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 Author Thread: The perfect 10
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 46 (view)
 
The perfect 10
Posted: 7/3/2008 2:28:54 AM
Just today I saw an ostrich mating ritual on the Discovery channel. These birds also have criteria about well, if not looks, at least attitudes and how the other one dances in courtship (there are, apparently some clumsy dancers) or if they play too hard to get. The male moves on if he's teased too long.
This brings us to:
The reptilian part of our brains. It set us up to visually assess or size them up for fight or flight. And because of procreation something instinctively kicks in when we look for a potential mate. Some of that 'size-em-up' instinctiveness is connected to the visual response.

So, it's not always up to societal constructs, although the fashion industry can certainly sway us in different directions as to body type/image.

I think there's nothing wrong with making a basic (ahem, *basic*) determination through a photo because that's all we have to go on initially. And although I would ultimately love to meet someone who looks exactly like Clint Eastwood in his spaghetti western days (if he was dark-not fair), I've been with guys that are lots of extra pounds, shorter than me, extremely fair and freckled, much too young and scrawny, bad teeth and all sorts of stuff in between. This was because something about those 'imperfect-to-me' ones definitely turned me on and made me feel comfortable with them.
Maybe sense of humor, the way they moved, dressed, dealt with life???! It's never all about one thing. Looks are only one small part of the package we're looking for and looks themselves are fleeting.

When I had a hair salon years ago, an absolutely drop-dead gorgeous couple came in as clients and I got to know them. I was really nervous doing this guys hair because he was so hot. Strangely though, after a while he got less and less attractive in my eyes because he was a bit of a dumb@ss and stuck up a bit, unlike his beautiful wife. Conversely, I've had clients (men and women), who didn't have looks one would particularly notice, but after speaking with them a while their personality absolutely lit them up and they became dramatically beautiful to me. That was a lesson right there!

Now I have this guy from the gym, a serious body-builder, who is tall, super buff, tanned (my young Clint Eastwood) very handsome and really nice, asking me out and I'm a little nervous about dating someone that perfect looking -certainly a 10 for me- because he could have a 30 year old Barbie on his arm. Life is weird sometimes.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Person puts first name at end of email?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:16:18 PM
Me too - sign my first name. I think its only polite. A peeve of mine is having to address someone back Hello ??? or Hi 'bikerdude0986'...

I don't however, sign my name to my forum posts.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Pulling out with the condom still on to ejaculate....
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:08:16 PM
Jesus! Flush the thing down the toilet! I'm no germophobe but carrying around a used condom full of sperm (even if it is your own) is dirty, disgusting and pretty creepy. I would never have dinner at his house!
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Why dont people entertain their partners interests?
Posted: 6/13/2008 2:05:59 PM
DJChickie (msg 31) got it absolutely right on the money!!!
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 30 (view)
 
How do I lower my standards without compromising too much?
Posted: 6/13/2008 1:49:11 PM

From what I see on your profile you are average looking yourself so I would not shoot to high if I were you. Some of these woman kill me they want honest handsome fin secure etc ..... Just what are you bringing to the table sheeeeesh!!!!


That was pretty rude!!! (and entirely untrue)
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Making Tzatziki
Posted: 6/10/2008 3:21:17 AM
Tzatziki is one of my favorite things to eat - sometimes it's all I'll have (with pita and kalamata olives of course!) for dinner. I add some cumin and use lemon juice instead of vinegar. Thanks for sharing, I'll see if I can get Fage here in San Fran although they have other greek yogurts I've seen.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Attracting the wrong type of Women
Posted: 6/6/2008 10:58:42 AM
A lot of people (like me) don't always read all of the details above the profile. I would add something like "I'm not looking for a serious relationship right away" or "I'm only interested in dating at this point" to your profile.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Fight or Flight?
Posted: 1/23/2008 3:36:16 AM

When faced with an unexpected violent situation, the vast majority of people will simply freeze and do nothing but watch for several minutes.


I can believe that! When you're witness to something happening around you and you're not the target, initially I think you're in a state of disbelief, and the gut reaction might be to minimize attention to yourself so you kind of freeze. Perhaps when that sinks in you try to rationalize; should I try to do something? Can I do something? A basic assessment of what's happening to guide you to a conclusion and some type of appropriate action. Of course all of this happens in the space of a second or two but as anyone in a car accident knows, time seems to slow down and everything feels like it's going in slow motion.

I think if you're the target (even your home or property), you're outraged, and feel the need to be protective. I don't know what I'd do if someone grabbed me but I think it might piss me off so much I would fight back. My reaction with the bedroom 'sneak' didn't really surprise me but you can't be sure of how you'll react to anything until it happens.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Fight or Flight?
Posted: 1/23/2008 1:13:16 AM
Good question ('cause I've got an answer!!!)
I always wondered what I'd do in that situation, either defend myself or freeze up. I guess it depends on exactly how confrontational and/or potentially violent the situation is but I was pleased with how I handled myself.

My ex was sleeping right next to me (before we got married - must have been in our very early 20's), and as usual I was still trying to lure the sandman. It really annoyed me how quickly he fell asleep while I'd lay awake for an hour or so.

The bedroom window was 2 floors above the entryway of the building and as I always have my window cracked I could hear people on the intercom. Around midnight I heard someone trying to get into the building saying he forgot his keys - he rang multiple suites. This really bothered me, but about 20 minutes later I started to drop off.

I suddenly awoke when I heard the mini blinds being messed with. I realized there was a hand through the window trying to slide it open. Creepy! Without even thinking, I barked out "WHO"S THERE?" in a gruff angry voice. Even while I was saying it, I jumped out of bed and put my hands through the blinds to close the window.

For reasons I'm still surprised at, I had the presence of mind or maybe just curiosity to look through the blinds in time to see some guy climbing back into the hallway window. (Old building, with wide stone window ledges - my bedroom was at a right-angle to the hallway window)

My BF at the time woke up with all the commotion. He said what happened? I told him someone was trying to get in through the window. He asked "Are they gone?" I said "yes", and he went back to sleep!!!

My hero.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Criminal Records
Posted: 1/20/2008 8:20:50 PM
yna6: Would you become a immigration official for me?!


<div class="quote">Cripes...if the guy can dig a frikkin' post hole he's in! If he's totally crippled up, he's in! We offer free health care, remember...and aren't too styngie as to who gets it either, from some of what I've been hearing!

I wish! I've had a lot of trouble at the border twice now because my papers weren't 'in order'. The first time I had to stay put until I was sent the right ones. I'm almost ready to give up, but I still have another year.

Edit: Sorry didn't mean to hijack this thread! Feel free to delete and get back on topic.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Criminal Records
Posted: 1/20/2008 2:41:05 PM

Way.

Way not!
We could be doing this all day!
I do know that if you have a unique skill or one that they can't otherwise fill, they're more than accommodating. I would suggest you were in that elite group (I read you profile...)
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Deleting Profile
Posted: 1/20/2008 9:34:48 AM

Give it a few dys and see how often he rings, if he gives you his home number etc and see if you actually can TALK... :)


Don't forget to block your number from him!
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Criminal Records
Posted: 1/20/2008 8:16:08 AM

In the states if you're married you can stay legally and work the next day.


No way Jose!!! I have been in SF on a student visa for more than a few years. I have met many people trying to work in the country and I would like to do the same. Even if you get married, you're not necessarily allowed to stay, much (MUCH!) less work. You need a greencard to be legally employed and that can take up to 3 years.

Immigration appointments are made and you are assessed. Your spouse's income tax forms for the past 3 years are looked at to make sure they have enough income to be able to support you for that time period. If not, they don't let you stay.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Criminal Records
Posted: 1/20/2008 8:10:27 AM

Call immigration and see...

I do know when I was driving a semi truck, anyone with a criminal record wasn't allowed in Canada...


When my friend came to Canada with me for Christmas he as well as another man were further questioned. Both had DUI's. My friend was honest about his and they initially refused him entry. He asked if there was anything he could do (not wanting to turn around again and fly home!). They told him he could pay $200 for a temporary visa for the duration of his stay. He had a return ticket.

The guy beside him apparently lied and when he asked to do the same thing they refused him for lying.

So, they are allowed though this doesn't answer the question of making a permanent move. Hope it somewhat helps. Apparently doesn't hurt to press a point but be honest about things.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 57 (view)
 
What makes you CELIBATE?
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:17:45 AM

Thinking: If I cut three holes in a pillow case and put it on if it would increase my chances

three holes...Gotta have ALL your boys out there do ya?
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Lost in Your Eyes!
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:03:10 AM
I was in a life drawing class and we had a few lessons on portraiture and the skillful execution of eyes, noses & ears. We were told to partner up with someone and spend the rest of the class concentrating on drawing those features correctly. We each sat directly across from our partners and silently studied and drew each feature. I was intently focused on my partners eyes and he on mine.

It was quiet for a really, really long time. Someone suddenly blurted out in a panicky voice Why do you keep staring at me?!!!

Everyone cracked up after that.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 70 (view)
 
I'm the other women
Posted: 1/20/2008 4:15:41 AM

DON'T LISTEN TO THE COQUE BLOCKERS. THEY ARE MISERABLE AND JEALOUS OF OTHER PEOPLES HAPPINESS AND WANT THE SAME FATE FOR U. HE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO BREAK ANYONES HEART. KEEP SEEING YOUR MAN BABY!




^^Moron


*I was thinking more psycho serial killer
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 69 (view)
 
I'm the other women
Posted: 1/20/2008 4:12:52 AM
Do you believe in karma?

As Spike Lee said "Do the Right Thing"
As Nike says "Just do it"

Break it off babe! I was "The Wife", and I had nothing against "The Other Woman", but I didn't know her. His girlfriend is going to take a long emotional journey over this.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 34 (view)
 
help me please
Posted: 1/19/2008 5:50:09 PM
AustinApple, you're right on the money, honey!
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
help me please
Posted: 1/19/2008 4:51:57 PM
The way I read your post is that you got sober before you met her and have remained so throughout this ordeal. So, first off, congratulations on getting sober, and, more importantly, staying sober. It almost sounds like a this relationship was a lesson life tossed in to test you and you passed the test!

Especially at your age, this is a great accomplishment! Life has more lessons to throw your way and if this didn't make you fall off the wagon you'll have the strength to face other challenges yet to come.

She's pretty immature to break up with you that way. I know it's painful but you'll have to chalk it up to experience and learn what mistakes you made, like giving your heart away too quickly. You will get over this, just stay on track, let yourself grieve, keep away from temptations that will lead to drinking and then find another love!
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 41 (view)
 
how do i gain confidence in myself?
Posted: 1/19/2008 4:27:22 PM
There's a lot of great advice here - and much of it is being repeated so it might be wise to listen to those particular points!

Forget about dating for little while to work on youraself. Make new friends and de velop new interests.

Also, be your own best friend. Don't allow negative thoughts in! If you find yourself thinking badly about yourself, stop and think of one of your positive points. It ALL starts there. That's the seed that will germinate into self-confidence.

If you do this and follow the other great advice here: give yourself a makeover, get good at something that interests you, etc. The girlfriend thing will follow naturally.

One last thing. I'm willing to bet that you're not ugly. I've known a lot of people who have better than average physical looks but their personality makes them look ugly. Celebrate your 'offbeat' looks, they're unique to you, and with a well-developed personality, talents and interests you'll make them grow into a thing of beauty!
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 213 (view)
 
What are your pet peeves......
Posted: 1/19/2008 5:42:56 AM
Bilko said:


People who talk on the phone and follow you around while they're doing it.


Phone peeves:
#1 I'm visibly on the phone and someone starts talking to me - like, a bunch of questions, or telling me something very non-urgent and long-winded that could have waited.

#2 You're watching a movie when the phone rings and your friend sits right beside you having a loud conversation because (I suppose), they don't want to miss anything, but you can't hear the soundtrack.

#3 People who can't shut up - in general!

Stop it!!!
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 212 (view)
 
What are your pet peeves......
Posted: 1/19/2008 5:08:39 AM
Toilet seat wars! Can we just stop that please?
up
down
up
down
up
down.....
Who really cares, aren't there more important things to get upset about?
There are people in the world that don't even have a proper toilet.

EDIT: I'm just now reading all the toilet seat comments! Obviously a hot topic...
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
The Bucket List
Posted: 1/19/2008 4:46:46 AM
Go to Egypt - anyone care to finance me? Hehehe
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 114 (view)
 
Should I worry if my boyfriend has a close relationship with female friend
Posted: 1/19/2008 12:38:21 AM
This is a thread that's lasted a while...
I think the OP has long since left the building! Oh well, carry on.

I haven't read all of these replies and but everyone who says it's a trust issue is right. In my own experience, my ex-husband mainly had female friends as he worked in a predominantly female office. I knew most of them and trusted him absolutely. When he took a trip to the east coast he told me he was staying with an ex-girlfriend and it didn't bother me because I knew that relationship was over. I was more worried about him meeting someone new.

He also trusted me. If he wanted to leave a party early he'd asked if I minded that he left. Likewise, I would tell him that I would go home too if he wanted. He always told me no, if you're having fun and want to stay, then stay.

It all depends on the nature of that particular relationship. There have been guys I dated I just couldn't trust, and with good reason. Needless to say those didn't last long.

The only thing about the OP's scenario that I'd question is why, if her BF was going out with another male friend and the female friend, why wouldn't she (the OP) be included? That raises some questions. Perhaps she was invited but didn't say?

In any case, it would help a girlfriend to get to know her boyfriend's friends. If a suspicious girlfriend forms a friendship with her boyfriend's female friend it might might ease her mind. Either that or find out she's actually trying to break them up!
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 117 (view)
 
Stupidest thing you've ever seen..?
Posted: 1/18/2008 10:43:55 PM
ME.
Years ago on a sunny afternoon, (when I was in my 20's and got embarrassed more easily than I do now), I got all dressed up to go somewhere. I was wearing a low-cut top, high heels, and had fluffed up my hair rather radically (big hair back in the day - go figure), I was feeling very sexy and vainly enjoyed turning heads.

Feeling a little like Mary Tyler Moore, I daintily sprinted across the middle of a busy street not noticing the motorcycle cop coming straight at me. (This was in Vancouver where J-walking can be ticketed.)
He casually glided to a stop right behind me before I even got to the curb, and asked me to turn around to talk to him. I could feel my face flush with embarrassment and everyone watching as he gave me a lecture about J-walking.

After a good long lecture, and me feeling like I wanted to die on the spot, he let me off with a warning. I was so relieved to be on my way that I turned back toward the sidewalk and walked right into a parking meter.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Deleting Profile
Posted: 1/18/2008 8:16:47 PM
When I first joined up I got a BARRAGE of IMs and it really put me off. I've stuck around and go at my own pace now. Don't accept PMs (you can turn that off), and be clear in your profile that you need to get to know someone before even considering a meeting. You need to set the boundaries and control the pace. After you've tried it that way, if you still don't like it, leave...Yes, we are keeping you hostage!!! Just stick to your guns. Good luck!

Edit: It's true that you need to meet someone to really know what they're like. Online, a person can tell you anything at all. Perhaps it's just my age but I prefer to meet a person immediately if I feel a connection, that way I'm not investing a whole lot of time emailing back and forth only to find it's not going to work.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
What cracks you up?????
Posted: 1/17/2008 6:00:39 PM
My Dad cracks up my sister, Mom & me albeit unintentionally. He's 85 and has vascular dementia (a blockage of blood to the brain) so is slowly losing his memory & cognitive skills. Don't get me wrong, we aren't laughing at him, but if we didn't find humor in his words and actions we'd be a mess!

My sister has recently begun to record - for posterity - some of the things he's said or done. She recently emailed me this:

When mom and I bought purses and showed him, I said "look how smart some people are that they can make things like this" he replied, "and how stupid some people are that they buy them''

Gotta love it!
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
I took your advice, BUT
Posted: 1/16/2008 8:38:20 PM
As Karla said:

"...and doesn't respect you wishes to boot."


If this guy can't respect what you told him, he's not respecting you. If someone's still acting that desperate after being told I would move on.

As far as long-term potential, how long have you known him? This type of behavior can be interpreted as more than just needy, sometimes people like this end up to be stalkers or control freaks. I'm not trying to scare you but please be aware that this might not be as good as it seems to you.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
What cracks you up?????
Posted: 1/16/2008 6:58:04 PM
Google "Italian Spiderman"
It's on youtube & ebaumsworld
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
A Strange Obscure Message
Posted: 1/16/2008 6:53:00 PM
Sorry, don't mean to hijack but...

Reminds me of years ago when living in what I think was a haunted apartment...(my room mate's bedroom was upstairs and I'd hear her come home and walk around above me but as it turned out she wasn't there. After a few weeks of this she told me virtually the same thing - she thought I'd come home and heard me downstairs but I wasn't there.

Anyways, one day when I was alone the phone rang. I picked it up and heard, honestly, what sounded like a voice from hell! It sounded like it was saying my name and there was some static. It abruptly stopped, but I didn't hear any 'click' like the receiver being put back down. Not too much scares me but after I hung up I high-tailed it out of the apartment because I knew if it rang again I'd scream!

True story!
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Cuddle/snuggle parties
Posted: 1/14/2008 6:13:18 PM
A few reasons this sounds like a bad idea:
Bad Breath
Body odor
Dirty hair
Having to touch the old fat guy
Having the old fat guy touch me
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 157 (view)
 
Independent woman seeks....
Posted: 10/14/2007 11:11:07 PM
Geez Louise!

It's getting more like a cat fight in here than two common brown (or blue) eyed independent women (or who just claim to be) fighting for a hostile corporate takeover because they think they can SCARE - and they know best - all the men to death to make it an all-female company!

It's just a word guys. I don't know where you meet these horrible sad creatures but maybe you should consider moving to San Francisco. Us wimmin folks here is pritti easygoin and folks dont have no rukuses over nuttin like that. iffen y'all duz make it here puleez dont holla at me - i is akshaly kwite pees-able!

And I thought this was going to be an intelligent debate between adults - oops, LOL, giggle giggle, silly old me!

I'm out of here. Have fun.

Kiss-Kiss!
W.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 153 (view)
 
Independent woman seeks....
Posted: 10/14/2007 8:40:35 PM
Bohnbones,

I believe I understand where you're coming from. Of course there's a good chance that women who make the statement you're reading are targeting men; here on POF us straight people are going to be addressing the opposite sex. But there may be other reasons women feel they want to verbalize it, one could be because of a number of posts men have written here about women who expected them to pay for everything all the time. There could be valid reasons that make perfect sense I'll never think of.

One reason could be pride. Maybe they've just lived through a divorce they didn't expect and learned they actually could take care of themselves, earn wages and live on their own. Some people become terribly dependent on their mates to the point where they don't feel like a complete person unless they have a partner.

I think it's only human for both men & women to feel scared of facing the world on their own if they've been together for a long time, but it's unhealthy to be so dependent on someone else you can't stand on your own two feet. Some of my Mother's friends didn't even know how to write a check, balance their bank accounts, or even how much their mortgage was after their husbands died!

If you've experienced a lot of b*tchy or man-hating women making their independence statements in person maybe it's hard to get their venomous attitudes out of your mind. It's hard to know just in what light a person is saying something when you're reading and not actually hearing the way they express it. Just as a lot of people come across as stuck-up because of their insecurities, maybe the uber-feminists are actually afraid of being alone and unwanted so it's a self-defense mechanism? (I'm playing psychiatrist here!)

It would sound awfully strange to hear a man state he's independent because men have always been expected to be just that, as well as take care of their homes and families, particularly the finances. On the other hand, women of that earlier generation (wasn't so long ago), women's 'lot in life' was to cook, clean, take care of kids, do laundry, dishes, etc., etc. We weren't even allowed to vote - Yikes! It was a big breakthrough when we were actually allowed to have office jobs instead of a domestic position.

But we all know those stories. I'm sure that most men probably *don't* give being independent a second thought, but a lot of women obviously do, for whatever various reasons. Please don't assume just because it conjures up something negative for you that every woman says it for exactly the same reasons, or that it means they're obviously some kind of b*tch!

It's nice to think there are many men out there who might want to take care of me, but as independent as I am, I also love taking care of the man in my life. It's a two-way street - but having your own interests and being able to pursue them makes a relationship so much richer. I don't believe you bring much to a relationship if your life revolves around someone elses'. There's nothing wrong with traditional roles if both people are happy with that, but I doubt all women long to stay home and dust knick-knacks.
(I sure don't)

I'm sure it seems I've gone off-topic, but I'm bringing all of this up because a few guys are having a hard time understanding the "Statement of Independence", but apparently trying. I'm putting it into historical context because the not-so-distant past has definitely had an influence. Our parents were raised in a very different world which had in turn affected us. Even if girls' mothers told them they could grow up to be Doctors, Lawyers or soldiers, we just saw them dusting. Of course I'm not talking about every single woman out there but even as a child you observe other families lifestyles and Moms of that time were usually homemakers. When kids see most people living a certain way it has an influence on how they envision their own role as an adult, like it or not.

Everyone makes assumptions at times but I'd like to point out that no one can know what know what's in someone else's head. You said "...target audience is men. They either don't read it, read it and don't care, or read it and draw their own conclusions to what it means, which many times is negative."

I'm impressed! Quick ~ what am I thinking right now?! ;-)

Please don't assume just because the "Statement of Independence" conjures up something negative for you that every woman says it for exactly the same reasons, or that it means they're obviously some kind of b*tch!

Would you think very highly of someone who judged you solely on a phrase you carelessly tossed out (or wrote) without giving much thought to it or having a reason contrary to their assumption, and they instantly sized you up as womanizing a55hole because of it?!

Everyone 'pidgeon-holes' people they don't know and I'm guilty of it myself, but next time I do it, I hope to remember writing this 'sermon' and give myself a slap in the head!

Peace,
Wanda.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 150 (view)
 
Independent woman seeks....
Posted: 10/14/2007 4:16:37 PM

I see it as a trade off.. You can enjoy your independence, but you miss out on love. Or you can have love, but sacrifice your independence.


bohnbones,

Just wondering why you think you have to sacrifice one for the other? I don't understand...
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 149 (view)
 
Independent woman seeks....
Posted: 10/14/2007 4:10:53 PM
Raven!


I say "independant" because I want to make it clear I am not looking for anyone to support me financially. I have my life.... I'm happy with my life... I don't "need" a man to be happy. I would like to share my life... but in the past I have come across men who want to run my life...not going to happen. I like my autonomy, but see interdependance as something also desirable.

Maybe there is an element of defensiveness there, which I think comes from being in a generation that is sort of "between", by that I mean a lot of men my age still have a lot of the old-fashioned idea that the man is head of the household... it's a matter of upbringing and generational stuff. But it's a concept I don't live by, and can not accept. I've been my own boss for far too long to ever abandon that. Compromise is a different issue. The world has changed so much, so fast, and roles are kind of up in the air right now. It's a difficult adjustment for all. And communication isn't always clear.


That sums it up perfectly! I do believe a sense of defense comes into play, on both sides.
Speaking of which, there is an overabundance of defensiveness here...hehehe... (on POF). Sometimes it feels as though everyone's just waiting to attack each other, and this is a dating site!

Compromise is key. Not all men are the same and not all women are the same and thank GOD for that! 'Roles' in a relationship should be whatever works for the two in it. At this point in time (society) men & women are trying to figure out how to be equal and we never will be. I suck at math but I'm an excellent artist; my roomate's highly astute and dynamic at managing people but he can't spell worth a damn. I'll never be able to bench 100, and I'll bet my next 'boyfriend' won't be able to do needlepoint. (Well, you never know) Some people will get paid less than they deserve and some will be paid more than they're worth. Life just isn't always fair. It's time to treat people as individuals, with all of their flaws, instead of seeing gender, sexual orientation, race, religious differences, etc. as being a great divide. It's in being different that we achieve balance.

Did I just go off on a rant?!

I guess what I'm trying to say is, we're here to find a good fit with another person, and it seems an awful lot of us end up... well, actually taking out frustrations from past relationships on each other! It's actually kinda funny when you think about it.

Maybe it's therapeutic...
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 145 (view)
 
Independent woman seeks....
Posted: 10/14/2007 2:54:48 PM
OP,

With no malice intended, unless you've had a sex change you really can't know what it's like to grow up female. Not that it's at all a bad thing (*I* like it!), but sometimes we get treated as though we can't do things for ourselves or handle our own problems. Of course not all men treat women as children but there are some who do just that. I don't particularly like it when women are so fiercely independent they go overboard in stating it, but perhaps some might want to lay some ground rules. Perhaps they get involved with the wrong guys for them and end up feeling smothered, controlled or babied. Or...maybe some are cynical man-haters. (Leave those ones for someone else!)

All of us (men & women) are different, have varying temperaments, and like to be treated according to our personalties instead of being lumped in as one of "The Other Sex -- and who really understands them anyways?!" Generally I would hope that women who state their independence would still appreciate the common courtesy of having a door held open, having a dinner paid for or just having someone worry about them if they're late. Those are all the same things I would afford *any* human being whether I knew them well or not.

I once dated a guy who would hold me back from crossing the street until he thought it was safe! Something like that can drive a grown person crazy.

By your post it sounds as if *you* may be a little intimidated by an independent woman.


sometimes a strong woman can be attractive at times, IF she's fun to be around.


You don't say what you mean by 'strong', but the way you phrased that sounds as though you'd rather be in control. Nothing wrong with that just find someone who enjoys being more dependent on you.


But, it kinda gets old when some of these women throw around, "Men are intimidated by an indepdent woman" I have a hard time believing that, because they don't intimidate me that's for sure.


Now you are the one 'throwing around' a statement that's just the opposite! If independent women really don't intimidate you why even bother bringing it up?

Again, said honestly and without malice.

Cheers,
Wanda.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Stupidest thing you've ever seen..?
Posted: 10/12/2007 11:01:18 AM

It was a dog that would constantly run into walls


suicide by wall?
Maybe it didn't like it's owner...I've seen cats do this when chasing invisible prey but never a dog!

NateC - Thanks for the info!
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Most despised household chores
Posted: 10/12/2007 3:10:28 AM
I was going to say the same thing as dbndon, I'm amazed that people still iron things! I can't think of a single item of clothing I have that needs ironing! Unless you iron bedsheets...?
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Stupidest thing you've ever seen..?
Posted: 10/12/2007 2:37:13 AM
A woman wearing a tea cozy (the thing you cover a teapot with to keep it hot) on her head. I'm sure she thought it was a hat but wouldn't she have wondered why it had openings on each side (for spout & handle), maybe she thought it was to put your ears through if they got too warm?
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Frying Steak
Posted: 10/12/2007 1:34:27 AM
Good tips on frying steak *properly* OP, don't forget to use tongs and not a meat fork when turning (once only!)
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
grouse recipes
Posted: 10/12/2007 1:24:01 AM
My Mom has a recipe for grouse in a sour cream sauce. Sour cream seems to lend itself well to wild game. My Dad would go shooting grouse and I'd watch him gut them. He'd show me their stomach contents which were mainly leaves as I recall.

Anyways, I digress! The recipe had mushrooms in it and the grouse was simmered in the sauce. It was one of my favorite dishes.

If that sounds like something you'd like to try I can get the recipe for you.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Your Best Crying Scene?
Posted: 10/1/2007 1:50:30 AM


"The Departed" is a "A State of Grace" rip off! I just could not enjoy it.


Mm, no, The Departed is a remake (gag) of Infernal Affairs. Oh how I loathe remakes...

Uh but so I'm not too off topic... well virtually the entirety of the movie A.I. had me pretty choked up, same with Grave of the Fireflies. Ah and the end of City of Angels (the 1998 one, not the terrible Crow sequel), especially the first time when I didn't know it was coming - that was depressing.


Hmmm, I need to see "The Departed" again! It might not have been a direct remake but I'm sure "The Departed" was the movie that made me think they ripped off "State of Grace" in some way. Maybe the style?

Funny you should say you hate remakes. Did you know that "City of Angels" is a rendition of the Wim Wenders masterpiece "Wings of Desire"? Wim Wenders co-authored the screenplay. In my opinion that was a much better film.

Sorry this is definitely way off topic!

Now back to our regular schedule...
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 65 (view)
 
If you could invite 3 people to dinner
Posted: 9/29/2007 10:30:35 PM
Ed Witten to understand more about string theory
Flavor Flav because he's insanely annoying and entertaining
Anyone involved in the Philadelphia Experiment that is now deceased so they could talk about it!
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 139 (view)
 
Pick up techniques on women
Posted: 9/29/2007 9:36:25 PM
We're all entitled to our opinions so I'm not going to further engage you on this but don't post things like:

"I can show you a new world, we can start with your spelling, if you'd like. I mastered more than some people at the age of 40yrs old :0),"

when your own spelling and grammar) are lacking!

No, I'm not going to reread all your posts to point out your mistakes but there are way too many errors to simply be 'typos'.

I stand corrected. You're here for friends.
Honestly, I wish you the best. It seems you have made some friends here!

I suppose I have lowered my 'value' even more now...Waaahhhh! :-(
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
For anyone who has lost...
Posted: 9/28/2007 3:43:58 AM
This may get moved but *I* think it's in the right place! Originally written for women, (I added the parentheses) it has validity for anyone.

Comes The Dawn

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman (man), not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn.

Author: (apparently) Veronica A. Shoffstall but widely considered "Unknown"
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 131 (view)
 
Pick up techniques on women
Posted: 9/28/2007 2:46:56 AM
I must admit that before I posted the above I hadn't read all posts int heir entirety.

OP, I have now read all of your posts, and while I didn't see any problems at all with this interesting thread, I am now seeing you in an entirely different light.


Women pulls all types of BS on men. They will deny it. There is where the advice comes "just be yourself". Lets say a guy walks up to a girl, buys some drinks, has a nice chat... this guy appears to be really nice and sweet. the time comes to ask for the number, he ask for it... but she says... "I don't know... I don't know you to well"(this would be a test) what if htis guy gets mad??? Now you can tell he's not as sweet as he was at first. He's incongruent with his personality, he's not who he appears to be.

Or an example deangelo talks about... If you go to far with the humor and actually offend her, and she feels insulted. She says something like "I think i am going to go if you keep on acting like that" his reply is "don't let the door hit you on the way out." You have to call her bluff. I have litereally with some hot girls, just...straight up told them." I am not in to your games, I am not one of those little kids you can manipulate, so i highly recommend you cut the crap" What will this esculate to??? more than likely an argument. Sure you get in to the little argument, then I say something like... "seriously, It's no point in arguing like this, if you want to talk than we can talk, something great might come form this" Completely changes her mental state... from negetive to positive. Who's in control????? "ME!" Who's in control when they say "don't let the door hit you onthe way out??" Ask yourself "what is control???" high value which = attractive. I am not saying "oh i am so sorry i offended you, please don't go" you're begging her to stay... which will lower your value.

You watch too much TV, are too concerned about this topic, and seem to think "one size fits all", as well as think that men need to have control or that you 'obviously' do.


If a girl was highly unattractive, would my approach work on them???????? the unattractive ones would tell me to f*ck off.. cause I am too arrogent/cocky/full of myself. But the questoin here is... what is attractivness??? it's actually a self image of yourself. An unattractive girl can respond as good as the attractive ones. An a attractive girl can respond like an unattractive girl. the only difference, is how they see themselves. that's where people say "every girl is different"

You're talking about confidence. Quit with the "attractive"/"highly unattractive" bull, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.


Took him 30 minutes to get these type of picutres that where half naked. Funny thing, I was talking to her, in 3 minutes, I got better picture in 3 minutes than he got in 30. I didn't appreciate her company, and I just told her "have a good day, take care" I am not making a big deal out of the pictures or this girl. But what i am saying, is the differnce in success... i know she's a slutty. But that's not the message.

Yes, you're the ultimate. So, why are you here?


You can walk up to a warpig of a woman. and say "hi how you're doing" in her mind she'd think "omg this guy is talking to me wooo hoooo" Go up to a gorgeous woman, say "hi how are you doing" first thought is "he juust likes me for my looks, going to shut him down"

AND! You obviously know all about women too! So, my question again is, why ARE you here?
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 129 (view)
 
Pick up techniques on women
Posted: 9/28/2007 1:24:05 AM
OH! And I've been known to sit and watch and ponder about the right line to say to a guy I want to approach. So, am I being an a55 when I do that? Or simply trying, as a slightly insecure human being, to try and beat the odds of meeting someone nice...???
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 128 (view)
 
Pick up techniques on women
Posted: 9/28/2007 1:21:00 AM
Msg: 67: Canton Smith is an example of what *I* consider a pick-up line. It's doesn't necessarily have to be a ruse just to get someone in bed. If I'm that stupid that a 'line' is going to get me to have sex with someone, just shoot me now, please!

I can relate to the courage it can take to speak with a stranger you find really hot. The first thing you say can make it or break it. Of course you want things to go right. I would sincerely hope that most women would recognize a player with all the right lines and moves. BUT - a nice guy who's just trying to make an impression? Hell yeah, use whatever's going to get you into the ballgame and after that you can relax and be yourself.

Of course that's what most sane normal people hope for. Someone they can just be themselves with and relax.

So, I suppose what I'm trying to relate here is...who cares WHAT gets the conversation rolling? Not everyone that comes at you with a line is a player, and if they are, hopefully you're a smart enough woman to recognize the players from the nice guys who are really interested.
 neilalagel
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 70 (view)
 
body hair
Posted: 9/28/2007 12:56:27 AM

AlexSB: Besides, think of all the hot women in a salon...yikes

I'm thinking "40 Year-Old Virgin" + hot wax!
Bwahahahaha!
 
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