Did I catch him before he tried to use me for sex or did I jump the gun to fast??? chat & forums.

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heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Did I catch him before he tried to use me for sex or did I jump the gun to fast??? Posted: 11/23/2009 8:35:19 PM
I can understand indefatigabilis' comment, which I'll sum up as "yes, you blew it ... he was about to use you for sex." But, I think women understand that angle, too. Truth is, it would make me uncomfortable for a woman to approach things quite so graphically, too. Seems such a turn off to be talking to someone you don't know and have them be so crude. So, I would say you trusted your instincts, which is a terrific thing to do. You are in tune with what your gut tells you, which is exactly how to listen to people.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

What are men affraid of? Posted: 11/23/2009 4:03:49 PM
You know compatibility is made up of 60,000 small items ... and you're trying to tweak two of them. You just have to be yourself, keep trying and keep smiling. Smiles are more attractive than frowns. Hair more attractive than baldness (in a woman.) Helps to be sober at least four hours a day. Other than that, what? Just keep truckin', luv ... don't take it too seriously and set limits on how much ass kissing you're gonna do to get some jerk to find you interesting. That's all there is to it. Stay out of the traffic ... be polite to your elders and nice to children. Bingo. That's about it.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

What changed your mind? Posted: 11/23/2009 3:20:57 PM
Crumbcake makes a very good point ... or crumbledonut or whatever his name is. My advise: Make some frickin' noise already! You got your nose down where it doesn't belong and your tongue is starting to ache and the woman is lying there seemingly what ... BORED??? That's just not going to get a guy interested in second helpings. Of course, if you have to give instructions, do so ... but back it up with some encouraging noise.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

how to paraphrase? Posted: 11/23/2009 5:53:13 AM
At 28-years of age, "I don't think we are going anywhere," isn't a good sign. That's a good thing to say when you're 65 and about to nail two rocking chairs to the front porch, but not when you're 28 and have dreams of buying a family and marrying a house and cooking up some c0ckerpoodles. I don't think you have to split hairs on what it means, I think you have to figure out what it is you want.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Hard Question Posted: 11/22/2009 12:00:33 PM
Those hints really add up. After 20 years as a counselor (and early in that career) I realized you have to listen with your gut. It's all there, all the hints of discontent. And they're real. And more reliable. Spooky sometimes, but it's true.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Do you like to like be the Pursuer or the Pursued? Posted: 11/21/2009 8:34:03 PM
Op: This is a trick question ... and I suspect you know that. Men and women just pursue so differently ... the real answer is: It's works best if she thinks she's doing the pursuing ... which she won't admit to until six months later when you say "I made the first move ..." at which point, invariably, she will say, "no, I did."

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

He doesnt want a relationship with ME! Posted: 11/21/2009 8:28:15 PM
Tia, One of the things we can change in this world is feelings. We can be afraid of something, give it a shot and find out we're no longer fearful (or less ) and now actually feel proud of ourselves. So, sure, feelings can change. But this is dicey. This is feelings about you ... and you don't want to pretend you're something you're not ... and you don't want to end up feeling victimized (and you can put yourself in that position, obviously). Why is he looking you over ... uhm, because you're quite attractive. Why did he sleep with you while you were both drunk ... this isn't rocket science ... Should you see him again or not depends on how vulnerable you are. You are much more attractive standing on your own two feet, being strong, than you are falling apart in front of him (and that's no fun, anyway). So, you can work this guy over , but set limits that you can live with ... cause he's probably willing to work you over, too. (And that isn't meant as a bad thing, necessarily).

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Am I bisexual? Or an anomaly? Posted: 11/21/2009 5:27:57 PM
Curiouser and curiouser ...

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Am I bisexual? Or an anomaly? Posted: 11/21/2009 4:24:18 PM
I think that's called being normal. Who in their right mind would emotionally invest in men? More serious: I really think a guess like this from 1,000 miles away based on two sentences or three has pretty low credibility, but -- since you asked -- my bet is that you don't want to admit that you're gay. I could be 100 percent wrong, but it seems more likely than the chance that you don't want to admit that you're straight. For what it's worth (probably not much).

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Women who don't shave Posted: 11/20/2009 3:16:51 PM
I don't think there's a special handshake. You're just gonna have to pull down their pants and look. Better to get permission first, by the way. Or, I suppose you could move to ... nah, I'm not redneck enough to finish that sentence ...

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

How do I know hes real soulmate, even with our differences? Posted: 11/20/2009 3:13:51 PM
There are just soo soooo many red flags here. Hope it works out, but lot of fires burn hot and burn out quick. I wouldn't necessarily back off ... but I would put some very strict limits on any "I love you" talk or "let's get married" talk .... for six months or so. Tell him, that's just not sane otherwise. The biggest red flag is this guy's sensitivity. Yeah, it's nice when a dude is emotionally available, as they say, but nobody wants spillage. I would set some limits on stuff he brings in the door that is anything under the categories of "too much" or "too soon."

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Hey said call me, if you want and no answer? Posted: 11/20/2009 3:07:06 PM
Hey Annie bo bannie. You've entered the world of the little white lies. It goes both ways. Lots of people out here, me sometimes, without the blunt honesty gene, hoping that hints work and little****ail hour b.s. is overlooked. You have to set your limits ... or (like others) it drives you crazy. And ... yeah, the ball is in his court. Sometimes it stays there ... dems da breaks.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Conflict in the bedroom. Posted: 11/20/2009 7:42:32 AM
Op: Remember change is good for you, too. To wit: it would be good for her to open up. It would also be good for you to move in her direction. Less thrilling, maybe ... but more satisfying, perhaps. That sounds a little canned, but in fact change is also, very often, good for you.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Hopeless virgins Posted: 11/19/2009 3:53:02 PM
The one guy is a gun nut and I would hate to see him snap like so many other dissaffected lonely guys out there. Saving them by getting them a lady could be saving others, you never know. Too bad you didn't intervene and get George Bush laid at the opportune moment. Anyway ... what to say ... uhm, how ' bout, "well, good luck with all that." ... I'm sorry about your friend, by the way.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Hopeless virgins Posted: 11/19/2009 11:02:19 AM
Even if this worked out, somehow I don't think this would qualify as one of the miracles that would qualify you for sainthood. Well, maybe if you got them both laid, it might be worth consideration. Seriously, you're not bucking for a medal with your little announcement here, by any chance, are you? It just seems way too pat for me -- like maybe you should give them some of your bone marrow or something ... and don't forget to let us know about it.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

How do I ask a man out? Posted: 11/19/2009 6:38:19 AM
I've done it and I would totally suck at being guy..or I'd just be single all the time cuz asking someone out can be hell. So kudos to all you men :) Yeah, that and the irony is (for me) when it's a woman who makes my knees knock together, it's that much the harder to ask ... dang it all. One thing to realize is that it is more-or-less expected behavior. That is to say, while broaching the subject with individuals may surprise that individual, it is well within the bounds of normal ... no one will judge you for asking someone out in other words. So, the worst thing that can happen IS someone can say no. They don't toss you in jail for asking someone out ... except, I assume, in Texas, where it's probably a hanging offense.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Is collecting Naked pictures of Women considered disease Posted: 11/19/2009 6:07:48 AM
The clinical definition of addiction is "a pathological relationship to a mood altering substance or thing." So, the question isn't whether it's normal or not, the question is whether or not this is doing you any harm -- financially, socially, legally, within relationships, etc.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

sexual issues with single mother of 15 year old Posted: 11/18/2009 12:05:44 PM
Just to say so, if there is any issue in this regard woman automatically think it is their fault. That said, you have to really put some effort into letting her know that isn't the case. You might also put some real effort into enjoying her physically (massages, oral, fingers, whatever) so you're not giving her the message that your orgasms are the be all and end all of the relationship. It doesn't sound like it is ... but you could easily be trapped into sending her that message if you abandon all contact in the bedroom because of this.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

what is the reason for ... Posted: 11/18/2009 11:57:08 AM
Split hairs much? I mean, this is just ridiculous. You are "getting acquainted" with a perv. I wouldn't divulge this stuff to my wife -- not that there's much to divulge or any wife, for that matter. I mean, point blank, you're probably right ... it's both an invitation and a clue that he's got a good grip on things. Of course, telling someone "I don't need you ... " isn't much of an invitation in my upscrewed opinion.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

French Kissing, advice please? Posted: 11/18/2009 6:31:01 AM
But, don't ya need to keep in mind that you are not dining alone? Isn't it, like, bad form to delve into your entree while your "date" is still enjoying her appetizer? That question is rhetorical, is it not?

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

French Kissing, advice please? Posted: 11/17/2009 8:40:35 PM
I was going to say the same thing, Crumblepie. ^^^ So, this is a bad metaphor, but what happens in a therapist's office is, essentially, a microcosm of what happens in the client's life -- all things being equal, that is. What happens with a kiss is a microcosm of how you are as a lover. It contain all the signs of seduction, teasing, massaging, nibbling, tickling, the build-up, the passion. I don't think its "do what comes natural" at all. That just sounds like "do a lot of kissing," to me. It is all the nuances of lovemaking -- gentle, tough, whatever -- a reflection of the main course, with all the thrills the world's best appetizer can have. You know how to dance, right? You dance with your hands. Your hands guide your partner, the touches behind her back and up in the air. Same thing with kisses. You guide your partner ... your woman tells you what she expects ... slow and gentle, soothing, rough, whatever. Kissing is not just kissing. You might close your eyes, but it's not done blindly. Kissing for hours, someone said ... lord, no. What's the point? You don't fill up on the shrimp, when there's lobster just around the corner.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Bringing up marriage on the first date? Posted: 11/16/2009 11:24:24 AM
Saying "I don't want to get married again" for many people is a throw-away toss off thing to say. It doesn't mean much. It's how they feel at this hour ... but if the planets lined up and it was to their tax advantage they would likely get married again. Not all of them, of course. Not me, of course. So, maybe it seems like an inconsequential thing to mention on a first date -- just a way of saying, "right now I enjoy feel breezy and easy with no marital responsibilities." On the other hand, if it was a deal breaker, you might as well hear about it on the first date . Then, too, "I don't want to get married again," could be a warning, the translation of which would be "don't fall in love with me, thank you kindly" and that would be a deal breaker for me. I don't sleep with women who aren't "emotionally available" as they say ... and I know women who consider that a deal-breaker, too.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Is it a lie if a guy says he is scared? Posted: 11/16/2009 11:14:51 AM
Are you a high maintenance type, perhaps? That's something to consider. You might also consider he "ain't that into you," as they say. Before that sounds too rude, it's normal enough to want a full-time relationship, not meaning 24/7 round the clock, but within the parameters of normal expectations. But "you can call me your bf if you want," sounds pretty flat to me. That doesn't seem to be what you're seeking.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Should I check him out? Will you? Posted: 11/16/2009 6:50:04 AM
Returning a DVD kills two birds with one stone ... you can possibly figure out what's up and give him back his property. That said, stalking is something you want to avoid. But stalking is generally about spying on someone, not making contact with them. Obsessively knocking on his front door is harassment, where sitting in a car across the street from his house is stalking. Both can be sort of crazy, very crazy or not crazy at all. Certainly, if you feel going over to his house feels crazy, don't do it. Unless he's dirt poor, a DVD isn't hard to replace ... and what's a little petite larceny among friends, eh? Nothing to lose any sleep over, anyway.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Cheating is unacceptable behavior but if your honest about it should it scar you for life? Posted: 11/16/2009 3:01:17 AM
Op: My father used to say that if you cheat on a relationship, you hurt the relationship ... you hurt your partner. But, if you TELL then you're hurting your partner twice. I don't think honesty with your partner is the holy grail here. But, I think honestly with yourself is the holy grail. It makes your life so much easier. That said, if you know about yourself that cheating tears you up to the point you have to blurt it out in some passive-aggressive confessional ... then it's probably a bad idea to cheat.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

finding a girl who enjoys sex Posted: 11/16/2009 2:53:34 AM
They hang out everywhere ... Dude, what you need to do is hook up with a heterosexual next time. And that ain't me being a wise-ass.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

why is he leading me on? Posted: 11/11/2009 7:04:30 AM
Ok, no one will say it ... I'll step up to the plate: He's after your money. Anyway, you can take a quick step or to to shake this guy off your tail. Just tell him to cut it out or that you know he's married ... whatever simple step comes to mind. Tell him in the vicinity of some business associates and he'll get the hint, that his behavior could accidentally on purpose be made more public if he persists.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

What's this I see, he says suspiciously ... Posted: 11/9/2009 9:57:39 PM
Ok, bless the wonderful folks who put this Web site together and God bless mommy and daddy and all that stuff. So, don't take this wrong oh mighty Web site producers ... But not too long ago, there was an ad or a cover shot of a model who had, apparently, gained some weight, like two and a half ounces or something. Consequently, she looked really great ... and consequently, the wacky folks on Madison Avenue decided to digitally make her skinnier. This was one of those tiresome news items you see on the Internet under the category of "Irksome moments in the life of a celebrity," but I read it and looked at the picture ... And in the skinny version, this model looked awful. She looked emaciated, bony, like some photo of someone in a starving country. (And, you know, I like the waif look, too, but this was really terrible.) So, moving on ... hoping the owners of this site aren't offended, but there are a bunch of ads on this site (and thanks to them, this site is free) and a lot of them are for paid-for dating Web sites. I'm sure you've seen them. A) Do women get the same amount of ads for other dating Web sites and do they have hunky guys on them? Just curious. and B) Does anyone else suspect these photos are enhanced? I mean, is it my eyesight, my general depravity or what ... but have the waistlines gotten skinnier, the breasts bigger, the butts rounder all of a sudden? God bless them. Money makes the world go round ... but it seems really tiresome to me. I saw an add last week that showed a woman's butt ... that's it. A woman's photo from behind and the caption said, "Want a girlfriend?" I thought that was rich. Yeah, I want a girlfriend, but better than that, if you could just send me the butt, that would be great. To heck with the rest ... seemed pretty funny to me in my upscrewed opinion.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

tips on dirty talk... Posted: 11/9/2009 7:07:37 AM
Less is more ... what a great answer. Thanks, fish eyes.

heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

He doesn't want me to touch him Posted: 11/9/2009 7:03:08 AM
I wouldn't worry about whether this was a contradiction in terms or not. Sex is about a lot of things, but we (and you) know that. We get what you mean. But, you are obviously dealing with an odd situation. In the real world there isn't much difference between odd and very odd. A guy that wants to get off with a woman in the room but doesn't want to do the deed is, ipso facto, a very odd situation. I would just say whatever the deal is, it's noble that you want to please this guy, but trying to solve this dilemma is probably not even what you want to do, because by then you would be so deep inside each other's s ... h ... i ... t ... it would be far more involvement than you really want. Even with a healthy relationship, you don't want to be that deep inside someone else's head, let alone this relationship. And, honestly, when dealing with other people, just taking what's available is all you're ever going to get 99 percent of the time, anyway. Changing folks ... that's a tall order. Set some limits for yourself ... how long you want this to go on, what sexual behavior you can do/won't do. And stick to them. There's lots of fish in the sea ... really.

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

How to be more approachable without having to lie? Posted: 11/7/2009 3:24:09 PM
What's the problem? You figured out how to lie and got lots of attention, but none of the relationships lasted very long? Frankly, that sounds bad, bad, bad, but nobody really blurts out all their f--k-ups on the first date or on a web site. Hopefully, it's not all or nothing ... like you have to lie or you have to dump a bucket of fish guts in their lap. As far as "totally upfront," that sounds too pat for me, like someone who says they're the only honest person in the room (which usually means they think they're the only honest person in the galaxy). My guess is that you're learning that not every date turns into a relationship. When I was young nobody dated ... so every hook up was successful (to a point) because it was someone you'd known for a while, had the hots for and finally found an opportunity. Here, everything is a blind date. Very different odds. Plenty of Fish has really got a sub-theme: You can't judge a book by its cover. But once you figure that out, what are you going to do? Keep giving it the old college try, I guess.

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Is it harder to fall in love after you reach a certain age? Posted: 11/7/2009 7:54:47 AM
What's the expression ... if you're not a socialist at age 20, you're an idiot. If you're still a socialist at age 30, you're an idiot. Love meets that criteria, I think.

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

feeling slutty, good? Posted: 11/6/2009 8:15:37 PM
I don't know that anyone is forcing women to dance seductively and, of course, the power of women is the power of the "flash," that come-and-get-me dress, behavior, dance, perfume, etc., etc., etc. They sure look like they're having a good time and, of course, the more seductive and erotic a woman gets on a dance floor the more likely she'll have a few female friends close by, which not only ups the heat on the erotic dancing, but gives her/them some protection from predators. Sure wish we could find a word in between "slut" and "nympho" that's the equivalent of "stud." Speaking for myself and about 6 trillion other guys, I get a kick out of watching a parade of coeds hit the dance floor and dance off some of the alcohol. If men get so much enjoyment out of it, why are the only words to describe it negative?

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Sex...Hurts? Posted: 11/6/2009 1:36:37 PM
I don't know how anyone could confidently answer this question without saying go to a doctor. Severe abdominal pain ... hello? I don't think your guy is quite that long.

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Cheating On Your Hot Wife/GF -? Posted: 11/6/2009 11:54:32 AM
After you've been eating steak a long time, those beans taste fine. After you've been drinking champagne and Chevas Regal, you're gonna settle for Boone's Farm wine. The world is funny. People are strange. Man is a creature of constant change, yeah, After you've been eating steak a long time, those beans taste fine.

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 57 (view)

How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying? Posted: 11/6/2009 8:19:28 AM
she`s not as sexual as i am and looks at sex as a choir Sex us a choir to me, too. And, I'm a tenor, so it really carries. Any suggestions?

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

if they say you're down to earth Posted: 11/6/2009 6:22:43 AM
I agree, I wouldn't read more into it. The thing is, some men enjoy a woman with long nails, who gets dolled up, puts on make-up, very feminine. Some prefer a woman who is wearing sneakers and doesn't own a make-up kit. The point is: Why would you change who you are to snag some guy, anyway?

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

What to say? Posted: 11/5/2009 7:52:37 PM
Love it, love it, love it. Scared to say, hey, wanna hang out sometime? It's really just a matter of screwing up your nerve and sputtering what you have to say. Don't practice any speeches, ever. That just makes you more nervous. Instead, just tell yourself over and over that it's just a matter of nerves and that it's one of those things where the nervousness just goes away (usually) halfway through the first sentence. This is one of those moments where there is no dodge; there's no substitute, no code, no magic approach that makes it easier. Do you want to cheat yourself out of learning something about yourself? Nah ... of course not. Just go for it, babe.

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

guy just wants to be friends for now... Posted: 11/5/2009 11:11:59 AM
My experience would say this guy is going through, not a hard time, but a very, very hard time. There's something going on that's got him backing away from an available date ... and it's a very peculiar excuse to say, "not tonight honey, I got a bit of a religious fervor happening tonight." That doesn't mean run ... he may need sensible friends for now. But you might want to run, because you might not want to get dragged into his issues, which I presume are very deep and potentially disturbing. You also might want to run because he'll be less and less available and you'll be more and more frustrated. That's my take. Put it in the wild guess category if you like, but I think this guy is very, very conflicted about something.

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Is porn ruining real live sex? Posted: 11/4/2009 9:28:13 PM
Very funny, Ohio ...

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Whats wrong if you dont feel like having sex? Posted: 11/4/2009 9:21:07 PM
Good answer Ependa. Op: Basically, you've got two problems, possibly three. First off, you could be denying her what she wants for herself. If the shoe was on the other foot, a woman just giving oral, there would certainly be times that would disappoint a man, wouldn't you think? Secondly, I think especially for women, they're led to believe pleasing a man is a no-brainer. That is to say, if a man doesn't please a woman, he blames the woman. If a women doesn't please a man she blames herself. (It's such a given that a woman is there to please a man that not allowing that requires a reality check ... like, huh, what just happened here?) Call that the altruism factor. Women get very happy pleasing a guy. So, you're taking that away from her, too. Problem three: Nah, that's unfair. Nevermind. Good question, dude.

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

skipping over issues Posted: 11/4/2009 3:09:28 PM
Let him go to the mountains. Actually, there's one strategy I know which is that some folks do better talking on the phone than they do in person. Phones lend themselves to talk only. For some it's less threatening. You might try saying in advance, "can we talk about something for five minutes," and then keep to the limit. When you say, ok, let's stop it's been five minutes, he may even want to continue. At which point, don't. He'll eventually feel duped if you go past the limit, even if it was his idea to do so. Make sure you always talk sitting down. It suggests calm. Keep your posture open; don't cross your arms, for example. Phrasing a question can be delicate. He may not like touchy-feely questions. You can read a lot of his feelings without those threatening questions ... just read his manners, his voice, etc. Don't get into studying him. Some people don't like to feel they're being studied like a lab rat. Ask your questions in a more casual, off-hand manner. You could look online for "rules of fighting" which are general rules on how to argue with someone and make progress instead of making someone angry or angrier. You might already know this stuff but a review is helpful.

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Why would a guy lead you on for years Posted: 11/4/2009 5:11:09 AM
My theory is he didn't lose interest or have a change of heart. My theory is that he knew all along or at least most of the time that he wasn't completely satisfied. Why would a guy do that? It's unfortunate, but sometimes it comes with the territory. Guy wants to tell you what you want to hear. Technically, I suppose you could say he was taking advantage of you if you want to be bitter about it. In point of fact, a guy who is singing how much he loves you for four years without moving forward is a red flag. But only time could really provide the proof one way or another. You, presumably, made good decisions based on the knowledge you had available at the time. A therapist I saw once said, "most people, when a marriage goes wrong, know when they're walking up the aisle to exchange vows that they're making a mistake." They just walk up the aisle, anyway, robotic, exchange vows and get on with the job of making everyone miserable. It's a good thing you didn't have to go through that. Divorce sucks. So, maybe you caught a break, although I'm sorry it's such a callous thing for me to put it like that.

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

When a man... Posted: 11/2/2009 11:25:19 AM
You don't work for Gallup, by any chance?

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

What can happen to cause you to think a girl/woman isn't interested? Posted: 11/1/2009 4:16:41 AM
Great question. The way I put it is that I don't accelerate through a yellow light to pursue a woman anymore. At my age, I realize dating is really easy, because there are plenty of women willing to give me a green light and I'm through doing cartwheels to impress someone. So, if a woman shows no interest, that's about that. I'm not here to persuade someone I'm their guy. That just makes me look like an idiot and I'm not happy unless both parties are happy with the relationship. Just to say so, some women expect to be chased. Some women expect flashing by a guy is enough to communicate interest. But guys get flashed all the time -- 99 percent of the time by a woman trying to get noticed by someone else, but nevertheless they get flashed constantly. Every ad on TV, every magazine ad, every feminine trick to attract attention. So men learn not to chase every flash that happens by, because a lot of the time that flash is for someone else. That said ... if you want to show interest, sometimes a woman has to be a bit more proactive than she is led to believe ...

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Good While Dating, But not for Marriage or LTR Posted: 10/30/2009 8:49:34 AM
Well put, Onemoondance. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Do you prefer a man who goes to the gym to enhance their sex life? Posted: 10/30/2009 8:45:46 AM
Good point ... now, just for a laugh, can you say TROLL ???

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

i dont get it Posted: 10/30/2009 7:13:09 AM
I'll toss my guesswork in with the rest. My first thought was: Wow, two dates and a bit of the snuggle on the porch. Not too shabby. Not such a bad start. Why do people back off: Welcome to the dating world. That's what people do, especially people in their 50s, it seems. If you put that on a continuum, how many kisses does it take for a 17-year old to say, "ok, I'm quitting school, moving in with Betty." I hope a few, but it's far less than it takes for a mature male to say the same thing. There are 1,000 reasons why older folks are more cautious. They have more to lose; they've been hurt before; they have other obligations. The flip side of possibly dating someone your parents may not like (wasn't that half the fun?) now includes making sure it doesn't upset your children. Perhaps there are material gains to protect. At 17, if I married the first cheerleader to look me in the eye, I would have been out $23.75 in a divorce. Now, I'd be out considerably more than that. Etc. etc.

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Is It Ever a Good Idea -? Posted: 10/29/2009 11:04:10 AM
My two best friends in my adult life are women I felt attracted to. They said no thanks, I licked my wounds and we moved on. Not impossible at all. We're not wild dogs, after all. (We just resemble them sometimes.)

Heptone

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Did He Actually Care? Posted: 10/29/2009 11:01:17 AM
If it puts your mind at ease, there was a study done (Stanford, I believe) in which they put a person in a room and a few others in a room next door with a glass window between them. They then told the subject the people in the other room were talking about him (or her). Guess how many cared. All of them. Everybody cares. 100 percent. So, I'd go with the thread above that says, just assume he cared and move on. How much he cared cannot be measured. But, assume he cared to some degree and let it go. Apples to oranges ... I certainly don't think so. But he'd have to be sociopathic to not care at all. And if he was sociopathic, this would be the least of your worries.

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