Advice Needed on teen drinking chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: Advice Needed on teen drinking

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 23 (view)

Advice Needed on teen drinking Posted: 12/29/2008 4:09:02 AM
I was a under age drinker for many years, my father knew about it and when I was not legal to work (under the age of 15) he would supervise me and supply me a limit. When I did reach legal working age, I was earning my own wage, my father would ask me if I wanted anything from the bottle-o but I paid for it, if I was clubbing he would always say to me.. "You know the risks, you know there is a fine, Im not bailing you out of jail if you get busted so make sure you have enough money in your bank account to pay for it" and I did right up until I turned 18 (legal age in Australia) I had the $2500 to pay the fine if I got busted underage drinking. Some may say thats bad parenting but I can count on one hand how many times I have been totally legless and not remember a thing 2 of those times my drinks were spiked. I have never had the urge to binge drink, I know how much I can handle and very rarely I wake up with a hangover. Ive also always had a hidden $50 on me so I knew I could get home and not be stranded out somewhere with no way to get home as I had drunk all my money. I think that is all due to a responsible role model that my father showed me in the ways of being responsible for myself. I have a older sister and well she wasnt supervised like I was in the drinking dept and was a very heavy binge drinker for about 10 years underage and legal. Teenagers of any age will always be experimenting with drinking... its only normal that they do, but if parents can be ok with it and help them learn how to drink in a responsible manner by supervising at home there may be alot less binge drinking with the youth of today. I'm most probably gonna get flamed for this but this is from my own personal experience. Let your daughter know that its ok to have a drink every once in awhile but she has to be responsible for whatever happens to her while she is doing it. She may be mature mentally in some depts but if she is bowing to peer pressure shes not fully mature enough to know her limits and know when to say No.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 86 (view)

Single mum or single woman? Posted: 12/28/2008 5:35:02 PM
Its not about lowering or raising standards... its all about acceptance and knowing who you are as a person and what you are wanting out of life. Being a parent at the best of times isnt always the easiest especially if you are still with the person. We all have to be on the same path in life to be able to go forward. You are a person first and foremost... you do have children and children can change a person and what we had originally wanted in another person before they came around. There are some people that have kids but dont want anymore... there are some that have kid/s but want more of their own.... and then there are some people that dont want anymore of their own but are happy with anothers and there are some that just dont want kids full stop. This is what we as single people have to accept that others might not want what we are wanting for our own lives regardless if there are children involved. I personally have chosen to stay single even after having my son coz still at the age of 32 I dont know what I'm wanting relationship wise. I was carefree in my younger days, yep things changed once having my son but that is the expected thing that would have happened and I accepted that, when I have my free time I have been enjoying myself, finding out who I am again as a older person. I dont label myself as a single mum... I am a single woman, I just come with an attachment, just like single people with no kids come with attachments (their families). My best advice... go out enjoy yourself find out who you are now and get a bit of the old you back.... when out make friends with both females and males get to know them first theres not need to rush into anything (with the males), have no expectations on yourself or of others as that can lead to a huge disappointment... live life... at least for your child sake... every child needs a happy parent.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 31 (view)

Ipods for numbskulls! Posted: 12/28/2008 4:32:29 AM
Dont worry about the kids trying to fix it Pookie.. they wont be able to get into it... you need a special jaws like thingy to open them up if you want the warranty to stand... and seeing as they wouldnt have provided proof of purchase still no chance as the serial number wouldnt have matched up to the apple listings... (apple are really anal about serial numbers and what not and they can track down a certain part to a certain piece of equipment in a blink of an eye) As for the earphones.... you dont need to get super dopper ones... I went into Kmart spent 15 bucks on a pair that fit in your ear like a corkscrew... as long as the attachments connect ya should be right... also those corkscrew ones seem to hold in the sound so no one can hear what ya listening too.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

Ipods for numbskulls! Posted: 12/28/2008 3:26:49 AM
It may be easier for some to read the instructions online at the website or even read the paper manual that it comes with or what kind to get (personally I wouldnt have a clue what most of the crap says and what its got as long as it goes and uhmm its free..lol. thanks dad).... but then there are just some that wont understand a word either are saying... so they ask for a bit more friendlier explanation. Ya cant always tell them to go to a website and that be it when they have not a clue in the first place.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 27 (view)

Ipods for numbskulls! Posted: 12/28/2008 2:20:25 AM
Can any of you techno genius' out there tell me how to download songs from a CD onto this little piece of junk ,that was designed to ruin my life and guarantee no peace until I get it to work?? If you are wanting to import songs from ya CD collection its easily done once you have itunes installed. When you put the CD in it will come up would you like to import songs into itunes obviously you press Ok. Then the songs will be in that folder until you delete them. However you may have to rename them all as some older CD's dont have the name of the song just the song number... this you can change by going up into get info on a song and go into ( I think) title and change everything there that you want. Best thing I can recommend is when you have plugged in the ipod to transfer ya songs put it as manual import. If you dont then every time you go to recharge ( if you dont have the wall adaptor) it will wipe what songs you do have and reload them again, makes it a b1tch if you are only wanting to put one or two more songs on there and it wont take as long. Also you can have it that when you plug the ipod in you can request that it is not to open itunes when the device is detected you can turn it off so that it doesnt and just charges straight away. Transferring songs onto the ipod some people do one at a time... personally myself... I do a bulk transfer and takes the same time as one at a time... When Dream was over I showed her how to do a bulk dump and 400 songs that I had took 10 mins. Also another thing you might want to buy is a rubber case for it.. for shock proofing... as if it is dropped and still under warranty it wont be as it was a personal damage not software. I have seen alot of kids dropping it and saying stuff like it was in my school bag and someone stood on it... or i dropped it then a car drove over it... then one said all above then when I questioned him if he had tried to open it he said nope... but you could see he had tried as the casing was coming apart... obviously his warranty was void...lol.. My dad is a certified apple repairer and reseller so I know this stuff... just remember whos name it is under when you put in the warranty...and scan the receipt as it does fade and that is your proof of purchase... EDIT: Forgot to ask what colour is it???....lol

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

When and How do you talk about condoms? Posted: 6/9/2008 7:58:36 PM
Sim you handled the situation perfectly... he knows you dont approve of it.. but yet he is comfortable with coming to you with advice. Those "sizes" are purely to boost mens ego . They dont make "small" condoms as far as i am aware, a regular condom could fit over a 2 foot cucumber so unless he has 3 legs ANY standard condom will fit. colors, ribbed, latex wont matter, those are for 30+ guys, guys under 20 don't care what kind of condom. SIlver.... having different sized condoms arent to boost a guys ego... but if a guy of average size (5"-6" ) goes and buys a larger size he is only doing that to to give himself the ego boost. and no lot of guys under 20 see the novelty of the coloured ribbed studded etc just the same as a man over the age of 30 does... they buy them to try something different .... and to tell ya the truth.... from me personally.... none of the above does anything for me....and same with some of my female friends so really they are just a rip off for most who want to try and pleasure a female more coz maybe they dont think they can do it any other way.... and knowing about latex is an advantage for some as there are some men out there that are allergic to it and some are allergic to the lubricant on them.. same as some females... so they have made non latex and water based lube condoms for that sole purpose.... oh and they may be able to fit over a 2' cucumber or over a baseball bat but the more it is stretched the more vulnerable to breakage the materials become when friction is added to the mix. You are not talking to a child so theres no sense in trying to "take me down a notch" by assuming i have a "regular" size penis no im not talking to a child... and i was not "trying" to take ya down a notch... i commented on your stating about regular size condoms that you use....i also said that there is nothing wrong with that (being average size).... and quite frankly i dont give two hoots about your penis how long and wide your girth is it... and no im not curious on a study of penis's as i know what the average size is for 98% of the men world wide... and have known for many years... ( i educated myself on sexual activities and no no from one night stands but from documentaries (not porno lol) for the shear fact i do have a son... and its my responsibility to know these things as his father is only interested in teaching him how to pick up chicks and screw them over) We don't fixate over condom size or flavour or shape. When you are under 20 you go for the nearest box to the door thats about it.. Dont you think males under the age of 20 or any male for that mater should know more about condoms then just grabbing a box?.. shouldnt they experiment to see which brand suits them?... which brand is more reliable?... or even know how to put them on properly?... this is one of the main reasons why there are so many teen pregnancies....coz young males dont know how to cover their own junk properly.... if a guy doesnt like the feel of condoms... geez they can try the thins or nudes where they are still being protected but have the feel of not wearing one... or know there are ones called Quickies...that ya just pull down after you have done the blow test... so they dont get frustrated trying to put them on when they dont have alot of experience doing so.... how about we educated both males and females there are more options then just regular. once again i must remind you that they do not make SMALL condoms ( unless perhaps for novelty gag gift or something ) , a regular sized condom would likely fit even the tiniest of penis's . at the start of ya post you said "They dont make "small" condoms as far as i am aware" now ya saying they do not make small condoms... if you go into a condom shop where they sell nothing but condoms... you will see what i am saying.... see what is being made out there and you will see everyone is starting to be catered for... well they do over here in australia so i can only comment on what is done here. When you were 13 you didnt have a penis , i did, any condom fit fine. i didn't have to experiment or play with them to find it out :) I also took gym class like every other guy and by 13 anyone could fit a condom. no when i was 13 i was fully developed when most of the females in my grade hadnt even started ( i started at the age of 10)... as i said... everyone has a different shape and size.. no 2 are exactly the same.... which goes for both males and females.... no 2 people go thru puberty at the same rate so for you to comment on your own personal experience and what you have seen is all well and good and might have worked for you but might not work for anyone else.... everyone has different experiences and as i said... no 2 are exactly the same. There is nothing wrong with getting a shitload of different brands, sizes , latex non latex, water based lubricants or normal and experiment on themselves... kids of today need to educate themselves that there is not always a one brand/size fits all and it is up to us parents mum or dad to help them along.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

When and How do you talk about condoms? Posted: 6/9/2008 3:13:08 AM
from a guys perspetive i had to laugh at your post , sorry no offense intended If he has never used a condom , how would he know his "size" ? for the record my penis does not have a size label. regardless , any regular condom is going to fit any guy from smalll to large, if he had a penis so small it would slip out he surely isn't going to tell his mother about it so she can get condoms for him. Silver... no offense taken....but as i am a regular visitor to the supermarket and in the hygiene aisle funny enough right next to the pregnancy tests..lol.... i often look at the different types of condoms that are available.... there are different sizes... even if you go into a purely condom shop you will see they come not only in different colours flavours ribbed studded vibrating thicknesses latex or non latex (for those who are allergic) but also in different sizes.... i was with a guy and he couldnt wear regular size (overly thick) as it was too tight and would cut into him then would roll off in the mist of the action... so he had to go to the larger size....another guy had a skinny penis... and a regular condom swum on him so he had to get a small. With the OP's son not being 13 yet his penis has not full grown... so he would have to experiment with different sizes that would fit and what would be comfortable for him.... as a "regular" condom has been measured from a grown mans penis.. not a 13 year olds. all your comment says about your "regular" condom means you have the average sized penis and there is nothing wrong with that.... but not every male has the same size penis... and condom manufactures are realising this and catering for those needs.... just like for women... not every woman has the same vagina length or shape.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

When and How do you talk about condoms? Posted: 6/8/2008 5:30:23 PM
if you go to the Four Seasons website... there is heaps of information... you could go thru it with your son.... you can order them online and they also give you 1 free "test" condom of your choice that you can get for yourself or you can donate it to a charity that supplies condoms to south african women in africa to provent the spread of aids and other STD's... which is what i personally do. Its always a sad day when your little ones arent so little anymore...but we as parents knew one day it would eventually come... they grow up get friends of their own...and form their own little relationships... i sometimes hate that my son has more of a social life then i do and hes not even 6 yet...lol...but hes growing up.... its meant to happen...just as we had to grow up (some more so then others..lol.) and a little sound advice... while ya helping and furthering your sons education on the whole sex thing... have your 11 year old around.... coz speaking from experience... the youngest learns the quickest as they see the older sibling doing it... and may want to explore it too..... hit 2 birds with one stone.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

My kid's Mom moving closer to us? Posted: 6/8/2008 5:14:03 PM
im in a smiilar situation... but the dad lives an hour and half away .. but yet only works 25 mins away.... he is looking for new employment... we have spoken about it.. and what his options are... he can a) get a job closer to where he lives and saves a crapload of money on fuel... but the downside of that.... he doesnt get to see our son as often only those 2 nights a fortnight in his care... or b) get a job down here keep the 3 hour travel daily (if theres no traffic) doesnt save on fuel and car cost... and see our son as often as he does 3 nights a week at my house plus the 2 nights a fortnight in his care. At the end of the day... the choice is his.... he doesnt want to see less of our son so he is in a bind right now.... but whatever choice he does make i have to be supportive and be there for my son due to the sudden lack of again.... you can put the pros and cons on the table...but as i said end of the day its their choice....

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

When and How do you talk about condoms? Posted: 6/8/2008 4:41:38 PM
your have pretty much laid down the foundations of the whole safe sex thing and when and when you think he shouldnt do it etc.... but knowing of this friends gf and her "likes to kiss her boyfriends" see what your son thinks of that... and talk about his feelings towards his new gf .... and ask him or her what her thoughts on the subject are... you can even say that although you dont approve of these activities at their age....they are going to be exploring their sexuality one way or another approval or not .... and this is thing where your son knows you dont approve of but you be there for him with any advice he may need.... even if you buy some condoms yourself and let him play with them... show him how to use them (banana or vib).... so he knows if it does comes a time he knows.... and drum in the safe sex message... and dont give in to peer pressure.. just coz his mates are doing it doesnt mean he doesnt have to if he doesnt feel right about it. there is a new condom out from a brand the Four Seasons called Quickies... it has a grip tags that you just pull down on instead of the old frustrating way of rolling it down and thats when most give up and not wear them.... As my dad said to me when i was your sons age.... cant help sexual exploration its all part of growing up as long as you do it safely. EDIT: another thing.... if you are going to buy condoms or he buys them... make sure he knows what size to get for himself... as you and he doesnt want them slipping off in the mist of it coz they are too big.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 169 (view)

single mothers: underpaid by social security or...? Posted: 6/8/2008 2:28:52 PM
ok there is already a govt dept that has been set up and it has been for a number of years to help the long term unemployed/ single parents and mature aged people to return to the workforce... one site is called jobwise.... i know QLD has their own for state govt dept set up.... there is also another dept set up to help young single mothers gain an education with free to a min cost of day care to help them out.... this of course for those who have small children that are not of school age more so then of the parents that have kids of school age.... as i have said a few pages back.... i have been working part time for the family business for the last 3 years.... this is my sons 2nd year in school.. prep last year year 1 this year....before he went to school i would take him with me.. added bonus... granddad/grandson time.... but now im looking at getting back into mainstream workforce (and keeping my parttime job with the family business) i can use before and after school care.... i have even asked the school care manager what the availability is so i know if i have to rely on family and friends or not... and she told me... mornings are not really a problem as most of the kids dont turn up.... its the afternoons they have the short fall.... and from talking to other parents at the school who are married... its them that are taking up the vacancies of these care positions which is making it harder for me to put my child into some sort of care when i do go back to mainstream... even when my son was younger... i had him on 5 waiting lists which were 3-5 years long... i might.. and i will say might be able to get him in for one day if another child didnt turn up... but then he would go right down to the bottom of the list again..... i even put him on a list of a centre that hadnt even opened yet...and he still didnt get in ..heck there is one centre up the road and your child can only get in if they have a sibling in there already. there is also a huge difference when it comes to the age of the children or child of the parents that are getting payment be it full or part payments.. as centres dont take kids once they hit highschool... 12 years old is their cut off age ( some kids just dont have the maturity to look after themselves at 12 years and over).... and this is also what alot of people are missing the point on.... single parents with younger kids can find it harder to place their child/ren in a childcare centre as they are already fiilled by kids of a 2 income family... my sister who is married got her son in with no problems.... i rung up to get mine in... didnt have a position. tax payers can rant and rave about single parents... more so about the younger then the ones that started off later in life (i worked for 11 years before having my son).... all they want.... it doesnt make the system any better.... coz as i said in my post a few pages back.... its not always the single parents that are doing the wrong thing.... there is always a small handful that does and i know of some of them.... but the govt help out more with 2 income families then anything else.. my sister gets part A and part B plus rent assistance plus 70% of her child care fees paid for each fortnight and they are on 60K+... or one of their friends... she had a child before her now defacto which they have a toddler togeher.... she gets about $400 a fortnight she doesnt work never has her defacto brings home 70K + 1% of company profit each year....she gets that much coz her first child isnt his but yet he has been supporting that child since he was a toddler.. hes now 12... and thats a couple of hundred more then i get for family tax benefits.... or ya can just listen to the stink of the 2 income families that earn over $150K who are getting their tax benefits cut and their baby birth bonus cut... they think they are getting hard done by.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 160 (view)

single mothers: underpaid by social security or...? Posted: 6/8/2008 5:56:40 AM
Social Security and Centrelink are one in the same... it just changed it names... its been on the same format for many years....but of recent years it has slackened off on its leeways... but now tightening up again... back 20 years ago when my mother did leave.... i was 12.... my dad was working fulltime and had been in the 16 years of their marriage..... my mother went straight into another relationship and also had been working fulltime for many years... so the services back then as i and my older sister were old enough to look after ourselves didnt have to lean on the govt payments for help. CSA started up in 1988... that was the year my mother left us..... she was spose to pay $60 a month for myself plus my school uniform... this never happened....my dad paid for everything.. my mother also would have me for the max of the min time and she claimed me on her taxes as a dependant until i was 16... i busted her doing this when i walked in her doing her taxes... I cant and my father cant claim the money of arrears my mother didnt pay for those 6 years.... she also didnt pay for my sister as she (sister) was working part time and could afford things herself.. my sister was 16 at the time...... its only been of say roughly the last 10 or so years that claims on arrears have been put forth for collection.... before the new change on collection came in it was all dead money.. hence why they changed it. Back then contractors and subcontractors didnt have to put in BAS like they do these days... it is alot better and easier to collect from them now then it was back then... as back then cash in hand jobs were more readily available... where as now a days it has to be more so above board.... however there are some loopholes that i wont go into full detail of... ( might give some ideas ..lol).... but people that are on commission + wage bases salary can put a hold on their payments now until tax time comes... but then it is all bases on the year befores earning.... This mother has got off her butt, got a job and PROVIDED for her child. It is more admirable to do this than know all the ins and outs of how centrelink, CSA and the ATO run, all at the push of a button. So you are saying i sit on my butt dont have a job and dont provide for my child.... coz i know the ins and out of what every single parent should now so they know they arent getting ripped off by the ATO or CSA from the NCP?... Centrelink do deduct money from a single parent who is receiving childsupport over a certain amount and above.. even if they arent getting paid the child support money money will get deducted regardless.. same as they deduct money from a working single parent each fortnight from their payments... and cut them off after a certain amount earnt each fortnight. there is seriously no harm for a single parent to know how govt departments work when it does effect them... regardless if they are working or not. Edit: Another thing I will add here. All this work between the ATO, CSA and Centrelink to catch these thieving people who are actually stealing from their children and the government, wouldn’t it be more cost effective to put the loser in jail and have them do some real work? who is paying to put and maintain these losers in jail? the taxpayers.... and what real work would they do in jail?.. they can get an education for free, work out.. sit around for most of the day... and all at the cost of the you got it ... the tax payers... find out how much it actually does cost to run a jail on a daily bases with the cost of the running of daily running bills and wages of staff... and how much it is to feed the inmates.... and i think really it wont be more cost effective to just throw them in jail coz they arent taking on their responsibility to help raise their kids financially.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 156 (view)

single mothers: underpaid by social security or...? Posted: 6/8/2008 3:06:21 AM
A child is only a child until they reach adulthood, but a mother and a father are parents for their entire LIFE! I can only speak for myself.... but my son will always be my son... and he will always be my child regardless if he is an adult or not... just as i will always be his mum....the only difference between him being young child and adult child is the age and the way i see him in that age which is exactly.... right now... he is young were im raising him to be a honest and respectable adult....once he is a grown adult.... and im asked if i have children... yes i have a child but he is an adult now..... so for me.... he will always be my child... just as i will always be his mum... and both of those bonds are for life..... same as my nephew will always be my nephew regardless of age... and so developes the family tree. I would have to say on this topic tho, The USA have it right in this matter. If a parent does not pay for thier child's wellbeing. That is food, clothing, shelter, education, health insurance and anything else that child needs until that child is able to do all these things for themselves, they are penalized by the government revoking their drivers licence, and in some cases the parent who is not helping out financially could in fact face prison terms. I for one, would love to see this happen in Australia. 2sir... you may think this will work over here but i see many loop holes.... and what we have in measures for the NCP not paying their child support is alot better then sending them to jail or taking their lic off them... if you seriously think about it.... if this NCP relies on his/her lic to get to and from work.. or even needs it for work... and he/she loses it... then he/she cant work... so then there is no money to pay to pay the fine to get their lic back.... same with jail time... if the NCP is sent to jail for a period of time.... they might lose their job.... realistically what business these days will hold a position open for that person who is sent to jail for when they get out?... and what if the line of work the NCP is working in needs a criminal background check to get another job?.... as innocent as the "crime" might be... it is still on their record... same with them losing their lic. What the CSA has in place.... is just as good if not better..... as the ATO and CSA and Centerlink are all linked to the same network and they can get the information at the stroke of one button...the person can be tracked down...say in my case.... my ex hasnt handed in a tax return in this will be his 4th year if he doesnt put it in.. the CSA sends a ping to ATO... that registers with the ATO and then they know how many pings that name has got.. and is alerted... if the ATO get 4pings from CSA... the NCP gets audited.... with a huge fine.... if they do put in their returns... child support still gets paid in some form.... and it is taken out of their returned money straight to CSA... the NCP doesnt even see it... and so on and so forth.... Now the CSA can also get past income amounts that the ATO releases for the year before from what the company has claimed... ( thats whats happened with me for my ex) If no child support is paid ever...and the child is now of the age of 18.... or up until they are 25 and living at home and studying and over .... the payments may have stopped but the case doesnt close.... the debt is still there.... and it gives the NCP a black mark on their name... so when they get a credit check for a loan or what not.... that debt will come up.... it will never go away... until they pay it off..... even if they claim brankruptcy the debt is still there same as the debt for any ATO they may have... as it is a federal debt. there is also arrears collection and direct wage collections... this is a legal bond with CSA and the company of employment of the NCP... if the company doesnt follow thru with the agreement they can be threatened and taken to federal court to do so. (also has happened in my case). So if ya think jail time and losing a lic to which the person that has spent or lost mighten even learn from it and sees it as no big deal...is way better then a lifetime of debt is better.. thats your choice.... i personally prefer life time of debt.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

getting used to co-parenting Posted: 6/7/2008 3:42:31 PM
The idea that one day my kids will really "get" all this is a great thing to hope for. Daniel..... your girls most probably do get it now... but they like you are also trying to get use to the co-parenting but in their eyes its co-children. Kids see and hear alot more then we give them credit for..... they most probably saw and heard you and your soon to be ex try really hard to work it out.... they would have picked up on the mood in the house.. saw the body language.... and realised mummy and daddy werent like they use to be... but you just never really noticed that they would have noticed.... the benefit of them noticing/seeing/hearing all that went on around them and saw the split was a mutual thing and nothing nasty was done or said ... would give them a good experience for their future on how they would be able to handle something in a similar situation.....and speaking from experience myself with my own parents.... i can now look back 20 years on... and say... yep... it was the best thing my parents ever did.. not only for themselves ... but for us kids...... your girls will be able to see the difference in bot you and ya ex and see how much happier you both are in your current lives.... Give it time to all settle down .. theres a new routine you all have to adjust too.... soon you will all see... happy parents = happy kids. Oh and by the way... dont fret the girls getting sick.... id put it down to change of weather which does get to most of us... some worse then others regardless of where we would be living.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 41 (view)

Oooh, I'm a bad parent! Posted: 6/5/2008 5:44:01 AM
Yep im also a bad parent.... After months ( 2 terms at school jan-june) of my son not eating his lunch... many attempts of getting him to eat his lunch....many talks with him as to why... always one reason... playtime is more important then food... many followed thru threats of things being taken off him... no bday party... no going to bday parties.... no school fetes.... no fun no tv no nothing... me going up and sitting him on both breaks... have spoken to his teacher..... and nothing worked... his dad said if he doesnt eat his lunch he doesnt want to see him until he does.... i thought like that is gonna make a difference... he will still have one parent.. and well he had already lived 3 years of his life with no contact with his dad.... i thought....Boarding School... threatened that one just over a week ago.... and well wouldnt ya know it... hes eaten all his lunch.... got the leaflets sent out so he thinks we are for real.... he knows we have spoken to the headmistress of his school... but little does he know..... we have made other arrangements there... i guess hes ok with losing his dad again... but saying hes not gonna see both parents bar for school holidays got to him... as he said... i dont want to not see my parents..... his dad said i have double standards.....lol.. i call is smart thinking....lol...

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

Premature babies Posted: 6/5/2008 3:07:17 AM
I dont know if breast feeding is encouraged there or not for premies.... but over here it is.... All babies have a feeding tube and the mothers are encouraged to pump the milk for their baby/ies.... first few days worth of milk is put into special bags... and there after mothers are given bottles to fill... all bottles and bags are labeld with mother, childs name and the date and time it was expressed and stored in their fridges..... for feeding times the breast milk is then feed thru the nose tube that is in their stomachs... they will continue to be tube feed and eventually weened onto the breast... of course there are a few attempts until the baby is sucking correctly... my sister took a shitload of filled bottles home that helped out alot when i babysat.. i actually still have a bottle in my freezer... lol maybe i should throw it out they have only a 12month lifespan once frozen.... but the grossest thing i saw when i was there.... was when it was feeding time for my nephew... the nurse placed a syringe in the end of the feeding tubed and drew back on it to see if there is any milk still left in his stomach....they suck all of it out to see how much to give or to just leave it for a little while. My nephew is 19 months old now.... he was 9 weeks early.... spent 2 days in NICU the moved to the normal nursery for premies that are out of the woods on day 3... was released exactly 4 weeks later. As for costing... it was nothing.... it will only cost you if you have private health insurance here... and then you have to have it for a few months before falling pregnant before you can claim your birth on it.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

Absent parents, but not by choice Posted: 6/1/2008 7:34:50 PM
Justlookin' is correct about still having to pay child support even if rights were terminated. He would actually have to pay MORE. When she started all this nonsense we called a lawyer and told us that they could take double of what they already do. That shocked me beyond belief!!! I'm gobsmacked that that can be done over there.. I haven't heard it happening over here.... I've looked thru all the family law website and there is no loop hole for that to happen here...even when I had my lawyer and I had brought up terminating my ex's rights he said the same thing I knew about it... everything ceases... financial, emotional and physical... although the only way I could get any financial support out of him if there was CS in arrears up until the time of the termination then it stops when the arrears is paid up. So if there is a loop hole over there that the "terminated" parent ( that doesn't sounds right) still has the responsibility to financially support the child/ren then their parental rights haven't been terminated completely... it would have to be called something else wouldn't it? Who would have thunk that the word terminate doesn't actually mean that over there....lol.... I'll just keep shaking my head at that for the rest of the day now. LOL. Welder's ex sounds like a real nice piece of work.... i don't envy you in the slightest having to deal with that crap... I've been thru a nice piece of work with my ex's current gf...lol... thankfully she hates my guts and she doesn't want to be anywhere near me...lol.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 26 (view)

does the amount of children.. Posted: 6/1/2008 7:08:17 PM
personally i dont think ya would have a problem finding someone that would show acceptance of your 4 girls.... but the only thing i can really think of... is if the women you are meeting are wanting kids of their own... and if you are wanting more kids as well.... as i know myself... if i met a man who had kids that wouldnt worry me in the slightest... although im still a bit iffy on if i want more kids for myself or not... more so yes i do want more of my own with the right person.... and with me meeting a man that has kids (2 or more) they sometimes dont want anymore it would kinda put a damper on me having just one more child. But i will have to say.. i was contacted by a guy i knew 7 years ago.... he then was divorced and had 4 kids.. all he was very much involved with.... he met someone else who he got engaged to and had another on the way... that was the last i heard from him til the other day.... i asked how many wives and kids he has now.. he has now 2 ex wives ( including the first i knew of) 9 kids.... just broke up with is gf like 3 days ago... and she is carrying his tenth... so if he doesnt have a problem finding someone then im sure you wont.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Have you ever won anything? Posted: 5/29/2008 8:55:01 PM
first thing i ever won was a mystery flight for 2 people from the local when i was 19 (knew i won it when i walked thru the door..lol the owner loved me and well....i was good friends with all the staff) ... it was a overnight package at one of the top resorts up in cairns.... lol. didnt sleep for 2 days.... it was a good and very much needed weekend away.... after that i use to go to trivia nights with a friend of mine... i had to buy a new fridge as the one i had was filling up with 6 packs of beer that i had won on those nights...lol.. back then i didnt drink beer as beer was never my friend.. oh then i won a professional photo shoot that i didnt even enter.. damn my sister... she won one too so we did it together. although if i won the lottery... seeing as i am youngish.. and i have child... depending on how much i did get... first thing i would get is a house pay it outright... then i would invest 50% of the remainder for my son and any future kids i may have for their future...then a well deserved holiday to where who knows...

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

Who doesn't drive? Posted: 5/29/2008 7:34:40 PM
I do agree that we overuse cars for short trips. But I have to say, 4km is actually pretty far. I'd give it about 40 minutes. 30 in a hurry. If you needed say... some milk at the shop that would take a round trip of an hour. Or 5 minutes in the car. Not a difficult decision. If it's round the corner, sure, but 4km? WG... lets take the sunday just gone.....it was a fine sunny day.... i needed some bread... i had swapped weekends with my ex due to our son having bday parties and what not to go too (which he never got to go too).... instead of walking to the corner shop (100mtrs i normally use as a deseperate emergency anyways) and paying $5 for a loaf of bread.. we walked down 2.4kms to woolies to get it and pick up some other odds and sods... 1 very light bag and walked back again ..... but also showing him what he was missing out on as there was a school fair on at the catholic school which he wanted to go too as he was grounded (yes im a evil mum lol)... i needed to get him out of the house..... when my son was younger i would put him in the pram and go down and bak..... i do the same with my nephew on a nice day to get him out of the house... theres nothing wrong with walking that far... chuck the roller blades on the kid and go... A) ya both getting exercise B) it gets both out of the house for an hour or so (big upgraded park across the road so he plays there for a bit and i get me time) C) why waste a perfect day driving down there trying to find a park when you can enjoy it and not feel rushed. I can bus it down... most of the time i do.... its a 3min bus ride to Oxford st... same as in a car... but if ya have been to that st ... ya would know parking can be a b!tch... by the time i have bused it down ($1.80 off peak return ticket) done the banking and picked up a few things its 30 mins and im on the next bus back home....the exact same time it would take for someone in a car...... now if i have more then carry on bags i will get a taxi home ($7) and i normally have my friend with me that lives half way between my house and woolies.. if she too has more then carry on bags we split the taxi fare which costs us $3.50.... so as ya can see i do live pretty close to everything that i need... and enjoy the surroundings on a nice day.... but each to their own on what they prefer.... this is just easier for me... others mighten think so it would be for them and thats their choice.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Absent parents, but not by choice Posted: 5/29/2008 6:52:19 PM
I have to say something. I don't know where Welder is or even where the previous poster is, but here in the US, if rights are terminated, it does not terminate the responsibility of child support until/unless the child is adopted by someone else. L4P.... I live in Australia... and it is under the understanding and law here that once a parent has had his/her parental right terminated that all rights.. physical, emotional and financial rights cease for that child/ren. So if your saying where you are located (granted every state and county has different rulings and laws over there as they are not national laws) if a parent is stripped or is terminated of their parental rights of their child/ren and still held responsible financially for that child/ren then doesnt that mean they still have the right to be involved in the child/rens life as they are still financially supporting them? Im just curious to find out how one can or be terminated and still be held responsible until the child/ren are adopted by another.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

Absent parents, but not by choice Posted: 5/29/2008 2:59:02 PM
my ex was absent for 3 years of our sons life.... not by my choice... but he had thought it was. due to constant verbal mental and sometimes physical abuse for 2 years....and it was getting worse once he moved up to be closer to our son (encouragement from the gf)... i put forth a DVO (restraining order) against him.... not to stop him from seeing his son... but from him seeing me and stop the abuse happening infront of our son. during the DVO trail there was several attempts to get it granted... one was that he was to go apply for mediation and sort it out.... he did do this but his lawyer didnt put the papers in on time and the case became closed.... so my ex said he wanted the DVO to go to full evidence trail... 6 months later... he didnt turn up..... i stated to the judge that i am not stopping him from seeing his son just want the abuse to stop towards me.... so the judge put in a clause that the only contact he is to have with me via phone was as agreed on the parenting order....so back to meditation we went... and as i had the DVO for 2 years... supervised visits at a contact center was granted then it went to pick ups and drop offs from there.... well... after months of waiting for the final document to be sent out from the family courts... we later found out as i had signed them waiting on him to do so... that his lawyers firm had closed down.. we got the documents from a firm that held firm closures... and saw that his lawyer had put in the wrong information about myself and our son so that made the document invalid. I have asked him his reasoning for his absent and with only being 20 mins away from each other... his excuse the DVO... when i told him there was a clause in there that didnt stop him from seeing his son.. i asked him again.... his excuse i dont know.... he has also apologised to me for the absence...and said that he was young and stupid and he has now realised what he has done and it will never happen again....granted when he did start seeing our son again it was the same as before (gf was still in his ear).... he has now opened his eyes to her.. and has said if she says anything about me or tries to do anything to provent him from seeing his son again shes out the door that fast the door wont even kick her in the ass. i guess im grateful in many ways.... that the courts wont see a family case unless there is proven cases of at least 4 attempts of mediation...and it is documented if one of the parents either refuses to do it... or doesnt show up... it will look badly for that parents case. Welder... has ya SO put it towards his ex about if she terminates his parental right that she will no longer get any child support off him?.... but either way... i would keep every piece of documentation put it in a safe for when the time is right which is when the kids are older to understand fully.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Who doesn't drive? Posted: 5/28/2008 5:10:07 PM
ill admit i dont have a lic or a car... i did have my learners when i was 16.5 and i wanted to buy a car then so i could practice without paying an instructor... but my dad said no... this was after on my 2nd instructed lesson he took me into the valley to drop someone else off.. and wanted me to hill start the car turning into vulture st on the hill end and if i didnt do the clutch right one more time he would break my knee caps in. I live about 5kms from the city.... every job i have had is CBD area so ya had to use public transport anyways... i have a bus 100mtrs down the road... another one 500mtrs up the other end... the ferry just 15mins walk and same with the train... all going to where i want to go and can be in the city within 10 mins..... i walk 2.5km each way if i want to pick something up from woolies... or i can bus it... i dont see what the big deal is... as my family are nagging me to get my lic and a car but i see the struggle they go thru just putting petrol in 2 cars the insurance and rego and repairs..... yes it would be nice... but im happy with what ive got. there are some mothers at the school that live in my end of the street... i live 500mtrs from the school and they still drive. I have no problem with people with cars.... at one point i did wish i did have one when i was living in syd.... i did a 2 hour trip each way from st clair to lane cove every day.... which was 2 buses and a train..... but when i think about it... if i did drive it would have taken me longer as traffic in syd is shit!

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 26 (view)

Boyfriend`s Ex refuses to let me visit baby with him Posted: 5/28/2008 2:47:49 PM
i actually think alot of you are hitting the nail on the head..... as i have said.. i have personally gone thru the exact same thing... my ex was with (living together from day one) his "gf" for 5 months before i had to take our son down to re-introduce him to his dad..... the "gf" had 5 months with no child around and had dad all to herself... when we eventually got down there she realised dads attention wasnt focused on her anymore so she made waves... the first time i ever met her was at dads parents place (who love me).... dad went to the loo and she followed and waited for him outside the door... everywhere he went she went in a very small house... she didnt want dad and i to be left alone.... from that day on she made life hell.... put her demands on dad and of course coz he has been doing it for 5 months he jump at every one of them... it got to the point where he would be over would bring her... and she would totally ignore our son.. read a book or pretend to fall asleep... and kept asking when can they go coz she was bored... if she didnt come into the house she would be in the car honking the horn telling him to hurry up. when they moved up here ( together 9 months) she came over to my house for a month... by the 3rd day she told me her plan for dad... i didnt like the fact that she was screwing him over so i told him to be careful....for that first month she only came over to see we werent up to anything as she saw how good we were getting on.... then for the next 4 months she never came over.... and within 5 mins of him arriving to see our son she would ring or tct him and demand he come home...she even did this when our son was very sick and he hadnt seen him for 3 days..... she is also the reason why dad didnt see his son for 3 years when living 20 mins away from each other..... they are still together to this day... she is still causing waves...as when dad started to want to see our son again she was demanding that both of them move back to their home town... and i have not seen her since that last day i saw her 4 years ago so for those posters saying that she is only wanting to be there to see what is going on between the new parents... i think yas are spot on.... as i have already said.. the OP may think she is ok with the baby being around... and wanting to force the issue of seeing the baby to assure herself she is ok with it.... i doubt very much she will be....coz i am now back to the old friendship with my ex as before our son ( minus the sex) the "gf" doesnt like it... and is accusing him and i of having sex... but yet... she has not made the trip down on the pick ups and drop off of our son since dad has been seeing him again almost 12months. i smell insecurity of the OP.. and seeing as she has not been back on this thread i think alot of us have touched a raw nerve and have pinned her. EDIT: welder....lol... i had experienced the baby isnt mine from my ex as well.. coz the 18 year old was asking him if it was his and how would he know.... so yep i have been accused and being a "slut/whore" and future "gf" filling my exs head with stupid ideas...

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Boyfriend`s Ex refuses to let me visit baby with him Posted: 5/25/2008 11:23:04 PM
Yep i have been thru it.... my ex was priming a 18 year old for a month before i found out i was pregnant.... started going out with her 2 weeks after i left when i was 3 months... she said she could handle him having a child to someone else... but when the crunch came she couldnt and she bailed. In those first few months we (father and i) became close again then the novelty wore off for him.... he later met a then 20 year old.. his current "gf" she too said she was ok with him having a child... but at this point he hadnt seen his son for a number a months.. when the crunch came there too and i had to take our son to re-introduce him to his dad.. she didnt like it and did everything in her power to stop him from seeing his son... then absent from our sons life again for a number of months they moved up here... he flung the gf right into our sons face... stuff went down she couldnt handle the no attention she was getting not like she had before they had moved up when she got all the attention..... time came again 3 years absent out of our sons life... she is still with my ex.. i do not like her... i refused her to have anything to do with our son when son and father were rebuilding their relationship.... she still tries to get in the way every now and then but my ex has wised up. Dont be in a rush to meet the baby.... coz once it is actually in your face you mighten like it... even though you are saying you are fine with it.... when the time comes you may not. So take things slow... there is also a new relationship blossoming between the new mum and dad...and that is coz of the new baby.... they are a family even if they arent together. If you want to know why your bfs ex is refusing you to visit.... maybe you should ask her or him as to why.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 36 (view)

So when did schools get the right?!? Posted: 5/25/2008 7:29:15 PM
Im so grateful that the school my son goes too does not allow anything of the sort to happen. Every excursion / field trip to every camp.... a consent slip is sent out to each child in that year level... the school also has a policy of no pay no go.. so if a parents doesnt pay then the child doesnt go... in the consent slips they also ask if parents can be parent helpers and parents give a yes or no reply. The school also sends out at the start of the term a school term calendar so every parent knows whats going on in every year level in that school and who is coming into the school as special guest speakers.... they also let us know on the calendar when lock down drills and fire drills are going to be preformed. Im actually filling out a consent slip as i type this up for an under 8's day... in that i have to fill out a medical records form of my son... and also give or not consent to his picture being taken on the day... same goes for the big night out to which the parents take their kids to it.... but still have to give consent to pictures being taken of your child. Speaking of pictures being taken when we enrol our kids we then fill out a form giving consent to if we allow pictures of our kids to be put on the internet, newspapers, tv media or school news letters.... its actually against the law here to film children under the age of 16 without a parents consent if the children are in school uniform and on or near the school grounds. Purple i really dont blame ya for being pissed... i would be too if the school changed to that policy and i personally would take my son out of that school for that reason..

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 33 (view)

phone bills???? Posted: 5/25/2008 6:57:26 PM
Ive been thinking alot about this thread over the last few days... what im gonna say may throw a spanner in the works here.... but seeing as i have been thru a similar thing... and things are much better now then they were 5 years ago... As some of yas might know my ex told me to move back home when i was pregnant... i left him when i was 3 months... for 18 months i traveled back and forth (1.5 hour flight each way) so the bond was there between father and son... the day before our sons 2nd bday my ex moved up here (without notifying me) he was full on for 4 months then the visits got less and less til there was no contact at all for 3 years ( we lived 5 mins away before i moved 20 mins away and he worked 15mins away from where i moved too)... my ex now lives 1.5hours drive away and sees our son 3 nights a week and has him 2 nights a fortnight.... at the start of the getting to know each other again.. our son would travel the 3 hour round trip in 8 hour day visit a fortnight... it took alot out of our son the traveling but now he has 2 nights a fortnight with dad hes alot better and alot less traveling..... also my ex still works 15 mins away from us ( he travels the 3 hour round trip every day) so it makes during the week visits alot easier and its those few hour visits after work have helped heaps. Now this is what i have been thinking..... if you are wanting to prove your case to the courts for the lack of contact between father and daughter... have you thought of moving closer to where he lives?.. coz im guessing the 2 hour each way drive would take alot out of any 2.5 year old.... i know it did with our son and he had just then turned 5...... you have said that you want her father to see her on days off or whenever he wants... but a 4 hour round trip for either one of you especially your daughter if she is doing the traveling as well can take alot out of ya even when you have work in your home town.. If you move closer then he cant use the distance now as an excuse as to why he doesnt see his daughter...also with living closer it can make your case stronger due to lack of..... if you do truly want your daughter to know her father so shes not having separation attacks everytime she leaves you having more regular visits even if it is a few hours during the week will make her overcome that..... give the move 12 months with a minimum of 6months to see if what he says is true or not..... if he doesnt make more of an effect with you closer then he really has no grounds to stand on and try and stop you from moving back to your home town. as for the phone bills... dont know how it works there but here the courts warrant the companies to release both persons information for land line and mobile between the 2 parties and only those 2 parties.... but the companies can issue you your own personal information on your request but that is only your outgoing calls.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 61 (view)

my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up Posted: 5/21/2008 9:26:10 PM
not trying to burst ya bubble or anything welder so dont take offense.... but the gestational age sometimes has nothing to do with how far along you actually were with some pregnancies. I found out i was pregnant it was 8th Oct.... ultrasound stated i was 5 weeks... so that took me to have fallen early sept... my due date ranged from 3rd-7th july estimated by follow up ultrsounds. I gave birth 28th june... my gestation was at 38 weeks... and my son was born at 8.5 pounds.... same as my nephew he was 9 weeks early and weighed in at 2pound 9..... i also know people that have carried to full term and still had a 3-4 pound baby and their gestation was different due to the baby being small.....yes every pregnancy is different... same as every birth.... same as every child. The OP's gf fell pregnant... when in sept we dont know... could have been mid to late august... we dont know.... but as stated above the OP said her and this bio father wanted to keep the baby.. if she wanted to keep the baby why would she give it up for adoption... if she truly didnt want to have the baby she could have aborted (each to their own on that personally im against abortions for myself but dont have a problem with people that do) unless it was too late to have one. The OP sorry but i feel you knew what you were getting into when you took ya gf back.. you knew she was pregnant with another mans child... for you to say im not gonna raise another mans child is silly coz there would have been a 50/50 chance she could have changed her mind herself on the adoption after the birth..... this is something you will have to work out for yourself... to support her on this and stay with her... this will or may always haunt your relationship with your gf ... things might change and she may regret giving up the child and that could put tension on your relationship... this you have to deal with as well.....maybe both of you should go and sit on some meetings for parents that have lost their child and see how they handle life afterwards....... if you dont think you would be able to handle it... then dont prolong it and let her be. i dont think any amount of advice would really be worthy of this situation...coz it comes down to what you feel is right in your heart and gut.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

what to do now Posted: 5/19/2008 8:51:51 PM
I didnt think the courts were being brought into this... I was just stating the son has a legal right to say no he doesnt want to go if he doesnt want too.... it is up to the parents to force the issue or not.... if they force the issue they are not respecting the feelings of the child at that point in time ( the child could dislike both parents for doing so)... if they let it go and wait til it all settles down then they have respected the childs feeling and choice and things will go back to normal. Its the same with when a child wants to go and sleep over at a friends house on that weekend he/she is with the NCP... are they going to say no you cant go coz your going with mum/dad dont ever ask again?.... with the parent saying no.. could that damage the child social circle? As kids get older they get more responsibilities obviously and one of those responsibilities is to make choices.... granted right or wrong but the parents should support those choices....parents should also be able to accept their child is growing up will be having friends to have sleep overs with, parties to go too and making choices for themselves...etc... its called loosening the reins just a little to help the child grow into the person they are... and with the correct guidance from parents they will make the right choices for themselves. In sweets case... she has said her son will only see his dad if the gf is not around... so it is up to the dad if he wants to see his son to make arrangements to do so without the gf.... I come from a divorced family of 20 years.... i was turning 12 when it happened... i was allowed to make the choice of where i wanted to stay/live and with which parent at any given time.... i will admit... i went back and forth a few times... in the end... i stayed with my dad.... but i am grateful i have a very supportive dad that allowed me to make those choices even if it was a mistake on my behalf.... i had to learn for myself what my mother was/is like and to this day she still only wants to have something to do with us if she wants something or can benefit from it and nothing has change.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

what to do now Posted: 5/19/2008 6:11:11 PM
in all honesty... if your son doesnt want to go to his dads place then there is no need to force the issue... your son is of the age where he can legally say NO i dont want to go... the reason behind him not wanting to go is between him and his dad... which is for them to sort out between themselves. the gf did a stupid thing... that is her responsibility to explain to your son as to why. Although i am in a kinda similar situation as yourself....where i am now very good friends with my sons father..... he is having relationship problems and comes to me for advice. if he chooses to take it good for him he would be better off... if not he has to deal with it himself.... and if that relationship comes between my son and him again... they can make other arrangements to spent time together without the gf..... to which my ex knows this. so if your son and his dad still want to spent time together but your son doesnt want anything to do with the gf... then it is up to your ex to make other arrangements to do so... eventually he may grow some balls and get rid of the gf.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 125 (view)

single mothers: underpaid by social security or...? Posted: 5/11/2008 9:51:30 PM
Its funny... its been awhile since i have been on these boards and i cant believe this is one is still going...lol. Although i had a argument with a guy about this same thing on friday night.... He didnt like the fact that I am a single parent.. I do collect support from the govt... it was the fathers choice to not stick around while i was pregnant... that i have been working part - time for the last 3 years... and i have just recently started to get a decent child support even though it is not t he correct amount (he is thinking i piss up the child support payments when i go out once every 6 months if that)... this guy thought i shouldnt be getting any child support and to give the father a break... and that i was the one with the child so i should be fully responsible for raising my son... i told him he has issues and that he needed help and not everyone is a b!tch . I also told him that after a 3 year absent in our childs life the father is back and we are getting on great....but he was a stubborn d!ck and most probably could only see his own problems and not seeing everyone is not like him..... His gf also told me he would abuse her coz she lost her job and she went on payments to get them by until she got another job.... nice guy huh..... But im also finding out that seeing as i have been working part-time for the last 3 years in the family business.... im trying to get into full time mainstream....i have the experience i get the interviews.... but im seeing alot of employers are iffy on employing a single parent who has been out of mainstream workforce for a period of time.... so how are people expected to get single parents off the payments if companies arent willing to take the risk? Its not always about the money that is getting paid out to single parents... people are also forgetting that there is a family tax benefit that every family gets.. my sister and her partner receive it plus rent assistance... she has gone back to work part- time... her partner works full time and has a business.... they also get a very large child care rebate.... I know another married couple that gets all the benefits of a low income family.... and another married couple who have 6 kids (all planned) get paid more then a single parent each fortnight payment in family tax benefits.... more and more families are receiving more support from the govt due to interest rates, petrol and food increases... hell my rent has gone up $80 a week, i share with my sister as i cant afford rent on my own and if we didnt agree to the rent rise we would have no where else to go we would be homeless.... i know other single parents that are moving back in with families or share housing coz they cant afford the rent, food and even the basic bills as they too have gone up.... but what icks me the most.... there are 2 married couples i know of .. the govt doesnt know they are married... their hubands are working full time and they are collecting full single parents payments.... and living in housing commission.... both couple have just gone out and bought brand new cars... one has a alpha 2007 model and the other a magna 2007 model..... there is also a mother at school i over heard saying that she is going to be moving in with her bf... but shes keeping the housing commission house for 12 months incase it doesnt work out. this is long winded and im sorry.....

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

School Excursions. Posted: 2/7/2008 5:25:26 PM
most schools have a payment plan you can pay so much off each week for each child... the school my son goes too has alot of excursions.. mostly educational..... but as of last year they put in the news letter... no pay no go unless otherwise arranged with the office... reason behind this is that alot of kids were going and the school was running a loss... even though each child has their own student code and each child has a bill that is itemized with when and where and how much.... i know myself when in primary school... it was a trip to the snow and we were the first school and grade to walk thru new parliment house.... my dad couldnt afford it... so i was there with a few others sitting the class room making out own newspapers....never felt left out coz i never went... its the same with the grade 7's this year at my sons school... only a handful of them are going over to japan for their school trip. the advert smells a bit fishy to me... like i do know there are parents that simply can not afford things.... but most schools do have a payment plan in place if those parents just asked about it.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

You are SOOOO Busted!!! Posted: 1/27/2008 3:16:35 AM
Coming back after watching the fireworks last night i had a gf stay the night... so when we were outside having a smoke i looked up to see hot naked neighbour guy picking his gf up wrapped her legs around him bouncing up and down and then did the whole passion thing and rushed over to the wall and well...lol.. you know... i burst out laughing then quicker then you can say your so busted the blinds went down and lights went off...lol.. this isnt the first couple i have busted in this unit going at it like rabbits right at the window as the ones before busted... the couple before were smart and had cardboard stuck to the window...lol.. so for shits and giggles has anyone been busted or busted someone else big time?

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 85 (view)

single mothers: underpaid by social security or...? Posted: 1/27/2008 2:30:57 AM
i myself had worked for 11 years fulltime 2 jobs sometimes 3 jobs at once and very rarely took holidays before i had my son.... i worked right up until my water broke.... so i too have paid alot of taxes and im still paying them thru my pension as that is the option i choose to take as it was given to me..... but why is it so that honest people who are on the sole payments all get lumped into one catergory right along side of the ones that are rorting it and get looked down upon?... same with the other people get lumped in theirs as well? i personally went on it coz i knew i would be working to pay for just childcare... i would never get to spend time with him and i have seen so many other kids that both parents worked long hours and just craved for their attention if they ever got it..... i didnt really have family support.... and funny enough... my ex said to me if you go back to work fulltime ill take you to court say your a bad mother and ill take our son and i can sit there and look after him. (just so he wouldnt have to go to work and get off a payment) i have a business that is in the works... i keep my brain intouch with my main career background by helping my dad in his business (non cash in hand) and centrelink knows.... so why should i be lumped in the same boat with the rorters?

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

Truth or lies. Posted: 1/27/2008 1:47:46 AM
By ownership of the experience, I meant you have related a similar experience they have experienced, so now they have a feling thety own and it can be compared to the current situation. but what if they are too young to even have had any of the experiences in a current situation so how can they understand and own it? how do you tell a kid that is under the age of 10 and expect them to understand and own it when they ask if their daddy/mummy loves them?... or why isnt daddy/mummy not around?... or why arent you together anymore? ...or the did i do something that made daddy/mummy leave and not want to see me again?

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 83 (view)

single mothers: underpaid by social security or...? Posted: 1/27/2008 1:37:39 AM
i agree with all you have said.... i guess the thing is... regardless of thread topic.... everyone bags the single parent and how the sole parent pension is overly abused...but yet ya never hear about them complaining about their tax dollars being spent on the other areas of payments the govt has to offer which is far more abused then the single parents. as there is many that when forced to get off one payment they go to another one... and the sole parent pension is the last resort as when all fails get someone up the duff... my ex was either a long term student go for a few weeks then drop out and not say anything.... then go on and off austudy and newstart payments... for 11 years he got away with it... he knew what he had to do to keep them off his back. i had a friend that would go to different drs to get medical certificates to say she is not able to work due to mental health... in actual fact she was prefect fine mental and health wise... theres a one couple at the school my son goes too.... she is living in housing commission... she has 3 kids youngest one is turning 7 this year.... her defacto on disability pension is stated to be living with his elderly mother and also collecting carers payment for looking after her.... but yet... they are living together and always have been.... seeing has her youngest is almost 7 and she has been forced to get into 15 hours a week... she ooops falls pregnant again... but yet the govt had made her do either back to work or education regardless of baby... she said to me as she did a teachers aide assist course... im only doing this to get them off my back until the baby is born....mind you DOCS has been called upon them many times but do nothing about the living conditions they put themselves in... her twins had c0chroaches in their nappies and in the mattress of their cot.. i can give alot of other examples.... but the one that will always sick in peoples heads are the single parents that are rorting the system.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 81 (view)

single mothers: underpaid by social security or...? Posted: 1/27/2008 12:58:32 AM
the GST is what allowed the govt to have enough surplus to be able to up the birth baby bonus from $600 per child born to $2000 then it went to $4000 within 12months of that.... it also allowed the $600 per child under the age of 16 to be given to each family every year until all children have reached 16. when the birth baby bonus hit $2000 the birth rate almost doubled... which means more people are out there spending more on for the needs of kids... when it went up to $4000 it went up again.... the more ya spend the more GST ya pay.... GST is unavoidable.... normal income taxes are and can be as there are still people getting cash in hand jobs... and alot more then we would really ever know. GST will never replace income tax... the govt knew that at the time... they just whitewashed it so we would be ok with paying it. i myself ticked the option to have tax taken out of my pension each fortnight... also the amount of GST i do pay each week on bought items if i didnt have to pay it i would be able to take my son on holidays or weekends away or even take him to a theme park once a week. granted its the normal income tax that had funded the normal centrelink payments for all that are on it regardless of which payment they get... GST has paid for the extras and GST is what everyone contributed one way or another.... but what i dont understand is alot of people have a go saying their taxes are paying for single parents to pop out kids and stay at home... but what about the long term unemployed like my ex who sat on it for 11 years after finishing grade 12 and is only off it coz he got busted.. or the people that are on disability payments and there is nothing wrong with them? ...how come people arent up in arms over those people and only just single parents?

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 79 (view)

single mothers: underpaid by social security or...? Posted: 1/26/2008 9:05:37 PM
Bewitch.... you no longer have to do your 40min round trip to hand in your income and time details... you can do them over the phone or online. as for a parent not putting in their tax return for 6 years... after 4 pings from the CSA to the ATO at review time and it comes back not available from the ATO... the ATO has a record of CSA trying to get this information and the ATO can take action to that person to hand in or receive large fines or jail time..... just recently the ATO have started to release the prior years wage earning for the paying parent from the paying employer as they have to claim all wages .....my ex is going for ping number 3 this review this year if he doesnt hand in all 3 years hes got one more ping and hes gone very large fines from the ATO... CSA know he hasnt handed in it.... but.... CSA were able to obtain 05/06 information supplied from the company he works for... so now i am on the amount of 05/06 which is the arrears as well for last year.... so im always one year behind in current payments and hes always one year behind in arrears.....with CL the arrears for past years arent put into your current collectable amount it was it... what arrears for the non current financial year is all yours and you do not have to declare it....if y a ex is doing cash jobs... if you know where he has been working notify CSA of this and they will forward the information on to ATO or contact ATO.... as CSA ATO and CL are all networked together...... InSydney.... not all single parents are like that.... there are more honest single parents on the payments then other people on the other payments..... how many times do you see on the news about people saying they are on compo or saying they have a medical certificate for deep depression or whatever and cant work and collecting disability payments when there is nothing wrong with them.... what about the people that are in a defacto relationship no kids and just cant be fuked working or the students that are getting austudy and not going to classes?... personally i am honest... when staying at my mother when my son was born... they kept sending me out rent assistant forms... everytime i would ring them up and say im not paying rent dont send them out... im honest with all the forms i send it..... and i have also narked in my ex for fraud.... he is known to them.... in 2002 he got busted for austudy fraud and had to pay back 4grand.... coz he didnt notify them of him dropping out of tafe again. CL got notified by the tafe he only turned up for 3 weeks... so 3 years ago i narked on him and his gf... who had been living together since 2003 her mail was going to her mothers house.. she was collecting full payments and working full time and he was sitting on his ass collecting full payments.. when they moved up here they went in to change their address on different days.. and had a reciept of where they were staying in their own name.. she got busted for not declaring her correct income... had to pay it back... he went off to work first job ever since leaving school... which was 10 years before... she still collecting full payment.... he quit his job... went back onto payments for another 12months... until a friend of mine asked a favour from his friend and well.. uhmmmm they both all of a sudden had to get jobs..... im not saying there arent all honest people out there... i know of several mothers that are ripping the system off... just as i know more childless people ripping them off even more... if i had solid proof of them doing it i will nark them in too.. as i have told people who have the proof to do it . edit: another thing... yas b1tch about ya taxes paying for all these parents to sit at home raising kids..... but yet... everyone pays taxes ( GST) and i havent heard you complain about the $4grand baby bonus for every child born... or the $600 for every child in a family under the age of 16.... or the family tax benefits that every family gets.... at least the govt are starting to crack down o the limited time spent at home.... and yes there are always the ones that wait 4 years and pop out another one... well guess what... soon they will be too old to pop out anymore kids and they will eventually have to go to work.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

Truth or lies. Posted: 1/26/2008 8:13:30 PM
This way the child can have some ownership of the circumstance an an understanding instead of just nodding yes they understand when in fact they don't. kids and especially young kids wont understand the meaning of ownership of the circumstances when at hand... they wont understand it coz they havent experienced it themselves (ie we were friends and drifted apart etc..) they can only understand if they have experienced it or seen it happen for themselves.... so for them to understand something like that you have to draw from their own experiences as an example. i personally use examples of family and friends my son has witnessed himself.... or from movies and tv shows... but they (kids) truly wont be able to understand it until they have personally gone thru certain situations themselves. LOL. thanks Naamah... but sometimes the easiest answer is the simpliest... and for me i dont know is both... coz hell i know i dont know the answer to some of the things i get asked im being honest with him and telling him i honestly dont know i wish i did but i dont. even when his father is late i get the why is he late where is he... if i havent gotten a phone call saying i slept in im late... i just tell him well i dont know maybe he is stuck in traffic... and on thursday he asked if his father was coming book shopping with us and what time... i said he might have forgotten... he might be late lets just give it some time... if he doesnt turn up he has forgotten... and with my son living in fear of his father disappearing again... i just tell him lets take one weekend at a time. the person who wrote that article is one smart cookie.... coz those are the exact same things i have been doing and saying for years...lol.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

Truth or lies. Posted: 1/26/2008 4:37:18 PM
In theory I agree with this,but in reality I believe there are some things kids never need to know. done the same in my situation... there are just some things my little one doesnt need to know ever... like one day he asked me why daddy and i arent together anymore... to this i said well daddy didnt want to be with mummy anymore and we both thought it was best for mummy to move back to brisbane as mummy would be closer to her family and friends. little one then said.... so daddy didnt love me coz he sent you away?..... i said .....hunny i dont know what ya dad was thinking at the time... i cant answer that for you coz i dont know myself....its something you have to ask your father as hes the only one that can answer it. little one was ok with this.... as far as i know he has never asked his father.... i have spoken to his father about it and of course i got ripped another hole for telling somewhat of the truth..... so i said to my ex.. what did you want to to tell him.... that you were off chasing 18 year old virgins the moment i did fall pregnant.... told me to have an abortion.... kicked me out of my own house if i didnt ya would be bringing ya new 18 year old gf around and fuking her in my bed while ya make me sleep on the couch and told me it would be better if i not come home from seeing family at christmas.... and that you told me to tell him we gave it a try but we didnt work out when we didnt even give it a try.... i also went on to say if he knew full truth and at any age... it would crush him. so that is another reason why i say i dont know... when it is relation to his father.... as i dont want his father turning around and saying mummy lied to you this is what happened to make him look like the one that is hard done by ( which is what he does to get the poor you ) and the fact that my ex has told me he will do everything in his power to get our son to hate me and want nothing to do with me.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

puberty Posted: 1/25/2008 11:49:58 PM
maybe it is genetic??? i remember when i was about 7-8ish.... i was helping my mother put clothes away in my sisters dresser.... when putting undies away i saw the "surfboard" packet.... i asked my mother what it was and why i never had it in mine... she told me not to worry you will get to have them in your dresser when you turn 10 too. fair enough... when i was 10.. i got my period... by the start of grade 6 i got my first training bra (my birth month is august)....by the time i was starting grade 7 i was out of training bras and into normal supportive ones.... they stayed the same size until i gave birth and then they stayed that size. i also know a friends daughter that got her first period at 9 for a couple of months then stopped for 4 years before they came back again... the same thing had happened to her mum. i had asked my mother when she got them (period) and she said 10... so that means my mother, my sister and myself all got them at ten and started developing. but i have also noticed that chubbier kids (young kids under 8) seem to have developed even faster and have kidboobs (like man boobs) and even look at the boys... alot of them have manboobs... all due to being non active and the on the go not eating right lifestyle. so really it could be genetic... it could be due to lifestyle.... or it could be what has been put into our foods.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Truth or lies. Posted: 1/25/2008 10:03:18 PM
If they're not of that age where they can understand both sides and make a decision about it see there is no real truth when i this situation.... as the saying goes.... theres 3 sides to the story... hers his and the truth.... kids of any age arent gonna know what is the truth if they are only hearing one side of the story....hence why i dont answer any question to my little one in regards to his father... as i cant speak for him... i can only speak for myself... what kids see more so are the actions of both parents.... one parent is there and is their stability the other is not.... and that is what the truth is.... unless of course the kids were old enough to see the break down of the marriage/relationship between parents then they saw as to reason why for themselves. i know myself with my own parent experiences.... i saw what was going around me... i held onto a secret when i was 4 years old.. my parents split when i was turning 12.... i saw the break down.. i knew what my mother had done.... i have asked her as an adult why she has done it.... and she doesnt think she has done anything wrong and doesnt want to answer it.... so... i got my answer.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Truth or lies. Posted: 1/25/2008 9:47:29 PM
been in the same situation many times over the years with my little one..... it was so much better when his father lived in syd and i could just say.... you cant see daddy right now coz daddy lives very far away and its a plane ride to go see him.... got harder when his father moved up here and lived 5 mins away... was full on for 5 months then nothing for 3 years... as my son was 2.5years old then i knew i didnt want to lie to him... as they can come and bite ya right on the ass in due time.... so my answers were very simple..... sweetheart i dont know why daddy isnt seeing you as much as he use too... i dont know why he doesnt call you for your bday.... i dont know why he doesnt want to see you.... i dont know where he is living.... as he got a little older... the i dont knows turned into... i dont know .. maybe you can ask him yourself when you see him next....and im not gonna answer for your dad coz i dont know the answers best you ask him.... this all seemed to work as the pressure was off me as i didnt know why his father took the actions he did.... i still do i dont know.... and even now if our son ask something in relation to his father (recently started seeing him again)... i dont know... did you want to ring him and find out?.... 9 times out of 10 he would say no its ok. in all honesty.... you cant answer for the action of what ya kids father has done.... you dont know why he did or does it.... the best way to deal with it and to accept the i dont knows.... coz when in doubt and ya dont know the answer saying that is better then lying and finding out later you did lie to them.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

so whats so special about this guy? Posted: 1/23/2008 12:11:51 AM
i think you are talking about Heath Ledger.... the big deal about him im guessing is that he was one of australias most recognised actors in the past 10 years.... both abroad and here. although i didnt like most of his work... i did with out a doubt commend him in his role in Candy ( a very low budget australian movie) he did a few years ago.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

How to explain 3 year gap to future employers? Posted: 1/19/2008 6:03:33 AM
this is what has worked for me if i havent got on with my boss / supervisor... i simply just put down a co-worker as a reference.... as most of my bosses / supervisors i very rarely worked close with. when i have been sitting in an interview.. i have been honest told them what had happen and truthful say we parted on bad terms we didnt work close together on a daily bases so speaking to them (boss) would have a tarnished view of what i am capable of but i can give you references of people i did work close with on a daily bases that would be able to truthfully inform you of what i am capable of if you so wish to have them..... the interviewer has always appreciated that and was always willing to take a daily co-workers name and number. try it.... its always worked for me... just dont give the interviewer blow by blow of what happened.... simple and very short version. good luck.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 42 (view)

Where is the present for the dad? Posted: 1/16/2008 8:26:38 PM
Yapple... no need to say sorry for the way the father is.... i actually thanked him! I thanked him for giving me a wonderful son.... I thanked him for making me be a better mother.....I thanked him for showing me who i dont want to be with in the future....I also thanked him for having a melt down and admitting he has been horrible and that our son doesnt deserve a selfish self centered stupid father around. I have thanked him for alot of things. But I dont expect a thank you in return from him.... as I know I will never get it as i have never gotten anything off him from our son for mothers day (my first thing ever was from school last year)....I have accepted that and I have moved on from that. I however get thanked everyday by our son and having that thank you will always mean alot more then whatever words come out of his father mouth.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

New Relationship Trends? Posted: 1/16/2008 8:05:32 PM
funny you should mention christmas time Deb..... GF#1 and 2 had this happen to them within the same week and myself the following week... as for the guy that was in the 18month relationship... he had been married before they broke up 4 times got back together 4 times.... after the 4th time they realised it wasnt gonna work. for my other gf that is jealous of her ex moving on and living with someone yes that too came over the christmas new year break when she realised she still had strong feelings for her ex... but she is just remembering and admittedly saying the start of the relationship (honeymoon period) was just so wonderful and she wants that back as she is seeing the person she fell inlove with come back now he is with someone else.... being intimate with someone other then their ex wasnt these guys problem...so going with the comfty shoes situation i dont think came into it. i will admit i have gotten back with an ex.... we broke up due to my ex problems (sons father) i couldnt put him thru it and he couldnt bare to see me go thru it so the timing for us was not right... 2 years later we started hanging out and it just naturally happened... both were in good places in our lives.... but alas it didnt work out.... i know im not gonna go down that path again with him no matter how much i still care for him... so now i personally will not put myself into that position with anyone be it still hungup on an ex... or im having problems with sons father.... hence why i have chosen to stay single for so long coz i needed time for myself to sort my shit out.... and not drag someone else in when i know im not 100% positive im ready to go out there and meet new people. i guess another way to question it.... why do people go out and meet new people when they themselves truly know they arent ready to get into another relationship of some sort.?

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

New Relationship Trends? Posted: 1/16/2008 4:03:22 PM
Im seeing this trend more so with just bf/gf relationships... not as much married/separated. The one married example the wife wanted the divorce... the husband moved out the wife still had control over him... he met someone else and it was going great.. and the husband started standing up for himself and saying no....it was coming up to the 12month period the wife wanted to get back together within 3 days he went back but took 5 days to tell the person he was with.... I also do not understand my dad... my mother cheated he kicked her out... he filed for separation the next day 12months later filed for divorce... says he never wants to get married again and hasnt in the 20years... but in those 20years he puts up with alot of shit from these females which is worse then someone cheating on him... he tells them he is not happy.... they change lasts a few weeks and it starts all over again.... but he keeps going back for more. Have some men taken on the sensitive role that should have or that has been known as the females? As im seeing alot of them running straight back to the ex as soon as the ex clicks her fingers.

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

New Relationship Trends? Posted: 1/16/2008 3:44:47 PM
I dont know if it is the case of the grass is always greener.... these examples i gave the ex gf did wrong and it was the guy that broke up with them.... im not gonna go into the reasons as to why they broke up the first time but lets just say these ex gf's treated their bfs /husbands like a piece of dirt. I have other 2 examples... a guy i know was in a 18 month relationship.... loved her with all his heart... she treated him like shit and did things to him that no one should have to put up with.... he did break up with her.... he is trying so hard not to see her as she is not accepting the break up and still fukn with his head.... he has admitted to me that if he does see her he will get back with her and his life will be worse off then it was before. My ex has been with this mole (i cant stand her..lol.) for 4 years.... they have broken up many times in that time.... 2 clean breaks when they moved up here where she left and went back to syd... each time he paid for her to go.... and within a couple of weeks to a couple of months she is back to which he also paid for.... her last reason for break up was she wanted to move back to syd when my ex was starting arrangements to see our son again ( she is the reason why my ex never saw our son for 3 years he had to choose and picked her)... now he knows what she has done...he knows what she is like.... but he was still willing to take her back with the risk of her starting her crap again (which she has and he has told me that she is ok with him seeing our son if it is not often... and is ok with overnight visits coz he has his own bedroom but there are rules for our son and our son doesnt like her).... I do not want him back (been 6 years why would i ) so there is no jealously going on...he just needs to grow some balls and tell her to accept and respect that our son and i are apart of his life. One ex of mine told me he got back into an abusive relationship with his ex as it was a habit.... and he didnt like being out of his comfort zone... he knew what it was like... and was willing to put up with it..... but she only wanted to get back with him once she found out he was living with me. mind you my father is the same ... for years i have been telling him why are you doing this to yourself... the company is not that needed when ya sitting here b!tching and moaning about how horrible this person is... actually hes got 3 going at once at the moment so its triple annoying...lol I know guys do this too to chicks... but it is becoming apparent that the roles are becoming reversed and its the guy that keeps going back for more willing knowing what could happen again... Could the getting back with the ex within the first 6-12months be the rebound relationship?.. or are the ex's jealous that they have moved on and have met someone else? (one of my gf's has openly admitted she wants her ex back coz he has moved on and is living with her).. or is it if i cant have you no one else can?.... or is it that males are becoming the weaker gender and not wearing the pants in the relationship anymore?

nunthewiser

Joined: 4/12/2005

Msg: 40 (view)

Where is the present for the dad? Posted: 1/16/2008 6:23:54 AM
thanks for the laughs.... reminds me of when i was in labour with my son... my water broke in bed and my ex didnt get up until 3 hours later... he said he needed the rest... he later messaged mutual friends ( in syd) that i went into labour....once at the hospital he would go and get himself something to eat and not ask me if i wanted anything... meanwhile still talking to mutual friends when he was out and complaining it was taking forever! once it was time he half assed helped wouldnt let me hold our son for 30mins (granted 15mins of that i was getting stitched back up) he went to the pub with my mother and sister for a drink... won 800 bucks on the pokies.. my mother had to force him to buy a carseat to bring the baby back home....the whole time he was at the hospital he wouldnt let me hold our son and got the shits when i had to try and feed him.... all the presents were for our son and my ex bought something for himself.... everyone praised him on becoming a dad... for 18 days the only time i got to hold our son was to bath, change nappies, feed and put him bed.... meanwhile hes still getting praised for having a son and becoming a dad... it wasnt until our son was 3 weeks old that i actually bonded with him.... as my ex went back to syd.... then at 6 weeks he demanded i fly down with new born so he could see him.... while there he did nothing for our son... even when we were to take turns still did nothing.... his excuse... your the mother its your job to do stuff like that.... 5.5years on.... hes still taking praise for having a son... and credit on how well our son has turned out considering he only spent 10 months the first 2 years (on and off) with him then nothing for 3 years... and has only just started seeing our son again.... and ya know what is the funniest part... my ex expects it and demands it.... granted he is a ok father now that our son can wipe his own ass and semi look after himself and he is never alone with him (always has someone else around)... but he would never do it when he could....where as i dont expect praise or credit for our son as im just doing what every mother would do to help guide and raise their kids on the right path of life... but a thank you doesnt go astray every once in awhile and i think alot of mothers would be happy with just that.( and vice versa for the fathers that had the mother that wasnt so motherly)

Show ALL Forums