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Thread: How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 53 (view)

How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags Posted: 11/1/2009 10:03:37 AM
It is not ignoring its called a romance scammer! You did not have what he was wanting to use you for or he wanted money.It depends on what your discussions were on. Yes it was a red flag long before this that you missed.And he sounds very married. Definately attached .

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 157 (view)

COWARD ! - The Ignoring Game Posted: 11/1/2009 8:18:50 AM
The people that do the silent ignoreing game is not worth the air that they breathe and waste our time. I know the feeling. I call these ice soldiers and I will try to get to the bottom of it but I will no longer waste my time with him .I will immediately take a day to think about what he has done and start moving on as I do inform them of my decision because you can bet one that person starts this business they will repeat it as a way to avoid the issue and nothing ever gets resolved.It also is sure warning they are cheating big time its not about space or anything you did.It might even be a control issue.Whatever it is you deserve love and positive attention. Move forward.It really frustrates me and makes me nothing short of furious!I will not tolerate it no matter his reasoning.They become my enemy.I will warn Im bored and if he is so much as a second too slow I will walk away and next time they hear from me I will have moved on.It's the sign of cheating coward and I cannot stand that type.You can bet many are hiding marriages and other relationships including bi and gay relationships.Some are hiding actual races and legal issues .Like perhaps violent felons.Some were actually in your life looking to scam you but find there is nothing they can use you for or actually change their mind.Some simply cannot handle what you are about and jealous.I have recently left a relationship like this and I invested a yr. in it before realising he is just a hopeless,selfish liar and yes a soldier.I have gotten to the point I do not trust any military personell to actually be honest or dependable and I do look immediately for what they are hiding. I can't trust them .It is usually a trust and committment issue and its not your problem. They do give you reason to not trust them or in a lot of cases like them. Many have the bossy attitude and treat you like a soldier oweing them sex and other. Well I'm not their free conveince pit stop if you will.They use you to get back to states or get out of duty and yes romance scammers. I do know not all soldiers /men are like that. I do look at individuals but even sooner than ever now.Be very careful.No one is perfect.And I am not into perfect or trying to change myself or him . It is a waste of time and heart.And please remember if you have children they are affected by this person too.Protect all of you.I suggest you learn from the first display of coldness and move on.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 204 (view)

Vagina Size Posted: 7/21/2009 4:35:04 PM
If the plumbing dont fit you have the wrong mate.No way either of you are going to be happy . Go your own way!I was never happy with my second husband but I stayed faithful 18 miserable worthless years.Nothing he did showed love or appreciation. Move on!Its not worth wasting your time.The nest is what it is.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

friends with Benifits growing into more ? Posted: 6/17/2009 5:58:57 PM
He wants to put some claim . After 8 years this way of thinking is rediculous . Break off or move forward.I think by now you know each other well enough to date or say live together legally ! Come on you know what to do . Ask him. Communicate.This is an assumed relationship.This should have happened right from the start. Define where you are in this situation and what you are to that person .Be sure you get updates by 6 weeks. In fact within a few weeks you should redefine. If you see change ion pattern it means feelings are changing.Go talk to them.You should be happy he cares.You need to tell him what your boundaries are and how you want things.Stop avoiding and start focusing.Stop assuming and start clarifying.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

Walking away verses closure Posted: 6/17/2009 5:43:46 PM
Depending on the situation . The person is owed the courteousy of complete answers to why ,what ,when and maybe where. Just answer them and move on. In case of selectively avoiding date or stepping up the relationship or just plain moving on with out telling the person then that is a problem and answers are owed.In stead of avoiding telling the person you only want benefits not relationship or look I want somebody else or I'm shipping out they just leave that is simply wrong. Face the person then move on . Don't be a coward. Funny how so many of the ones doing that is in uniform. No wonder they come home to find partner moved on.Selective failure to communicate properly and think its ok to cheat .If you did not make it clear it is still cheating!Yes an explanation is owed then walk away. But you know what it is fun to torture the crap out of them when they know they have been busted! You deserve the right to some few minutes of interrogating. Then have the good sense to tell them off and stay the heck out of their presence. Leave them alone .Users deserve to know you have the last word.They always want to be friends and sorry but never are.Forgive me they say. LOL! Simply detach before you play! If not the other person deserves answers and shouldnt have to beg for them.Folks that is signs of a coward and cheater if they cant face you. You dont need that person in your life.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 633 (view)

Are there ANY women who don't CHEAT? Posted: 1/7/2009 2:28:37 PM
Yes I am and there really are some . But I have the same problem with men and if I find one that dont he is mean and abusive and controling and hates children or cant father. Well I have 4 and would not mind more but not with just any guy. I dont need a sperm donor.I have that covered .BUt I also find the other issue of manhood an issue he's either micro world or thinks he is such a stud and he is not or crazy weirdo that is so messed up you have to wonder what Steven King novel he came out of!I am not a one what was that lady either so if he is about just him no thank you.I wont just hop into the sack with just anything I really am not about sex but love making and that takes time and chemistry.Read those profiles.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

I enjoyed my visit with my GF.. yet why do I feel down? Posted: 12/31/2008 2:24:00 AM
I think you are in love with the idea of love not her.She forced you to better yourself and now you see more to life than her. You are gaining independance as well and will want more space . Thirdly I hear you debating her real love and dedication and loyalty to you. Fourth it sounds like it will take more time and chemistry to blossom together. Relationships take two people working on it .But last I truely believe you are afraid of the unknown which is your own insecurites. Probably ,You have not met the right lady.If you had you wouldnt be this uncertain or afraid. Talk to her and truely hear it from her where you two are as a couple and as friends. Then do some soul searching and figure out what you really want and stop procrastinating!Happy New Year and GOOD LUCK!

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Abortion without telling... Posted: 12/31/2008 2:10:34 AM
She is just scared of the unknown and probably more embarassed. but any experienced man knows in the funniest ways sometimes the lady is pregnant and even in denial that it was not possible but honey trust me he will know. Her body wont lie and the hormones wont allow it. Judging about now shes pretty ill feeling. Her moods are starting to change faster than she can fill her mouth with weird cravings she never liked before. Honey some might be able to lie a while but men just know.Especially if he has been family ready a whiler and knows her calendar cycles. He may have planned something with out telling her. My last baby I swear that next mourning he told me I was gonna be pregnant and I was in so much denial three weeks later by 5 weeks I was confirmed and very sick.It only takes one time and it dont have to be swimming in a huge pool of genetic material.She may as well face it .Single days are over.life as she knows it has forever changed and if she does abort it will cause emotional hell all her life.Have the baby. Even if she dont want to keep it.Even if she keeps it and just leaves the town the state whatever just keep the pregnancy.Keep a close check on her but you cant really stop her its her body.Until baby is alive dad cant do anything.Tell her most babys are really planned as most claim babys just happens! You cant be prepared enough.you just wing it and pray for the best . Get her to talk to the father if at all possible.It diesnt mean she has to marry him but if he is worth a damned he will want to .Good luck to all of you.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Curiosity Kills the Cat... Posted: 12/23/2008 9:53:39 PM
I sure have but I have also made the huge mistake of not telling them soon that I found them far too boring or certain things just was too much for me to continue to tolerate and I thought remaining friends was best or in a couple cases I had to cut all contact.Sometimes you just need a little time to evaluate the situation.I like to give at least three dates and a few weeks to decide if I really do or dont like him and can I deal with what I dont like. Reason being I am not into wasting time trying to change anyone let alone a man or trick myself into believing his lies how he has changing his ways to maske me happy. LOL I never believe them and later realise I am just in love with a liar or the idea of. No thank you . I know I am who I am and how miserable it is if you try to pretend just to make him happy! I spent 18 years do it. Best thing I ever did was get my divorce. Life sure has not been great but at least half way peaceful and pleasant.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 117 (view)

If you had the perfect partner how often would you want sex? Posted: 12/23/2008 9:32:25 PM
More than twice a day given that he was the ideal partner.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

Why do women say they seek Long Term Relationship Posted: 12/23/2008 9:26:39 PM
They need that special man in their lives and are not any different in the need than men. Men do so can women. Women do not have to limit their friendships just because of sex .Men dont!Those who say it are serious and tired of games.I certainly am.They dont want me seeing others then they best be taking care of in everyway and made claim but it dont mean I wont talk to men just like men have women friends honey it is a two way street.I believe one man said to me he may be attached not blind or dead. Neither am I!Am human and not giving up my platonic friends men or women. That dont mean I cheat. If committed I remain that way until he really screws up!Once done though I am done.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 311 (view)

HE BLOWS HIS LOAD IN MY MOUTH WITH NO ORGASM ALERT! Posted: 11/30/2008 5:59:52 PM
If he does that I dump him!No if maybe or but . He is completely disrespectful or appreciative.No care except for self. I think if that ever happened again I'd piss in a cup and give him a big enjoyable drink before leaving immediately.I cut off all contacts with guys like that.Besides to get that from me he's got to be special and if he does something like that I lose all respect or care for him so its pointless to stay I am done with him!He is simply a poor excuse of human genetic trash.Most women know what is happening but its the respect and care that counts and if he is doing that he is clearly showing you what he thinks of you.why would you stick around for more disrespect?He was probably celebrating fact he gets what he wants and used you .Personally ,I have better place for that and if he can't do that he is useless to me.It is not about just responcibility on either persons part both of you are responcible and should be both getting the enjoyment. Don't play in the sandbox if he or you can't respect the other later.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 302 (view)

Is It Cheating If Its Only Online???? Posted: 11/26/2008 10:18:08 PM
Cheating is just that.Either you are single and available or you are unavailable and cheating!If committed then you wait or you get with that significant other.Stop wasting precious time on the computer or phone or in person.Once it comes to those type conversations it is cheating and the person will get caught sooner or later and probably get dumped for someone worth while and monogomous.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 120 (view)

What to Think... The Ex has a sleepover boyfriend Posted: 11/26/2008 9:49:48 PM
As hard as it maybe it is two seperate lives now and like you she has a new partner and a new home if she so chooses a sleepover boyfriend and they live with her and he is not there alone with them get over it!If the men have girlfriends sleeping over all the time why not the mother have the same right. Although I am very particular I must admit many are not.If as a parent and it is a visitation time I think the time should be spent with the children only and perhaps you two could agree that the children not be exposed to girlfriend or boyfriend slumber parties so soon.Just have them over when the other parent has them over nights and weekends or if going on family outtings that are appropriate for the children to come along. Jealousy will have to go she is no longer yours only. Someone called the relationship quits!Move on .If not divorced get one!

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

Shes only 11!! Posted: 10/21/2008 9:47:39 PM
U can sypothise. It is more about the parents not listening with their all and accepting themselves nor them children. the girl simply mimiced mom. Noone listened to her silently screaming for help , noone taught her self esteem and love of who she is or her body,nobody cared to hear her or teach her proper nutrition. And obviously nobody took time to listen to the child.It is not all mommys fault. Why is daddy just flapping his jaws and making light instead of seeing what it was doing to his daughter emotionally and physically and getting her help!Why did the child's teachers not pick up on it? JUst where were here school councelors? having coffee or playing checkers?I know how the child felt only I was naturally getting sicker by the day and could not stop it.I went from naturally being thin to at motherhood stressed out finding all along I had a thyroid issue and then gaining an incredible amount of weight. Stress is one of the deadliest things in existence.Children get stressed out too! Listen to the children people watch them.Hear them and reach out to them with unconditional love. Help each other understand.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 178 (view)

What do women think when a guy comes too quickly? Posted: 10/21/2008 10:15:12 AM
HAhA well I think not all men get the idea not all women like the 1 minute man and oral is only a thinking about getting started.It just does not satify completely all women . We come in different sizes and shapes and drives just like if you go enjoy a test drive vehicle. You look for quality and quantity! We want it ALL!For me I would probably never see you more than twice because I would see you as boring and a user.I might think ok he is seeing others if its not the norm of time or quality. Or I might think too short he cant deal with me and its his norm or well it has been a super long time and he really just wanted sex not love making so in comes the idea of user!I listen for weather he refers to it as sex or love making and how he goes about suduction has a lot to do with what I think.I also look at his life style and ethnic cultures or religions and medical history.And for me there simply must be chemistry between us or its useless. Not just any man will do.Especially if all one can think is ok just get this over and get out of here eww big mistake. Or where is it? Or What is it? Never know what I am thinking. Just ask!Don't neglect.Don't procrastinate.The lady maybe be bored and get the idea to split for better sundae!Hope this enlights you a bit. Maybe evaluate who you choose better .

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Would you consider someone a bad parent who spends their CS payments on their partner? Posted: 9/30/2008 4:51:46 PM
Some are just stupid!But in my opion she is crazy!Darned if some crappy man is that important that they get my children's money! If anything he gets a package deal. He spends on us!I don't ask no money from him and they dont offer chances are he couldn't give a ratts butt about you more than sex and if he is asking for money a sponger! Never give out funds that you don't have extra and never give out money that is child support! There is a reason for child support and it is for the children!Not some sperm donor! Get every penny you loan out in writing ,when it will be paid back and be sure its notorized.I want the childrens' dad to know they get cared for but I also would like him to realise that is not the same as him giving them a gift.Too manyconcider that the gift and the support. Depending on each situation how that gets spent for child care or medical. Just remember in the case of disabled children it takes a lot more to get child care and certainly need the parents more . That care taker just will not give the same care or in most cases as qualified or even care. Only about getting that purse!cars and such gets those children the care they need and the places that they need to go safely but it better be the vehicle mom uses not a boyfriend or girlfriend.Utilities is a part of the kids care and entertainment so get off that! If they say its a gift to you get it in writing!Take it and be happy.But if you know its from child support don't take it.Yes I call it bad parenting!You can bet I won't be giving any of my children's support out!We suffer enough trying to get any extracted from their father!And you can bet most do.My children come first always!Some people are just clueless and don't think first!In my case I give all I have to my children.I do what is best for everybody involved when it comes to their care and health and mine. In fact I talk over with them what and how much most times. We have a family democracy and no outsider is ever gonna be allowed to use their money.Call it protective if you want but I am just like that so if you don't like it too bad. I would rather be peaceful and alone than ever allow my children to need or even want due to outsiders!

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

a listener , has this ever happened? Posted: 9/30/2008 4:24:55 PM
Has happened to me! I really don't like privacy invasion but I have heard neighbors and roomies but it used to bother me when they heard my rondeaveaus. Then I thought it funny later . Just no getting into my cookie jar!I play that's my business not anybody elses.So me,roomy and mate would discuss the matter of boundaries and respect!I think you might concider going elsewhere or be sure she will not be around.That is worse than the kids walking in!Either way it dont bother me. Something for your mate to brag about!Give her an earful!I could give other ideas but it might offend but if you knew might end the ease dropping.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 96 (view)

Should new g/f disapline kids? Posted: 9/29/2008 6:03:46 PM
Girlfriend is not the parent and I would not put up with that crap!He wants to visit fine but the outsider has got to go!And heck no you don't tease or laugh at my children being disciplined. Hon we would be in court .It better be the parent doing it other wise it is unsolicited child care and not welcome. He could see them under supervision if that continued. It is obvious he has poor judgement and no concern for the welfair of the children and allows her to run him and the children. I would make it plain he was responcible and she was not to near.If they visit then he needs to give them his full attention not entertaining his friends of any gender!Make them first or get to stepping!He has plenty of time for her when not responcible for his offsprings.And same with your men friends.What's good for the gander is good for the goose.Focus on your children. I do!

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

BEBE KIDS (BAD CHILDREN) Posted: 9/29/2008 5:47:55 PM
Honey , I know what I would do. That is called neglect.The woman needs parenting skills and those children needs parents that love and respect themselves and others. Which obviously has not been taught.Those children need to meet positive discipline and love.Noway those parents deserve them.But remember there may be mental and medical issues behind the kids behaviour.Get them some help if the parent won't!You have every right to be furious!

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 590 (view)

Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits? Posted: 9/29/2008 5:37:08 PM
Because they just want to use and run. No responcibility or dependability and certainly not gonna put any effort into even trying. Then there's the fact to selfish and cheap. Just looking for a sponge and free whore. Not even a friend. So nope if that is your number keep on trucking. NO users here!I am no man's convience and not giving it out for fun. There has to be chemistry and effort. Many are just looking to cheat on mate. Many I found out to be married. So he can be on his merry married skid to safety!Be ware.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 132 (view)

Would you nurse your cheating partner? Posted: 9/23/2008 8:54:05 AM
Frankly,he does not deserve her time of day. Id concider this a god sent eye opener and take my baby,divorce him and disappear.Let this gf deal withhim. I bet you she won't want any part of him now.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

How to deal with children's behaviour issues at school??? Posted: 9/23/2008 8:43:53 AM
Dear get that child to a doctor ,get him evaluated both mentally and physically. Besure you get several opions and you deal with the fact he may have ADD or ADHD and truely need medication. Be open minded but dont take just anything. Forget ridilyn! get Concerta or Focalin XR and go from there if you must. Get him on a behaviour plan at home , at school ,at day care , at grand parents. I mean everywhere !Do positive behaviour rewards . Never promise something you cannot do negative or positive.You need routines. It is possible that he needs therapy as well as family therapy involvement.Listen ,concider , use your common sense and react!Tomarro is too late. Do the child and self a favor get all things checked it could be simple as ADHD or depression or just plain oppposition behaviour or it might be early recognition of permanent disabilities like Autism or bipolar.It may well be not the child but the instructor. Have you taken the time to go check it out. Get off your rump and go unannounced. Do some volunteering. Talk with his buddies and the other students parents if possible.Talk with the school councelor. Get the district involved to get evals complete before his and every student in that class is affected or worse police involved. Make the sure you are concidering if you used recreational drugs or alcohol during or even after pregnancy or before preconception and concider your life style now.Did you ask the child why?Make the give reasons then get them to write down and concider what could have been a solution and think through what he will do next time. If need get a written apology as well as a verbal and not only give a consequence follow through!Get the child to sign a behaviour contract . This will give the little one visualpromise. Explain it to him. Make sure the rules are reasonable not only on your level but his.Make sure the consequenses are reasonable.Always look at each incident as a new incident and open mind.If you don't understand or too angry take a few minutes then deal. often parents need some time to regroup. Sometimes it is a matter of parenting skills. In that case it is easy to solve.Get some training. Go view the 123 magic program . Learn the STAR program!Be sure everybody is getting the proper amount of nutrition, rest and me time as well as parenting one on one time.If you need more get in touch with me. I have a total full platter but dealing with children's behavior issues I have tons of personal experience. Not much surprises me any more. I have two boys with disabilities and aDHD is a big part of our lives. As well as having two girls very normal and had the need for attention too in very different ways. All four very different yet very rewarding.Parenting is never easy and plainly not a text book career to prep for. Parent with compassion and common sense .Children are as individual as those finger prints respect that. You always need to remember you demand respect but are you respecting the child and modeling love and respect in order so it can be recieved. Which makes discipline and love a lot easier.Good luck and god bless.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

was i wrong in NOT saying before a minor trip that there would still be no sex? Posted: 9/23/2008 7:33:28 AM
You were doing yourself the best favor. Sex should never be a required choice on the menu regardless of choice of events or price. If he is too cheap to pay for the date don't invite.It was to be about your company and friendship. The only issue I have here is why did you bother to continue to go out with him? Why already found and vividly viewed his total aura of true colors. Girl ,that is called a Red Flag!Clue to run!Clue to a user and possible abuser if not careful.He was already giving you that guilt trip and control issue. In a way mental abuse.That date was screaming loser!No means no. Give time no might become maybe.It takes chemistry and time.As far as I'd be concerned it very well could have became a date rape and he would have gotten away with it 95 percent of the time!Be careful to clarify before you even bother dating.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 447 (view)

ETHNIC ATTRACTION... Posted: 9/23/2008 7:14:06 AM
I have dated several different races but I found some just are not my attraction. Personal preferences just like shopping for your shoes or clothes or food or yes, that new toy/book if you don't like it you just don't like it I do not care how many times you view it or try it on.Meaning if bought you still hate it ,you're not gonna wear it or enjoy it so why waste not only your time but mine. Nope ! Not happening here.It is a matter of honesty and common sense . If one choose be friends just not the dating kind or the benefit kind.Yo GOD made us have preferrences. If we all have the same this world would be boring!Heck biracial marriages do work but honey you can bet no matter what you think it is the constant brutal judgement of everywhere you do and everything you do like it or not. lIfe is never easy and even if you return to your ethnic people never see you in the same light again. I know I live that life.If that exclusive stick to ethnic is you nice enjoy and if you like a different international flavor every breath that's you as for me I'll deal with my own personal choices and choose my own flavors.Individuality and the heart is by far the best choice.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 264 (view)

How many people have actually went on a date using this site? Posted: 9/23/2008 6:56:13 AM
I have been out many times with several different possible mates and even have been exclusive. Actually found some real nice guys but also found out why they had exes! Some real poor excuses of humans, a few not so bad just not my cup of tea shall we say. Those I prefer to leave as friends.And even found a fiance'later saw the true colors and decided I could live like that and thanked God that I saw it ahead of time and got out.Some I actually like and would concider a more serious relationship that have not gone that way so far.A few I can clearly say really need to taken out back to shed and dealt with then introduced the boot if not all the way to the dumpster. Yes pure forgotten garbage!I take some risk but not stupid So what I say is judge for self if ever uncomfortable quickly make the next exit and keep it that way!So far too many are just looking for free sponges and sex. Too cheap to pay for the service.I won't just sleep with any guy for fun. Chemistry required and I don't mean class 101!I am not a buy me gal but I do require attention ,respect , quality time,and actual courtship and this means dating.Not always has to be a 9 star restrurant and the trimmings but he takes me out or brings the fun to me.It is about friendship and communication as well as locating that mate one can trust when in sight as well as away.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 99 (view)

is it rape if... Posted: 9/3/2008 6:06:00 PM
It is simple . It is absolutely date rape. If that begins simply do not take any drinks leave immediately if you catch it in time.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 54 (view)

12 year old that hates her father Posted: 9/3/2008 5:59:24 PM
Dear I totally identify with your situation.My children and I went through a lot of violence and neglect. My children at best said to me they love me and respect me but please dont make us see that bleep bleep bleep. We hate him and have in no uncertain terms let him know it at times when and if he shows up. I beg them into visiting with my presence but they never ask or be concerned because he shows no interest when away and complains if he has to give by court order any funds. No calls or cards or emails unless we iniate. Till recently.Now if he shows up he has gf and brags.I tried therapy singularfor each child and me then as a family but their mind never changes and I do not blame them but I do encourage them to try to develope a healthy relationship with him and know him although they know the past.And in the presence I ask they try to get along and be kind but if not remove self from the situation. I allow them to have the freedom to express their opions and feeling and make choices freely. Children are are capable of deciding for self if they want parent or anyone for that matter in their lives. They do understand what happened in their terms. I would ask her what she thought about visits and issues and respect her thoughts .Do your best to help her through her issues and love her.Therapy and a great mentor will help. Parents like children cannot be replaced.It just may be her age too. Adolescentance starts setting in and rebelling may be a part of it. It is a very emotional time and a time when she really kicks in her own personality and attitudes. If he is that distant it might be a huge blessing in disguise.You can contact me on yahoo if u like.Good luck and God Bless.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Living together after the breakup Posted: 8/12/2008 5:03:43 PM
You are still together with no paper trail.Nobody in their right mind would trust that! The possibility of cheating is ear too great.But if u were together as a couple but divorced now it is nobody's busines but your own.I lived in that situation a year in the living room before moving and it was far too awkard but till I moved out we called ourselves married.Then seperated. All along he had cheated so what was the difference.I was told to get a boyfriend although he still wanted sex from me.I just got to the point I could not stand the idea of sleeping with him let alone being in same room.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 73 (view)

short women/tall men Posted: 8/12/2008 4:09:15 PM
5 feet even and dated lots of guys over 6 feet. Some love it. Others have an issue with it.Same height or average does not mean better sex necessarily and whats loks when it comes to being treated well.Ive had close to same height and I can tell you to me taller than me better situation but can hinder some positions and fun.Yes people will stare big deal!Give them to eyes full to stare at!The awkard thing to me was the short man.I love for my head to hit him about chest level.Ideally about shoulder height.I know some guys wont date women over 5.6 or 5.8 and some women that are really tall and if the guy is not 6ft wont date him and lots of short women date only tall men.To each their own preferences.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

He spanked me & choked me...is he a perv? Posted: 8/12/2008 3:53:32 PM
If u dont like something say no then.As far the chocking one day it wont be so nice . He is giving you a warning.You just might plan on getting the out of this relationship. He is going to get carried away and hurt you. May already hurt others and very possible he is into S&M bondage. To me very sick!Others like it.A flirty spank sometimes nice but it does not sound welcomed by you. If it ever happened again I would certainly end relationship! Up to you how much you put up with but Id concider it violent and possibly date rape. It is up to you to say NO!If you are bringing it up on here I say you are afraid or at least uncomfortable witth him.Sounds to me you need to tell him and be very firm.Good Luck.If me he would be history sex and pain is not fun. sex with fear not fun.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 49 (view)

Keeping ya socks on during sex... Posted: 8/11/2008 10:52:25 PM
An x fiance' was like that and I found it discusting!Terrible habit . Hiding something and if not why so much irritation over feet. Hiding something I tell you. I dont buy the my mom always put socks on my feet to go to bed. How unromantic can he be?EWW!U can bet if hes doing that hes got more to hide and for sure Romeo left off romantic on list of characteristics when he came through the line. So not for me. I can can live with sl;eeping in his hat or boots better.LOL! Time to fish.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 216 (view)

just wanted to get some opinions on a man hitting a women when.... Posted: 8/10/2008 7:39:13 PM
He had reasonble need to defend but on same token depending his force and size of both . Men can walk away and even known to call cops having her locked up! But that extra threat is not called for and makes one believe he has a habit of hitting females.Why was she so upset? He had to have done something for her to be that angry! He is certainly not innocent!In this case both could have gone to jail especially if marks were left. In both cases there should be no relatioship between them. It will repeat that explosive very violent episode. I think both needs anger management and get some relationship help.I hear red flags all over this. i can just visualise what happened.Nightmares I never wanna relive or remember or experience again.I can understand both sides. Both could very easily make accidentally marks. lives changed forever. Think before you do or say . Walk away come back and talk after u cool down and compromise if you cannot agree or call it splits.And go your sepereate ways.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 772 (view)

Women's Choice=no support from fathers??? Posted: 8/10/2008 7:12:12 PM
In case of sperm bank well Mommy wanted to be Mommy Mom paid for donation and if by some chance donor is known and so wants to take time with his child great and even better if by some miracle wants to financially help. But should in noway be responcible financially unless by choice. Just like some women donate eggs too help others create there own children to love should never be held responcible. They should be appreciating that precious gift.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 770 (view)

Women's Choice=no support from fathers??? Posted: 8/10/2008 6:58:54 PM
That man helped make the child .He needs to be resp[oncible and dependable at least financially!And If the mom chooses not to recieve it that should be her choice too !Many times it is his unfair choice and control to force the mom to have to sleep with him or he cheats or he just basically date rapes her. She says no it is bad idea or relying on birthcontrol dont work.Or maybe just passion in the moment you dont think of calendar. No biological clock is gonna be for sure same every time.He enjoyed !He played! He must be financially and hopefully responcible emotionally just like mama!It takes two to create that master piece.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Being single sucks Posted: 8/7/2008 8:58:00 AM
I know that feeling all too well. You just want them to go away because the old memories are resurfaced and hurts. It is like pouring gasoline in an old wound lancing it and casting fire on it! Complete night mare . You need to find new not old . Start blocking the text and emails. Change your numbers and if possible move. Sometimes they are so sick they hack your email and go through your mail or garbage.They internet stalk you as well as in person. Happening to me I totally understand.You just need to heal and they are getting their thrill by upsetting you. If you have proof and know for sure and you are possitively sure you do not welcome the contact it is time to inform the intruder to leave you alone and do not contact u again . If they don't stop go the protective order route.Do some serious soul searching figure out if you can deal with the contacts without getting upset or having health issues.If you cannot you defintely either need to get together or totally cut the contacts and move forward.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 118 (view)

Married vs Seperated???? Posted: 8/7/2008 8:39:51 AM
Seperated is just a way to make the cheater feel good. Cheating is cheating and seperated is a way of saying excused sex with multiple sample platter!These days I want the completely unattached not just seperated or divorced or single because to the guy it is no paperwork to be done only. Too many are in a committed relationship and cheat.The mention of seperated RUN!The just want to use or test to see if others still attracted to them.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

Tips for girlfriend on new experience-Any advice/pointers? Posted: 8/7/2008 8:18:29 AM
Personnally,speaking I have a better place for it and I will not waste my time with him! It does absolutely nothing but discust and make me mad. Does me no good but might do the next man interest I find a favor!LOL! For sure he will know I won't look back.To me it is degrading.It is kinda like saying hey let me use you for my sewage!There are a lot things to do besides entertaining a half turn grown teen wish he was again man.Real men know keep the lady purring life is a lot happier!

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 62 (view)

Online Dating Etiquette -- It would be rude to ask face to face Posted: 8/4/2008 3:26:55 PM
Be thankful you found out early. It is like those drag racing flags WAVING YOU DOWN!I have also met several like that and frankly I wanted to run like a wild mustang minutes into dating these guys. It was simply attrocious! I could not wait to get back home. I became very aware of his controling and possible violent behaviours if I even tried to be myself with in the first 90 minutes !Listen to their body language you might just save more than time.If it gets too far out of line or aggressive you can count on me sending an SOS get me out of here call or signal to a friend or loved one. Thank God for cell phones!Trackable too!Been there done that.Had to help a few friends and havehad to get a few to help me several times.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 112 (view)

Does sex get better after you hit 40? Posted: 8/4/2008 3:01:07 PM
Absolutely!I get tired of the weird guys trying to figure out if they are gay on me! If they have strange notions let me clue them in God gave us opening for that and it was not my hello! I truely do know what I like and what I don't and if he thinks it feels good try helping him out a bit with a foot up his sick self !Or better ram something up his while using that foot to help the weido out the or through nearest exist. By the way at 40 you know chemistry is so worth the wait and more patient .Sex persay is not worth crap if you dont have the attraction emotionally as well as physical and everything fit right. For some ladies they have medical issues with that menopausal phase coming or there. For me I am just as much or more than in my late 20s or 30s!Now this does not rule out possibilities of pregnancies so don't go thinking ok 40 no worries and come up with change of life babe at like 48 or 50!It does happen. Thought my family was grown and starting over with 2.3 in college! Well I have several friends in that boat where as I had my 3 younger children in my 30s.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 203 (view)

Monogomy is it important anymore? Posted: 8/4/2008 2:00:48 PM
Absolutely important and most these days are so into self and being selfish they only care if they are getting the material life and the sex because they like not because of the need for love .It seems men get extremely controling and think everybody has to do what they like only including the sexual preferences they choose . It no longer is a woman's choice to say no and it be ok from what I found. But if they want to keep me or in fact get anything from it will be on the chemistry by both and anything I do not want to do better be no and ok with that fact and better not be shopping around or I will dump him on first indication he is a player or shopper or control freak in or out of bedroom.Many are into both sexes or trying to force their sexual preferrances on the mate. Basically resulting in date rapes and getting away with it!If they insist on going where GOD did not intend he may as well got join his own gender and stay with . No need to look here!Simply my opion and they have theirs.Even then it should be just monogomous. No need for greed!Thus responcibility is another reason they cheat! They can't handle responcibility or dependability or for that matter working together in a relationship . Oh yes way too selfish. Can't compromise. Pittiful I know.There are a few that will though.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 943 (view)

Is it okay for a woman to hit a man? Posted: 7/23/2008 9:05:53 PM
TRy doing that while he is beating the life out of you just because he feels like it or date raping you!It don't work!Domestic Violence survivor.It comes down to fighting or be killed many times and then have the cops turn and say u asked for it or turn on you.Or in some cases youd rather avoid the embarasment and do the best you can.IT is not fun to admit some guy is abusing you .

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 942 (view)

Is it okay for a woman to hit a man? Posted: 7/23/2008 8:55:11 PM
Only to protect self.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 317 (view)

Very long hair on a woman is very femine and sexy, but few women have long hair Posted: 7/23/2008 8:53:33 PM
Personally I hate short hair !That is for me. Long hair is what I like for me but most women have some dumb freak idea its cuter and easier to style. But In my opion it takes away from being female and so not for me.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 63 (view)

Would You Feel Violated If Posted: 7/23/2008 8:49:46 PM
It depends on situation. But these days nothing surprises me just dont feel too safe around them . I have gotten use to these sick people and try to avoid them if at all possible. But if I do manage to feel safe I joke about it.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 158 (view)

Traditional vs. Emergent Dating Etiquette and Beliefs. Posted: 7/10/2008 4:16:17 PM
I think it depends on their personal beliefs and what they are comfortable with.They may act different in the beginning later as they get use to you act different. Be aware of any changes and talk with them if you are concerned.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

Back to Monogamy? Posted: 7/10/2008 4:05:38 PM
I think it depends on the person.many never claim it but cheat constantly anyway.I dont know what more discusting. Personally ,I am for monogomy only.I think I would have a real problem trusting that person.In fact I know I would.By the ways you better durn well find out their meaning of friendsand sex or love making.I learned you better do that anyway because many just do not care how they use you.they have care in the world except sex anywhere they can get it without going to the bank or jail.I don't any part of this thing they like to call friends with benefits.Just another way to use for free sexual favors.If you want a real mate and be dependable and responcible then you best clarify first.These days you better find out not only if they are married but attached in any way single,married,seperated or divorced.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

A message for those with broken hearts..... Posted: 7/5/2008 11:09:33 AM
When you truely love then stumble on the truth and leave even 20 something years later you still hurt and it can be devasting to the life you have at present.It's like being haunted by your past love.Sure you find someone a while and them wham one day you wake up upset or something they do reminds you and wham the turmoil is back and all you want is someone or something to fix that hurt so you can move forward.I for one am still hurt by the reminders he left me every time I go to sleep.To this day I get up and check on my children and doors and windows sometimes still cant sleep unless sitting up and usually not in my room or reminded every time a bill shows up because he refused to take care of his responcibilities and if we got what was needed hed used my credit cards or had used some i did not even know was created.Even court ordered he did not pay them and bragged about not doing so.Or for that matter really loving and find out now just how dirty he was doing you.I still have night mares over that. Now you just want to find just that one special mate that takes all that pain away. How do you explain that to your date?How do explain that the only interest you want now is to just find the person that totally rocks your world and you know they feel same for you and the two of you dont ever feel like that again?Awefully hard to do that and how do you go back to same partner knowing the past hoping for the person to not repeat the same again.So far I have not found that comfort.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 171 (view)

waking up to sex... Posted: 7/5/2008 10:34:21 AM
I love it!Love for my man to wake me up all cuddled up and making love to me.Or come in from long shift and have him greet me like that!Or join me in the shower.

sassy2butterfly2

Joined: 7/4/2007

Msg: 736 (view)

Should a woman buy a round of drinks? Posted: 6/26/2008 10:39:51 AM
If you just wanted an activity partner you should have told her so >you asked her out and before you went did you discuss if she was a friend going dutch or was this a real date? In my opion if its a date and your idea without money and limits discussed up front you should have been dumped on the spot and she continue on her on or if she wanted immediately take her home or offer her a taxi.Get her home safely. With me if a man is out with me and I offer then he should be happy but if it is a date and he forgets the card or wallet or ever it comes to past I pay he is SOL and I might go out but I am not going to give sex in return . that is a mutural chemistry thing an if ever expected you bet that is your last ever contact with me.Be prepared to get yourself home safely.If you date the what if can get into dui or accidents or explosive unsafe issues.Be prepared.

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