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 Author Thread: 10 yrs and 50 pounds
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 101 (view)
 
10 yrs and 50 pounds
Posted: 6/6/2009 7:04:42 AM
This is the same old thread about lies in profiles. I can sum up all the responses that have and will be given to this topic very easily.

All people have qualities or traits they desire in a mate. These qualities or traits may be physical characteristics, education, income, personal habbits, hobbies, whatever.......
Any other person lacking that quality or trait will complain that it is superficial, stupid, crazy, or in some way undesirable or abnormal to desire that quality or trait. Alternatively they will simply deceive themselves or others into believing they posess that quality or trait.

It seems that some folks think that if they just meet the other person that their "wonderful personality" will win the day! That they can, by sheer WILL, change what the other person wants in a partner. That might work for a job interview but not for a romantic or sexual relationship. If people lie in their profiles all it does is cause everyone more time and hassle. Even if people were 100% honest and only met people who were the exact physical type, education and income level, and had the hobbies the person enjoyed there would still be the chemistry factor to consider. Some of it is just plain biochemistry. You could put 2 men, both exemplifying all the qualities and traits you could desire in a man, next to each other. If you kissed each of them you might still discover that one of them makes you hot and the other one leaves you cold. Some people just don't want to waste time meeting folks that they already know before that kiss leave them cold.

The reasonableness of the desire doesn't really matter......A person wants what they want! Any of us can go out and try to date a million people in an attempt to find what we want in a mate. When it comes down to it the internet is a screening process to save time and hassle. When people lie to themselves or to others it defeats the whole purpose.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 107 (view)
 
Men, Does It Disturb You If...
Posted: 6/6/2009 5:44:08 AM

Unless she's just getting out of her job in a Chorus Line I don't think I've ever seen a women in shorts and panty hose. Yuck.


I've seen it but not in a long time. My sister in law used to wear those velvet hot pants with black stockings in the mid 70's when going nightclubbing. I was only in Jr. High at the time but I used to baby sit for them and saw what they wore. I don't know what men in general though of that back then but my brother thought his wife looked great!

As far as the artificial nails......I have sympathy for those who get acrylic applied because their nails break very easily without it. The only time in my life when I could grow strong nails was when in Cadaver anatomy class first in nursing school and later in Medical school. The formaldehyde make the nails strong. You definitely would NOT want to have acrylic on the nails to trap the formaldehyde (and lord knows what else) into the nails in that type of contact. Even though rubber gloves are worn they tend to leak. Acrylic does tend to trap bacteria. If someone has artificial nails they should use a brush to clean all around and under their nails not only prior to application but also 2-3 times per day in their regular work day.

In men, hygeine and smell is most important to me......Body odor, dirty nails and hands, greasy dirty hair, dirty or limp facial hair.........all of these are big turn offs.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 67 (view)
 
Would you let someone you met on POF read all your messages to other people?
Posted: 1/10/2009 8:16:10 AM

Do you think if you met someone on POF and started dating them, then they asked you if they could read all the messages and correspondances you've had with members of the opposite sex, would you let them read it?
Do you think what you've written to others would change the view that the one you are dating has of you?


No, I would not let anyone else read emails to or from other people and me. If I met someone on POF and fell in love with them, I would delete any emails to or from anyone else. Infact I wouldn't even have an account here so my love would not be reading any past emails because they wouldn't exist. If I had friends of the same or opposite sex away from POF and my Love wanted to see my email, he would be welcome to but I doubt he would find it interesting. The jokes or cute emails I get from friends, I already forward to my other friends. If I am just dating someone and do not love them then they don't have the need or right to see my email to or from anyone else.

No, My emails would not change anyone's view of me because, what you see is what you get. Whether I am at work, with friends or talking in an email, I am the same and so I have nothing to hide.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 70 (view)
 
Gifted Woman? How's that working out for ya?
Posted: 1/1/2009 9:31:26 AM
I believe all humans are gifted in some way but a few people seem to feel valuable only if they can feel that they are superior to others. For example, I was chatting with one man online and got to the phone call stage. On the phone things were going well and he was talking about going out. He then happened to ask what I do. When I said I was a physician, he suddenly got an urgent call on his other line and said "I call you right back". Of course he never called back. Could it have been an actually emergency? Sure; but the timing was very suspicious! What are even worse are men who feel the need to prove that they know more that the rest of the entire medical community and wish to tout their profound (though unschooled) medical opinion to the exclusion of all other subjects, in an attempt to gain my agreement or acquiescence. I think most accomplished women do not wish to feel superior they simply want their accomplishments to be acknowledged and respected as much as anyone elses.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Gifted Woman? How's that working out for ya?
Posted: 12/30/2008 10:13:21 AM
Everyone defines themselves or at least wishes to define themselves as gifted. Indeed most people do have their own special personal, emotional, intellectual or spiritual gifts. Does having a gift make one gifted? The article sited by the OP describes gifted women as being more socially aware than the nongifted. This might be true if your gift is that of being socially adept. Was Einstein gifted? Was Van Gogh? I don't know that I would describe either of them as socially adept!

To me gifted is to be the possessor of an ability or talent which is valued by, or contributes to, society in some way. One may have the gift of being extremely knowledgable about alot of subjects or knowledgable to genius proportions about just one subject. Another may have the gift of being able to make beautiful music or art. While still another might have a truly valuable gift such as the ability to make others feel happy, comforted, or loved. The most rewarding aspect of being a "gifted human" as indeed we ALL are, is to discover our own personal gifts and to develope our gifts to their fullest.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 28 (view)
 
why does virginity matter?
Posted: 11/27/2008 4:51:39 PM
I think most women remember forever the first man they ever had sex with. It is also probably common to develope at least some degree of permanent emotional attachment to the first. A man may remember his first but he does not experience the same degree of vulnerability as the woman does in the same situation. It may or may not matter to some men, but I garantee you that every woman who has ever had sex remembers the first time. Try to make that first experience be with someone that will at least try to give you a positive memory to carry through life.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 166 (view)
 
When he is not ready to proposal but doesn't want to lose her
Posted: 11/13/2008 4:03:38 AM

She indicated that she wants marriage and kids with him! And it caught Kevin by surprise. He heard it before that she wants family and so does he but she was very specific that she wanted to have it with him. She made it clear that she doesn’t want to continue their relationship unless he can commit to the serious level.
He doesn’t won’t to lose her. But doesn’t ready to clearly proposal. And she cut him off. He has feelings for her.


I will agree bikeman that it does not say they lived together but after a 1 year and 7 month exclusive relationship I would bet you his toothbrush is at her house! To be completely acurate the OP said that she expressed the wish to have "marriage and kids with him" but it does not say that she demanded immediate marriage. It says "she made it clear that she doesn't want to continue their relationship unless he can commit to a serious level".



he claims that few weeks ago he told her that he wants to see Italy and was planning to go there for a week in the Spring. She didn't have any problems with that and thought it was a great idea. According to him, all she asked for is to bring her a good culinary book.


The post does not say he loves her. It says "he has feelings for her" and he is not going to italy WITH her. He's going alone and evidently is going to bring her back a good culinary book!

BUT LADIES: We can appreciate one thing about Bikeman and the other guys who have responded to this thread. They have boldly and truthfully stated in a form that I believe is now part of their profile that they are NOT looking for a committed relationship. Saves alot of gals wasting alot of time on them. The long term statement in a profile isn't worth crap if a girl knows that the man would not propose even to a girl he professes to love after being with her for 2 years! I wish all men would respond to this thread in their profiles. LOL.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 161 (view)
 
When he is not ready to proposal but doesn't want to lose her
Posted: 11/12/2008 7:58:03 PM
Bikeman, you wrote:



Actions speak louder than words. She didn't receive an immediate YES answer, and she bolted. To me that indicates she had a mental timeline where she expected an immediate positive response to that inquiry; anything other was a relationship dealbreaker.


I think the young lady was very wise to make the decision she did. I have learned the hard way over the years that if a guy doesn't love you after 6-12 months he never will. If she had waited around hoping he would decide in her favor it would have been a waste of time and just a reflection of her own insecurities that she was willing to stay with a guy who did not love her. Instead she self confidently pursued other options. You seem to have a problem with the fact that she had not previously said she wants to have children "with him", and you suggest that it would have been better for her to discuss this early in the relationship and then give him years to mull it over.

Bikeman, I really would like to know what your response would be if a woman informed you early in the dating process, not that she wants kids "some day" but that she wants to have kids "with YOU some day". I assume it would scare the Hell out of you! It sure would scare me if any guy had ever told me that after only a month or two of dating.

And tell me one more thing? What possible reason would she have for telling him that she wants to have children at all unless she wishes to let him know that she wants to have them with him if the relationship works out. Soooo, after 2 years of living together she figured that the relationship had worked out good and that he should know whether he loves her or not.

Thats really the crux of the problem: HE DOES NOT LOVE HER. So no, I don't think it would be wise for her to stay on with him, letting him weigh the pros and cons so that he can decide in a cold analytical way whether marriage to her is to HIS best advantage. His initial response told her everything she needs to know!
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 148 (view)
 
When he is not ready to proposal but doesn't want to lose her
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:02:49 PM
It seems like a lot of men now fear marriage. Even the ones who profess to be looking for long term are frequently not looking for marriage. This is fine and is entirely their decision but I do think it should be clearly expressed to the women with whom they form relationships. IF a person is looking for a partner for life and IF he or she sees marriage as the logical progression of the relationship, he or she will expect their partner to show interest in progression to the next level.

Maybe the problem is not communicating early enough in the relationship our beliefs and goals in this area. In prior eras most people did not live together or indeed even have sex together outside of marriage so it was a foregone conclusion that if you loved someone you would marry them. Now, marriage is no longer a foregone conclusion even among people who profess to love one another. Some will argue to their dieing breath that marriage is not needed to demonstrate commitment to a relationship while others will NEVER feel like their partner truly loves them or is truly committed outside of the marriage relationship. I think the main thing is to communicate your desires clearly and quite early in the relationship. I would even tend to say that a general discussion of relationship goals should take place even before sex takes place, just to make sure everyone is on the same page.

I think people tend to believe that other people will think the way we think and value the things we value but indeed people are VERY different. For instance, even a few short years ago, I would have assumed that if a man and woman were having sex and neither of them were a hooker that it was expected to be an exclusive relationship. I have over the years come to realize that there are many who believe that each sexual partner is free to have sex with others until they specifically discuss exclusivity. I am not judging others but I will admit that I find many of the accepted practices of the modern dating world abhorent and foreign to my sensibilities.

I guess I am not only old fashioned but truly a dinasaur when it comes to love and dating as these are my beliefs:
1. If a man has sex with another woman after having sex with me, he won't be having sex with me again. Exclusivity, in my belief, is inherent in the deed and should not require a specific discussion.
2. I won't believe a man truly loves and is committed to having a relationship with me if he has no desire to EVER marry me. On the other hand, It should be noted that if a man professed love or desire to marry me before he had even had time to really know me well, I would believe him to be more in love with love than with me.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 117 (view)
 
When he is not ready to proposal but doesn't want to lose her
Posted: 11/8/2008 2:55:39 PM
OP, this is no clarification! It is just repetition of the same facts from your original post. What many of us are saying is SO WHAT! Even if she just decided today that she wants to get married and have children, she has the right to do whatever is right for her and he has the right to do whatever is right for him. No accusations of her giving "ultimatums" or of wanting him for his money should be flying just because he is not getting what he wants. Like someone said earlier in this thread: When a man asks a woman to marry him and she says NO that is typically the end of the relationship. This woman asked Kevin to marry her. He said NO. So no surprise that she ended the relationship. No ultimatum.....Just over. If the girl is smart she won't let him change his mind. He obviously does not love her or his answer would have been yes without any hesitation so it would be wise for both of them to move on.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 102 (view)
 
When he is not ready to proposal but doesn't want to lose her
Posted: 11/7/2008 5:10:54 AM

How about #4) have a frank discussion with her partner regarding her relationship expectations???


Ok Bikeman. What should she say during this "frank discussion"? To me it sounds like that is exactly what she did have is a frank discussion of her expectations. When she discovered during that "frank discussion" that Kevin’s "relationship expectations" were not compatible with her own, she left.

Did you expect her to remain in a relationship that did not meet her needs? You worded it a different way but your #4 and my #3 are exactly the same choice and the girl DID choose that route. There is nothing in the original post that indicates that the girl said, "you must marry me or I'm leaving". She evidently said "I want to marry and have children with you". He said, "I don't want to marry and have children with you". She said, "OK, Goodbye".

He's pissed that he lost his responsibility free relationship and so wants to whine to the OP that he never saw it coming. So what! If she had decided that day that she wanted to get married and have children, that’s her choice. She has a right to her choices! That’s what we call freedom. Kevin has a right to leave. No one is holding a gun to his head and making him marry her. If he interprets her leaving to pursue her own happiness as holding a gun to his head. So be it. Like every other American, She does have a right to pursuit of happiness.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 85 (view)
 
When he is not ready to proposal but doesn't want to lose her
Posted: 11/6/2008 7:50:35 PM

Additinal clarifications from OP (me). Kevin belongs to a category of guys who wants to start a family one day. According to him, he knew from pretty much day one that she wants to have a family as well.
BUT he claims that she never indicated to him that she desires it with him before "the talk". It was the first time when he found it out that she wants it with him. She never hinted it before. he knew that she enjoyed his company and dating him but there was nothing that made him think that she would push the marrige envelope.


Ok, so lets presume that he didn't know that she wanted to have kids with him. (Duh...) He did know she wanted kids so we can assume he must have known that she would walk out the door some day before she neared the end of her childbearing years to pursue this. I guess she could have just anounced, "Well, its time for me to go find a father for the children I want to have. Been nice knowing you...Bye!" WOULD THIS HAVE BEEN MORE KIND???

She was in a no win situation. She had started a relationship and fallen in love with a man who had professed to want marriage and children but who after probably telling her he loved her for two years still had not expressed any intention of taking the relationship further.

So what are her choices:
#1) Wait more years hoping that he will reach the decision to want children with her.

#2) As stated above, announce that she is ready to have children and just walk out the door. or
#3) Do exactly what she did and anounce that she is ready to have children, give him the chance to offer to be the father of said children, and when no offer was forthcoming...walk out the door.

Seems to me she made the kindest and most logical choice of actions for a woman who desires a husband and children.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 62 (view)
 
When he is not ready to proposal but doesn't want to lose her
Posted: 11/6/2008 6:19:57 AM
Bikeman, You asked when it was said that the woman had told the man that she wanted marriage and children??? The OP said it right there in the post!

AND I QUOTE:

She indicated that she wants marriage and kids with him! And it caught Kevin by surprise. He heard it before that she wants family and so does he but she was very specific that she wanted to have it with him.


The woman had told him she wanted marriage and kids and despite the fact that they had been together 2 years he was shocked that she envisioned having her marriage and kids with him??? Who did he think she would want them with?

If so, the main criticism I would have for the man is that he is too STUPID to reproduce!
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 11/5/2008 5:43:58 PM
I know what you mean. I used to respond to emails when not interested by saying, thanks for writing but we wouldn't be a good match. Now I do not respond most of the time because one man wrote back berating me for "thinking I'm too good for him". He informed me that he and his two buddys had all sent me emails and that I had responded to all 3 of them the same way. He even gave their profile names so I checked. Sure enough, all three were barely high school grads, 10-15 years older than me, 2-3 inches shorter than me, 75-100 lbs overweight, and shared none of the same interests or hobbies. Gee, How could I resist!!!
I too write emails to men whose profiles I find interesting, and most of the time never get a response. The way I feel about it is, its their loss. If they are not attracted, why would I want them to write back? If I'm not attracted, why would those 3 guys want me to write back?
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 12 (view)
 
When he is not ready to proposal but doesn't want to lose her
Posted: 11/5/2008 4:57:09 PM
Whether this is viewed as an ultimatum or not the facts are facts. He has been with her for 2 years! If he doesn't know yet whether she's the right gal for him, he won't ever know. It is best for her to find that out now. Much worse for her to find out many years down the road when it may be too late for her to find the right guy, settle down and have children.

If he loved her he would have already thought about marriage and kids or at least when she mentioned it he would have thought "Yeah that sounds like a great idea!" The fact that he instead thinks of it as an ultimatum tells you everything you need to know. So I agree with Big Daddy: He needs to toss her so that she can get on with her life!

What I would really like to know is are there any men left who do not view the traditional marriage, children, and sharing your life with one person as some sort of prison sentence or death sentence??? Pretty Sad.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
When he is not ready to proposal but doesn't want to lose her
Posted: 11/5/2008 4:43:32 PM

What is Kevin’s best course of action?


Quit wasting her life and her youth. Women have a finite length of time in which to start a family. He has had 2 years to decide if he is serious about her or not. If he is serious it’s time to grow up and form a commitment. If he is not serious, he needs to make that clear so that she can get on with her life and find someone who wants the same things from life that she does: commitment, children.....
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 109 (view)
 
important circumcision question: not a debate
Posted: 10/21/2008 5:44:02 PM
I agree no 1 bby that the method makes a difference. I hate the Gomco clamp which is protrayed in the video the OP gave link to. It involves so much cutting before the clamp is placed which is more painful and there is more risk of removing too much of the foreskin or leaving it crooked. The plastibel is essentially the same except that a peice of plastic is left over the glans when the procedure is over. I prefer the Morgan clamp. There is stretching but NO cutting prior to clamp placement and the skin has turned numb from being clamped off prior to being cut.

There was one incident in the literature where the clamp malfunctioned and actually cut off the tip of the penis but this was due to a broken clamp and the doctor should have checked his equipment before the surgery. That has only happened once within all recorded Hx of use of the Morgan clamp for circumcision.

The babies do cry during the Gomco and Plastibel circs which is one of the reasons I did not use these. I also strongly recommend that if circumcision must be done that local anesthetic be used since it is now approved for use in these infants.

I do not recommend routine circumcision of newborn males but I do believe that parents are entitled to the facts and have the right to make the decision.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 97 (view)
 
important circumcision question: not a debate
Posted: 10/21/2008 4:30:26 AM

Instead of saying they are "against" routine circumcision; I should have stated that they do not recommend routine circumcision.


Windloverr,

That is a little better but you are still using your phrasing to mislead the public. The key word there is "routine". This was not a "huge policy shift" at any time. Administration of Vit K injection and Ilotycin at birth are "routine". Failure to do "routine" care at birth would be considered medical malpractice and in the case of Ilotycin, failure to administer would be illegal. It has never been considered medical malpractice not to perform a circumcision. The AAP came out with a policy statement because they had so many physicians asking for a definitive statement. Even more importantly they had insurance companies such as HMOs asking if this was "routinely" recommended and therefore something they are required to pay for. In 1991-1998 when I was performing circumcisions the parents were demanding that their HMO pay for this. The HMO was considering this service to be part of the routine care of the newborn and to be paid for by Capitation payment but when the pediatricians refused to perform it without additional payment the HMO was forced to agree to pay for the surgery because the parents demanded it. Even then they only agreed to pay $75.00 and actually never ended up paying me. Don't you just love Medicaid! There are many things that are not "routinely recommended" that we do for patients everyday. For example, Colonoscopy. Colonoscopy is not actually routinely recommended. Fecal occult blood cards and rectal exam are. Yet many men routinely get a colonoscopy done.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 90 (view)
 
important circumcision question: not a debate
Posted: 10/20/2008 7:35:25 PM
Windloverr,

I don't know where your getting your information but it is incorrect. The following is an exerp from the Journal of Pediactrics put out by the American Academy of Pediatrics Task Force on Circumcision.


AAP News Vol. 15 No. 3 March 1999, p. 10
© 1999 American Academy of Pediatrics

Scientific evidence insufficient to warrant routine circumcision: AAP
AAP Task Force on Circumcision

Summary and recommendations

Existing scientific evidence demonstrates potential medical benefits of newborn male circumcision; however, these data are not sufficient to recommend routine neonatal circumcision. In the case of circumcision, in which there are potential benefits and risks, yet the procedure is not essential to the child's current well-being, parents should determine what is in the best interest of the child. In order to make an informed choice, parents of all male infants should be given accurate and unbiased information and be provided the opportunity to discuss this decision. It is legitimate for parents to take into account cultural, religious, and ethnic traditions, in addition to the medical factors, when making this decision.


If you'll notice. This states exactly what I have stated in both of my posts on this subject. Please do not make false statements to people and claim they are from the American Academy of Pediactrics.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 80 (view)
 
important circumcision question: not a debate
Posted: 10/20/2008 11:56:45 AM
Most of the people posting have given a strongly pro or strongly con report of circumcision. I tried to be even handed in my approach to the subject since in the end this is a personal issue that is up to each set of parents to decide. I would tend to doubt the accuracy of any person reporting all positives about a procedure, just as I would ignore any person reporting all negatives. Unlike a male who is circumsized OR who is uncircumsized, I have no personal opinion of which is best to have. I also have no religious or personal opposition to the uncircumsized. Thus my opinion is one that is generally unbiased. Circumcision is an Elective surgery. Just like a tummy tuck or a face lift, it is not required for the infant to stay alive. It is therefore a personal choice and since the infant is too young to make that choice, it is his parents choice.

I have performed circumcisions. I did so only because parents AND their insurance company begged me to do so. It was not initially a procedure I intended to offer in my practice and indeed I went through additional training prior to doing these since the proficiency of the operator IS a big influence on the outcome. All of the babies I circed are now in their teens or older and some are even fathering children of their own. None of them has come back to me unhappy with the appearance or functioning of their penis.

The original poster is a young man with issues which have nothing to do with circumcision and more to do with his emotional state. I would recommend he discuss these concerns with a counseller rather than bringing his concerns to the public forum here at POF.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 52 (view)
 
important circumcision question: not a debate
Posted: 10/18/2008 3:34:53 PM

If you are going t be circumcised the 8th day of life is the best time...just as The Bible says. On that day there is more Vitamin K-a clotting agent-in your bloood than at any other time...making it less apt that you will bleed to death on that day.


The above statement is incorrect. Infants are routinely given Vitamin K injection at birth so clotting is not normally a problem.

Circumcision does indeed decrease sensation of the head of the penis but only because the unprotected skin of the glans penis protects itself by thickening in those who are circumsized. This could reasonably be viewed as a negative when considering circumcision. Other than this there is a very slight risk of bleeding, infection, pain or disfigurement when circumcision is performed at 24 hours of age but these risks are less at this age than at later ages. The vascular supply and nerve endings are not fully active to the foreskin at 24 hours old which is why no suturing or anesthetic are needed when the procedure is done at this age.

It has been my experience that infants cry when first immobilized on the "baby board" not due to pain but simply due to being forced to be still and from getting cold when first placed on the board. Once they become warm and more comfortable under the heating lamp, I have had many small patients fall asleep during the actual circumcision. And NO they are not just in shock! When they are awake during this time they are usually calmly looking about. The actual circumcision is performed by stretching the foreskin a little to release it from the underlying glans penis and so that it can be retracted. That is the painful part and the baby may cry at this time but indeed even if not circumsized the foreskin must be retracted to be cleaned so this is unavoidable. Next about 1/2 the total length of the forskin is placed through the opening in a special clamp which is then closed. This causes a numbness to the portion of the forskin that is through the clamp. When I was young, teens used to numb their ear lobes to pierce their ears by putting a clothes clip on the ear lobe. The Clamp during the circumcision has this same effect so the baby doesn't seem to feel any pain after this is placed. The excess half of the foreskin is cut off and the other half is left in place so that the shaft of the penis is covered even when erection occurs. Sounds simple right? BUT DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!! LOL. To the OP: NONE of the penis is cut off. Only 1/2 of the foreskin.

As stated before the disadvantages are decreased sensation to the glans penis, risk of bleeding, infection, pain or disfigurement if scaring should occur. The advantages of circumcision include fewer foreskin and urinary tract infections, lower risk of Aids and other STDs, absolutely NO foreskin cancer, decreased risk of pelvic infections and secondarily decreased risk of uterine cancer in sexual partners of circumsized males. Any uncircumsized male who has ever experienced Balanitis (foreskin infection) can tell you the pain is extreme and is most certainly greater than any discomfort felt during circumcison by a 24 hour old neonate. If a man practices maticulous hygiene, retracting and washing under the foreskin after urination, sexual intercourse, and as a daily routine most of these risks can be avoided but it has been my observation that most do not consistently do this.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Does a person deserve a partner with qualities that are different than what they have?
Posted: 10/14/2008 6:26:07 PM
Of Course not! We deserve a partner just like ourselves in all ways. Thus I'm looking for a guy who is handsome, intelligent, rich, tall, honest, loyal, sober, loving and did I mention HUMBLE?! LOL!


Realistically most of us reallize that we are not going to attract someone who is perfect in every way so we just hope to find someone "perfect" for ourselves. So we look for the attributes we consider especially important and accept the absense of those not so important to us. In the same way we hope the other person will only notice our good traits and not care so much about areas in which we are deficient.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 8:00:03 AM

the age differance is great over 30 years differance and we have discussed this between ourselves 1) i do not want to feel like robbing the cradle and 2) she does not want to feel like she is sleeping with her dad. so far we have had no intimacy because of societies standards and our own standards , any other comments from any one?


Good Grief! Your 53! If there is over thirty years difference in your ages, is she even 21? Yes, you SHOULD feel like your robbing the cradle!
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Trust issues
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:21:53 AM
He probably broke up with you because he thinks your a psycho. I usually leave my phone off during the day because I don't like to be interrupted when I'm with a patient but every once in a while I forget to turn off the ring and end up answering it at work. So, your basicly saying that if I told someone I turn my phone off at work and forget to do so one day, I should expect to be "confronted" about it? Gee I thought at first you were saying he had a wife who had answered. Does he have to explain himself to you if he changes his routine for one day?
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 34 (view)
 
My date actually asked me What is Chivalry?
Posted: 9/26/2008 6:24:58 AM
I also would ask for your definition of chivalry. I've always enjoyed it when a man offers the polite social customs you mentioned such as opening the door or pulling out the chair but these could only be defined as chivalry if you consider these protective in some way.
My Definition of Chivalrous behavior would be:
1. Walking a lady to the door.
2. When my car has a blow out or flat by the side of the road and some man stops and changes it.
3. Defending a lady when she is attacked physically with physical protection.
4. Defending a lady when she or her reputation is attacked verbally using Verbal confrontation of the attacker.

You can see the protective theme here. Opening a car door would only be chivalrous if you live in a 3rd world country and there was a possibility of car bomb going off when it is opened. I received a joke from a friend that said that the Afghan women have been freed from the oppression of the Taliban but still walk 5-10 paces behind the men when walking down the road. When one of the women was asked why, she replied "Land mines"! Now that's Chivalry!!!
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 155 (view)
 
Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 9/20/2008 7:02:17 AM

How do Doctors or Lawyers handle this?


As a physician, its unethical to date a patient. So that is exactly what I tell them. Despite this some men will just insist on discussing their health problems. They will usually do this even before I meet them on that first phone call. So I know at that point not to go on a date with them. I had a friend ask why I even tell people I'm a physician? I think if I avoided telling, I would get more dates and be more popular but I would not be any closer to finding someone I could realistically have a chance of sharing my life with.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 191 (view)
 
What is friends first?
Posted: 9/19/2008 6:11:46 PM

exactly why I wouldn't date A "friends firster". I'm not interested in thrifting and shopping for shoes, before "earning" the "privilege" of her "considering" ( as if she is a queen on the throne) the relationship becoming sexual, when she, unilaterally, decides it's time.


Renaissance Man 1950,

If spending time with someone other than when engaged in sex feels like a chore your doing to "earn" the sex then your with the wrong person. I didn't make a value judgement between the two definitions of "friends first". I simply defined what by my observation is the usual male and female definition of the phrase. Personally I wouldn't want another buddy. I've got enough of those, so if a man doesn't turn me on, I wouldn't pursue a relationship either. By the same token, if ALL I feel is physical attraction without any true liking or admiration of the man then there won't be much future there.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 184 (view)
 
What is friends first?
Posted: 9/18/2008 4:43:47 PM
When women say "friends first" they usually mean they want to be able to enjoy the company and conversation of and share common activities and hobbies with a man before they consider having a sexual relationship with him. When men say "friends first" they usually mean they want female friends who they can enjoy sexually and socially without comittment.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 64 (view)
 
percentage lying about age
Posted: 9/5/2008 5:14:05 AM
Ya know what? I used to think I looked younger than my age because all of the 48 year old men I met looked and acted so much older than me. I have discovered that I actually look my age. Its just that all the men have lied about their age! My Ex was 45 when I met him 10 years ago and claimed to be 38. I recently noticed that he had posted a profile. Guess what! He is now claiming to be a year younger than me!

I recently had a 38 year old man email me here. When I wrote back that he was a little young for me being 10 years younger he wrote back and told me I look like I'm in my 30's. I can only assume that he has gotten so used to people lying about their age that 40's "looks like" 30's to him.

I post my true age, weight, pictures taken as recently as last week on my Vacation. Am I the only honest person left on planet Earth???
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 122 (view)
 
Men who wear sunglasses in their profiles
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:59:24 PM

BTW...women who won't give out their private email address - married, and cheating, OR paranoid.


Don't be stupid Corindan. Many women like me have their last name in their email address. You can look up anyone using their full name on "Property Tax Search" and get their address and even a picture of their home. So giving a stranger your full name is essentially giving them your personal address. Its dangerous for a girl to give a stranger her address! Thats NOT paranoia.

Also YOU don't need a girls private email to send pictures. You can download pictures at this site and keep them private from your profile and just send them with emails if you wish.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 100 (view)
 
Can someone please tell me what I'm doing wrong??
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:19:58 AM

I tried to email you to descretely make the suggestion, but you don't seem to like getting mail from "MEN" at my ripe old age of 47.


Pleeeze Starline! Your making a crack about the OP not wishing to meet men 7 years older then herself when YOU don't accept emails from women 2 years older than you. And Hey, thats OK to have your preferrence, it just sounds like your putting her down for having HER preferrence.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Bizarre behavior
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:57:32 PM

Heh, I just tell them I'm in love.


Very funny Red. Sadly I've noticed its true.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 9 (view)
 
What women really want?
Posted: 8/16/2008 7:58:37 AM

what we want is HONESTY and if you honestly needed to car for your daughter she should have understood that and asked for a rain check maybe she wasnt the right girl.


OP, I can understand wanting to be with your daughter but it might have gone better if YOU had asked to change the date or time of the first date rather than just canceling. She probably thought it was just a brush off and took offense. Also even if you do prefer your daughters company to that of your date you might at least be diplomatic. Tell her your ex was called away unexpectedly and that you must take care of your child.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Wife sues soon to be Ex-husband for 25 million for giving her an STD.
Posted: 8/16/2008 1:44:25 AM
Whether she should sue or not I won't debate but I would question how she knows she caught the HPV after the first or second episode of cheating. Unless she had antibody tests after the first cheating episode to see if she had ever been exposed this would be difficult. A person can carry this virus without symptoms. I once had a 75 year old patient who had been a widow and not sexually active x 15 years and she had HPV on her pap. She had never had a wart and neither had her husband. Conceivably he could have been totally faithful and carried it his entire wedded life. The only way to be sure on HPV is to be a virgin who marries a virgin. Other than increased risk of cervical cancer she could not experience difficulty working or other disability due to this so I don't know how she is justifying the 25 million even if she could prove she caught it at a particular time.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Punctuality Pet Peeve...
Posted: 8/9/2008 6:56:06 AM
I'm almost never late and am usually early but some people are just ALWAYS late and it used to really aggravate me.

I don't think it's a lack of interest or an intentional thing for your date. Shes just one of those always late types. My sister and her husband are that way. The family just always tells them a time 30 minutes earlier than we tell everyone else so that they will arrive for family dinners at the same time as others.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Should attraction be on the first date.
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:45:27 PM
OP I hope your right that the grand passion doesn't have to be there on the first or second date. I was hot for the man who was my last LTR from the moment I met him but he was sooooo wrong for me in so many ways! I have not felt the same heat with the men who are just right for me in all other areas and I fear I haven't really given them a chance due to this. Maybe the fire that starts slow can burn just as brightly given time and last much longer. I'd hate to think a man has to be an ass hole to turn me on.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 129 (view)
 
They wanted to hold my hand at the first meeting?
Posted: 7/28/2008 2:11:39 AM
OP,
I suspect most of the men here are not looking for new golf or fishing buddies so they want to know if there is any chemistry without getting so close they offend you. Seems like holding hands is fairly benign unless they are holding it continuously through dinner or doing suggestive motions. If holding their hand repulses you then "friendship" is the most there is ever likely to be. Yes they ARE needy! Like most of us they need a partner to share their life and their love with. If your only looking for buddies then at least your refusal to hold hands tells them what they need to know.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 173 (view)
 
A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:35:32 AM
I would normally concerned about a man missing me when he doesn't even know me. You have never even met him but if you have talked with him frequently he may miss talking with you. For someone to miss you if they don't know you (never met and didn't talk much) would make me think they miss their mental illusion of you or the "you" they have invented in their mind. If you feel like you know him then take it as a compliment that he misses what he knows of you.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 17 (view)
 
if a close friend said this to you...how would you interpret it??
Posted: 7/20/2008 7:50:51 AM
Your "friend" wants sex with no responsibilities or committment. He is warning you that you should not expect anything more from him. Sort of like putting up a sign that says "Date At Your Own Risk" so that he doesn't have to feel guilty if you get hurt.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
It's the little things...
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:10:13 AM

A different version of the golden rule: treat others as they would like to be treated.


Yes, but most people assume that what they themselves value that the other person will value also. Sadly this is not the case and when two people carry totally different value systems there is unlikely to be a good solution. Unfortunately, most people do not discover this until they have already fallen in love with that person. It's a shame that there isn't a questionair that could be given to potential mates to determine if their value system is compatible with your own before you even start dating.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Marriage VS a commitnent ceremony?
Posted: 7/13/2008 7:53:35 AM

no one said you should have to keep them on their toes forever..but you should let that happen for a while..


Ok....Think about the difference between when you are wanting to keep them on their toes and when you don't. Is the difference the whether YOU are the one aging and becoming less physically attractive? or Is the difference that you have grown to love the other person? I would suggest that if it is the former you are very selfish and should never marry as long as that continues to be the case or if it is the later, you should marry ONLY after you have grown to love the other person.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Marriage VS a commitnent ceremony?
Posted: 7/13/2008 2:34:09 AM

The 4 or 5 year opt out option will keep both parties on their toes, keep them working on the relationship instead of taking the "I got mine now i can just sit around getting fat and lazy" approach to marriage.


If by the "I got mine now I can just sit around getting fat and lazy" approach to marriage" you are talking about two people who are so secure in the permanency of their relationship that they do not fear that the other person is going to "walk" if
they become old, grow bald, get wrinkles, gain a few pounds, become sick, get laid off their job....ect.... YES, that is exactly the kind of security and commitment that every person should want with their life partner!

Some people may jokingly say that the only things in life that are a sure thing are death and taxes but unless you plan to die suddenly and young all of the above are also sure things. Everyone grows old! Do you really want to "keep on your toes" your entire life for fear the one you love will leave? Would you really want to subject somone you love to "Keeping on their toes" their entire life? Well I'm not a ballerina and I won't force my partner in life to be one either.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 48 (view)
 
It's the little things...
Posted: 7/13/2008 1:44:09 AM

Ladies - Did you teach your men these little things? Were you able to drop enough hints for your man to start being more romantic? Were any of you able to "change" your man into realizing that he should do little things for you - as you do for him? What do you do to get the romantic/sweet wheel in his head to start turning when it's all jammed up - when extreme hints and flat out communication doesn't seem to work??


Opie, If he does not do these things already, he never will. You cannot change someone. It just doesn't work. So you have a decision to make. Do you love this man enough to stay with him forever even if he never does or says any of the little romantic things. There are just some men in this world who will never be romantic, get gifts, ect. I used to think it was just a matter of how we treat them. Ya know the golden rule...Treat others as you would have them treat you. But that is not the case. Some men seem to be just naturally selfish and even if they claim to love you, you better catch the words on tape when they said them because thats probably the only time your going to hear it. If you try to explain what you need from the relationship he will likely ignore it. If you are driven to the point of issuing ultimatums you might as well head out the door because there is no future there.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 112 (view)
 
Here's one for the books:
Posted: 7/13/2008 1:20:26 AM

He seemed upset that I didn't leap up to help him, though I was worried about him and eventually even offered to go, which he then declined.


I don't care how many times you emailed or talked on the phone. Even if he did not behave strangely at several different times. Bottom line this man is a STRANGER!!! Never ever consider going to meet a stranger alone unless its in a public place!!! You are in your 40's for petes sake! You should know better! He's not the only one thats dumb!
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 41 (view)
 
What's Your Greatest Dating Strength(s)
Posted: 7/12/2008 4:20:04 AM
I'm very honest and say exactly what I think but will usually refrain from saying anything if I can't say something nice.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Come on, get over it already!
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:58:21 AM
I can deal with someone talking about an ex. After all if they were together for a long time, that person influenzed who they are today, but the Ex definitely should not be the major or only topic of conversation. I had one person tell me that he "lost it" for 5 years after his divorce, was depressed, and only recently able to return to work again?? I suppose the advantage of people talking about this on line is that it allows potential partners to discover how psychologically unstable they are BEFORE we agree to go on a date with them! Don't get me wrong...I called in sick the day I broke up with my ex who lived with me for 7 years but I didn't quit my career!
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 71 (view)
 
About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:24:42 AM
I agree with Katietxgirl.

Alex89, The men I know go out and get another job if they lose one. If you are a professional who normally earns 6 figures, this can take a few months but it shouldn't be a lifelong condition. I sometimes have folks tell me that they have been out of work for 2 years and just can't find a job. If I couldn't find a job after a few months in my home town, I think I would get the hell out of town and find a job in another town. I notice from your profile that you are "between careers". Has this been an extended state of affairs? Is this why you are so sensitive about this topic?
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 108 (view)
 
Putting a Time Limit on Intimacy.
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:59:33 PM
If he doesn't turn me on, he wouldn't be the "new man in my life" soooo.......How would I react if the new man in my life told me he wasn't going to wait 6 months to become intimate with me?

I would shout Yippee!!! Gee OPie you are 44 years old and you can't tell by the first or second date whether your physically attracted to a man??? After you answer that question, you just need a variable amount of time (NOT 6 MONTHS!!) to be sure that his character and integrity are acceptable to you. I certainly can and have been cellibate for periods of many years but not while spending large amounts of time in close proximity to a man who turns me on. Guess you have better will power than me!
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Who Pays????
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:30:29 PM

I'd probably have a stroke. The $500 for 'tourist activities' would have been way over my budget to start with. Add another $700 and I'd really be in trouble. Being hit with a bill for that amount, when someone says they want to 'whisk me away', would cause me to question either my hearing or his sanity. The one doing the whisking should be doing the paying.


I agree that the terminology 'whisk away' tends to suggest he is paying but I don't agree that the one suggesting an outing is always supposed to pay. It depends on the wording. For example if he said: "Lets go on a holiday together!", or "Do you want to go on a cruise together next summer?" I would expect to pay my half. If he said: "Let me take you on a holiday!", or "Would you like to go on a free all expense paid cruise with me next summer?" Then I would assume he was paying. Even then I would probably confirm my assumptions before the trip to make sure. After all, paying for an entire trip is quite a bit more expensive then just taking someone out for dinner and a movie. To be safe I would always assume that I would be paying my own way unless I specifically asked.
 Jana60
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 40 (view)
 
About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:13:40 AM
I'm just wondering why the men with excellent income are not the ones worried about gold diggers? I feel sorry for the poor guys have been taken to the cleaners by our legal system in their divorces but these same guys are the ones still looking for the relationship with the girl is is just eye candy and indeed are intimidated by a woman who takes responsibility for her own life, money, etc...
 
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