Shaving or trimming your privates at our age? chat & forums.

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prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 314 (view)

Shaving or trimming your privates at our age? Posted: 11/17/2009 6:00:26 PM
shaved people who follow the crowd, go find a sheep. I thought sheep were sheared, not shaved. So are we discussing a mass shearing here? Those of you worried about grey pubic hairs, did you shave your head when you found a grey hair? So what's the difference?

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

Imopressive / Memorable Technology Posted: 7/9/2009 3:46:06 PM
I'm a historian of technology/science and I've seen a lot of impressive stuff. The one that floored me was optical tweezers. (formally known as laser light traps). Eventually they will be used to mass produce nano-machines, but until that's economically viable they are being used for simple things, like sorting a bull's sperm into male and female so that the dairy industry can guarantee the gender of the offspring. I don't think I would want that for human use, but I was floored to see it done for cows. Another company, by the way, is developing neuro network noses--hand held sensors that can replace dogs for sniffing out drugs or explosives.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 57 (view)

To wear make-up or not - 1st date Posted: 7/9/2009 3:37:19 PM
With regards to makeup and dating. For most men, its the attitude that makeup seems to bring to the woman and not the makeup itself that makes the difference. If you've got the attitude, the makeup will never be seen. If the makeup gives you the attitude, he'll go out of his way to make sure that makeup is available. If you've got the attitude sans makeup, he'll probably be convinced that you wear something permanently.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 43 (view)

how to describe yourself Posted: 5/19/2009 9:14:30 AM
The one really disappointing thing was the man who is so**** it is unbelievable. I need help in how to describe myself, but he did not help. Actually I think you did a better job than you could ever imagine.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

how to describe yourself Posted: 5/16/2009 6:50:53 PM
Perhaps it is not always necessary to describe yourself. Often one gives more information by describing the world around them and how they see it. After all, most of us are looking for someone with a shared view of the world. I know that those around me only see compartments or parts of myself colored by their own vision. Its hard for them to see me as I see myself unless they see the world around me in a somewhat similar fashion to the way I see it.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

Moving on after 3 Strikes Posted: 5/14/2009 2:19:50 PM
Ivana, As someone who also has three strikes(?) or is it three balls (?) against them, I note that you're "just out of an almost 10 year" relationship. The issue isn't the number of strikes or balls its that you just swung and need time to get back into a good batting stance. It takes time to reidentify who you are now and determine what you need and want out of a relationship. Every batter strikes out at sometime, but most make it back to the batter's box and sooner or later hit a home run. Give your self time to recover from the last bean ball that was pitched at you and you'll do fine.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

What are the expectations as far as dating goes? Posted: 5/12/2009 8:43:05 PM
Everyone has their own expectations, but I think it unrealistic to expect from the first date some sense of exclusivity. You might as well get married first with such requirements, then take in the movie. By the time a woman is my girl friend, then there are mutually exclusive commitments to each other. those commitments would increase were she to become my fiance. But the issue of commitment evolves as the relationship develops. A woman who expects exclusivity from the first date, or for that matter gives exclusivity from the first date, is to me as frightening as expecting or wanting sex on the first date.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 69 (view)

Why must things move so fast? Posted: 5/12/2009 8:04:02 PM
Robin wrote and then he says, and I quote, "so how long do we have to date before we go to bed, bacause there are a lot of women out here who will put out quick and if you have says...as two month time frame you are going to be very lonely!" Hmm. Somebody (not Robin) needs a little logic course. If, as he claims there are a lot of women out there willing to "put out quick" and he's still fishing on the pond, odds are he's the one being thrown back because he didn't rise to the occasion. No serious fishie wants to be a catch and release. If he's found plenty delivering what he wants (a claim that would turn off either a man or a woman seeking a relationship) why is he still on the pond? This person apparently worked for the phone company, was ex-military intelligence or so he said. What he did hardly requires such expertise. Paying $2 to one of the many information sites will do. For $10 he could have gotten your legal records as well--i.e. the value of your house and any other related legal records. The internet may be scary but it also permits background checks that can increase ones safety.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 26 (view)

Why must things move so fast? Posted: 5/10/2009 12:08:29 AM
There's a difference between "moving slow" in a relationship and "moving slow" to meet. I'm guessing that most of us have discovered by now that many people we "meet" were not at all like the images we got reading their emails. I have no doubt that is even true for me. I'm a writer and can be far more eloquent in an email, especially if I take time to edit, than I am in person. Spammers are notoriously eloquent as well. Many want to take time to draw you into their webs. Personally I like to move to the real world where I can get a sense of the whole person and read the body language which is often more revealing than words on a page. To tell the truth, my own experience is that the longer something remains in the electronic world the more likely it is to move in a rush when it finally makes it to the real world. All to often we've already decided they are the one and have blinded ourself to the real world red flags that hopefully we would have caught had the relationship developed in the real world rather than on line.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 50 (view)

If there is........... Posted: 5/2/2009 8:29:24 PM
I'm suprised no one has suggested the nasal twang of Bob Dylan. I love his songs, but would not want to listen to his voice for 48 hours straight.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 106 (view)

Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact? Posted: 5/2/2009 6:09:31 PM
Because I'm old-fashioned. If a man is interested, he'll let me know. If he's too "shy" then he's not going to be my type. We're equal but we're different. I like it when the man pursues me, not when I'm put in the position of chasing him. On the other hand at our age neither of us run's the 50 yard dash at competitive speeds. Most men have evolved or been trained out of cave man mentality and would prefer that the woman at least stop and say hello before we hit her over the head with our club and dragged her back to our condo. Too much aggression in this day and age and one can be easily confused with a stalker by someone with delusions of paranoia or at least lack of interest. Back in the old fashioned days, we got rewarded for running faster--away from the ones we didn't want or chasing the ones we did.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 63 (view)

Relationship talk shows - Dr.Phil, Oprah Posted: 5/2/2009 5:55:14 PM
Maybe the guys who really react against these TV shows are people who really really really don't want to get in touch with their feelings...or don't like hearing a lot of the positive messages they preach. Actually its not our "inner feelings" we are afraid of, its having to listen to other people's crazy inner feelings that are so bizarre compared to the ones we struggle with on a daily basis. I'll listen to Oprah or Dr. Phil with my mother on rare occasion but tend to be put off when I ask her advice and she suggests I write to Dr. Phil. Private problems should remain relatively private and there is something perverse about shows, for example, in which DNA results determine which of five men is the father of a woman's child. If I were a woman and had such difficulty knowing who the father was, I wouldn't want to be announcing it on national TV. Nor would I want to be one of the men on the show learning that I had been sharing a popular night spot.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 204 (view)

Why Are Over 45 Men In Love With Motorcycles? Posted: 5/2/2009 4:47:39 PM
As a matter of law, most states have what is known as "no fault divorce" meaning exactly what I said. Many, if not most, states also have "no fault" insurance. Would you be suggesting that in those states no one is at fault in an accident? Both no fault divorce and no fault insurance resulted from the fact that it costs too much for courts to waste time figuring out who was more at fault.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 195 (view)

Why Are Over 45 Men In Love With Motorcycles? Posted: 5/1/2009 4:40:55 PM
It goes like this. They enjoyed bikes when they were 24, 34 and 44. At age 45+ and divorced maybe they can now afford one they would be happy to show off.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

skeptic or cynic with respect to your dating situation? Posted: 3/31/2009 9:41:06 AM
A skeptic skips the tics while a cynic sees the nicks. The difference? A skeptic is agnostic and full of doubt but always looking at the evidence. A Cynic is an athiest who knows gods do not exist and would rather spend life in hell than believe otherwise.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 79 (view)

Do any of you in your 40s ever feel like a fish out of water in the dating scene? Posted: 3/13/2009 1:37:42 PM
Prof48, with that green beard, I can't imagine why any woman wouldn't consider you a "must have." lol, Well I can think of lots of reasons, but somehow being an Irish gal wouldn't be one of 'em

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 158 (view)

Never married female, no children, early 40's - what's wrong here? Posted: 3/9/2009 2:30:11 PM
I tend to agree with those who argue that the questions directed at you mean that your experience lies outside the domain of those asking. I don't think it always, perhaps not even most of the time, is meant to offend. My daughter lives with me and frequently I am asked "How come she's not with her mother?" Of course I find the question offensive because I feel the implication that somehow I'm not supposed to be good enough and her mother is. But when I think about those asking the question, they are typically women who would "never" give up their child or were raised primarily by their mother, so it simply is alien to their experience. Any answer that makes sense to them will satisfy them. Still its hard to break through the accusatory implications that many bring with their questions. Perhaps a "if you were me, you'd understand" will do.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 160 (view)

Anyone else just not know how to date? Posted: 3/2/2009 4:47:01 AM
There's more control freaks around here than you can shake a stick at. Hmmm. And some of them spend too much time writing about it. I would argue that those accused of "control" may be fighting for their freedom as much as you are. On the other hand I think mutual interdependency that comes with the sort of "love" many desire requires giving up control and both being vulnerable. Thats a hard act though. After all, freedom in the sense you seem to talk about means "nothing left to lose."

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

Do you ever feel awkward when asked how you met? Posted: 3/2/2009 3:57:12 AM
If it worries you then tell them where you actually met. In my case that would likely be some tea house or coffee joint. In reality one never says we met over the telephone or similar communication tool, but we seem to feel the need to see cyberspace as a real meeting place. I don't have problems with that but when I actually "meet" someone it is real life.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 60 (view)

Do any of you in your 40s ever feel like a fish out of water in the dating scene? Posted: 3/1/2009 5:39:03 PM
I can only speak for myself, but that is wrong. And wierdly old-fashioned. How times have changed. I'll stand by my opinion which was not to suggest that you feel like your a part of society if your a part of a couple. Dating is dating, marriage is marriage. If you don't enjoy dating, there's a reason. Either you want it to end in a permanent relationship yesterday or its so horrendous you don't want it to start. Some people only want results, others enjoy the process. I enjoy the process regardless of the results. Now I would like to be married again but the process towards that end is absolutely wonderful. I make some friends, blow off a few dynosaurs and sooner or later a must have who thinks i'm a must have will show up. If thats old fashioned, then this "old fashioned" leftist is proud of it.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 32 (view)

Romance without Finance is a Nuisance Posted: 2/25/2009 3:42:12 PM
There are times in every man's life when he feels emasculated. But there's a difference between feeling and being.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

Do any of you in your 40s ever feel like a fish out of water in the dating scene? Posted: 2/25/2009 3:34:02 PM
I am too used to being single and set in my ways now. Seems to me that this would define someone comfortable in the dating pool or single pool as opposed to someone in the marriage pool. The ones feeling "out of place" I would think would be the single fishies wishing to be in the marriage pool or conversely those in the marriage pool wishing they could swim in the dating pool.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Should evolution continue to influence our sex lives? Posted: 2/25/2009 3:21:46 PM
None of us can tell what it's going to be like 100 years from now, but what do you think should happen? Should we cling to the behaviors of our ancestors? Or should we become more prudish? Or should we become more sexually open? I think you are conflating evolution with teleology. Evolution does not define actions, it defines survival. If you look at humans at any point in time you will find every type of action available under a bell curve. Survival ensures that particular types of action become defined as the norm. If survival needs change the "norm" will change over time. You can only be who you are. Whether you are "normal" or deviate from "normal" perhaps has more to do with the odds of your specific gene pool surviving short term than with the appropriateness of your actions or long term survival of some generic behavior. We can't predict which gene pools will long term survive, so why should we try to approach some alleged future "norm." Evolution, after all, is not intentional or directed towards something. It is accidental and momentary.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

Need Ideas. What Happened Here? Posted: 2/25/2009 8:24:59 AM
You know what. It could be that he wants to consolidate the whole package. No one, I repeat, NO ONE, has a raging inferno forever. There may be periodic flare ups and other times only embers, but you shouldn't worry as long as the fire is still lit. If he wants the whole package he's going to focus on those aspects where he doesn't know or is not yet secure if there is a match. He's denying that the fire has died. I'd take him at his word and move to heat up other aspects of life that are important to him and you. Those fires will periodically rage over the sex forest, but sometimes only embers will burn there because the fuel that needs to burn lies in other parts of the soul. Work on the whole package unless all you want is the raging fire that consumes everything but leaves nothing for the future.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 50 (view)

Help convince Wife? Posted: 2/25/2009 7:59:05 AM
I think that sex therapy with a reputable counselor may be in order. You seem to have only one answer to increasing the spice in your sex life. A good therapist may help you to broaden your perspective and actually put some spice into it with the woman you now have a relationship with. If that's not what you want then getting her to accept a third won't achieve what you want either.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 78 (view)

Worse than a no-show- a sneak Posted: 2/25/2009 7:14:54 AM
And prof48, even if what you say is true, you don't "sneak a peek". You go through the motions so to speak, drink coffee or alcohol, engage in some small talk, and then finish up the evening with "well it was certainly nice to meet you" I agree with the "ought" of your statement, but the OP was asking about the "real world" and much that ought to happen doesn't happen in the real world. It is full of people too bitter, too insecure, too dishonest. She implied that perhaps she was rejected because she didn't measure up. I was simply trying to suggest that was inaccurate. The odds are they didn't show because they thought they didn't measure up. Such people don't have the gumption to go through the motions of polite society's oughts. Its not a reflection on the OP that she somehow worried it was.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Worse than a no-show- a sneak Posted: 2/22/2009 8:27:24 AM
It's ok to be angry, but I wouldn't narrow down the reason why he did it as you have. There could be many reasons: he could have decided that you would never accept him; he could have not been truthful about his status; he could have a need to know that someone is interested in him but lack sufficient self worth to believe they would be if they actually met him; there could have been someone there that he did not want to know about him meeting someone (for some that could even be a coworker). Don't take the negative feeling that he judged you not worth it. He may have judged you unattainable.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 120 (view)

Age Appropriate Behavior Posted: 2/21/2009 8:15:50 PM
Life is to short to sit and drink tea lol Hey, there's nothing more fun than staying up all night, sitting and drinking tea while a paper or the last chapter of a book finally comes together. Well perhaps a few things are more fun but those I can't do alone. Been that way since college.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 122 (view)

Why the Rush to Coupledom? Posted: 2/21/2009 6:29:48 PM
I think the quality of life is the most important part of life. For me quality of life is all about being comfortable with myself, and has nothing to do with being part of a couple. I'll have to disagree with you on that, no one, absolutely no one, unless they are alone on an island self determines the total quality of their life. As John Donne so aptly put it: "No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." You can choose to be alone and isolated but quality of life has everything to do with relationship, not even, and certainly not just marriage, but relationship including marriage has everything to do with quality of life. I also disagree with the notion of being "part" of a couple. The very usage of that term defines it as NOT a couple but two parts pretending to be a couple. Trying to find a reason to change our minds on what we have learned for far in our lives, or at least to understand why others find it necessary. I think you've answered your question. I don't think coupling is a ratiocentive concept any more than being heterosexual or gay is a choice. For you, it sounds to me, that you didn't learn it, you never needed it. As for those that do, when they find a match they become a couple. Some can do it in one date. Other's take years to work out the parameters. There's nothing wrong with not coupling, nor is there anything wrong with "the rush" or "need" to couple. Where there is room for debate is not over coupling but over whether a particular couple is truly well founded. That's not my judgement except in my case. I've made mistakes. That doesn't make me have no desire to couple. The need to couple is not ratiocenitive, it is a part of who I am. (BTW, gay couples have the same need and drive just with a different gender pairing.)

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 100 (view)

Do you wonder when to say I love you? Posted: 2/16/2009 11:52:22 PM
This thread reminds me of the story of the New Englander who never told his southern bride that he loved her. She finally asked him why? He replied, "well you remember I told you when we got married?" She: "yes." He: "Well if anything changes I'll let you know."

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 44 (view)

Manners among the over 45 yr. old Posted: 2/16/2009 11:28:49 PM
Most of us who have spent time on college campuses know there is no more a single feminism than there is an "all women ...." I've been insulted for holding doors open and have had others I know to be feminists thank me and turn around and hold the next door for me. Often the feminist sects on campus spend more time fighting each other than they do criticizing men. And yes there are branches of feminism who see men as the enemy and assert in their literature that traditional marriage is prostitution and anyone sleeping with a man is sleeping with the enemy. I doubt however that they would spend much time on a heterosexual dating site. These days when a woman declares she's a feminist you practically have to find out who she reads before you know what that means. Fortunately, what I call the radical feminists (i know an ambigous and ill defined term) are in decline, imho. All to often their goal appeared to be to out do men at all their worst manners.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 100 (view)

Toilet seats and toothpaste Posted: 2/16/2009 10:46:52 PM
I still believe that a duplex is the best option, Hmmm. Saw the end of one marriage coming when she suggested separate bedrooms. Apparently one bathroom was fine. lol

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 134 (view)

Drinking over 45 Posted: 2/16/2009 10:38:15 PM
In support of Ismene's position some studies suggest that having 1-2 drinks a day may actually increase one's life span. More than three decreases it.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 94 (view)

Why the Rush to Coupledom? Posted: 2/16/2009 10:32:52 PM
I have to ask myself what is the big rush. Why so uncomfortable at not being part of a couple? Well Moraima, I suspect this is partially a gender issue. My life expectancy goes up four years if I am part of a couple--even a bad couple. Yours does not statistically increase. So men have a vested interest in being a "couple" while women do not. At my age (I haven't checked yours) it is getting close to being a matter of life and death. On the other hand I still think that quality of life counts for something too.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 93 (view)

Why the Rush to Coupledom? Posted: 2/16/2009 10:26:14 PM
I sure try to just have fun and let things evolve naturally, but unfortunately, a lot of people seem to feel that if you aren't exclusive and monogomous by the second date, they don't want anything to do with you. Bingo, you just found a deal breaker criteria--for you. We all have them, but they are different for all of us. Some people have fewer and seem to be more adaptable or have some sixth sense that just seems to know when perfection has arrived. Others of us have been married for 12-20 years when a dealbreaker arose, or possibly became intollerable. We will have a longer list--it seems mine gets longer everytime a relationship doesn't work out. For us perhaps watching paint dry is like speed dating.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 73 (view)

Why the Rush to Coupledom? Posted: 2/14/2009 10:18:39 PM
You know, I know a couple married for over forty years where he asked for her hand in marriage on the second date. On the other hand I know people who have a one year rule before even thinking about marriage. Hasn't worked out well for them. Its the match created, not the time spent, that counts.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 160 (view)

women - glut on the market? Posted: 2/14/2009 7:22:07 PM
I bet good money that my photo appears on the Internet in more places that yours (dating sites like Match.com, Matchmaker.com - the social networking sites, Twitter.com and more. Sounds to me like your advertising other sites. I occasionally use other sites or forums--with reasonable success--but as a matter of policy I do not go to another site because someone responding to my ads says they have pictures there. Too many fakes do that to promote other sites. I'm guessing you too are a fake. Even if you were not, the odds are so great that it would not be worth the effort for a serious woman to track you. I would not track a woman who did that to me.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

Discussion on Marriage and Age. 35+ Posted: 2/14/2009 6:52:38 PM
I would think that anyone accusing a man of being gay because he has not married would simply be ill informed. Some gays marry and become "down low" men. I would think they might be concerned about sexual drives if you were still a virgin, but even there many "get more" as a single than some do "married." I would think that if a woman doesn't like you because you've never married, there are probably issues unrelated to marriage that actually bother her.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 154 (view)

Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right.... Posted: 2/14/2009 6:43:07 PM
You're right - at the very least I guess I could send him a quick message... but I don't owe him anything. I probably should have done that. But, now it's been 5 days since his last phone call (I'm so thankful) and I'd really hate to stir things up again. No need to. If he can't figure it out he has an IQ well below what would be acceptable. Even if he had an emergency that required his using his cell phone he could while on the cell phone inform you that he would not be available and let you go. Now some people don't have a good sense of time. He sounds like one of them. But if time is important to you, as it is to me, you should not have to tolerate the hurry up and wait syndrome.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 106 (view)

women - glut on the market? Posted: 2/12/2009 7:07:32 PM
I have to wonder if they have some sort of security complex. Can't they deal with a woman a year or 5 years older? Are they intimidated or what? She is still likely to outlive him. Your forgetting that many of them already outlived a spouse and don't want it to happen again. Further there is a long cultural tradition from a period when women frequently died in childbirth and the man would select another young virgin to raise his children. This from the days when men did not acceptably marry known non virgins (Except, as in the case of G. Washington, the non-virgin was filthy rich. The victorian era still has influence.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 91 (view)

women - glut on the market? Posted: 2/12/2009 10:44:56 AM
given that statistics show men die, on average, 9 years younger than women, and I ain't plannin'on dying alone....guess my ol'man needs to be a bit younger... Ismene, perhaps, if those are your concerns. More appropriate, however, given that statistics are not applicable to individuals but only groups (I assume you only want one ) you should look carefully at the typical life expectancy in his family compared to yours. After all, if his family typically has heart attacks in their 50s but yours is disease free until 100, you'll have to rob the cradle. Or you can follow the ways of the ancient royalty and require a suicide pact when either of you goes. That would actually work best because you literally wouldn't be dying alone.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 85 (view)

women - glut on the market? Posted: 2/12/2009 9:59:23 AM
Given that this is a supply and demand question that only looks at supply statistics it comes to skewed conclusions. NPR recently reported a study that showed that men lived longer when they were in a relationship while relationship status did not appear to affect the age of women. If I remember correctly women in a relationship had a statistically insignificant shorter lifespan. That would suggest that while there may be a far greater supply of single women, they have lesser motive to look for a relationship. Men, on the other hand, live longer if they are in a relationship and the perceived "quality" of the relationship does not appear to be a factor. It would appear then that men have a greater motive to demand a relationship and women do not. I think that evens the playing field significantly. Many women that I know who are older than me appear perfectly happy with a single lifestyle. The number of men preferring a single lifestyle at my age are significantly less. The supply of women is greater but so is the demand.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 68 (view)

Ratio of older men to older women: the gap is narrowing Posted: 2/11/2009 9:43:57 AM
You know, there's another factor that needs to be considered here. Some time ago an NPR broadcast discussed a study that indicated that men in a relationship live longer. That was not, however, statistically true for women in a relationship. There's no additional benefit, beyond the specific relationship, for the ladies while apparently there is for the gents. Nor did perceived quality of relationship appear to vary the results.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

Dropping your number to women Posted: 2/11/2009 8:36:23 AM
I won't respond to a man who gives me a phone number immediately. It isn't respectful of the woman's opinion on how things should proceed, if at all. Also, remember that women have a greater chance of being unsafe physically with men than men are with women, so women need to be a bit cautious until they know a man. I see giving out a number immediately as pushy, needy and overly aggressive. Also, it's no compliment, because the guy doesn't even know me yet, so I wonder about his doing this with all the women. It sure doesn't make me feel special. WTF, you want to feel special on the first intoduction yet if a man does something to make you feel special he's "pushy, needy and overly aggressive." No one is special until you know them. The question isn't whether he is giving his contact info to all the women to whom he writes--a respectful man would--but whether his message sounds like he is writing to every woman on the dating service. Let's be clear about something, dating can be a dangerous game and contrary to your opinion it is just as dangerous for men as it is for women. I know more than one man who has had his house cased by a date, and more than one relationship that went south when a woman beat or verbally abused his child. (I include myself in the latter case). There are dangerous people in the world and saying hello can put you at risk. The types of things female psychos do may be different, but men are no safer than women in the dating world. Most of us agree that the one line "you look hot, give me a call xxx-xxxx" is crazy. On the other hand phone numbers and contact information PERMIT the other person to check you out. Give me a telephone number and I'm likely to know--if it is a land line--the value of your house, how many people (names, ages and genders) live there and for how long, the incomes of the residents and a whole lot more. Cell phones are a little harder, but give me 48 hours and I'll have the above information. With that info, I can get your criminal record in no time. If your a convicted predator, I can determine that in seconds. Pushy one liners with a telephone number ARE "pushy, needy and overly aggressive." Odds are they are to an online answering service and benefit the guy's ego more than provide contact. More generally giving a telephone number and other contact information permits you to actually know who your dealing with. My experience is quite the opposite of yours. Men or women who aren't willing to give out contact info within a reasonable time frame are secretive, have no desire for a serious relationship and are playing online games. They are little different--playing a different game only--from those who give out one line emails with a "call me" closer. A one liner with a telephone and we agree. On the other hand a respectful email with contact information tells me they are serious and probably have nothing to hide. Context is everything. It doesn't eliminate the risk. Statistically the most dangerous criminals make your feel safe because they sound normal or better than normal (certainly my experience has been that the worst appear on line to be among the best), but if you live by that you simply don't date. You just email forums and play computer dating games.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

Dropping your number to women Posted: 2/10/2009 2:43:14 PM
^^^^^^Your right, I still don't see the "one liner" proviso in your first message. I don't think that is the way to approach anyone. But that is quite different from introducing yourself and including or asking for contact information. If someone did that to me I would read it and delete it--they're not for me. On the other hand, if they aren't successful at it, either they're too dumb to learn or simply early in their dating experience. If they are successful, well there's somebody for everybody and why should I complain? I know how to hit delete.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 104 (view)

Could you be in a relationship with a long haul truck driver? Posted: 2/10/2009 2:30:13 PM
Having lived in Australia and traveled extensively in America, I can tell you that Australia was the only place where I was regularly--and in my case unsuccessfully--propositioned by married women. [I was married at the time plus if I want a relationship I want it to be just with me] They do have a different culture down there. I've listened in on CB conversations out in Nevada where prostitution is legal and the poor hookers had quite a difficult time getting anyone to stop by. The 90% figure used here is urban myth. Those who do it claim "everybody does." Most simply wouldn't have the time, even if they wanted to. I know more right wing fundamentalist truckers than not. I disagree with their religion and politics but no better than to falsely accuse them. Their ministers, maybe, but not the everyday members. Yes, there are men who go on the road for its alleged "benefits" but they would be abusing those "benefits" no matter what career they had and they ARE NOT typical of the profession.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

Dropping your number to women Posted: 2/10/2009 1:58:30 PM
Let me see. If I meet someone on the street and introduce myself, I hand them my business card. What they do with it is their business. My business card just happens to have contact information--you know email and telephone number. If I'm interested in someone I think it is polite to provide contact information. If they are not interested or are put off by my saying hello in a professional manner they delete it. Said people are not worth worrying about. Most people on most dating sites have issues that make them not worth dating. The fact that they create meaning beyond that given comes from THEIR experience and anyone whose experience would cause them to interpret receiving contact information as you have has baggage that makes them at best a questionable dating value. They would be doing me a favor by hitting read/delete. In my opinion that you would think twice about this makes this is a good reason not to date you. If your interested you would have contact info. If your not it will be deleted no matter when it is given. If your not interested JUST BECAUSE a man provides contact information, your simply playing games and not serious about meeting people. Fact is most people are not interested in the majority of people who contact them. Thats a process of selection. Some have bizarre reasons. This, IMHO, is one. Prof

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

DC/ NOVA Area meet Feb 7th. Posted: 2/4/2009 3:57:10 PM
I think a lot of people might not be committing because there are no details about the event venue. If we're going to delay the event it might be nice to determine a venue so that those who might come to one type of location, but not another, could make up their minds.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 48 (view)

I have an honest question Posted: 2/2/2009 11:30:57 AM
I definatly wouldnt give my last name until I had chatted to the guy a few times,if he asked me when we met up i would have no problem with it,ive always found when you meet someone casualy(say in a cafe etc)its not usual to exchange last names. If they can give me a telephone number or e-mail address but not last name, they have issues that are NOT security related. I am NOT going to bother to meet someone so distrustful of me, that last names are an issue. Now, so long as we're just chatting on POF, no last name is a security issue, but unless they created an email address just for communicating with me--or dates in general, using security as a reason not to reveal their last name tells me they believe they have reason to distrust me. That's fine, but its no go as far as pursuing a relationship.

prof48

Joined: 3/17/2005

Msg: 74 (view)

why if I search for someone to date they all ways has kids Posted: 2/2/2009 11:17:00 AM
Perhaps the ones that have the same standards that you do, well have the same standards that you do, and that would make you unacceptable.

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