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Thread: Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why?

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 58 (view)

Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why? Posted: 4/21/2009 2:39:48 PM
I'm not ready to start comparing IRAs and CD's and all that crap. I'd have no objection to dating women my own age if they didn't act that old. I was dating a 49 year old guy who could only talk about his retirement from the state. It made me feel ancient, since I am actually embarking on a career in academia. His age did not bother me as much as his outlook on life. Age is not as important as where the person is in life.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 58 (view)

people who have the least to offer the most critical and picky? Posted: 4/21/2009 2:30:26 PM
I have met one man, 32, who lives with his mother, let's his mother put all his food in front of him and do his laundry, only makes $25,000 a year, is bald, not well educated, has no prospects for ever improving his life, blows all his money on junk and has his credit cards run up to the max. He is socially inept. Yet he is holding out for a model type girl, must be at least 5'6", under 30, must have very dark hair, slim and a beautiful face, no kids, non smoker. He will not consider someone with kids or who has a slight weight problem. Or just average looks. He "thinks he deserves more" as he put it. And if he ever finds this person and she falls in love with him, she will have to move in with him and his mother and take over his ailing mother's home based day care business so his mother can retire. It seems unrealistic to say the least. I have gone out with this guy's brother! The guy I went out with was 50 and wanted a 5'10 Russian model.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

That awful F word. Posted: 4/21/2009 2:18:24 PM
This reminds me of the great interview Mary Tyler Moore did with Barbara Walters so many years ago. Walters asked Mary about her "failed" marriage to Grant Tinker, head of CBS at the time, and Mary corrected her. I will always remember Mary's response. She said "I don't consider any of my marriages failures. I gained so much from every single one." I believe the same thing about my past relationships.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

people who have the least to offer the most critical and picky? Posted: 3/22/2009 8:04:49 PM
Yes I have noticed this and wonder what drugs they are taking. Do they have a special mirror like the ones in fun houses that make you look skinny? I see this a lot on the Internet and it is perplexing to me.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Just plain UGLY Posted: 3/22/2009 7:52:25 PM
Wow, that is mean and childish. Sounds like you dodge a bullet with her and how do you know her pic is real? No one has called me ugly, but I do not venture out too much on POF either. I do most of my dating in person. It is just easier that way.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 225 (view)

What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away? Posted: 2/19/2009 9:38:47 PM
I have been reading up on attachment disorders people have. That is when a baby feels secure, anxious, or avoident when his or her mother leaves the room and returns. People mimic this attachment in their adult relationships. The anxious type is clingy and needy. The avoident ignores the person who he or she wants attachment to. The secure one is balanced about his or her attachment. Once you figure out which one you are, you can monitor your actions. I think a lot of these types are quite anxious and just naturally clingy. They have not figured out how to self-sooth, or create secure bonds with others. Just my musings.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

Obsessive much? Posted: 2/4/2009 1:10:57 PM
"When I had a similar problem many years ago, the police told me that he had said that I was stalking him, and I was calling him all the time." That happens A LOT in cases like this! It's called "blaming the victim" and many stalkers do this. I would get a restraining order ASAP.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Re-kindling an old flame? Posted: 2/1/2009 3:54:03 PM
I would leave him alone. I always say there is nothing deader than a dead love affair. It sounds like you are lonely OP and just nostalgic. I would get involved with other activities and just forget him. Oh, I have had exes come back, but I don't go back once it's over. I just don't have that ability to forget the mistakes and try again. Most of the people who do rekindle past loves do it MANY years later and even then it is not always successful. I knew an older lady, about 75, who married her high school sweetheart a few years ago and is now getting a divorice from him! So it is always a gamble.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 79 (view)

Guys with kids Posted: 1/24/2009 8:55:28 PM
Well, I don't know if you do this OP, but my experience has been guys use their kids to get out of dating. I have had long term relationships with men with children with no problems, but I have gone out with men who, basically, use their children as a crutch and excuse. I don't have children and have no problem dating a man with children as long as he really wants a relationship. If a guy can handle his parental duties AND have time for relationship, there should not be too much of a problem.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Has something changed, have we lost the ability to put in hard work into a relationship? Posted: 1/24/2009 8:36:42 PM
OP, it is a number of things. For one, we are living a lot longer. Life expectancy has sky rocketed and continues to go up. This was not the case in early decades, where you were lucky to reach 80! Serial monogomy is not surprising with our longer life spans. Also, we are a much more moble society than we were even thirty years ago! We do not meet and mate right out of high school, like we did in early generations and we are staying single longer. People are not willing to put-up with unhappy relationships, as they once wear. The social acceptance of divorce has been a part of this. Many marriages of past decades were not happy ones. I have heard many horror stories of marriages that lasted until death. Good marriages have always been more of a rarity, but now we just talk about it more. It is socially acceptable to talk about marital dissatisfaction. On the downside, I do believe we live in a "want it now" society that does not appreciate the work of marriages and are quite unrealistic about what they entail. American society is very much filled-up with ideas from films, television, and the media of unrealistic expectations. The wedding industry in the United States is HUGE. My theory is: know thyself. Know who and what you are before you marry someone. The more you know about yourself, the better you will be at finding and keeping a mate.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 133 (view)

Talking to someone who seems overly comfortable with you....BEFORE even meeting Posted: 1/24/2009 4:59:23 PM
"They are trying to build a false sense of intimacy so you feel like you know them better than you actually do when you do meet. I stay OFF the phone prior to meeting. " I totally agree with this! Keep phone conversations short and meet as soon as possible. It is too easy to get excited over someone over the telephone then be disappointed when you meet in person.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Why!! can't a women ask a man Posted: 1/19/2009 6:42:51 AM
OP, the women in question might think the guy is "Internet only" and a waste of time. These are men who never want to meet in the "real world", but only live via the Internet. Unfortunately, this happens from time to time in online dating. I know I have met a few men like this and I just move on. This is especially true if there is a bit of physical distance involved. I meet the guy pretty much right off the bat. I have no problem suggesting a coffee meet from online, but after that, I pretty much leave it up to the guy. I figure if he is interested, he will let me know after the first meeting. Blame that wonderful book "He's Just Not That Into You" for a lot of women's hesitance. I meet so many women who quote that book verbatim.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Getting past the 2nd and 3rd dates Posted: 1/18/2009 6:27:26 PM
OP, it sometimes takes two to three dates to figure out whether or not you can go further with someone. Sounds like that is what is happening with you. The women were not too sure after the first date, but figured it out after the second, or third date. Also remember these women are probably going out with others. I had a week of coffee meet/dates once. Two guys I was not sure of , three I never wanted to see again, and the last I really clicked with. Maybe these women decided to get serious about other men. For whatever reason, when you are interested in one guy, all the guys come out of the woodwork. I don't think it is anything you are doing. It is just the way dating happens.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Trend of Lame Initial Emails Posted: 1/18/2009 6:19:16 PM
Wow! Women contact you? The way these threads keep coming, you would think no man on POF gets an e-mail. Your profile must be amazing. I think I have sent possibly two e-mails to men on POF. One we became friends and the other never responded. I would send more e-mails if there were more interesting male profiles, or the guys lived closer to me, but that is not the case. OP, be glad you get some e-mails!

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Marriage Posted: 1/18/2009 6:01:20 PM
I would never live with a guy without being married! If he wants me, in the words of Beyoncé via Sasha Fierce, he can put a ring on it. Why not marry the woman? To me that is a big waste of time. The only reasons I can think of, not to marry, involve money. A lot older people do not marry due to social security and various other legal snafus. I know of two very wealthy men who are not legally married to their live-in girlfriends, but they tell everyone they are married. The men in question do not want to part with their assets in case of divorce, since they live in California, the wives get half.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Ever go for a guy AFTER giving him the Nice Guy Speech Posted: 1/18/2009 5:55:16 PM
I have never given that speech, but I have gotten it and when you get it RUN!!! I have had men come back to me and say they SHOULD have had a relationship with me. Usually, the guy is in between two women and he decides on another woman, but it doesn't work out so he comes back to the one he gave-up. I would not give a "nice guy" speech, because it is pretty spineless.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Role Reversal Posted: 1/18/2009 5:47:37 PM
I would assume a lot of these women feel if you are so loose with them, physically, that you cannot be trusted for a long term relationship. Many guys will openly state they will sleep with one woman, but have a relationship with another. Heck, there are tons of books on this! If you really want to have a deeper relationship with a woman, don't sleep with her on the first date and get to know her beyond the sex.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Lust or Love Posted: 1/15/2009 10:39:43 PM
If you have to ask, I would say it is lust. Of course, lust can turn into love if it properly nurtured.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Too picky = Too dangerous? Posted: 1/15/2009 10:36:49 PM
I don't know what women you have been dating, but I do not have low self-esteem. My self-esteem does not come from my looks though. My parents gave me my looks, so I really can't take credit for them. My self-esteem comes from accomplishing goals in my life. Why not notice a woman's talents? Looks will fade, but what is inside will last forever.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Why all girls want to Dating Posted: 1/15/2009 10:28:06 PM
I don't quite get this question. Everything pretty much starts off as dating and friendship. I put "long term" on profile, but I am not going to get committed to the first guy I go out with; I still have to date him. It begins with dating and friendship and may progress to something more.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

forbidden love ....whats your rating Posted: 1/15/2009 10:17:46 PM
I don't understand the question, but I would love to sleep with Dustin Hoffman. None of my girlfriends have SOs I want to sleep with.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

should an introverted guy bother contacting an outgoing woman? Posted: 1/15/2009 8:33:21 PM
I am an introvert who appears to be an extrovert and actually prefer introverted men. An ideal day for me would be reading a book with a man without having to speak. People are always matching me up with extroverts and I hate it! They assume that my gregarious personality means I love to be around people nonstop, but that is not the case. Now if the woman in question is a major party animal who needs to be out and about a lot, whereas you are more of a homebody, that can cause problems. Look at the interests of the women. Does she have more solitary interests as opposed to more social ones? It never fails to boggle my mind at how many men do not read the interests in women's profiles and then wonder why they have nothing in common.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Keyword Posted: 1/15/2009 8:25:39 PM
Oh, that "looking for a nice girl" crud! That makes me think, "oh, I thought you wanted the wicked witch of the west!" Everyone is looking for a "nice" person. Bitterness and anger towards women turns me off too.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 129 (view)

Talking to someone who seems overly comfortable with you....BEFORE even meeting Posted: 1/15/2009 7:54:33 PM
A lot of Internet guys do this with me and I just ignore it. As you stated, nine times out of ten it goes nowhere and you never hear from the guy again. I am just open to meeting the guy and seeing where it goes. It's good not to give yourself a false sense of security, because you still have not met the guy and you don't know if the chemistry will be there.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 54 (view)

Forum usage effecting your dating? Posted: 1/13/2009 11:27:21 PM
I forgot, I did have one guy e-mail me who wanted to argue with me about all women being "gold diggers." I just deleted his e-mail, because he was a waste of time.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Being stood up after being a few minutes late for first date Posted: 1/13/2009 9:55:28 PM
"After talking to me on the phone, not more than 10 minutes earlier?" OP the lady does not KNOW you! She may have thought you were BSing her. That happens a lot with online dating. The whole "meet" is to get to know the person. Sure she could not have called you if she did not have a cell phone. I think the lady probably thought you were standing her up and she left.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Emailing Posted: 1/13/2009 9:47:40 PM
Read the ladies' profile and ask her about her interests. Does she cook, travel, paper maché? Ask her about one of her hobbies. Don't do the "you sure are pretty" wrap. Take yourself away from the pack.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Being stood up after being a few minutes late for first date Posted: 1/13/2009 9:44:47 PM
I give a guy 15 minutes and that's it. When I first came onto online dating, I was stood-up. She might have thought the same. You got to the town at 5:15 pm so you were already 15 minutes late OP. You were actually a half hour late, because it took you another 10 minutes to get to the restaurant. The lady was right to leave. I would have too. Next time make sure you give yourself enough time to get there. Why did you not have the courtesy to show-up on time?

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Why do women block you... Posted: 1/13/2009 9:31:00 PM
"since when does a man's response have anything to do with it.... thats where i see the lack of logic in that argument. So what is 1 out of 10 guys do this and 4 do that - how are you letting it change your response?" How is that lack of logic? Past experiences predict future ones. If a person has continued types of e-mails from random people, surely he or she is going to think others will act the same way. If 10 guys give you crudd for a "polite, no thanks." The chances of the 11th guy getting a response are pretty slim. Now it that fair no, but is it understandable, yes. I have had guys get upset with me, because THEY did not read my profile! I had a guy say I had "attitude, " because I politely replied and said we were not a match after reading his profile! That's why I have questions on my profile. If the guy can answer a few of the questions, I know we may click. I respond to all my e-mails and I have never had to block anyone.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 770 (view)

Reporting And deleting Main images Posted: 1/13/2009 9:16:06 PM
I think it is a good idea. I saw a guy using a cologne ad pic FOREVER! He finally had to take it down. I wondered how long it was going to take POF to figure it out. I never tattled on him, but it was pretty obvious to me.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

Forum usage effecting your dating? Posted: 1/13/2009 9:09:33 PM
OP, no one reads my forum posts! The men who e-mail me never mention my forum posts. I wish they would read them, because they probably would have a better handle on who I am, so far it is just about my picture. The typical "you sure are pretty." I did have to get away from the forums though. They were actually depressing me a bit. Dating goes up and down on POF for me. I do not think there is a connection there. Right now all online dating is going up.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

Herpes Posted: 1/13/2009 8:42:24 PM
Well, herpes would be a big deal to me! I don't have it and would like it to stay that way. Many celebrities have it though.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

What if the tables were turned??? Posted: 1/13/2009 8:20:32 PM
OP, are you a tad bitter?

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

A question of semantics... Posted: 1/13/2009 8:18:59 PM
"Ladies" is nice. It's much better than some of the other things we are called.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Why do women block you... Posted: 1/13/2009 8:16:01 PM
I have never had to block anyone.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 209 (view)

Can a man be too tall to date? Posted: 1/12/2009 1:53:37 PM
hat is hilarious ... I can't imagine someone saying something sooooo incredibly exaggerated. That's why it's called a "joke." My old roommate called him jockd!ck too.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 91 (view)

Dating International,Is It the Best? Posted: 1/8/2009 10:12:06 PM
"They love to travel to foreign countries, talk about foreign civilizations, and see new things they haven't seen before. They might believe that a person should move out of their parents' home when they are ready, or when they marry someone. They might like hockey or soccer over football, and perhaps the opera." This is very true. It is also a different values system in Europe compared to the U.S. ; at least in the countries I favor. They look at marriage and families much differently than the U.S. The divorce rate in Italy was 10% in 2002! In the U.S., it goes between 52% to 48%. There is also more love of the arts and living that you do not really feel in the U.S. They value education just for its own sake, not just for career advancement. It is an all round different vibe.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Whats the most outragous thing you`ve done to turn someone off you? Posted: 12/20/2008 9:33:39 PM
I gotta say, sometimes being honest does not work! You can look a guy right in the face and say "get lost" and if the guy really likes you, he will think you are playing hard to get. People believe what they want to believe sometimes and project onto others. I act like a nut when I want to get rid of someone. I mention my piles of debt and my annoying exes and that does the trick.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 100 (view)

Madonna concert tour,,Why dont some men like her???? Posted: 12/20/2008 8:07:22 PM
"Do you not listen to her music because she sets a bad example, or ignore all of that and just get in to the tunes??" Madonna makes EVERYTHING political! Madonna has said many times she does not want women to dress like her, but "think" like her. So if she puts that out there, I can judge her examples and say she is not doing a great job! No, I am not a Madonna fan and never have been. I always thought she had a squeaky voice and was not too original. I would say fine if she were just singing, but she is not.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 98 (view)

Madonna concert tour,,Why dont some men like her???? Posted: 12/20/2008 8:19:30 AM
I agree with the posters that Madonna does not make a great role model. I think that is where she falls down the most. Especially, when it comes to aging and being young at all costs. Grace Slick and Joan Baez are much better role models for women and have aged great dignity, whereas Madonna is still wearing the same outfits from her "Erotica" days. Madonna had a wonderful platform to address ageism, but instead decided to compete with 2o somethings. I would definitely not want my daughter looking up to Madonna.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Is dating in the real world a piece of cake compared to online? Posted: 12/14/2008 8:02:41 PM
OP, I think it is just easier to date in the "real" world period. The chemistry question is answered right away. In the online world, the chemistry question is the deal breaker. It's a bummer to meet someone you have been talking to online to find out you are not physically attracted to them in person.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 482 (view)

What have you learned from online dating ? Posted: 12/14/2008 6:35:04 PM
"That's a broad generalization. I think most people care about looks to at least some degree. However some people ( regardless of gender ) will put more emphasis on looks than others will." A broad generalization, but a pretty accurate one! I think if a woman has a good pic, she could be an ax murder and state it in her profile and still get tons of messages. I have been on a few online sites and I would say 99.9% of the guys were about looks. The one guy on EHarmony who responded to me due to my profile alone, could not see my pic! I had one guy notice I had WD40 in my pic, but he was quite an anal and bitter guy.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 481 (view)

What have you learned from online dating ? Posted: 12/14/2008 6:26:37 PM
I have learned some people use Internet dating as a crutch for not living in the real world. On the Internet you can be anything and a lot of people want to live in fantasyland.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 223 (view)

How do YOU handle rejection? Posted: 12/14/2008 6:22:19 PM
Well, I just found out there is a mathematical equation to finding a mate! A mathmatican figured out it takes at least 100 dates to find a suitable mate and most find their mates by the 37 date! Do you know how much rejection you have to face to get to a 100 dates? Quite a bit, if you think about it. So date as much as you can and look for that 37 date!

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 98 (view)

Why do men stop messenging when you refuse the sex Posted: 12/3/2008 2:26:30 PM
What I don't understand are the guys who keep trying even after they are told point blank "it's not going to happen for you." I am sure there are women who persist with this too, but I have only experienced this with men. I wish a guy would disappear after I said "no way." Count your blessings OP.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Who do you write for? Posted: 11/23/2008 5:43:26 PM
Funny, but my mother thinks she is every character! I hate to burst her bubble and tell she is not. You will run into people who think everything you write is about them. I wrote a short story and an ex-boyfriend read it and was sure it was him. The story was actually based on a conversation I overheard on the subway. I personally do not care. That is the joy of being an artist, being able to express yourself and to heck with what anyone thinks! What is interesting to me is how people interpret my work. I set out with an idea and someone reads it and comes up with something else. That can be quite interesting.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

What's the opposite of writers block? How do you deal with it? Posted: 11/23/2008 5:35:14 PM
I just let it rip! I love it when my characters live this way. I am very character driven and you can always edit later.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

Those Whiney profiles Posted: 11/23/2008 10:21:50 AM
I'm with Wildman 46 on this one! Why bother with a woman who was polite enough to tell you "no thanks?" Why not spend the energy looking for a woman who does want you? I have run across a few guys and gals like this and cannot figure it out. It's not like there are more than two sexes! Women are around 50% of the population. If a guy tells me to "take a hike." I take a hike! There are too many fish in the sea for this type of behavior.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

arabs, indians, pakistanis and all. Are we disadvantaged ? Posted: 11/23/2008 9:21:55 AM
ok but there are lots of christian lebs, indian christians, non religious arabs... jewish tunisians morrocans" They are in the minority! The majority of Middle-Eastern men and Pakastanis are Muslim. Also, this is just MY experience, I have not had really good experiences with Muslim men. People generally base there dating on past experiences.

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

what just happened Posted: 11/23/2008 9:15:44 AM
OP, the slip of "sweaty" for "sweety"is kind of interesting. Did you meet this woman? If you did not, you did not have a "relationship," but a chat buddy. A lot of people are not ready for relationships, even when they say they are. Seems this woman falls into that catagory. Maybe you said something wrong, but from what you have stated. It may hurt right now, but it is best to know this information sooner than later.

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