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Thread: The smell of her perfume

Joined: 8/12/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

The smell of her perfume Posted: 9/12/2007 7:49:49 AM
Maybe it's and 80's thing. I also like musky perfumns. However, my favorite always was and always will be Obsession. Drives me nuts.

Joined: 8/12/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Rejection Lines Given By Women And What They Mean Posted: 9/11/2007 4:19:13 PM
LOL these are all good. Here is one I, personally, have heard before. "You would be soooooo perfect if only you were Mormon." Heh! Utah and all. That one makes me giggle.

Joined: 8/12/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

Anyone miss sex with their ex? Posted: 9/3/2007 7:40:47 PM
God no! 100%hetero here, and I would sooner sleep with her new hubby than her. Nope, don't miss it.

Joined: 8/12/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

Best Beer Names Ever Posted: 8/30/2007 9:47:15 PM
Utah has a microbrewary. They make "Polygamy Porter." Slogan is "Why Just Stop At One?"

Joined: 8/12/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

On the subject of personality profiles, and compatability Posted: 8/24/2007 1:04:33 PM
I have taken the Myers Briggs test many times. Says I am an INFP. Fits me to a tee I might add. Says my likely personality matches are ESTJs and ESFJs. Every significant relationsip I have had (and most of the insignificant ones as well) has been one or the other of these two personality types. Gotta say, I tend to gravitate to these two types. Gotta say, so far it is not working. What initially attracts within 4 months.......not so much. Type Schmype! These tests only illuminate how people process and who we attract and are attracted to. Going against type sounds good to me right now.

Joined: 8/12/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

Quality Communication Posted: 8/24/2007 10:49:17 AM
In regard to males not being good communicators: I will get flamed here, I know, but I have a few things to say about this. It seems on this board in "the real world" that many people believe women are better communicators than men. My experience has been that this simply is not the case. I do believe that women are more verbal than men. That seems evident to me. To say that because of this, women are better at communication is a quantom leap. In about 50% of the relationships I have seen where communication is an issue, it truely is the man's fault. There really are poor male communicators. However, in 50% of the relationships I have seen, the man is really quite good at communication. In these cases, it's the woman's fault. Being able to verbalize your thoughts, dreams, hopes and fears is only the first step in communication. Being good at that does not neccesarily make you a good communicator. Listening, truely listening, is equally, if not more important the verbalizing. Women do not have the market on this. Neither do men. Worst relationship book ever written is Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus. That book is filled with such clap trap, that it is barely readable. It does, tho, point out what we all know. We speak different languages. Being verbal in in Greek, does not always help you in communicating with someone who speaks Chinese. Listening is far more important, I think, in communication. Many guys are a closed book. This is true. But also, many women are a brick wall where communication simply does not work. Fact of the matter (in my experience) is that both women and men suck at communication. Women are no better at it then men. We both sometimes fail. In relationships....sometimes you can have the best communication in the world and still be on a down hill course. And sometimes you can have lousy communication and still have a quality partnership. As important to communication is a fit in what she wants, needs and expects as well as what he wants, needs and expects. Important is your partner's ability to assist you in feeling loved as you (and sometimes only you) desire. Communication is very extremely import. It does not, however, trump being on the same page as to how you want to be loved. Comments? anyone want to lob gratis rotten tomatos at me?

Joined: 8/12/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

sex and dating Posted: 8/23/2007 10:32:16 PM
I agree with SweetlilNative. Drawthe line and end it if it keeps being an issue.

Joined: 8/12/2007

Msg: 802 (view)

heard this one Posted: 8/22/2007 6:23:50 PM
Q: How many freudian analysts does it take to change a lightbub? A: Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to hold the penis....er...ladder.

Joined: 8/12/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Just like a woman Posted: 8/21/2007 8:23:31 PM
Actually, my only purpose with this post was to get some perspective on the original "complaint" of being like a woman when it comes to sex. Actually, I am laughing about it now. The visuals are too funny. I still don't think many of the things she was angry about were----angeryable, but I think I know where she was coming from. In her defense, she was very smart, very pretty and very talented. She has plenty to offer and deserves to be happy. I hope she finds it. The relationship did end, as well it should. I simply could not offer her what she needed to feel loved. And it worked in reverse too. She could not give me what I needed. Communication was not the issue. Well...............on a deeper level, we both could have clarified a little more. That said, clarification would not have helped. I would say apples and oranges, but that would quite cover it. Oil and water. Weird how two people could have such similar experiences and yet have such different needs. Thanks for the feedback all. Sure I'll post again.

Joined: 8/12/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Just like a woman Posted: 8/21/2007 5:03:19 PM
Not defensive here, but the conversation did go down like that. I did say, "I thought I told you." The reality is this: I shared dang near everything with her. Extremely verbal and communicative here. (Can't you tell by the length of my posts? HEH!) She knew everything about my life, my hopes and my desires. We daily did talk about our respective days. She knew everything about my daily life. I talked til I was blue in the face. We saw each other for a year and two months. If we were not together on a particular day, I called her every day we were apart. I called her like clockwork. These phone conversations when I called her were averaging one hour each. We--male social workers--tend to do that. We vomit up everything. There could not have been anything else I could have shared with her. With the exception of two days out of one year and two months, there was never a time we talked less than an hour a day. There was one instance where I simply forgot to tell her something, and the response was decidely over the top. (If it helps clarify, I didn't tell grandma about soccer either.) Soccer is not the same as a child driving three days to vist. Its not the same as karate with a year long class and money committment. Its eight games. It honestly did not register to me. And i told her this. She did not say, "Oh I did not know that the kids were in soccer...came I come?" It was instant WWWIII. No proportion to the reaction. So I clarified. Told her I simply forgot and had thought I had mentioned it to her. Would she like to come to a game and so forth. The night in question (of the original post) was one week after the soccer discussion and she was still fuming about it. I understand communication is important. I understand women and men communicate differently. But with this event, truely there was no sense of proportion. After two hours of trying to process this with her, I eventually gave up. If she was not going to deescalate after a two hour hash session over the event (My forgetting it) and not deescalated after a weeks time to cool down.....what do you do? I gave up trying even to fix it. where do you draw the line and say we have hashed this out enough? When is enough? There are only a few ways to say "I am disappointed. or "I understand." When do you say enough...lets move on or break up? "She might have continued to be in a snit but that would have likely been the end of it." It wasn't. A week and she was still fuming despite my explanations. Again No proportion. As for the waiting before jumping in the sack. You have me there. I concede you are correct. We did that too soon. But it is what it was. I agree with you though. However, I thought I mentioned that I was the one saying....not now...things are amiss in the relationship. And for that, I was branded "Female." OK that one was defensive. But that particular barb has now lost it sting, thanks to a little perspective. For a counselor, I need to get a grip? Undoubtably! Thanks for the feedback!

Joined: 8/12/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Just like a woman Posted: 8/21/2007 3:37:51 PM
Yeah, it was one more insult and one more complaint. The castration comment was funny and apropo. Had not thought about it in those terms but it (her comment) really was an attempt to emasculate me. The relationship has since ended, but I kept returning to that comment. I will no longer. Nothing like fear of loosing your boys to redirect your thought process. I tend to attract VERY extraverted, very manic (tho not extremely manic) dynamic women. Within four months, these women I attract and am attracted to all get it figured out, they can not control me. Not a drunk, not a druggie, dress reasonably well, finacially stable....but it is always something. The fight in question (the reason she was so mad that night) was over me forgetting to tell her my kids were in soccer. She was VERY mad cause she thought she had a right to know. Well........I don't know about 'right' but i simply forgot to tell her. Not a big deal. Soccer is not a lifetime commitement. Its eight games and a photo op. Three weeks in to the eight week gig, and I tell her I have a game I am going to. "When did they get in soccer?" And we are off and running in a world war three fight. Apparently, I didn't want to share my life because I forgot to mention eight games and a photo op. In my defense, I just didn't think about it. That was not about her feeling left out. It was a power move on her part. She could have just said "Cool...can I come?" I would have loved it. But nopers. I'm the ***hole. And she was fuming when I came over on the night in question. The previous relationship was good in many ways. It also was doomed. It was marked by her frustration....intense frustration over things related to power and control. When she did not get total control and domination, she became angry with me. She wanted to "hold all the cards" in the relationship. And when she could not, a crisis was produced or manufacted about why I had failed her. I know mellow women are out there. I know there are women out there who don't try to emasculate or demean their men simply because they will not turn over their checkbook and say "how high?" when asked to jump. But boy are my blinders on. Gotta get a new set of googles. That is something I really need to work on. Not weiner whining here. I am mildly amused by my choices. And more than a little interested in dating someone different. Her comment really bothered me. WAY TOO MUCH. But the castration reply put it in perspective. Kinda funny now. Oh well......... mellow women of the world...."I'm lookin for ya."

Joined: 8/12/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Just like a woman Posted: 8/21/2007 12:01:09 PM
pooping..... hehehe spell check? We don't need no stinkin spell check. pooping actually fits better than popping anyway. Actually we broke up shortly after. Too much work over the "little things." Don't know why that particular question keeps coming back to me. good comment about the castration. you are correct. I will grab my balls and securely tuck them back in my BVDs. Thanks! very helpful! Relationships.........God, who needs SoDuko? As for myself, gotta go against type and date women who are mellow. Think that will help. heh!

Joined: 8/12/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Just like a woman Posted: 8/21/2007 11:53:13 AM
Yeah I have thought that too. I thought maybe she was thinking I was "punishing her" for being mad. No such thought entered my brain. I just didn't want to. Wasn't in the mood. Why have relations with a cold fish. Not so much a turn on. This I know: guys have an on/off switch when it comes to sex. Easy on, easy off. But really, I was thinking "No, actually I am good. Not so much in the mood right now." And she comes off with (From my male---albiet male social worker mode) a global complaint about my personality. So i geuss I am just kinda asking, is it normal for other guys in cold-as-ice situations to say "Nope, I am good." Do women really see that as a bad thing?

Joined: 8/12/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Just like a woman Posted: 8/21/2007 11:39:55 AM
No self pity here, but I had a curious experience needing some explaining. Recent GF was very upset one night. She was upset with me over reasons I will not get in to. Reasons I was confused by. I was the source of her distress, tho I believe her reasons were not worthy of getting mad over. Little (and I mean little) things having to do with power and control. She was a "cold fish" the whole night. She barely spoke and made little eye contact. She was totally uninvested in my being there. Towards the end of the evening, and after three hours of non-interaction, she said "Let's go have sex." My response was "I don't want to have sex right now." "Why?" "Because you are mad with me." DIRECT QUOTE: "God you are just like a woman when it comes to sex!" I have no idea what to do with that. I had no response. Maybe I am weird (for a guy) but every guy I know has to have SOME connection. There is a myth (I think) that guys will bang anyone in a skirt. To be sure, there are. But what the hell? I like sex as much as the next bloke, but what the hell? What do you do with a comment like that? So I guess I am looking for feedback. 1. Jesus, I don't think I am, but am I "just like a woman when it comes to sex?" Only because I don't wanna "trip the light fantastic" when a woman is mad with me or being fairly untoward? 2. If I am (Stereotypes aside) "like a woman when it comes to sex", is that a bad thing? What would others do with a comment like that? Is that even a fairly normal comment? My biggest question obviously is "what the hell? I have asked it several times already I see. But what does that comment even mean?" That question keeps pooping up in my thoughts at the strangest times. Thanks for the input.

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