feeling odd about this... chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: feeling odd about this...

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

feeling odd about this... Posted: 11/8/2009 1:56:25 AM
No, not at all. Kudos for getting out there and taking the opportunities to date. You're not attached to anyone, yet. Dating is dating. No man sluttyness worries. Have fun and good luck!

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

To ask her or not to ask her Posted: 11/8/2009 1:52:13 AM
Be careful and wait for a bit. There's nothing worse than being the sloppy seconds and you certainly don't want to be that! Keep your connection mellow for now. She might have some personal things to sort out for herself first, before she decides to jump into another relationship. (Good luck on your career....we need good teachers!)

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

need womanly advise please Posted: 11/8/2009 1:42:42 AM
What's up with the divorce, first of all? You moved out so that you could become closer? There is something very wrong with that picture. Move on. She doesn't want anything to do with you now. Hard as it may be for you, you can't force someone to love and want you. Bonnie Rait song...."I can't make you love me if you don't, you can't make your heart feel something it won't......." Enjoy your life now with your children. They'll be gone before you know it. And time spent with them certainly can't be replaced.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Why do girls tell you one thing but do another.... Posted: 10/29/2009 9:53:50 PM
Given what you've shared about her...makes me wonder what you find so attractive; there appears to be a lack of authenticity. Do you really have time in your life for that? Do you believe that you deserve better than this? Best of luck to you!

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

im confused Posted: 10/29/2009 9:47:57 PM
Well, you've split up. She is the one that made the choice. You seem to be trying to move on. Keep it that way. Don't worry about 'why' she isn't responding to your text. Take care of yourself and go have some fun. You didn't say how long the both of you were together = not meaning to be rude, it doesn't sound as if you're all busted up over the split. Best of luck to you.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

conversation after the first date Posted: 10/24/2009 9:53:30 PM
It could be that she was being polite, even though she might not have been interested. Hard to tell...there could be any number of reasons why she's not responding now. You'll have to decide if you want to keep pursuing this. If so, give her some time. Ask her out again and see what happens. You'll get your answer {that is, if she replies.} If she doesn't, there you go! Move on and keep fishing.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

i just want to kiss you.......all night long !!! RIGHT................... Posted: 10/17/2009 12:35:41 AM
Be smart. Be safe. You can meet him but do it in a place that's public. Get to know him in person, first. After reading your profile, you talk about not wanting to be single sleeping in a double bed....well, he's probably read that and is wanting to oblige you. Let him be 'offended'....if you mean enough to him, he'll respect your choice of where you want to stay. It should be within your control, not his. I'm sure he'll be reading all of this, if he hasn't done so all ready.....since you met him on this site to begin with.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

The Two-Pronged or Three-Pronged Dinner Approach. Posted: 10/17/2009 12:20:14 AM
Hmmmmm....I would prefer drinks and appetizers at the same place I'm eating my dinner. But, going to a perfect place for a perfect dessert afterwards, would be a huge plus in my book. {I loveeeeeeiiiieeeee desserts.}

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

33 and divorced. Missed the entire dating scene. Any tips?? Help! Posted: 10/17/2009 12:10:12 AM
Maybe start with your interests. I see you love to travel, bike, music.... Are there any social, interest groups in your area that you can become involved in? Interests that match your own? Go to your local book store and hit the travel section (I love to do that just to look at books of places I want to go to.) I meet all kinds of people doing the same thing and we end up talking about places we've been, etc. If you meet someone that you've all ready identified as having a same interest, it's a good first step. You have something similar to talk about. It becomes a more comfortable dating experience. You have to first, be willing to put yourself out there and take the chances, the opportunities, as well as the risks. Go out with friends....enlarge your circle of acquaintances and become involved in what's going on outside in your community. This is a good starting place.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

What do i do Posted: 10/16/2009 11:56:21 PM
Well, it depends. Does she live within driving distance? Call her up and ask her out on a date. It might be time to meet her, don't you think? If there's a longer distance, you'll have to figure that one out. I got a little uneasy when I read that you always cheer her up when she's feeling sad......it sounds as if you are her go to person for comfort. Be careful. Think about what you want from this new relationship and start talking to her about that. What is it that she wants? You need to communicate together, about this and possible next steps.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

What is it about chivalry? Posted: 10/16/2009 11:51:29 PM
Chivalry, for me, is the demonstration of respect....which can be shown in many ways, shapes and forms.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

She's confusing Posted: 10/16/2009 11:48:54 PM
I agree with what Cowboy has to say. To be honest, if a woman is interested, they'll be there. Maybe not within hours or even a couple of days...but she'll eventually respond. People have their lives and you need to give them that space. Don't call her. Overkill. Big time. If you don't hear back from her within a day or two, I'd let it go and move on. Best of luck to you.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

How do you get back to dating world? Posted: 10/16/2009 11:44:30 PM
One step at a time. Give yourself a chance. The only way to go about it is to get yourself out there and begin to take the steps, the risks. The more you do this, the better you will become at it. Practice.....brings along confidence and hopefully {improved} style to the dating game. Best of luck to you!

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Asking women out while they're at work. Okay or not okay? Posted: 10/16/2009 11:40:17 PM
If you are that attracted to a woman, then just do it. Your approach will depend upon the setting. Just be sensitive to that; figure out a way to ask her out, get her phone number....that is appropriate to where she is and what else is going on. Example: a woman working at a Starbucks...ask her to also write down her phone number on that cup of coffee you've just ordered. Simple. Best of luck to you.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

What to do when you seem 'intimidating' on first meet Posted: 10/16/2009 11:34:52 PM
I would say that if you all ready know this of yourself and acknowledge that it can pose as a barrier, then you are able to do something about it. Be a listener. Use your words carefully when you do speak up. Allow others to 'shine'. This can create an entirely different presence...working towards even, humbleness. Do you think you might be coming across as more than intimidating? Could it be that what you project is 'beyond' the 'much smarter and wittier than the average guy'. An example of this would be listening to someone who is not able to make the typical, everyday connections during conversations. I know someone like this. We all stop and listen to what he's saying = and then it's like, "huh".....unable to quite grasp his line of thought. It's really really easy to like him, it's just not easy to understand and follow his thinking. That creates a barrier in of itself. It's hard to know how to respond to him; so many times, we just smile and continue with whatever else is going on. Regarding your eyes issue....shades. That ought to do it.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

I don't know why I even bother............. Posted: 10/10/2009 8:55:39 PM
Hi Greg. Maybe she's just not a Cubs fan.... seriously though, it sounds as if she is enjoying herself and is keeping things at the fun and entertainment level. She's seeing someone. That says it all. I would like to suggest that you take time to think about what you are willing to accept. You've used the words, "platonic" and "goodwill for each other". That about describes my sense of what's going on. Move forward. Go have some fun and enjoy your life.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

When to ask a girl out? Posted: 10/10/2009 8:49:01 PM
Hi Jason. You have nothing to lose! Ask her out now. (BTW, love the picture of you and the nephew in the snow...you have a beautiful smile....ask her out....meet her....and smile....that should do it!! *: )

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

How to rekindle an old flame Posted: 10/10/2009 8:44:49 PM
You believe that if you can just sit down and talk about the old times, you'd fall in love all over again. I would suggest that you give some serious thought as to the good memories - you have 3 years of them. It's perfectly normal to have very strong feelings and memories of a fist love. There's something very different about that first relationship that will never go away. I am wondering how reading the status on Facebook, can impact how you feel. She hasn't responded in any type of expanded conversation, which is what you are looking for. Asking a friend of hers to talk to her is what I would expect from someone in high school. You know this girl. It's not like she's someone you've just met. If it's all that important to you, take the chance and talk to her. No emails, no facebook.... By the way, who broke up with whom, way back then? Depending upon what happened, she may not want to engage in anything more than a brief facebook response. I hate to say it, but it sounds as if you are building a brighter, future memory, for the two of you; and you are going there all by yourself. Be careful and think clearly.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Need advice Posted: 10/10/2009 8:30:21 PM
Hi Andy. Honestly, you need to allow her to get her life together. She may be a wonderful woman, but she is carrying around a large suitcase right now. It's a lot more than " some personal problems". Do you really want to take that on? Listen to your own gut feeling.....you are worried about the right thing. You're best bet is to move on {even though you haven't really started to go anywhere yet, with her. Best of luck to you.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Just a question Posted: 10/10/2009 8:25:35 PM
I agree with the above responses. Even {if} there's something for the both of you down the road, she's not interested right now. You need to respect that. If she wanted to be with you, there would be little, keeping her away. My advise is to take care of yourself, go out and have some fun and enjoy your life!

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Please Help! I'm lost Posted: 9/9/2009 9:23:40 PM
Do what you feel you need to do for yourself. You shouldn't be judged by anyone because of being attracted to somebody. Don't worry about your friends. If it ruins your friendship with them, then they aren't really friends, after all. (I'm not asking why they all hate her....that could make a difference. I mean, if she's disliked because of how she treats others... or something like that).

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

How to talk to the cute girl that works at the coffeeshop Posted: 9/9/2009 9:19:37 PM
"May I have a tall late with an extra shot of espresso, and please, jot down your phone number on the side of the cup for me." *: )

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

OMG, I'm embarrassed and dont know how to handle this.... Posted: 9/9/2009 9:16:40 PM
Smile anyway and shine those pearly whites. You can say something about it....I'd be happy to know that you take care of your teeth well. There are many, who do not. Smile away!!!!!!!!!!!!

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Lady friend that wants to be more Posted: 9/7/2009 9:37:11 PM
The best bet here, is to be up front and honest with her. She is not considering your emotional 'space' nor is she being private {any more} about it. I would say that she's a hands-off mess. She's engaged and is acting as if she's on the prowl for a new man. Shame. Tell her like it is. Don't mince words. Be frank and honest. Chances are, she'll not speak to you again. But really, is this someone you want to have in your life....acting this was along with an engagement ring on her finger?

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Stonewalled, what's going on ? Posted: 9/7/2009 9:31:59 PM
Bottom line is, if she is interested in you, she'd be waiting for that next phone call or text, and/or she'd be contacting you. It's not happening. It sounds as if she's just not into you. Unfortunately, she's not communicating the 'why's' to you which is understandably, frustrating. Go figure out a woman that you can't figure out. Very difficult and probably a waste of your time. Sorry this happened, but, move along and stay positive. There's something and someone better out there for you. This one wasn't meant to be. Best of luck!

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Creepy or not creepy? Posted: 9/7/2009 7:50:30 PM
Don't leave a note on her car..... Why not figure out a way to actually speak with her in person, possibly when she's out walking her dog. Do you have a dog? That could be a 'dog walking' meet. Other than that, a good start might be to just say "hello" next time you see her out and about. Then follow it up with a mention about seeing her all the time with her dog...etc.... Getting a note on my car would creep me out just a bit.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

She backed off from seeing me so I stopped seeing her completely because I will not deal with a girl Posted: 9/7/2009 12:45:52 PM
It's been a year later and you're asking if you should drop her for good? Didn't that already happen? You just said you will not wait for a girl....answered your own question here.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

how to express a girl you wanna Make Love with her? Posted: 9/7/2009 11:55:50 AM
You will know when the time arrives. Every fiber in your body and hers, will be in sync with it. You just have to be aware of not just how you feel, but how she feels as well. Ask...and there are many ways to do that. A touch. A whisper. Nothing you can plan for. But something you can certainly practice safely, none the less.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

If a girl hits on you, does that mean she's interested? Posted: 9/6/2009 1:25:39 AM
Which color brick do you prefer to have thrown at you?

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

long distance relationships? Posted: 9/5/2009 12:08:45 AM
Hey Steve Guy... well, I would tell you that, yes, she does exist for you. It takes more from both, to make a {frequent} long distance relationship work. Trust, of course, has to be there. But, isn't this a necessary part of any relationship, regardless of distance or time away? It's the same whether 5 miles or 500 miles. The more difficult piece is how to manage the time apart, emotionally. The inability to handle and cope with that, is directly related to the issue of trusting each other. It takes a strong heart. It can be very difficult. It's not easy nor something everyone is willing to involve themselves in. But I can pretty much guarantee you that there is some lovely lady out there for you; it will happen.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Online obsesssion - long dist rela Posted: 9/4/2009 11:53:47 PM
He knows she cant go to the other country w/o a visa. So he is keeping them apart. It's pretty easy to get a visa to most countries, even if for a short term of 3 months as a tourist. Geesh, even China....restrictions vary but I don't think you have to enter a country on a 'fiancee visa'. That in itself, can be much more difficult. Her family totally against all this. And she refuses to recognize that it all stems from the relationship w this man. I would suggest that it is not all stemming from this man. There just might be something, initially, lacking within her own marriage.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Am I being selfish??? Posted: 9/4/2009 11:35:49 PM
You've become her confidant....for what it's worth. It sounds as if you've enabled this to happen and now you're stuck. You've only been with her for 2 or 3 weeks (that's days, not months). You have to start somewhere in curbing her habit if you intend to have any kind of future with this woman. To be honest, the fact that she's already getting upset when you have to end (her) phone conversations is a red flag. The fact that she is of a personality that complains and vents a lot is a bigger red flag. I'd really think twice about this one.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Is my Skin my Sin? (Interracial Dating Thoughts) Posted: 9/4/2009 12:11:06 AM
I like to think of myself as being open and accepting, as well as a part of the human race. Our differences to me = unity with diversity. But.....there is something, something about men with dark skin; I am much more attracted to them, visually, as compared to light colored skin. I don't know why. I can't explain it. It just is. Just beautiful. Honestly, who I marry has absolutely nothing to do with skin color. I wouldn't think twice about it and it would never be a barrier for me. I know this of myself. Being physically attracted to someone is just human nature. We all have our preferences and they are as different as the mountains are to the sea. The initial attraction for me, blends with the other important aspects of a person; his heart and mind. They both need to be 'beautiful'. This surpasses the physical.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

SLAMMED!!! Generically Speaking.... Posted: 9/3/2009 11:57:27 PM
A photograph is nice to see however, it's not a make it or break it with me. I enjoy reading others' profiles and can usually find something to connect their post (and my response) to. This takes more time, and more thought, compared to being absolutely reactive. I wouldn't stress over it....someone's bound to give you a good 'jab' on content rather than no photograph, once in a while. It's all good! Best wishes.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Confusion Corner Posted: 8/30/2009 10:01:37 PM
All right....since you are asking.....I will be blunt. You need to ratchet up your profile. It is lacking a lot. If you want girls to notice you, you have to 'sell' yourself through what you present. It's a one shot deal. Take it over to the Profile Review Forum and you'll get some good help there. If a girl is interested in you, she'll engage in a conversation with more than just her words. Eyes will tell you a lot. Body language. Information that she shares with you. There will be a sense of being ease and level of comfortableness. I've read over and over again the past few years, mens' advice to men on AAG. I see a lot of: just go out there. Be yourself, be approachable, don't hold back, take the opportunities as they come; put yourself out there. It's practice as well. As you do so, experience will help you improve. You need to be out and about...don't hang all of your hopes on a website such as this. Best bet is to be face-to-face at this point in time. Best of luck to you Alvaire.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

I am confused, please tell me why Posted: 8/30/2009 9:54:54 PM
I'm wondering if your first date was a bit too much....she went along with you and enjoyed herself however, it could be this is why she says you like her too much. Maybe it was too fast (you don't have to have sex or be intimate to get that impression by the way.) I'm not sure how much I'd be sharing with a first date either (personal secrets.) Like the song...slow down, you move to fast.... That's my suggestion.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Relationship mentality and getting over the first bf Posted: 8/30/2009 9:47:24 PM
Well, frankly, it's because she has a boyfriend....she won't 'transition' to the new guy. It isn't that simple nor is it that emotionally easy. You can't do anything to speed up the process. It's not on your time clock, it's on hers. It's also your 'assumptions' that drive your thinking this way. She may not see things at all, like you do, about her present relationship.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Thinking Spain, Greece, and Thailand... Suggestions? Posted: 8/30/2009 8:59:25 PM
I took half the year off last year and spent my entire summer in Greece (an amazingly beautiful country) and also time in Spain. Both, I highly recommend. Any questions, feel free to send me a message. Go, go, go! Do it now, while you are able to. Don't wait for the 'golden years'. Hell, these are my golden years!

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

too cute? wtf lol Posted: 8/30/2009 8:55:20 PM
It just means they think you're cute. Don't over analyze!! So, be cute. That's all there is to it. It's a lot better than being told you are seriously lacking in the looks department. And CrumblePie.....that is the damndest picture of you and a chipmunk. Got to love it!

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

hemp necklaces Posted: 8/30/2009 8:50:26 PM
It depends upon the age... A kid in high school, yeah to wearing a hemp necklace...and no to thinking they'd have to be a toker. It's a high schoolish looking thing. Anyone else out of that age range....no to wearing a hemp anything around the neck ...and no to assuming they must smoke pot.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

what do i do 2 find out what she wants? Posted: 8/30/2009 8:25:55 PM
Be careful in how you approach this. First take can be intoxicating. Get to know her and do take your time. She is telling you that she want to take it slow. That is a clear, understandable request. She doesn't trust you yet.!!! Give her time, will you? Maybe she is saying this because you are feeling the way you do so early on and she senses it. That's the best way to drive someone in the other direction. If you feel you have something that's special, then, it is well worth your taking it slowly and allowing things to develop and evolve. What's the rush anyway?

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Attracting the wrong kind Posted: 8/30/2009 8:20:26 PM
Hmmmm...well, I'm wondering what age range of women you are speaking about. Close to your own? I think that maybe, you'll just have to roll with it until you do meet that woman who you're attracted to and who is individually confident and looking for your type. The saying, 'you have to kiss a lot of frogs' works both ways. It only takes one, 'the one' to walk into your pathway. Opportunities are to be taken. You won't know, until you take a little time to find out. If she is a desperate woman, then, move on.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

I know very many things in life are really subjective, but ... Posted: 8/28/2009 10:41:04 PM
He might be interesting to me if there are other things about him that I'm attracted to. It takes more than what you've stated to turn my attention towards a man. Strangers don't know you, nor your past history, and are in a position to be less judgmental, etc. There's less of a risk for you to share your stories, your life, among other things, with a 'new' contact.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Need some advise on a new relationship / thing Posted: 8/19/2009 11:37:02 PM
Oh, dear! You certainly have something to be concerned about other than feeling that she's one in a lifetime. You are feeling all of these emotions; you're ready to get yourself back into a relationship. Think back to 1.5 years ago when you were in your messed up relationship. Would you have been ready to get involved with another woman so soon, yourself? You're ready now. She's not. I'd suggest you really sit and have a discussion with her about how you feel (keep it unthreatening) and then step away from the sex and give her space as she needs it. You'll have to be the stronger one given her emotional baggage right now. Be there, but give her time. Right now, you are her comfort pillow, friend, and crutch. This isn't to say that something more significant might come along between the two of you.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

moods.. Posted: 8/19/2009 11:20:03 PM
It's called PMS.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

A Walk in the Park Posted: 8/8/2009 10:41:00 PM
Maybe asking to go for a walk in the park is a start. I'm lucky....we have a most beautiful, gorgeous park that sways along the edge of the ocean. It's beautiful to go there day or night, for walks. Why does it have to be a park? After dinner, take a walk through the town, down the main street; a casual stroll would be alright. Going for a bike ride would be fun, but he'd have trouble keeping up with me.....

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Are you put off by too wide an age range? Posted: 8/8/2009 10:05:21 PM
What you feel comfortable with is what's important. Don't worry about anyone else and/or what others think. It's your choice, your life. God forbid if I shared the age(s) of men I've been attracted to and spent time with......because, you know..... I am so old and decrepit. {BTW, your photos are good and the wall painting! So unusual.} Best of luck to you.

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

You get her # thru POF email,when do you call? Posted: 8/8/2009 9:51:06 PM
She gave you her number. Need I say more?

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Why do I have to be a douchebag? Posted: 8/8/2009 9:49:32 PM
I'm perplexed why you would even want to present yourself as an a$$hole....to get a girl. It would seem to me that any woman who responds to that type of treatment or behavior from a man, is lacking much, herself. If you're looking for someone who will admire and respect the 'authentic' you minus the 'a$$hole' that you feel you have to be, then you'll probably have to rethink your relationship priorities. If hooking up is all that's needed, then, whatever works, works. If you're seeking something more than surface through dating, then you'll have to give it time {w/o the dbag.} Basically, if you believe that being an a$$hole is core to your personality and that's just how you are, {take it or leave it} then the girl that falls for you is good to go. She likes a$$holes. If that's not who you really are inside, then my suggestion would be to not give out that impression and let girl(s) see and admire the real you. {Hope that makes sense.}

lovelytonou

Joined: 8/18/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Do you mind your SO talking to others about your relationship? Posted: 8/2/2009 7:41:04 PM
Hmmmmmmm, well, I'm a very private person and there are only a very few that I'll ever share my personal information with; particularly related to relationships. I think that some women like to have the 'hot topic' going on and many times, that revolves around who they're dating, etc.....I call it tabloid talk. To me, there's a huge difference between talking about last night's dinner date {the restaurant, food, more casual/general points} compared to what's done afterwards at the apartment. No, no, no.....to the more personal things. I'm just not comfortable with that; both sharing and listening to it.

Show ALL Forums