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 Author Thread: Drug abuse, alcohol abuse and food abuse....
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Drug abuse, alcohol abuse and food abuse....
Posted: 9/21/2006 10:29:17 AM

I heard the term food abuse today used as similar to how drugs and alcohol abuse are used. Is there really such a thing?



Yes, there is. While my ex was well on her way in her journey from 300 to 400 lbs, she finally told me why she ate like she did .... high fat, sugary, high calorie foods to the max .... She said she would eat until she "was in a stupor", and I'm sure it worked just like the habit a friend of mine had ... to drink until he could barely walk and then he'd fall asleep/pass out. Not the optimum way to handle the stress of life.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
New girl in town
Posted: 9/11/2006 3:45:15 PM
Apparently, it's not all that uncommon for people to communicate over the internet, and then meet over long distances. You might want to try that. Write to the Edmontonians and tell them Calgarian jokes, and then write to the Calgarians and tell them Edmontonian jokes. Their rivalry is funny! (I was a Calgarian for a while)

If I had more disposable income I'd probably be more likely to travel to meet women, too. When I was 22 I met a girl and went out with her a couple times, and then she moved to another city. I kept in touch with her, though, and after several months she moved back so we could be close. We were married for 20 years, and the early years were especially great.

Or, there's always "Mail Order Grooms"! A guy I know in the Colorado mountains just got his 2nd mail order bride, and apparently it's going well for them. The fact that the first one gained US citizenship and then left him didn't seem to discourage him from it.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 53 (view)
 
3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 9/11/2006 1:08:28 PM
Not true for me. I'm not in a huge hurry, and I want know that there's potential for something long-term before jumping into something which is that emotionally bonding. I find that the deep heart-level feelings I tend to get after intimacy like that tend to blind me to things in the relationship that may get very hard to manage after a few years.

Plus, if I'm not fairly sure I want to pursue the relationship longer term, I don't want the woman to get all warm and fuzzy about me, or fall in love with me or start hearing wedding bells, which intimacy can definitely bring on. I don't want to hurt any woman, and that's a very easy way to do it. I'm all for getting married again, but my first marriage taught me that things can look very, very good before a marriage, and later you can find out that the future was not at all what you'd hoped for. One danger is being blinded by too much intimacy too soon. I'd rather get to be friends with a woman first. Of course, if she jumps on me wearing lingerie, (or anything else ... or lack thereof...) my good intentions are likely to weaken fast.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
What's the right thing to do? Re:On-line dating protocol
Posted: 9/7/2006 6:55:30 AM
I would prefer to have a woman tell me exactly why she's not interested, and to have her be totally honest and up front. I'd like to know if it's something I wrote in my profile (perhaps my lust for world domination), or my 1 1/2 cents of humor, or my looks (she may fear that I'll scare small children and cats), or even the fact that I carry a small stuffed kangaroo with me everywhere I go. If I know what made her turn away, then maybe I can do something about it to improve and have better success in the future …. unless the problem is my carrying the stuffed kangaroo, which I find I am powerless to change.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Guyz Is something wrong here?????
Posted: 9/6/2006 3:34:01 PM
I would think that there are ways to have a satisfactory time with him, in the area of romance and physical affection. I mean, if a lesbian can satisfy her female partner, surely a man with diabetes could do the same thing. I don't know what his options are, or if there's any way he can have an "O", but I'm sure those things are easy to research on the web. They can install an internal pump that can pump a guy up, so to speak, or an implant, as was mentioned.

People handle frustrations over physical limitations very differently. I worked with a guy who was paralyzed from the neck down and could barely move one hand. He probably had no ability to have (normal) sex at all. But he never complained about anything, and was the most cheerful, upbeat, quick-with-a-joke guy in the whole office. It was great to be around him, and everyone liked him. But if he had been grumpy and fussing all the time, I'm sure people would have avoided him. He had been married for 20 years and seemed to have a happy wife and family.

I don't like to be around grumpy, complaining people, so that would be a deal-breaker for me. Maybe you should tell him what a pain his griping is, and ask him to cool it. It's just a bad communication/attitude habit that some people get into, and they can certainly get out of it if they're sufficiently motivated. Maybe try to motivate him.

Someone that "REFUSES to take care of himself properly" would also be a deal-breaker for me. If they refuse to do that, I'm going to refuse to join my life with theirs. I've REALLY been there, and done that, and it was truly awful! A person who slowly destroys themselves by lack of self control or motivation, can get very frustrated and mad at themselves, and then naturally end up being mad at you all the time, too .... and as they get more desperate, they get more harsh and radical in their responses to you. That was, in my mind, the main thing that destroyed my marriage, because my wife got that way. In the end, after I had tolerated her severe weaknesses and resulting inabilities for many years, she had almost no tolerance for me. I think most of it was frustration about her own self-inflicted problems. She refused to take care of herself, and had a heart attack in her mid-forties. Now she seems to have more motivation, but it's terrible that it had to come to that.

 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 18 (view)
 
True love... real life or fairy tale?
Posted: 8/31/2006 3:08:32 PM
Yes, absolutely. I've experienced true love, I want it again, and I believe I will find it again. That being said, I have a lot of other good things in my life and don't have an abundance of spare time, so I'm not in a huge hurry and won't be disappointed if it takes me a while.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
intimate encounter? how about removing it
Posted: 8/29/2006 1:42:50 PM
I would have done that religiously had it not been worded in such a misleading way. I knew for sure that I had never wanted an "intimate encounter", therefore I had never contacted anyone as a means of looking for an "intimate encounter". So, it seemed very clear to me that I had never "contacted anyone looking for an intimate encounter".

I just looked, and the feature in your profile that you can put a check mark on is: "Block users from making first contact that have messaged others for sex or intimate encounters". Well, I've Definitely never "messaged others for sex or intimate encounters", so why am I blocked?

I think it used to actually be LESS misleading, because I think it used to say, ""Block users that have messaged others looking for sex or intimate encounters". Either way, it's still unclear and misleading, and is not a benefit to the success of the POF web site. It's a detriment.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
intimate encounter? how about removing it
Posted: 8/29/2006 1:23:06 PM
Yes, Please remove it. Please??

I am definitely NOT, and never have been, looking for or wanting an "intimate encounter". That has always been on my profile to make sure people know that. But according to POF, if I have ever sent a note to someone that is, that means I am too. Not good logic, not reasonable, and not true.

I have messaged lots and lots of people on a purely platonic basis, to ask a question or advice or try to help them after they expressed some problem in the Forums. I write to people to ask about working out, about other health issues, or I write to them if they have a particularly personal problem that I feel I can help them with. If I don't have time or a constant mental vigilence about the "intimate encounter" thing, so that I go over each person's profile with a fine-toothed comb, and don't notice (or care) what exact type of relationship they're looking for, suddenly I'm blocked from contacting lots and lots of people??

Plus, most people who get blocked like that would not have committed the infraction had they realized they would be blocked by it. Plus, it will soon teach those who ARE looking for intimate encounters to just lie on that part of their profile. Plus, it is worded in a misleading way, and I thought for some time that it meant the person who committed the infraction had contacted someone saying, "Hey, how about an intimated encounter", and got blocked that way. I didn't worry about that blocking criterium, because I had never done that.

I think that is a poor and misleading feature, and should be eliminated.

Please?? If not, why not?

James
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 51 (view)
 
How to win a ladys heart?
Posted: 8/28/2006 2:26:14 PM
Far be it from me to presume to know such profoundly hidden mysteries.

Like the guy who was granted one wish from a Genie, and asked for a highway to be built for him from California to Hawaii. The Genie said, "Nope, that's way too hard. Ask for something else". So the guy said, "OK, then, my new wish is to grant me the ability to understand women."

The Genie said, "Umm, how many lanes did you want that highway?"

nyuk, nyuk!
I know .... old joke.


To the original post I'd say when the lady takes sees her final cards, and lays her heart on the table, a man should not look at her too much, or show undue excitement. Then, he should either say, "I call", and place a bet of similar value, or say, "I see your heart, and I raise you $100.00.", which is even better. (In Texas Hold'em, go for the the "I'm all in", and slide all your chips to the center.) Assuming you have a worthy hand, you will hopefully win her heart when you lay your cards on the table.

... and the moral of the story:
Lay all your cards on the table.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
why do people always take every thing...
Posted: 8/24/2006 2:04:15 PM
O.P. -- You wrote:


... everytime it comes out wrong, you'd think just for once in my pethetic weary little existance something would go right.

but that's what i guess happens when you never want the bad to happen. i always expect the worst and the worst isnt even the worst, its a piece of it. the biggest part of all the bad comes ...


By your negative outlook, and expecting the worst, you are actually causing the worst to happen every time .... causing yourself to see everything in a negative light and keeping yourself from being happy. Try expecting the best, and being grateful for all the great things in your life that you ought to be thankful for. Your outlook creates your reality and everything in your life.

You live in California in the 21st century. One thing you can be positive and thankful about is that you're probably in the top 2 percent of the most comfortable, rich, and surrounded-by-luxuries people who have ever lived. Stop complaining and it will get better.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 195 (view)
 
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/18/2006 2:35:04 PM
Steven,

Your original post brought tears to my eyes. Oh, man! My deepest condolences and empathy over this incredibly awful experience you're enduring. Wow ... life can REALLY throw some hard-balls sometimes. But you NEED to not allow yourself the luxury of a negative thought right now -- like, "who would want to meet a guy this ****ed up?"

Actually, a lot of people, including myself, would like very much to meet you right now. I would like to invite you to hang out with my friends and me, have a beer, watch movies, go to hear some live music, maybe meet a few women. If I still lived in Calgary I would. And as for romance, women are usually more compassionate and caring than men, and the hearts of MANY women would go out to you more now than ever before in your life. Let them in ... let them show you sympathy and love .... they want to. Women are built for nurturing.

I'm SSSOOO sorry about your pain. Work through it. It will get better and better. In case you don't know it, you're lucky to live in Calgary ... what a cool place. (but maybe a little TOO cool at times ... 25 below comes to mind) I moved there when I was a little kid and back here in high school. I didn't want to leave, and I've missed it ever since.


EDITED: Steven, I just now saw your post 3 notes up, and I was really encouraged. I think you are handling this very well, and I want to congratulate you. Way to go, man.

 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 45 (view)
 
i will never beable to get over this one...
Posted: 8/18/2006 2:08:10 PM
You can certainly get over it ... it just depends on your outlook. You will also be stronger because of this, and you can definitely arrive at a place much better than you would have been in with old what's-his-face. As unbelievably hard as this is for you, I think you should be thankful that you found out now what an unkind jerk that guy is, rather than 10 or 20 years down the road. You have your whole life in front of you, and if you try you can find a guy who's 100 times better. Keep your chin up and press on. Life will be much better for you AND your new baby without an uncaring guy like that around. I feel very sorry for Danielle ... it does not look good for her future ... not with a man like that. Don't you KNOW she's in for some rough times, too!

Life can be intensely hard at times, but you often find out later that those were some of the best things that have happened to you. Remember that when, in the future, you're with a truly loving man who is devoted to YOU and doesn't jump ship just because another girl comes along.

My heart goes out to you.

 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 320 (view)
 
What sends shivers down your back?
Posted: 8/16/2006 4:31:15 PM
Fingers dragged as lightly as possible across my skin.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 90 (view)
 
short and bald, will I ever date again?
Posted: 8/16/2006 12:07:24 PM
Nope, game's over, clearly you'll never be able to get another date in your whole life! LOL No, far from it! You think Danny DeVito and the George Costanza actor feel like no woman would ever date them? I doubt it. And it's not just about being rich and famous, it's about their personality and inner strength that drove them to become successful in what they pursued.

I have a friend whose wife is more sexy, sweet, and fun than the wife of any other guy I know, and he's not much over 5 feet tall, and he's prematurely bald. (incidentally, that's usually caused by high testosterone) But he's very Funny, confident, hardworking, friendly and outgoing. Therefore, he's done VERY well in finding a desirable mate. Not many tall, full-head-of-hair guys have done as well. Besides, lots of women think bald is sexy (ie.- Captain Pickard). I agree with the guy a couple of posts up who said, "Shave the rest off".

Plus, there are LOTS of women all over the world who know they're far from perfect, and would LOVE to be courted and loved by almost any fairly decent guy, regardless of looks. Try meeting and dating some women in wheelchairs - you'll always be taller than them, and it's highly unlikely that they'll reject you just 'cause your bald. Plus they'll be more receptive and appreciative than most, because they may not have had a lot of guys pursuing them.

I know another guy who's older (50's or 60's), very fat, short and bald, and he recently got a 26 year old mail order bride from the Phillipines who is absolutely beautiful and seems as sweet and loving as any girl I've met. I felt envious the last time I was around them both, because she was all over him like flies on you-know-what! Start saving your pennies!

If you had a profile with some pictures it would help ... obviously. Then when you contact women, try your best to be funny and entertaining, and try not to give a rip whether they like you or not. And stop asking stuff like, "Is there any hope at all?", unless you want women to think you're a negative pessimist and a bummer to be around. That's a far bigger roadblock than being short and bald.

But I'm sorry you've been feeling discouraged ... keep your chin up, and GO for it!

 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Long Distance Relationships... doomed to fail?
Posted: 8/11/2006 9:33:18 AM
I went out with a very sweet and beautiful lady a couple of times, and then she moved to another town an hour and a half away and I abandoned all hope. Then I went out in the back yard and ate worms. Later, when the worms started to adapt and fight back, I gave up my new lifestyle and rejoined modern society. A while later it occured to me that she came to Denver once a week, so I could see her briefly during the day. . So, I would take her to lunch and leave cards and flowers on her desk, and stuff like that. I even made the long drive to the frozen North to take her out a few times.

Lo and behold, not long after that she had a chance for a job transfer and decided to come back to denver so she could be around me more. It was awesome, and a couple of years later we got married, had 2.3 kids, adopted 1.6 dogs, and spent a couple of decades together. But she gained 250 lbs, became seriously incapacitated, got hooked on prescription drugs, and was slowly killing herself through overeating. After struggling through some serious soul-searching, I decided I would definitely not leave her or cheat on her, ... but I did have a very hard time with what she was doing to herself. Finally, we drifted apart and no longer had much in common,. Plus, she needed a serious change, so she asked me to move out 2 1/2 years ago and then filed for divorce.

So, my conclusion is, Yes, long distance relationships are doomed to fail ... and in my experience it was 100% of the time! No, actually the distance had nothing to do with it, but if she hadn't come back to Denver I seriously doubt we would ever have gotten married, because I don't think we would have been able to get to know each other well enough. Even still I look back and think I didn't really know her well enough when we did marry.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Why are women so afraid of a Man that is serious about commitment?
Posted: 8/9/2006 12:07:30 PM
"Once Bitten Twice Shy", baby ...

I love that song. I think most of us who have had a marriage blow up in our face think, "Why didn't I see the potential problems before we got married?" Lots of reasons ... infatuation and physical desires blind you to shortcomings ... the good seems so good that we see the bad as neglible ... etc. .... etc. ... It makes us more cautious when considering another commitment.

Plus, nothing will push a woman away as fast as a guy who's all 100% enthused and in a (perceived) hurry to commit. If you don't understand that, you need to learn it, because that is HUGE when it comes to women's feelings. Not as huge with men, but still there.

To the Orig. Poster - I think you should work at gaining a better understanding of how women think. First of all, just take it slower, and be honest with yourself about potential pitfalls. Also, try to become one of those guys that women find especially attractive. It took me 40 years to understand how important that is.

 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 62 (view)
 
If you Met Online, do you tell People that?
Posted: 8/9/2006 11:32:20 AM
I think I'd just say that we met at an "Irritable Bowell Syndrome" seminar or something like that. Of course, there's always MMA ("Mass Murderers Anonymous") meetings, or CBA (Constant Burpers Anonymous) sponsorships.

Actually, I really don't give a rip what anybody thinks of me anymore, so I have no qualms about saying we met online or while dumpster diving, or whatever. I welcome the chance to have someone reject me or think poorly of me for shallow reasons. If they're that shallow it's certainly their own problem, not mine, and I have no interest in catering to it.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 52 (view)
 
What would you have done?
Posted: 8/4/2006 11:07:10 AM
oops ... double post
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 51 (view)
 
What would you have done?
Posted: 8/4/2006 10:57:27 AM
Orig. Post:

It's so much better in every way to be real with people, and honest, and tell them the truth ... stuff like that. You left him guessing, BIG Time! That's a lot rougher on a guy (even cruel) than just saying, "I'm not really thrilled about the Fonzie look. Could you save that for your motorcycle buddies?" That's what I would have said, if I had cared. But clothes and hairdo's don't mean that much to me, so I probably wouldn't have cared.

It's hard for me to understand things like that being insurmountable problems. To me, some people come across like, "I went out with this girl, and ... OMG! She had a purse with ZIPPERS instead of SNAPS!!!! I could NOT believe it!! So, of course, I didn't tell her .... Naturally, I just excused myself and snuck out the bathroom window ... and blocked her e-mails!"

C'mon, now. Wouldn't you want to be told the truth?? ... so you could use a different purse next time?

Fortunately, I don't have to worry about being evaluated like that ... I always carry purses with snaps.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Help me move on please!!!
Posted: 8/4/2006 10:17:58 AM
Lisa,

You need to fight your natural tendency to get bummed about the things you lost. You HAVE to consciously force yourself to stop thinking like that, and focus on the things that you have to be grateful and happy about -- like the fact that you can see, you can walk, you have enough food to eat, and all those basics that most of us take for granted. Think of the things you didn't like about the past relationship, and consider how great it will be when you get busy and find some men who don't act like that.

I recently lost a 20 year marriage to my best friend, and I liked most things about the relationship, so I can relate. If I start thinking negatively ... like, about what I've lost, what she did, or any kind of regrets, I will start crying within a minute or two, and it can easily ruin my whole day. But I just doggedly REFUSE to let that stuff drag me down, because there are SSOOOO many other incredibly great things about life. I'm focusing my mind on those things, and I'VE remained quite happy and content through it all. If Plus, there are some awesome things about living alone that you just can't have when you're married or living together.

Think how you would feel if you'd been paralyzed from the neck down for the past few years, in a wheelchair with a blow-tube to steer it, and you just last week got back your full ability to move your arms and legs. Spend some time and REALLY THINK about how you would be feeling right now. You'd be so incredibly thankful and excited about that huge blessing, that the things which are getting you down now would seem insignificant. Better yet, you haven't ever been paralyzed at all, so you're even more fortunate! Then think about 100 more fantastic things about your life, and when you start getting negative, redirect your mind ... do something else, and MAKE yourself have a different outlook.
,


Works for me.

Keep your chin up!
 Danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Milk: People are starting to question it's health value...What's your opinion?
Posted: 7/28/2006 8:48:12 AM
I used to have a lot of sinus problems -- most likely sinusitus. Every day I'd have a few servings of milk, especially with cereal. My sinuses would hurt a lot, or get too dry or too stuffed up, and I thought it was the air pollution in Denver, or the dryness of the air.

Then one day a lady told me that she'd had sinus trouble, and it went away when she quit milk. I cut way down on milk and ice cream (kept eating cheese-type dairy products) and all my sinus trouble went away. I was amazed.

Now I might have a little milk or ice cream once a month or so, and it doesn't bother me unless I have it right before bed. My sinuses still have no problems, and I have less and less interest in milk.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 21 (view)
 
need thoughts on this
Posted: 7/19/2006 3:33:39 PM
You gotta watch that greener grass sydrome. That can be a killer. If you have it bad enough, you'll never be happy about any of the good things in your life. You'll always be thinking, Yeah, these things are "Good", but I wont be happy until they're all "Great".

And if they're "Great", you might not be happy because they could be "Awesome"!
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Whats wrong with laying my cards on the table?
Posted: 7/19/2006 3:20:40 PM
Nothing is wrong with it at all. I lay my cards on the table so that, if there is something about me that is a deal-breaker for her, I will know as soon as possible and not waste time. For me it's more about telling her what I'm like, rather than giving her a list of what she should be like. Hopefully I have enough insight and intuition to be able to tell what she's like. Plus I can ask her that stuff. The biggest deal-breaker for me is if she won't accept things about me or the way I live.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 114 (view)
 
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 7/19/2006 2:59:09 PM
It took years, but I finally got to the point where I didn't care much at all what other people thought of me. So now approaching women is pretty easy, and being rejected is nothing at all like the bummer it used to be. I think that's because I used to be more SELF-conscious, Self-concerned, self-centered, and all that other self-stuff.

Then, over 15 years ago I realized that there were a lot of people out there who needed help, encouragement, a friend, a joke, etc., and that I could actually provide these things for them. Then as I started doing it I realized that it made me feel much more happy and at peace when my focus and my intention in life was to help and love other people, and to treat others the way I like to be treated. I just felt so good and so fulfilled when I had that attitude toward others. It was a really huge, life-changing thing for me. Any shyness, self-consciousness, or lack of confidence just melted away, I guess because my goal with other people was not just all about ME anymore, so if they pushed ME away I really didn't care. It was incredible, especially because I didn't expect that side-effect at all.

Try it, you'll like it!
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 114 (view)
 
Guys over 30...do they even exist?
Posted: 7/19/2006 10:14:24 AM
Do they exist? Nope, they're most certainly a figment of the imagination!

Besides, I checked all around my yard and basement, and I couldn't find ANY!
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 121 (view)
 
Why don't you age?
Posted: 7/19/2006 10:10:04 AM
Good Jeans .... Calvin Klein or equal quality.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 207 (view)
 
What nationality [ethic background] are you?
Posted: 7/19/2006 10:03:58 AM
I'm a mutt. A mongrel ... a Heinz57. I'm English, Irish, Scottish, a few other ish'es, and native american. Yay for Hybrid Vigor!

Oh, and part canine.

Danceswithwolves
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 25 (view)
 
The Mother of all Wars?
Posted: 7/14/2006 8:01:59 AM
Evil Mutt:

I have read some about apocalyptic writing, which was developed to be highly symbolic and non-literal. Books like Revelation and Daniel were not intended to be taken literally, and every decade some folks write books about how it is being literally fulfilled, only to be proven wrong the next decade ... like, "The Late, Great Planet Earth". Revelation was written in the first century of Rome, about Rome, and the lives of Christians in Rome. If you want a search-item, the best scholars (in my opinion) refer to it as the Third Prederate (Preterate?) View of Revelation. Everything in the book points with metaphors and symbolic number references to Christians in 1st-century Rome .... check it out.

I'm not longer into the Bible much at all, but I used to be.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Any clues? Your thoughts please
Posted: 7/14/2006 7:44:36 AM
I think if you want your watch parts, and a clue about what happened, maybe you should keep trying to get in touch, but only about twice a week. If he gets tired of having you leave messages, maybe he'll pick up the phone and get real with you or give your watch parts back. I wonder if he hasn't had time to find the parts & is stalling …. ? … but I doubt it. Maybe in a few weeks his life-circumstances or his outlook will change and he'll make himself a little bit available. To me, his behavior is very rude, so why cater to that? I'd say be persistent until he stops hiding and being weird and will at least give you the time of day.

To me it just seems like a mistake for anyone to meet each other, and the next day start talking on the phone several times a day, etc. Most of us have a life already before someone new enters it, and then to suddenly become fused at the hip with them probably makes a lot of people nervous. They don't feel ready for that level of commitment and so they run away. I flat refuse to start off a new friendship with a woman with anything like that type of involvement & time commitment, mostly because I would totally expect 90 percent of the women to be completely driven away by that. Start out slow, and increase the pace slowly … give them space ... I know I need some space, and some time to do my chores.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 45 (view)
 
god i did not not realise i was such a fool
Posted: 7/13/2006 9:38:58 AM
To Funemerald: At first I thought your post was a little harsh when you wrote:
You know where you can put your remarks don't you. If you don't like americans get the hell out of the country and off the site. You and Allah. .... that message was for rammalammadingdong


But then I read his profile, and I wanted to re-post your post about 50 times. I'm at 1 so far.
What he says in his profile is:
I'm Islamic .... Middle Eastern ..... Are you a girl? A real human girl?
It would also be a big plus if you were an expert at working with high explosives.



To Rammalammadingdong:
Listen, man, (I don't know what else to call you without being obscene) ... if you're even remotely Islamic or Middle Eastern, you are without a doubt the biggest jerk I've seen on this site, and, having lived in NY City, I have a disgust for you and your comments that I am unable to put into strong enough words!! Your attitude displayed in your posts and profile is exactly what is causing the biggest destruction, heartache, sorrow and hatred between people in our world today!! Militant moooselims are screwing up so much in the world today and causing SO much death, destruction and despair, that it vastly overshadows any other problems that are going on anywhere!!

I suspect, however, that you are just some non-muslim .... guy ...... trying to make muslims look bad ... in that case your comments only serve to fuel hatred in the world, and to inflame and infuriate Muslims who at least have enough of a conscience to reject killing and maiming civilians as a way of serving some alleged loving god (Allah, in the Koran, is always followed by "the merciful, the compassionate") Makes a lot of sense to kill civilians every day in order to please "Allah, the merciful, the compassionate", doesn't it?

If you think you're funny, or helping in the fight against terrorists, I don't know how to tell you strongly enough that your kind of attitude is responsible for great destruction and bloodshed, and you're not helping a thing!! I think if you have a conscience at all, you will delete that profile now ... and if you are in fact middle eastern, please follow the advice of Funemerald! .... did you enjoy reliving the subway bombings in England on the one year anniversary the other day??? Please get yourself and your hate-inducing and war-promoting rhetoric away from here!!


To the MOD's -- sorry for the strong language, but OMG!!! Please delete that profile now if Rammalammadingdong hasn 't already done it. If I'm out of line, please let me know.

On Topic: Princess Leigh--Do you have any way to contact the scam-artist again, or track him down?? That sort of scam is pretty seriously illegal fraud, and the situation could be benefitted by a few cops showing up at his door!
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 31 (view)
 
god i did not not realise i was such a fool
Posted: 7/12/2006 4:30:25 PM
Hey Leigh,

Dont be mad at yourself. You were completely reasonable in your actions. How could you possibly have known??

Quite a while ago I started getting emails and pictures from a girl who was extremely beautiful, and sounded really sweet, and said she was moving to my town from Russia and needed a friend. We exchanged long e-mails for 2-3 weeks, and I felt like I really knew her. I was super excited to meet her, and felt like there was real potential.

Then I was extremely disappointed when I got the e-mail saying she was just a little short on funds for her plane ticket, and could I please just wire $800.00 or so to Russia so she could afford to come. I wrote back, asking for more verification, and of course I never heard from her (or him, or whoever) again. It was a real let-down, and I felt kind of stupid, but I still don't think we should blame ourselves for getting fooled at times like that.

Be thankful for the lesson, and that you didn't send the money! I was.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Sometimes it's hard to love someone
Posted: 7/12/2006 4:10:58 PM
Bubby.. wrote:


I WAS AN IDIOT!! Jeezus I should have held on for dear life! I should have done everything I could to be with her! I should have took the risk and appreciated every single second that I was with her!! Dipsh**!!


Hindsight's 20-20. I keep hoping I can just get my foresight to be that clear.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Its what is on the inside that counts...
Posted: 7/12/2006 3:11:28 PM
Joy wrote:

I have found that as I've gotten older what would have been physically attractive to me before may not be the case now. I find that unless he's just butt-f.ucking ugly, I will give him the opportunity for us to get to know one another so I can learn his personality and vice versa. Some people can become very attractive to you the more you get to know them....

My last boyfriend was notHing at all like the men I would normally date - in EVERY way but there was just something about him. He could make me laugh like no other, he had the kindest, most caring, gentle heart and his face would light up everytime he saw me. He mowed lawns for a living, did not have a car and lived in a small room off of someones garage. I have a huge gorgeous apartment on the golf course but the happiest times I've had in the past few years was in that tiny room with him. He had a mattress on the floor, one chair, a small television and a mini fridge. For months on end, I would leave work and go directly over there because he madE me soooooo happy and comfortable. I could have easily sold everything I owned and moved in there with him. He was the least materialistic person I have ever met. I learned a valuable lesson about myself and he did change my mind about alot of things that I thought I was looking for. I will always love him for that....


Best thing I've read in weeks! THat brought tears to my eyes. Not many beautiful women living in huge, beautiful apartments would have done that. I totally understand it, though, because I have similar friends who have next to nothing, or have certain odd ways, but I love to be with them because of their heart of gold.

Danceswithwolves.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 36 (view)
 
completely ignored first meeting...
Posted: 7/12/2006 1:21:05 PM
OP,

So, you were right there by her once or twice, but never said, Hi?? That might seem scary-weird to a woman. Why didn't you say something to her??

I'll bet she's posting a thread with the exact same complaint about you. "I couldn't believe it .... he stood behind me, after hanging around outside the bathroom waiting for me .... and NEVER said Hi!"

Actually, I'll bet she never knew it was you .... and when nobody approached her, she figured you weren't there.

How do you know she recognized you??
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 20 (view)
 
PHK Forums,,... should forums be eliminated?
Posted: 7/7/2006 8:45:28 AM
Now, on that note, has anyone participated in any 12 step programs to help with addiction and dependency to the Forums?


Oops .... double post...
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 19 (view)
 
PHK Forums,,... should forums be eliminated?
Posted: 7/7/2006 8:43:38 AM
I have been on chat rooms and forums where there are no rules, and the rudeness, name calling, etc., etc., can totally ruin what could be a good thing. I'm not the confrontational type, but I recall being cussed out with great intensity on other sites for some really minor stuff, and having to read horribly prejudiced, hateful stuff that even bordered on threatening violence to others. NO fun!

Therefore, I appreciate the rules that are upheld here, and I think the experience of reading and posting in these forums is top notch!!



YAY FOR THE POF FORUMS!!
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Unconditonal love? How can you put in an ad and expect to find it?
Posted: 6/30/2006 12:44:39 PM
I think great, loving friendships are simple ... and I'm not talking about romance, or necessarily man-woman relationships. It's not gender-specific. Care for other people, show them love and acceptance, and they will love and care about you in return. Do to others as you would have them do to you, and you will learn how to love others in a less conditional way. The more unconditional your love is for others, the more unconditional love will come back your way.

It's rare, so you won't have much competition. Learn to love and forgive others, have humor, and don't take life too seriously, and you won't be able to keep them away. It's amazingly simple.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Are girls really crazy?
Posted: 6/30/2006 11:37:02 AM
I wouldn't say girls are crazy.

But girls are definitely weird!



I got that from a T-shirt that said, "Boys Are Weird".


Girls don't interract like men do, so you have to take that into account in situations like yours. Before you write this girl off, if I were you I'd try to have a lot of involved communication about what's going on, and see if you two can arrive at an understanding.

She probably thinks you're just as weird as you think she is.
....
But everyone knows deep down that girls are weirder!

 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 86 (view)
 
What is the dream message you want to see in your inbox?
Posted: 6/29/2006 5:19:31 PM
I got the dream message. It was from a 27 year old Russian girl, very sexy picture, and she was looking for somewhere to move and start a life in the U.S. Everything about her seemed too good to be true, including her degree as a dentist, her very attractive attitudes toward American men, her aggreeable nature and her humility. She seemed like a very easy person to get along with. We exchanged a number of e-mails.

Two days before the day she had said she was coming from Moscow, she wrote and said she was a little short on funds for her ticket, and could I just wire her $1000.00 or so. Darn! Too good to be true all right. I asked her for some confirmation of things she'd told me, and she never wrote back. I get e-mail money scams on a regular basis.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Should I mention this?
Posted: 6/29/2006 4:37:34 PM
No, especially since your girl friend shared that with you in confidence. At least ask her how she feels about your bringing it up to him before you do it. She may have no problem with it.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 89 (view)
 
I am Marrying My POF find in 73 days.
Posted: 6/29/2006 3:59:06 PM
My parents divorced when I was 16. A few years later, my dad started to date a lady that he felt was far better than any of the others he had dated. They spent time together every day for a year. After that, on the day of their wedding, his new wife made a comment that revealed to me that she really didn't know him very well.

The marriage lasted exactly 2 months, and it was h.ell for both of them. My dad was amazed that he had been so wrong in what he thought this woman was really like. He felt deceived, and that the woman had been putting on an act. I've never known of a marriage to blow apart with such intensity. It was extremely rough on both of them.

I don't think I will move into a second marriage as fast as my dad did that time. Way too scary, and divorce is too painful.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
What is Love?
Posted: 6/29/2006 12:29:10 PM
It is a pity that the english language has only one word


Yep. The Greeks had several different words for different types of love:

eros - erotic romantic love

philo - ?spelling? - brotherly love (Philadelphia)

etc...

But the one that is the ultimate, is Agape, which means a decision to love someone unconditionally, not because of what the person means to you or what they do for you, or any feeling-based emotion. It is an objective decision to care for and seek good things for the other person, regardless of any other factor. This is the love you will need in yourself and your partner if you are going to stay together happily, long-term. It's also not easy to do considering human-animal-nature, which is to survive and prosper at all costs, and to look out solely for Number One". Any parent of a pre-schooler can tell you how selfish the raw human nature is.

I'm looking for a partner with the ability and commitment to give that type of love, and that is the type of love I want to give someone else. I had it once .... circumstances and life-changes messed us both up, but I know what it's like, and it's worth whatever it takes to get it ... and to give it.

I think the more you truly love others, the less fear you have ... of anything. I used to be fearful, nervous, or non-confident at times ... until I learned how to love. Now that stuff is essentially gone.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Need Opinions, is this too creepy?
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:12:26 PM
Go for it! Don't hesitate! No, it's not creepy ... it's flattering that you thought enough of her to make the effort.
...
Have you called her yet?? Get on it, dude!

But don't call her too often, or too many times. (once every few days, maybe?) If she's not interested, you'll probably know soon enough, and then you can stop calling her altogether. If you never try, you're just letting your inner wimp take over.

Incidentally, that's basically how I met my wife ... the first time I called her I had to explain how I got her phone number. We were happily married for over 10 years before some unfortunate circumstances started to drive us apart. But she was one of the very sweetest, most loving people I've ever known, and I would have missed out if I'd wimped out.

If the girl you're talking about has a sweet and loving heart, she won't be offended. If she does get offended, she's probably easily angered, and not easily satisfied, so just be glad you didn't end up with one like that long-term.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 31 (view)
 
How do I forgive him?
Posted: 6/28/2006 10:37:37 AM

But HOW do I get over the resentment of him leaving me and making me do this all on my own


I'm so sorry to hear of your painful situation. That's rough. We all have occasions where we need to get over resentment, not for the benefit of anyone else, but it's what WE need, or else we'll be miserable. I've struggled terribly with this problem before, and it was not easy. The thing that helped me, was to think hard about how imperfect I am, and how many times I've scr.ewed up royally, and that the person I'm resenting is no worse than me .... just different. Then do your best to love them from your heart, mostly because loving others is the best way to live, and the best way to be personally happy. Unconditional love is a decision to do things that may not come naturally, but the more you can love others unconditionally, the less stress, and the more happiness you will have.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 509 (view)
 
What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart??
Posted: 6/26/2006 3:26:15 PM
A friend of a friend once said, "Suicide is the single most selfish thing a person can do." It hurts, and often devastates the people they know, and especially those who care about them. That is the one reason I quickly dismiss the idea if it ever comes to mind.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 40 (view)
 
we recently met, fell in love, and he just told me he has cancer
Posted: 6/15/2006 9:09:18 AM
He should also look into the Macrobiotic Diet. It is from the far east, and is an especially healthy way to eat -- there is a wholistic cancer treatment guy in Boulder, CO who recommended this to my friends mom when she got cancer. I have a cookbook that is all macrobiotic dishes. There is a lot of brown rice and veggies in the cooking, and my friend said he never felt healthier when on it, and he couldn't sleep more than about 4 1/2 hours a night because he felt so rested and energetic.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
What do I do? Am I being selfish? Am I being used? Ugh.
Posted: 6/14/2006 1:41:58 PM
Move on. I'm sure you can do better.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 52 (view)
 
my parents will be pissed
Posted: 6/13/2006 11:20:48 AM
Kissme340,

I think writing them a well-thought-out letter is a great idea. It lets you say exactly what you want to, and not do the open mouth, insert foot thing. I think your main potential obstacle may be the old ploy used by some (foolish) parents who want compliance from children at all costs: "When you live in OUR house you'll do as WE say!"

Too bad those parents don't realize that the forced compliance in behavior creates rebellion in the heart, and ultimately makes the son or daughter only want the opposite of what their parents want. Hopefully your parents are a little more insightful than that.

If you do this, please share with us how it turned out.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
BIRD FLU? Should we prepare now? or just blow it off
Posted: 6/12/2006 3:42:17 PM
People in Denver are giving away birds at a mad rate. People who have a dozen or two chickens or ducks or even pet birds are putting them up on the internet for free all the time. I could have made chicken soup about 100 times by now if I were taking people up on the offers.

When you keep birds at home, there is always that chance that they will get infected by migratory birds and pass it on to you.
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Puking me out! Why?
Posted: 6/12/2006 2:42:06 PM
That only happened to me when I was pregnant. .... wait, I've never been pregnant .... and that's never happened to me ... and I've never kissed a guy.... I am sssoooo unable to relate to this one! After reading those lesbian posts I do think I might be a lesbian, though .....

Seems like it could be deep seated if you have had some pretty seriously bad experience(s) with the opposite sex. If so, read or talk about it more or get counseling. Or, possibly it could be just slight nervousness, in which case the cure would be to do it more and get over your nervousness by getting accustomed to it.

Speaking of which, I offer a reasonable service designed to help women become accustomed to kissing. Rates are ten cents for the first half hour, 5 cents per subsequent half hour. Payment plans are available. .... (I'm highly altruistic and don't want anyone to suffer needlessly just for lack of funds!)
 
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