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bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

Why Friends? Posted: 4/16/2009 12:41:55 PM
I think if someone's profile appeals to you, but you are turned off by the fact that they chose "friends" then you should just ask them why. There are as many different answers as there are people on here. I've been thinking of changing mine to friends, because so far that's all I've met anyway. With "dating" most men who contacted me seemed to think it meant I wanted to sleep with alot of men. Not so, I would like to date men to find out if they are the real deal and the one with whom I could form a long term commitment. But with "long term" chosen, they seem to think that I am on a singular mission to get married. And though I would like to get married again some day (I think), I really want to take my time to get to know the person first. I can't imagine hanging out, dating, intimate encounter, long term, etc... with someone who was NOT first and foremost, my FRIEND.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend. Posted: 12/30/2008 11:53:31 AM
I think xMiss Angel has been hanging out with the same guys as me.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 144 (view)

Stalkers? How many have you gotten from POF? Posted: 12/30/2008 11:38:25 AM
After reading Sacred Journey's description, I think I've been a stalker. Wow, that opened my eyes to what I have been doing to an ex. I really hadn't thought of myself as being manipulative, but I guess I have been. Sometimes you just want something so bad, that you let that want cloud your judgment. Thank you for your post.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 47 (view)

If you came home and found your partner in bed with another... Posted: 9/19/2008 5:36:57 PM
I'd probably just quietly say, Oh, don't mind me. And then start calmly packing all his stuff. What would happen next would depend on his/their reaction. I probably wouldn't "lose it" until after they left. But I'd never have anything to do with him again.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 99 (view)

Slam dunk! Posted: 9/15/2008 6:50:16 PM
I tend to be a bit on the quiet side. Never had any complaints about it though. I do moan some. Never been with a really noisy guy. The last man I was with, was on the quiet side also, but he'd talk some, very sexy...

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER Posted: 9/13/2008 6:14:08 PM
I think that is what a person should do when dating... if after a few dates, you know there is no chemistry, why continue to date, if what you are looking for is a long term relationship? I would not want to date someone, just for the sake of dating, or just so I have something to do. And while I agree with the concept of waiting for the right partner, there are times I really just want a date! I love to dance, so I do put myself out there, at dance class, dances around the area, and other dance activities put on by the area dance clubs. This has resulted in exactly one invitation for a date. And it was a guy who I had absolutely no interest in dating. (Many reasons). So I continue to hope and pray that there is someone out there for me.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Am I being too picky? Posted: 9/13/2008 2:50:11 PM
I think you do what works for you. Me, I'm open to a LDR. I have lived in this town of 5000 people for over 30 years. Not much to choose from as far as dating goes. I do have children and grandkids here, and I know that I would miss them, but I'd work that out. My parents live 2000 miles from here, and they have a great relationship with all their grandkids. So I would definitely be willing to move for the right man. Or not move, if that works for us.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 76 (view)

CROSSDRESSING Posted: 9/13/2008 8:24:24 AM
I am not open to dating or being with a crossdresser. I believe in live and let live, but that life style is just not for me. I dated a crossdresser, though when he told me about it, it ended the relationship. We continued to communicate for awhile, but he was so different. When he dressed, it was for sexual gratification and he was into all kinds of weird fetish stuff that we did not do during our dating. It was as if he had a completely different personality when he dressed, and it was not compatible with me. Now he spends most of his time dressed as a woman, so I believe is more of a transexual, than a crossdresser, but no matter, we have no contact anymore.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Physical relationship stays strong; emails and attention significantly decrease. Posted: 9/11/2008 4:45:32 AM
Afashionlady beat me to it. ^^^ what she said!

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

Clearing the palate Posted: 9/9/2008 7:02:44 PM
I can't say I have ever noticed an weird feeling, and no, I'm not a smoker. Then again, it's been a loonnnggg time. Maybe a faulty memory, lol.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

What do you NOT like about sex? Posted: 9/9/2008 6:55:42 PM
Pretty much agree with produceninja's list.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 224 (view)

Why do men ask me what do I do for a living? Posted: 9/8/2008 9:05:10 PM
I just can't imagine not telling someone what I do for a living. It's where I spend a great deal of my time. Even though it doesn't have to be a major topic of conversation, it's bound to come up at some point. And I would hope he was interested enough in me to want to know how I spend my time. I would be very suspicious of anyone who would NOT tell me what they do for a living.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

When is the ex too much? Posted: 9/8/2008 4:44:58 AM
Juliet, you are right. The only communication one should have with the ex, IMO, is when it concerns the kids. A friend of mine turned down an invitation to go out to supper with a group of friends, because the ex was cooking him supper that night. Things like this to me are ridiculous. It's not moving on with your life, it's holding on to the past. They definitely need to cut the cord.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

When You Stop Looking You Will Find What You're Looking For. Posted: 9/6/2008 3:33:48 PM
I really hate when people say things like this. It's right up there with "you have to love yourself before you can love someone else." I want someone in my life, so why would I stop looking? I have a great life. I have my health, a great family, a job, a car. I know how to have fun. So, yes, I look. And someday, I will find.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

When is the ex too much? Posted: 9/6/2008 3:12:51 PM
I think there is a difference between remaining friendly and being too friendly. I think it's great when exes can behave in a civilized manner and be there for their kids. BUT come on people, this is too much. If he's on the road, and needs his garbage taken out, let the next door neighbor do it, or the son. She still cooks for him sometimes? I think that is crazy. It's time for them both to move on and get new lives. Exes should be just that, exes. If this guy is as great as you say he is, talk to him. Maybe he doesn't even realize how you feel about it. I'm sure if he wants to be with you, he will be open to spending less time with her and not depending on her too much.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Confused: What did I do wrong? Posted: 9/6/2008 2:41:13 PM
He does sound like a nut case. But I do have to say that if I am corresponding with someone and I don't get a pic after a couple of emails, I don't keep emailing. Call me shallow or whatever, but I want to SEE who I am talking to. But for the rest of it, I think you are very wise to move on.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 369 (view)

Any bbw hypocrites? Posted: 9/5/2008 7:24:37 PM
I am not huge, but certainly not thin either. But I prefer my men tall and thin. Does that make me a hypocrite? I don't really care. The last 3 men I dated were all 6'3", very thin, and all electricians. (Not sure what's up with that?) I did not search them out, every one of them approached me. Only one I met online first, the other 2 I met IRL. So if the tall, thin guys are attracted to someone like me, does that make them hypocrites too?

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

Why do tall big men want tiny women ? Posted: 9/5/2008 4:39:42 PM
Personally, I find rock man's posts to be quite humorous. OT - I think it's ridiculous to make such blanket statements as this. Not all tall men want tiny women. 'nough said.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 382 (view)

ETHNIC ATTRACTION... Posted: 9/5/2008 4:28:38 PM
Well, I probably won't get any popularity votes here, but , I do not date outside my race. No, I'm not a racist. I have friends of every color. But I don't date them. Just not interested, and honestly, I couldn't tell you why. It's certainly not because I don't find them attractive! But there is a difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to them. I really could not care less if anyone dates outside their race, totally their preference. Totally a non-issue for me, except when posting in threads such as this!

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 212 (view)

Red flag statements or questions Posted: 9/5/2008 4:08:04 PM
I agree with you, Rock man. Asking what a person does for a living is not a red flag at all. It's an important part of who a person is. NOT answering the question would be much more of a red flag to me. Asking how much I make at my job, or if I have investments, etc... THAT is a different story. I also will not date anyone that doesn't have a vehicle, so that is something I might ask about very early on. A lot of what people are calling red flags are to me, just conversation starters. I might ask if you own your home, what do you drive, what do you do for a living, what's your favorite food, movie, color, what do you do for fun, do you have any pets, etc. All in the attempt to get to know you. NOT because of some ulterior motive or sinister plot.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 244 (view)

why are there so many men without photos.......... Posted: 9/5/2008 3:46:50 PM
If a man contacts me and has no pic, I simply ask to see one. If he has an excuse not to send one, so be it, but I won't be talking to him. If he sends one, great. Then, as Jen stated, if there's any attraction, we're good to continue to get to know each other.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 2152 (view)

Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women. Posted: 9/5/2008 3:24:19 PM
I haven't read all 89 pages but I sure don't see how it sucks for guys, good for women. Not the case for me. I sure don't get 200 messages a week. In fact I consider it a good week if I get one. As far as making first contact, I don't have luck there either. Almost every (not ALL) message I have sent out has been read/deleted with no response. I'm not having a pity party or whining and complaining. Just stating the facts as they apply to me.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 49 (view)

the ex, and the ex and again the ex Posted: 9/5/2008 4:43:42 AM
I think it really does depend on the context. If he is relating a story from his past and the ex comes up, that's pretty normal, since it's just a fact of life. But the fact that it's often enough to bother OP, it seems to me this is more than just "mentioning" her. I have a friend who talks about his ex all the time. She is way too involved in his life for some reason. He is always doing things for her, fixing things on the house, etc. She makes meals for him. He had a bbq at his house for a bunch of friends and he invited the ex. And yes, she was there. I thought it rather odd. My ex, is just that, my EX. I understand about remaining friends, but not actually hanging out, etc. The kids are grown, so no reason to remain in contact if you ask me. But to each his own. Keeping such close contact with the ex, would tell someone (maybe both) are not ready to move on.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

I always date the same man... Posted: 9/4/2008 7:32:18 PM
I know it's not quite the same thing, but the last three guys I dated were all electricians. Now my first question is to ask what they do for a living because I think I need to stay away from electricians. None of them were good relationships.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

Need advice, how do I take it from FWB to a relationship Posted: 9/2/2008 5:00:35 PM
I think most everyone, not all, have given you good advice. FWB almost never becomes a romantic relationship. Believe me, he knows you want more, and if he wanted more he would already be there. All the nicey nice stuff, the talks, being more friendly is just a ruse to be sure you don't end your FWB relationship with him. Of course, this is just my opinion, but it is based on experience.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 69 (view)

Strange smells, I like the smell of skunk Posted: 9/2/2008 4:11:17 PM
Cinnamon Glue Fresh baked apple pie or fresh applesauce The woods right after it rains Freshly washed sheets

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 422 (view)

Why do women find sex on a first date so weird? Posted: 8/26/2008 7:22:40 PM
I don't know if women find sex "weird" on a first date. But what I find weird is that men seem to expect it, or use the whole "you're trying to control me by not giving in" routine. I actually had a man tell me that we would have sex on the first meet, because there was no better way to get to know someone than to have sex with them. Ummm, I don't think so. But he wasn't going to "waste his time on someone who wasn't going to put out." I wonder how that's working for him?? I know a few people for whom sex on the first date has turned into a good relationship, but I would think they are few and far between. If I choose to wait until sex feels right for me in the relationship, I am in no way trying to control the man by withholding. If he doesn't think I am worth waiting for, then he's probably not the man for me. If he DOES think I'm worth waiting for, I probably won't make him wait too long. Deciding when to become intimate is a personal decision between the two people involved. There is no right or wrong answer as to when. What is right for one couple is not the same as for another couple. But it should be a mutual decision, one shouldn't be pressured into it. And Dawn, I hate to disagree with you, but many people, especially men, are quite capable of having sex without emotion. I could probably go on and on about this, but most points have already been made. My belief is to just do what's right for you and don't let anyone else tell you that it's weird or you are not normal or whatever.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Have You Ever Been Someone's All? Posted: 8/22/2008 7:56:09 PM
I have no idea what that would be like. I have never been anyone's "all." But I would imagine it is a burden, as is being someone's "nothing at all." In relationships, as in most of life, BALANCE is key.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Sex = Overrated Posted: 8/21/2008 3:34:33 PM
^^^^ above two posters said what I was thinking...

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 61 (view)

A lot of women don't like sex? Posted: 8/20/2008 4:40:05 AM
having sex with a man might actually make him stay. Unfortunately too many women think this way. And too many men lead women to believe this. But then they leave anyway... As for women not liking sex. I think it's all been covered. For me, I love sex. Just truly prefer to have it with someone with whom I have an emotional attachment.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Ever had a Friend with Benefits and was it a good thing for you? Posted: 8/20/2008 4:22:30 AM
I have and no, it was not a good thing. I can't have sex without emotions involved. Although it took care of immediate needs, the empty feeling after was not worth it to me. And though we continued the (non)relationship for awhile, I became too attached and had to end it.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

My First Date Posted: 8/14/2008 4:19:46 PM
I would just send her a polite note, telling her you had a nice time, but don't feel that you would be a match. If she persists in emailing after that, I'd just ignore it. You don't owe her anything.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 146 (view)

Do hearts harden with age? Posted: 8/7/2008 3:48:05 PM
I agree that it's not age, but experiences that hardens hearts. I prefer to think that I have become more discerning, not hardened.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Would you date someone who posts their experiences in this forum? Posted: 4/22/2008 10:44:39 AM
I think it would definitely depend on the manner in which they posted. If they come off as a whiny complainer who posts every little detail, I might be scared off. If they were relating their dating experiences in a humorous way, I probably wouldn't have a problem. I've related some bizarre things that have happened to me. I don't think posting about your experiences is a bad thing, but to be a habitual poster about "why did this happen to me?" or " how could she do that to me" etc. would raise some red flags. I have posted about a bad date, but it's done anonymously and not intended to trash anyone. Just relating an experience. If the guy it was about read it, so what? It was a bad date, I'm not likely to want to hear from him again anyway.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Do large women like large men? Posted: 4/16/2008 9:16:57 PM
I am an overweight woman, but I am USUALLY attracted to skinny men. I have no idea why that is. I usually prefer tall also. Having said that, I just met a short, athletic built guy who I am very much attracted to, so will have to see where that goes. I know plenty of guys with great personalities that I'm not attracted to. They're called "friends". Thank you for putting into words my thoughts!

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

Too Fast? Posted: 4/16/2008 8:59:40 PM
I think you were perfectly reasonable to ask to meet. I had a guy IM me on here and we set up a meet for that night. Had a very nice time! Not a match, but we still talk on occasion. I would much rather get to know someone by actually meeting and talking than to email and chat for ages. Unless time and distance are a problem, I prefer to meet as soon as possible. And a cup of coffee, is a safe way to go IMO.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 81 (view)

The Kinky Test Posted: 4/9/2008 7:52:06 PM
506 Kinkier than most. I can live with that, lol.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 462 (view)

Men Blacklisting Women?? Posted: 4/6/2008 7:21:13 AM
What about the other way around? I've been here for almost 8 months and I'm only on 2 mens favorites list. Does that indicate that NO one finds me interesting enough to bookmark me? Will men blacklist women who aren't attractive to others? Just a thought...

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Do women think less of a guy in his 40s who doesnt have children? Posted: 4/5/2008 3:01:25 PM
For me it doesn't really matter if a man has kids or doesn't. Life is like that, ya know? The only thing I have a problem with is dating a man with young children. Been there, done that. I'm at the point in my life where I don't have to worry about babysitters or going to school functions, etc. (Well, except for going to grandkid's activities, if I so choose.) I have a friend who is 38 and has never had kids, but you couldn't imagine a guy who loves kids more than him. To see him with his nieces and nephews is great. He really would have made a great dad, but that's probably not in his future. I sure don't think any less of him for not having had kids.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 227 (view)

Have you ever loved someone enough to let them go? Posted: 4/3/2008 4:36:31 AM
No, I can't say I have. The ones I loved who left, I didn't "let" go. They went, because they did not love me. Unless I wanted to become a stalker, I had no choice in the matter.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 115 (view)

now that you are OLDER/MIDDLE AGED, do you spend less time on grooming? Posted: 4/1/2008 2:26:42 PM
I spend more time now, simply because I have more time. I've always taken good care of myself, good hygiene, etc. But at this age, I see so many who just don't care, and they look terrible! Smell awful! It's a pity. Word1948, I think that a lot of men and women, too, have probably heard that same thing, and probably are guilty of it. But better late than never, and hopefully the good habits remain with you (them).

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 124 (view)

Who Is Most Likely To Marry AGAIN? Posted: 3/30/2008 9:43:34 AM
Ok, I didn't read all 5 pages of this, but I think that it really depends on the person and their past experiences. My ex loved being married, he wasn't faithful to me, but he really "liked" all the security, family, having someone to cook, clean etc. He did not want the divorce. He is far more ready to remarry than I am. He wants to recapture what he enjoyed about marriage. I have a friend whose wife treated him VERY badly, numerous affairs, false accusations to police, etc. etc. HE has no desire to get remarried. I have no burning desire to remarry again, but IF the right person came along, I'm sure I wouldn't be opposed to it either, at some point. I'm really not sure about that...

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 58 (view)

Does plenty of fish really work for you compared to other dating sites? Posted: 3/28/2008 8:09:37 PM
I have met a few men from here, but nothing clicked. That's more than I can say about any other site, and real life isn't working much for me either, so I guess POF is still on top. I mostly come and play here on the forums, but as I have said before, not giving up hope of finding someone. I haven't gotten an email in weeks, so it might be awhile before I find him though!

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

TV Show Trap or Legit Chance to Help Her? Posted: 3/28/2008 4:22:00 AM
So she must have initiated this, by calling up the tv show, saying that she was always dating the wrong guys, etc? I mean, that must be how they got this all in motion? Seems to me that she is attention seeking and manipulative. No matter how "reputable" this show is, they were going to "turn it on her" so more sensationalism. I hope you said no, and got as far away as possible from the whole mess.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 67 (view)

The Best Profile Appeals to the Most People? Posted: 3/25/2008 12:23:28 PM
jeff, your profile may be long winded, but it certainly is interesting.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Why is it so hard to keep teeth and gums healthy? Posted: 3/25/2008 12:08:27 PM
I've always taken very good care of my teeth. I just wish they were straighter. Growing up, my parents didn't think I needed braces (I did!) When I was married, my husband would never allow me to spend that kind of money on anything so foolish! Now I am 51, and I still think about doing something, but not sure it's worth it any more. Anyone had any experience with straightening teeth at this age?

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

What have you given up because of gas prices? Posted: 3/25/2008 11:57:54 AM
pubic transportation system

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 54 (view)

Re: Can Two People Really Meet and Begin a Relationship in a Forum? Posted: 3/24/2008 3:05:59 PM
I sure hope so! Otherwise a lot of us are wasting our time, looking for a long term relationship. I'm here on the forums most of the time, but do search occasionally. I still have hope of finding Mr. Right.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

Falling in love without having had sex yet, is it possible? Posted: 3/22/2008 4:40:03 AM
Of course it is possible to fall in love with someone without having had sex. But I also agree that you can fall out of love if you are not sexually compatible. My ex and I were not sexually compatible and that played a huge part in the demise of our marriage.

bdrt

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 83 (view)

how did you know when you were done with a former relationship? Posted: 3/22/2008 4:27:26 AM
x-husband: Not sure about one deciding moment, but he cheated, I didn't care anymore, had nothing more to say to him, was repulsed by the thought of sleeping with him, tempted to cheat myself, definitely time to get out. x-bf: when he told me he wanted to become a woman. x-lover: when he said I'm gone.

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