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Spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 1951 (view)

older women younger men Posted: 3/20/2013 11:15:09 PM
This question is best answered with a question. What is the starting age of the male and female when the relationship starts? A 40 year old woman with a 20 year old man (boy) is probably a big mistake. But a 60 year old woman with a 45 or 50 year old man is probably not so odd. Both have reached maturity to some degree. And one doesn't have to always wonder what it would have been like to be the man's baby sitter! I've always liked older women. Except for the first woman I fell in love with. My wife was 12 years older and the only relationship I've had since then was with a woman 9 years older. But those two relationships started later in life.

Spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 43 (view)

is he lying to her Posted: 3/20/2013 11:05:45 PM
Sadly, it's been my experience that when a spouse thinks the other spouse is lying, they usually are. The two options are that the spouse is lying or the original spouse is crazy. The vast majority of the time if you think your significant other is cheating, then he or she is. And it's about 50/50 when it comes to men and women. Women cheat just as much as men do these days. I guess if someone is the type to cheat and is in a relationship that they do not value, then they don't have any problem cheating. Sorry.....but lying goes hand in hand with cheating. Once someone becomes an accomplished liar (or even a stupid liar) they have moved along a path that will lead to cheating. If they haven't already gotten there.

Spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 693 (view)

OVER 50 And Alone....again. Posted: 3/17/2013 4:05:06 PM
It seems difficult for any of us over 50. But people that have been divorced/widowed more than 5-10 years (including women) are kind of into a new set of things to fill their time. But not so deep down inside, I think that if they are the kind to cherish an intimate partnership/relationship with someone they will know it when they see it. Those that don't will never find it and will never respond to your hopes for that. I guess that's OK, especially if we find out quickly so we don't waste a lot of time on them. After 50 we don't exactly have a lot of time to waste on people that are not interested in growing old together. Well, that's what I think, anyway. :-)

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

How to get over your first love? Posted: 8/18/2012 8:33:17 AM
It seems to me that the definition of a "First Love" is the one person you meet, and fall in love with, that changed you. The one that made you think outside yourself for the first time and love another as much as you love yourself, or even more. Having made that definition, then I think back to my First Love and recognize that she is never far from my heart. She married someone else (and divorced recently), but even though I've not seen or spoken to her in nearly a quarter century, she is still my First Love. I doubt she even gives me a second thought, but that's not the issue. She is the one that changed me. I still celebrate her birthday with an ice cream cone in a little private moment every year. I'm not sure you ever really want to "get over" your first love. Life is full of experiences, some of which are more important than others. It's not that you think of your first love regularly, it's the fact that you ever had a "First Love" that is significant. Cherish your memories of the one person that will always be Your First Love and celebrate that experience. It will always be one of your most precious memories. Well, that's what I think anyway! ....

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 75 (view)

What constitutes cheating? Posted: 8/17/2012 7:54:25 PM
Generally speaking, any activity that causes a break in trust. The linchpin of any relationship is trust. When someone lies or makes a physical or emotional connection to a third person, especially without the knowledge of the "spouse", then the relationship is on it's way down. It's interesting to note that when Men Cheat their marriages are not necessarily over. But when Women Cheat, it's only after much deliberation and they have pretty much made their decision and there is no going back. Well, that's what I think anyway.....

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 80 (view)

Is there anything with wanting to see someone everyday? Posted: 8/17/2012 7:12:08 PM
I don't think this is terribly confusing. The reality is that when a relationship matures into a loving boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other kind of relationship, then they do usually want to spend a lot of time together. Usually moving towards the possibility of a permanent monogamous relationship with that person. Then it will be quite normal to see each other every day. My guess is that you made a decision to like someone like a significant other earlier than the other person has. They are not ready for that and might never be if that's not what they want. When two people want to be together they can learn to enjoy and know each other. If someone is just out playing or looking for a quick hookup, they are usually not even considering a meaningful, permanent relationship. It's hard to find someone that likes you in the same way you like them. It's almost always one sided. But when it's good, it's very good. Give yourself some credit and just realize that a beautiful woman like yourself, if patient, will find just exactly what you want. Remember, "...it's a shame to belong to someone else, when the right one comes along..." :-) Well, that's what I think anyway.....

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 113 (view)

Where have the older men gone? Posted: 8/11/2012 8:36:44 PM
I've personally always been attracted to older women for the most part. Not a lot, it's not some kind of Freudian thing, it's more like I'm out of sync with women my own age. The great love of my life was 12 years older. But we were much the same personality, just shifted 12 years. Another women I have felt most connected with is 10 years older. I guess it mostly depends on patience. Don't settle for someone that you are not happy with, regardless of the differences in chronological age. The sad thing here is the odd ducks that insist on creating some kind of fantasy thing that is bound to burn out very quickly. Those little boys and change of life men are often reacting to a fantasy more than any real meaningful hope of a relationship. And obvious fantasies always fizzle. Well, that's what I think anyway....

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 49 (view)

why is it so one sided ? Posted: 8/11/2012 12:06:28 PM
I'm not so sure this is an indication of a relationship being "one sided" so much as misaligned. Sadly, women have a great deal to have to deal with when it comes to meeting myriad men making contact on a website like this, sometimes hundreds of contacts, and somehow be able to weed out the chaff. So to speak. Even having done that, it's sometimes hard to tell, or time consuming to discover the emotional intelligence or maturity of a guy that she is "taking a chance with". So many of our young men have been raised in a way that makes conservative forms of manly behavior almost extinct. When someone is so emotionally immature or perhaps even stunted, they act in the way you described OP. The relationship between the use of his time with his sons and his time with you, and the incident of mistrust because your cell phone died seems like a pretty good indicator that his life is not ready for you. Emotionally, especially. Thank heaven for the opportunity to "date" over a period of time (sometimes a long time!). This fellow may well be a good man, but if his life is not in order now, in such a way that he can integrate you into his life, and him into yours in a way that is mature and meaningful, then perhaps it's just not a good time. Better to find someone that already has his life in order and is ready for you. As the old saying goes, "People Change". And you may not like him quite so much by the time he is ready for you! He may be an entirely different person. Well, that's what I think, anyway.....

Spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

What constitutes cheating? Posted: 8/8/2012 8:19:51 PM
Personally, I think cheating in a relationship begins with emotional or secret relationship with another. People like to draw a line in the sand, but most of the time, by the time that line is crossed the relationship is completely lost. Trust is forever destroyed, a liar is discovered for what he or she really is. By the time a person actually has physical intimacy with someone outside their marriage or relationship, then the real loss of trust and love has already gone to the four winds. Well, that's what I think anyway.

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

Loss of a spouse Posted: 8/7/2012 9:25:08 PM
I've been widowed for 9 + years. What I think I've noticed is that a lot of women are so jealous of other women that many are afraid of widowers. Especially if he was happily married to a woman he loved deeply. Soul mates if you will. So many women a worried about that it seems like they want nothing to do with a widower. Competing with the dead, so to speak. Fortunately, a more mature woman is usually secure enough with herself to recognize that if a man can find the love of his life once, that he will see it again if he is fortunate enough to ever see it again. And that would truly be a great blessing to both. Well, that's what I think anyway.

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 334 (view)

Breast Augmentation over 45 Posted: 7/29/2012 10:25:43 AM
I think that people should be able to do whatever they need or want to do (and can afford) to feel comfortable with themselves. With age we change. If there is something you would like to "adjust" or "fix" then more power to you. It's not really any different than a younger person getting a nose fixed or ears fixed. Or even any different than braces. I had a niece that had a hooked nose, and I remember that when she was old enough to have that "fixed" it changed her entire outlook on life. If making an adjustment makes you happy, then go for it. All I would say is that you research your doctors! There really are better and worse doctors. If the sample photos are not very good, RUN don't walk to the next opinion!

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 47 (view)

LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR Posted: 7/29/2012 10:20:12 AM
Personally, I try to avoid using some Hollywood impression of reality when it comes to my personal life. Hollywood is always fake, they tell nice stories but they are not real. Even the "real" stories are not real. So besides entertainment, I prefer to ignore anything about life that comes from movies. My experience is much more interesting than theirs.

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 60 (view)

Do u dress up or dress down on a first meetup? Posted: 7/29/2012 10:17:12 AM
I just dress the norm for the day. I'm trying to be sensitive to the idea that I'm trying to appear to be something that I am not. So I just try to be me, some people think that's foolish, but I'm concerned about complete honesty in a first meet. Too much artificial can leave a bad impression for later.

Spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 85 (view)

Are religious differences really a deal breaker between soul mates Posted: 7/29/2012 9:45:06 AM
One of the most important aspects to loving someone is being able to accept who they are and what they are. If you love someone then you love them for who they are, and if they have religious feelings then a big part of who they are is probably associated with that religious belief. Respecting each others beliefs, even if they are different, is necessary for a healthy and loving relationship. If someone is not able to do that then it's not a good match. And if it's not a good match then you are not really soul mates, no matter how much you want to be.

Spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

Is dating a widower/widow that scary? Posted: 8/3/2011 12:23:14 PM
My second wife was a widow and she became the first real love of my life. Now I'm a widower and perhaps I am noticing similar issues that you have mentioned above. I guess it depends on the person.

Spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 133 (view)

Is it racism? Posted: 7/5/2011 9:52:13 PM
Everyone likes what they like. Don't let racist propaganda and racist guilt cause you to do something you don't want to do. Well, that's what I think anyway.

Spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

Playing hard to get or uninterested. Posted: 7/5/2011 9:45:23 PM
This happens pretty regularly. Initially, in the first email they appear interested. Then ignore emails from then on. I just delete the emails and move on. It's not worth playing around asking or trying to communicate with someone that doesn't really want to communicate.

Spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Is every woman/men here going through the same thing? Posted: 7/5/2011 9:30:13 PM
Express yourself in any way you want and feel comfortable with. If you happen to meet guys that only seem to want the physical then they are not what you are looking for. There will always be a lot of weird people. It takes time and patience to find what you are specifically looking for and to be what someone else is looking for. Seems to me that you meet someone you like or they meet you and like you, but it's not reciprocated. It's sad but that happens a lot. Eventually you will find someone that likes you for the person you are and you will be glad that you were just yourself in the long run. Well, that's what I think anyway.....

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 384 (view)

Age gap... Posted: 11/5/2010 2:47:04 PM
The great love of my life turned out to be 12 years older than me. Who would have guessed!

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Heading off resentments Posted: 11/5/2010 12:46:25 PM
My guess is that you will find out later after you move on to being alone or with someone else that these are the good ole days. Personally you seem spoiled or so very inexperienced and immature that maybe he would be better off without you. But since you were so non specific I don't really know what is bugging you.

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 1311 (view)

Can men and women be friends without sex? Posted: 11/5/2010 11:33:34 AM
Of course they can, as long as there has never been a "relationship", especially a sexual relationship. Once you go there then it's pretty much "out there". When they break up and move on to other people, there will always be a problem with "being friends".

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 381 (view)

Widow/Widower-Wearing the wedding ring? Posted: 10/22/2010 6:37:14 PM
I've been widowed 7 years. I've just started "trying out" not wearing my wedding ring. It feels weird, it's the only jewelry I wear so I kind of miss it. Especially since I really like the ring. A number of people (women) have told me that it's a real turn off for women, so I'm trying it. But I'm also 54 years old and it feels weird to pretend that I've changed because the ring is off. And the funny finger indentation makes me feel like someone looking at that might think I'm cheating. It's weird, but I'm trying it out. On the other hand, it seems unlikely that I would fall in love with a woman that is concerned about things like that. Well, that's what I think anyway.

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 110 (view)

What do girls mean when they say their last relationship was all about sex? Posted: 3/26/2010 9:37:18 PM
This is pretty easy. It means that she doesn't want to have sex with you. :-) Sorry.........

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 142 (view)

Why do guys look and not even say hello? Posted: 3/25/2010 10:57:38 PM
Well, it's not because you are not a gorgeous woman. That little picture tends to create curiosity, but once a person checks another person's whole profile, perhaps there is something there that just doesn't "click". It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. This whole internet thing is pretty random anyway, and I imagine dozens of people "look" without commenting for every one that does. Don't worry about it. There doesn't appear to be anything "wrong" with you! :-) Well, that's what I think, anyway!

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 107 (view)

Naked Pictures on The Internet? Ok or Not Ok? Posted: 3/25/2010 10:52:41 PM
One of the lessons I've learned in life is, "People Change". When you allow someone that you trust to have revealing photos of you, you are trusting that person to keep a confidence. Sadly, it's not unusual for people to violate that trust and wind up posting those photos, usually without your knowledge until someone you know tells you about it. The thing about the Internet is that whatever you put up is up forever. Even if it gets taken down from one place, someone is bound to have it someplace else. So I guess it depends on how OK a person is with that. And if it violates the trust in your relationship to have posted the pictures. I think for the most part, people will regret having done so eventually. Well, that's what I think anyway.

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 151 (view)

Does oral sex change your opinion of a girl? Posted: 3/21/2010 8:53:04 PM
I've always thought that it was a great indication of affection for a woman to ever give oral sex. IMO it's hard to find a woman that really loves to do it. Can't help but wonder if most women "put up" with a man's desire for it just because she loves him. Personally, I don't want a woman to do anything she doesn't want to do. But I consider it a great blessing if she loves oral sex. Well, that's what I think anyway......

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Do I tell him I hid my profile? Posted: 3/13/2010 2:11:09 PM
Personally, I think if someone is a Significant Other, that it shouldn't be difficult to tell him or her anything you want to tell him or her. There shouldn't be any fear of communicating to someone that is a significant other. Well, that's what I think anyway .... .....

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

How many times do you meet someone before you know you fancy them? Posted: 3/13/2010 1:55:56 PM
For the most part, I think that three dates is plenty long enough to determine if there is a future. And as you said, for the vast majority of meetings, the first contact is enough to be able to tell! :-) Well, that's what I think anyway .....

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Is this considered cheating? Posted: 3/13/2010 1:52:21 PM
Every relationship is made up of lots of elements. One of those elements is Trust. It sounds to me that he doesn't think it's a relationship in the same definition that you think it's a relationship, since Trust is something the he is either willing to break or he is willing to lie about it. It sounds to me like you are not actually in a relationship with this guy that you thought you were in. Well, that's what I think anyway ....

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

when does space turn into break up? Posted: 3/6/2010 2:40:44 PM
Usually when people are talking about "needing their space" .... you are already there, and the other person is just moving you into it gently.....

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 97 (view)

Help with figuring out hubby Posted: 3/6/2010 2:38:41 PM
Thirteen years is a long time to be married these days! And when you think about it, there are only so many things two people can do to and with each other! A lot depends on what you both want. If he is just bored, how can you try to impress new ideas and help him think of new things or places to go and do things that are fun and also intimate. If he is an alchoholic then that's a separate issue, although booze can also mess up things physically. they say that booze gives you the desire and takes away the ability... And I imagine that includes being considerate to the "other half". I guess you can either help find ways to make your intimate life more fun and enjoyable or you can get divorced and find someone else. I suppose you need to weigh the pros and cons and decide which is best for you. It's pretty obvious that he is not going to be able to help much until he is aware of where the "new" boundaries are. Well, that's what I think anyway.....

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 62 (view)

Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to share Posted: 2/28/2010 1:24:55 PM
Every relationship takes energy to experience. Hopefully, you have relationships with people that "add" to your "emotional reserve". When someone is in a relationship with a "taker" then that relationship has to be carefully regulated so that the taker doesn't take so much from you that you cannot be healthy yourself. Like on an airplane, put on your own mask before helping your child put on his mask. If you go down then you both go down. The person that is a "taker" might need help becoming an emotionally healthy person. But unless you are a trained psychologist it's unlikely you will have the training and energy to be able to help that person. Be the loving and caring friend you can be, when you can be, for as long as you feel you can be. But remember that the other relationships in your life also require energy, and don't let this "taker" just eat you up and leave you with nothing. Regulating the relationship is the key.

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 100 (view)

R*pe is ruining my sex life Posted: 2/28/2010 1:21:04 PM
One of the things that seems to work best in this life is to do the things that need to be done before moving on to other things. It sounds to me that what you need to do is work out the issues of these two rapes, and become emotionally and physically well before trying to begin another kind of relationship with some other person. Once you are well and able to resolve those things in your heart and mind, you will be able to move on to a new and healthy relationship with someone that is worthy of your trust and love. Well, that's what I think anyway......

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 106 (view)

Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to? Posted: 2/28/2010 1:17:53 PM
Of course you can. You don't have sex with everyone you love in life. And sadly, as many will attest on this site, you don't love everyone you have sex with. Some people choose to have physical intimate contact with another person for many reasons. Love is only one of the reasons and sometimes it's not even part of it. I've never had sex with one of the two women that I've been head over heals in love with in my life. But the love for both women is the same kind of love that is so rare to find in life. The difficult thing in life is finding someone we love that also loves us in the same way. So often it's one sided, and it takes great patience to not just settle for someone because you think they are the best you can do. Especially when the one you really wanted is just "around the corner."

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 128 (view)

Do women who engage in affairs w/married men deserve an apology? Posted: 2/28/2010 1:13:09 PM
If the woman knows she is with a married man, then what is there for the man to apologize to the "other" woman for? Perhaps the other woman should be apologizing to the wife that she helped make so miserable.

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

Does sex with new overrides previous love? Posted: 2/28/2010 1:02:26 PM
This is primarily true if you don't know what love even is. If replacing one person with another does the trick for you, then you were probably never in love with the last person. Not really. Infatuation maybe, but not real love. You may or may not be in love with the new person. I suppose only the future will tell. Will that person break up with you and will it be possible to "replace" that person. Real love only grows in your life. But it doesn't grow if you don't know what it is. Which in my opinion is the sad reality for many, many people. True love is a life changing event. Once you experience it, you will know it when or if it ever comes to you again.

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 110 (view)

My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says! Posted: 12/2/2009 10:19:46 PM
As I see it, you're lucky Keith! You know this about her before you put too much into the relationship! If it's a problem for her now, it will be a much greater problem to her later on and divorce is VERY Expensive! Good riddance! You will be happier alone than with someone like her anyway! Well, that's what I think anyway!

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 49 (view)

'widowed Men' ... Posted: 12/2/2009 9:38:16 PM
I'm originally divorced. Then some years later met and dated a woman that was a widow of one year. Eventually, she invited me to her home and she had pictures of her deceased husband around the house as one might expect, along with other family photos of her side of the family and of his. Eventually, we married, and once we did, her previous husband's pictures disappeared and were replaced by mine and my family. Now that my wife is gone (cancer, leukemia) I have pictures of her around. She will always be a part of the best years of my life. And I will always love her. I think that with a divorced person, you get to know that the ex-spouse is a pain in the butt, but on the other hand, he is still alive and if they had children will ALWAYS still be around in one way or another, even if you get married. When a spouse is deceased, the spirit of that person will always be a part of the new person that you are now meeting. But everyone we meet in this life has that effect. I think that it's also beneficial that there are different feelings when a spouse is lost to death vs. divorce. The dynamic is different. I suppose that's the great adventure of this life. Dealing with what comes your way and deciding what you are willing to risk? Sometimes the best things in your life will be around a corner that might be a little scary to walk around. Good luck with your choices in your life! The certain thing is that you must make a choice. Well, that's what I think anyway.....

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Can our own emotions, attitudes at a given moment in time causes us to judge a person too hastily? Posted: 11/24/2009 6:13:35 PM
I suppose, when one thinks about it, all we have are our own emotions, attitudes and experiences in life a the moment that we choose to make any decision. That's not necessarily a bad thing. We all have our own special mix of life experience. What we perceive as the good, the bad or the ugly. Sometimes the bad things are just our perception. And at some time in the future we discover that if those "bad" things had not happened, we would not be in the position we are in at the later date that we now perceive as a "good" thing. I suspect that the best we can do is not take things too seriously. Allow ourselves to think about things and reassess decisions we have made in the past to see if they are still valid. I know a fellow that made decisions as a boy nearly 50 years ago. He still has the same feelings about people that he didn't like way back then. And has never even tried to reassess those feelings from the mind of an adult as opposed to the mind of a child. It's very sad really. All that pent up energy being wasted with a dislike that he will not let go of. Well, that's what I think anyway.

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 195 (view)

A question for you serious-minded men... Posted: 10/17/2009 9:08:28 PM
Personally, I've always been attracted with women that are intelligent. My wife had a masters degree. A lot depends on the nature and character of the people in any relationship. So many people have poor character or down right evil natures, it's very difficult to find someone that is even honest, let alone a good match. Sadly. Well, that's what I think anyway......

Spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

What to do when you meet an amazing man that is commitment phobic! Posted: 10/9/2009 11:43:19 PM
My guess is that if he is unable (or unwilling) to make a commitment, then it follows that he is probably not the perfect fellow that you are romantically building up in your mind. You want him to be, but he just isn't and you are not willing to let go of that fantasy. He just "isn't" the one. Sorry......

Spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 169 (view)

What do you think about people who have psychics' readings? Posted: 10/9/2009 11:37:40 PM
Personally, I think that people that do this fall into one or more of three basic categories. 1) People that are suffering significantly at the loss of a loved one. 2) People that are just having fun with the idea. Entertainment. 3) Stupid people. Sometimes people can be looking for stupid entertainment and look to others that tend to be circus roustabout types. In my humble opinion, psychics are crooks that feed on the suffering of others.

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

the man I am dating just lost his son, how can I help? Posted: 8/16/2009 7:20:24 PM
I'm very sorry to hear about his loss. And by extension, your loss. I've buried two of my children and my dear wife. The thing about this is that while it's true that relationships survive this kind of tragedy, they do not necessarily survive unchanged. Guilt is a powerful emotion. He will probably have traces of his sense of guilt the rest of his life. That's something you will both have to understand and live with. Hopefully, he will learn that there are two kinds of guilt. Meaningful guilt, where one realizes they are responsible for something and sincerely accept that responsibility and work to do whatever can be done to restore what was lost. Then there is irrational guilt. Where someone feel guilt for something they are not responsible for. That is probably the most terrible kind of guilt. It gets under the skin and burrows in like a cancer. For this kind of guilt, great patience on your part will be essential. Your friend may eventually need some kind of professional help to get past this misery and be able to live his life, work, support himself and others, etc. Patience on your part is essential if you are interested in staying with this fellow. I guess, what I would want is someone that lets me know that she wants to be with me even though I'm having difficulty. Even if you don't get to spend time with him, let him know you are thinking about him and want to be with him. Your caring for him will do a great deal to help him begin to rebuilt his sense of value. Extreme guilt destroys this sense of value, and when it reaches zero it can have terrible consequences. I hope this helps..........well, it's what I think anyway.........

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 162 (view)

breaking news!!....michael jackson haas died! Posted: 6/27/2009 9:31:42 AM
The thing that comes to mind is...... Gee, the world just got a little safer for little boys everywhere......

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

persian men Posted: 6/27/2009 8:05:12 AM
I suspect this is just a stereotype for men that will lose interest once they achieve their goal. For some men, it's not in the having as much as it's in the Getting. They love the hunt, but once they have their "trophy" they lose interest and go looking for something else. Sadly, it has more to do with a certain type of man than it does with an ethnic group. The key is to remember that someone from another land isn't necessarily any different than someone that you might meet from your own country. Or part of your country. Just because their speech is laced with what you perceive as romantic or exotic sound qualities, doesn't mean they are particularly any better. I can't tell you how much something that "sounded cool" at one time "just bugged me" later. The novelty wears off pretty quickly. Well, that's what I think, anyway.......

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Sex and Candy Posted: 6/27/2009 7:55:09 AM
This reminds me of the 2nd date I had with the woman that became the love of my life. We were walking into a restaurant from a parking area a little ways away and she said, "I don't know why you want to date me, we can't get married?". And my response was, "I just wanted to have dinner with you!"..... It helped put things into perspective. She had been raised with the idea that you don't waste someones time and money by dating them when "logically" there was no future. The reality is that you don't know what the future really has in store. In the end we married and loved each other as best we could. She died 6 years ago now and I'll miss her all my life. But I would not give up a second of those memories for anything. Even knowing how they ended up. Give yourself a chance to have an adventure. Maybe things will work out very differently than you think they will right now. But at least you will have time together that is loving and precious regardless of what the future brings. Thinking about it too much just causes you to waste and not appreciate what you have today. Well, that's what I think, anyway ......

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

Plastic surgery turn off or don't care? Posted: 6/7/2009 8:01:47 PM
The important thing to remember is that a woman's body is her own and it's not unusual for someone to want to "fix" things that they find distracting or embarrassing. A classic example is braces to "fix" someones teeth. Another is the need to "fix" someones nose. I try to always remember the look on my sweet little nieces face after she got her "roman nose" fixed. And the confidence it gave her to finally not have to worry about that any longer. I've also seen what it is like for a woman that has had a mastectomy and the difficulties with her own identity and her desire to get reconstructive surgery. It seems to me that this is an intensely personally decision and someone should be supported, not accused of something. Well, that's what I think, anyway.....

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

registered sex offenders Posted: 6/6/2009 11:33:09 PM
Anyone on a sex offenders registry is not acceptable for PoF or to have any relationship with anyone. The PoF administrator should be notified and the person should be deleted ASAP........ If the person ever resolves the reason they are on the registry and is removed then it's another matter. But as long as they are actively on the registry, they shouldn't be in any kind of relationship. Well, that's what I think anyway...

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

Trying to recreate your first love? Posted: 6/3/2009 8:44:11 PM
Personally, I don't think it's possible or honest to try and re-create a past love. If two people are willing to love each other unconditionally, and respect and care for each other, then maybe those two people will be blessed with "another great love" in their lives. I suppose that's the real hope at our age. That the best years of our lives may have been lived so far, but maybe, there are more "best years" yet to come. Even if it turns out to be with a different spouse than we had the first time around. Hope springs eternal. Trying to be patient and unwilling to be abused by some of the knuckleheads that people meet from time to time, is the way to go. And remember, "....it's a shame to belong to someone else, when the right one comes along." It's a weird song, but it really is the way it is. Be patient, the right one might be just around the corner....... Well, that's what I think anyway.....

spence56

Joined: 6/30/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Oral or Intercourse? Posted: 5/24/2009 10:15:13 AM
If two people are having an intimate and loving relationship, one would suppose that there will always be pros and cons that change over time. If it's a healthy relationship, then the two people would make adjustments as necessary to help each other feel validated and accepted as necessary. On the other hand, if it's just a "user's relationship" then I imagine one or the other would bolt and go looking for what they perceive as "greener pastures". Anyone that has been to a place like a cancer hospital and seen the patients that had "spouses or significant other's" that bolted on them the minute that the big C raised it's ugly head will remember that vision of misery and sadness that those patients were experiencing. That's the whole problem with "casual" relationships. If you don't really care for someone then let them go so they can find someone that does truly care for them. Stop wasting their time. Well, that's what I think anyway.......

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