And most survivors when they brake up a relationship and use their past sexual abuse as a reason, are not trying to get out of the relationship guilt free well you can’t be mad at me I’m a victim. It usually is the truth something has come up from what happens that makes us bad relationship material at that time, and because of what happened or despite in myself and most the women I know don’t think that the man they are with should have to deal with our dysfunction so we let him go.

No one is saying here that the guy doesn't want to use the creams or gels. Hell, he does. It's her that doesn't want to use them. From what my friend told me she had "female surgery" in that area and it's affected her ability to stay wet. She can get wet but staying we for the whole time is an issue. He'll even get the lube/gel and put it beside the bed just in case but then when the time comes she's done and wants to get on teh off ramp. He cares about her and their sex life and he's talked to her about it but she's the hold out here. BUT, she still expects him to remain faithful. Granted, what he did was wrong on one level but what else is he to do? He's willing to use then gels but she isn't. He's still with her trying but she's only willing to get physical with him maybe once a week and that's until she starts to get dry. It sounds to me that it doesn't sound like how sensual or romantic he applies the gels that's not the issue. The issue is this. She doesn't want to use them. You can't make someone do what they don't want to do.

Thanks Deacon, but he did say that we had to much foreplay. Go figure. Didn't think there could be to much of anything really