questions/dropping bombs. A wise person once said, "Make the communication fit the medium". Or to put it in the context of texting, if it can't be replied to in one word, or a simple sentance, then it's not suitable for texting. Keep it short, simple, and the mood light. Save the stuff that requires thought/long responses for email or actual conversation.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

dating as a interview... Posted: 4/30/2009 5:50:29 AM
I don't do "interview dates", I simply refuse to. I might as well fax you a questionare and then go hang out with people doing fun things in a fun way. Seriously, if I get more than 2 interview questions in an hour the smart ass in me comes out in full force. Seriously folks, there's a MILLION ways to get the information you want that are both engaging, entertaining, and elicit the other party to respond and participate. Try making a statement about the topic you want to know about. Tell a story. Ask them what they think about something related. The rest comes out in the wash.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Getting past the friend zone Posted: 4/30/2009 5:41:08 AM
Date other women - best cure ever. Let her see/know about it, but don't rub her nose in it.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

when should you give each other things back after a breakup? Posted: 4/30/2009 5:35:24 AM
ASAFP. The gifts are entirely up to your discretion.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 74 (view)

..legal..tight...BOX? waaaaa Posted: 4/30/2009 5:31:01 AM
To a guy who wants family, and that's a deal breaker for him, you're a bit useless. To a guy who doesn't want kids, you're the best thing since sliced bread. Sounds to me like you just need to figure out if your potential partners fall in the first group sooner than later.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

i stand alone maybe on this. Posted: 4/30/2009 4:55:33 AM
Hehe remind me not to give you my facebook ^_^

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 205 (view)

how to prevent getting hard in bed with a woman? Posted: 4/20/2009 11:04:29 AM
Anyway, I tend to get hard very easily, just rhough lots of touching or kissing... but see the girl I'm with now... we're taking it slow... It's called "foreplay" that's what is supposed to happen. The best way to solve the problem is alleviate the issue (get off). Either she can do it, or you can do it even if you both don't want to have sex, but there's no reason why you two can't get each other off.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 83 (view)

Condom Too Big Posted: 4/20/2009 10:59:59 AM
You're average thumb is 2 or three inches. long. ;) Yeah, sounds like he needs to buy special condoms.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 212 (view)

What do women think when a guy comes too quickly? Posted: 4/20/2009 10:54:06 AM
I've had a guy cum within a minute and that's it. . . . i got nothing. Once in a while that might be cool and something I can handle because I thought it was his excitment of seeing me and being w/me that he just couldn't hold his excitment. But once became twice, and three times, and four times, to realize it was that way everytime with him. He didn't eat, he didn't foreplay, he didn't like toys. That's a man that's never been properly educated as to how to pleasure a woman. As for why the same guy can be a "two pump chump" one time and "pron star" the next, read 'Sperm Wars' by Robin Baker. It's pretty spot on.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

advice with my ex Posted: 4/20/2009 10:37:55 AM
He's not ready for a family, and you're not prepared to provide for one. Everyone else has already said it. 1. Better birth control 2. get an education 3. then think about sorting out the family thing.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Establishing interest & relationships - A mans job? Posted: 4/16/2009 5:38:21 AM
OP, Filter out all the BS/Femspeak and here's what she's actually saying: I do not want to be asked a million questions and spend an hour thinking about what were going to do... its all very annoying She's not asking for you to be a dancing monkey. She's not asking for you to fly her to Paris for dinner. Apart from good conversation and a bit of wit, all she really wants is: 1. She wants a man with a plan, and the ability to execute. A leader. 2. She doesn't want a "Job Interview Date" (nobody does) 3. She wants to have fun. (Don't we all) That's all she's asking for. For the man to do his share of the lifting, and she'll reciprocate in kind. Now, go find a few things that she'd be interested in, and then make a plan and lay it on her. ;)

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

The Problem With Thongs Posted: 4/16/2009 5:16:39 AM
I like the look of em in the right context, and if a woman is wearing a very slinky, sexy dress, and we're dancing - that's the right context. Now the "whale tail" with the lowrider jeans... not so much.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Can you love someone in just a few weeks? Posted: 4/16/2009 5:11:34 AM
**** happens. Don't get used to it. ;P

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 55 (view)

You're not dating material, you're marriage material. Posted: 4/16/2009 5:05:35 AM
This only means something simple...they've figured out you are looking for "long term" and doing a lil play on words...there is nothing wrong with being marriage material... I'm not worried about having my "guy card" revoked so I'll break out the male to female translator and lay it down. The quote above is ALMOST correct. Every woman is both "dating material" and "marriage material". It just depends on when and what context you're seen in. I'm sure you've heard the phrase "put on a pedestal?" Well with a lot of guys here's how it works, there's the girls that they're attracted to, but not overly so. Around these women they can relax, be fun, let their hair down, and enjoy things - they're witty, engaging, cool, confident, etc. These are the "dating material" types. The guy doesn't put them on a pedestal. Then they see "her", the one that they feel would be perfect for them, the one they feel insanely attracted to. Sudenly a switch gets flipped inside them and all the "witty, engaging, cool, fun" stuff goes right out the window, and instead they put you on a pedestal, and the jibbering idiot comes out cause all they can see is the kids, dog, and the white picket fence. Their brain decides that "witty, engaging, cool, confident, fun" isn't good enough for you (after all the perfect woman deserves better) so they go serious and end up tripping over themselves instead of "having fun" and "dating". The next time someone says "You're marriage material" what you should be hearing is "Sweet monkey Jesus, you're so damn awesome I can't get my personality out of first gear - help!"

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

English etiquette? Posted: 4/15/2009 6:56:05 PM
Pedantic probably would have been the better word, but no - it's not an oxymoron. It just describes a style that's overly wordy and instead of conveying intelligence, bores the crap out of everyone.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Can you love someone in just a few weeks? Posted: 4/15/2009 6:52:11 PM
A wise man once explained to me that unlike fish, you don't have to put a lid on a bucket of crabs. Why? because anytime one of them gets near the top, the rest latch on and drag the escaper down. Bo's response is a classic example of that. Chemistry, Attraction, Infatuation, Connection - it doesn't matter what you call it, you've found it, and it'd definately the seed that love grows from. Don't let the naysayers tell you otherwise, and congrats on being young enough at heart to still recognize it. ;)

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

How can you tell your boyfriend i cheated on you Posted: 4/8/2009 11:43:31 AM
OP People "cheat" when their needs are not being satisfied by something in their current relationship. From your post it's pretty blatant that you and your current BF are both miserable, and you're continuing to make each other miserable. Why? I'm not sure, but I suspect it's because neither of you have had any other real relationships and so you think this is the way it's supposed to be. Newsflash - It's not. Drop your current BF and move on.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 47 (view)

Why do men keep women on a string Posted: 3/31/2009 2:53:11 AM
Women do it to men just as often. Like others have said, mixed messages = mixed reactions.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 212 (view)

My gf won't even let me touch her down there Posted: 3/31/2009 2:48:38 AM
I would also try talking to her and telling her how you feel, maybe she just needs to know that you love her and aren't using her like her last boyfriend. About the first piece of good advice I've read here. Seriously. At that stage in the relationship if someone raised the "used for sex" issue she did my response would be pretty basic. "Hun it's been four months, if sex was all I wanted - I'd have been gone a long time ago, that and we'd actually have to be doing something sex like."

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 255 (view)

It's a Coffee! Posted: 3/31/2009 2:31:18 AM
Dang it... now I need to go out and get coffee Most of the time for coffee meets, I'm the first one there, so it's a non-issue. I've already got my coffee, I'm tucked into a book and reading when they get there. I do get up and walk them through the line, and when the time comes, I'll reach for my wallet. About half of the time they pay, about half the time I do. In either case, it's only a couple of bucks and I joke the next round's on whoever didn't get it.

vaxplant

Joined: 6/19/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

SUV drivers & dating Posted: 3/31/2009 2:05:44 AM
Personally, I'd weigh this carefully against all the positives a potential date has and keep in mind that this is a mistake that can be fixed. This is perhaps the most PC piece of passive-agreessive judgemntalism I've ever seen. :)

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