Plan B for a teenager chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: Plan B for a teenager

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

Plan B for a teenager Posted: 11/10/2009 6:05:40 PM
As the mother of a teenage boy, yes, please - check up on where your daughter is. I've come downstairs to find my 16 yr old son cuddled up on the couch with his sleeping 15 year old gf at 5:30AM more than once. I always get the "her mom knows she's here" line, but I know it is bullshit... And no, it doesn't take more than a few minutes at this age and they can and will do it anywhere! I provide my son with condoms - I wish I could take him for a shot or a birth control pill. As it is, I bought HIM some spermicide gel - obviously, she has to use it, but I cannot legally buy it for HER, so I bought it for HIM to use as he sees fit and explained to HIM (with her nearby) how it is properly used. I wish to God I could take HER for birth control, but I cannot... and her mother is not ready to admit that her "little girl" is not a virgin - and was not one when she started dating my son more than half a year ago... Teens are going to be sexually active. The best we can do for them is teach them how to be responsible and provide them with the tools & knowledge to protect themselves.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 114 (view)

FANTASY RAPE Posted: 10/9/2009 3:46:20 PM
Oh lord- you guys realize he may have met the girl on PoF, or another site, and simply hasn't updated his account here? Or even....heaven forbid....he's met someone and STILL wants to date other people. YIKES!! Sexual role-play can be fun, and HOT. OP, your gf's fantasies look like pretty standard fodder to me. Oh, you mean there might be OTHER choices than flat monogamy?! Wow. Imagine that. snicker

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

I gave my girl an orgasm..... through her nipple? Posted: 10/9/2009 3:20:27 PM
Hey, guess what the most IMPORTANT sex organ in a woman's body is? The brain. Stimulate her properly and you can "give" her an orgasm through her knee cap. ;)

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 76 (view)

do you want more kids or are you done Posted: 10/9/2009 2:30:07 PM
I'm done. Been done since my now six and a half year old was born and I told the OB/GYN to tie my tubes while he was performing the ER C-section. Only once did it even come up - when someone was trying to fix me up with a friend of hers - she asked if I was open to having more and I told her absolutely not and explained that I'd had a tubal and she said that was too bad because he would definitely want one. So I never met him. shrug So, it's never been a problem for me. If someone wants a biological child of their own that badly, then I am obviously not the one for them to do that with. ;)

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Pent up rage towards father who denies paternity...what should I do? Posted: 8/29/2009 2:43:29 PM
You know what? I remember seeing red when my estranged husband had the balls (so to speak) in an email to insinuate that he wasn't sure our son was his. I swallowed my anger and replied to him that if he had ANY doubt whatsoever that our son was his, then he had BEST get his sorry ass to Domestics and get a paternity test - but he had DAMN well best be prepared that when the test came back confirming what we both already knew (that he was his son's father - since I was NOT the one who was unfaithful) for me to take out a full page ad in the local newspaper with the results... Yeah, juvenile and dramatic, I know - but I was pretty damn devastated by his betrayal at that point in time and dealing with new mother hormones to boot. Needless to say, he never asked for a paternity test nor did he ever mention it again. He knew I hadn't been unfaithful and it is quite amusing that four of his five children are born almost exactly nine months after his birthday (including our son) - I think he was just trying to break me down a little more and hurt me because I'd had the audacity to file for child support (since he was not supporting his son voluntarily). To the OP - I've walked a mile in your shoes. My advice? Get over it. Go to the court house, file the papers yourself for child support. He wants a paternity test, he will have to petition the court for it and pay for it himself (as long as he does turn out to be the father). But your anger serves no purpose as rage - turn it into constructive action and get over it. Your child deserves better.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers??? Posted: 8/9/2009 5:41:45 PM
I don't know, but the whole "goth" thing has nothing to do with lack of morals. My son isn't goth, nor are his friends (well, most of them aren't). He hangs out with beautiful, intelligent, extracurricularly active girls - girls who are Honor roll, athletes, cheerleaders, etc... and these kids are "boffing" like bunnies. So many of these girls' parents have NO clue. Any girl that dates my son is treated much as my son is - I am very open about talking about sex. I don't beat around the bush or wonder - I ask: "Are you on birth control?" And nine times out of ten, I get, "OhmygodNO! I could NEVER tell my mom... she'd KILL me!!" Great, so here you have this bright, talented, incredible fourteen or fifteen year old girl who is on her second or third sexual partner and she's counting on HIM to provide protection. Which, my son is very careful and always has condoms available to him (he's 16 and I have beaten it into his head that he doesn't use his penis for anything but urinating without a condom on it), but so many of these teen boys are either clueless, don't have consistent access to condoms, or "don't/won't wear them." One of his friends changes girls more often than he changes his underwear and refuses to wear a condom. I'm just waiting for the day his mother tells me she's going to be a grandmother. He's 16. I wish more parents would realize that even though they are not ready for their son or daughter to be sexually active, the kids ARE sexually active and the majority of these girls are not emotionally strong enough to insist their partner wears a condom - the LEAST a parent can do is make sure the girl is on birth control - you can't make the decision for her to have sex or to wait, but you can offer her at least that protection.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

How Many Times Have You Moved? Have Your Children Changed Schools? Posted: 7/27/2009 11:17:01 AM
Let's see, I've moved three times since my now 16 year old was born, but he has never had to change schools. We moved when I left his father (to my mother's), then out to an apartment and finally to a home I bought - all in the same school district (him not changing schools was top of my priority list). The last move was ten years ago - so my younger son has never moved.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 67 (view)

Why Did You Get Divorced or Break Up While You Were Pregnant Or Had Young Children? Posted: 7/27/2009 11:11:36 AM
As for difficult to leave your children - apparently not for him. He's walked away from five children now - six if you count the stepson he claimed to love as much as his own - and never looked back OMG I have no words for such a person. That is so low. Nor do I. I live my life, raise my children and keep in contact with my stepchildren - and have nothing to do with him.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

COurt ordered paternity Posted: 7/27/2009 10:32:55 AM
Simple, the judge will call him into court one more time and tell him he's got XX number of days to comply or he will issue a bench warrent for him and the nice constable/sheriff will knock on his door and cart his sorry @$$ off to a cute 5x9 cell.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

Why Did You Get Divorced or Break Up While You Were Pregnant Or Had Young Children? Posted: 7/24/2009 6:41:41 PM
He walked out three weeks before our son was born.. that's how. I had no idea he'd been having an affair, nor that he was even unhappy with our marriage. I knew he was under a lot of pressure and was stressed, but I believed it was entirely due to his job and his kids - which is what he'd told me over and over. As for difficult to leave your children - apparently not for him. He's walked away from five children now - six if you count the stepson he claimed to love as much as his own - and never looked back.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 109 (view)

question for women who had kids RIGHT after high school ? Posted: 7/24/2009 6:10:34 PM
I think the issue, MrV, is that while you legally are not responsible to pay child support after your child turns 18, the reality of the matter is that a parent never stops being a parent, no matter how old their child is. Legally, you can't be held responsible. However, emotionally, you will always feel responsible and you will always be there for her... well, parents who love their children and care for them will be. Honestly? She needs you more than ever now. She needs to know that you love her and are there for her. She's undoubtedly scared sh*tless and worried sick - even if she isn't showing it. She's about to become a young mother and the one thing she needs more than anything is HER daddy. I was 21 and married when my older son was born - my father's reaction? "WHAT?! I'm too young to be a grandfather!" followed by a deep, weary sigh. The first time he held his grandson, he held him til he fell asleep and then held him for hours after. I don't think anything prepared him for how deeply and immediately and completely he fell in love with his grandson. Be there for her. Help her. Hold her. Go with her to hear the baby's heartbeat. She's pregnant now and obviously having the baby. I know this isn't what you wanted for her, but it is what it is. You can't undo that, so enjoy it - buy her a crib, some diapers, an outfit. Stand by her now - she NEEDS you now... and when you hold your grandson or granddaughter in your arms for the first time, you will be glad you did.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 56 (view)

do you buy that i only did that because i was drunk excuse? Posted: 7/17/2009 4:43:33 PM
Alcohol lowers inhibitions - that is common knowledge. Alcohol impairs your judgment (hence the drinking and driving laws). Lowered inhibitions + impaired judgment = people doing things they normally would not do. Does it mean they wouldn't LIKE to do it when sober? Who knows... but my bet is that they would like to do it sober, but won't because of brass, better judgment or a million other reasons.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Kids in Profiles Posted: 7/17/2009 9:24:22 AM
Honestly? Because most non-parents really don't get it. They talk the talk, but when it comes to dealing with it in reality - they are shocked that said single parent can't go away for the weekend with only a week's notice... or can't go out on Saturday night (being asked out on Friday... or even Thursday) or can't take non-parent date back to their place or go to non-parent date's place for a "nightcap". Or when the single parent cancels at the last moment because little Johnny or Susie just puked all over the sitter... or because the sitter didn't show up (it happens, even with the most reliable ones). Don't take it as an insult - if you are one of the few who really, truly understands and accepts the whole dating a single parent deal, then you are one of very, very few and should be proud of that. Understand that in this, like many things, the majority are idiots. Oh, and with some single parents, like with all parents, in some cases the children are not the most prized, cherished, important individuals... and are not the center of their world.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 113 (view)

A question for you larger ladies... Posted: 6/16/2009 2:14:12 PM
Do you hesitate to mail a guy thinking that he wouldn't like you based on your weight? yes. there are so many men in this area with great profiles and i'd love to send them an email based on what they've written... but i won't. and i've recently shed 50 pounds and i still won't do it... I'll second that, but for a different reason. Sorry, but if a guy wasn't interested in me when I wore a size 16, then I have no reason to believe he will be interested in me now that I am a size 6/8. Nor will I be interested in someone who is that shallow. I am still the same person, still have lovely soft curves and will never have a perfectly flat belly with six pack abs (they are there, just padded a bit). I'm me. I've always been me - size 16 or size 6. I'm just in better shape and healthier now.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 56 (view)

Men's Participation in Decision to Have Children Posted: 6/16/2009 1:38:36 PM
In both of my pregnancies, the father (my husband) was involved in the decision. In the case of my first child, it was his idea - he wanted a baby and didn't want to wait. In the case of my second (and last) child, we'd talked many times about having a child together and he was all for just having a baby but I was hesitant because of his older children and the custody issues we were having with them - but after two years of using the Natural Family Planning method (noting cycle and hormonal changes to track ovulation and using condoms around that time of the month), my cycle changed drastically and suddenly. He was very excited and happy at first... right up until about the third trimester (when it was far too late to do anything about the pregnancy) and even then he claimed he wanted our child... until I was 37 weeks pregnant - then he decided he no longer wanted to be a father.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 261 (view)

Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ? Posted: 6/13/2009 5:36:41 AM
I have been dating a single mom for four months. I absolutely love her. She is the most fascinating woman I have ever met. I just dont like her kid or her EX-bf. The kid is a constant whiner and the EX-bf is an intrusive component that I do not like. I hope to hell she finds this thread and is able to identify you, because this is information she NEEDS to know. You cannot marry this woman if you do not like her child - you will be LIVING with this child and this child deserves better than you can obviously offer. You are a selfish, immature @$$hole who will mistreat this child. You are going to end up causing this child emotional trauma and if you do marry, the marriage will NOT last - because, as a mother, I can tell you flat out that any mother worth her salt - when driven to choose between her mate and her child, will choose her child (as well it should be). Someone needs to tell this woman of the disaster that is heading her way before she continues to invest time in you. You two have only been together for four months and you are engaged? Rushing things a bit? Both she and her child deserve better than you. My bet is that we will all be reading about you in the newspapers for having abused this child at some point in time.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 260 (view)

Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ? Posted: 6/13/2009 5:25:01 AM
Dear Mike, No. So please, don't bother to put yourself out to date "difficult" single mothers. I mean, single mothers only go to all the normal effort of getting ready for a date PLUS do it while caring for children and then arrange child care. And if children are so unpalatable, why bother dating a single mother at all? Oh, wait... that's right, you want to get laid and that seems to be the "big" concern for you. Oh, and do you make an extra effort to compensate the women who date you to make up for being a**** Please go crawl back under your rock, trollboy. Have a nice day!!

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 66 (view)

Warning women about piercings? yes or no Posted: 6/9/2009 10:40:52 AM
When you grow up and will be ready for a nice lady it is not going to be good, because she will run ROFL So only guttersnipes like men with piercings then? um many so called "nice ladies" happen to love men with genital piercings... many prissy types would not.. but then again why would OP want some uptite priss anyways? LOL May I quite resoundingly second that motion! ;)

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 55 (view)

Single mother out to prove the world wrong... is that wrong? Posted: 6/9/2009 9:07:49 AM
I think that no matter how well you do, someone will put you down and tell you that you aren't doing it to their satisfaction. Is your baby happy and healthy? Are you happy and healthy? Then tell whomever is filling your life with negativity to go blow smoke up someone else's tush.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

If you view a profile shouldn't you at least drop the person a note Posted: 5/21/2009 2:30:06 PM
Um, no! Just because you look at someone's profile doesn't mean you want contact with them. Seriously, do you stop your car and introduce yourself to everyone on the side walk... just because you looked at them?

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Am I overreacting? Posted: 5/10/2009 6:38:00 AM
I agree 100% with freetime2bme. I would want to know why this man is in jail... even if it is because he didn't pay traffic violation tickets, that impacts your daughter's safety. The santa picture and the magnets - those are kind of sweet, to be honest... and you should be glad that he accepts and embraces your daughter that much (well, if it weren't for the whole jail thing...). Be calm, find out WHY he is jailed and then step back and decide what, if anything, needs to be done from that point.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 59 (view)

NOT FAIR! Posted: 5/10/2009 6:29:31 AM
I looked at your profile and if it is for real you have some major major issues. Time to see a counselor and probably get on some medication. Better worry about fixing yourself first. Alot of your problem is you think you are this tuff gansta and everything is owed to you. Wake up that is not how the real world works. So did I, but I respectfully disagree about the medication... I think the issue is that she's still a child herself. She's somewhat immature for 19, yes, but I think that is a life issue, not a medication issue. And she's about to grow up real fast... either that or lose that beautiful daughter of hers. To the OP... sounds like both of you have a lot of maturing to do. You had a child very young and not under the best circumstances. If you want him to start being a better father - stop sleeping with him. He's in a "monogamous" relationship with someone else and you are not doing yourself or your daughter any favors. In your profile, you state that you won't tolerate disrespect... but your actions with this man scream otherwise. He's disrespecting you on a large scale. He's using you as a place to deposit his sperm - and giving you money (for your daughter, but do you really think he'd be free with the cash if you weren't putting out? Time for an experiment, I think)... and buying stuff. Do yourself the respect of ending the free f*ckbuddy nonsense with him, if he doesn't voluntarily help support or care for his daughter after that, get a court order for child support - set up a legal custody and visitation order and get it all above board for your daughter, if not for your own self-respect. My bet is that once you stop screwing him, he won't grace your door again - I hope to hell I am wrong, but I doubt it. Last thing - you cannot make him be a good father. You cannot control him. Period. You can make sure he has access to his daughter. You can send him updates and information. You can legally require him to financially support her. You cannot make him change diapers, bathe her, hold her or spend sleepless nights with her. So, you have a choice - you can accept that you will have to do it all yourself (as you have been doing, no matter HOW much that sucks) or you can give her up for adoption (which I don't see you doing nor am I recommending that). I know I might sound harsh, but... my husband walked out three weeks before our son was born and I faced the same choice you have now - accept that I would be doing it myself, alone and accept that that was a possibility I accepted when I got pregnant (even though we were married, happy, stable and all the best possible circumstances, but there are NO GUARANTEES in life and sometimes, life is rudely unfair) and get on with life the best way I knew how... or fall apart and lose what little you have. You have goals - saw that on your profile - use those goals to fill your life and build a better life for you and your daughter - without him.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 69 (view)

Instead of Read/Delete Let's Educate Posted: 5/5/2009 6:43:07 AM
I take it you've never been the victim of verbal abuse via email... I used to do just that... and in cases of extreme idiocracy via email, will still, on occasion, do just that. However, I've made it quite clear in my profile my reasons for being here and when I continue to get email from people who quite obviously have not bothered to even read the first sentence, I do not feel it is even worth my time to respond. Add to that the occasional verbal abuse recieved when I did take the time to try to assist anyone with their profile faux paus... let them wonder why they get the "Read/Delete" to every email. Darwin's theory of Survival of the Fittest.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 63 (view)

How soon do you let the person you're dating known you have kid(s)? Posted: 5/5/2009 6:05:32 AM
It appears that none of us have given the OP the response he wanted.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

How soon do you let the person you're dating known you have kid(s)? Posted: 5/1/2009 5:50:51 PM
Wow.. so in your mind, having a living child is the same as having 2 abortions a decade ago? The abortions at 16 don't live with you full-time or every other weekend. They don't take half your paycheck every week, either. Three months?!? You lied to some woman about being a parent (and lying by omission IS lying) for THREE months? (or are planning to?!) YES - it would change EVERYTHING, because it would make her wonder what else you "forgot" to tell her about... like a wife in another state, an STD, a criminal background, etc. Quite honestly, if you dated her for three months and your child never came up, well, then you obviously aren't much of a father to start with. As a mother, I don't get through a day without mentioning SOMETHING that one of my boys did. Of course, I actually spend time with and parent my kids - something you apparently don't do, if you were able to hide the fact that you HAVE a child for three months. One more thing - if you are in love with a woman you will do anything for her? Great, so you fall in love with a woman, date her for three months... she says no intimacy until she gets an engagement ring. You propose and it's time for the big "first time". As you undress her, she whispers in your ear, "Baby, there is something I have to tell you..." and whips out her penis (see, she's a pre-op transgender). Still love her? Gonna marry her...err, him.. uh, shim? Help pay for the surgery?

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

How soon do you let the person you're dating known you have kid(s)? Posted: 5/1/2009 5:01:45 PM
****In reality shouldn't the connection between the man and the woman be all that matters? If you've got chemistry, shouldn't love conquer all? Apparently it doesn't with all those who wanted to know up front. Um, hello... can you please join the rest of us in the real world? Either that or please get out of the gene pool and don't come back without floaties on. Love conquer all? So, why aren't you with your child's mother then? You must have loved her to breed with her... so why don't you love her now? Guess love didn't conquer all, huh? Reality is - love does NOT conquer all. I loved my exhusband, but when he became a serial cheater, I had to decide - did I love him more then I loved myself and our son? Nope. If you are in love with a woman who becomes an alcoholic and a drug addict, leaving used heroin needles all over your house... is your love going to conquer that? Or are you going to eventually end it? What if you fall in love with a woman who has an incurable STD - like herpes... you going to spend the rest of your life celibate for her? And, btw, CHEMISTRY is not love. It is lust, hormones, pheromones, animal instincts... it lasts long enough to get your rocks off a few times.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

How soon do you let the person you're dating known you have kid(s)? Posted: 5/1/2009 4:54:17 PM
Regardless, the question remains. The upfront approach does not work well. A psychologist said if I just say it right away it throws up a defensive shield so if I get dumped later I can blame them hating that fact rather than me. In the process as well that shield is also a weakness since women see that and are turned off by it. It's the same as a girl telling a guy in confidence that she had some problems in the past and wonders why he loves her. We throw shields up blocking intimacy to protect our self-images. So the question is how soon and how to convey being a part-time father to a child??? Find a new psychologist, because the one you have is full of sh*t. Being honest about having children - which is a deal maker or breaker in romance for many people, if NOTHING like "throwing up a shield". Some people do not want to date parents - they deserve the right to know immediately, BEFORE wasting their time with you, that you have kids. Honestly, do you want to date a woman who hates kids and wants nothing to do with them - ever? Seriously? Why waste your time. This isn't like telling a potential date that you have arthritis or that you just took a pay cut at work - this is about your child, who should be your top priority. You aren't just looking for a date once in a while, but a relationship - which means a relationship for your child, as well. You all deserve to know up front if this person is WILLING to have a relationship with a parent and a child. So, again, I say IMMEDIATELY. As I stated before, if I had a great date with you and you never said a word about being a father, then two, three, ten dates later, you finally mention that you have a child... I'd end it right there, because I'd feel that you were either being dishonest before that - or your child simply is not a priority to you and that does not fly with me.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

How soon do you let the person you're dating known you have kid(s)? Posted: 5/1/2009 4:45:52 PM
How about after, "Hello, my name is ...." ? Seriously, you go on a date with someone and HAVEN'T told them you have kids - to be honest, I'd see it as you were hiding it from me or you were ashamed of having them - neither of which is flattering for you and I can guarantee you would NOT have a second date with me. You have kids - they should be important enough in your life that you tell any potential date about them - BEFORE,/b> the first date.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

How Safe Is To Use a Used Breast Pumped? Posted: 4/18/2009 5:09:05 PM
breast pump that has not been used in a few years? If the pump looks like a horn - don't use those. They are bad, and not good for your breast. What are you talking about? All the pumps have parts that look like horns - the Medela, the Ameda... and those are two of the FINEST breast pumps you will ever come across (Medela Pump in Style and the Ameda Purely Yours - both electric pumps, decently priced and incredibly longlasting and sturdy). The "horns" go on the breast - otherwise you can't pump the milk. Maybe you should be a bit clearer in your explanation.

jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 69 (view)

Takes me for Pizza but his Kid to the Ritz Posted: 3/13/2009 3:29:15 PM
OP.... He's not a narcissist, he's an ***hole. And you, my dear, are a doormat. You can be lonely when you are alone, but I believe you will find it is worse to be lonely when you are with someone.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

When a woman says, 'I have trust issues.. I can't talk to you anymore' Posted: 3/8/2009 4:25:59 PM
Dude. Drop it. Stop bothering the woman. You are crossing the line into stalker-land. She said to leave her alone. Do it. If she is just playing games, do you really want to hook your life to a woman who plays headgames with some serious damn skill?

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Child Support being collected from Custodial parent Posted: 3/8/2009 11:13:22 AM
Did you apply to have the child support order reversed? Child support is never automatically changed or ceased. You have to apply to have it stopped.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Gay Parents Posted: 3/2/2009 12:19:24 PM
My mom is gay... of course, I was an adult when she told me, but my kids know and they don't look at her any differently. I would expect some difficulty at first, but they are your kids and they love you - keep that in mind and always be there for them, no matter how poorly they act when they first learn the news. I hope your children's mothers are mature enough to help the kids and you work through this.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 128 (view)

20 year old gives birth to 3rd set of twins!?!?!!! Posted: 3/2/2009 12:08:50 PM
This should not be about the welfare system but about responsiblities and respect. After what if this was you and not her what would people say about you. It IS about responsibilities and respect. She is NOT mature and she is VERY irresponsible to have seven children that she can not support... or, to speak to the "respect" issue, whom she CHOOSES NOT to support. You want to have more kids, great - make sure you can support them and are not popping them out expecting me (and by me, I mean all the taxpayers) to support them. Most people have run on rough times and needed help - I've been there, done that. I also needed gov't help at one point, but when they offered me a way out - a way to be self-sufficient, I JUMPED at the chance to better my and my son's lives. Out of the 60 women who were offered the same chance, I was the only woman who completed the program and became self-sufficient within 6 months of finishing it. The rest? Quit, dropped out, slacked off, got pregnant again or vanished after getting the annual $1200 towards transportation. I'm self-sufficient and have had one more child since those days - I got my tubes tied immediately after his birth because I knew I could not support (emotionally nor financially) any more then two children on my own. THAT is responsibility for myself and my children and respect for society and the taxpayers.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 126 (view)

20 year old gives birth to 3rd set of twins!?!?!!! Posted: 3/2/2009 10:25:24 AM
re:20 year old gives birth to 3rd set of twins!?!?!!! i think giving birth to twins would be so rewarding i wonder what that's like! CHILDREN ARE THE CREATOR'S BLESSINGS!:) Then the creator can feed and support them - get them off of the dole (aka my taxes)!

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Am I putting the cart in front of the horse? Posted: 2/1/2009 6:42:13 AM
None. Quite honestly, no money. Viable mate is not dependent on finances.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

I don't know what to do anymore Posted: 1/31/2009 6:57:27 PM
What is his dad doing when he's making these calls? Have you asked to speak to his father when he calls you like this? Kind of odd, that dad would let him make the call for him to cry to you and not talk to you about WHY the child is crying.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

daddy passed away Posted: 1/27/2009 6:23:13 PM
OP - you and your daughter have my sympathy. You have a long, hard road in front of you - I wish you peace and much strength.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

after 1 date and a few conversations... Posted: 1/27/2009 6:21:21 PM
OP men do look for some red flags when they meet you.m Pardon, but 5 and 7 are too old for sleeoing with you. Most people would refelct on that. Says the woman who has no children, yet trolls the single parenting board and gives parents advice. She also believes that single parents should not date if they have any issues or drama in their lives... I'm beginning to wonder if maybe she's trying to convince single moms not to date so that she has a better chance finding a guy. Thin the herd, so to speak...

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

after 1 date and a few conversations... Posted: 1/27/2009 6:18:14 PM
Yeah Freetime - I think I agree with you after thinking about this post for a while. 5 & 7 years of age is really too old to be sleeping with mom. It's a little creepy and gross. Do you want them to be attached to Mommy's hip forever? :( If you're having them sleep with you for YOUR own comfort if you're lonely, that's selfish. I think a kid should be given the opportunity to have independence and a sense of ownership with their own bed. Creepy? Really? Makes me wonder why you say that - what has happened in your life that makes children in bed with their mother a "creepy" of "gross" thing. I find that very sad - for you. Family bed, co-sleeping, sleep sharing is quite common in many countries and has been for centuries. Pretty much only in America, where everything is sexualized, is sleep-sharing considered "weird" or inappropriate. And then we wonder why so many of our children are so screwed up, violent, disconnected and cold... "Attached to mommy's hip forever" - gee, they are FIVE and SEVEN, again, not 15 and 17, nor 25 and 27. They have MANY years of life ahead of them and believe it or not, co-sleeping will NOT make them neurotic mommy's boys (I have two very well adjusted kids who are proof of this - as do many, many, many attachment parenting friends, acquaintances and others I know). Your statement is the most common brainwashing nonsense spewed by either ignorant or anti-attachment parenting folks in order to scare other parents into doing what goes against their intuition. (Mostly ignorant - and by that I do mean those who really do not know nor understand instinctive or attachment parenting). Independence and sense of ownership... So, when you are married or IAR, you sleep alone? Tell your spouse or bf to go sleep in his own bed, because this is YOUR bed? That you are independent, so you sleep alone? Hmmmm.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

after 1 date and a few conversations... Posted: 1/27/2009 6:06:53 PM
OP, your kids are 7 and 5. They are too old to be sleeping with you. That is NOT a healthy thing for any of you. How do you expect a man to want to date you when you have two kids sharing your bed. What are you going to do if it gets to a sexual stage? Tell your kids to move over? It IS time to cut those apron strings! Sorry, I wouldn't consider dating someone that their kids sleep with them. #1. The poster did not ask for your advice nor thoughts on her sleep sharing/co-sleeping. OP did not tell you that you are parenting wrong for not co-sleeping. #2. Your statement is YOUR opinion. It is not fact. Referring to #1, OP did not ask for your opinion on co-sleeping. #3. There are numerous parenting and child professionals who would adamantly disagree with your opinion. #4. "Cut the apron strings"? These children are 5 and 7, not 15 and 17, nor 25 and 27. They still need mommy very much. #5. No worries, I don't think she wants to date you. :) Quite honestly, by posting what you did, I doubt the OP would put stock in what you have to say about her concern with this man, because your post has shown yourself to be just like him. You don't know her nor her children, yet took it upon yourself to tell her that she is parenting wrong and should change what is working for her and her children. To the OP, I see huge red flags with this man - as a poster stated above, he is in the "trying to impress" stage yet he is criticizing your parenting and telling you he has respect issues and anger management problems. If the man yells at strangers, he will yell at you and your children... and if he is already criticizing you and your children (which his condescending comments were), it is very likely that he will always place his child above yours and he may well become verbally abusive to them and you. You say young child, but not exact age... depending on his child's age, he may really have NO clue whatsoever what parenting a child is all about (infants are easy behaviorally - they only cry when they have a need to be met!).

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Another question to single parents (being brutal here) Posted: 1/27/2009 5:44:53 PM
I don't have any major conflicts in my life right now nor for several years, but answering for those who do - be very careful of passing judgment on others, because the universe has a sick sense of humor and oft times feels fit to put you in their shoes... just so you understand exactly why they do the things they do. Perhaps you don't feel it is right for single parents to be looking for love (or as you not so gently put it, "bring a new person to those major issues/drama") - but remember this - no one is forcing the "new person" to get involved. If they get involved knowing there are major issues/drama, then THEY made the choice to be involved. I've often wondered why someone would get involved in some situations that I saw as nonstop drama/trauma fests.. but really? It is none of my business. To each their own.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

Pets: too much work for the single parent? Posted: 1/27/2009 5:35:43 PM
I did it - FT job, two kids, own house... took care of three rescues. :) Keep the cat indoor, reduces the vet bills... cats are great because they are less responsibility then many other pets (you don't have to walk a cat!). Worked fine for me.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Demi Moore/Bruce Willis divorce, if you could, would you? Posted: 1/26/2009 5:27:02 PM
I think it is fabulous! I would love for that to be the case. My exh (older son's father) and I have a very amicable relationship, but we don't spend time together like they do... I think it would be great for everyone involved!

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 64 (view)

Mother loses custody for alienating kids from their father Posted: 1/26/2009 5:19:18 PM
It shouldn't require thousands or hundreds of thousands of dollars to be a parent. The whole thing with lawyers and needing to be wealthy in order to fight for your children is utterly ridiculous.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 63 (view)

Mother loses custody for alienating kids from their father Posted: 1/26/2009 5:14:19 PM
So I would challenge the "ladies" here who have made or written comments about men who walk away and perhaps they might realize why some have in fact made that choice when faced with the potential long and costly court battles they knew they could not wage. And the excuse for "fathers" (or "mothers") who know they would not have faced any of that, yet walked away anyway? Sadly, that is a convenient excuse for deadbeats to use often and maybe they even convince themselves it is true, but in the end, who has the clear conscience? I know I do. I have a very good relationship with my older son's father as a clear example of my willingness and ability to civilly co-parent - something my exh (father of my younger son) witnessed for many years. Even tried to sabotage, unsuccessfully, a few times. He knew that I would never prevent him from having a relationship with his son and he chose to walk away. He has five children with three different women and has no relationships at all with any of his children or his exes - all by his own choice. His now 15 year old daughter has tried numerous times to contact him - he ignores all her efforts. I can sleep at night. Wonder if he can. (BTW - glad you clarified in later posts that it is not the case in all cases of parental abandonment.)

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

son misses mom , she doesn't have time Posted: 1/26/2009 4:57:41 PM
And this is the struggle many custodial, primary parents face. Be strong for him, cuddle him and just be there for him - he will appreciate it in the long run.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

Mother loses custody for alienating kids from their father Posted: 1/25/2009 5:35:34 PM
#1. I agree 100% with the judge. I've seen first hand a mother actively trying to alienate a child from his father and it turned my stomach. I felt so badly for that child. As for the rest of it, I don't see a problem with telling the children that the relationship's end was not the sole fault of one party (in kid friendly words) and if they ask you for details, tell them that you do not believe it is something they should have to carry the weight of. That the end of their parents' marriage is an ADULT matter, not for children's minds to worry about. If you tell them that he abused you, they will, first doubt it and second, have the weight of adult problems on their mind. What your ex is doing is emotional abuse and he should be ashamed - some day they will realize that there is no way you were soley responsible for the end of the marriage - and they will carry anger towards him for lying to them for years and trying to alienate them from you.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Child support issue Posted: 1/24/2009 6:05:22 AM
You should stop your whining and be thankful you have custody. 90 percent of the men would love to have custody and they wouldn't concern themselves with child support. Just do what is good for your son. If his mother wants time with him then all the better. If not, be thankful you have the extra time with him. Are you kidding? So, just because he has a penis, he should be grateful he has his kid and should forget about child support? Great, another one with free kids. Every kid I know need to eat, need clothes, shelter and lots of other things that cost MONEY. That "mother" ought to be grateful this father hasn't pushed and had her arrested. I put quotes around mother because she doesn't see her child, doesn't care for her child emotionally, physically OR financially. In my eyes, she's no mother at all. Paying child support is the LEAST she can do - and on assistance or not, she SHOULD be ordered to pay something. When my exh was unemployed and had no income, he was STILL ordered to pay $20/month - its not squat, but it was SOMETHING. This "mother" should be ordered at least that. There is no excuse for a "parent" to not contribute to their child in some way - and telling a father that he essentially has no right to complain about not getting child support is contributing to the anti-mother sentiment that proliferates this forum in regards to child support. Custodial fathers deserve JUST as much support when talking about deadbeat "mothers" as custodial mothers do when talking about deadbeat "fathers". By making the statement you did, you perpetuate the inequality between men and women when it comes to parenting and parental rights. By making the statement you did, you perpetuate the jealousy, ignorance, and hate between the genders, between parents - just like the male posters who reply with derision to mothers struggling because the "fathers" contribute nothing to the children, stating it is their fault for choosing the man in the first place. I don't expect you to miraculously understand and change your thinking, but I certainly hope I've given you something to think about.

Jayderaven

Joined: 7/16/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Parents of teenage boys - the real talk Posted: 1/24/2009 5:34:36 AM
.... Ok... now formula, diapers, baby bath, diaper rash medicine, baby powder and baby wipes... One more note: (from a nursing nut and a lactation consultant want-to-be) I've also deeply impressed my son that formula is a last resort. He understands that breastfeeding is best for a baby. As a result, he understands that if he impregnates a gf who is young & immature, she is far less likely to nurse their child - meaning that their child will receive substandard nutrition by far - while if he is very careful and doesn't have his first child until he is older, married, stable, educated - his partner will be FAR more likely to be the same and therefore, their child will be far more likely to be properly cared for, properly fed.

Show ALL Forums