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smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

Disciplining in store Posted: 11/22/2006 2:45:26 PM
I remember one time my daughter had a conipition fit (complete melt down tantrum). She was like 4 I think... anyway what I did was I went to the next aisle, stood where she couldn't see me, but I could see her and just watched calmly to make sure nothing happened to her. The adults just kinda looked at her, looked for me, I waved at them to let them know she hadn't been abondoned without her finding my spot, and they patted me on the shoulder and told me I handled it beautifully. Once she was done (didn't take long) she got up and looked for me and I called her name calmly and I asked her if she was done, she said "yes", I said... "good, now, go put the cookies away".

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

MEN and WOMEN as roomates Posted: 11/8/2006 10:38:56 AM
I have had male room mates and female room mates. I will never have another female room mate again. Males I'd think about, HARD. I've currently vowed to never have another room mate though... so that would be a hard sell for me. Whenever I've had male room mates we've always been platonic, always had seperate rooms... well.. except when it was my boyfriend, god-brother and cousin all in a studio apartment when I was YOUNG... but that doesn't count. LOL. I've always had the "are you sleeping together" questions and my remark has always been "you are welcome any time you want, in fact, come spend a couple days at the house and you'll see there's nothing funny going on." I had one boyfriend that it drove him absolutely bananas to the point that he wanted to fight my room mate (insane I know, that's why he's now an EX). One broke up with me when I moved into the apartment (whatever) and one wouldn't come over if my room mate was home (WHAT??). Boys are funny.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 110 (view)

YOU CAN GO NOW Posted: 7/20/2006 6:26:06 PM
I always leave when an argument starts. If I start feeling heated, I walk out the door. I don't want to say anything I don't mean. My ex-husband would follow me around and continue to yell at me about the stupidest things. Things we'd already cleared up, or so I'd thought. This is why he is my ex. You guys need pre-marital counseling before you get married. Point blank.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 231 (view)

A hidden truth.. Depression... Posted: 7/16/2006 6:21:08 PM
Everyone here has these different theories about medication when depressed. Some say they won't date a person on medication, some say they won't date someone who has depression and isn't treating it. Whether those of us who live with depression choose to medicate or not medicate is a very personal decision. It's not a decision whether to wear blue or black today, it's a decision about whether we want to risk a LOT of potential medical effects. And I do mean A LOT. There are a lot of things that could go wrong when medicating. And that is if you don't forget to take the medication every day at the exact same time (which if I took it in the AM it would affect me differently than had I taken it in the PM, but it always messed with my sleep cycles - weird). For me, I inherited depression. Damn near everyone in my family has/had depression. My grandmother on my father's side was hospitalized for it several times. It caused my grandmother on my mother's side's Alzheimer's to progress incredibly rapidly. There are some people who just get a case of the blues and get over it. For those of us with clinical depression, it's much deeper than that. You have to have coping mechanisms, you have to be continuously aware of what is going on around you, in you and about you. You can't have a "day off" from depression. It just doesn't happen. Even when you're incredibly happy, there's still depression looking around the corner waiting for something to break so it can come have a pity party. But that doesn't mean we need people to walk on egg shells around us. We just need people to be there so that when that ugly monster comes in and takes over our lives, we have someone that swings by to check on us and make sure we've gotten up and at least showered today. We need someone to care enough to walk into our homes and say "let's go" and get us out of the house because sometimes... that's exactly what we need. A break from the reality of our life. A chance to be normal, a chance to get away from the mundane, the bleak, the dark and the depressing. But then, sometimes we need someone to watch sappy movies with us to give us permission to let our tears fall, break the damn down and let them flow because that's what we need today. But what we need more than anything else, is for someone to love us for who we are. Not whether we take medication or not, because except in INCREDIBLE cases, we are normal... we're not freaks, we're just like you.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

For the divorced now single crowd who are dating Posted: 7/11/2006 6:43:46 AM
I'm curious to know how long each of you has been divorced. I seperated from my ex in '99, our divorce was final in '01. It was a messy, bitter divorce and quite honestly it was a mistake to marry him in the first place (we were married nearly two years before we seperated - 2 weeks after our first anniversary is the first time he cheated that I know of). For the longest time I was a "hell no" answer myself. But now that I've grown some and healed from that divorce as much as I probably will, I would definitely get married again. BUT we would have to live together for a year (or spend an awful lot of time together), go through premarital counseling and then plan the wedding. I learned from my mistake. In fact, I was supposed to get married in October, we scheduled premarital counseling but he freaked and we split up in November. I'm finally recovering from that heartache, but I'm not gun shy anymore. Divorce would be completely out of the question though if I got married again. I'd rather be seperated for the rest of my life than go through that pain again.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

why do some feel need to cheat Posted: 7/10/2006 11:26:25 AM
Find a man no one thinks is good looking and there u have it he wont cheat because he cant!!!!! Yeah that doesn't work. My ex-husband is Super-Geek (we call him Urkel) and he gets girls left and right. Told the first one (that I know of) we were divorced for a year two weeks after our one year anniversary. Yeah... I thought nobody wanted him but me... come to find out that's what everyone else thinks too!!! I stopped dating men that are drop dead gorgeous to get with him thinking he'd never do that... boy was I wrong. Now, I only date men that make me drool...

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Your spouse suffers a life altering injury...you??? Posted: 7/5/2006 5:38:27 PM
Amen theburningman. Anyone who would leave their spouse for an injury, then obviously they didn't take their vows seriously. If my spouse got hurt I would definitely stand by their side.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 195 (view)

A hidden truth.. Depression... Posted: 6/30/2006 5:40:30 PM
Naked: the way you've been presenting yourself you've said that you would basically expect someone you're seeing to disclose medication. You've also said that you wouldn't date someone with depression. We (apparently I'm not the only one) can conclude that whether medicated or not, first date.. you want to know. Screw that, that's completely unreasonable. What a person takes is between them and their doctor. Now if you have a RELATIONSHIP, that information will be shared in a natural chain of events. I know first hand what kind of weird stuff that can happen to people on medication. I would wake up screaming in the middle of the night, I was scared to go to sleep because of the horrible nightmares, and it was hard to wake up in the morning. My doctor told me that night terrors (Which is what I was experiencing) is a form of seizures, which is a side effect of the medication. Not only that, but I was numb emotionally, and would often stare into space a lot more than normal (I have ADD LOL - I'm a space cadet naturally, don't need medication to make it worse). My "blues" period just would not lift despite my best efforts, so I stopped taking them. I improved by leaps and bounds as soon as that mess got out of my system. I worked with my therapist to find ways to deal with my "blue" periods without drugs. And I'm honestly a happier person because of it.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 181 (view)

A hidden truth.. Depression... Posted: 6/29/2006 6:18:15 PM
Naked: I never thought it was a PERSONAL attack... but if you knew ME then you wouldn't think I had clinical depression because I just don't let people that far into me to know that. Well, now I've let the whole world know... but oh well. What you originally said was that you wouldn't date someone who had depression. That excludes those of us who choose not to be medicated as well.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 75 (view)

What do you think about dangerous breeds of dogs? Posted: 6/28/2006 6:09:20 PM
Oh, I also have to say that I know my American Bulldog and a Pitt aren't the same. EVERYONE tells me she's a pitt, but she weighs like 100 lbs more than any pitt I've ever met... so I get real defensive of that point... LOL. I have raised Pitts and they were awesome. We had one, "6-Pack" (long story) that would let a three year old little girl walk her with her finger in her collar and not pull or chase a cat or anything, she was just an amazing dog. Her dad, King, would bark up a storm if a cop pulled someone over near the house and the person in the car got fly with the cop because we made sure to introduce him to cops in uniform so he would know that they were good... cops loved to pull people over by our house... LOL Dogs have teeth. Dogs CAN BITE.... regardless of breed. And seriously, if that dog wanted to hurt that three year old, it would have been a LOT more than a few stitches. I know that it's bad, but it's true. My Molly (AB) weighs about 50lbs more than I do. She doesn't pull me, she doesn't jump on me, she knows her place. If we go for a walk and other dogs are barking at her she looks at me like she's asking what I want her to do and when I tell her she's okay, she keeps about her business. When people come to my house she's either locked up in the other room, outside or on a leash sitting by my side until both she and our company are comfortable, or the company leaves. If you come in my yard and Molly doesn't know you, you can bet your sweet butt that she's going to be tasting it. If you are IN MY HOUSE and she is OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE, she will JUMP THROUGH THE WINDOW to get a taste of your butt. I don't need a gun, I got a dog.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 74 (view)

What do you think about dangerous breeds of dogs? Posted: 6/28/2006 5:33:39 PM
Thanks Bulldog!! What a great post!!! BTW: When my dog was teething I gave her carrots. She loved it!!

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 175 (view)

A hidden truth.. Depression... Posted: 6/28/2006 5:11:26 PM
Naked... more people live withe depression than you think. And most of us, you wouldn't even know it. Medicated or not. Get to know the PERSON, not the illness. BTW: I don't "crumble" when my world falls down around me. I may be in shock for a couple days, but I circle the wagons and figure out what to do next, I just make sure to go for many more walks and I dust off my journal.... and if you read my previous post... I was diagnosed with clinical depression, and get it from a LONG line of fully functioning (one not so fully functioning) clinically/manic depressives.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 167 (view)

A hidden truth.. Depression... Posted: 6/28/2006 8:34:59 AM
I am just wondering who out there goes into a full medical history within the first few meetings? And why would you do that? Is it really anybody's business that 10 years ago you had cancer? Or is it REALLY anyone's business that you live with depression? I can see that you're being TREATED for cancer or something along those lines, but come on. When I was being treated for cancer I was up front because I didn't know what was going to happen, besides I didn't want anyone to wonder why I was in the doc's office all the time. When I was being treated for my depression I wasn't because it wasn't anybody's business but my own. My boyfriend of 3 years, my kids and my closest friends and family knew about it but people I barely knew or work associates? HELL NO!! My kids knew because they were there when my doctor insisted I go on medication (funny thing: we were at the doc's office for THEM not me.) Now I'm drug free (too many horrible side effects - much rather deal with it without the meds), therapist free and perfectly happy. But I do LIVE WITH clinical depression. There are other ways to LIVE WITH depression than drugs and therapy... and letting someone walk out of your life just because you find out that they have something wrong with them is ridiculous, I mean... who is 100% perfect? Nobody walking this Earth that's who!! Those of you who would walk out because someone you're DATING is "hiding" their depression medication make me sick. That's their business. If you'd have asked... they probably would have told you, but they probably don't think it's your business or the time for you to know.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

???Shes NOT looking for a relationship??? Posted: 6/26/2006 4:31:08 PM
Could mean either or. Personally, I'm not looking for a serious relationship and have turned guys down who are. She might be doing the same thing. She might be going through a phase in her life that she just doesn't want to get serious.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 57 (view)

WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man? Posted: 6/26/2006 4:16:01 PM
My ex-husband was in the Navy. I thought he was "one of the good ones". Two weeks after our one year anniversary he cheated on me. Less than a year later, he started to get abusive. I dated an ex-Marine who thought he was God's gift to everyone. I'm now VERY LEARY about dating military men based on past experience. It never seems to fail though, there could be a hundred men in a crowd and the ONE Navy guy will find me. LOL I wouldn't completely NOT date a guy in the military, but he better be an officer... especially at my age... LMAO!! I'd also be reserved in the trust sense for quite some time based solely on my past experience.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Upon your death, who gets your children? Posted: 6/25/2006 2:34:59 PM
When I did my will I talked to my sister who told me that she would have to use the money they got from my life insurance (a pretty penny btw) to get a new house. They have a three bedroom house and one child. I thought that was insane. But she is responsible financially, so I put her as the guardian of their finances. Neither of my parents would be financially stable enough. So I put a list of people including my two very best friends who agreed when I had my girls to be their God-parents, my sister, my parents, and my ex-s parents with a stigma that whoever is financially, emotionally, and physically stable enough to adequately care for the girls will get them. With a longer list of those they are to remain in contact with. I also included a sealed letter for the judge should their father's try to split them up or get custody stating WHY I did not want that to happen. I have two God-children, and my niece would come to me if I were to get into a stable relationship. My sister and brother-in-law don't want their daughter raised by a single mother should anything happen to them, but they do think I'd be the best person to care for her... Whatever.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 44 (view)

What do you think about dangerous breeds of dogs? Posted: 6/25/2006 11:23:39 AM
There are more attacks on human by collies and other small dogs than pits and other large dogs, the smaller dogs just do less damage. AND it is really not in an "agressive" dogs nature to attack a human unless it feels threatened or it feels it's "pack" (owner) is threatened. If you read anything about "bully breeds" you'll know that it has been bred OUT OF THEM to not attack people. Only those who knew not to attack their owner survived, thus had offspring, etc. While I'm sorry that your daughter (OP) was bit by a pit, it is not in their nature to do so. Something happened, and it happens. I have an American Bulldog. Essentially she's a giant pit. She's the best. I had her fixed about a year ago because she was starting to get aggresive with my boston terrier mix (who I had to get rid of for trying to bite the mail lady), she weighs more than me, but I never have any problems with her. Whenever anyone asks if she bites I tell them "She has teeth doesn't she?" That meaning that you never know what a dog is going to do. You just have to be prepared to do the unthinkable should anything happen. Also, your friends lied to protect themselves against the legal ramifications of their dog's behaviour. Apparently they weren't such good friends after all and I'm sorry for that.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 37 (view)

Dating men on this site Posted: 6/20/2006 7:50:14 PM
I've met some fabulous people on this site and others. I ALWAYS meet (first time anyway) in a public place where I have my own vehicle and he doesn't know where I live. Safety first. I truly don't see any difference between meeting someone on line and meeting someone in a public place (club, store, mall, wherever). Both places people can lie and tell you one thing and do (or be) the opposite, like someone said it's a crap shoot. I've met people that weren't what they said they were, I've met others who were much more fabulous in person than they gave themselves credit for. All in all, great experiences. No stalkers as of yet, only stalker I've ever had was my ex-husband, and I didn't meet him online... LOL. Have fun!!

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Different Marriage Rules? Posted: 6/20/2006 2:35:52 PM
Whoz.... it figures you'd say something like that, as you've never been married. But those of us who have can tell you... when you say "I do" you don't intend to get divorced. HOWEVER, it IS just a contract that allows you certain priviledges in the legal world, i.e. taxes, insurance, at one's death or illness, etc. Just like any business deal you should have an exit strategy in place. If asked if I would sign a prenup, I would have no problems with it so long as provisions that if he cheats or becomes violent the prenup is nullified, and all assets acquired by either party within the marriage were to be split 50/50... which is good for both because one or the other could always "hit it big". Life is a game, and it's much more fun to have someone to play with. A marriage license is purely a contract that makes you bound legally to the person you're playing the game of life with. There are plenty of people out there who don't get married, and that's fine too... draw up some legal documents that say what is to happen in the event of the relationship going sour, health failing or deaht, so that both parties are protected under the law... BEFORE joining anything. It's just being intelligent. As far as the OP goes: that's a retarded idea. There would be a lot of people who wouldn't renew because of the cost or the hassle or they would be just plain bored.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF SHE'S CHEATING ???? Posted: 6/20/2006 11:30:25 AM
Maybe she's like a lot of women with long hair and her hair was getting on her nerves and she pulled it up... I do it all the time. So that one is out of the equation. Maybe when she was out of town she missed you, so she bought you some presents and showed you she missed you then things got back to normal. My ex-husband did that all the time when he'd be out to sea. Turned out after our 1 year anniversary he started cheating, but before that he wasn't. I'd be distant to him before a trip from day 1, coping mechanism. STD's: maybe she read something about them not showing up for some years and got concerned... The things in the car: that's cause for alarm.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Single Parents Posted: 6/19/2006 7:36:26 AM
luvlifemore: what a sad way to live your life. I'm guessing you're one of the "masses". BTW: as most people are of a very mixed heritage, and nobody is truly 100% anything, most people really don't care.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

Single Parents Posted: 6/18/2006 8:16:31 PM
sumeria - my children are mixed. I have introduced white guys to them and my kids adore them just as much as they adore any black guy I introduce them to (I rarely introduce them to anyone I date, but I do have a lot of FRIENDS that they have met). When I was in Jr. High I knew a mixed couple - she was black, he was white... she had a child pre-him who was not mixed who adored him and they had a child together. We are all part of one race: Human. Once you get over the difference in skin color, the rest works itself out. Good luck, and don't let that hinder you in dating anyone.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

You can lead a horse to water, BUT....... Posted: 6/18/2006 7:35:50 PM
What you did was commendable. You are a true friend for what you did, trust that. It is your house, and if he couldn't respect that you were helping HIM out in giving HIS family a place to stay, then he has no self-respect either. Continue to be friends with her, she needs you. But don't be surprised if she doesn't call you for awhile because I'm sure she's embarassed about his behaviour. All you can do now is tell her that she and the kids are always welcome, but he is not, and let her make those decisions. Sometimes just knowing you have options available to you is enough to leave a horrible situation like that. Go to her work one day and just let her know that it wasn't her, it was him, and she and the kids are always welcome. That, in and of itself, would be enough to make a woman think about the situation she is putting her children in. After you do that, all you can do is pray and pray hard. Good luck.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

things in the apartment for female guests Posted: 6/18/2006 7:29:08 PM
CTF: could have been a friend, a friend's girlfriend, his sister, his mother, possiblities are endless. I'd leave it alone unless you have reason to believe otherwise.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

things in the apartment for female guests Posted: 6/18/2006 4:31:53 PM
newsman it's very simple. Make sure you have TP, have some candles, keep your house clean, and make sure you have plenty of clean (fluffy) towels. If I go to a mans house and he has all that you mentioned I'm going to wonder where his girlfriend is. A bible open in plain sight is not going to impress me at all.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

Question on vacations Posted: 6/15/2006 10:59:35 AM
For me, a weekend trip IS a vacation. And considering he foot the bill... and the intention was to go spend it with him, they went for back up (he had a friend come too for the same reason). Yes, it was the same thing... only shorter.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

Question on vacations Posted: 6/15/2006 7:11:56 AM
I have, and I would do it again. Not for a week, for a weekend. And in Vegas. We had our own rooms, I had my girlfriends come up to be my "backup" the first night at the minimum just in case things went awry (which they did - attraction was just not there), and I had a blast. I would only do that if meeting in Vegas or somewhere where I can get to someone I know within a couple hours should I need to. Also, seperate rooms (and/or money to get another room) is a must... JUST IN CASE. The important thing is to ensure that at least someone knows where you are and who you are with. Even if I meet someone at the club I call my girlfriend and give her a description of him and his license plate number. I'm not stupid. But I'm also not going to live my life in fear of the "could be"'s, that's just boring.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 58 (view)

A bad case of the EX Posted: 6/14/2006 7:15:58 PM
Then quit whinning about him not calling you back or not giving you your stuff back, because until you leave him alone, he won't even give you a second thought. Right now, you're puffing up his ego by repeatedly calling him and letting this get under your skin. He thinks you want him. As long as he has your stuff and it is getting to you like this, he is winning already, AND he has your stuff. Lesson learned: leave NOTHING at a guys house. N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 53 (view)

A bad case of the EX Posted: 6/14/2006 4:08:25 PM
Jenna... don't tell her to keep calling him!!!! She's making herself batty over STUFF!!!! OMG it's not like he's keeping her CHILD or something of that extent from him, it's STUFF that can be REPLACED. DO NOT CALL HIM OR CONTACT HIM ANYMORE. If you never see your stuff again, OH WELL. He'll wise up and call for his stuff, or he'll leave his stuff as is too. Either way, MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE!!! THIS IS SOOOO NOT WORTH IT!!!!

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 45 (view)

A bad case of the EX Posted: 6/13/2006 7:13:23 PM
You are the one that is working yourself up over this STUFF. IT IS JUST STUFF!!!! You can't take it with you when you die, so LET IT GO!!!! As soon as you LEAVE HIM ALONE he will call you. I can damn near guarantee it.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

A bad case of the EX Posted: 6/12/2006 9:27:21 PM
terminal: I think you hit the nail on the head. She doesn't want to give his stuff back any more than she really cares about getting her stuff back. She's trying to make herself out to be a victim of mess, and she's not. She's proceeding to make herself look childish and petty. Whatever is at his house, FORGET ABOUT IT. "Chalk it up to the game". IF it was something that was important, you woulda got it when you went over for the booty call. As for his crap, put it in a box and set it on the porch. Tell him if it's not gone by Saturday, it's going in the trash. And leave it at that. DO NOT CALL HIM ANYMORE you are only making yourself look desperate, which BTW: is NOT attractive.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

OKC get together!!! Posted: 6/11/2006 9:26:26 PM
Hey... that sounds like a great idea!! I'll try my best to be there, and I've already written it on my calendar!!

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 33 (view)

A bad case of the EX Posted: 6/11/2006 8:46:34 PM
robyn, what exactly does he still have of yours? Is it worth this headache?

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

A bad case of the EX Posted: 6/11/2006 4:29:40 PM
I say whatever you left over there, leave it alone. Whatever he left, put it in a box, leave it on the porch and tell him he has until trash day to come get it or it's going in the garbage. A week is more than enough time to get stuff transferred. Then just walk away and don't look back. If there was anything that you NEEDED, you'd have gotten it when you went over to get some.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

The unsolved questions... Posted: 6/10/2006 11:55:49 PM
By the time I was your age I had two kids and my divorce was ALMOST final. That doesn't make me stupid... that just means I grew up faster than you... You won't hear me "b*tching" about any of that. I thanked my ex's for anything they did for me whether it was supporting me (ex-husband) or taking care of the household stuff while I went to school (ex-fiance). They always said it was their "job" and they were happy to do it, and it was my "job" and I was happy to do anything I did for them. Now my girls have to pick up more slack in the house with him gone... LOL... In a relationship it should be 50/50 but the "work" of the relationship depends on what is going on in both people's lives. A relationship is a team effort. If one person is working, the other should be taking care of the house and kids. If both are working then the house work and child care should be split up. If one is working and going to school then it should fall mostly on the other because the school is an investment in the future... at least that's my opinion.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 49 (view)

Deal breakers, what sents you running for the exit? Posted: 6/10/2006 11:46:10 PM
If he doesn't have his act together (stable legal income and home). If he doesn't have kids. If he is not supportive of me finishing my education. If he's racist. If he is a gung-ho country music fan ( meaning: he ONLY LISTENS to country I only recently learned how to two-step... that was a pretty big deal for me). If he's not open minded about music. If he gets on me about smoking my cigars. If he goes out every night of the week. The three biggies though: Liars, cheaters and women beaters. ... There's probably a lot more, but those are the ones I could think of right now.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

The unsolved questions... Posted: 6/10/2006 11:32:30 PM
Do women really spend all there time cooking, cleaning and looking after their men. I'm assuming you're referring to a HOUSE WIFE? Those of us who have CAREERS: no. And with my last relationship, he worked all day then took care of the household stuff when he got home so I could do my homework.... but then again I work full time and go to school full time, and he only worked full time. My girls are big enough to take care of themselves, but we all played together too.... and some days he'd take them to the park so I could get a paper done or study or whatever. When I was a house wife, I did everything in the house because that was MY JOB. Why is it that women say that they do all the child raising in a family. Are then men in this world really that ambivelent to there offspring. Again, assuming you're referring to a HOUSE WIFE. It's apparent that you either 1. don't have kids or 2. have never been stuck in a house with kids ALL DAY LONG day in and day out with no adult interaction ALL DAY LONG. (Can you tell I couldn't do that again?) When I was a house wife, by the time my ex came home, my kids were begging to spend time with him AND I was begging to have some time to myself so I could (sometimes at the minimum) take a long hot shower, or go for a walk, or hell go grocery shopping without dragging two toddlers with me. Now that I'm divorced, HE's VERY ambivelent to his offspring and is nowhere to be found. They only see him when they visit his parents during the summer, and even then it's few and far between. HOWEVER, my brother in law takes a very active role in my niece's life and it's a very 50-50 type deal. He works nights, she works days and they have their schedules worked out so that he has my niece all day, and she has her all night. It works perfect for them and I applaud him for what he does... he's fabulous.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 32 (view)

love and weight gain Posted: 6/10/2006 11:16:29 PM
I found this particular thread hilarious. Firstly because my ex-husband would have a cow if I ate popcorn after I had my daughter because I had gained a few pounds being pregnant (15), and more due to serious post-partum depression (another 20). I ended up leaving him not long after that ordeal. So then I'm dating a guy, I have a full hysterectomy, then as soon as I am able to start working out again I get hurt at work and am back out of commission for awhile, the I kicked his butt to the curb for being a jack a$$, one event after another after another and I'm watching the scale creep up and up and up and up. I tried EVERYTHING to lose it, but I just couldn't. I finally stabilized at 290. I was with a great guy who loved every pound too. So then I finally had enough of it (the weight), tired of trying every diet known to man, tired of working my butt off to hear doctor's say "I don't know, all your tests show you're healthy... but..." so I had gastric bypass surgery. HE knew all about it and was very supportive of me having it because I was always sick, always tired, my joints hurt all the time, etc... and I was doing it for my health above everything else. I guess he didn't realize the weight was going to drop off so quickly. I'm now 145 (by one year out) and holding and he left about 40 pounds ago (at 185) saying I was getting too skinny for him. I nearly broke my glass table when I hit it with both fists because I was soooo mad. Anyways, seeing that I was left for getting "too skinny", I know how that feels and it sucks. My sister's husband has stuck by her side through her extreme weight fluctuations (thyroid) and I think it's fabulous. But I know of guys who just care about physical appearances too. It all depends on how long it takes for those pounds to pack on I guess and what's the story behind them. I wouldn't leave my man for gaining some weight, but that's just me. I always seem to find the guys with the super high metabolisms though... LOL.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 43 (view)

what do you do when your man checks your phone? Posted: 6/5/2006 11:44:33 AM
For me, it would depend. After a year and he's just now checking your phone. I'd tell him "next time, ask me for it... I have nothing to hide, but you don't have to sneak it." After my now ex cheated on me, I would go through his phone, pockets, even his truck. I wrote down EVERY phone number in his phone and when I checked it I'd take a glance at the numbers already there. I'd ask him about numbers that were new. Being a DJ he usually had an excuse for every one of 'em though (that I rarely believed). Once we moved in together I didn't check his phone or anything because I knew where he was at all times (if he wasn't with me, my kids were with him). I had free reign to do all of that because he wanted me to know that he wasn't going to do that anymore (cheat), and it was part of my agreement to keep him around. Hind sight is 20/20 though. :) Point: depends on how you feel about him. If you have nothing to hide, don't make a big deal about it, but tell him that if he wants to look through your phone, you want permission to look through his. If he's hiding something (which he probably is to be honest) he won't agree to that. Follow your heart, just keep your eyes wide open. Any other signs of possessiveness... RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 55 (view)

Is It OK to Date your Best Friend's X????? Posted: 6/5/2006 6:13:06 AM
If a friend and this guy had feelings for each other, kids together, etc... NO. If they just went on a couple dates and no feelings developed.... possibly. But only after getting the OK from the friend. Exceptions are if they were together before you became friends and you had NO EARTHLY idea that they dated... fair game.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

forgetful significant other? Posted: 6/2/2006 4:30:31 PM
gallivanting: AMEN!!! V-day is just a day. You should never wait until one day of the year to make someone feel loved and special. I celebrate big on MY birthday, and if I remember (meaning: it's on my big calendar next to my PC) I'll buy you a bday card (or send it via e-mail), but I RARELY (if ever) buy bday presents (unless you're lucky enough to be one of my babies... then you're spoiled rotten on your bday). Christmas: I only buy for my kids... unless I see something that I think you might like while I'm doing my Christmas shopping. With my most recent ex... our "anniversary" just so happened to be my birthday, so I couldn't forget that. Coincidentally, this year's bday is going to SUCK because it's my first one since we broke up.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

forgetful significant other? Posted: 6/2/2006 1:44:51 PM
Seeing that I'm a forgetful person I wouldn't say much. But I would make sure to buy them a calendar and pre-write all the "important" dates in the calendar before giving it to them. I have a huge calendar by my PC at home with all the biggies circled so I don't forget, a small calendar in my purse that I write down the family type stuff and a calendar.... well you get the picture. I can't speak for other forgetfulls, but we're just as embarrased about forgetting something as you are mad that we forgot. Be patient with us and throw LOTS of hints and reminders, if you don't just plan something ahead of time with the full intent of making sure we remember something. (My most recent ex had to do that all the time - made both of our lives much easier)

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 39 (view)

If you've had cancer or an illness at what point in a relationship do you tell Posted: 6/1/2006 2:18:50 PM
Personally: I had cancer. It took a hysterectomy to get rid of it. I usually divulge the fact that I'm sterile pretty early... sometimes even before we go on an official date. I don't want someone who wants kids of their own to fall in love, too messy. As far as telling them details of my medical history, if they ask, I tell. But I've been in remission for 8 years, so I'm probably in the clear by now. I mean would you tell someone you had your wisdom teeth pulled? Not likely. It's all in how comfortable you are in discussing it, and where you are in your treatment. Also, how close you want to be with that person. Everything plays a part in that equation.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

DATING FOR YEARS? Posted: 6/1/2006 2:13:35 PM
It's knowing that the person you are with believes in you and has faith in the relationship so much so that they are willing to declare it legally and to the whole world that they are committed to one person. Very true that marriage doesn't mean commitment, as many people cheat. But I wouldn't marry someone unless I was a sure as i can be that they wouldn't, but sometimes people do the unexpected and cheat anyway. You either work through it or let go. Just because you're married doesn't mean the other will believe in your or have faith in the relationship. Some people claim they're in it for life, but never were. It's a gamble. Dating for a few years, living together first, that's all part of making that gamble a lot less risky. Once you've been together for awhile, then you know that person better, you know going in that this is the person you want to wake up to everyday, and kinks can be worked out. have you never been cheated on? It's not really a matter of working through it or letting it go. There's a lot more to that, and often you think you've moved past it... but you haven't, and it doesn't show back up until you least expect it. Trust is lost and has to be rebuilt, and the cheater rarely realizes that even though it's been forgiven, it hasn't been forgotten and it will still affect trust until that trust is rebuilt. It's not an easy thing to "get over".

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

DATING FOR YEARS? Posted: 6/1/2006 10:04:02 AM
I married someone I only dated for a few months (4 to be exact). I was happily seperated about a year later. Even happier divorced 3 years later. I was in a relationship with someone for 3 1/2 years. Not dating, in a RELATIONSHIP. We were planning on getting married, but he wigged out on me when a bunch of things happened and everything was over. I still love the second one, can't stand the first. LOL I can date someone, but we have to have a more solid relationship after a year. Not talking get married tomorrow, but time proves all things. Having set time boundaries makes everything feel too rushed, besides you don't truly know someone until you've lived with them for a year, then you KNOW them.... I will have to live with someone for at least a year AND get pre-marital counseling before I even think about planning another wedding. I do want to get married someday, for many reasons... but not until I truly know the person.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 200 (view)

Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman??? Posted: 5/30/2006 4:17:49 PM
coca2: you mean to tell me you don't look at a girl at the club and think "What the hell was she thinking?" or "Who let her leave the house like THAT?" Come on, be real. You know you do.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 43 (view)

I dont think Ill get married ever again./YOU? Posted: 5/29/2006 6:02:52 PM
Would I get married again? Yes. IF the right person presented themselves. Since I couldn't get married due to being pregnant again, I'd have to marry for love. I was SUPPOSED to get married this fall... and once I get over that tremendous heart break, if Mr. Right were to present himself.... AND after we went through counseling... IF we still wanted to get married, then heck yeah I'd get married again. But I'd have to adore him in order to do so.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 195 (view)

Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman??? Posted: 5/28/2006 9:06:38 AM
singleguy - you have your views, and I have mine that's the beauty of the 'net. you didn't touch any nerves, I promise you that. as far as I can tell, you do dress respectably to go to work. it's called "business casual", but you certainly wouldn't go in wearing tore up shorts and a tank top would you? or those dirty jeans you wore to the bar? BTW: I don't hang out at the club, I just know from experience. My kids happen to be with their dad for a month, so I can go out if I choose to. pickem - cougars are some of the most maginificent creatures on the planet. I've seen them wild, up close and personal, and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life (second only to the birth of my children). I was hiking at Mt. Rainier in WA and this beautiful creature was laying in the sun on a rock. She looked at us, watched us for a minute or two, determined we weren't a danger to her and continued on basking in the sun. Of course, we weren't stupid by making any sudden movements, but we just continued walking and enjoying watching her splendor. I would LOVE to have a cougar. HOWEVER, I'm not stupid enough to get one because they are far too dangerous. I just admire them from afar. I just keep my big dogs, and I'm fine. Who needs a gun when you have a 160-pound of pure muscle dog keeping you company?

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 187 (view)

Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman??? Posted: 5/27/2006 11:28:09 PM
Maybe to you. If it makes you feel better about yourself, by all means, go for it. But don't think it makes any difference to me whether you are made up and dressed to the 9's, or w/o makeup and in jeans & a t-shirt, give me 15 minutes of conversation and I'll tell you whether I find you attractive or not. singleguy - maybe to me it matters??? Have you not looked around lately??? Have you not been in an upscale restaurant or store and seen how people are treated based on their appearance?? You are treated differently if you're wearing raggedy clothes vs. dressed nice (nice jeans and a t-shirt that fits your body, or suit... only matters based on WHERE you are). You can go to an auto dealer wearing tore up sweats and a shirt that's seen better days and NOBODY will come talk to you regardless of what your credit looks like or how much cash you have.... OR you could walk in wearing a nice suit and be treated like royalty regardless of the fact that your credit may be crying for help and you have no money to put down. It's a FACT that if you want to be treated with respect, you have to look like you deserve that respect. Is that, or is that not true? Is it not true that a woman who is not leaving anything to the imagination at the club will be treated like a hoe, and a woman who is dressed nicely will be treated respectfully? IT'S TRUE!!! (the sad thing is that the first woman will wonder why she is being treated as such) Hell, I saw it at the club tonight on many occasions!!! So save that "if it matters to you" garbage for someone else, because it doesn't just matter to me, it matters to society in general.

smom2

Joined: 3/26/2005

Msg: 186 (view)

Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman??? Posted: 5/27/2006 11:16:18 PM
pickem - thank you (I have dated guys around your age... so... age is nothing but a number and I generally don't date guys my age because they generally don't have their act together just yet). I do know that when I wrote that other post I was tired and extremely upset (not about any thread, about something entirely different - trust that), so I probably wasn't all that able to put into words how I was thinking. I can be very articulate and hold a very intelligent conversation, or I can be completely "ghetto" (for lack of a better term) depending on who I'm talking to or what mood I'm in. I probably was in the later mood at the time due to the situation I was faced with at that particular moment in history. Regarding the cub comment, yeah I know she was trying to defend me and chastise me at the same time, I saw that... thus my comment. Just because I'm young, doesn't mean I'm dumb/immature/whatever she was chastising me about. I was commenting solely on the whole "smart women don't care what they look like" type of comments given previously by other posters. I hate cats. Cats are lazy, boring and just plain annoying. I have a big dog (American Bulldog - she looks like a gigantic pitbull). I love my big dog. She weighs more than me, can defend me if need be, and makes me feel safe. Why ever would I want a cat??? What could they do if someone broke into the house?? NOTHING (now, if it were a cougar or lion, maybe I could see it...). Besides my daughter's and my allergies would have us sicker than I don't know what!! But that's another thread huh?

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