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hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

What's Your Greatest Dating Strength(s) Posted: 5/6/2008 5:36:31 PM
I ask them questions. It's an opportunity to get to know them. Very few ask questions back. Maybe I'm too good an audience?

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

Brain vs Heart Posted: 4/11/2008 8:38:33 PM
I've found that no matter how much my brain says "Yep, this could work." if my heart and instincts are left cold it isn't going to work. The most successful relationship I've ever had involved all facets. If it's not there on any given front you'll have a tough time manufacturing it and it's likely to become work rather than a commitment to work at it together. No heart, chemistry or spark and it takes the fun out of it. Might as well kiss your brother. It is possible to have it all, but it becomes tiresome to keep searching. It would be all too easy to settle just to pull away from the search, but it wouldn't make the day any brighter.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Spiritually, menatlly, emotionally and physically Posted: 4/7/2008 3:44:02 PM
Man, I had it all. Loved it. Lost him to cancer. Wouldn't be here if that hadn't happened. Can lightening strike twice?

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

her best friend Posted: 4/6/2008 7:18:50 AM
Message 10 nailed it. You could try to fix up her girlfriend so you double rather than 3 wheel it. BF might feel awkward and that she had more fun when it was just the two of them. Probably not jealous of your relationship as much as the time she's missing out on. Sure hope you're not sharing every date with the BF.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

In Need Of Some Help And Advice Posted: 4/4/2008 8:02:13 PM
The urge to curse that loser out may be strong and you might think it will relieve some of your hurt, but it won't. It would be hard on your children and only increase your turmoil. You also don't want to inflict that emotional wreckage on your unborn daughter. Want to cause him pain? Cut him out of your life. Hang up on him without speaking. Return any mail with "Return to Sender" on the envelope. No explanation necessary. Deny his existence. Give him nothing. Not attention, time or energy. That will cause him more concern and he'll try harder. Don't let him in. It will drive him insane and save your sanity. He is scum. You deserve better. Your kids deserve better. Write him off for your sake and the sake of your children. Better alone than with him. Give it time. You will find your happiness.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 264 (view)

Ladies: guy kissing you or asking to kiss you? Posted: 4/4/2008 7:44:29 PM
If you're observant you shouldn't have to ask if you may kiss her. Does she touch you or lean into you? Does she hold your eyes with hers? Does she lick her lips as if she's wondering what yours might taste like? Have you been holding hands? Does she lean toward you to listen to you speak? If you can answer yes to three of these questions you can bet she'll wonder why you didn't kiss her when you walk away. She'll be self conscious if you meet again, feeling inadequate. I've always found it more alluring if a man gently holds my cheek as he holds my gaze and leans in. If I'm attracted I don't move away from his hand. The gentle start can build to a lovely crescendo. Romance. Save us from the lunger whose approach is the closed eyes and the open mouth who checks for a gag reflex thinking it's attractive. No finesse. No class. No further. Should you kiss? Can you do it well, with understanding of the vibes? A kiss can be seduction or assault. Gentle nuzzling, face to face, makes a kiss a natural outcome, not a goal to score.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 108 (view)

im gonna give up soon.. Posted: 3/30/2008 7:16:02 PM
Depression has many levels and causes. A psychologist or counselor can help you be more objective in your thinking but if there is a physiological cause with a crisis trigger it may require medication. A thyroid failure, an endocrine imbalance, other difficulties can occur that can only be treated medically. A counselor telling you to go for further counseling may believe you need that. Even if you didn't, ruling out root causes can also be helpful. A psychiatrist can treat all aspects of depression. A history of depression could well have a physiological cause and the pattern of thinking may become ingrained without an objective viewpoint. Everyone is saddened by a breakup or a forced change in life. Sometimes it helps just to be open to change since we can't possibly stop it and to look for the future opportunities that may exist. Hard to do when you're in the black hole, but hope does help. Believing that there is a reason and purpose to your life and looking for it helps. Don't give up. I know a woman over one hundred years old. She's lived through some incredibly difficult life experiences. I asked her how she did it. She said "Just keep moving forward." She's a vital 100, with all her faculties and still gets around, lives in her own home with very little help. When I feel down, I think about her and make myself "get moving" again after allowing myself time to think things over or just feel what I'm feeling. It's OK to be angry or sad. It's also OK for you to be angry at the girlfriend who obviously wasn't worth your energy anyway. She's shallow if she dumps you over economics. Coincidence? I think not. Suicidal thinking is anger turned inward, or sometimes a little vengeful in "I'll show you" attitude. Either way, the person or people who should regret it probably won't and the pain for you will ease if you can work through it. Take care. You are cared about.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Art in Washington? Posted: 3/25/2008 7:50:35 PM
I'm heading to Washington for a couple of days and would like to know what galleries and museums you'd recommend. I was thinking the Smithsonian and the National Gallery. I've been to the war memorials but want to stick to art galleries this time. Sometimes the small galleries also have a lot to offer. What are the must see places you'd recommend? I only have two days, so I'll have to prioritize. Thanks everyone. The trip is the second week of April, 2008.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

drawing with the right side of the brain... Posted: 3/18/2008 6:39:03 AM
You can post your work as long as you're in the picture.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Hand blown glass art Posted: 3/18/2008 6:29:15 AM
I love art glass and appreciate the skill and creativity that's involved in the production of one of a kind pieces. I've seen so many pieces I'd love to own. Unfortunately most of it is unaffordable for me and most glass artists don't care to barter work for work. Careful posting web sites. It can get your thread deleted. Went through that with one.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

ART pet peeves Posted: 3/18/2008 6:11:06 AM
Pet peeves? 1. The assumption that it's a God given talent that "flows" from your hands. Being a gift, shouldn't it be free? Watching fluency and believing it's always been that easy without any work, thought, practice or development. 2. Believing art must be functional in some way to have value without recognizing intrinsic value. "I could go to Wal Mart and buy a pitcher like that with a clock in it for a lot less." (Actual quote at an art fair.) [pronouncing picture as pitcher is another one!] 3. People wanting work for next to nothing and excusing it with "I thought you were my friend." 4. People buying machine made prints with artists signatures and willingly paying hundreds of dollars more because of reputation rather than supporting an artist willingly by buying original work. Many will do this as an "investment", expecting it to increase in value for a later profit. There is good original work out there available for less but it's disregarded because of reputation. 5. All the requests for free work for various groups and enterprises. 6. Commissions by control freaks. Talk about killing the creative energy!

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 102 (view)

Who is on your favorites lists? Posted: 1/21/2008 3:25:13 PM
I have a large favorites list. They are friends who share mutual interests, whose intellect and wit I appreciate and admire. Most of them were in the forums. Some found me, some I found. Why are they there? They enlarge my world. The likelihood of meeting may be remote, but if ever there is a chance, I will make a point of it. They are all over this continent, Europe and Asia. That's the best part of all of this. Making friends. Snail mail pen pals used to be common. Now we have the internet. It's an amazing opportunity to enjoy other viewpoints and expand my world. I appreciate the people on my favorites list. Sometimes I want to see what they've posted and write them. If it was just about dating the list would be pretty empty. I would love to be rich and pay a ticket for all of them to come together and meet. The most amazing conversations would ensue, the spark of personalities would rival the North Star for sheer light.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Never Give Up! Posted: 1/19/2008 7:03:37 AM
Soulshine, congratulations. I hope it works out beautifully for you. hearteacher

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 118 (view)

Is it just me...or is a good voice important? Posted: 1/16/2008 5:28:35 PM
Romantic Heretic, I totally know what you mean. I've know some darned sexy men with incredible voices. My "gaydar" just didn't go off and they were totally into men! I've also known some men you'd swear were gay that were not. It's just another instance of "Don't judge a book by it's cover". Defining people by gender stereotypes is pretty limiting anyway. I know a woman with a whiny voice who loves to hear herself talk. Needless to say I find another direction to head when I see her coming!

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 117 (view)

Is it just me...or is a good voice important? Posted: 1/16/2008 5:20:05 PM
Man, ugly Betty (Not ugly girl!) I have to agree with you. I love to listen to all the actors you mentioned. They could read a grocery list and I'd find it fascinating. My husband had a great voice and I loved to listen to him talk. I'd ask question after question just to keep him going. As far as men I've met, a good voice can turn my head. It's up to them to keep me interested enough to want to hear their voice though. I tune out the football scores and cleaning fish stories!

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

Did a dumb trick- now need help Posted: 1/1/2008 7:42:26 PM
Ah, Sam I Am, You are why women avoid some men. Sub group: chauvinism. "Me carry club. Me fix door, then beat woman, grunt". Don't you know people can read what you write in the forums? So, are you on this site for dating or amusement? Must be for fun or you wouldn't have posted that. I think a lot of people have had "dumb driving mistakes", but hopefully we all learn from them. I will never try to leave the garage with the hatch up ever again. If it's icy the garbage will just wait until walking is safe the next week.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 537 (view)

Joke of the day !! Posted: 12/9/2007 4:54:14 AM
Thought you might enjoy this one. Ed and Dorothy through Plenty of Fish, and Ed fell head over heels in love with her when they finally met. On the third date, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how they would continue the relationship. "It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut," Ed said to his lady friend. "I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so if that's a problem, you'd better say so now." Dorothy responded, "If we're being honest with each other, here goes...........I'm a hooker." "I see," Ed replied, and was quiet for a moment. Then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off."

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 58 (view)

Have you ever had a psychic connection with someone? Posted: 12/1/2007 8:33:47 AM
I've had several psychic connections with people I care about. Some experiences have been dramatic, but not all. Some have been consistent, regardless of distance, and some are sporadic. Those I'm connected to know it also. The hardest thing is to sort what is mine and what's theirs, particularly if they're having health issues. There are gifts to the human spirit (some say curse) that need no proof when experienced. It's a bit like faith. Those that believe, do. Some hope. Others are skeptical and discount psychic phenomena of all kinds. It really doesn't matter if everyone believes it and empirical proof isn't going to change the phenomena. I think many skeptics are rooted in envy. "I don't have it, therefore it doesn't exist, because if it did I would have it. I don't have it, therefore it doesn't exist and I'll debunk the claimants." The emotional level is overlaid with a great deal of rationalization, circular reasoning and "logic". We're not at a stage of human development to explain that which we don't understand. Does it really matter if everyone "believes"? Probably not, as long as we can maintain a live and let live attitude about it. To share that connection with someone is to share life force. It can bolster or rob, depending on intent. It's as important to listen to your gut in those situations as in online dating or meeting strangers. It can be such a blessing if used well. It is a relief to recognize how many people are out there who also have experience and try to be a positive force with it.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 115 (view)

Widow/ers: Greatest fears of dating them Posted: 11/28/2007 4:18:38 PM
OP, I'm also a widow. My husband died Mar. 1, 2005. I spent a year and a half in a fog and when I started to feel again my two adult children pushed me to start rebuilding my life. Widowhood, no matter how good or bad your marriage, requires redefining who you are in this new context. I was lucky. My husband was 18 years older than I but we were perfect for each other. When anyone would say "He'll die before you" my response was that it could just as easily be me. We cared for each other and were the best of friends. It was hard to nurse him through those last couple of years but not because he was hard to care for. The easiest and most pleasant patient anyone could have. The medical community loved him. It was hard to watch him slipping away a bit at a time. We fought his cancer together. I went into denial and refused to face that he was dying after we got him into a drug trial. It left me numb when he passed away, shocked. I thought we'd beat it. I'm out there now because of him. He left me with no guilt, gratitude that I got to have him in my life and be part of his, and the knowledge that he wanted me to continue my life and be the best me possible. I will always be grateful for that parting gift, no guilt and the knowledge that he loved me and knew I loved him. Part of being my best self is sharing love with others, whether family, friends or students. It was a pretty fine marriage with a full complement of ups and downs, but we never fought with each other. We discussed, problem solved and came to agreements. I was happy. He was happy. I cannot imagine a life without someone to lavish love on or to be loved by. It's a dimension of existence that, once you've had it, you hope to find it again. I find it ludicrous when someone I date feels threatened by the memory of my husband or that they could replace him. I haven't dated a lot, but one person felt they were competing with my husband's memory. That was their problem, competition is bred from insecurity and the need to prove something. Nobody will be the same person. Competition is pointless and a waste of time. I'm a different person now too. What is needed in life will appear and the needs change as life continues. You have to be open to recognize and embrace the changing needs. Life is a puzzle and each person is a unique piece, with a special place of their own. If I find another love, great, but I will survive and love with or without a long term relationship. Each relationship adds dimension to our lives, whether it's parent, sibling, children, grandchildren, friends or a lover. My husband gave me faith in my own judgement, my ability to care deeply, my right to respect myself and so much more. I'm a better person through our relationship. Of course I'd like to have that again, more than I'd first realized. He did that for me through his faith in me, intellectual stimulation and ability to see beyond the immediate, as well as the love shared. If and when I find the right guy he'll benefit from the success of the first relationship. Sorry, I think those that fear widows and widowers are cutting themselves short. Too bad for them.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

what happens when a guy courts you,you meet, its great but then only he wants an online relationship Posted: 11/26/2007 9:00:45 PM
I'm sorry this happened to you. There's no real way to tell if it's the thrill of the chase or if they're genuine. Don't give up. Not everyone is a player, some are very genuine and considerate. Just have to sort the wheat from the chaff. Hang in there. You bring more to the table than most and can afford to be picky. Head games are meat and potatoes for some and poison to others. Just be aware that it's his problem, not yours. Don't take it as a rejection, just look at it for what you've learned and move on. Good luck.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

To Paint Posted: 11/26/2007 6:32:32 PM
The image on the canvas The picture in a song The words that sweetly beckon The limned edges in a throng. Words are the brush and pigment for the canvas in the brain The lilting sweep of colors From the authors we all gain. Thank you for the writing Thank you for the song Thank you for the well placed brush That makes our spirit strong. Thanks for sharing Mike. heARTeacher

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 177 (view)

Have you ever written to someone without seeking a date? Posted: 11/16/2007 9:46:40 PM
Dread wrote "That is one of the best things about the forums. Many of the posters are quite informative and more then willing to be of assistance of the forums as well. You might not agree with many of their postings but a mutual respect often develops" Isn't that really the best part of POF after all? Some really interesting people with a different viewpoint that expands our world and makes us think and reexamine who we are. I value the friends I've made, male and female, and put them on favorites so I can stay in touch or follow their posts which are usually what interested me to begin with. Date or no date, the feeling of connectedness and the evolving relationships make it a highlight in the day. Such great minds! Such good and compassionate hearts! Such humor! Such insight! (OK, they're not redundant, I am!) I learn from them and appreciate them. Thanks to all of you. I wouldn't have you for friends if you hadn't responded when I wrote you admiring your post or profile.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 341 (view)

Dating Someone With A High IQ Posted: 11/16/2007 9:06:19 PM
I'm attracted to intelligence too, but I've known people who were extraordinarily intelligent and appeared to be pretty ordinary, and those who appear to be intelligent and merely have a good memory or an acerbic wit. There are people who are weak in one area and brilliant in others. I think the question is whether highly intelligent people are capable of bringing anything to the table in a relationship. Would they be interested in you? Your ideas and insights? If the person feels the need to continually pontificate they'd better be looking for a "not so smart" match who will be content to be an admirer/fan/sycophant. Intelligence is stimulating when it's paired with an open and caring mind. I guess the balance between the IQ and the EQ should be a major factor. Ever had a real conversation with the master mechanic, taxi driver or habitat volunteer and been pleasantly surprised at how stimulating and thought provoking the conversation was? By the same token, people in those same roles could be bigoted, chauvinistic, opinionated and ignorant. The same could apply in any professional area. It's more about personality paired with intelligence, isn't it? IQ is not a finite quantity and the score is variable with testing conditions. I find it questionable when anyone feels compelled to state their IQ numbers. It starts to sound like "my dad can beat your dad". Why compete? It doesn't need validated if you're comfortable with it. The proof is in what you say and the way you think and problem solve. It's not whatcha got, it's whatcha do with it. Just my opinion.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Davenport, And The Quad Cities Posted: 11/11/2007 5:06:17 AM
Char, the only way anyone can contact you is if you change your preferences on who can contact you. If you list you're looking for friends and want women to also be able to contact you then you'll have to change your preferences to anyone. We're in the same town, both widows near the same age. I'm further into it than you are. Never hurts to have more friends.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

A Davenport get together sounds good, Need to get it out past here though. Posted: 11/11/2007 4:58:18 AM
If everyone wore a little yellow fish you'd know they were POFers. Someone could print them on stickers from their computer. Mailing labels? I just tried copying it and it works so it would be the same fish for everyone. Maybe POF would consider posting something that could be used for POF gatherings? Grab a buddy, set a date, put it on your profile. Might take a month to get it going. Name a time and place for every Friday or Saturday night and maybe a following will start. You'd have to be consistent so word has a chance to spread. I don't know the hotspots well enough to choose one, but I think I have a friend now that might go with me to mingle. It would be great if the place had a dance floor that wasn't too small. Grey Wolf is fun to dance to. There also needs to be space where it's possible to hold a conversation. One fish could mean single to mingle. Two could mean got a date. could mean "Hooked but we're here for fun." Somebody with knowledge set up a spot and we'll all get the word out. The QC singles group has a yearly membership fee. POF is free, so the mingling should be too. It needs a core group to be faithful to it every week for at least a month or two just to get it going so people start showing up. The group will ebb and flow but the core group needs to act as hosts to break the ice, make others feel welcome and get over their self consciousness. I'd help with that. Teaching background makes it a natural. So, who is on board with this? Want to get it going? VOLUNTEERS???????

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Newbie has a question Posted: 11/11/2007 4:36:21 AM
Often people are saved as favorites because they've become friends with someone through the forums. If you like the way someone thinks and responds sometimes you like to follow what they write. It's like having a favorite singer or writer. Seldom, to my knowledge, is it like the shopping list of potential dates. Those are the ones you write and ask why and if there is no response you delete them. That's a little creepy. Kind of like voyeurism. Sorry, I can't help you with the single dad and dating. Sometimes you just have to be patient. The one for you may not be on the sites yet. Give her a little time. In the meantime, try going to dances. There is always a shortage of men at those. You might get some followup dates out of those.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 153 (view)

Spiritual But Not Religious.. Posted: 11/4/2007 6:31:58 PM
Trippy Hare, I normally avoid sarcasm, but when I read your response to the formless intellect I had to laugh. Thank you. I needed that. I think , in my long winded way I was trying to say: Belief requires systems. Faith requires nothing. (Sorry, I seem to be a compulsive writer...no brakes on the keyboard...trying...uh...pulling awa

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 147 (view)

Spiritual But Not Religious.. Posted: 10/31/2007 2:24:10 PM
This thread hasn't been active since July 05, but I recently had a discussion with a friend about "spiritual but not religious" and what various people mean by that. When I say that it's the outcome of my life's experience. I left the Catholic church at 12 in my heart and at 14 in attendance. I explored other churches and found the same things that bothered me in the Catholic church were apparent in some form in the others. Many people attend church to strengthen their faith and provide them with a sense of community. Adults tend to pass on dogma to children with the expectation of blind acceptance assuming the child cannot possibly discuss it. Indoctrination does not guarantee faith. Religion does not guarantee faith. Some people express belief in a diety couched in different religious doctrine. That's an intellectual approach. The less sure they are, in my experience, the more prone they are to try to convert others. Those with faith don't believe, they know, deep within themselves. There is no question for them. Generally they don't talk about it, they live it. I am not comfortable ascribing to any given religion that denies the validity of the religion or faith of others, particularly when so many religions aren't Christian. I believe (intellectually) that all religions have a piece of the reality. The eventual meld may have more reality, but likely won't condemn entire groups because of differences. Better to look for commonalities and acceptance. Most religions are theistic, believing in a higher power, and based on the premise "do good and avoid evil". Those are the foundation. The doctrine and dogma are the the church, mosque, temple, etc. Spiritual? Theistic. Mono-theistic or poly-theistic. The great thing about it is there really is room for everyone to be respected. Zealotry, to my mind, marks insecurity. Ever met anyone with true faith? It's pretty incredible. Spiritual, to me, means I'm theistic but don't ascribe to a single religion. Hence, spiritual but not religious.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 154 (view)

Ever met someone PRETTIER than their pics? Posted: 10/27/2007 11:35:29 AM
Some pics that are posted are deceptive. You meet them and they weigh 40 more pounds that the early photos show. They show themselves with facial hair but have none when you meet them and the neck or chin is better with the beard. The photo is that fish eye view from the computer camera and they can't help but look better in person . The camera adds 10 pounds. Some can use it, some can't. If you're serious about all this it's better to have a decent photo taken somewhere and put that up. Sometimes meeting someone you've only seen in photos is a pleasant surprise, not so much because of their looks as the genuine personality that comes through. My looks are simply OK for someone my age, but I'm told my personality and smile are better than the pics. I can live with that. Looks can fade or be stolen by illness. If you haven't got more than that you're likely to be disappointed, no matter how attractive someone is in photos.

hearteacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

dancing Posted: 10/24/2007 6:06:14 PM
rawdpvce, If a guy has a love of dance, confidence in himself and takes pleasure in really dancing his smile will be contagious and eye contact will be automatic... most women would flock to the enthusiastic attitude. I had the pleasure of dancing with a perfect stranger one time at a conference. He just like to dance and man could he lead! That was great. Never knew his name, never saw him again. Never forgot dancing with him either. Didn't matter that he was drenched in sweat, same height as me, chunky and bald. He made it fun. I'm one of those who loves to dance. Don't know a lot of different dances but love to dance. I've informally taught some of my middle schoolers some moves so they'll have a way to get onto the floor at their first school dance. I always make sure to tell them they're a "natural" and how much fun they'll have if they give it their best shot. I also tell the boys they'll never lack for girlfriends if they know how to dance and enjoy it. My husband and I used to do some swing and rock and roll. I loved it. Miss it. Can't seem to find male dancers out there. Far fewer male dancers than female if my observations are accurate. Shoot, I'd buy them dinner if they knew how to dance more than a sway on the floor and would go dancing with me and just have a really good time. Better than aerobics and with a lot more laughter!!

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

So what is it like to have somebody love you? Posted: 10/21/2007 11:23:41 AM
When someone loves you and you love them back you build a solid foundation together. You can talk about the trivial and mundane or the deeper subjects with an ability to clarify what you mean, pause and frame your thoughts and still be there. You're able to be quiet together. You can communicate with a look or a touch. You're able to exchange a full range of emotion without fear of rejection. You problem solve together. You're more secure in yourself because of their faith in you and yours in them. The mutual belief in one another enriches you both and enables you to see beyond the immediate. You look forward to being together. You operate as a team and support one another. You're partners mentally, emotionally and physically. The flames of passion may burn down to embers due to life situations and it doesn't prevent you from putting their needs ahead of your own when necessary and they do the same. The love is the bedrock, the passion is the flower. How does it feel? Right. Words to define the feeling are so elusive because it's so complex. It's not so much that you make a commitment, which is mental, but more that you find you are committed to each other and work to grow together. It's true that once you've had it you really know what you're missing when it's gone, no matter the reason for the loss. It's worth the search but it can be difficult to hunt for the prize.

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

Why is it so bad to want a relationship? Posted: 10/14/2007 8:00:10 PM
IrishEagle, I just read your post and agree with you completely. Opened your profile and saw that you'd found someone. I just want to congratulate you and wish you the best. I hope you'll grow stronger together and enrich each others lives.

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

Effort, Effort, Effort..this is my question Posted: 10/14/2007 7:30:59 PM
This is interesting to me. I view relationships as a partnership that both are responsible for. Recently I was seeing someone and the emails and phone calls were hot and heavy both ways. He romanced me. I fell for it. Thrill of the chase was gone and it died down. I didn't understand it. He said I was crowding him. We should just be friends. I'm adjusted to that, but really wish I'd understood his expectations earlier rather than later. I've since concluded that I infringed on his regular routine and the spot I was to fill was to be at his behest, not a mutually agreeable thing. He wanted to do the chasing. He wanted a date a weekend. I interfered with his viewing time. I thought at my age that game playing was passe. Wrong. Disappointed but hopefully the lesson has been learned.

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

Is it just me...or is a good voice important? Posted: 10/4/2007 5:00:31 PM
I think a good voice is very important if you're going to talk and expect to listen. That doesn't mean tenor or base, but interesting, changing in inflection, bubbling with laughter, able to tell a joke or croon at the proper moment. A good voice can draw you in, just like expressive eyes or tender hands. If not, why is there a career field in narration or announcing?

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

The Artistic Nude... Posted: 9/15/2007 6:38:11 AM
Artz, Thank you for caring and advising sanity. You're absolutely right. My best friend, who is also an artist, was going to be here too, but when I realized how vulnerable I was making myself I cancelled out. It would be great to set something up with the opportunity to do some actual drawing. I find myself doing it in my head all the time, but those never make it to paper. Not just the full nude, but interesting hands, features or expressions of people in places like school, airports, malls, etc. I'm better about discretion at this point, but have had to apologize and explain why I was staring a few times. Do you ever find yourself doing that? Does anyone else? How do you find someone willing to model for a small group? I have a brother who would be comfortable with it but he lives a thousand miles away and when I do see him the time is totally scheduled so it hasn't really worked so far. There is a reasonable artist community here that could support it if we could find the models.

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 49 (view)

The Artistic Nude... Posted: 9/13/2007 2:34:20 PM
I thought this was about posing nude for an artist, but it seems it's become more a concern about digital access. As an artist, I really appreciate the chance to draw a nude. The only time I cared about the physical attributes of the model was in the 70's when one model we had came with tracks everywhere, including between his toes. It was hard to get past that and his disgusting hygiene. He was emaciated to the point where joints were knobs and musculature was distorted. One of the better models was beefier, but very limber and could hold a pose for a long time. Good positive and negative space and visual contrast. Dynamic positions. That was fun. I modeled for portraiture and figure modeling, but no matter my weight or condition I've only posed nude for my husband. I know better than to be that modest, but just can't get past it. Almost had something set up not too long ago and realized I'd invited a total stranger into my home and stopped it before it progressed further. I like the ideas for just getting a group together and paying a model. Getting pretty rusty.

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 58 (view)

What's better than smoking? Posted: 8/17/2007 3:22:02 PM
Maybe Fistncuffs should change his screen name to Rabbit? I'm with you arewetobeone, except my iced tea hit my lap!!

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 52 (view)

What's better than smoking? Posted: 8/16/2007 11:29:29 AM
trs1958 encouraged me to try the Chantix. I just got my prescription today. Fortunately I have insurance with a co-pay so it wasn't such a hit. It came with a packet and a coupon for 10.00 off. I start tomorrow. It has to be more effective than the over the counter failures I've tried so far. Wish me luck!! Thanks trs!!

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 49 (view)

Men would rather be the first to make contact? Posted: 8/15/2007 1:17:02 PM
I read every post on here. I don't think it matters, but I do most of the contacting. I seldom hear anything in response. I actually read the profiles. After about 10 days I delete them, figuring they're not interested. The very few men who have contacted me are really not compatable. I'm willing to bend, but not remake myself to create a relationship. I don't think they read my profile or they'd know I'm not into sports, not submissive, etc. etc. If I make first contact and it's not in response to a forum, I think there is a possibility that we might hit it off, even if it winds up to be friends rather than romance. Friends are a blessing too. Too many don't even respond with a "No Thanks". It does get rather frustrating. If I make first contact and they respond and we do meet, either it's dutch or I pay because I initiated it. They have the option of initiating something after that if they are interested. It's just a meeting to see if there is potential to go beyond that. I guess that's "shopping" rather than fishing. I don't intend to use anyone just to go to dinner, etc. Sometimes I write to complement the person about their profile. Often it's because I've noticed them in the forums and admire their thinking or viewpoint. I have some men on my favorites because we've become online friends, even though there is no potential for dating between us. I am in touch with a couple of women from the site through email because our rules prevent us from contacting each other here. So, if I'm making contact and so many of you think that's great, am I just picking the wrong guys?

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 60 (view)

Define Art Posted: 8/12/2007 5:52:19 AM
Life of Leisure said he thought Art is whatever you can get away with. Many years ago there was a regional juried show. A man and wife were walking their dog, found a glove that had been well used and chewed by their dog. They framed it and entered it. It was accepted. After the opening they let the news media know it was a joke and a slam on what was being accepted as art. Guess what...they are now both artists and have a regional rep. Just thought you'd appreciate the irony.

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Davenport, And The Quad Cities Posted: 8/11/2007 1:20:17 PM
No, babyk, I don't go every week because I don't like to go alone either and my "usual companions" are now into relationships and I would be the even odder duck in the group. I would be glad to go and meet you there just to give us both some "comfort zone" if you like. You'll laugh, but I have gone to the 5 to 8 PM with my 80 year old second cousin who likes to dance too. He's a little shorter than I am, but so pleasant and willing that I just have a good time. I have seen people there who look like they would like to dance, are waiting for a chance, but make no moves, so it might be up to you to approach someone about dancing. I honestly haven't been there for the later band because my "date" doesn't stay out that late. I also only go when his platonic lady friend is out of town, so that's not nearly as often as I'd like. I've heard a lot of the QC Singles group goes there too, plus there are other places in the QCA that offer dancing. I haven't been to most of them, but am interested in at least seeing them and giving it a shot. Wouldn't it be nice if some of the other POF folks in the area all just started showing up so we could all hang out, be silly, dance and just have fun without so much pressure? Sunday Singles Dance at CASI Center 1035 Kinberly Rd. Dav. Dance every Friday at 8 to 11 PM at the Moline American Legion Rusty Nail, Locust St., Dav., Wed. 6 PM, Fri. 5 to 8 PM and 9 to 1 PM, Sat. live band 9PM to 1AM Jumer's Black Bear Lounge, Fri & Sat nights, 8:30 - 12:30, no cover Rhythm City Casino, Dav. Sundays 11 AM to 2 PM I got these dance sites from the net. What other stuff do you like to do? What age group are you interested in meeting?

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

Talking online vs. real life.... Posted: 8/9/2007 8:01:29 PM
planotodd wrote: So to answer your question, I think both will "screen" partners the same way (or similar) when they meet in person, but girls will prefer to do more screening ahead of time to avoid ending up wasting time with someone that's no good for them. You make some good points. I, for one, would rather meet early so that I have a clear picture of the individual and whether there might be potential. I've not gone out a lot, but I have met a few men. One was very nice and will be a good friend. One misrepresented what he wanted, one misrepresented himself physically and in his occupation. I figure if someone will lie about their needs, looks or profession, they're capable of lying about a lot of other issues. It's a game I don't want to play so meeting them early helps to distinguish that. If, on meeting, I think there is potential, I will continue to stay in touch with them and agree to meet them again. That's rare though. When I wrote my own profile I shared it with those who encouraged me to do this to see if they thought I was being honest and realistic. Did I list all my flaws? No, but I also didn't list all my virtues either. Nobody can do that in so brief a space. When you meet someone face to face it's an opportunity to begin the process of getting to know one another. If I find nothing more than someone to dance with I'd be OK with that, but dating at all is difficult because of expectations on both parties part. I'm more reserved with this than when I know someone better, but I can't know if there is any potential until we've had a face to face conversation. I figure the computer provides an introduction, the meeting proves the potential or lack of it.

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

A Davenport get together sounds good, Need to get it out past here though. Posted: 8/9/2007 6:34:12 PM
Since there are guys and gals on here from the QCA and surrounding area, if something were set up it could be announced on the forum, but individuals searching the area could invite others that are presented to them as a match. If I list guys 48 to 58 I could make a point of notifying them. Those of you in other age groups or looking at other genders could contact others. This could work if everyone cooperates. How about "Somebody, ah say, somebody" (think cartoon rooster) should come up with a place and time. Shoot, bring picnic lunches to a park, someone brings music, cards, board games, dodgeball, etc. and it could just be a party with no pressure, just a good time. You know the groups will drift to their age and interests just by what's presented. I think it costs about 25.00 to reserve a shelter. What do you think? If you like the idea we'd best be moving fast or we'll have to wear parkas to pull it off. Once the ice is broken it would be a lot easier to get folks together at other events/places, etc.

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Davenport, And The Quad Cities Posted: 8/9/2007 6:26:46 PM
I don't know how many people go by themselves. If you want we could meet for mutual moral support, lol. I'm a lot older, so any guys there might think you're with your mother...that could be a drawback. Got any girlfriends that would want to go? Maybe put together a group and get the party started? Younger group is after 8 PM.

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

What drives you to create art? Posted: 8/9/2007 5:07:55 PM
Captain Zig Zag...Drunk Pilot? So, that middle picture on your profile is blowing bubbles for creative inspiration, right? LOL, you're a funny guy. Thanks for the laugh of the day.

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

drawing : mixing materials (?) Posted: 8/8/2007 2:50:40 PM
Sunscreen Angel: I was unable to post and wrote this to Satsumo on the 5th. Satsumo "Should I leave an apple on your desk?" Sorry, so ingrained it's hard to let go of the teacher thing. Appreciate your pointing it out. The thing about impermanent materials comes out of some archive & accessioning work I've had to do and I forget that it's not a priority for everyone. Sent this to you because I'd posted to recently and couldn't post this publicly where it should have been. Taking the wet noodle to heart. Thanks. heARTeacher I don't believe I owe you an apology, but I did Satsumo and did so. Had I been able to post this earlier you probably wouldn't have felt the need to chastise me, but there you go.

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Would you take into account someone's health or other problems before starting a relationship? Posted: 8/8/2007 8:21:45 AM
sprite56 said "t sounds so shallow but yes, I want my life to be easier not bogged down with someone else's problems, so it would put me off. If I was already in love with someone and they got ill that would be different." I have to agree with her. I nursed my husband through 2 1/2 years of cancer and would do it all over again, given the chance. I loved him going into it, we supported each other through many things throughout our marriage and it was part of the package. I've gone out with a man who has health issues and find myself knotted with anxiety. It seems shallow, it makes me feel guilty, but it's awful to think of loving someone and losing them by inches. That loss can be life, independence, mobility, etc. If I would find someone and develop a relationship and they had a health crisis there is no question that I would be there for them. I just can't face a limiting illness at this point in my life, especially in the initial stages of the relationship. My issue, not theirs, but knowing how it knots my stomach up despite any rationalization or mental gymnastics I perform, my instincts scream no. So, I guess this forum just helped me make a decision. Thanks.

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 58 (view)

iq search Posted: 8/4/2007 5:20:04 AM
Hey, humormonger, thanks for the recognition, lol. I believe it might be a combination of pet, ct and mri scans, but (and my recall could be faulty and I'm too lazy to go look it up right now) one of them actually shows the neural firing in the brain. Wish all this had been known when I was a kid....might have tried a little harder on some of the curriculum. It's a great motivator for middle school students though, lol. Gotta love 'em. Since this started out about discerning intelligence in profiles, how do the rest of you do it? Do you give a second look to a profile with attractive photos but lacking capitalization, punctuation, spelling, poor grammar, or do you skip past it knowing all you would ever want to do with them would be to "fix" them? I was communicating with someone on another site who seemed to write very poorly but inserting "da big words" into the text. I finally concluded they were smart enough to use a Thesaurus, lol, and stopped it before I turned into a nun with a ruler and a red pen...

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Davenport, And The Quad Cities Posted: 8/4/2007 5:09:38 AM
yep, every Friday. 5 to 8 pm is couples dancing, later is looser.

heARTeacher

Joined: 6/28/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Artist dating artist experiences Posted: 8/3/2007 9:02:15 PM
You've all given me a lot of "food for thought". It's been a long time since I was in the pool and I spend a great deal of my life communicating with others. I just don't share my interior landscape with all of them. I haven't limited my dating options in terms of occupation or avocation, but have experienced an intimacy of communication with other artists (ie: creative people, different genres) because the "get" it when I have a brain blast. There have been others that the more you try to explain what you saw or thought the less they even want to understand it and sometimes don't even see the point of what you're saying. The ease of communication with my husband enhanced all aspects of our life together. I'm asking if that ease of communication is possible beyond the artist to artist match, if that makes any sense. You're artists or you wouldn't have even looked at this. Have you dated artists and experienced that intuitive communication? Did you find it better or worse? If you choose to date non-artists, are you able to communicate your interior landscape to them? I don't think artists are better than anyone else. I think artists have a different approach to a lot of things and a different perspective. One person might look at an oil spill in a puddle and think "Gross, pollution." and an artist might stand and look at the swirling iridescent colors and find images in them. My knowledge of debits, etc. is pretty limited, so I'm very impressed with frau blucher too. It was funny. Vosche, of course I'm out of my comfort zone by just dating! It's not just limited to a snobbish artist/non-artist conflict.

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