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canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

profile review please Posted: 9/17/2009 3:22:44 PM
As others have pointed out, your photos suck. They are dark, inexpressive, boring, not smiling, all the same, with nothing interesting in the background. They all say "dating this guy will be boring. Don't do your own pics. Go out with a friend and do something interesting, have your friend use up your camera's memory card with shots of you, then pick the best. Your grammar in your profile is pretty good (a few mistakes) but your grammar in this forum post is poor. Always do the best you can do. With online dating, the impression you make hinges on how you look in your photos and how you come across in writing.

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

if you could be anywhere on this world where would it be and who would it be with Posted: 7/7/2009 8:08:42 PM
Everywhere. I'd like to tour the world. By bicycle. I guess it would take several years. It would be great to share the experience, but as yet have not found anybody.

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Couchsurfing.com Posted: 7/7/2009 8:05:55 PM
Another similar site, but only for long distance bicycle touring, is WARMSHOWERS. I recently hosted a gentleman cycling from NY to Seattle. I hope to do a long bike ride in about a year, and will be using this and couchsurfing. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

When are you most happiest? Posted: 7/6/2009 5:23:24 AM
Outdoors. Perhaps paddling down a river, deftly guiding the canoe between obstacles with just a twist of the paddle. or riding my bicycle along a quiet country road, under autumn foliage, and the dry leaves crunch under the tires. or backpacking in the mountains, when you suddenly come out in an opening where you get an awesome view at the peaks around you, and while its warm and summer on the trail, there's snow on some of the peaks. or stealth camping beside a river, where no one has camped before and its not exactly legal to be there, but with 'leave no trace' ethics, no one will ever know I'm there anyway. or while walking in the woods, finding a wild edible plant that is either new to me or I didn't know there was a patch of it so close by. And what would make it even better? To share the experience with someone who gets just as excited about it all as I do. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

My son wants to live with his Dad Posted: 7/5/2009 7:07:37 AM
I am in a similar situation, but from the other side. My kids lived with their mom since the D, (me in Michigan, her in Iowa) but after five years my son graduated and moved in with me, and a year later my daughter followed, with two years of HS left. I know it was a very tough decision for each of them, as my ex can be very controlling and hard to get away from. But they have always known they are welcome here, and I insist they maintain as good a relationship with her as they can. Children mature slowly and stochatically. When they are babies, they are almost wholly dependent on us as parents. When they turn 18 they are legally adults. The process is gradual, but goes in steps. Some of the steps are big - like walking, and this is one of those big ones. Time to loosen those apron strings that bind them to you. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

When do they have a right to know the truth? Posted: 7/5/2009 6:38:37 AM
Education. Your daughter is smart. She obviously knows how to think for herself well. She can tell the difference between valuable information and 'poisoning the mind' talk. His behavior is typical abusive stuff. You owe it to her to teach her that this is unacceptable, and you owe it to her to teach her how to deal with it, both emotionally and physically. Educate both yourself and your daughter on the patterns of abuse - physical, verbal, isolation, obfuscation, emotional, financial, sexual, etc. Educate both of you on tactics to avoid becoming a victim, even if that means her not seeing her dad. And especially, educate her on how to spot the potential abuser in the future, and what to do if she finds herself with one. Because one of these days she's going to be dating guys. And its so easy to date someone who seems familiar, ie an abuser. Its your duty to break the cycle. The education should be focused on the tactics of all abusers, not just her dad.

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Sleep Over... Posted: 7/4/2009 5:20:16 AM
Anonamiss got it right. (message 11) This isn't about the kids. Its about the parents! OP is in a tizzy because he isn't allowed to dictate other people's behavior 24/7. And he thinks he can get anything from the courts. Ha! the courts are smarter than this. And so are the lawyers who will see this sucker coming and will milk him for all he's worth so they can buy a new Lexus. Fact: OP is divorced from the kid's mom. Divorced means divorced!! He can no longer tell her what to do, how to live her life, and how to be a parent. That bridge has been burnt. This kind of dominant behavior was probably the cause of the divorce in the first place, and will be the cause of the kid turning more toward the mother than the hard-line ogre father. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Afraidness Posted: 6/12/2009 7:26:58 PM
sixth sense? Bah! It takes work and caring and commitment to make a relationship work. You have to decide if its gonna be worth it or not. Are the costs worth the investment of time and effort? Are you getting something out of this relationship? Is what you're getting worth it? Is your partner getting something out of it? Ask the hard questions, and make a decision based on the evidence. And then learn how to spell.

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Relationships a Distraction? Posted: 6/12/2009 7:39:47 AM
It depends on what you see as your "purpose here" For lots of us, our purpose includes sharing the experience of it all with another person. Likewise if your purpose is to be a hermit, then certainly, dating is a distraction. But we are a social species. We exist in community, we thrive in social settings, we join all sorts of organizations including churches, business, clubs, POF, neighborhoods, and we keep track of family. Its nice to have other people around in our lives. Its nice to share a roof, meals, leisure time, and yes, a bed, with another person. So no, I do not feel that dating is a distraction. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

You love your son to death and you want to keep the door open...yet he keeps closing it Posted: 6/10/2009 5:10:12 AM
Didi, I've read your comments to other posters, and I'd like to quote you with the following: "I've run the gambit with what is my right and what is not." "Seems as though my 12 1/2 year old wins!" "Sooooooo what is a parent to do? Lay down dead and say ok I put my hands up" "Do I play dead?" "I just feel like washing my hands of it all" "...it seems to somehow be all wasted time" "One minute he is craving a hug...yet in the same breath will say that he doesn't like his mother." "It's pretty tough to say fine, my job is done. I'm no longer your mother." "I do need to play dead in all of this." One of the threads I see here is what they call "black and white thinking". Teenagers especially don't function well in a world of hard rules, either/or decisions, lines drawn in the sand, and other absolutes. Their world is changing, their interests are evolving, they're seeing nuance in the world, they appreciate a wide array of options. Chocolate and vanilla isn't enough - they want access to all 31 flavors. And you can provide that. (if you want to) But to do so you've got to see the world as nuance. See decisions as a continuum of many choices from one extreme to another. He may not be living under your roof, but there are ways you can remain involved in his life. Some examples. When my daughter was living away at her mom's, we wrote a story together - we'd each add a paragraph or two then email it to the other for the next part. It was fun. I'm not a gaming person, but they invited me, and I joined, and played an online roleplaying game with them. I encouraged my parents and siblings to remain involved in their lives. Those are things that can be done when you're miles apart. Those are ways to be PARTLY involved in your children's lives. Good luck with it Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

You love your son to death and you want to keep the door open...yet he keeps closing it Posted: 6/10/2009 4:44:48 AM
I can relate. My ex moved to another state, our two kids with her. My daughter would come for the summers, but not my son very much. And he wouldn't communicate why. Eventually he graduates from HS and decides that he's moving in with me. Wow!?!? Major change. Now he's an adult (20), flexing his wings, and he occasionally visits his mom. I attribute his move to a few factors. 1. I always loved him. No matter how he treated me, I always loved him. 2. I was always there. If he ever needed someone to talk to, just call. He rarely did, but the door was always open. 3. The few times we got together were always positive. 4. We never fought. Good luck. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Guys' turn to respond to what the ladies said... turn offs Posted: 6/10/2009 4:22:08 AM
Smoking. I can deal with most anything, but seriously, when was the last time you wanted to lick an ashtray?

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Does not understand Posted: 6/3/2009 7:00:11 AM
Wow. If someone did that to me, I'd go immediately to the POF forums and ask complete strangers why this man behaved thusly. Right! He's history. Work on yourself. Improve yourself. Make yourself the best person you can possibly be. You can! 1. Get a job. I don't care where you are, there's jobs available. They may have you doing menial grunt-work, but you gotta have some income. 2. Keep the job. 3. Don't even THINK about getting into another relationship until you've got your sh!t together.

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Comments? Questions? Posted: 6/2/2009 8:11:20 AM
I agree with previous posters about the pics. The dog? delete. You with the dog? That would be a keeper. Your first line is so cliche and boring and means nothing. You mention camping. Are you talking about in a full size RV with hot tub and satellite? or are you talking about out in the middle of nowhere in a tent? Keep working on it

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Have My Helmet On...Review away... Posted: 6/2/2009 8:06:39 AM
Onamission, your profile is excellent. Sure, you're not going to turn off some people, but you're only looking for one, right? And those that don't 'get it' from your profile won't 'get it' from you in person. You never say "I'm funny" or "I'm sarcastic" etc. But your profile screams it, and if there's a local gal looking for someone who will make her laugh, who understands the nuance of language, they'll be attracted by your profile. And if there are some women who don't understand punning, wit, and your type of humor, well they'd be a lousy match for you anyway. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

It's Just Sex! Posted: 6/1/2009 8:21:59 PM
Its about religion and power. Most of your western religions view sex as taboo. But look at Hindu temples, some of them are covered with carvings of people doing it. And there are some extremely graphic Buddhist statues too. When you restrict something, you'll first get people's attention. When you associate an act (especially an act that everybody's doing) with evil, you make people meek. Which gives more power to the church. The Shaker religion took it too far, and banned sex altogether. They died out. Oops. You can choose to attach morality to sex or not.

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

When you ladies get an email set to you, what gets you to respond? Posted: 6/1/2009 8:00:32 PM
Wow! Now you're getting somewhere. I'd suggest breaking it up into paragraphs, and remove any negativity. Now go out and write a few letters like that. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

When you ladies get an email set to you, what gets you to respond? Posted: 6/1/2009 1:07:08 PM
Men or women, the question is the same. If you're dating in a bar, its all about looks. But if you're dating online, its all about communication. A picture. That's visual communication. And the background shows how you live or what you like to do in life. A pic of someone on a ski slope tells me they like skiing, without even reading a word. A pic of you in your livingroom with nice art on the walls, etc says something different from a pic with empty pizza boxes in the background. Your profile. If there's nothing there, you will get no response. Ever. You gotta communicate. Sell yourself. Tell the world what you are like. Tell the world what you're looking for. Wanna sail around the world? Say it. Wanna sit on the couch and watch reruns? Say it. Spelling and grammar. If you can't do it, then online is probably not for you. Look at your profile. Would you date someone with what you've written? Would you date someone with no photo? Read the letters you send out. How would you respond if someone sent you that letter? If you don't put in the effort, you will not get any results. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

On the right track? Posted: 6/1/2009 12:51:22 PM
What does "being religious" have to do with anything? Plenty of very religious people have totally corrupted morals, and I know many non-religious people who I would trust with anything. And there's also lots of religious people with good morals. Just kiss her. She's probably wondering what's taking you so long.

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Trust or Respect Posted: 6/1/2009 12:42:23 PM
I had a gf who dances tango. Sure, I try to keep up, but she's like ten levels above my ability. She mostly dances with other guys, and I dance with women at my level. But later... it would be just us. Most recreational dancing - ballroom, tango, contra, square, etc is a social, recreational hobby. Its something you can do with someone else WITHOUT getting hung up on sex. You can have a totally mismatched dance partner - young/old, beautiful/ugly, liberal/conservative, or whatever and they can have a great time out on the floor, without even thinking about sex. OP, you need to get past your hangup. Cause that's all it is. It is not based on any reality. If she says she's only there for you, then you have to trust her. Just like it takes a village to raise a child, it takes many people to make one of us whole. We have plumbers, doctors, bosses, exs, family, etc. And dance partners. And lovers. You should be happy that your partner has friends in her life. You should be happy that she is comfortable dancing with other men yet can still remain true to you. That shows a higher level of maturity than someone who clings to only one person for all their interaction needs, and shows jealousy when their partner has a wider circle of friends. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 74 (view)

TRAVEL OR SETTLE DOWN? Posted: 5/31/2009 8:46:35 PM
When I was in college I always thought I'd take a bicycle ride across the US. I got married instead. And I forgot all about that dream. Now I'm unmarried, two kids are almost out the door, and that old dream comes wandering back into my consciousness. So now I'm sketching out plans for a grand adventure, by bicycle, around the world. This also helps with the money dilemma, as you can do it really really cheap. So, yes you can do the settle and family bit first, and travel later. But if had to do it all over again, I'd travel first. And health is the wild card. But there are 70 yr old folks out there traveling the world. They're just lucky! Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

taking public transportation Posted: 5/31/2009 8:19:34 PM
It also depends on where you live. In Chicago I knew many people who didn't have a car. Because you don't need one there! And I never drove one to work. But out in the smaller towns that were designed for a motoring public, its hard to get by without one. If you're looking for a partner who will respect your choice of living a car-free lifestyle, you should say it upfront, and present it as a positive aspect of your commitment. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

How to help save money in the economy Posted: 5/27/2009 8:58:48 PM
Creative House Selling On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow centre of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. On the fourth day, the husband came back with his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss. Then, slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked! People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house. Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house. Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house had been worth .... but only if she would sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home .... .. and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods! I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Being Outdated Posted: 5/27/2009 10:00:24 AM
Its all in your head. If YOU think its strange or wrong, then you will come across as strange and wrong. Perhaps if you temper your tastes for oldies with some newer stuff, and being able to hold a conversation where you can compare them (gee, that's like writing an english paper, LOL) you can bring your passion to a more positive light.

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

wot do u think bout post baby bodies? Posted: 5/27/2009 5:36:58 AM
Its all in your head. It ain't in ours! What we think matters little. What you think matters everything. Take responsibility.

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Would you date a man with a Vasectomy? Posted: 5/26/2009 9:14:23 AM
For dating? (if I was female) Yes. For a serious long term relationship? It depends on the age. If I was female and 20 and wanted kids? No. If I was 30, or 40 maybe. At 50 plus, definitely yes. I've had one, and its great. No more hassling with which method of birth control to use. And if you're monogamous, that takes care of the STD question. But a friend of mine also had one, then at 56 met the love of his life. But she's several years younger and wants kids. He had some frozen sperm, so they went through the invitro fertilization routine, and after four tries and mega $$$$$$ she's now expecting at the end of the summer. Vasectomy is the way to go. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Has anyone ever traveled across the Atantic on a container ship? Posted: 5/25/2009 3:58:51 PM
John Mc Phee wrote a wonderful book called "Looking For a Ship" which, as I recall, includes some of his experiences as a "Person in Addition to Crew" on a container ship. But that was many years ago. I've also heard of people joining a crew to transport a large pleasure boat from one port to another. Sometimes this is through the owner, or there are brokerage firms that handle this. Have a great adventure!

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

drama kings, FILFERs and burdens Posted: 5/25/2009 3:43:06 PM
Don't ya jus' love it when a forum post just goes wandering off topic? I had never heard of FILFERs. So I got the first four letters figured out. What does the ER stand for?

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Do Single Parents have problems being accepted in a church community? Posted: 5/25/2009 1:09:20 PM
May I suggest you go church shopping? There are so many different varieties of church out there. Some are geared more toward certain races or nationalities or societal sub-groups or as Carolann suggest the Unitarians, who pretty much accept anyone. I find that one must embrace hypocracy in order to participate in an organized religion. They say they believe in love, yet actively discriminate against the social group du jour. Ok, Magginoe, you can have your soapbox back! Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Why are women expected to contact the men in this Generation? Posted: 5/25/2009 12:57:51 PM
Why? Because if you don't go out and pursue whatever it is that you want in life, you ain't gonna get it. Time was when a man just followed into the same job as his father. We didn't have to go out and find a job. Our ancestors didn't have to pick and choose who they wanted to run the government either. It is a blessing and a curse that we now do. We live in a world of competition. Advertisers are competing for your attention, neighbors are competing for the greenest lawn, politicians compete for passing the biggest pork project. If you are serious about getting a man, realize that you're in competition with other women. Which means that yes, you will sometimes have to be the one to initiate contact. And you will sometimes have to suggest where to go for a date. And you'll have to sometimes pay for it. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Casual sex and what it really means??? Posted: 5/25/2009 12:38:12 PM
Sex without the emotional connection is not limited to one-night pickups and FWBs. Case in point: My emotional connection with my ex was broken a few years before we went our separate ways, but we still (although rarely) engaged in sex. There is a physical need for sex, and an emotional need for sex. If you can get both at once, great! But for most of us in the dating world, we spend our efforts finding one or the other, while searching for that elusive 'both' connection. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Five months across Canada Posted: 5/23/2009 9:05:16 PM
Algonquin prov park has a highway through the southern corner. Take it. There's some nice 1-2 hr hikes off it, and you'll learn lots about the flora and fauna and history of the area. Killarney Prov park is a great destination for canoe/kayak. Day, weekend, or longer. The highway along the eastern and northern shore of L. Superior is fabulous. Sudbury is quite a sight if you would like to see what pollution from a nickel smelter can do to the environment. Yikes. Although they say its getting better. Take your time! Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

my trust issues Posted: 5/23/2009 8:28:40 PM
Bach, first of all, break your posts up into paragraphs. One big block of text is harder to read. Be glad she's just a girlfriend, and you're not married. Just like it takes a village to raise a child, it takes many people to make any one of us whole. We've got plumbers, neighbors, bosses, exs, family, etc. Some of those people we are close with, some are just acquaintances. I'd be happy for her that she has lots of friends, and that she had amicable breakups with her exs. That shows some maturity. But she should be honest with you about where she's going, and who she's planning on being with. That shows immaturity. But the real question is why does she behave this way? Its because you've taught her! By challenging her, by questioning her, by showing jealousy when she's with an ex, you've taught her to hide those events. That's immaturity on your part. Jealousy has no place in a positive relationship. If you can't trust her, you shouldn't be with her. And if you can't trust any girlfriend, you shouldn't be with any girlfriend. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

denying what you once said Posted: 5/23/2009 8:22:20 PM
Sub, BPD is all about denial. Your thread is about denial. None of us forum folk really know the whole situation, and what we do know comes from only one side. It is therefore impossible to say if anybody has BPD. I am only suggesting you educate yourself on the subject, and see if any of the traits fit anywhere. Putting a label on a problem can often be the best first step. It allows you to learn how others have dealt with a similar situation. It can help you identify and avoid encountering the problem again. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

denying what you once said Posted: 5/23/2009 7:38:46 AM
Two comments. What is it that YOU are doing that is attracting this type of partner to you? Look at the common denominator. Second, If there is a serious problem with denial, along with blame and certain attention-seeking behavior, look into the possibility of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Could both men have it? Possible but unlikely. So here's the hard part: It may be you who has it. And if you have it, it is very unlikely that you can see it. Good luck.

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Parental Rivalry Posted: 5/22/2009 4:32:31 PM
I'm going to walk a fine line here. If your ex, your kid's other parent, has some serious issue like alcoholism, or some psychological disorder, I would certainly advocate that the child be taught how to deal with the other parent within the framework of their malady. Sometimes this will sound like ex-bashing (especially in the eyes of the ex) but if done with respect, I feel you should give your child the life skills to deal appropriately with the other parent, and also with other people they may meet later in life, especially girl/boy-friends and spouses. And you can also help them to identify and (if needed) to avoid relationships with people who may have some negative issue.

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Men, Does It Disturb You If... Posted: 5/22/2009 4:08:03 PM
Gee, this all seems so shallow. What is most important to me is how her mind works. Is she smart ('cause smart is sexy), can we have a witty conversation together, has she learned and grown from life's travails, and can she see through flaws to find a silver lining? Yes, a sense of style and aesthetics does have some importance, but only on the surface. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 53 (view)

drama vs. peace Posted: 5/19/2009 7:36:35 PM
Are you familiar with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) It appears that my ex has it, and it brings in lots of drama. But one of the really odd things about BPD is all the denial. Sure, she brought in drama, I did too. So did our kids, the dog, neighbors, etc. But she would never admit that she shared some responsibility for it. Other posts here talk of people who thrive on drama, but she didn't. She hated it as much as anyone else. But she could never acknowledge her role in creating it. Which of course added to the drama, and more denial, and the downward spiral deepens. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

drama vs. peace Posted: 5/19/2009 4:15:58 AM
Its about balance. No drama? Boring. Too much drama? Run away! I've done boring, and its boring! I've had to run away too. My question is: Is your drama under control? Are you going to drag me into your drama? Do I really care about how your sister's boyfriend is doing this and that, and last week there was some other issue, and yadda yadda ya. If I'm going to be in a relationship, I will want to know your history, your pet peeves, which hot buttons to avoid. And some of that falls into the category of drama. But if that's all you can talk about, I'll have to run away! Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Positive Words of Wisdom or Advice To New Fishers From Those Who Are Already Here Posted: 5/18/2009 8:50:38 PM
First thing I notice is that OP asks for positive ideas, then shortly lists a bunch of don't s. And others respond with more don't s. So here are mine. Do be yourself Do read the other person's profile Do respond to something in their profile or their email Do write as well as you can. In a bar its all about looks. Online its all about communication. If you can communicate well, you'll do well here. If not, well good luck! Do be trustworthy. Tell the truth, be there when you say you will, and represent yourself with honesty. Do be funny. Humor is an aphrodisiac. Do have a positive outlook (don't list a bunch of don't s, LOL) Do be patient. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

How many of you RELIGIOUSLY demand your partners get tested before you begin having sex? Posted: 5/10/2009 6:42:07 AM
Farceur, good reply. I think by using the word "religiously" he means only on sundays. Since that is the only day that so many people behave as if religion were part of their lives. All the other days of the week you can go out and boink yourself silly. C

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions Posted: 5/9/2009 3:59:43 PM
(from a store clerk) And do you need anything else? me: Yes, World Peace. I actually use this often.

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Best By Date listed Posted: 4/27/2009 1:27:55 PM
I vote no. When I was 18, I was dating 18 +/- 2. Then I got married at 23 and didn't date. Unmarried again at 43, I dated 43 +/- 5. Now getting close to half a century, I'm looking at 49 +/- 7. I'm certainly past the sell-by date for those 18 yr-olds, but those my age seem to continue to be interested, as I am in them. Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Your REAL Astrological Signs Posted: 3/30/2009 12:18:00 PM
Taurus are communists? Eh, That's so '70s.

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

The Fishing Trip...... Posted: 3/22/2009 7:49:57 PM
It was a rather slow day, and two guys were out there fishing on the lake. By and by they see a funeral procession slowly winding along the road behind the row of cottages. So one of the men sets down his rod, and places his hat over his heart. They both watch until the procession disappears around the corner. The guy puts his hat back on and resumes fishing. After a bit, his buddy says "now Ed, that sure was a respectful thing to do" And Ed says "I figure its the least I could do after forty years of marriage."

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Not sure where I stand...... HELP Posted: 3/20/2009 7:59:34 PM
This is a classic problem. The gold standard is a partnership where the physical, emotional, sexual, financial, societal, etc attraction is equal from him to her and from her to him. Except in cheap dime-store novels, it NEVER happens! (at least not on ALL the criteria) The challenge is how far outside of your ideal are you willing to accept? Good luck Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Not sure how to state this without being offensive... Posted: 3/20/2009 7:51:34 PM
There's some good advice above, and some not-so-good advice. Several posters suggest you should've gotten out earlier. But most times a new partner will hide any negative attributes. It took 19 years for one of my relationships to finally fail. Everybody has faults. Except me! (just joking) and we come to accept them and adapt to them. Let me tell a personal anecdote here. I have ADD and wear reading glasses. I hate it when I loose my mental focus, and I hate it when I have to stop and find my glasses to read the fine print on some package in the grocery store. But I've learned that I need to schedule strenuous mental work (like taxes) early in the morning, and remember to bring my glasses wherever I go. But I've been doing this long enough that it becomes second nature. And I might assume that others would forgive me for not being able to concentrate in the afternoon, or not be able to read something if I don't have my glasses. Your ex-bf probably assumed you would see his parenting style in a favorable light, since he (in his mind) handles things well enough. And at the beginning it may have seemed that his parenting style was adequate, especially if that happened to be during a time when the daughter was on her meds. Dating is about learning. Learning what you're looking for, learning human nature, learning to spot lies, learning how long to keep testing the waters, etc. Open your eyes, and look forward to all the lessons you'll be learning. As PkgDeal and Monfil say, enjoy each date as best you can. But I'll add you should always keep an exit open. I disagree with the suggestion of stating 'no drama' or similar fluff in your profile. This word means different things to different people, and nothing at all to some, and can even attract over drama'd people.

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Need advice for 10 yr old son and recently absent FATHER? Posted: 3/11/2009 5:07:51 PM
IMHO your situation needs professional assistance. I would arrange a series of meetings with a family counselor. S/he can talk with each of you individually and/or together and help each of you understand better where each of you wants to be. S/he can also help with the accusations of lying. This could be helpful for your son even if the father is unwilling to participate. You also appear to have some residual anger issues that you need to deal with. Your post certainly makes it look like this guy is a complete a-hole, but as another poster indicated, we're only getting one side of the story. A family counselor would get both. And you may end up eating some humble pie, which would be a good thing. Let him pick out the counselor and make the first appointment, otherwise he may accuse you of poisoning the counselor. And many of them accept health insurance. Best of luck Canoist

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Sexual Evolution Posted: 3/11/2009 4:52:21 PM
I agree that the social pendulum does swing. There was a time when men were always awarded custody, then it was almost always women who got the kids, and now the courts try to split the time between the two parents. Men have had to struggle to find their new role in the post feminist society. There was the "sensitive new age guy" who turned out to be too much of a wimp. I'm a member of a small men's group, where we meet twice monthly and discuss issues like this. Its a quiet revolution.

canoist

Joined: 8/4/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Child Support being collected from Custodial parent Posted: 3/8/2009 6:20:23 AM
Yes, I had nearly the SAME situation. My kids were living with my ex, and I was paying through the state payment program. Then both kids decided to leave her and move in with me (older kids) She agreed to pay me (and has been) and that I don't have to pay her, but for some twisted reason refused to sign the papers releasing me from paying through the state. I hired a lawyer, and $1,500 later she got it straightened out. What a waste of money! and time! and aggravation! I would have much rather given that money to our kids. Somehow, stop paying the county. Write them a letter telling them what has happened. However, they probably won't be able to do anything about it without a court order. They have a form and if you fill it out and you and your ex sign it, that should end it. But if not, you need to hire a lawyer. Getting the money that you've already paid through them returned to you is another huge challenge, especially if its gone to your ex and its already been spent. Perhaps you should inform your ex that any money that she's received after a certain date will have to be returned, so she should either send it back directly or put it in a separate account and not spend it. Best of luck on this one. Its nothing but a headache. Look forward to lots of aggravation and expense. Canoist

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