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osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 77 (view)

Marriages Fatal Flaw Posted: 6/12/2009 7:37:02 AM
Getting married and having babies requires no thought and planning. Getting a driver's license and selling property and you have to at least take a test! It hardly makes sense that we make 2 of our biggest life changing decisions with little or no thought or planning in advance. It isn't until AFTER it screws up that we actually start using our brains and thinks seem so much clearer. Hindsight is 20/20, no? Well, what you say has merit, but it's not the solution either. I think premarital counselling should be required at a minimum. Most adults could tell you their partners favorite sexual position but doesn't know their partners spending practices or child rearing beliefs or career goals. I am divorced 7 years. I am now dating someone seriously, with no plans of marriage. I don't want to be lazy or dependent. Marriage is a business arrangement at it's core. Two entities merging to accomplish a common goal. If we treated it like that, it would make more sense than the "I love him" BS that we do now. Men are always pissed if they have to pay a dime when they want out of their marriages and many women are vindictive witches trying to punish their husbands. Instead they should be THANKFUL that they aren't spending another minute in a miserable marriage and they can part as friends with a chance to seek/find happiness with someone else. So I agree that it should be less emotional... marriage and divorce... but then again... if you're not feeling, then you're not living. - Enjoy the ride! ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

Cheating, unhappy & married with kids Posted: 3/27/2009 10:21:46 AM
Would you stay in a relationship because of your children? No, but I understand why people think they should, but they are doing themselve and their children and their spouse a huge disservice by staying. How would his wife feel at the end of her life to realize that she was married to a man who cheated on her constantly. She'd be furious and angry that she'd be tricked and lied to. SHE deserves to be with someone who loves her. He doesn't. Have any of you stayed in a marriage because of the kids? What happened? I tried to stay in my marriage for my kids, but like I said before, I was miserable, I wasn't the best parent and I deserved more. I was scared to lose my home, my income and my family, but 7 years later, it was all worth it! Have any of you divorced and still had great relations with your kids? Yep, better than ever and my girls are proud of how strong I am! How did you make that decision before the divorce? Through prayer and careful consideration of why I was here on this earth. Once I realized that I might love him, but he didn't love me, I was ok with my decision. How does he figure out what he has done to his wife over the course of their marriage? He's a lying cheating dog. He's selfish and thoughtless to think that by keeping his affairs a secret is helping her. It's not... it's helping him. She'd love to know that she's not in the same marriage that he is and now have an opportunity to find someone who really truly loves her and wouldn't cheat on her like he has. And how does he ensure he can commit himself to her, going forward? He can't and he wont. There is no negative consequence for his actions. He will never stop. A good man would confess and let HER decide what to do with him. Instead, he's selfish and coward and wants to keep her & his son so that he can "think" he's a good father or husband. But behind the curtain, he's a worthless husband and an even worse father for lying to and cheating on the mother of his beloved son. SO.. what do you think he should do? He needs to have a harsh look at his life and choose to do the right thing for himself, his happiness, his son & his son's well-being. Not to mention, he should allow his wife the right to know the man she's married to and let her decide if this is something she can live with. I suspect not, and allow her a chance to be happy somewhere else. He owes her big time. He's robbed her of precious time in her life that she can never get back. She's wasted her life on a lying cheat scum bag. He doesn't want to admit to his slimeball ways and wants to hide behind the lies so no one (including his family, friends, co-workers, in-laws, etc) don't know that he's a POS. He is not comfortable with counselling (just as an fyi) Well, I'm sure he doesn't want someone to point out what a POS he is either, but he should definitely seek counselling AFTER he's grown the balls to leave, so he can figure out if he's got a sexual addiction or some issues that prevents him to committing to a partner. He's a lying sack of crap... I would not want to call this person "my friend". Imagine if YOU were his wife. How would YOU feel? ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 95 (view)

Was I out of line on boobs?? Posted: 3/24/2009 7:11:01 AM
I don't think you were rude, but perhaps out of line. She wasn't asking for advice and you offered it unsolicited. I agree with you 100% though. However, I don't have any cleavage shots in my photos and I still get asked about the size of my breasts. It doesn't take much for a man to make a sexual comment - with or without cause/justification. =] ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

What would you really do?? Posted: 3/24/2009 7:07:55 AM
As long as you stay, you accept or condone her bad behavior. There is no negative consequence for her actions. She's argumentative, she's rude, she's inconsiderate.... she might be the love of your life, but you're not the love of hers. Life is too short to spend it with someone who treats you like garbage. NEXT! ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

How to cope with long term loneliness Posted: 3/16/2009 1:46:07 PM
There is no other way to say this without sound mean, but I don't mean it that way... but here goes... GET OVER YOURSELF! Life isn't all about you. Once you look outside of your "I need, I want, blah, blah" you'll see a wonderful world out there just waiting. Life is too short to focus on the negative. Instead of having a case of the "gimmies" try a case of the "givies"! Wear yourself out and become obsessed with giving and learning and growing. You're absolutely right... you need an attitude change. You don't need to hire a therapist and pay thousands of dollars to get an attitude change. Life sucks, life is wonderful... you choose. (And yes, I had to give myself this exact advise, so I know where you've been. It's so much better on this side. Looking back it seems so self-indulgent and selfish to be so self-centered!) Best of luck! ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

Empty Posted: 3/16/2009 1:39:23 PM
You've received some great advice... Sounds like you are nearly obsessed with this introspection of yourself. Like someone else said, you're young and the best thing to do is something else. Get a goal, a hobby or something to take your mind off of yourself. Don't just go thru the motions, but truly find something that you like to do and do it. Even if it's video games or painting model cars... just do it. Once you can stop focusing on your lack of a love life and get some perspective on things, it'll be clearer. ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

Fish Recipes anyone? Posted: 3/16/2009 1:09:51 PM
I am still experimenting with different seasonings and sauces. So far, I really like garlic and lemon... I will add a bit of ground red pepper for a little kick, but I'm still loving all the suggestions and ideas! I love fish and am happy to see I'm not the only one!

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 83 (view)

oral sex and swallowing cum and why they wont do it Posted: 10/7/2008 8:08:20 PM
Ok, I read the first 2 pages of responses and didn't see my opinion already stated, so here goes. I have give several BJ's over the course of my lifetime. I wouldn't consider myself to be a "pro" by any standards or an expert. I can only speak from my limited experience, so here goes. When I was first married, I didn't know what the hell was going on. I'd give a bit of oral, but never to "completion". My ex was basically a "one pump chump" so too much oral and I knew that I would be left hanging in the wind. On the few occasions that I came into contact with his cum, I didn't care for it. For several reasons... mostly because he was a selfish lover and 2nd, because it didn't taste very pleasing. Now, being with my current bf, I sometimes spit, but mostly swallow. I will admit, that I've had other bf's that tasted better... one I recall tasted great.. but most men's ejaculate doesn't taste like peaches and cream... come on I have found it's all about my position while giving the BJ. Maybe I'm weird. If he's on top of me or we are upright, then I find it easier to swallow. If I am above him, leaning down on his penis, then it's harder. What I think is happening is this... when he is actually cumming, if it shoots to the back of my mouth/throat, then it goes down ever easily. Otherwise, if it shoots into the front of my mouth, it's harder to swallow. I will still swallow on occasion, but it's definitely hard and as most agree neater and cleaner. Because I'm 100% in love with my bf, I love to swallow and please him. AND just because he's been satisfied, he still takes care of me afterwards, so I love pleasing him! So... while taste has a significant factor to swallowing, positioning is the key factor for me. If he wants me to swallow, then he needs to be on top of me or get upright so i can position his****deep in my throat where he likes it. I hope that makes sense... wow... I can't believe I just shared that will all of you guys! LOL ============================================================ My .02 cents "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

is there any hope to see the man i care about again Posted: 10/4/2008 8:22:00 AM
Why do you want to be his "option" while he is your priority? Doesn't make sense... if he has to step back and "think about it" then he's not the one. Move on..... fast. ============================================================ My .02 cents! "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Before I go Posted: 10/1/2008 7:42:48 AM
AMEN!!! It's sad, but the majority of men that I've met have barely lived up (physically) to their profiles or chats. Looks are everything, but then I find out they've only been seperated from their wives for 2 weeks (if that) and are "ready to move on and find a great girl". Sheesh... I'm still a huge fan of online dating, but I've certainly learned a lot. I don't fall in love over a few emails and phone calls any more. I've had more disappointments than sucesses. And all I count as a success is that I meet the guy that I'm expecting and he's 1/2 of what he's claimed to be. To reiterate your advice: DON'T LIE! Don't have 10 year old pics, don't lie about your marital status, don't lie about your height, your weight, your income or your criminal past. If you truly want to find a REAL relationship, the LIES will ruin it in the end. DUH! Have more self-respect and integrity for yourself to deceive good honest people. In my heart of hearts, I believe that no matter what you're looking for, (true love, a sugar daddy, a friend with benefits, dominatrix, etc.) you'll find it if you're honest about it. There are tons of men (and some women too) willing to take on a beautiful woman/man to be their bankroll. There are many people out there that are just not ready for something long term but want a semi-commited FWB's situation... if you ask, ye shall receive! JUST DON'T LIE ABOUT IT!!! I've met several nice men, but they just weren't right for me. Sadly, the vast majority of the men I've talked to or met were nowhere close to a match and could have disclosed something in advance to clue me in. I'd have never wasted our time if he'd been more upfront. I'm not saying that you need to reveal every wart to it's minute detail, but if you're married, have lied about your pictures, height, weight, teeth, hair, etc, it's not going to work. Don't act like a victim when you don't get a 2nd date and call all of the women you meet b1tch3s or shallow or money hungry for not giving you the time of day. I feel a rant coming on.... {{{{{begin rant}}}}} I'm sick of fat, ugly, bald, toothless, stinky, jobless, homeless, penniless men whining about the wenches they meet who are only after the good looking rich men. I am an average looking woman, from an average background, perhaps less with an average job. I'd like to find a man somewhere in that ballpark for a partner. I've tried dating the rich men and I felt out of place. I've tried dating the uber handsome type and I find him too boring and shallow. I've also tried to date the super athelete type and I couldn't keep up. SOOOO, I've learned that I need to stick to truly what is a good fit for me. Stick with a realistic idea and goal of a partner. Seek out women who truly are a good fit for you. If you don't know what is a good fit, then find the hell out. Women are not shallow or witches for wanting to date a man who can bring something to her life and not a charity case. {{{{{end rant}}}}} Sorry about that, ya'll. Have a good one! ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Can you say WOW! on the first date? Posted: 9/29/2008 6:42:10 PM
Ok... so yes, you can say whatever you want and justify that you're just being honest and going with the moment, but I say, don't do the "wow"... Although she might be a knock out, if you focus on her external beauty, then it will seem to her that is all you noticed. It's frustrating to walk away from a first meeting and feel that a man didn't even connect with you on any deeper level than just being physically attracted to you. And besides... a beautiful woman hears it all the time. It's the man who doesn't go ga-ga for her that will catch HER attention. They can't stand to be "ignored". If you want to make an impression and catch her attention and get a 2nd date, then don't do the "wow". ============================================================ My .02 cents "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

what to do about seeing an ex of less a year now engaged and wanting a kid Posted: 9/24/2008 8:48:17 AM
When I left my "faithful" husband, he moved in with a women within 3 weeks (who he'd just happened to know for the past 2 years) and they had a baby less than a year later. It killed me. It's been six years now and I'm happy for all of them, but mostly happy that I left. Time will heal, but you just have to be patient. ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

looks are everything Posted: 9/23/2008 2:09:41 PM
There is nothing... NOTHING wrong with wanting to actually SEE the person you are contemplating dating or meeting. It doesn't mean you're shallow or vain. EVERYONE has the RIGHT to be attracted to their partner. PERIOD. Posting a picture is common courtesy. To me, it's like wanting to talk to someone from behind a half-closed door.... It's one thing if you just want to chat and be "friends', but if you are looking for romance...(and this IS a dating site, correct me if I'm wrong) but when it comes to romance, we are talking about hormones and biology. Every human needs to get that thump thump thump for their potential sexual partner. I am sick of the whiners (aka less than attractive people who haven't accepted their looks and want to date someone MUCH better looking than themselves. I'm not much to look at, but I've accepted the fact that Brad Pitt isn't going to call me!) who are mad that they are judged on their looks but when they are searching for "The One", I wonder how much looks plays into their attraction? Who do YOU contact? Girls with the "great personality" or the girl with the eye-catching photo? If a woman isn't blonde haired, blue eyed, size 0, then she's judged too! How many girls have you contacted? huh? be honest! EVERYONE, even the pretty people are judged on their looks. It's biology, not shallowness. Get over it... Thank GAWD for biology, passion, chemistry, etc... I'd rather have someone see me before meeting so they can get an idea if they find me attractive or not. Sadly, (in my limited experience) most people don't look like the pictures they post. I've rarely met a man who looked better than their pictures... usually worse. (Yes, women do this too!) I wish I could say that I could fall in love with someone's personality... I've tried it... but when you're trying to find "The One", you're kidding yourself if you don't think that basic attraction has to be in place to make it work. Stop complaining and get real. Be honest with yourself. You'll be much happier! There is someone out there for all of us... just open your eyes. ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 60 (view)

Time to Say Quits Posted: 9/16/2008 5:40:40 PM
My heart breaks for you... I wish you a speedy recovery, but it sounds like you both are dealing with it as best as possible. For now, it's best if you make a clean break from him. It'll be hard for you to attach to someone new if he's still active in your life and thoughts. I have been single and dating and sorta been in your shoes... it hurts, but in the end you're looking for "The One"... and he's not him. Coming from someone who's still looking for "The One", it's ok to live, learn and love and enjoy those who come into our lives along the journey. Hugs! =========================================================== My .02 cents "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

He wants to text only, avoids phone calls. Posted: 9/16/2008 12:48:59 PM
I bet he's married. If not married, probably has a gf. I've seen that a dozen times on POF... he's probably a player. Beware! ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

Only a convenience!? Posted: 9/8/2008 4:42:40 PM
You start the conversation by, "what's up?" I know what it's like to be lonely and to jump a bit too soon... but you aren't losing a good man... you're not losing your soulmate. Like someone else said, think of it as winning! Kick him to the curb, and fast! You are not making him homeless, he made himself homeless. You don't owe him anything. You've done your charity work for the year and consider it a lesson learned and you had a bit of fun, right? You are not a **** for confronting a liar and user. I don't do confrontations either, so if you can't talk, at least pack his shit and have it packed in boxes for him when he gets home. You have nothing to salvage or save... He should be just a little bit grateful and kind for all that you've done. Apparently he doesn't see it that way. Move on, he's not the one. If you're lonely, join a class, visit your kids/grandkids, get a 2nd job in a more social environment... whatever... but don't accept being treated like crap. If you don't mean anything to you, then how can you mean anything to someone else? Hugs, hugs, hugs! =========================================================== My .02 cents... "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Am I overreacting? Posted: 9/4/2008 2:06:52 PM
This is a tough one... not enough information. You say that you have "alarm bells" going off, but based on the limited information you gave us, I don't have the same bells and I am pretty sensitive to the weird stuff. If he doesn't know where you live, then I don't think him being at the park is weird. Since it sounds like you two have had some chemistry over the course of your dates, and you met at the park, then maybe he really just likes this park. I live right next to a park, but when I think of spending time in a park, this one isn't the one I'd go to. The fact that he looked up your work online to send you flowers sounds thoughtful not creepy. Most guys won't go to an effort. With that said, I'm guessing that there is something more going on. I'm guessing there is more behaviors he is exhibiting that also seem needy, clingy or creepy. Yes? No? If you have a few more weird vibes or examples of some creepy behavior, then yes, it could be a total weird package, but based on the limited information you provided, I'm just not seeing it. =========================================================== My .02 cents "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 153 (view)

Sorry Hun, I'm Pregnant... Posted: 8/26/2008 8:15:09 PM
I think this women is a lying scheming witch. I feel bad for this guy... he is now going to have to co-parent and try to raise an unplanned child with a women who lied and betrayed him from the beginning. I think it's none of your business, true, but I think you're right. You're friend was screwed, she's a lying lowlife and life goes on. Now is not the time to say, "what if", instead, "what now?" ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

It's ok to say not interested.. right? Posted: 8/26/2008 4:34:27 PM
I think it IS the norm nowadays to just get "ignored". I am guilty of it as well. If I go on a date and want to see him again, I try to say it on the date, otherwise I am sure to text or email quickly after getting home so he knows that I would like to see him again. When I am NOT interested in seeing him again, I will just send a polite "thank you" for the evening, date, meal, whatever, etc. Obviously, on the dates where I didn't feel a connection, I don't send mixed messages. I don't giggle, touch, snuggle, hold hands, etc. And when there is a connection, I am trying to send those messages. My one tip to all men about trying to figure out if a woman felt something, is ask yourself this... Did you iniate any physical contact. If we like you, we'll try to touch you in some way. Even if it's just a nudge. On a first date however, I suspect there could a thousand reasons why someone wouldn't want to see the other person again. I really don't want to hear the reason and I actually PREFER to be ignored. I can skip the whole, "It's not you, it's me" speech. Silence speaks louder than words, right? ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

is is all my fault? Posted: 8/22/2008 9:03:22 AM
I am sure this has a bit of a cultural issue going on here... If he's Middle Eastern, I'm sure he didn't take kindly to your insults and gay remarks. No one, especially a man, much less a Middle Eastern man likes to insulted. That isn't rocket science. You are 31 years old. You're not a child here. Hopefully, you've heard of the Golden Rule, "Treat others the way you wish to be treated". The key word is "wish"... if you want to be adored and loved, you need to give it first. Seems like you are aware of your lack of ability to think before talking. I guess I try to not say stuff that I can't take back. I don't like to insult and hurt people with my words. If you wouldn't want to be critisized, then why would a man want to be belittled? You'll find that most people are drawn to the people that make us feel good about ourselves. Since you can't seem to get over this guy, seems like you are definitely attracted to him. Perhaps you can learn what he did to make you feel so good and start treating others that way. Sounds like you have been able to get away with insulting people and you've run into the first guy who won't tolerate it. I suspect that since you only saw this guy once a month that it's not so much that he was some super boyfriend, but you can't stand the rejection and it's driving you nuts. I have a sneaky feeling that you'd gotten the great looking guys because you are an attractive lady. At your age, men are not willing to settle for the attractive lady who's shallow and mean and selfish. Have a good look at yourself and see what is it about you that would truly attract and hold a man. If it's only your looks or sexuality, then it's time to dig a bit deeper and work on being a kind, loving and giving person who men will feel like a "King" when he's around you. I hope you're serious and not just trolling for compliments on your looks. I think you'll learn more from your loss than the gain. As far as this guy goes, it's over. You've burned that bridge, so I don't think you can go back. Say your apologies, and truly be remorseful for your words/actions and move on. This is exactly how we "learn and grow". Most of the learning we do is from our mistakes and not our successes. Just because you've learned your lesson doesn't mean he can forgive and forget and wants you back in his life. I'd guess that the sees you in a completely different light and he no longer wants to pursue you in a romantic way. I know that once I've seen a bad side of someone... a trait in them that just will not be compatible with my needs, I just don't feel the same way about them. I can't turn my feelings back on to suit them. No matter how sorry or remorseful they are... I just don't feel it. I'm sorry for your loss. Now you get to go out and start fresh with a guy who doesn't harbor ill feelings towards you. You'll be a better person in your next relationship, right? I'm Sorry. =========================================================== My .02 Cents "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

staying over nite Posted: 8/20/2008 1:48:39 PM
My god I love that questions! Let me tell you my experience. I am lets say a mature woman who has been hanging out with a younger man of 25. He says we have no relationship and are just friends and that is it. Now we have been doing this for 6 months. He has no clothes etc at my house but at times stayed here for 5-6 days a week. Yes we sleep together and we also have sex. Yes great friends and have alot of fun together. Now I know that this will never be anything else long term. BUT. is this a relationship? If not what the hell is it? Someone tell me... It's FWB... no more, no less. If you're having fun and it's satisfying your current needs, then don't over-analyze it. If you eventually want a LTR with anyone, then he's not the one. Better to end it sooner than later, so you don't waste too much time. But I like to say, "Get while the gettin's good!" I guess I'm probably in a similar situation. Been w/ my bf/fwb for 8 months, but he's never said he loves me, we don't talk about the future, we don't share finances. However, we live together at his sister's sister's house. We vacation with each other's kids and from the outside we look like a real "couple". I've tried asking him if he has feelings for me, but he answers me with a question... It's frustrating. I come from the belief that if someone won't give you a yes or no answer, then their answer is probably the answer they know you don't want to hear. So, I've resigned myself to just accept it as it is and "get while the gettin's good". When it's over, it's over and I'll enjoy the ride till then. And yes, I know it's gonna hurt when this comes crashing down... ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 58 (view)

Will he ever call me again? Posted: 8/20/2008 9:25:44 AM
This is that situation where the saying fits perfectly. "Why allow yourself to be someones "option" when they are you're priority". I call it a backburner girl... Obviously there is someone out there that he wants to pursure over you. Doesn't mean you're not good enough, but the timing is wrong. He has a history with this person that he doesn't with you. You can't compete against that... So while he's off trying to sort out his relationship with the ex, you're waiting to find out if you get to make it up to bat. He's not the one for you. ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 101 (view)

ATTENTION ALL PROUD REDHEADS!!! Posted: 8/20/2008 8:01:01 AM
I am a dark blonde who had red-headed twin girls with a man who's also very very white blonde. There isn't much red in either of our families, especially not to the tone and coloration of my girls. I have no clue how I ended up with redheaded girls, but they are stunningly beautiful. They are fair skinned, blue eyes and no freckles. I hope they give me a brood of red-headed grandkids someday! ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

Private about phone number Posted: 8/20/2008 7:15:57 AM
From personal experience, I will not agree to met someone in person if I haven't talked to them on the phone first. Yes, I know I run the risk of getting unwanted calls later, but so far it's not been a real problem. Men seem to catch on pretty fast when I'm not interested. (I'll admit though, that I still get a random call or text from a guy that I went out with once over a year ago... I have never once initiated any contact with him since and I don't see how in the world he would think I wanted to talk to him again!) Other than that small risk, I think the payoff is much greater to speak on the phone prior to meeting. There are several men I would have never have met if I had taken the time to talk on the phone first. I don't blame you for the safety concerns, but if this is a man you're considering to meet or date, I think a phone call is absolutely appropriate. ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Don't limit yourself Posted: 8/13/2008 9:28:11 AM
I'm glad to hear that you found "The One". I have tried limiting my preferences and also putting no limits on them... If you really want to be available, then keeping your preferences open is probably best. However, I will stick by the fact that limiting by age and some other factors is probably a good idea too. When I was single and my profile was searchable, if I didn't place restrictions on who could contact me, I'd get emails from people that were not remotely someone that I'd consider dating. Then I felt obligated to explain why not... Congratulations! ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 78 (view)

Need some advice ... Especially ladies Posted: 8/13/2008 9:22:34 AM
I doubt you did anything wrong. Being a woman, I've had this same situation happen to me both ways... When a guy was completely into me and he disappeared, I was just at a loss as to why. I would question myself "what went wrong?" Then... when it happened to me, with ME being the person who disappeared, it all clicked. Sometimes we meet great people online. They seem wonderful and have great relationship material. However, you never know if it's the right time for them too. Sadly, I've met (and disappeared) on a few great guys. It was not because of THEM, it was because of me. So for once, the cliche' "It's not you, it's me" really applied. Sometimes I disappeared because of the issues i was having in my life and I wasn't in a position to share them or deal with them while trying to start a relationship. Sometimes it was because another guy I was interested in popped up and I was more interested in them and didn't want to lead anyone on. Rarely, in my opinion did I ever have one of those "dream dates" and then disappear because of something HE did or said. It was always me. Looking back, I still have some fond memories of some great first dates but have no regrets because I knew it was a timing thing and nothing more. I wish them all well and hope they found someone ready when the time was right for them. When and if I become single again, I've got a whole new outlook on the situation completely. Keep your chin up and just enjoy the memories. Good karma is a good thing. ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Airlines charging servicemen and women for extra bags Posted: 8/13/2008 9:14:19 AM
I guess I'm gonna sound like an ogre here, but I think the Govt should pay for it. They should issue the vouchers in advance or whatever they need to do. I don't think any private company should have to shoulder the burden of providing free products or services to a military person when it's the Govt's job to take care of their traveling expenses. To me, it's not much different than a Military person walking into your place of business and demanding/expecting free services or products from you. Of course, as a business owner, you can opt to make donations at your discretion, but you shouldn't be FORCED to choose the GOVT as one of the recipients of your charitable gifts. ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Expiration Dates Posted: 8/11/2008 4:01:33 PM
I have no expertise in this area except by trial and error. I do the old fashion, "sniff test" first... It's pretty much mandatory for old food in the frig. If it passes that test, then I'll do the "best if used by" date test... as long as that day is within the last 10 days or so, then I'll do the "taste" test. If it passes the taste test, then I'll use it. In general, I believe once when I took a food handlers class, they said that most food has a lot of preservatives and that "best used by" dates are when the food is at it's "freshest". Doesn't mean it's bad or gonna kill you, but it won't taste as great. If you eat a month old twinkie... ur not gonna die, but it won't be moist and yummy, but it will fill the hole. Thankfully, when food is bad, one of your 5 senses will clue you in. I'm not wanting anyone to contract "salmonella" or anything, but we get a bit paranoid about food freshness in this country. We are a society of germiphobes. Back in the WWII, they'd eat spoiled food and they knew it... it still had nutritional value, but just didn't taste good anymore. Heck, cheese is supposed to be aged! Once you've tried a few things, you'll get the hang of it. Which foods last a while, which ones don't... more preservatives vs. foods w/ less, etc. Maybe it's a Mom-talent, but don't let it bug you too much... You'll learn fast. ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

What to do? Posted: 8/5/2008 11:25:42 AM
Obviously, we don't know all the details, but just based on the fact that she lives w/ her parents and her 7yo child and you maintain a home, I've got red flags going off here. SHE wants to live downtown... and you have to sell your home in order for her to do so. Why doesn't she live downtown now? Is that where her parents live now? Does she really just want to escape her parent's home? How well do you know and get along with her child? Do you want to be this child's step-father? I'm not sure where you live, but selling your house is not a good idea right now in the US economy. Maybe it's different where you live though... I'd suggest renting out your place for a year or so... Try renting a place downtown, if that works for you too... and then give yourselves 1 year to "make a go of it"... play house, try the co-parenting thing, the whole living together, financial sharing thing... Sort of a test drive, so to speak. If it doesn't work out, you've still got a home and it's equity to return to, she's still got mom and dad to return to. Be absolutely sure to check out the laws concerning "Common law marriage" though... you could be getting into something that you can't get out of... If it does work out, then maybe sell and buy something new as a couple, but be sure to protect your equity w/ a pre-nup or something. She needs to contribute if she wants a piece of your home equity. Be careful... Do you even want to move downtown? How does that work out for you and your life and job? ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 79 (view)

Anybody had any success with Craig's List? Posted: 8/4/2008 1:42:09 PM
I actually met my current bf of 7 months on CL. I had posted a few ads over 2007 and got many (50-100+) replies from the same guys each time. Usually, it seemed 90% of the responses I got were from guys who were not even close to what I was looking for. I did meet a few of them, but not too many compared to the amount of responses I rec'd. I'd guess I met less than 1 in 10. So, in some ways, it was very distracting... very time consuming answering all the dang emails. Rolling my eyes and laughing too... In the end, obviously it's had a good result for me, but I met him thru HIS personal ad and not my own. If you need an ego boost and have some time to spare, I'd say go for it. Be prepared for the old guys, the pervs, the little boys and the scammers and especially the married guys. Some admit to be married, some don't, so learn the signs. I love CL for all the other stuff... cars, boats, rv's, the forums, the free and barter section. I've had a lot of great success using those. Again, you need to be careful. I've heard of some crazy stuff... so be careful giving out your address and stuff like that. Oh yeah, if you read the "Best of Craigslist" section... I don't think there is anything funnier than that place... OMG... it's insane! LOL Since CL is free, take it with a grain of salt. Have fun, but don't get your hopes up and be safe! ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 136 (view)

Could you marry for security? Posted: 8/1/2008 10:34:37 AM
It sounds like you have some feelings for him, right? This isn't a situation where you are really seeking to milk this nice guy, correct? If you like him, and you've tried dating and haven't found anyone else... then ya know what? I would probably consider it. Truthfully, if you really give it a good shot and have a good heart with good intentions, you will likely fall in love with him over time. It would be best if you could communicate to him in some way that your feelings are not as strong as his, so he is aware that he's taking a risk too, but people have married for years for dumber reasons. If he's a nice guy, is good to you and your child... if you truly intend on giving it your all, then go for it. Why not? ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

Oh now, she looses the weight Posted: 8/1/2008 9:58:46 AM
Now that she's lost the weight, would you/ do you want her back? I sorta did the same thing... I wasn't as heavy as your wife, but I did lose weight after my divorce and I've kept it off for over 2 years now. I ate because I was unhappy, and now I'm happy, so my health is very important to me. I didn't lose weight to "get back" at my ex or make him jealous. In fact, he's been with a woman since 3 weeks after we split. I assume he's very happy with her and I don't think he is or should be concerned with the size of my butt. However, at the recent marriage of our daughter, and a few other family events prior, I've been told that my ex makes comments and in general tries to avoid me. I really don't care, I don't need his approval for my happiness. I did notice at the wedding that his long time girlfriend was more dressed up, made up and had her hair done and no one had ever seen her be so dressed up before. I personally thought she looked great! I hope she didn't do it because of me, but if she did, I hope she felt great, because she looked great with a bit of care put into her appearance. If my improved appearance has inspired anyone to makes a good change in their life, then I'm happy. I don't want to make my ex jealous as I really do not want him in my life nor do I seek any type of communication w/ him. I don't brag, I don't try to run into him and I don't try to find reasons to call him. I wish him the best and I hope someday that he'll be happy for me too. So what do you think of your ex now? Tell us the truth... if you can. ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 72 (view)

How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not? Posted: 8/1/2008 9:31:01 AM
In the world of Internet dating, there are no written rules, but I've come to find that rules are there, whether they are written or not. The newbies always struggle with this. On a first meeting, when you're saying goodbye, a girl and guy ALWAYS feels obligated to say that they had a great time, blah, blah, blah. When you walk in the door, however, it might not be that "great". If you ARE interested in a 2nd date, then a quick text sent right after you get home should say something like, "I had a great time. I hope we can do it again." OR something similar so the guy knows that you are open to seeing him again. Some guys ask in person, and I hate being put on the spot... esp if I DON'T want to see him again... In those cases, I simply say something like, "Well, see..." If I DO like him, then I'll definitely set something up for another meeting right then. Like another poster said, 1 text or 1 call or 1 email is it. Some guys think they have to wait 2 or 3 days to contact you... I don't play that game. In fact, I will usually tell a guy before meeting or during the meeting that if a guy doesnt contact me within 24 hrs, I just assume the's not into me and we're both free to move on, no need for an explanation. Come on... if a guy is into you, he's not going to wait 3 days to contact you again. And if you are into a guy, you don't want to wait 3 days either... in your case, you didn't want to wait a few hours. So, if you haven't scared him off, then my advice is to slow down a bit. If you blew it, then next time, take my advice... drop the hint about the "no contact in 24 hrs and I'm outta here" rule. If you dig him, text him once immediately after the date. He's probably driving home wondering what you thought of him... If you don't dig him, then it's up to you... email is probably the best avenue. A simply "nice to meet you, thanks for coffee (or whatever). I hope you find what you're looking for!" Does that help? ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 75 (view)

First Date Etiquette Posted: 8/1/2008 9:22:41 AM
No flowers... no gifts either. It's creepy and looks desperate. However, there is a huge difference between a first "date" and a first meeting. If you've never met, then absolutely NO flowers or gifts. Offer to buy the coffee or a drink or whatever. (even if you don't click, it's the gentlemanly thing to do.) If it's your 2nd encounter and your first real "date", then a single rose would be ok, but keep it very simple. ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

Guyspeak - Is this what he is really saying? Posted: 7/31/2008 8:38:22 AM
I think he means EXACTLY what he said. He doesn't want a girlfriend. I don't think he could have said it much plainer than that. He didn't hint or beat around the bush. He doesn't want a girlfriend. I believe he wants a companion, a dinner partner and some occasional sex. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but my guess he has NO intention of taking it further. It's up to you. Does this arrangement work for you? Do you want more? Do you need more? Do you want to just be this casual girlfriend thing to this guy, or do you want to have more? I don't think he's the one. If you're happy, then hang out and enjoy the ride, but know that it's gonna end sometime, so don't make plans or change your life for this. It's hard to live in the moment and not try to look ahead and make plans, but this isn't the guy who's going to go there. Us women, we like to think and convince ourselves that because he's so nice and so attentive that he's gonna change, he's really in love with us, he's gonna miss us when we're gone... At our age, you should know that what a man says, and what he does are 2 completely different things. I'm sure he enjoys your company, and enjoys the benefits of having someone to care about and talk to... You said it yourself... he's never been married, never engaged. It's a nice thought, but my money is on the fact it's gonna stay that way. You aren't "The One" who's gonna change him. A guy his age has held out for some perfection and dream of a woman who doesn't exist... Enjoy the ride, no need to actually "cut your losses", but you'll grow more attached every passing moment... So be ready for the crash. (btw, I'm in the same boat, but it's been 7 months for me... sigh) ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

I keep setting myself up to get my heart broken. Posted: 7/31/2008 8:28:05 AM
I've been in your shoes, but I'm nearly 40, not 18. You don't need to find "The One" right now... just a good guy to hang out with, enjoy the ride for a while and keep moving forward with your life. 18 is WaAaAaY too young to think of settling down. I was single for nearly all of 2007. After meeting tons of guys and dating some of them, I just couldn't find a guy that was right for me and me for him. I did sleep with a couple of them, but I don't feel that any of them "used" me... I am very responsible and take full responsibility for my sexual encounters. Whether I chose to have sex early on, or not at all, was not the answer to finding/keeping him. If you EVER believe that sex is going to hold a man to you, you are so completely wrong. No matter how hard he chases you, what sweet words he whispers in your ear, sex will NEVER seal the deal. EVER. NEVER... EVER. If you have sex, let it be because you want to have a fabulous night in bed with a guy who's gonna please you. Don't fake it... make SURE he gets you off. If he decides to stick around after that, then great, if not, then you got your satisfaction too! No regrets! Get on with life, get job, go to school, shop, spend, sleep and have fun. Find a hobby, hang out with your girlfriends and your grandma... those people will mean more than any guy you meet in the present. Wait a few years and then get serious about looking for HIM. You gotta know who YOU are and what YOU want before you can ever connect with a man for a life long commitment. Sorry for the lecture, but I'm just doing my job! Good luck! ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 45 (view)

just wanted to get some opinions on a man hitting a women when.... Posted: 7/30/2008 4:40:55 PM
When is screaming and choking normal? There is never ever ever an appropriate time to hit another human being. PERIOD. I'm 39 years old and have had a few relationships along the way. Never once have I ever been in a screaming, brawling, physcial type of "arguement". Why does the man have to be the one to walk away? That woman hit him at least twice, right? He's not more accountable that she is just because he's a man... It's like blaming a woman for getting herself pregnant... BS. I think she got what she deserved, but in today's society, he should have walked away the first time she put a hand on him. It would have probably shocked the hell out of her, it'll certainly would have ended the arguement and made her look like a fool. And truthfully, it probably would have pissed her off even more! That's some great revenge! However, I don't fault him... I think it's best to "be the bigger man" when you can, but she could have been the "bigger person" too. In an arguement, you're so focused on getting your point across, it's hard to "be the bigger person"; adult or not... Clearly, she's got anger management issues and any guy who puts up with it, deserves what he gets too. Sadly, with today's laws, if he's labeled an "abuser" it could really screw up his life in other ways. This is a classic case of "2 wrongs don't make a right!" He warned her twice, she got what was coming to her. I hope he knocked a few teeth loose. ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

shortest relationship on record Posted: 7/30/2008 4:28:51 PM
Ok... I think there is NO way that either of you could make a decision to be "exclusive" and really mean "exclusive" after 2 dates. I think that was just his way of saying, "I want to date only you right now and I hope you only want to date me. I'm not proposing, but I want to see where this goes." You took it to mean it was a "relationship". I agree with another poster that said, after 2 dates, his "coming on strong" was just him... in so short of a time, that is just a man beating his chest and trying to get your attention. Doesn't mean that you were the next best thing to sliced bread, but someone who he was attracted to and want to check out a bit more. I'm sure that he thinks you're a stalker, no doubt. I don't think you are at all. That is exactly how two people grow into a relationship in today's world. You call, you text, you email... very normal; even multiple times a day... nothing wrong with that at all. I'm sure when the texts and emails stopped suddenly, you were shocked and confused. (It's happened to me too, so I can relate!) I think he came on strong... sorta fell for the "idea" of you, but after a few dates, he lost interest. Was this his intention from the start? I don't know... If I had my guess, he didn't "intend" for this to happen, but I strongly suspect he's got a pattern of this behavior. At this point, what's done is done. He's not the one and wondering "what if" won't change anything now. Everyone says that they want to know WHY? What did you do wrong, right? Well, guess what? Do you REALLY want him to say the real reason? Maybe you remind him of his mother, you're too fat, too ugly, have bad breath, you're bad in bed, you're not socially up to his level or friends... Think about it... when you've dumped a guy, and you've done the whole, "it's not you, it's me" speech... did you EVER REALLY mean it? Seriously... You dump people because you just don't see a future with them and you don't have a desire to chase something that doesn't interest you any longer. Knowing the reason won't do much except hurt you, piss you off and lower your self-esteem. Instead, go over all of his bad traits and realize, that he's probably not the guy for you at all and you would be settling for "close enough" should you have continued the relationship. Any guy who treats me like that isn't work a 2nd thought. This isn't a case of "He's just not that into you", but rather "He didn't even know you in the first place!" NEXT!!! (The love of your life is still out there... when you find him, this guy will be nothing but a speedbump!) ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Dating 3 girls....yikes Posted: 7/30/2008 10:06:11 AM
You're not sleazy at all. As long as you're not having sex with the 2 new girls, you are NOT a pimp or a sleaze ball. The fact that you've disclosed the relationships to all the girls, is also a good thing. I'll admit though... Most girls (specifically the 2 new ones) will assume that you WANT more from them just by the sole fact that you are spending time with them on a regular basis. Girls make a lot of assumptions of a guy's feelings/intentions even when a guy has flat out told us that they don't want a serious relationship with us. Sounds to me that you are hung up on the Ex. You want to "wait" for her, but aren't sure she's ever going to come back or be the girl you want her to be any time soon. So, in the meantime, you are occupying your freetime with these 2 other girls. I suggest that you tell the 2 new girls that you have absolutely NO intention of taking your relationship further and that you encourage them to continue dating other people as well. If the newbies are sitting home waiting for a phone call from you, then it's not cool. They need to know that they should be out having fun. I'd also be sure to NOT be time hog for these girls. Don't date them too much, give them time to go out without you. Does that make sense? Once, and if sex becomes an issue with the newbies, then everything changes. Sex is a commitment and requires a different level of communication and expectations. As long as you stay sex-free from the newbies, then it's all about communicating and you're good to go sleazefree! ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Guys what is up? Posted: 7/30/2008 9:53:23 AM
Ok.. this is gonna sound like advice from your Mom... but I'm old enough to be your mom and you asked for it! Regardless of how or what excuse he gave you, he's obviously wanting to move on with a life without you. I would bet that he still has feelings for you - you don't spend nearly 2 years with someone without feelings. I doubt he's a soulless **stard, but just a young guy who's looking to grow up and figure out his life. Based on your age, I'm guessing he's pretty young too. You both are simply too young to settle down and after 20 months, it's best to try and part as friends. Remember the good times, don't hate him. Wish him well and go out and start living your life too. Sounds like school is going to take up a fair amount of time. Put your love life on the back burner and go out and sow some oats. Don't try to rush to the next chapter of your life... it's still ahead, but don't miss the one your on now. Don't pursue him, don't punish him. Sounds to me that he's a pretty nice guy who didn't want to hurt you more than he has to. I'm sure he's hurting right now too. Give yourself time and remember that the best times are still ahead. I promise. ===================================================== My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

What do yo do when man is busted by his wife? Posted: 7/24/2008 10:41:21 AM
Yep, it's happened to me twice on POF. I simply avoid the guy, but usually, they are contacting and emailing everyone woman possible, so they lose track of me pretty quickly too. Truthfully, if I cared a bit more and if the wife wanted, I'd go thru with meeting them and letting her bust him. I think people who cheat are losers and low lifes. I'm not sure if you can report their profiles to POF, but I didn't since I was sure that they'd simply go somewhere else and I am not their Pastor, wife, child or employee, so it's not my business to butt in. However, I am very comfortable in avoiding them or telling them to get lost and stay out of my life. Too bad the wife tolerates this crap.... sigh... ===================================================== My .02¢ :fish: :fish: :fish: "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Almost out of here Posted: 7/16/2008 3:14:24 PM
I am in a fairly committed dating relationship, but I keep my profile on POF so I can post in the forums.... I am addicted to 'em! I post nearly daily! My profile however is not searchable... I almost never receive any contacts from men except those that might stumble across one of my posts. So, it's fun and harmless and you're not hanging yourself out there for dating. My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

When to Tell Her about other interests? Posted: 7/16/2008 12:22:07 PM
I'd want to know before meeting. Everyone has their own sexual desires - to each his own. However, cross-dressing is NOT mine. I do not want to date a cross-dressing. There is no sense in meeting, dating or pursuing a relationship when I know that it would never be "fine" with me. You might think that if I fell in love with you and THEN you come forth with the cross-dressing that I MIGHT be ok with it because I'm in love with you. Well, truthfully, I think most women would feel betrayed, lied to and I'd guess 9 out of 10 times, it would backfire on you. If you want to have a good, open, honest relationship w/ a woman, then it's something that needs to be talked about from the get go. My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

How to get your mind off of someone? Posted: 7/16/2008 11:23:56 AM
When I've had to get over someone, my primary recipe is this... Alcohol - (Red wine seems to work well for me) Chick flicks - Pride and Prejudice (the 6 hr BBC version w/ Colin Firth) Chocolate - Hershey's or Dove Sushi - sushi makes me happy! And finally, put up a personal ad on Craigslist and watch the emails pour in! Nothing helps you forget an old love like a new one! LOL My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

What if the woman makes more money than the man. Posted: 7/16/2008 11:01:12 AM
Maybe I'm new to this, but currently, I make more money than my boyfriend. We don't really "share" expenses or anything, but we seem to work it out fine. I pay for dinners and our fun activities at least 50% of the time... sometimes more, but I don't mind. (I'm used to paying for my kids, so only paying for him seems cheap to me!) On the other hand, my bf's sister makes more than her husband and they have a few problems. He's basically an out of work chiropractor and stay at home dad. He cooks, cleans and does the laundry. He treats her very well and takes care of her, her son and the house, yard and pets. He definitely pulls his weight... However, she throws it in his face when they get in a fight. It crushes his self-esteem and masculinity. I feel bad for him. In my opinion, once in a "relationship", the money becomes "ours"... I don't mind sharing. Right now, I maintain seperate finances with my boyfriend, but if we get more serious, then I fully expect us to combine finances and expenses. Of course, this would be AFTER discussing it fully in advance. My .02¢ "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 52 (view)

Good reason for Insecurites? Posted: 7/16/2008 10:55:10 AM
Maybe someone else has already told you this, but come on... it's crystal clear to the rest of us. She cheated, you took her back and she refuses to make amends for betraying your relationship and trust. Her attitude is, "I'm back, so get over it!" Clearly, she's not committed to regaining your trust and her own integrity. DUMP HER!!! Once you find the right relationship, there won't be any "complications". DUMP HER!!! You are insecure for a reason! DUMP HER!!! She's not worth it! DUMP HER!!! Got that? Do I need to repeat it once again??? OK... one last time... DUMP HER!!! "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu ps. DUMP HER!!!

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 79 (view)

How old is too old? Posted: 7/16/2008 10:50:50 AM
You have to measure it on experience, baggage and expectations. If he's never been married, has no kids and is truly looking for what you are... (I doubt that you're old enough to really know what you want though)... then sure, the age gap isn't that big of a deal. However, if he's got an ex-wife, debt out the ying-yang, child support & visitation and he's "starting over"... then no... he's too old and you'd be better to move on. Let me point out though... YOU'RE ONLY 18 YEARS OLD!!! Sheesh!!! You have no business getting serious with anyone, much less a 30 year old man. A 30 year old man "should" be ready to settle down, buy a house, have babies... You're 18 and those things really shouldn't be YOUR priority right now. I know I sound like a mom... because I am a Mom. My 21 year old daughter just got married to a great guy who's 24. I think they make a cute couple, but I'll never believe for a second that she was mature enough for marriage. Will their marriage survive? I have no clue... in today's society, they've got a 50/50 shot, like everyone else, right? Come on... go have fun... don't worry about the old guys! My 2 cents... "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Fish Recipes anyone? Posted: 7/15/2008 8:20:29 AM
Hi... I'm a pretty decent cook, but not really experienced with seafood. I've always eaten fish broiled or fried, pretty much. Lately, we've been fishing and catching mostly rainbow trout, perch, cut-throats and brown trout. Anyone got a recipe or maybe a marinade that I can use for these fish? I don't care for frying, if possible. I want to take advantage of the fish, but frying it and broiling it, is getting a bit old. Any help?

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Theres this guy... Posted: 7/14/2008 10:48:17 AM
Ok.. here I go again... me and my big mouth... If he's like most men, he's getting his sex somewhere... if not from you, then he's screwing someone, k? Accept that fact. You say that you're friends and haven't had any sexual contact... sounds like you want more though, right? I think he obviously likes you on some level... but he's not moving into the relationship mode that you were hoping for. So there is obviously something holding him back, makes sense, agreed? S0 what could it be? mmmmm... I don't know you at all... but I'm gonna be honest with you, ok? The couple of things that jump out to me are these: 1. You're pretty young with 2 small kids... this is a HUGE turn off for most young men. 2. You're a door mat... you sound like you allow him to walk in and out of your life, so it's likely he's not the only person in your life who walks on you... It's shows a lack of self-esteem and self-respect. 3. Because of your age and motherhood, I'm guessing that you're not financially well off or stable. Again, a huge burden for men to deal with by dating you. 4. You're a BBW... Not all men are attracted to BBW type gals. Having a great personality isn't enough... a man needs to be attracted to his sexual partner. These are just a few broad assumptions on my part and I am not trying to be rude or offensive, but just trying to help you figure out what's going on in his head, ok? I don't know your living arrangements, transportation, your family, your job, etc... There could many reasons why he's "just not that into you". To sum up, you want more, he wants less. He's basically given you no reason to believe his feelings for you will ever change. You're trying to create a connection or a relationship that is nonexistent. If you want a relationship, he's not the one to give it to you. He can't be much more clear on that fact. So the ball is in your court... Do you want a friend without the possibility of more or to have him removed completely from your life because it confuses you so much? He's not offering anything more than friendship... Do you want that? My 2 cents... "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

osobluewithoutu

Joined: 7/31/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Can't be wife/mother and whore in the bedroom? Posted: 7/14/2008 10:33:11 AM
Ok... there is a lot to this story, but heres my 2 cents, for what it's worth... (About 2 cents if you do the math! LOL) I bet the two of you have a lot of chemistry and bonding... obviously there is a connection, but if it's that strong and he's still saying that there are "issues"... then truthfully, my guess is he's got some kinky or a bit "odd" sexual needs that he's afraid to talk to you about. I am sure he is connected to you too, but I think he knows he's got some "wants" that most women are not going to go for... He could be bisexual, transgender, etc... Both are not against the law but I don't think most women will accept either trait in a husband, ya know? I feel bad for you, but if he is certain that the two of you can't match up in the bedroom, trust me on this one... he knows it won't work in the long run. Better to end it now and move on. Wish him well and treasure the times you spent together. Doesn't make either of you a bad person, but just not a good match for each other. Best of luck! "If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu

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