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cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Asking-a-guy, about Dating over 45, & holiday expectations Posted: 11/22/2009 6:30:46 PM
"unrealistic to have expected holidays together" If you had expected it before the strong invite, yes. But, you didn't. He insisted it was worth it... and then retracted the invitation later. That wasn't an expectation - it was an offer retracted. You have every right to be disappointed. It is important to feel disappointed when something we've been planning falls through. It is equally important to learn any lessons in the experience and not let the single experience ruin a budding relationship. You now know... for future reference and lowering of expectation ... that this person retracts offers. Ok. once is only a yellow flag. grins. Only an issue if you are shocked that it might happen again.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group? Posted: 11/22/2009 5:53:07 PM
"Maybe if people started "squandering" a little more affection, a lot of senseless acts against humanity would lessen." I agree. I just had a celebratory lunch with a group of friends. We all showed affection with each other... including hugs all around as we departed after enjoying smiles and laughes and good food and ... a good time with lots of affection for all. We trust each other. We trust each other to care and we trust that if something one of us says hurts then we likely took it the wrong way cause we know that none of us would intentionally hurt any one of us ... or the person made a mistake... and we know we've made our share of those. Because we have earned our trusts we can risk affection and know we won't be rejected. So, that is one way people can feel free to be affectionate... or not. However, I'm willing to bet there are lots of reasons ... more each and every year of life ... why people stop risking being affectionate and claim not to need it.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

Commitment, a unique or generalized pledge? Posted: 11/19/2009 3:53:29 PM
"My idealogy of commintment has changed. Before, I thought marriage was the ultimate commitment, whereas now a life partnership is my aspiration." Well said. At 19 I had this fantasy of living for 100s of years (by the time we were over 50 I figured they'd have figured out how to replace all the wearing out parts) totally 'joined at the hip.' Doing everything together. Totally in synch. la la la la la. Since we would have built it together we would have owned it all together. Today I have built it and I'd love to have a monogamou life partner, but I am not interested in merging what we have built by getting married. No name changing or financial mixing for me. No joined at the hip.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 275 (view)

Do you like the USA? Posted: 11/12/2009 11:44:32 PM
"Anyone that equates someone else making money, especially large amounts, legally, with greed, is simply jealous and thinks they deserve some of their money." Still not true ... for the same reasons as I gave before. Many previously illegal business transactions were changed to legal transactions during the Bush administration ... and even in Clinton's ... which have facilitated the greed of those making large amounts of money to the detriment of the society as a whole. Short term gains for a few which harm many people who are hard working Americans living decent, moral, ethical, financially responsible lives. If some greedy person wants to take greedy risks and they are the only one at risk ... that is on them. However, when the laws are changed such that the greed of the few is paid for at the expense of all of thosse who were not greedy, that isn't good.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 807 (view)

Oct 5th entry in My Utmost for His Highest....defining sin Posted: 11/12/2009 11:35:54 PM
"one would not be punished by God for his "sins", but rather would have a karmic response to his actions. " Isn't this just 2 ways of saying the same thing? Along the lines of 'newt see salamander" Punished for sins or karmic response both result in the same outcome just using different words to get there.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 266 (view)

Do you like the USA? Posted: 11/10/2009 8:14:04 AM
" Anyone that complains about greed is simply jealous of the rich and thinks they deserve some of their money. " Your assumption in this claim is that all people are materialistic. I am not. I have more than enough to pay for my modest needs and am very generious in my charitable works with my excess money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I have been happy and unhappy in both financial states. I have no desire for the lifestyle of the materialistic. I have my own money which I work to earn, I do not desire or deserve theirs. Greed is a sin. It corrupts. It causes people to pass laws to make things legal so that they are not legally wrong to do ... but they are still morally wrong to do. A law cannot changed the morality of the act, only the social acceptability. The rich are not the only people who are greedy and corrupted by greed. Those who believe they are entitled when doing nothing are just as corrupted by greed. No one is entitled to anything but the opportunity.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Fort Hoodwink? Posted: 11/10/2009 8:01:03 AM
"including a religion that tells it's followers to vow to kill anyone that doesn't belive like they do." Keep in mind that there are Christian religions who teach their members to hate and kill those who do not believe as they do, too. Much killing has been done in the name of god over the centurie and in this century already in the name of god and christ. The reports that the relationship between the Maj and the person who was a known spiritual advisor of some of the 9/11 terrorists was being monitored does bother me extensively. It tends to add credibility to the stories that the 9/11 people were being monitored before their attack. We seem to have the wrong people watching the henhouse.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 201 (view)

Health care Posted: 11/10/2009 7:51:31 AM
"You ask Americans if they want a Government Run, Universal Health Care take over... and You won't find that being the majority." And the bill that passed the house doesn 't offer this either. Saying it does, does not make it true. Fear mongering about government control doesn't make it true. I am with those who are tired of private insurance jacking up the costs so very high that I actually get better health coverage paying with cash than I would if I could get health coverage which I cannot get due to a pre-existing condition. Shame on me, I had a pre-cancerous mole removed. Now I can't get coverage. No fear mongering ... that's the truth. HIPAA requirement that they offer severely limited coverage at over $900 a month is ridiculous to put it mildly. But, that's the insurance agencies methods that all the anti-government option people are trying soooooo hard to protect Will you all anti- people kindly check to see who it is you are out to protect? It sure isn't your own health care. The insurance companies control of your health is so much worse than any other option could possibly be. They are the ones already doing and controlling your health in ways that government option in other countries has not done. They have proven to be what you say you fear the government will be. Government option in other countries has proven not to be what you say you fear.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 743 (view)

Oct 5th entry in My Utmost for His Highest....defining sin Posted: 11/8/2009 8:08:56 PM
rococco "Nobody ties anybody hands these days about what books can be studied. The dead sea scrolls exhibit was absolutely fascinating (I saw it in Charlotte). Those ancient written words were so fascinating that it made me want to learn the language they were written in. We are all free to read! " Some religious sects tie the hands and minds of their members by requiring all support for their positions to be solely from the translation they use of their bible. Many Catholics do not know that Catholicism does not do this. Many don't realize that it is part of Catholicism that many writings since the bible are believed to be inspired, too. Reading and learning and questioning is not only encouraged but the bible is quoted as 'faith without question is no faith' ... we are supposed to question and search.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 742 (view)

Oct 5th entry in My Utmost for His Highest....defining sin Posted: 11/8/2009 8:03:11 PM
"This attitude of believing that your way is the only way is not right in my eyes. " Isn't this exactly why the Jews crucified Christ? He was teaching things other than what the Jewish leaders were teaching.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 155 (view)

Health care Posted: 11/8/2009 11:06:43 AM
" Just wait until the Democrat Representatives who voted for this bill start hearing from their constituents about it. " They have been hearing. The pro-health democrats have a very highly organized phoning and in-person petitioning and web based petitioning system in place. That campaign will now move from contacting House Reps to contacting Senators. Those who contribute across state lines will also be pressuring across state lines.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 154 (view)

Health care Posted: 11/8/2009 11:05:01 AM
"Is govt health care constitutional???" It will come under the interpretation of the phrase 'provide for the general welfare' which has been held up as a justification for such programs with some disagreeing with this interpretation as shown on this ink: http://eh.net/bookreviews/library/0887

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 718 (view)

Oct 5th entry in My Utmost for His Highest....defining sin Posted: 11/8/2009 10:59:25 AM
"but really, just look at the Bible and look at the Catholic Church. There is hardly any similarity at all. Of course the same can be said for nearly all churches, but the most obvious is the Catholic Church, who base everything they do on what those "church fathers" did." Most people - even Catholics - don't know that there are very very few basic statements that are 'the Catholic Church' and only a few canon laws that apply those basic statements. Everything else... all the things the pope's, cardinals, bishops, priests say ... are only current teachings based upon current interpretations of traditions. Catholicism is based solely on those few basic statements and canon laws which have not been changed in many decades. (I'd have to look it up, but the last I recall might have been in an encyclical in the 1950s). Those statements are still highly aligned with the first century Catholicism (which was the only form of Christianity at that time).

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 56 (view)

What ever happened to Dating Around? Posted: 11/8/2009 10:49:55 AM
" I don't know that it is true that people tended, in the 40's, to date multimple people at the same time. " I can't speak to the 40's, but all my older sisters were dating in the 50's and they moved from one 'steady' boyfriend to the next until they got to the point of having found the one they married. They did group activities until 'steady' I do not expect someone dating me to be exclusive with me until such time we agree to being exclusive and having sex. That will take awhile, but I won't set a timer on it. I am fine if they are honest about dating others. If they lie to me about that topic than I am going to anticipate they will lie about that topic in the future, too. That is an area in which lieing is a deal breaker for me. I will not have sex with someone who is also having sex with anyone else regardless of the protections used. I have no intention of having my children explain to my grandchildren that gra'ma died of an STD.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Captivating qualities? Posted: 11/8/2009 12:48:55 AM
MM " the last time I felt captivated ... it was, in part, because HE appeared captivated by ME! a mutual captivation! doesn't get better than that! " Yep... when I feel he is impressed with what I have to say ... mentally stimulating and respectful conversations .... I looked back over prior relationships and that was always the common factor in the initial attractions ... the feeling of being respected by someone I respected.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 228 (view)

Do you like the USA? Posted: 11/8/2009 12:39:49 AM
"we are supposed to immulate the rest of the world that is waaaay behind us so that we can dumb down to their level." You might want to study a little bit more about the countries you are calling 'dumb down to their level' EU countries are not 'waaay behind us'

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 226 (view)

Do you like the USA? Posted: 11/8/2009 12:30:52 AM
"I can't imagine the U.S. can force citizens to buy something, or face criminal prosecution. " By law in CA you must have insurance to drive a car or face criminal prosecution. If CA can do that, why can't the feds? As a centrist I am happy tonight. I got both health care and restrictions on some abortions. yea.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 183 (view)

Do you like the USA? Posted: 11/7/2009 8:56:46 AM
"You are right that the parents are to be held accountable for not being responsible gun owners. " And everyone I know who is in favor of gun control is for the regulations we need to require people to be 'responsible gun owners' Not dipsy doodles like Bush's buddy who shot his hunting buddy.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 182 (view)

Do you like the USA? Posted: 11/7/2009 8:55:04 AM
"Actually the numbers were pretty close.........damn close.......to even suggest McCain made a mistake..... not to mention his worst mistake.......is highly inaccurate" On the contrary, you just proved my point. That 3% of the votes that Sarah P cost him likely cost him the election. The woman is a disgrace to womenkind.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 174 (view)

Do you like the USA? Posted: 11/7/2009 12:42:37 AM
"asking if South Africa was it's own continent." .... "Well a little mistakey, as if anyone is perfect. " Little? Oh, my, I do hope that was tongue in cheek. Too often Sarah P did worse on answers than those Leno would ask questions of on the street. I don't want those street people in federal congress or presidency either. Then again, maybe it is those who fail Leno's street questions that can't seem to figure out that being more internationally informed than Sarah P is essential to the role. Can't figure out that she is totally unqualified for the job. worst mistake McCain made.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 173 (view)

Do you like the USA? Posted: 11/7/2009 12:35:33 AM
"I never said I was an educator. I just happen to teach teachers. " huh? A person who teaches teachers is not an educator? OOooooooooo.... my colleagues will be so disappointed to hear this. Maybe that is what is wrong with education ... the teachers are not educators. n

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 98 (view)

Why people stick with their own Posted: 11/5/2009 5:08:54 PM
matchlight "The main--really the only--purpose of a corporation is to make as much profit as it can, within the limits of the law." .... Not everyone invests solely for short term gain greed. I don't. I do have a requirement that my investments have to be limited to socially responsible companies. I am not the only one. This is not the only time. Many of us in the apartheid movement set aside greed as the only motivator and we did impact businesses choices of who they did business with ... and we changed the face of Africa with our socially responsible actions matchlight: "I don't know what you mean by "socially responsible," or who these firms are. " I went and did a quick look for most current information on the web and thought you might find this information educational. Even the greedie companies are learning that social responsibility is more cost effective. In fact, in 2010 ISO will be adding 26000 as the standard for socially responsible behaviors for businesses. See http://isotc.iso.org/livelink/livelink?func=ll&objId=3935837&objAction=browse&sort=name Try this set of statistics http://www.bsr.org/reports/BSR_GlobeScan_Poll_2009_FactSheet.pdf Here is the link to UC Berkeley's site http://www.haas.berkeley.edu/responsiblebusiness/ Here is the link for the socially responsible business awards http://www.sociallyresponsibleawards.org/ I found several investment groups that include social responsibility in their criteria as does this example http://www.parnassus.com/how-we-invest/default.aspx I could undoubtedly add more for hours as some of us are just fed up with greed... which happens to be one of the 7 deadly sins.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 95 (view)

Do you like the USA? Posted: 11/5/2009 4:37:52 PM
"Having seen you pretend to know the law about carrying concealed weapons, and then make very clear you do not," On the contrary, I went and got a copy of the law, which you confirmed I correctly copied and you could not provide a single instance of your interpretation of the law being accurate.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 93 (view)

Do you like the USA? Posted: 11/5/2009 4:35:19 PM
"Someone has to buy that ammo. It's not like tons of illegal bullets are coming into the United States from Mexico " On the one hand if I owned a gun and ammo I would like a requirement for education and the responsible ownership that comes with the gun and ammo being legally identified as mine. I don't see this as any different than being required to earn a license to drive a car. However, I disagree with the idea that there are not tons of illegal guns and ammo coming in from central and south american gangs. I've seen way too many news reports showing all of the confiscated weapons and ammo that is being illegally trafficed.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 87 (view)

Do you like the USA? Posted: 11/5/2009 4:20:49 PM
GolfCoast "Here is an ugly truth. remove blacks from samples of health, crime, education, almost anything and the USA immediately leads the world in every (positive) category." I am mind boggled that you would make such an unsupported and totally racist remark.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 86 (view)

Do you like the USA? Posted: 11/5/2009 4:19:25 PM
"That's not necessarily true. There are statistical techniques--the t-test, for example--designed for much smaller samples than this one. There's a lot more to making an accurate prediction about a whole population than just sample size." I am very familiar with t-tests usage ... and I reiterate that the stated sample was too small a sample size for the population to be assured that it is representative of the population as a whole.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Do you like the USA? Posted: 11/4/2009 9:14:41 AM
I love my country as I love myself. I am always working to improve myself and work to improve my country too. When I see defects in myself I am self-honest about them ... and I am self-honest about the defects in my country too. Torrance is a great place to live. If I were from sub-saharan africa I might want to move here, too. However, the vast majority of my students who originated in Africa actually migrated to the countries in the EU which other polls have shown are healthier places than the current state of my country. ps. check out the sample size problem: "Nearly 260,000 people aged 15 years and older were surveyed," "135 countries" Sub-saharan Africa is 10% of the world population ... too small a sample size to be truly representative of the population as a whole. Gallup should know better.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 78 (view)

Why people stick with their own Posted: 11/4/2009 9:02:37 AM
"cnc: It was the denial of the fundamental rights..." The use of 'cnc:..." makes the post appear to be a quotation of something I said. It was not what I said and what I said was not a reply to what Natasha said in this reply was the root of the women's movement.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 612 (view)

Oct 5th entry in My Utmost for His Highest....defining sin Posted: 11/4/2009 8:55:31 AM
"allowed me to no longer have to be at the center of the universe. Being the center of the universe is a lot of work! You gotta see to it that all the animals are fed and cleaned up after, each day you have to see that nobody has left any pesky footprints on the moon again, and that polishing of all of the stars becomes really tiring after a while. Now instead, I (just try to) orbit instead around the One that really belongs at the center, and if pesky moon prints need to be taken care of, I let him handle it in his own way and in his own time. Granted, I'm not perfect and I try to back-seat drive him a lot, a whole lot, and I have a lot more to learn about where he wants to take everything (including me and others that I love), but he reminds me constantly to not worry about things that are on his watch (not mine) and lets me live life knowing he's got the helm under control" WELL SAID!!! I will add that I have a growing list of things I'd like explanations for or experiences of. I am not binocular, so I'd like to experience it. I'm not color shade deficient, so I'd like to see how my son's see the world. Pretty much several things I'd like to understand how other experience the world differently than me. I visualize a plate and look to see what is on my plate and what isn't. If I believe a smoking is sinfully self-destructive than I am responsible for my not smoking ... I am not responsible for the person next door to me not smoking ... but I am responsible for objecting to my tax dollars being spent to fund the tobacco industry.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 72 (view)

Why people stick with their own Posted: 11/4/2009 8:45:04 AM
"Now your job is to figure out how my zero interest in others dysfunction is actually a form of control lol. " ROFLMAO... ahem a 'normie' would not have posted your message #61. Way too judgemental for a normie. grins.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 71 (view)

Why people stick with their own Posted: 11/4/2009 8:39:24 AM
"To procure the same rights to personal property, child custody, to vote, inheiritance and the right to not get our azz legally kicked by our spouse. ..THAT was the genesis of the WLM." But not by the mythical stay at home mom. In agri culture the woman was not solely occupied with raising children and housecleaning. She was responsible for much of the farming. She milked cows, raised and harvested chickens, pigs, vegtables. She was an active producer and contributor. Those who supported agri were working too. The grocers wife ran the grocery store, too. Rare were the women who were not working alongside their husbands... and they were still productive in their society with charitable work. Women were teachers and nurses. In the industrial age she was not generally in a position to simultaneously take care of children and go work in a factory. However, the agri women were still being active contributors. The industrial area women were often at work too. Still the teachers and nurses. Still taking in sewing and borders. Still working alongside spouses in stores. For a few periods during the 20th century there was a higher rate of women at home raising children and keeping house but not otherwise contributing as she had in the earlier centuries. They were more rare than the myth of the stay at home mom leads us to believe. There weren't all that many Donna Reeds around. In the depression and both WW and Korea she was "Rosey the Riveter" . It was the working woman who fought for her rights.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 67 (view)

Why people stick with their own Posted: 11/4/2009 8:23:24 AM
"Survivors are all around us, " The only way to be a survivor is to see yourself as a victim. Rather than being survivors those of us who speak out and learn no longer see ourselves as survivors. We are thrivers. I am grateful for the experiences that honed me into the person I am today. I Thrive today. I was not the victim ... I was the one who experienced the events and grew from them. Those that were wrong are no less wrong for the fact that I was not their victim. The fact that I have learned to thrive is not to their credit.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 66 (view)

Why people stick with their own Posted: 11/4/2009 8:18:40 AM
"Developers have no choice but to design projects to get the greatest possible return on investment. Their shareholders and banks demand it. And why would you expect them to do anything else, anyway?" This is the cornerstone of Friedman economics. The economic theory that has brought us to this crises. The theory of greed as the great motivator. It isn't true. We have lists of socially responsible businesses and they have shown themselves to be both profitable and attractive to investors.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 65 (view)

Why people stick with their own Posted: 11/4/2009 8:16:45 AM
"Is there any scientific basis for those figures? With words like "bimodal," " There is scientific evidence that 3% are the extreme in one direction .... the skid row addicts or otherwise people whose coping skills for life are totally ineffective. There is 23 years of experience on my part of their counterparts at the other end of the extreme --- the controlaholics. No substance that they take, just their compulsion to 'fix' all others. The extremely 'righteous' people who know they are right and if the world would do things their way than the world would be fine. In 23 years of observations I have noted that those we call 'normies' are the rarity of behaviors consistently occuring that halfway point between totally out of control (addicts, etc.) and avidly attempting to control. For any one behavior one might be on either mode of the spectrum. The overeater who is very intolerant of smokers ... out of control yet trying to control. If I were to do another doctorate it would likely be in this area of study.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

Why people stick with their own Posted: 11/3/2009 1:05:48 PM
"The reality is we are ALL victims of some kind of abuse, be it spiritual, verbal, physical, emotional or sexual. " 97% of us ... it is a bimodal curve of each form of abuse ... neglect or extreme. I actually met a normie or two... that 3% whose behavior is healthy in all situations. At the time I knew them they were living through the short life of a child with infant death syndrome. 2 years with their daughter before she passed. Learning by observing them was a moving experience. They happened to be active Mormons. The only ones who practiced a religion of attraction rather than promotion. They totally changed my view of Mormons .... others in the religion have not given me good experiences. I think I can say that about all religions. Some good; some bad. The point is to be able to bring the experience into the light of day. To speak of them. Share about them. People who hide their hurt, pain, wounds and scars need to know that they can speak up about them. That they are not alone. That they were not the one that was wrong. 90% of what my parents did raising me was good stuff that has benefitted me as an adult ... even some of their mistakes have strengthened me as an adult. Some of the basic information I got on 'being' in this world allowed me to survive as a child, but don't work as an adult. It takes talking about it to figure out which parts those were. I do not believe those of us who speak up are doing so to wound anyone. On the contrary, most speak up with the goal of promoting healing amongst those who share our common experience and amongst those who do not even realize until their hear others speak up that what was done to them was wrong.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 47 (view)

Why people stick with their own Posted: 11/3/2009 12:37:22 PM
"it's really just about insularity in general. I've seen the same thing happen when everyone was of the same race but had different political viewpoints, were dressed differently, or were just there as part of different groups." Come play in my dive bars .. both karaoke bars I hang at accept everybody and we are all likely to mix and visit with each other throughout the evening. Newbies do take time to assimilate. It does take time to get to know people. If we encouraged someone to dance with us and they withdrew then their withdrawal would hurt us and we'd be less likely to risk it again. But, over time, we'd get to know them. I can only think of two occassions when people got themselves rejected by the regulars. One was a jerk who was negative about an old guy who had a bad voice. Hurt the old guys feelings and that didn't go over well with the rest of us. Other one was an anti gay person whose comments caused a couple of our regulars to stop coming for awhile. Luckily the anti person stopped coming and our friends have started coming back. Now do we all politically, religion or social structure agreee? Heavens no. grins. Everybody seems to just be live and let live people.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 587 (view)

Oct 5th entry in My Utmost for His Highest....defining sin Posted: 11/3/2009 12:25:25 PM
"Even Jesus was much shorter than the average person is today......better foods and nutrition, better lives, etc...." Findings of the national geographic genome project are that height is an evolutionary function of heat in the area. More heat ... more surface area of skin ... tall and slender. More sun .. more sun protection .. darker skin. Hence, very light skinned short stocky people in snowy mountainous cold cold areas ... retain heat and get as much of the less sun as they can. I also have no conflict with the underlying message of the Gospels along with the theory of evolution. Even if it all started with a big bang that big bang had to have a source .. a creator. I had a great example of the difference in faith and belief this weekend from a person who likes circuses. He spoke of watching the performer on the high wire pushing a cart across the wire. He has total belief the guy will make it safely across. It takes more than belief ... it takes faith .. to climb in the cart and be pushed across. I often have faith and experience of being successfully pushed across. However, the metaphor made me realize that experience doesn't mean I don't need faith again the next time I am called upon to trust God.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 477 (view)

Oct 5th entry in My Utmost for His Highest....defining sin Posted: 11/1/2009 4:23:48 PM
" In all of my experience, you are the first person who claims to have been "traumautized" by stories of hell. " Now you know 2 ... oh, count my sister who is traumatized every time an evangelical approaches her (I put that so nicely) ... and I can keep giving examples. I know many in recovery who were driven into addiction by so-called christian religious practices by their parents when they were kids.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

who gets your stuff? Posted: 11/1/2009 4:08:56 PM
"starting with the youngest, they'll take turns putting a sticker on something they want... until everything sits here with either stickers on it, or rejected to be sent to Goodwill." Shudder. I had to do this with my grandmother's home. shudder. I felt like a vulture circling. Creeeped me out totally. I used my kids (they were young at the time) as an excuse to leave. Danged if the executor didn't decide the stickers ended up with unfair disposition and stick me with 2 rooms of furniture. sigh. So, when mom did hers making me the executor I had her be really specific who got what. No problems with the sisters. No angst with the settlement. No relationship damage. I plan on doing the same with mine. Unlike me for mom and my next sister up for Dad my finance whiz son will only do it as coexecutor with a pro ... I don't want a pro so I am working out who to have instead.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 100 (view)

A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this. Posted: 11/1/2009 3:14:16 PM
"Would the same apply for someone trying to help an alcoholic change their drinking habits to becoming alcohol free ? or someone who uses drugs ? Or any other destructive habit ?" Absolutely. We have over 50 years now of experience that the 'helping' people best 'help' by getting out of the way. Do not try to 'help an addict change. You can do an intervention with a professional who knows how to do one. (which would not have included the things the original poster said the person said to her under the euphamism of helping). You can let them go to live with those who provide recovery environments. I run a sober home for alcoholics and addicts. I cannot change them. I cannot help them. I can provide an environment and rules for living. They get to choose to live within this structured environment or not. Not up to me. Only between them and their higher power. So, to apply, if I were dating a person and did not want to contribute to their weight issues I would not take them to a super fried food restuarant. However, whatever restaurang I took them to it would be up to them what they ordered. Overeaters are very very clever (have had anorexic / belimics in house) and they can make food fattening or skinnying no matter what you try to do. We know that those who cover up for addicts, who give them money or shelter, who do for them what they ought to do for themselves, who lie for them ... all the attempts to help stuff ... do a tremendous amount of damage and are much more likely to delay a person seeking recovery than to cause it. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change - you The courage to change the things I can - me (partly) And the wisdom to know the difference (some things only God can change)

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

It's the happiness hour... Posted: 11/1/2009 1:56:44 AM
1. I got to cruise from Chile to CA with my sister; and then from Vancouver through Alaska with my friends ... and will be cruising the caribbean with my daughter in DEC 2. I just found an ASUS laptop to replace my daughter's crashed hp for only $499. 3. I have gotten to spend more time with my grandkids this year. 4. My mechanic bro-in-law managed to get my 89 mr2 through smog this year!! Yea! 2 more years before I fear we won't find a way to make it pass. 5. My paper was well accepted; I ended up on the Board; and after the event my University up and decided to pay my expenses for my annual conferences. Whoot !!! nice money back. 6. I got over my issues with celebrating my birthday and had an awesome party last week with all my family and friends. I have a good life... thanks for the topic.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 89 (view)

A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this. Posted: 11/1/2009 1:40:35 AM
"Change her is one way of looking at it, helping her to improve herself is another way. Change is not always a bad thing." Oooooooooooooo.... I love it when controlaholics use euphamisms to justify their compulsion to control another human being. Congrats to the OP for considering the source and making her own asessment of herself and realizing that she is lovable as she is. Change is a good thing when I decide to change me Change is a bad thing when someone else decides to change me under the euphamism of 'helping' People who want to change others need to go 'help' themself. I am sure there is plenty that needs work if the 'helper' looks in the mirror instead of judging others as needing to be changed.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Sitting solo on a scary Saturday (Halloween) Posted: 10/30/2009 4:47:30 PM
I'm going out karaoke .. in a witchie costume. Join the Elks or Moose or VFW or other senior group and go to whatever party they are having. Else, if you like the exclusion of the woods enjoy it. Alone is not lonely. It is a choice. You can be lonely in a crowd and not the least bit lonely when alone.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

friend afraid of her age Posted: 10/29/2009 7:25:06 PM
"she knows she wants to pursue fixing things with her husband, " Sounds like she is on a menopausal roller-coaster and needs to talk seriously with her gyno and a therapist. When she gets her head straight so that she feels good in her own skin then she can take this new her and work on repairing the damage to her marraige. If it is a good idea to leave the marraige it will still be a good idea when she has her thinking sorted out. If it turns out to have been a bad idea she might not have the option to repair the damage of leaving. Good decisions stay good ... bad one reveal themselves. My rule? I don't take advice from emotionally upset (fearful) people. So, when she does the work to get out of the fear than she will be ready to make a decision that in't fear based ... she won't be emotionally upset, so she will be in a better place to give herself advice.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 296 (view)

Oct 5th entry in My Utmost for His Highest....defining sin Posted: 10/28/2009 12:17:23 PM
"Where does the Bible say God created homosexuals?" The Bible is not the only way to know God. We know God by God's actions in the world. God created asexual and homosexual animals, including primates. Go take a course in zoology. One of the healthiest animal societies in the world has as a fundamental base of the group that animals of both genders behave intimately with each other ... bisexually. Other animals change genders during their lives. Are you suggesting that some power other than God created the rest of the animals on earth other than man? All of creation is God' creation in my belief of God. There are many things in the Bible that many people have misinterpreted. When the words of the Bible do not align with what we can observe of God's action in nature, than we ought to consider that the original writers or the various scribes who made minor changes or those who translated got it wrong.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 184 (view)

Imprisoning nonviolent pot dealers -- a useless expense? Posted: 10/28/2009 12:12:03 PM
"Whether there have been any cases where someone's been convicted of that is beside the point." No, it isn't. It is exactly the point. You are asking us to believe this statute would apply to your scenerio but you have not shown any proof that it ever has been so there is not justification that it would be.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 182 (view)

Imprisoning nonviolent pot dealers -- a useless expense? Posted: 10/27/2009 10:44:20 PM
matchlight: "Everything in my example was an accurate statement of the law. " I looked it up. You would have us believe that a court would support the claim that a paring knife carried with an apple by a person who presents no reason to consider that the apple might be a sham cover for carrying a concealed weapon would be considered a dirk or dagger. I don't think that would hold up in court. Can you present a case in which an innocent person without any violent associations has been convicted for your scenerio under this statute? Statute: "The CA state Penal Code can be found online at: http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/calaw.html Here are the relevant sections cut and pasted by Mr. Davidoff from the site linked above: 12020. (a) Any person in this state who does any of the following is punishable by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding one year or in the state prison: (a)(4) Carries concealed upon his or her person any dirk or dagger. (c)(24) As used in this section, a "dirk" or "dagger" means a knife or other instrument with or without a handguard that is capable of ready use as a stabbing weapon that may inflict great bodily injury or death. A nonlocking folding knife, a folding knife that is not prohibited by Section 653k [switchblade], or a pocketknife is capable of ready use as a stabbing weapon that may inflict great bodily injury or death only if the blade of the knife is exposed and locked into position. (d) Knives carried in sheaths which are worn openly suspended from the waist of the wearer are not concealed within the meaning of this section"

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 285 (view)

Oct 5th entry in My Utmost for His Highest....defining sin Posted: 10/27/2009 10:26:48 PM
"quite clear that God hates homosexuality" God created homosexual and asexual animals - including homosexual primates. Why would God create animals to hate? Sorry, I just can't ascribe to a God that hates. My God is a God of love not hate. My God teaches me to love and not to hate.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 54 (view)

Second (or Third or. . . ) Time Around Posted: 10/26/2009 1:52:20 PM
One marraige and 3 LTR. I ruminated on the marraige for 15 years trying to see if I could have made it work... if only, what if ... I refused to look at the salient point - I was not who he wanted in a wife and I was unwilling to become who he wanted. He married her 11 days after the divorce was final and they are married now over 25 years. I still would not want to be her. I have learned that I am responsible for who I pick, how long I take to get to know them well enough, and how I stay true to myself during the relationship. In the LTRs I realized that my 'picker was broke" and I have fixed it. I learned that I was too quick to attach and become determined to make it work. And I've fixed that. Staying true to myself is a work in progress. I don't always get it right. People pleasing is deeply ingrained and I can sneak into it very easily. Being too loyal can be an issue ... and I have to remember not to be the doormat my mom was. Have I learned ? Imperfectly yes. Will I make mistakes again? Yes ... the same mistakes? If I forget the lessons, yes. If I did not fully understand the lesson, possibly, if I got the lesson backwards, yes. And I have done all of those. grins. Most important lesson? It took 2 of us to make it and 2 of us to break it.

cncgandolf

Joined: 7/29/2007

Msg: 169 (view)

Silver haired dancing machines your thoughts. Posted: 10/25/2009 1:12:55 AM
"'The moral, ladies, stay late, then you will get asked to dance, as the dancers tire, the fancy stuff goes away and the dance reverts to simple moves everybody knows." Ahhhhhh... shucks. Now he tells me. I am one of those who gave up and left when not asked to dance. I don't do wallflower. I'll take lessons, but not go to dances under those condition. For a long time I switched to Scottish Country. Nice culture ... everybody dances with everybody. Cultural requirement. You might seek to share a set with good dancers, but you partner in the set is different each dance. I married a non-dancer first time. Event came up we had to dance at so he agreed to basic lesson set. We left tango to last. He walked and blundered through all until we got to tango. He took to it like a duck takes to water. very different dance. My fave too. Last long term he initially agreed and did Scottish Country with me (ballroom was too tough) ... but after a couple of years he stopped doing it. I've thought about dancing again. Haven't found a good place. Tried a few, but not like the classes I used to like.

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