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 Author Thread: Scared stiff
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Scared stiff
Posted: 11/16/2008 9:07:02 PM
Elana:
I am glad that the house came along for you for several reasons. Just the elation you showed that the house is available reinforces the intuition of many (including me) that you were not really ready to move in with the b/f. Secondly it provides space for you and the pet. Thirdly it gives you a meeting ground to develop the relationship. Someone else said that just because you successfully had ONE arguement and patched it up does not mean you can maintain a healthy and happy relationship; and for a relationship to grow and survive it will have to survive many, many disagreements and negotiations. That is the nature of relationships. They are no longer about "I" , but about "we". You recognized that bottling up your anger and frustration is not the path to a healthy relationship. Sweeping issues under the rug (and letting the anger build) just means postponing the eventual disintegration. A note on roommates. My experience is that it is difficult to find compatible roommates in general. It is touch and go between most roommates until you find the correct mix that share duties and responsibilities and social life that makes it a tolerable living arrangement. You dodged a bullet by not moving in with the b/f and his roomies. Now you can focus on your relationship without distractions and partisan bickering.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:57:16 PM
It is quite simple: Cliches are built around facts, stereotypes are built around facts but one has to temper that knowledge (and application of cliches and stereotypes) with the fact that a broken clock is correct (factual) twice a day.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 103 (view)
 
Christian Men
Posted: 10/31/2008 8:45:38 PM
ZZZZzzzzzzzz
OP, I have read all your comments and excuses. Lets be friends.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 44 (view)
 
sex with the ex part II
Posted: 10/26/2008 8:16:51 PM
OP
Your question is rather confusing. The guy is your Ex,,,you are the person that knows him, we here dont know him at all. You mention he said "I would tell you if I am seeing someone else, you know me" . So??? does he have a history of telling you truth? or mostly truth? or partial truth? or mostly lies??? Go with your experience with him. Secondly,,,,,he is your Ex, of course he may have other women on his cell phone, if he isnt dead he probably is looking for a new g/f. Since he is your Ex its perfectly acceptable and logical that he is talking to other women. If you want to get back together with him have you told him that? If sleeping with him is the central issue you now have , I have a question : did you sleep with him on the path of becoming his steady g/f?? Was he dating and sleeping with others during that period? If so then what is the difference now?
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Improper English and/or Grammar?
Posted: 10/25/2008 7:05:10 PM
Awww, itz jest 2 dang funnie two C the supercilious , meticulous folks get their BVD's tangled with their vocal (make that keyboard) cords. Somewhere I recall reading an Email that pointed out that most human minds really only read the first and last letters of a word and can easily decipher what was meant even if there were mistakes or omissions in the correct spelling. Communication is just that. If you understand what my point is then I have communicated with U. If your shallowness (or pickiness, or snobbery) forces you to delete communication from , and consideration of, a potential POF suitor then so be it. This whole thread relates back to external beauty vs inner beauty questions in my mind. Admittedly most people (including me) prefer a reasonable mixture of both in a potential mate , there are those that prefer extremes. If someone rejects my inquiry because of Hi , how R U,,,,,,,,,then we likely would never been able to progress onward to a meaningful future anyway. Nothing like saving wasted effort. Happy fishing , mates.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Do You Think Meeting Women Here Means They Are On The Prowl?
Posted: 10/16/2008 9:50:00 PM
Well, obviously not a female perspective here:,,,,,,,,,,First, this thread lay dormant for two years then here it pops up. Hmmmm. Second, by definition, I would think anyone on a singles site is "prowling" or as this site has it ,,,,,,,,,FISHING. I guess the OP has a different definition of prowling though. Yes, there are tons of serial daters, serial game-players, cheating folks, etc on every site. Third: just by reading the forums one can quickly see that many of the people are just being super, super picky or paranoid and basically unavailable. Fourth: my experience with POF is that the chances of actually meeting a keeper are much better elsewhere. Happy Fishing/prowling. Oh, and if by "prowling females" you mean an aggressive woman that will approach you and hunt you down,,,,,,,,,,,not, likely
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Is it worth fixing
Posted: 10/6/2008 6:49:37 PM
Precious
Scroll up and read Gone Sailing , msg 4,,,,,,,,,the lady IS NOT MAKING TIME for the OP. I cannot imagine a relationship where the other person really cares for the individual but doesnt somehow make time, regardless of how busy. Sure the OP should be patient and understanding and make certain he isnt unrealistically demanding but I cast my opinion with GoneSailing,,,,,,,,the gal either has someone else or she isnt really all that into the OP. He is right to check out the flying red flags.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 44 (view)
 
How do you deal with a parent your child has never met?
Posted: 10/3/2008 9:34:23 PM
LOL,
Juliet,,,,,,,yes a lot of ppl just read your original post and formulate their response based on it alone and dont continue to digest the new facts you related in subsequent posts. Its good you never fabricated a shark story to explain the absence of your sons father. Always be honest with you son because if you "protect" him from the truth more than likely it will come around and bite you in the ,,,,errr spot. Your son is showing a natural curiosity as is the father. Its a good foundation point. By and large "fatherless" children nurture various types of abandonment scars, which can lead to feeling incomplete, even worthless , inferior, or a human reject. I think both you and your son will reap rewards from your efforts. Make it an adventure, take pictures,,write up little "summaries" as you journey along. Make the best of the chance and he now have. And do let us know how things are going.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 40 (view)
 
How do you deal with a parent your child has never met?
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:09:50 PM
OP
I just want to say that I disagree with Psst and her "protection" of her son. I have been around several children ranging in age from 9 to 20 that never knew their fathers (or sperm donors as some females prefer to refer to the donor that they once chose to be intimate with) and every one of those children had adaptation difficulties stemming from the lack of at least knowing what their real parent was like. When a child doesnt know a missing parent they always wonder, they can construct fantasies, they can feel "different" than all the other kids who know their parents, they may feel incomplete. It is my opinion that a child is better off knowing their real parents , I stress real parent. They should have enough contact to know good, bad, indifferent. That at least will fill the empty spot in their mind, their heart, and their inner ego. If they choose to then exclude one or both parent from their lives at least they have the satisfaction of knowing the person and knowing why they arent interested in having a relationship. I think you are doing the correct thing in pursuing contact with the father. Having said that you need to stay handy during meetings (until your son feels comfy without your presence) and let your son determine how often he wishes any continued contact. For your sons sake I hope the guy takes an interest in him. Whatever happens I think your son , in the long run, will be better off meeting him. Best wishes in navigating this adventure. Focus on what is best for your son.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Waste of time
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:54:16 PM
OP
You have been looking here for TWO WEEKS????? And havent scored the woman of your dreams??? I bet you keep approaching the wrong type ladies,,,you know, the ladies that adore a patient man. You need to search for that rare minority of women who swoon over a guy with no patience, a hot temper, and an attitude.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
 
What is the difference maker for you with profiles?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:33:43 PM
Hmmm,,,this post originated in May, wonder where it has languished so long?


Ummm Purple Rocks:
If a well written piece, short , to-the-point, very clear in imagery is the clue to success then your reply should have you being pursued by tons of eloquence-seeking ladies.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Is clinical depression caused by internal or external forces?
Posted: 10/1/2008 7:34:01 PM
Andrew, msg 26
And for an encore, you will now define and discuss transference and projection to the total delight of the audience??? Then we can all laugh then, also.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 34 (view)
 
cheating girl friend did I make the right decision?
Posted: 9/29/2008 2:49:06 PM
indehills:
Well said. Actually she got one thing correct: what she writes accurately pegs her as what she is.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Who uses Intermitten Reinforcement in dating and online dating?
Posted: 9/29/2008 1:18:52 PM
Ah yes, Ole Doc Skinner (and the light bulb comes on)
OK, the running summary so far is:
Intermittent Reinforcement =
crumb throwing/living on crumbs =
stringing you along =
false hope conditioning =
missing you behavior =
not getting permanently involved =
try a little harder =
misguided hope mechanism::::::::

whew, now I know what to call her behavior and I thought she just had Borderline Personality Disorder
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Purity Balls
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:32:11 PM
Well SnapHappy,
Will no Christians rise to defend a purity oath??? First it is my observation that the forums are heavily weighted with non-religious types and a healthy number of anti-religion types. I doubt you will see any defense from them. I am a christian but I am not familiar with the topic nor the oaths although Indigo Rose posted one such oath. If that oath is typical then christians familiar with various consecration services (I have been present at concencration services of adults, children, even babies, families etc) would understand that oath is rather typical. A believer believes in God and as such is supposed to follow God's rules. The Old Testament Rules are summarized in the 10 Commandments. Therefore the comment that the father pledges purity in his life (will not commit adultery) as well as follow the other commandments. Christians are taught in the New Testament that Christ is the head of the church (The High Priest) and the man is the high priest of his family, therefore the statement of being high priest in the fathers home. The scriptures also teach that the sins of the (unbelieving) fathers will be passed on to future generations,,,,,likewise will the blessings be passed on. Therefore there is nothing "creepy' about such a pledge. It is couched in terms derived from the Bible. The "chastity belts" I am certain are ceremonial only, something physical to remind the parties of their pledge. Similar to contest winners that are given blue ribbons as a rememberance.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Purity Balls
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:27:41 PM
Well SnapHappy,
Will no Christians rise to defend a purity oath??? First it is my observation that the forums are heavily weighted with non-religious types and a healthy number of anti-religion types. I doubt you will see any defense from them. I am a christian but I am not familiar with the topic nor the oaths although Indigo Rose posted one such oath. If that oath is typical then christians familiar with various consecration services (I have been present at concencration services of adults, children, even babies, families etc) would understand that oath is rather typical. A believer believes in God and as such is supposed to follow God's rules. The Old Testament Rules are summarized in the 10 Commandments. Therefore the comment that the father pledges purity in his life (will not commit adultery) as well as follow the other commandments. Christians are taught in the New Testament that Christ is the head of the church (The High Priest) and the man is the high priest of his family, therefore the statement of being high priest in the fathers home. The scriptures also teach that the sins of the (unbelieving) fathers will be passed on to future generations,,,,,likewise will the blessings be passed on. Therefore there is nothing "creepy' about such a pledge. It is couched in terms derived from the Bible. The "chastity belts" I am certain are ceremonial only, something physical to remind the parties of their pledge. Similar to contest winners that are given blue ribbons as a rememberance.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 65 (view)
 
I like someone.. this is not supposed to happen to me!
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:13:26 PM
LOL Elaine
I thinks its called one-upman-ship (or would that be woman tops man-ship) when she castigated the guy. And you are correct it goes by both names. And now for the next drama installment. Popcorn anyone? mine with butter n salt, please, while we are keeping it reel....
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/22/2008 6:30:59 PM
Jim
You say you have never been married so I will guess that you never really fell in love with someone until you met her. As everyone has stated you now need to move on with the rest of your life. Appreciate her for the warmth and whatever she brought into you life but you have to let go for your sake. It does take time and you probably will go through some tough spells. You say she got more and more religious while you didnt. I mention that because there may come a time you need counseling help if things dont improve, if your depresssion overwhelms you, and you need someone to turn to. Pastors are usually happy to counsel with people because many, many people run into difficulties that overwhelm them. All of us that have had to get over a lost love know what you are going through. Basically, find someone you can talk to, spend time with them, find activities to do that take your mind off of your gloom, stay active, do physical workouts, etc. It does take time and up to 2.5 yrs is not uncommon for men.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 29 (view)
 
It's possible! Dreams are Happening Every Day...?
Posted: 9/22/2008 10:06:25 AM
Widowed mom:
I agree with everything you wrote about your personal story and believe that indeed God did smile upon you and your mate and handled the situation in His way.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Went on a date to see Hitman in cinema, and I WAS spied on
Posted: 9/21/2008 9:52:26 PM
LOL
Michelle, I think those sudden emergency cell-phone calls are used by many to end a date that they didnt want to continue. Sorta rude but probably effective.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Christian Men
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:25:40 PM
inlabutnotalaguy:
Correct, Snake gets it. so did a few others. Others , well, their words tell their story.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
 
ANYONE EVER HAD TO DEAL WITH A MOMMA'S BOY
Posted: 9/21/2008 2:56:48 PM
Pers:
IBID,,,,,,,,,,,,,,(websters) abbreviation for ibidem (latin) meaning "in the same place" aka as sorta ,,,,been there, done that.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 23 (view)
 
ANYONE EVER HAD TO DEAL WITH A MOMMA'S BOY
Posted: 9/21/2008 2:51:48 PM
OP
It appears the jury is heavily leaning to the "run now" verdict. There are a few who suggest continued investigation. The key that I see in your report is that you are irritated about being swapped three times in favor of momma. Since people's behavior rarely changes then the real question seems to be : can the OP stand a lifetime with this wonderful guy who frequently will spend time with momma instead of the OP? If the answer is no then your recourse is to move on.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Christian Men
Posted: 9/21/2008 2:32:17 PM
Well Mewsic and Sepia:
First the OP finally nailed it down to mostly one specific "christian man" who liked playing,,,,,,,,,,,,,both music and her. Sepia, U must've been asleep during all the scripture lessons about hypocrites and holier-than-thou religious types. As I recall the New Testament is chock full of condemnations of "scribes and pharisees",,,,the label for the outwardly pious religious folk of the day who were very careful about observing external protocol but were vipers on the inside, and as such conveniently disregarded the whole intent of the Law. Thumbing backwards in the Bible tune into Eli, the head rabbi who schooled Samuel. He raised two sons that were part and parcel of his administration as the high priest. Check out the description of those two "holy men". Guess what, there was a come-uppance for that behavior. So while some will try to turn this into another "bash christianity" thread basically it comes down to each and every individual you meet. You have to examine their credentials whatever they are and double check their description vs their behavior. If a guy claims he is a banker with impeccable honesty but instead robs you of all your savings and destroys your credit will we be seeing a thread,,,,,,,,,,,,,"Bankers,,,,are they worse than non-bankers about getting into your Victoria Secrets"?????
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Difficult personality
Posted: 9/20/2008 9:05:09 PM
OP
I certainly hope you respond to some of the questions asked or comment made. Mine is: how is it that you developed a relationship with this type person? Usually most people shun or walk away from obnoxious, confrontational, argumentive types because they find them repulsive. Did you not find this person repulsive? If you didnt find them repulsive until now, what happened? If you did find them repulsive at the first why did you invest your time to develop a relationship with them such that you refer to them as a partner? Fishy Seeks has a valid point, its time the obnoxious one takes a vacation from supreme a$$holeness. One last question , have you ever told this person to shut-the-hell-up and stuff a rag in it??? If not, why not? If you did, what happened?
Ok,,,,where is my Advil?
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 118 (view)
 
I am really starting to hate dating
Posted: 9/20/2008 8:46:26 PM
Tunes back in after a long day:
Adds more new names to his list of people with issues:
Adds another mark by the regular (or is that irregular) folk with issues:
Laughs and goes to the next forum:
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 65 (view)
 
I am really starting to hate dating
Posted: 9/20/2008 2:56:12 PM
Porkchop,
Didnt learn much from the Veggie date ? Then you ask Kimmie out???? You should stick with women without issues. U did indeed call it earlier when you noticed the large number of judgemental responses. I just love this place.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 19 (view)
 
I am really starting to hate dating
Posted: 9/20/2008 7:51:02 AM
Hey Pal
Look on the bright side, the glass can be half-full. CELEBRATE DIVERSITY.
Thx for the daily humor. Maybe that woman is here on POF. I bet she is a regular contributor to the forums.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Should I have stayed friends even though he dumped me? NC question
Posted: 9/20/2008 7:44:59 AM
OK, everyone else bashed the guy, for understandable reasons. In limited defense of him (not knowing his side of the story) everyone handles breakups differently. Having absolutely NC with you may be his version. In fact the "relationship experts" recommend having a final goodbye followed by no contact as the best method of ending a relationship. What you lack apparently is a final showdown where you unload on him all the ways it has hurt you. You can still do that in writing. Pen a letter to him, list your hurts, griefs, hopes, etc. Then put it in a drawer for a later day. There was a song Big Blue Note. Someday you will be able to toss your big blue note to the wind and move on to someone that is good for you.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
 
How do you fill a hole in yourself?
Posted: 9/18/2008 10:11:03 PM
Dead
Your experience is normal for "catastrophic loss". The studies published are usually done about death or divorce, in your case call it a divorce. You had a LTR that got shattered. Its called grieving and its a stage after loss. Basically the average period to "recovery" for women is 1 to 1.5 years , for men 1.5 to 2.5. As others have pointed out time will usually take care of it. You can shorten the time by getting involved in things you enjoy or learn to enjoy, by interacting with friends or new friends, etc. whatever it takes to create something to fill that "hole" in your emotions (or at least ignore it for the day). Of course it may help to begin looking for new women friends also, at the friends and activity level. You might help yourself by reading up on the studies about loss because it will make you aware of the stages you can expect. You need to guard against withdrawing into a shell in an endless pity party situation. Keep thinking that with time it will get better , then more better, and eventually the real you will be back.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 15 (view)
 
New to the community... complicated situation (extramarital)
Posted: 9/18/2008 8:23:07 AM
Infatuation and craving: (strippers, escorts, etc) you have some form of sexual addiction. Like all addictions you will continue the behavior until it ruins your life, you hit bottom, and you then seek a 12 step program of recovery and control of the addiction. Maria---wife doesnt care---"healthy" extra-marital: ..........well, this smacks of a swinging life-style. From what I have read about swinging some couples juggle that life-style for years but usually it all blows up in an emotional meltdown, then you may hit bottom (see first comment I made). How do you handle Maria? hands-off. Another respondent commented about damaging other peoples lives, especially those with children. Leave Maria alone. All-in-all OP your version of this story indicates that both you and your wife have some very deep emotional-relationship problems that absolutely require help. I suspect that only a competent couples counselor will be able to help either of you. You both need to find the root of your behaviors and then work on fixing things. It is a good sign that you express that you love your wife and apparently she believes she loves you and is willing to turn a blind eye to your dangerous exploits. What you have together is well worth fixing. From the sums of money you have thrown away it appears there is no reason not to find and pay for an effective relationship counselor and develop mutual happiness with your wife.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Lethal Lovers and Poisonous People
Posted: 9/17/2008 8:35:06 PM
LOL,
Esad,,,,you have gored OP's favorite ox,,,,,,,,,,the FB's, and other toxic relationships.
Will your history books have cartoon illustrations?
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Lethal Lovers and Poisonous People
Posted: 9/17/2008 7:53:59 PM
Druminky, msg 2 & 5, I agree totally with your comments. One has to look no further than the forums to see exactly what you point out. Pages of responses that are nothing but gender bashing, paraonoid proclamations to avoid this type person or that, lists of red flags that all point to the person under scrutiny being a serial criminal of some sort, basically mob hysteria that behind every cyber profile lurks the next violator of some moral, ethical, social, or legal rule of the planet. All of that with explicit rules on how to meet only after collecting DNA samples, SSN, DL, phone, and bank account records and then only in a well lit, fortified, security-camera observed area, preferably with armed guards posted at all entrances. Yes, my response is sorta extreme but keep the points I commented upon as you read the forums. Its a miracle that anyone who uses POF as a dating site finds success.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
opinions needed please
Posted: 9/15/2008 6:05:57 PM
Hmmmm,,,,,,,,,," she said she has allowed work to come between her and happiness all too often" "of course she felt just awful about the way things transpired and admitted being a total ass" "the only thing keeping there is the store" "even finding time to meet (on her part) hasnt happened" OP,,,,,,just exactly how many ways does this woman have to tell you that YOU DON'T RATE VERY HIGH in her game plan??? Tigers dont change their stripes. Some else suggested to U,,,,,,,,,tell her you are coming to see her, then go. If after seeing her and realizing that it was all fantasy, then run, run , run away anyway unless you want to be a victim for the rest of your life. Are you completely nuts for even bothering with this???? YES
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
 
quiet, shy type, has questions about sex
Posted: 9/13/2008 10:37:21 AM
It sounds like OP, Piano4te, Snakewhisperer, and Silverfox need to move in with each other. Matches made in heaven. Overall the original question is rather silly. Of course there are people here, people there, people everywhere that share the OP's preference of how to have a relationship. Being on POF is just one more way to expand her search for such a male.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
His gf answered the phone!
Posted: 9/13/2008 9:56:53 AM
OP
My first response is to refer you to an old thread by Jarbarian, "So You Want a Second Chance". Find it and read it.
My second comment comes after reading your profile and your irritation at being called a stalker. I dont mean to diss U in anyway but from your comments about swagger I think you tend to chose "bad boys" which typically means self-centered losers who only are out for themselves. I havent a clue why you would chose those types for your life but from observing the numerous threads from their victims I have to suggest that you examine yourself, your behavior and maybe think about changing yourself and not worry about the Ex (badboy) and his new g/f. Repeating past mistakes is a trait that guarantees continuing misery.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 16 (view)
 
CNBC basically just said we are all F**KED.
Posted: 9/13/2008 8:37:50 AM
Whatever will happen as a result of the Fannie-Ginnie bailout will take time. One must always recall that the "global economy" is a tangled and intertwined situation that will spread any disaster far and wide. The chinese stand to lose more than they gain if they topple the US dollar because they hold much of the dollar debt due to the horrible imbalance of trade the past few years. For years and years it has been patently obvious that the USA political system willfully violated the wisdom cited by one of the founders of the noble experiment in freedom, Ben Franklin. He knew at the outset that any democracy-republic would eventually fall when the citizens figured out they could VOTE THEMSELVES MONEY. Until LBJ decided to create "The Great Society" the political system exercised reasonable restraint even during the depression and WWII. Unfortunately since that time it has been one program of "entitlements" after another financed by future debt. The current USA scramble for the presidency has uncovered the new candidate of tax cuts for 95% of the taxpayers coupled with total health coverage for all. Can we say ENTITLEMENTS for everyone??? For you Euro ppl that obviously despise the strength of the USA and look forward to its fall, just remember what happens to the USA happens to Europe. The USA was victorious in two world wars as was freedom for Europe. Failure of the USA will take Europe along with it.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
i'm done in here ;)
Posted: 9/12/2008 9:10:18 PM
A-muse,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,of course! if you havent found the love of you life in one week or less then this site is just useless. Next he will probably request a refund.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Ever thought about giving a ex lover an STD because you're still pissed about the way it ended?
Posted: 9/11/2008 12:22:12 PM
Come on Folks, labeling sending crabs as the most demented thing imagineable?? Get real. We all know people that have done petty, destructive, horrible things for revenge. Take murder for example. Most murders are commited by people the victim knows, therefore in some way was a revengeful act. Cant get much more severe than that. Crabs are a piece of cake compared to a morgue slab. We see the same revenge attitude expressed here in forums. There currently is a thread about a guy who (possibly) gave his g/f some STD's. There were numerous requests to know his POF screenname so the requester could sully the guy. That is revenge also, based on the story told by the OP. Revenge is nearly always ugly but sometimes it is merely amusing and poetic. (There is another thread about a pilot who dumped his Ex's belongings out of his plane) I think most people have contemplated some type revenge when they have been wronged, if nothing more than to have a personal laugh by hoping something nasty happens to the offender. Revenge is a common human emotion. In answer to the technical question of how would the crabs, or lice,,,or any organism stay alive while being posted,,,,thats simple, supply a small amount of food and moisture, the same way they are kept alive in a laboratory. (hopefully no one will be demented and dumb enough to do that). In summation there are a lot of emotionally hurt folks out there and revenge is one of the first things they think of but the vast majority (thankfully) never act upon their thoughts.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Faithfulness and Trust
Posted: 9/11/2008 11:54:34 AM
Excellent points WarmBrandie, once bitterness takes root it makes a persons life misery. Maybe they should start a POF recovery room here. Hi, I am Joe (josephine) and I cant stop bashing people in my life........................I trust no one,,,,you over there , stop looking at me like that............
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 9/11/2008 11:07:38 AM
OP, regardless of how and when the STD's originated , it is sad, and now you are stuck with them. I can imagine how that gnaws at you. I agree that all the red flags probalbly indicate he did cheat. Your constant questioning of "how can he continue to deny" is irrelevant at this point. The real situation is that you appear to be in denial . You face a decision that you apparently wont make. Will you stay with him or not? Trust between the two of you is rapidly approaching zero, if indeed it hasnt already reached that point. That usually spells the end of a working relationship. So at this point you need to focus on that decision. Stay and try to work things out or leave and start over. Either way it will take months and months to achieve emotional recovery. Good luck in making the right decision for you.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
How do you meet a nice guy on here?
Posted: 9/11/2008 10:33:40 AM
awwww,,TuckerJo,,,,,,,,,,,,,the gender-bashers will descend upon you like a plague of locusts for implying there are nice guys here. Recant while you have time and dont give the OP any false hopes,,,
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 28 (view)
 
When is it ok to meet in private?
Posted: 9/10/2008 6:06:32 PM
OP, you did not state how many dates you had with those men. If it was only one date then yes the men were too pushy and your instincts were on target. After 3 dates if you still have "fears" then either that guy is waving lots of red flags or you might lean toward being the paranoid type. I found all of CANAM's comments to be on target. My personal experiences with the paranoid types is that the problem fixes itself. I know that I find it unsettling to be paired with a jittery female who fears every shadow and if after 3 dates the woman is still being evasive about being in my presense in private then likely she wont hear from me again, problem solved. At the same time I understand about the first few meetings being held in well-lit, neutral, "safe" territory. Its only common sense for both parties. Plus if you read all the threads on chemistry often times rarely does one get to a 3rd meeting. The bottom line is to be cautious for a bit, listen to your instincts, but then as CANAM stated "it is a sad way to go thru life if you actually feel the need to fear each man that you meet"
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Real life is soooo much better
Posted: 9/9/2008 6:58:38 PM
Wes, I will try to stay on track with the questions in your original post but having said that let me add that I have enjoyed the responses and congradulate you on your ability to retain your cool despite the personal (and unwarranted) attacks. My experience is that POF'ers are tough to get to know: similar to your comment, frustrating. My guess is that the majority are experienced cyber daters that have been on several sites , finally discovered POF, and have turned both extremely selective as well as cynical and wary. I think 5 males to 1 female is a typical ratio but as another respondent pointed out it will vary by age and geographics. I hope you do not delete your profile because POF forums are entertaining if nothing else. As you already know singles sites, including POF, are just one other way of meeting people and who knows how one will eventually stumble across the person they dont want to live without? Oh, and dont worry about commas, semi-colons, colons , etc. There is no exam at the end of this thread. The object of writing is to express yourself clearly so throw punctuation where it makes things most understandable.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Significant lead in polls for McCain
Posted: 9/9/2008 12:37:49 PM
Yep, those working people of the United States,,,,,,,,,,,God Bless them. Not only do they have Fox News to tune into but most now use the internet and receive Emails that document the true Obama which cannot be swept under the "mainstream" (lack of) news any longer.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Time to Say Quits
Posted: 9/8/2008 7:12:48 PM
I guess we can just disregard all those profiles that have " looking for friends first and then if more happens",,,,,,,,,,,,,yes , OP, its probably better to skip being friends until you have healed enough or found someone new. The "experts" that I have read do recommend that one just move on and not try to remain friends because it prolongs the pain and may lead one or both to think there is a chance for more.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 77 (view)
 
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/7/2008 3:06:37 PM
ROFL,,,,,,,,,,,Brooker, many relationships are based on flimsy, shallow grounds, including marraige..........so why not a pre-nup based similarly. Yep, you would indeed advocate a one-sided pre-nup.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/7/2008 2:50:25 PM
for those that keep mentioning equally shallow things the woman should put in the pre-nup,,,,,,,,,one of the "rules" of an enforceable pre-nup is that both parties be represented by legal counsel. Believe me the womans lawyer would make sure that it is tit-for-tat on clauses and conditions or he would recommend she not sign the pesky thing. The bottom line is if you dont like , or arent willing to abide by the rules laid out in a pre-nup,,,,,,,,,then do not sign it.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/7/2008 2:38:38 PM
G. Ohara, msg 31, thx for the courage to respond as you did. It indeed is the age of NO personal responsibility, its always someone elses fault. Reducing things to the simplest equation most divorces probably happen because both parties ease up in the responsibility of maintaining their images (whatever they were) that attracted the couple together in the first place. They therefore become persons that the other did not marry and a partner finally decides to end the relationship. For those that advocate that the OP not marry and then just walk away whenever it suits him with no repercussions that would require a pre-nup , in addition to being cold-hearted in reality that is difficult to do. If they cohabit most states consider that similar to marraige and everything is subject to the rules of divorce. His pre-nup condition may seem shallow to most of us but at least it would be plainly stated and his (potential) mate at least made aware of the rules. The title asks whether its reasonable. The purpose of a pre-nup is to openly state the rules of a possible future event (splitting up) where partners agree to follow the pre-set rules. In that sense yes it is reasonable because everyone knows the expectations . Pre-nups in many ways are nifty things because they can provide a set of rules of operation "in-the-event-of". This can be a comfort, a plan, and a deflector of high drama and stress during times of major emotional upheaval. . A similar device is the "Advanced Directive" that many people sign that directs health-care workers not to prolong life-sustaining efforts if a person has basically reached a vegatative state. Life is a complex journey and there are no real guarantees of a happy, contented, challenge- free existence. One has to be able to adapt to unexpected setbacks and adversity and recover. Signing pieces of paper are just attempts at making life more predictable.
 xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Met, hit it off, she crushed me....
Posted: 9/7/2008 1:37:12 PM
Hey Man
I know the hurt you describe. When hurting I ask you to think of three GOOD things she made clear to you. First she did her Ex a favor whether he knows it or not, Second she did you a favor whether you feel like it was or not, and Third you will get over it (slowly) whether you believe it or not. Use the experience in a positive way and move on.
 
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