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soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

how do i stop it... Posted: 8/20/2008 5:35:31 PM
You seriously need to go find some professional help. This is no joke. The good thing is that you recognize that something is really wrong. Please go find help before you hurt yourself or someone else. Please go find help so you can find happiness again. It IS possible. Really. Good luck to you. Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

help neede this is a mess Posted: 8/17/2008 12:22:20 PM
Sounds to me she's heartless and cold, but then, I only have one side of the story. If everything you say is true and IF you were good to her, maybe some sort of law suit would be in order if you had that procedure for her. I'd say move on, dude. I know it's not easy, but it can be done. She seems like a selfish person to me.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 47 (view)

To tell or not to tell Posted: 5/15/2008 3:19:09 PM
Do what you would want her to do if you were in her place. It's that simple. If she doesn't appreciate it and gets angry at you, at least you know you did the best you could to let the truth be known to her. In my opinion, it's the only decent thing to do. How she deals with the information is her choice.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

was I wrong?!?!?!? Posted: 5/15/2008 3:15:11 PM
Cutie-pie, let him go. I know you feel like you will never love anyone else, but you will...believe me. He sounds very insecure and manipulative. You may have feelings for him but honestly, you don't need someone who is going to be controlling like that. Try as hard as you can now to enjoy your time without a relationship. Go out with friends when ever you damn well please. Trust your gut. You did the right thing. You're young and you have plenty of time to figure out what you want in a man. Sounds to me like you are off to a decent start if figuring out how to put on the brakes when things just don't seem right. It was right to stop and think before jumping into anything. Look what you avoided. You would have been living with the guy or maybe even married to him eventually and you would have stepped in a huge pile of mess that wouldn't have been so easy to get out of. So..pat yourself on the back and chalk it up to learning. You're on the path to wisdom. Hang on, girl, sometimes that path gets a little rough, but you'll make it. Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Subtle signs/signals a man is interested...i cant tell Posted: 5/3/2008 10:35:56 AM
Wallflower, I have to come to the original poster's defense and say you have no right calling her a budding stalker. I think it perfectly normal for her to find out things about this person with whom she is interested. Besides that, you were wrong when you said, "He's kept it cordial, on a professional level, hasn't been personal with you." The original poster has said that he overstays his time there and tells her all about himself. I think I'd say it sounds like you might be jealous upon hearing that this guy might actually be interested in this person. What's up with that? Kinda weird, if you ask me. Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 390 (view)

what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks Posted: 5/1/2008 5:30:40 AM
A "no-thanks" is no big deal, but I usually go a step further and give some indication as to why I'm saying "no thanks". I just think that's the kindest way to say it. For example, if it's simply because someone lives too far away or if the age difference is too much, why shouldn't I say so instead of having the guy wonder if there is something about him personally that wrong? I think it's human nature to people to wonder why someone chooses to reject them outright when there is absolutely no indication of why. Then again, that's just me. Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

The ex called and I am sooo sad.... Posted: 4/29/2008 8:37:09 PM
Trial Size, sounds like you got it right that he wants you to be his "his soft place to land". I hope that you will not let him come back into your life and use you like that. Sounds like his ego is hurting with his last disastrous relationship. He needs to feel better. So, he's coming back to you with the " let's be friends" line after he hurt you so badly before. Please don't feel sorry for him and please don' t let him manipulate you. It is natural to feel sad. This guy really hurt you and it sounds like you cared for him none the less. It's utterly selfish of him to call you after all this time. I think it's time for you to put the breaks on and let this guy know that it's over between you and you aren't there to pick him up and boost his ego after his failed relationships. I hope you will tell him firmly not to call you again. I know it won't be easy, but you have to take care of yourself. Believe me, regardless of how sad you think it will make you feel, telling him off would probably be VERY empowering to you. More power to you! YOU CAN DO IT! Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

Hillary Threatens to Obliterate Iran Posted: 4/26/2008 9:24:10 PM
oh...yeah...McCain isn't really a weakling. He just doesn't know if he's coming or going. Or where the hell he is or who's fighting who in the world. Seems his usual state of mind is confusion. Perhaps the first signs of Alzheimers. In any case, it seems he's living on an entirely different planet in that he seems to think the economy is going well and so is the war in Iraq.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 199 (view)

Feel that there is no reason for me to live Posted: 4/24/2008 5:47:40 PM
It might help you to volunteer to do some charitable work, like volunteer to help at soup kitchen or maybe some place to help be learn to read etc etc..There are so many things you could do. This way, you would improve your self esteem because you will feel needed by helping others. You will also meet others that are doing the same thing. Maybe you'll make some friends. Look, I know it's hard sometimes to have hope. I know that sometimes life just outright sucks. What we have to do, though, is acknowledge the "suckage" (that's what I call it), and make a plan to do something to tip the misery scale the other way. That often times involves helping others. It sounds like you enjoy exercise at least some, judging from the activities that you were doing before. You had a huge set back with the broken hip, but you're not dead , dude. Don't give in. Start slow by simply taking a walk. Then, find whatever joy you can scrounge up from your otherwise crappy days. You do that one hour at time. Make a commitment to be more mindful of the good things that are around you. Every hour think of one thing that is good about your life. Something as simple as " I can see." or " I have running water in my house." or " I have shoes on my feet." or " Damn, this chocolate tastes awesome!" Get the idea? Keep it simple. Then after a week or two, do that twice an hour. Then eventually every time you have a downright negative thought, tell yourself " STOP!" . Replace the thought with a positive thought. Better yet, keep a file folder and call it your "Feel Good Folder". Put in it notes of your hourly positive thoughts. Write down any positive thing anyone says to you (start with this perhaps from Soleil2020 on POF" You have a very nice, warm, and welcoming smile. You should do that more often. :0) Put in any momentums of good thoughts, like birthday cards that you got from people. Go through your "Feel Good Folder" when you're feeling down. YOU CAN DO IT! Lastly, don't just stop your meds. They may not seem like they are helping but stopping suddenly can be dangerous. Finally...I'd find another therapist and fire "Dr. Who are you again? " Oh..PS...don't smoke yourself to death, the people you are going to help by volunteering need you too much. Good luck. Please let me know if this helps you at all. I hope so. Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Hillary Threatens to Obliterate Iran Posted: 4/23/2008 6:15:28 PM
Soulmate, I'm an American who supports Barack Obama. I don't trust Hillary Clinton at all. I find her nuking Iran comment to be terrifying as hell and I hope to God she isn't able to steal the nomination from Barack. Please don't think that ALL Americans support this kind of talk. It's not true.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 67 (view)

Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot? Posted: 4/23/2008 6:07:13 PM
I just think it's a freakin' crying shame that a woman should have to announce on a first meeting with someone " Oh, by the way, I'm not having sex with you right away." I can see it now. You're getting to know each other, having a nice conversation, then the woman announces her sex rules ...and that there ain't gon' be no knockin' of de boots on that first date. Can't the guy figure it it out by the nature of the conversation, the body language etc etc..Or does he say to himself, " oh..she seems to be enjoying that glass of wine. This is a sure sign that she wants to go have sex with me after this. It's a good thing I reserved the room at the Motel 6 just in case." I have never outright felt like I had to announce to my date that I wasn't going to have sex with him. Was I being naive to think that was just understood? Because I just assumed it was understood that MOST people don't have sex on the first date. Wait. Let me make sure I have these dating rules right: Meet and greet for a quick coffee = Meet and greet for a quick coffee Meet and have dinner at his invitation = Meet and have dinner and a quick fiznuk afterwards. This is pretty much giving the creeps about dating. Will some of you guys tell me if it has become the norm now for men to expect sex on the first date? If that is the norm, I am off these dating websites, because I'm not nor will I ever be someone's whore just because he buys me dinner.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot? Posted: 4/23/2008 9:57:49 AM
Apolinary, I don't give a shiznit how much a dinner or whatever costs, that doesn't give the guy the right to sex with his date. Do you SERIOUSLY think that way?? Do men automatically think that a woman's accepting a dinner means she is a whore? ? HUH?? Holy Crap! Men who don't think this way, help me out here and say it ain't so! If that's the case, I'll have to stop dating all together. Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot? Posted: 4/23/2008 6:00:09 AM
Ladies, PLEASE, IF YOU ONLY "MET" THE GUY ONLINE, PLEASE DON'T GET IN HIS CAR ON THE FIRST DATE! .... AND MAYBE NOT EVEN THE SECOND. I always say, he has to meet some of my friends face to face first. (Just a quick "hello"-not necessarily hang-out.) That way, if he shys away from that, the way I see it, could mean he is up to something. Just my two cents. Soleil PS (I understand that the original poster didn't meet these two guys online, so I'd say she was okay to get in their cars if she really knew them in person first.)

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Dinner then a HOTEL? Does this happen a lot? Posted: 4/22/2008 7:38:37 PM
arkansas ...huh? are you sure it wasn't Bill Clinton in disguise? in all seriousness...probably not anything to do with you ..just those two guys were sleazy. Glad you told them "no". Rose

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

I need someone's objective thoughts on this Posted: 4/5/2008 9:03:12 AM
I can't say this loudly enough: TRUST YOURSELF ON THIS, YOU ALREADY HAVE THE ANSWER! So many people, particularly women doubt their own instincts. This guy sounds like bad news for you and your daughter. I would suggest for the sake of your daughter and yourself (yes, YOU are important here), divorce him. Don't wait for him to file. He seems extremely immature and probably would not bother to take that step. Why should he when he's living fine, having an affair with a teenager, just the way he is? Forget him, girl. You will get through this. REALLY. Start by believing yourself. my two cents. Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 418 (view)

Men Blacklisting Women?? Posted: 4/4/2008 9:03:07 AM
Andrea, I have noticed that too. I've actually had men say to me that I must "get around" because I've been favorited a lot. The way I see it is that it's these men's insecurities at play here. They think if a woman has a lot of men who favor her, then the competition must be tough. They don't want that much competition. Maybe some of you guy will argue with me on that, but I'm sticking by my theory. The bottom line is we have little control over how many people "favorite" us. And it certainly doesn't mean we're dating or even communicating with all those guys. Sure, we have the option of removing people from our list of those who favorited us, but who the hell has that kind of time to worry about going through that list anyway? I know I don't. My two cents. Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 227 (view)

So, I met this guy and he looked NOTHING like his pic!! Posted: 4/2/2008 5:26:48 AM
I'd say simply put this guy on your Loser list and move on. Forget him. He's a freakin' idiot. He's not worth your getting upset and feeling hurt. Chalk it up to learning. I guess the lesson is you just never know what people will do. The thing that struck me is that you were concerned about not hurting his feelings even after you realized that he had tricked you into meeting him. To hell with that! All too often we women worry so much about others' feelings that we neglect our own. I think we need to be on guard for when that happens and nip it in the bud. My two cents. Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

lost fiance' Posted: 3/31/2008 5:17:24 AM
How long has it been since your fiancé passed away?

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 273 (view)

Mr.Wright Posted: 3/24/2008 12:49:15 PM
Open THEIR minds. crap..can't believe I made that error. I do know the difference. I must have been so worked up over the subject matter that I made a mistake.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 71 (view)

I'm Dyin Here... Posted: 3/24/2008 9:28:02 AM
Hell no, you didn't make him gay. His being gay is not the bad part of what he did. Sounds like he's scum bag whether he's gay or not and you aren't responsible for his morals. You deserve something better. Believe me, many of us are having an impossible time finding someone worthy. You are not alone in that. Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 265 (view)

Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship? Posted: 3/23/2008 4:10:27 PM
If I find the right guy, there's no need to keep "fishing". Period. Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

Is Obama in trouble with the Reverend? Posted: 3/22/2008 8:54:24 PM
Squishsquash, to answer your question. Yes, unfortunately it has had a negative affect because people tend to have a knee jerk reaction to watching 30 second snippets of parts of a sermon or two. I listened to the whole sermon myself (the one that everyone's so worked up about) and the words that everyone freaked out about aren't even the Rev's words. He was actually quoting a white ambassador from the USA. (Can't recall the ambassador's name). I think, in time, when people get over their knee jerk reaction, they will listen to reason. I'm a die hard Obama supporter. I think he's brilliant. Soleil from Maine.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 231 (view)

Mr.Wright Posted: 3/22/2008 8:30:39 PM
You aren't talking to me, right? There's no way you could have gone and studied black history that fast.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 229 (view)

Mr.Wright Posted: 3/22/2008 8:24:52 PM
Insolent1, Why does it frighten you so if black people concern themselves with "black issues"? If that is what is needed in Rev. Wright's church, who are YOU to say what their focus should be? I suggest you educate yourself about black history here in this country. I don't mean go read a text book or history book. It's just glossed over there. I mean really delve into it. Read about lynchings. Look at some pictures. Imagine the races were reversed. Imagine it was your brother or father or son hanging from some tree. Or like a story I heard of a black man that was hanged on the city clock tower. The time stopped as his body hung there, a swinging silhouette, with the sun sinking down behind him. Can you even imagine that? How would you feel if that man were your loved one? I challenge you. I challenge you to discover the extent of suffering and maybe you can begin to understand why a person like Rev. Wright may feel that he needs to help lift his people up and "liberate" them as you say his church does. Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 227 (view)

Mr.Wright Posted: 3/22/2008 8:02:54 PM
I do not feel threatened or frightened by black liberation. I would stand beside them to stand up for it. Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 212 (view)

Mr.Wright Posted: 3/22/2008 12:05:08 PM
SimmahdahnNay..and wait til people actually open there minds and hear the whole sermon in context. Sensible people will surely see that there was really nothing scandalous in the first place happening here. People were just reacting the way that Obama's opponents wanted them to react. Come on, Americans! Some how we need to decide that fear is not going to be our guide. We are probably getting to be thought of as a pretty cowardly people who are easily swayed by fear. That is not us. ....right?? I hope not.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 211 (view)

Mr.Wright Posted: 3/22/2008 12:00:54 PM
Rev. Wright was right. If you haven't heard the whole sermon that those view seconds were clipped out of, then you need to see it. The words that so many found so scandalous, were actually words that Rev.Wright was quoting from, get this ..a white ambassador. Go here and check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOdlnzkeoyQ

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 357 (view)

Barack Obama’s longtime pastor. Posted: 3/22/2008 10:02:52 AM
I feel so sad that, when all is said and done, it seems like it's race relations that's going to do us in here in this country. Perhaps we are our own worst enemies. Slavery, Segregation, discrimination, Jim Crow Laws. like an ugly scar,not really healed, but a festering wound just beneath the surface. It won't go away because America won't let it heal. White people, in general, haven't truly acknowledged the pain and suffering the history has caused black people here. The history books we read in school just gloss over it. Many have come to think that by not having segregation anymore, or by having affirmative action, that there are no longer any problems. They don't feel the affects of the history themselves, so they think there are no lingering affects. They do not understand what it does to the collective psyche of generations of black Americans, to have been classified as "non persons" at some point in our history. And don't be fooled. There are people today that STILL believe that way about black people. So, I have to speak up. I am a white person, but I cannot condemn the remarks of Rev.Wright. I wasn't a black person growing up in the sixties. I never saw my brothers hanging from a tree by a noose or dragged through the streets, tied to the back of a truck driven by some members of the KKK. It is not for me to judge how angry Mr. Wright should be at America or how long he should feel so angry. I wish to God people could stop being so defensive and stop having such trigger reactions to things and try to instead understand where this intense anger comes from. That's the only way we are truly going to have racial harmony here. Look, people, there's no need for this. I know personally that no one needs to be racist if you just try to listen to the other side with compassion and understanding. I know this because I grew up in south Georgia in the 70's. I lived in a predominately black neighborhood. "ROOTS" was on TV and my siblings and I, being the only white kids around, bore the brunt of the anger of our classmates and neighbors. I'm not kidding. We paid dearly. I could have hated black people for that. But I chose not to. I chose to rise above it and try to understand their anger. I had a black friend at that time who was just about as dark skinned as you could get. She and I stuck together. She was ridiculed by blacks for being with me and I was ridiculed by whites for being with her. Through that I got some lessons in race relations and understanding that I probably would not have gotten otherwise. Anyway...I'll step off my soap box now. God help us. God Help us heal our wounds. They seem so incredibly deep. Obama 08!

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

signs the man you're talking to online is attached/married Posted: 3/2/2008 7:06:14 AM
Mogrl42- Right, if the guy is honest. ..and if he is honest, he would not be online looking for dates. Asking a married guy who is online looking for women if he is actually married is like asking a liar if he/she is lying. Know what I mean? I think it isn't just one thing that can tip him off, but a combination of things. The cell being the only number, by itself isn't cause of suspicion, but couple that with he's never available on weekends or certain times of the evening for even a phone call, he won't tell you where he lives...etc etc... There can be various other things that tip us off. The bottom line, people, is to trust your intuition. For the original poster, you know there is something fishy because you feel it in your gut. If you didn't have that feeling, you would not have needed to ask others. It's okay to seek some additional validation for what your thoughts were. I hope you got what you needed from folks on here. Good job not ignoring your intuition. Rose

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 60 (view)

Is it just me or does this scare others off as well? Posted: 2/27/2008 5:14:57 AM
Yes, trust your gut on this. Even if others didn't agree with you that there is something wrong in these guys' approach, if it feels wrong to YOU then, it IS wrong for you. It has been my experience, though, that guys that come on so strong like that are probably trying to play a game. They have one goal in mind and it's NOT to be seriously involved with you. They think they are telling you what you want to hear, that way they can woo you into a sexual relationship. Now, I realize that I am probably going to be attacked for saying what I just said here, frankly I don't care. But I will also add that I know that doesn't go for every guy out there. I'm only telling you from MY experience. The guy talks all sincere, as if he's serious, but I discover soon enough what it's all about when he tries to push the sex issue. Good job trusting yourself on this. I'd keep on that way if I were you.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 348 (view)

Expain the phrase My children are my top priority? Posted: 2/8/2008 7:31:57 PM
I always thought it sounded a bit defensive, actually, and a little assuming. I understand, I think, where the guys are coming from, but it does seem to imply that he thinks women are automatically going to try to come between him and his kids.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 1129 (view)

Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women. Posted: 1/31/2008 8:03:55 PM
ipicalCanada, I would like to inform you that you are not making any sense. Why did you say to me, "get over yourself"? ? That implies that I am full of myself. Where in my post do I say anything about myself that would give one the idea that I am self centered? I was saying rejection happens to most of us. And, anyway, yes, if the guy was black and worded it that way, I would have asked him the same question. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to pick up on the subtle racial piety in that original poster's tone. Perhaps he wasn't really aware of it himself. In any case, I don't know why YOU are all bent out of shape over it. You must be one of those white guys that gets all threatened by the least mention that someone black might get some consideration that you aren't getting or something. Maybe YOU are the one who needs to get over yourself. Chillax, dude. :-P

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 1127 (view)

Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women. Posted: 1/31/2008 7:54:19 PM
TipicalCanada, I would like to inform you that you are not making any sense. Why did you say to me, "get over yourself"? ? That implies that I am full of myself. Where in my post do I say anything about myself? And, anyway, yes, if the guy was black and worded it that way, I would have asked him the same question. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to pick up on the subtle racial piety in that original poster's tone. Perhaps he wasn't really aware of it himself. In any case, I don't know why YOU are all bent out of shape over it. You must be one of those white guys that gets all threatened by the least mention that someone black might get some consideration that you aren't getting or something. Maybe YOU are the one who needs to get over yourself. Chillax, dude. :-P

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 1122 (view)

Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women. Posted: 1/30/2008 5:14:16 AM
Are you implying that a white guy is a better "catch" just because of the fact that he is white? "Even for a good looking, educated white guy like me, internet dating is a very humbling experience." Maybe I misunderstood your point. Anyway, you're not right about women (at least not all of them) just sitting and getting dozens and dozens of emails and not replying. I actually make the first move a lot of the time. I don't get as many emails as you might think women get and I think I might be fairly attractive. For your information, we get rejected too. It's happened to me more times than I can remember. It's annoying when that happens, I know, but I just have to move on and not worry about it too much.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 184 (view)

I'm not sure if I intimidate guys, or if I am just butt ugly Posted: 1/29/2008 9:26:14 PM
Nah..you are gorgeous! Some guys just probably aren't attracted because of the nose ring. They probably read you wrong because of it. They make assumptions about you etc.etc.. That is NOT to suggest that you should change it if that is what you like, though. If you really want to keep the nose ring, sooner or later, you will meet someone who is not intimidated by it. And right..like someone said earlier..you are quite young yet. You have lots of time. Get out there and live, and laugh..and maybe..just maybe ,you will find ...love? ...sorry..yeah..that was hokey..but it just flowed out...sorry about that.. I'm not normally the sappy sort. Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 59 (view)

Do I contact him or wait? Posted: 1/29/2008 9:13:10 PM
SwtItalGal, give yourself some time to grieve...not only for the loss of your ex. (Yes, it is okay for you to grieve his death.) Also let yourself grieve the loss of a long term relationship. Give yourself a break. Of course you can't get him out of your head. That's normal. Cry about it sometimes, but then pick yourself up and try to occupy yourself with as many things that you love as possible. Spend time with friends. Treat yourself. Be kind to yourself. You are a caring, gentle, and unselfish person who deserves a very caring and unselfish guy. Please don't let this guy have lasting power over you. He sounds very controlling from what you said about him. Make a list of all the things about him that you don't like, so it will help you stop building him up this ideal romantic image in your mind. You're probably grieving over all the good times ..but for now..every time you think of something dreamy and romantic about him, stop and replace it with something that you didn't like about him... I say "for now", because there will come a time when you can think of him..the whole person..good times and bad and you will be okay with it.... YOU WILL BE OKAY IN TIME . ... I promise. Email me if you feel like it. Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 76 (view)

Your date and her unruley kid Posted: 1/25/2008 6:45:52 PM
The real unfortunate thing here isn't about you, sir. The real tragedy here is that the child is growing up in a crappy environment. It's no wonder he's so wild. Maybe the best thing you could have done, instead of trying to get busy with the mom, was to call Child Protective Services when you knew she went out and got plastered. I have to wonder where the child was when she was out drinking. What a mess! Anyway..I didn't even read your whole post that you wrote on the 22nd January. I don't feel bad for you. You can move on. The child, on the other hand, sounds doomed to a life of hell.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Do I contact him or wait? Posted: 1/23/2008 5:15:30 AM
You CAN get over him. It may seem like you can't right now, but believe me, no one deserves that much power in our lives. Don't give him that much power. I would suggest moving on. I know it's not easy, but you can do it. Whatever you do, I hope you don't decide to move there to be with him. Sounds like the relationship is destined for disaster. In the long run, I suspect you might regret it.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

Your date and her unruley kid Posted: 1/22/2008 12:36:29 PM
yes, I would. Again..I stand by everything I said earlier. I never said the woman was without fault. I was addressing the guy because is the one who wrote a post whining that he couldn't "get things going" with the kid in the way. This man expressed no concern for the child and the child's feelings and wellbeing in the matter. And how do I know he didn't have feelings for the woman? ...hello?? !! doesn't take a genious to figure that one out, buddy! (He left and didn't go back, but not before he at least tried to get a piece.) One more thing, genious! Your telling me to "get over" myself doesn't make any sense at all in relation to this conversation. No where in my text do I imply that I am full of myself. You, on the other hand, seem to be full of something..but it's not of yourself. You fill in the blank. ...if you can figure it out, that is.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Your date and her unruley kid Posted: 1/22/2008 8:31:14 AM
I never said the mom was faultless. I only said that, whatever her situation, she doesn't need a guy using her for sex (even if sex was all she thinks she wants)and then tossing her aside when he's done. My concern is for the kid, anyway. The fact that he was out at 11 pm (so he could run down the street) makes me concerned. What the.......?? I stand by what I said before. In my opinion, the original poster was acting like an insensitive pig, who was sticking around in hopes of getting laid in spite of how bad the situation looked. I don't have any pity for him. As far as the legality of prostitution, I have to say I don't know all the laws associated with it. I was only covering my behind lest anyone accuse me of suggesting the guy do something illegal.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Your date and her unruley kid Posted: 1/22/2008 6:23:31 AM
Sounds to me you were just using her for sex anyway, with the way that you casually mention that you "went home and did not return". As far as the boy not sleeping even late at night, the poor kid was probably wondering who this strange guy was in his mother's bed. I would imagine that could cause a considerable amount of anxiety in a young child and cause him to act out in a variety of ways. It looks like she indeed is having some problems with her kid(with the running down the street and all), and the last thing she needs is some guy using her for a piece of a$$ then ditching her like some kind of useless garbage when he's done. But then again, I suspect that my words here mean nothing to you, since you don't seem concerned in the least about the feelings of this woman and her kid anyway. I just hope she gets wise to men real fast and doesn't keep wasting her time with your type. One suggestion to you, sir, is if you are looking for meaningless sex, perhaps you should look for someone who is looking for the same and doesn't have a kid for you to have to inconvenience yourself with. I would suggest a prostitute, but that's illegal. Wouldn't want to encourage something illegal. (not that you're taking my advice anyway)

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

crushing on a someone a lot older..is he interested? Posted: 1/16/2008 7:25:07 PM
I would say, " Enjoy your crush." and leave it at that. (never mind that having a crush is really a major pain in the backside). It does sound like he finds you attractive and that he is flirtatious, but you also said he was doing that with someone else. When someone flirts with us, it's often a big ego booster. So, I would enjoy the flirtation probably (though it's probably not appropriate for him to be flirting with the nurses). I wouldn't get caught up emotionally in the whole thing though. Actually, this sounds like the kind of situation I might have found myself in when I was about your age. I would probably at the time say to myself " Go for the adventure! Get him in the sack! Sweeeet!" I'd tell myself I'm cool and I can be casual about it. But then, I would realize that I really can't and that's when I would get hurt like hell. Maybe you're different, but be very careful. And since you asked for our opinions, I would say steer very clear of anything really happening besides a little flirtation. PS- is the guy even single? I meant to ask that at the beginning.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Just My Break Up Story. NEVER Lie to a Person Posted: 1/7/2008 6:19:58 PM
That girl was an idiot. Yes, you will be alright. Work on taking care of yourself. I don't know what gave you the low self esteem, but perhaps a therapist can help you build your self-esteem. Good luck to you. Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

Just Venting....Think She's Cheating..... Posted: 1/2/2008 6:32:10 PM
Sounds like there might be something going on. Trust your gut, dude. I have to say. For those those who say "just ask her", asking a cheater if she/he is cheating is like asking a liar if she/he is lying. Get it?? Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Warning sign from a date? Posted: 12/21/2007 5:20:23 AM
Hmmm..so there was less under the cup when you got back from the restroom? Do you think that maybe she took some of it? If that's the case, that is so wrong on so many levels. 1.) It's none of her business how much you wish to tip. 2. ) Was that your first date with this person? If so, even less of her business and how dare she?! 3.) If she took some of it, she stole from you! What makes her think that IF you put too much for a tip that SHE should be entitled to it instead of the wait person who earned the tip? HUH??? I could go on about how wrong it was on so many levels, but I have to get going here. I would definitely see this as indication of many problems to come with this person should you keep seeing her. I would not continue seeing the person if I were in this position.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 218 (view)

He is friends with many of the women he has had sex with. I don't get it. Posted: 12/18/2007 5:53:33 AM
yeah..I'd say " get out of this one." Sounds like he's having his cake and eating it too. I don't even want to think of the potential for STD's in this situation...and you could be the beneficiary of all that he might pass on to you. Don't you think you deserve better than that? Soleil

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

Insane guy? Posted: 12/16/2007 6:38:49 PM
He's either messed up, confused, a player, unsure of what he wants, crazy, insensitive or whatever else..who knows? Don't waste your time trying to figure out why is acting like he is. You will NEVER get the answer, believe me. Another thing I'd say is don't believe someone so fast. If someone is coming on so strong so fast, I tend to be wary. That's just my two cents. Good luck to you.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 570 (view)

I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice? Posted: 12/9/2007 2:49:57 PM
Those guys that did this to you are scum! It did not happen to you because of anything about you. Rebecca, you are NOT worthless. They are jerks who took advantage of you. I have to ask. How old are these guys that did this to you anyway? Are they older than you? You are very young, so I am wondering if they might actually have committed statutory rape by even having consensual sex with you. Please, please seek help. Don't try to handle this by yourself. Talk to a school counselor, or friends. Call a crisis hot line. Here is a web site with crisis hot line numbers. http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/crisis_hotlines.htm or call this national rape crisis hot line number. 1-800-656-4673 Listen, this is time for you to focus on you and YOUR future. I know this sounds cliché, but it is sooooo true. It's okay and natural to have an interest in boys and to even want to have a boyfriend at your age, but it is REALLY important for you to focus on school. What do you want to do with your life? Think about it, make a goal, seek out guidance to help you achieve that goal. By doing this, you will be building your own sense of self worth. You ALREADY ARE worthy of being treated well, but you just don't believe it yet. Never mind those stupid guys who are hoping to use you for sex. Tell them all to go to hell because you are waaaaaaaaay too good to be used. You don't need them because you are capable and you are beautiful. And one last thing, you have more strength in you than you ever realized. Dig deep. It's in there. ...and you are about to prove it by calling a crisis hot line and taking care of business with your life. Please email me and let me know how you are doing. I care. Sincerely, Soleil (PS- please don't focus on meeting any guys from off this website. So many of them are up to no good. I would be horrified to learn that my daughter was dating guys from off of one of these sites at 17 years of age.)

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

Be careful out ther ladies Posted: 11/27/2007 6:19:43 PM
MaryJaneB, I have learned not to waste time and energy trying to figure out why some guy behaved the he did in cases like these. You could try to figure it out forever and a day and you'd never have an answer. Who knows? Some people are just jerks and don't deserve the time and attention of someone sincere. I don't EVER give that many chances for someone to let me down. Seriously, even if a guy cancels on me once , there needs to be a real reason for canceling. Furthermore he needs to call me to let me know, not email. If he gives me some vague reason, I'm done with him. I have good intuition, so usually my gut will tell me if he's full of it. Granted, there is a remote possibility my gut could be wrong, but I'd rather take my chances on that then go ahead with something that just feels wrong. Good for you for finally dumping him.

soleil2020

Joined: 7/28/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Pretty people get overlooked too you know. Posted: 11/27/2007 4:18:44 PM
wow..that wasn't very nice kathareeene. What's wrong with someone admitting that they feel that they are attractive? I don't think the point of the post was to brag, so you don't need to get all defensive toward her. That makes you look jealous. ..and you wouldn't be jealous would you? PS...I KNOW I'm hot too! Are you going rag on me now for say thing that?

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