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lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 77 (view)

A different angle - Social Assistance Programs Posted: 11/23/2009 10:06:56 PM
Wrong again Liz. My income has nothing to do with my EX's access to these programs. The government knows exactly how much I earn as I file my taxes every year like a good citizen. All of my income is reported, and subsequently taxed. Nice try, but pull your head out of your ass before you try to claim "facts". You jump into conversations when you think you have a point, then disappear when you get challenged on items you have no argument on.~thatusernameistaken~ ^^^Forgive my tardy reply....but I am busy at the moment working and raising a couple of kids! I am sure the government knows your income and pays your tax credits to you based on what you claim on your FEDERAL income tax statement! I assure you that the provincial government does require any available finacial information of the ncp's income before the cp can get any assistance from social programs like drug/dental or daycare....Notice I said "available" finacial information? Seems to me that you have always had the means to pay for these extraordinary expenses that are NOT covered under regular child support. Still, I fail to see how this is fraud on her part since she can not afford to cover the cost of dental care from her income, it is her son so....? What if you called the social assistance office....let them know you can afford to pay for you child's dental expenses...you don't feel right using tax payers money when you can to cover the cost...so from now on forward any dental invoices she has for your children your way.~ indigodream~ ^^^^I agree with you indigo...perhaps thatuser could forward his tax returns to the provincial office that has granted the benefits for his children since he is SO offended at how his Ex has manipulated the system and the tax payors...or is he just worried about looking like an ***hole? I mean honestly...sounds like he can afford to pay for his childrens extra medical costs....so why are the taxpayors paying agian?....I don't believe he dirctly answered that question....

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

A different angle - Social Assistance Programs Posted: 11/21/2009 1:44:06 AM
My son had a dental appointment yesterday and the ex asked if I wanted her to put it through under her so it would be free. I said no. The appointment cost me $321.00 but I preferred to pay it myself than have her push it through the government program.I did this for two reasons: 1 - I am very supportive of every tax break and tax benefit I can get. I view her using that program as an abuse of taxpayer money. 2 - Pride. I don't need her government handouts to provide for my children....... ~Thatusernameistaken~ ^^^I gotta call some big time BS on this post!...Firtsly I want to know why your ex wife is getting benefits if you have the ability and "pride" to pay for them? Secondly, if you can afford to pay for these extra fees for dental exams etc...does the government know that your capable of doing so?...which BTW would probably impact your Ex wife's ability to leech off the taxpayers you are soo concerned about! Honestly...get a grip....if she is getting benefits for the kids that you could pay for...you are just as guilty as she is by not reporting your income to the people who based their decisions for your kids on her sole income... Sorry to cut your pride walk short....but you need a slap on the head instead of a pat on the back!........

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 437 (view)

Why don't men date single mothers...the answer Posted: 11/15/2009 5:13:16 AM
My question is why all the animosity from the single mothers/fathers toward non-parents who choose not to date someone because they have a child. Everyone has a right to their own preferences, am I correct? Is it really out of line for someone to NOT want a relationship with a single parent? ~ seanl262 ~ ^^^^^^^It really isn't out of line for men not wanting to date single mothers....what is OUT OF LINE is this whole thread! It is OUT OF LINE for men to post demeaning and insulting lists of the reasons why some men won't date Single Mother's!! Everyone does have a right to their own preference when dating.....but this thread isn't about preference...it's about perpetuating a stigma of Single Women who have children and how some men view them. The anomosity from women on this thread come from the complete lack of respect that some men display with their comments in order to get an ego boost...

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 148 (view)

Multiple children by multiple partners Posted: 11/15/2009 4:24:40 AM
So 1 0r 2 or 3 kids with losers is all fine and dandy but 6 is the magic number where the woman is a lean mean baby making machine of a loser whore. Ok, got it. ~sweetnessinlove ~ Geeze..I thought three kids by 2 different baby daddies was sufficient enough to be classed as a white trash whore!...dammitt....if I have to have six kids by 5 daddy's.. I'm probably gonna need an accountant for all the welfare and childsupport payments I'll have to claim!.. I am always amused and appreciate your sarcasim sweetness... .... I am constantly amazed at your level of tolerance and patience allsoul lady.. I feel its not fair to the kids at all. If my mother or father for that matter had kids all over the place, I think I would lose respect for them.~Matariki Sweet~ ^^^I would never condition my love or respect for my children based on their poor life choices....just as I have not conditioned my love for my parents based on their unplanned choices in life... I can't even convey to you Matariki how offensive your comment really is... BTW....I still haven't bothered figuring out how to(/qoute}/

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 347 (view)

An unofficial look at CS payment amounts. Posted: 11/14/2009 11:11:42 PM
....and yet most females in Western society thrive on this "sense of entitlement"? Do you realize what you just said there, Liz? My goodness...I would LOVE to remove the "sense of entitlement" from todays society.......but....could you IMAGINE the uproar from all those collecting alimony and fat CS payments?...........just IMAGINE...... UNBELIEVABLY hypocritical.....but typical of your common tripe you seem to spew here on these forums, Liz.~ silverhawk1999~ ^^^^^Do YOU realize that you just about all out confirmed that the majority of men wouldn't pay child support if society didn't require them too by law? It amuses me how some men are actually trying to argue reasonable excuses where they shouldn't have to pay support...or pay arrears (as in my case) for children they helped bring into this world. What I find even more disturbing is the arguements or excuses men make for not supporting their children by laying blame on the one person that MEN actually left to primarily care for those children.. The remorse men feel about leaving the kids behind is almost always an afterthought after the courts and the government has taken control of forcing child support payments that should have been voluntary in the first place... Perception is everything when it comes to negotiation....and without two people being able to negotiate...their will always be a never ending circle of bad feelings and the sense of entitlement on both sides..

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 325 (view)

An unofficial look at CS payment amounts. Posted: 11/13/2009 1:27:03 AM
What are all you child support collectors going to do when your kids find out someday how much child support you raked in over the years? I'm sure it will be a fairly significant number if the non custodial parent is a decent hard working person.. Seriously what are you going to do when your kid is an adult and they find out that you got lets say over $150,000+ in child support. They kid will be thinking and looking back on thier childhood and be like "no way did it cost that much to pay for me! Hey! That was my money! Damn it wheres my money! I want my money! Mom, dad gave you over $150,000 for me and he was forking out $1,500 month no way in hell did I cost that much to raise. So where is my money??? Tell me you saved some of it for me didn't you or did you spend it all???? Someday your kids will become adults and that will suck for the mega bucks child support collector. Your kids will have no respect for you. ~Hpotters~ ^^^^Firstly Hpotters....no decent ncp who actually paticipated in their kids lives and paid faithfully for their child's upbringing would ever burden their kid with this type of debilitating question.. Secondly, no parent should ever burden a child about finances so they feel a sense of entitlement or harbour resentment towards another parent because of any information one parent might provide.. Someday our kids will be adults that will be able to make their own decisions and judgements about their stolen childhood...unless they had parents who actually respected each other and didn't stoop as low as some of you guys have in this thread....

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 291 (view)

An unofficial look at CS payment amounts. Posted: 11/8/2009 10:01:11 PM
You claim to know so much about men yet you come across as yet another naive victim, bent on making all men pay for the poor soul who had the displeasure of one time thinking you worthy of depositing sperm into.~wonderingsole~ ^^^Wow..classy comment...and very offensive from all angles.... bravo...you managed to insult every woman who has gone through a relationship split/divorce and at the same time you have managed to dismiss the children that were a product of that relationship as mistakes that men are forced to carry the burden of... Men are simple, women are like computer hacking, you look for the pattern and then it is much easier to see what it is your dealing with. If your friend fell into the scenario I described then yes I gave an example of what I feel is fair, anytthing more and she would have no reason to come here and complain that is not enough to keep the mortgage patments up. Although I would think she ended up with the house and would still expect the man she is divorcing to continue to pay for it, birds of a feather and all that. ~wonderingsole~ ^^^you are right about one thing...some men are simple...too simple to think ahead when it comes to managing what their personal liabilities and future responsibilities will be . As far as my friend goes...she has hired a new lawyer...I won't bother to share her circumstances in detail..that is not my place..I was just using her as an example to provoke a discussion about what a fair and equitable resoloution would be...the circumstances are irreleveant aren't they?...I mean since when did cheating on a spouse or work history affect the amount of child support that is ordered?...did I miss the memo?

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 289 (view)

An unofficial look at CS payment amounts. Posted: 11/8/2009 9:41:49 PM
What in the hell are you talking about? You weren't even talking to me. ~that guy him~ ^^^your right...however my post somehow still seems releveant to your posting history!....birds of a feather..y'know?...

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 287 (view)

An unofficial look at CS payment amounts. Posted: 11/8/2009 9:03:44 PM
Oh can't you give your man-hating rants a rest for one bloody post? "Wah wah wah men did this. Wah wah wah men didn't do that." Try being an adult for a change, would ya? ~that guy him~ ...DITTO!!!....I already tried to put the adult olive branch out...you just kinda snapped it off.....what did ya want me to do?...tell you your right?...not bloody likely when you have the attitude of a toddler...

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 283 (view)

An unofficial look at CS payment amounts. Posted: 11/8/2009 8:29:09 PM
Women have a lot more to lose and if your friend feels her lifestyle should continue after the divorce is wrong, she rolled the dice and lost. End of story.~wonderingsole~ ^^^^^^^Okay....nowhere in your post (msg 275) did I see a suggestion of what would be a fair settlement for my girlfriend going through a divorce atm. The reason I did not give particular info on her education, age and work experience is because it is kinda a moot point after she dedicated the last 12 years of her life raising two kids. So, I guess I am left to make the assumption that your feelings is that women who find themselves with an a-hole a few years down the road..should either grin and bear it or suffer the consequences of their choices they made before there were kids involved? Geez....and you guys wonder why men can't get organized enough to actually rally the court system for equality of custody...not very surprising since many men refuse to give up anything before they are awarded the very thing they claim to fight for..... Let me know which men's movement you belong to...I will send a cheque...because clearly alot of men with your attitude need alot of therapy..

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 273 (view)

An unofficial look at CS payment amounts. Posted: 11/7/2009 1:04:14 AM
Now that is rich coming from a single parent who is lamenting about losing her 2,000sq foot house because her part time work will not support the mortgage payments without the cs that she recieves.....but...after 3 pages..she did suggest the actual reason was the attendance in school....it just just got lost in the anguish about post cs payments.... LOL...got to love how some suggest equality.....~Tealwood~ ^^^Love the cherry picking of posts...it is amazing how you can take three and four different responses from 3 and four different people to validate your little vengance fantasy that every woman is a contemptuous evil vixon!..Wow...I could make you look like George W Bush if I cherry picked your posts from several different threads....cut it out...your showing you level of maturity here...I think it is time for you to sit in a time-out for a few posts..perhaps you could then focus on the whole picture of this discussion.... Yes I imagine that many kids will come to resent their fathers but are they the only ones at fault here? You and so many others here are taking none of the blame for picking these guys (myself included on being a bad pick I guess ) but you know I was brutally honest in what I said to my ex concerning kids, and her like other women here somehow interpreted that in their own way. Well, when that happens it's a short term gai for women (getting the kids you want) V. the long term misery of wondering why they did what they did, always thinking they aren't contributing and why is it they don't visit when they are offered (supoosedly) all the access they want? I think what most here don't get is the resentment they probably feel and can't shake. I can't speak for other men here but I know I resent having to have my relationship with my own flesh and blood dictated by so many outside influences. Meanwhile it seems no one is taking the CP's to task for anything, be it working parttime, not giving access, compromising nothing while expecting the ncp's to be totally towing the line. And you want examples of what should be? There was a previous poster who I gave a hard time to about accepting part of the blame about her current circumstances, every post from her was a continuous deflection back to the ex. If she could have simply stated that yes she was as much to blame for it I could respect that. Instead she has decided to leave the site. Is that supposed to be an admission of blame? Why is accepting blame so damm difficult for you ladies? No one is saying stop loving your kids, that would be stupid, no? But I and I can see many others are just having a hard time giving any of you any respect when you keep playing the poor victim.~wonderingsole~ ^^^^I find those comments to be very interesting wondering....It really is all in perception isn't it? I would have thought that more men who actually have the balls to take the stance you and other's have really should and could have put more time and effort into reading and comprehending the very basic moral values that I have seen many single mother's convey in their posts on this thread alone.... What I have a difficult time seeing in these forums especially, are men who feel it is their right to demean Single Mom's by way of their personal posts just because you guys think all single Mom's belong in the same social class or belong to the same stats and demographic. With every action, there has to be a reaction....and the cycle will continue in a never ending circle when it comes to adults who are more committed to bouncing the ball of emotional and finacial responsibility for the kids back and forth...especially after that relationship ends. So let's take the victim mentallity out of the debate...that both sides seem to have (but view differently) along with the control issues I know both opposing parents feel at one time or another and try to turn this discussion into a positive thread? I want you to propose an example of what a fair equalization would be for a mother with 2 kids who has stayed home for 12 years to raise them and hasn't worked outside the home until the last 3 years at a part-time job..FYI....she was married for 16 yrs... (not me...my bbf is going through this atm)

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 257 (view)

An unofficial look at CS payment amounts. Posted: 11/5/2009 2:41:51 AM
Every parent contributes to their children in a different way. To think we can suddenly legislate responsibility when parents can no longer live together is one of the most ridiculous endeavours ever. ~That Guy Him~ ^^^^ Okay....so please explain and give a few examples of how EVERY parent (mainly absentee DBD's) contributes to their children without paying cp?...in their own special way...err I meant in their own different way? The only thing government can do is IMPOSE FINACIAL RESPONSIBILITY...they can't lesgislate a parent into caring or nuturing their children... So what would your soloution be that guy?..

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

He won't let me put him down Posted: 11/5/2009 1:31:01 AM
Matariki Sweet I know where your at right now!..Teething can really be a tough time for the little ones! If he is healthy and there are really no obvious health concerns..I would guess your little man has learned the art of manipulating you! They learn fast..and they never forget what works for them!! Try putting him down wrapped up in a shirt or sweater you have worn for the day....he probably just wants all the attention you gave him when he was cutting his bottom teeth...he wants to be close to his Mom. Don't overdue the doses of tylenol though..or it won't work when he needs it, and be very careful with motrin as it can cause "rye" syndrome (Sp?) in infants under 2. When he starts to teeth again.....freeze watermelon and cantalope! At least then you know they are getting some nutrients when they won't eat because of their teeth!

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 253 (view)

An unofficial look at CS payment amounts. Posted: 11/4/2009 8:34:34 PM
^^^Your last post is just jubberish inncsearching.....you are like many other memebers of the 'ol boys' club who don't want to grow up after having a child. If the divorce rate was 0% due to lack of governmenmt interference in forcing child support payments...there would be alot more dead women and children...because it wouldn't be reported and tolerated like it used to be. Your generalizations and opinions are equal to those who still hold a predjiduce against black people and visible minorities. EQUAL RIGHTS start with both genders taking on EQUAL RESPONSIBILITIES...and I think history has already proven that the "honour" system for men paying their EQUAL share dosen't work haven't we? I used to have some sympathy and empathy for how men were treated in the family courts...However, I am starting to think it is karma for all of the backward opinions and sheer gluttony that men still seem to spew when things haven't gone according to their master plan....karma can be a **** can't it?.... With attitudes such as you have displayed...it is no wonder judges are awarding women the majority of childsupport and custody...sometimes it really is all in the delivery.

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 234 (view)

An unofficial look at CS payment amounts. Posted: 11/2/2009 8:48:29 PM
Now we can go back manually over the posts but I am positive you were very strongly againts split visitation with children as not being healthy or in their best interest. $$$$$$Or was it your finacial best interest...but now with the intent of your youngest to move...it suddenly becomes palatable or viable...So please tell me how that is not self serving or simply finacially motivated. But I will agree by page three you did switch or add as an additional consideration the scenario that the children missed school...and that they supposedly miss school the day after they are or have spent the night with their father. Now foolish me...I would be myself more concerned about that fact than i would about the finacial loss....or the fact I might have to start working full time again. But the my priorities have been different. i also object or argue that the homework did not get done if they spend time at the mothers as she would take them out visiting. But since they spend all or the majority of time here...i have little to complain about. ~Tealwood~ ^^^Yes foolish you!..how selective of you quoting posts that only support your over view to support your ridiculously biased opinion... I do not believe I struggled with the issue of the amount of child support I recieved until I became concerned about my youngests living arrangements or custody dispute that has brewed to a boil now with my ex. The irony of my situation is I was willing to give back some child support to my Ex for our 16 yr old son who decided to live with his Dad...until my Ex got greedy..He saw the opportunity to end child support payments with my younger son but has demonstrated none of the responsibility to parent a child his age.....so now he gets nothing unless he takes me back to court...and then he will probably end up paying more for those 10 years he left me to struggle working two jobs on what he did pay back then....karma is a ** isn't it? So if the trials of raising the children are so difficult why are most woman againts shared 50/50 custody? We had one strident hawk who was very vocal about how it was not good...until her children suddenly were looking to change custodial homes.... ~Tealwood~ ^^^^The better questions are... Why is it that so many men are leaving the home before they have a 50/50 custody arrangement in place? It dosen't count when men rethink their decision to leave..because they suddenly realized 5 months, 1 year or 5 years later that they should have stayed to fight for joint custody...(kinda makes their intentions suspicious dosen't it?).... Why do men feel that because they have 50/50 custody it absolves them of equalizing the finacial circumstances for the mother who stayed home and put her career objectives on hold? The old saying..."throwing the baby out with the bathwater" comes to mind when I think about the expectations some men have in regards to child support. I think the cycle is never ending...but the constant fight to gain control over finances is really counterproductive for both parties. The end result usually consists of one parent sacrificing years of being able to achieve advancements and promotions at work because of the custodial parental role, while the other parent goes on to achieve wage increases that come with the promotions they achieved by having less of the family responsibility their ex spouse had. It kinda leaves a bad taste in everyones mouth dosen't it? **I know I should be using politically correct terms like NCP instead of some men or Dad's....but honestly...I don't really care to tailor my posts to be politically correct when so many men here don't give the single Mom's who work hard to raise their children the same respect or consideration when they post...

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 214 (view)

An unofficial look at CS payment amounts. Posted: 11/1/2009 1:17:22 AM
I always advocate that both parents work full time and equally provide for their children...leaves out the Lizzie....the one who works part time and would struggle to maintain her 2,000 sq foot house without the cs she derives from her two children...the two children who supposedly expressed interest in living with dad and who will not until dad gets a court order.....Decisions based on dollars and cents seem to go both ways....even though after numerous posts...you did come up with not going to school...as an after thought? ~Tealwood~ ^^^LOL...you really hate the fact that because of the circumstances I am in, I can afford to work part-time don't you? I would not even attempt to provide you with a resonable explanation of why I refuse to allow my minor child to live with his Dad full-time...I'll let you believe it is becasue of the $700 in support I get every month.. next year...I will be applying for a divorce and as part of the application I will not be asking for cs nor will I want it..and in fact will refuse to accept it. It has been or will be over 7yrs where I have been seen and acknowledged as the primary custodial parent. I am however considering she be required to pay part of the educational costs of post secondary education...but have not decided if the effort..the potential issues it will bring up are worth the legal investment. ~Tealwood~ ^^^^You haven't decided?....who said it was your decision? Your kids are old enough to have an opinion on the course of action you should take about any arrears do they not? The problem with most ncp's is....their kids are clearly never worth the potential upset or legal investment to go to family court are they? Spare me already Tealwood...you must stop speaking out of both sides of your mouth...your drooling everywhere!!

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 146 (view)

An unofficial look at CS payment amounts. Posted: 10/29/2009 2:13:47 AM
I love the selective math and reasoning some single disgruntled Dad's use as a template to complain. When it gets to the point a single parent is receiving thae max tax benefits and credits to support her children, it really says something about the Father who should be helping to provide for the costs of those kids. I know for a FACT that any and all daycare expenses and extra cirricular activity expenses paid by the NCP are tax deductable for the father if he chooses to pay them according to the equalized calculations. For a parent to receive $108.00(or whatever it is) for the working family tax credit, that parent needs to be one or more of the following in order to qualify: A) not receiving subsidy B) dosen't receive extra ordinary expenses with support from father C) earns less than $20.000 but more than $5,000 (below the poverty line I believe) D) claims child care expenses on their annual tax return ****keeping in mind this benefit is only available until the child reaches age 7 The $100.00 universal tax credit is paid to EVERY FAMILY who has a child under the age of 7...and is required to be declared as INCOME at tax time by every canadian who receives it. As far as the CTCB is concerned...the amount will depend on the amount of child care a parent with custody pays and claims for daycare expenses. If the Dad isn't paying his fair share....he gets none of the deductions....not to say he would see a tax credit even if he claims it because in most cases his income is primarily the higher of the two parents. So forgive me if i don't have much sympathy when men complain about why some single parent women get the max child tax benefits...because it is really an example or illistration of how badly men have behaved and copped out when it comes to providing for their own flesh and blood. I have seen many NCP Dad's suggest that they share the tax deductions to maximize or gain the available tax credits available....how sad is that?....It all comes down to dollars and cents dosen't it?.....NCP's dollars and the CP sense....pardon the pun...

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Ideas for spending time with kids... Posted: 10/29/2009 12:36:52 AM
We have game night every week. I get out the blender or mixing bowl and we whip up a batch of cookies or cupcakes while we all play cards or a board game. Sometimes we make things interesting and bet on the outcome of the game we are playing...we all put in a few bucks (from mom's change purse) and the winner walks away with all the money!! The loser gets to help Mom clean up the mess! I am always checking out our community web site for the free activities that I know my kids will enjoy....sometimes kids just want our undivided attention which alot of us have a hard time giving when we are too busy trying to keep up with everyday life...

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 60 (view)

An unofficial look at CS payment amounts. Posted: 10/23/2009 11:26:46 AM
And a mother obstructing her children from living with dad because it means losing the required cs that enables the woman working part-time to remain in her house...while the nc father who earns a living actually working is living in a rental...~Tealwood~ ^^^^LOL....nice try Tealwood. It does no good for your arguement (or my ex husband for that matter) when you continually point the same chastising finger accussing me of being greedy and unreasonable. My Ex choose to be a victim of his own circumstances, but he took me along for the ride aswell by not providing what his kids needed when they were little! I did that. I worked for what I have, so as far as I am concerned, if my Ex wants to take me to court for custody...he can first explain to the judge why his kids are consistantly absent from school and why he has never ever paid the table guideline of support. I am not obstructing my boys from seeing there Dad....just living with him full-time. Truth....sometimes difficult but the truth is sometimes found when children make the change and realize that Dad only did it to avoid the cs...or Mom only objected because she wanted the cs.....and the emotional hell one speaks of is sometimes if you only continued to do everything and all what I deem as best...then we would have no problem co-parenting.....but who dies and determined the custodial parent was the one who is best in knowing all the answers? In many cases the the non custodial parent is capable of raising the children very proficiently...it just is not what we would do!~Tealwood~ If Dad's like my Ex had genuine interest in raising his son's...the issue of child support arrears wouldn't be an issue...or would it?....back to you....

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 143 (view)

Why don't men date single mothers...the answer Posted: 10/23/2009 1:49:37 AM
The irony of some of the men here is hystarical!!! It is also kinda sad when most of the posts that are vulgar and deragatory towards single Mom's are actually made by men who are Single DAD'S ....tito being the exception...he is plainley a ...insert A in front of hole...and a coward jumping on a bandwagon. The women you guys talk about are likely weak and vulnerable women....SO what does that say about you guys who have "been with" or "dated" all these so called "slutty" women? Time for an EGO check boys!!

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 55 (view)

An unofficial look at CS payment amounts. Posted: 10/23/2009 12:26:19 AM
I don't think it matters who has custody or where the children physically live. Either parent can of course pay voluntarily. Also, an agreement between the parties can be drawn up before the children are born stating that in the event of a break up, child support will be paid according to the payment schedules of the county in which they reside, or a pre-determined amount set forth in the agreement. It is sort of like a prenup for unmarried people and their future children. It sounds fair to me. It protects men because they would have to agree to having a child and being responsible for it before it is born.....~futureshock~ ^^^^How do you manage to lick your own (insert word ending in hole here) without a brown chin or a sore back ? You truly amaze me futureshock.....but I admire your shit disturbing skills. Suppose I agree with you about men having the option of "opting out" of child support cause they were foiled by a temtress with designs on living off a man's hard earned wage....lets suppose that the majority of people in North America (us and canada) also agreed that men should have the "mulligan" clause before they have to pay a dime unless they wanted too. What do you really think would happen?....Would the majority of men step up or step aside? How did the honour system work in the past before child support was legislated? Would it be as easy for you and certain like-minded people to step over a mother begging for her hungry children outside a market? How do you feel about the tax credits or socail assistance a single parent (most times the mother) with kids receive? Would people rather pay more in tax credits to feed and house children by letting the "boys" skate on their responsibilities? Tough questions...aren't they futureshock?...I wonder how many, if any you will bother too answer? What seems fair to me is that people start owning their mistakes...or misjudgements and take responsibility for the actions that caused their personal circumstances....sounds fair to me...JMOT

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Dear God Not That One Again! Posted: 10/22/2009 11:35:33 PM
Try sitting through 20 mins of a show called In The Night Garden....it is a bad spin-off of the Tele-Tuby's...

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Custody Procedures in Canada Posted: 10/18/2009 1:12:05 AM
January 31st was the greatest day of my life.......... I would have to pay child support, as if paying child support as I understand it will be based on my income, and entitle me to custody.......... Not to mention how petty it would be for someone who made 50k a year to go after someone who made 17k. .............. I have not yet spoken to a lawyer, but am I right to assume that I would need only pay child support based on my income, and prove with my furnished 2 bedroom apartment that I pay for by myself that I am responcible enough to have up to equal or at least some custody of my daughter? .......... ~greyy~ ^^^^^Hey greyy....I am thinking you should have been worried about this long before now! Your self-entitlement reason's for not already paying child support seem to be based on your Ex's income...grow a pair already! It is true CP is based on income...and your income entitles you to free legal advice...but maybe not 10 months later when you need to enforce your rights or build a defence of why you haven't bothered to enforce those rights until now. I mean it's not like you were too busy breastfeeding or changing diapers to make the time to drop by the legal aid clinic! Tealwood is right only about one thing....your contribution in child support is in no way connected to your Ex's income. The table amount is what you should be able to afford and contribute in raising your child. Excuses do nothing to provoke positive actions you want for your child and will get only a negative response from your Ex...good luck with that!

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

yes, i am asking pof about court... Posted: 10/18/2009 12:34:54 AM
bliss.star, All you have to do is wait him out for 18 mos. By that time if he has choosen not to pay child support or pursue the courts for visitation and access you can site abandonment. Been there and done that. I hope you get some legal advice as to your rights now though...I wish I had before I allowed my ex to make threats that he had no intention on following through with. You have to be tough in your stance of what is and will be acceptable for your baby if he wants to be involved...and sadly, it sounds like he won't bother past making the vacant occassional threat when it comes to being involved with your new babe. Passports are no problem when you don't fill out the Father's info....unless he contests....and if he is willing to go that far to fight for his parental rights, then you need to find a way to deal with him participating in your baby's life. Please try not to burden yourself with the "what if's" now, you really need to be taking care of yourself and that baby in your belly...

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

Why don't men date single mothers...the answer Posted: 10/16/2009 1:42:11 AM
One of the biggest reasons men don't want to date single moms is the simple fact that many men do not want to raise another man's kid(s)...~m_church~ ^^^and judging by these forums....most men who have such a venomous opinion haven't bothered to raise their OWN kids!!... For every excuse there is a guilty consience.. So perhaps guys should stop stealing the putty from single Mom's if they don't have good intentions. If men do not want to date single Mom's then don't!.....duh.... If men have to post on the reason's why they won't date single Mom's.....I have to wonder WHY they have time to bother posting with all the single childless women that are available for them to date? Don't do us single Mom's any favours guys....just move along....most single Mom's don't want to date an adult that acts like their 4 yr old...

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 87 (view)

16 yr old Moving in with Dad Posted: 10/13/2009 11:05:05 PM
Just a Thought Lizbeth and Tealwood's above post reminded me of this. Here in NC parents have to go to mediation before, custody can be changed or it goes to court. The reason for this is to keep the childern out of the court-room. This might be the option to go. Your boys are old enough to be included, so look at that direction. No need for this to become ugly. ~gadgetdoc~ ^^^Sadly, we have already reached that point. I cannot control what their father tells them about finances. I refuse to be baited into a conversation with my kids that puts the guilt on me in the present because I didn't burden them with the tough choices I made in the past. I won't do it now. I also don't think any judge will allow a minor who has historically missed every Friday and Monday of school since September in the drivers seat of where he wants to live. My heels are dug in..I am just letting my ex dig his own grave....

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 83 (view)

16 yr old Moving in with Dad Posted: 10/9/2009 11:27:24 PM
^^^^^futureshock..stop tryting to pick a scab over and over again to the point you get a poisonis response. Until you can comment on the concerns I have made as a parent without chastising me...your replies and opinions are not welcome on my personal situation.

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 81 (view)

16 yr old Moving in with Dad Posted: 10/9/2009 10:33:14 PM
Easy question to answer....the one who is willing to communicate and instill values in bringing up the kids. ~TAKEN_itsallinthesoul~ ^^^communication is key..sadly I haven't figured it out as well as I thought I had with my Ex..

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 79 (view)

16 yr old Moving in with Dad Posted: 10/9/2009 2:13:27 PM
So from what I have noticed lately about the recent posts are judgements about my finacial perdiciment and what it would mean for my current living situation if I allowed both boys to move in with Dad. Nobody has addressed my concern regarding the school attendance for both boys. I suppose that concern could be construed as an excuse for my reluctance in allowing my 12 year old to live with his Father. My main reason and thinking hasn't changed from when I started this post....with the exception of a few bad tempered replies to those who can't grasp the entire picture. I contacted my sons HS today and found out that he has missed 11 days since school started. BTW....they still think he lives with me primarily. If this blows up, he will be forced to transfer to a new school and will have no social network or friends at the new schools that he does now at his home school. I feel like if my Ex had had the coutesey to sit down with me to discuss the long term ramifications for allowing the children to make a decision as big as this..I would have had a much better reaction. That isn't what he did, which leads me to believe that although the kids are attracted to the "disney dad" personna of life at Dad's, in the long term it isn't good for them nor does it give them a secure routine that can lead to them being successful in the future as they become adults. At this point I feel as if his main objective has become about the monthly child support and he dosen't have the balls to address me about it personally...he has been doing it through our boys. Remember I was the one who initially brought up the suggestion on how to refund him for the sake of our eldest son?.... If I wanted an excuse to win points for my justification on why I get child support, I certainly wouldn't be looking for them on this forum. I don't need to justify my reasons for wanting to stay home with my 4 year old, nor do I need to justify the reasons why I feel my ex should continue to pay me now for the lost years where I gave him a break on the CP when he needed it to survive. If it makes anyone feel better about the amount my daughters father is paying, I have just taken steps to rectify that responsibility of his for our daughter. However that still dosen't solve the current situation with my ex and I. My kids wants are not always the best thing for them. Especially when the parent they want to live with dosen't and hasn't displayed the neccessary actions and responsibilities of doing the things that a responsible parent does. It should not depend on the amount of money that is available to my Ex for him to demonstrate providing the basic skills and examples that is a must for all CP parents. If my ex can't get his arse out of bed to take the kids to school or activities they have now....what will change if I agree to give him back all of the support he currently pays? Forget about the fact that I have still been the one to write cheques for the school expenses..class trips..and extra cirricular activities. As hard as it is for some of you to believe, I spend every dime of income I get for the boys...and then some. I cannot continue to pay for all of the extra's without support from my ex and I can't say no to the basic needs my son's have day to day if I am not recieving it. Lizbeth....as hard as it is to consider, I do believe that if you were thinking like you without the burden of the emotion, you would know what you should do. You would honour your son's request and begin paying cs based on your current income level to the ex. Be the bigger person here Lizbeth and at the end of the day, your children will respect you more for it...you will also respect yourself. Stay out of the mud...it stains your soul sister. ~TAKEN_itsallinthesoul~ ^^^I am trying to be the bigger person. I have always tried to do that. I am not the one who started throwing the mud..I cannot take out the emotion I have out of the circumstance unless I have faith that I am doing what is the best thing for my boys...and I do not feel that way at the moment. I don't really care about what anyone thinks of me or what my motives are for struggling with this decision. I am not the one who will have a stained soul....it isn't in my make-up to go for the jugular or too make decisions that are primarily based on finacial support or money. I have a very good long term outlook and can see the consequences well beyond the present circumstances my ex sees. If I were to entertain every request that my children have made in the past (and continue to make) I would be living in the skids and they would be eating at the fast food restaraunt of their choice every night. Back to the basics....if there are two parents and only one person who is willing to communicate and instill values in bringing up the kids...who should they live with?

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 67 (view)

16 yr old Moving in with Dad Posted: 10/6/2009 6:23:42 PM
It is selfish of your boys to want to live with their father? They should want to stay with you so that you can continue to receive child support payments in order to be able to stay at home and not work so you can raise your daughter, who has a different father? So in effect you want the father of your boys to pay for you to stay at home and raise your daughter, who is NOT his biological child?~futureshock~ ^^^Do you know my Ex husband?...That is the same warped kinda thinking that he has demonstrated as of late!! You obviously haven't been paying attention...go back and read the WHOLE thread...you just look like an arsehole right now! Wow. Good luck with that. Wouldn't it be easier if you just had your daughter's actual, biological father pay you enough money to stay home home to raise HIS daughter? Where is he? Isn't the father of your boys already paying child support to another woman for children that ARE NOT HIS biologically?~futureshock~ ^^^I don't need luck..I have the family laws on my side. I'm glad you pointed out that my Ex is already paying CP (and has been for years) to another woman for kids that aren't his....Do you think that could possibly be the reason that I may have some finacial debt? My daughters father is not involved, does not contribute any longer and wishes to have nothing to do with her. So you couldn't possibly be suggesting that I go after him for CP since it was my decision to not have an abortion??..btw sarcasim is implied in every reply I direct to you..futureshock... I find it ironic that I started out this thread with the best of intentions to make sure my eldest son was being properly cared for by asking for advice on how much I should offer my ex back of the CP he currently pays..even despite the fact he is in arrears a huge amount. Yet I have been the one cast in a bad light for my concerns..which are primarily my kids. Money is the least of my concerns..but the point of contention for the arguement on here and with my ex-husband it would seem. At the age of 16 a child can make the choice to move out. It was never my wish for him to leave. At 12 years old a child is still legally a minor and it is my responsibility as a parent to protect him from his wants and short-sighted selfishness when it will ultimately damage his future. I wouldn't let him jump off a bridge if I could prevent it..and that is what I am doing.. Thanks to the few who have offered me some kind words or support without judgement.. I realize since this situation has progressed since I first started this thread that there is little advice anyone can give me on how to deal with this situation right now. Time to turn it over to the professionals. I am seeking out counselling for all of us (my kids and me) in hopes that a third party can help the boys interput all of the conflicting information they have from both my ex and I. For those who can't see the forest through the trees...I have no sympathy for the narrow minded complaints you all seem to have..I didn't come here looking for sympathy..I was just trying to find some advice on what would have been fair in the situation I was in....way back in the OP....but thanks for the public forum stoning...it just made me a little stonger and alot less sympathetic to my ex...oh and btw KMA!

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Baby Tooth Turning Gray... Posted: 10/5/2009 12:46:07 AM
She isn't in pain. I noticed it when I was helping her floss last week. I keep asking her if it hurts...she says no. Gawd only knows if or when she bumped it! We have a trampoline in the yard with alot of neighbourhood kids playing at our place all the time! We have to go to the Ped next week for a shot, so I'll get him to check it since our dentist appointment is still a couple of weeks away!

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 56 (view)

16 yr old Moving in with Dad Posted: 10/5/2009 12:37:27 AM
Life is often not fair. But then you are now not being fair to your youngest son and you will I feel suffer from it in respect to losing his respect for you. The bulk of your arguments has centered simply on the money or what the loss of 2 cs amounts will mean. Not to mention the loss of 2 CCTB payments. Bottom line....you have made a choice in how you want to live and how much effort you want to put into working. And to the other hawks....the guy is the father,....we have just as much right or abilty to raise our children, The only real arguement that has been suggested is losing the house...the house paid for by cs.....you know...the thing that was to be used for the children...and not building equity. ~Tealwood~ ^^^You know Tealwood, it occured to me this weekend that I have protected my ex-husband along with my two son's from realizing that life is unfair..You are very right about that and this is something I have known and accepted from the moment I became a mother. As I said, I could and do have the option of going even further into debt to keep this house if I was to willingly return the child support and not recieve the miniscule tax credits for the older boys that I do now. I still have one child who just turned 4 yrs old so I am not willing to cut short her time with me (her only parent) to appease the wishes of my two boys who have selfishly forgotten about their baby sister. BTW...my house or mortage has never been solely dependant on the cs I get...If I was stupid enough to have depended on that money I would have been homeless with my kids years ago. I have made a choice about how much effort I wanted to work harder at being a mother over the last 5 years after some traumatic occurences that happened in my and my children's lives. I reall wish you would stop getting all bent out of shape about my choice to work part-time...I assure you it really isn't all that much fun when the bills come due every month...it is a trade off for me. You seem to disregard every comment I have made about having already worked full-time for years and occassionally having to work an extra part-time job if it was required. Like I have said many times before in other threads...if I wanted to build equity and sit on my ass all day collecting child support...I would have choosen to go to court and considered that my full-time job. I choose to try to build relationships over money..but alas it would seem I only built a house of cards and my Ex just knocked it over by refusing to at the very least acknowledge my contributions or hard work that has allowed the boys to enjoy the lifestyle they have had since our divorce. As far as my 12 yr old is concerned, I will tell him that unless his Father changes the custody order before the judge he cannot live with his Father. Perhaps at that time my Ex can explain the boys frequent absences from school during his visitation time to the judge. So I guess the ball is back in my ex-husbands court. I just hope he is prepared for my requests of back support before the judge orders the guideline support I am more than happy to pay...or deduct off the arrears... So you were saying life isn't always fair....go on...

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Baby Tooth Turning Gray... Posted: 10/3/2009 4:01:21 AM
My four year old has one of her front teeth that has started to turn gray. I can't get into the dentist for a few weeks....should I be worried? Is this really a common thing for little kids? ........................................

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

16 yr old Moving in with Dad Posted: 10/3/2009 3:40:18 AM
First of Liz, i'm really sorry. It must be VERY difficult to have two children wanting to move in with the EX, i can't even imagine what that feels like. That beeing said, are you sure he's manipulating your kids? Having been with this thread from the beginning, it seems to me that he has sacrificed a ton in his life to support his children. With you and with his ex gf. That being said, he WAS paying the agreed upon CS to you was he not? (i didn't know he defaulted on some?) Enough CS so that you could live in a 2000 sq ft home and work part time to raise kids, while he lived in an apartment? THIS is manipulation? ~big pacific~ ^^^^You are right...it is VERY difficult for me to be the one who is forced to be the only ADULT PARENT that has taken all the burdens for the last 10 years. My Ex has sacrificed his own children in the past. That is not something I have ever allowed them to feel. FYI....His ex girlfriend came about during our marriage...she lived across the street and he just moved in with her after I kicked him out. You want to talk about sacrifice?....ask anyone in my family who helped with babysitting so I could work 2 jobs to keep my children in a home they deserved because their Dad didn't pay at the time. Not to mention the cheques my family wrote to the community centre's and hockey leagues my son's attended. The reason my ex pays the support he has been paying for the last 6yrs or so is because I made the decision not to bankrupt him since he was being forced to pay for the ex girlfriends/neighbour kids ...yeah that girl from across the street he moved in with so quickly...obviously a gesture and olive branch that he has since forgotten. I figure he owes me about $25,000 in back support...That is a pretty friggen big olive branch to burn don't ya think? BTW...the reason I have a 2000 sq ft home now is because I just spent over $20,000 in reno's to accomadate another bedroom for my boys to have their own rooms and rec space....not something I would have done if I had forseen the current situation. So pardon my response to your post when I say....get your head out of your preverbial Ar$e...and stop trying to make me cry maryr while you give all the kudos to my poor Ex who really ****ed this up from the get go. You bet your godamn A$$ I have been manipulated...and I am really piassed OFF now! My ex didn't have to ask or assume he would get the child support back....he got his boys to do that for him. Oh and the best part....the kids were at his place on Thursday night....didn't make it to school on Friday though...yet I still had to answer the calls from the schools! I am a Mom first...and as much as I want my kids to WANT to be here..it is not a requirment to me being a PARENT first. I am not the one who would have to go to court...he would be the one that would have to make the effort to take me back to court to change things....and since he still is paying for two kids and an ex girlfriend what he should have given to his boys all along...I don't see that happening. My Ex is a victim of his own circumstances....and I refuse to allow my 12 year old to be a casuality to his decisions. If I WANTED money....I would have pinned his butt to the wall over 6 years ago for it....so yeah....my sense of fairness is allowing my Ex to manipulate me...and he is doing it threough my kids....so I guess we are back to square one....no more co-parenting threads for me....I'm done!

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

16 yr old Moving in with Dad Posted: 10/2/2009 12:32:02 AM
I finally got a call back fom my Ex tonite. I am pretty dissapointed in the stance he is taking. As far as he is concerned, it is and should be the kids decision on wether or not they want to live with him, and he is in no way concerned about my feelings nor sympathetic to my current relationship with our boys. I am the one who brought up the child support when my eldest went to live with my Ex..I could not out of good concience continue getting money that I have used for both boys continue,when I did not have the day to day expenses for our one son. I feel like I have been manipulated by my Ex who has kept his hands clean by manipulating my two boys. I have come to realize my Ex didn't have to be the one who made a stance about child support, he had his kids to do it for him by constantly complaining he had no money. It matters little that the reason for his finacial decline has less to do with me than it does his ex-girlfriend and the money he continues to pay her. I am pretty sure my boys don't see it that way. I asked my Ex if he would be willing to having a split visitation where he would pay 50% of what he currently does for the next two years. This would allow me to continue to work part-time (like I did with both boys) to be home for my daughter. Considering I have forgiven a considerable amount in child support from him previously I was surprised at his reaction. He really dosen't care if I am in a position where I would have to sell the house. He figures since he lost everything....more than once...that the boys will adjust to me selling the house. I have scraped and gotten by for the last 10 years (the first 4yrs I worked 2 jobs) to give my kids a secure safe place to call home base....with very little support from my Ex I have decided that my 12 year old will stay with me until my Ex presses the issue and takes it to court, at which time he will become responsible for all of the back child support I have been forgiving about in the past. I will not allow him to manipulate my kids futures by trying to play on my moral issues when he displays none of those same traits..

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

16 yr old Moving in with Dad Posted: 9/26/2009 1:26:52 AM
Here is the update...I haven't been able to pin down my ex to talk about the current situation with our son. The school has flatly refused the request for the cross boundary application for our son to continue at the same school. My other son (who is 12) has decided he also wants to live with his Dad. I can't say I am really surprised at this, but I am a little pissed at my ex for making me the bad guy by telling my 12 yr old to ask me if that is okay! I really don't think he understands the price these kids will have to pay when they are forced to re-locate from a social stucture they have had since they started school! The kids Dad is also looking to move even further away than he is from where I live now to save money on renting. I also suspect he has said something to the kids (from what they have said to me) about not having to pay child support if they live with him....I feel like I have been cornered into being the bad guy no matter how I react to what is going on! I understand the boys want to be with their Dad and are at an age where they will respond to his guidance and advice more than they will mine. I don't think that my ex or my boys fully understand the consequences or reprucussions of the choice they want to make. I can do without all the child support and minimal tax benefits I get for having primary custody of the boys....ONLY IF I sold the house that has been the constant secure place, or I guess the home base for these kids for the majority of their life. I am only working part-time....and will continue to have that scheduale until my 4yr old daughter is in school full-time. I did it for my boys and she deserves nothing less. I cannot think of a really good reason for scraping by to make ends meet to keep a 2000 sq ft home for one toddler and one adult to live in. I do not have the same attatchment to our house as my boys do. It was purchased for them and their needs. It was really always their home..I was just a boarder so to speak. I could take out an equity loan to stay here if I wanted too...but I am not prepared to risk my daughters finacial security to do that. I kinda feel like I have always been the parent who has been accommadating and compramising with my ex when it comes to the kids. So how come now matter what I do or say...I will still be the bad guy?

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 142 (view)

Single parents, are they abusing the welfare system? Posted: 9/26/2009 12:07:30 AM
Kyn YOU ROCK!!! I wonder how many parents realize our kids don't count up the points or the score of their childhood until they become adults? I know my kids will remember ME being the one who took them to school and went on school trips with them...I know the memories they have for a lifetime will include ME being the one who was there for them...instead of them asking me about "what's her name??"..the woman who babysat them while I was at work. Life is short.....childhood is even shorter though...

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 317 (view)

what is child support meant for? Posted: 9/24/2009 4:12:39 AM
So Lizzie......one can kiss their backside all they want as they lament how bad off they have it...while others simply go out and do for themselves without expecting others to compensate for their own inability or unwillingness to work and succeed. ~Tealwood~ Sooo....your bitter and angry?....AWESOME! You need money I was always taught you go out and earn it on ones shoulders. Unlike what i might suggest some who have earned it on their back.....since you brought up back first....or as i was once told by a father..you pay for it upfront or you pay a much larger bill for years after ~Tealwood~ ^^^Interest can really be a **** y'know!! Get some help dude....your a little to angry to pull off the responsible, concerned and caring parent routine....

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 92 (view)

Single parents, are they abusing the welfare system? Posted: 9/24/2009 2:42:14 AM
I was never lead down any garden path. Nor was I ever taught that ones self worth is measured by ones finacial capability. I was simply taught one does for themself the best way they can and at the end of the day if they have done their best they can do no more. Working part time and taking what they feel entitled to does not suggest doing ones best. It suggests using the system and avoiding ones full responsibility...No matter how you might like to dress it up. ~Tealwood~ ^^^^WTF? Locked in the closet as a child much?... Raised by parents who had a belt hanging on a nail at the front door? Do you have any fond memories of childhood? I was raised and danced down the garden path of childhood. I still had a strict upbringing but I had the guidance and security only my parents could give me. Stop trying to deflect your own personal guilt as a full-time working, occassional and unavailable parent (unless it was before 5 am and after 5 pm) onto the people who have made the sacrifice you wouldn't make for your own kids. I think we know what happened to the generation of kids who were coming of age in the "70's....didn't society coin them "latch key kids"????.....good to see your carrying on tradition in your family Tealwood...

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

16 yr old Moving in with Dad Posted: 9/24/2009 12:53:59 AM
I am reading and mulling over all the advice that you guys have posted...thanks for the replies. I still miss my son very much, and I have tried my best to give him his space to figure out what he wants. I am happy he is at his Dad's at the moment...given some of the scarier alternatives teens choose sometimes these days. It is very strange to me to feel as distant from my son as I do...As a Mom, I have forgotten what it is like to be a teenager I guess! I think it is important for you all to know that my ex wasn't the one who approached me about changing the CP amount...I was the one who brought it up. I am trying to accomodate my ex for the extra expenses he has no idea about...it has only been 6 weeks..but at the same time, I guess I see his request for half the travelling expenses as an added expense being over and above what the cost of raising a child full-time would be. I know how much my son eats everyday, and I know much hot water he uses, and the amount of laundry he creates on a weekly basis. Honestly, I am trying to maintain an equitable living standard between both homes, since I still have one of our boys living with me, along with my youngest daughter who is only 4 yrs old. ************** The time we spend with our children is fleeting. In a very few years they will embark on their own journey and the memories they have of their life should be positive...if not positive of the interaction between the two parents positive in knowing that their parent did everything possible to assist and enhance their life as a child and as a youth where those experiences enable them to be productive adults. So who knows where the answer lies. But arguing about how much money one gets in cs.....speaks to me at least a message i do not desire for my children. But teaching them to earn and establish their own destiny seems a far better lesson.~Tealwood~ ^^^^^I am in complete agreement..Your comments explain why I choose to work part-time and define why I am feeling the way I do at the moment. I do not want my children feeling responsible for the finacial situation of their Father's choices...nor do I want them to feel obligated to me because of my choices and current finacial earnings. My ex and I don't need a judge...we have two boys who are picking sides at this very moment...It is very hard for me to explain what is going on right now. I am not arguing Tealwood..I am just worrying about my boys...and trying to keep my family together..

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

16 yr old Moving in with Dad Posted: 9/20/2009 9:51:44 PM
Okay I have to ask a question. How can your ex go to court to adjust his cs payments. From what I always understood the first family gets priority in respect to the cs payments while the second family gets the leftovers or remaining income. Now along with standing second in line is there not legislation in place that caps the total payout of an individuals income. It has nothing to do about taking care of biological children first;the reality is the first family has first rights to the child support capabilities. From what I understand there is no provision or suggestion in the family act that blends or equalizes the cs payments. ~Tealwood~ A: The last and/or most recent order for child support regardless of biological relation is the one that is enforced first! Remeber I mentioned I gave up fighting for guideline support long before this was ever an issue? B: Yes there is legislation that caps child support to 50% of a payor's income....if they choose to fight it and have the order changed!!! Not really something I can do...unless I take my ex back to court...kinda counter productive IMO... I have one question for you Tealwood....what do you think a fair comprimise or a reasonable arrangement regarding the CP would be at this point for my situation?

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

16 yr old Moving in with Dad Posted: 9/20/2009 5:48:11 PM
My advice would be to either do as she's suggested... and let them deal with what's the consequences of their choices... which is what grown ups do... and which is your job as the mother of your son to help teach him to be a man who's responsible for those choices he wishes to exercise... However... ...if you feel thats going to create too much drama (and Im thinking it likely will cos they'll both be nice as pie to you while things are going their way... but arent likely to be so "nice" ... if they dont ...and then the two of them will probably tell you how unreasonable you're being because its inconveniencing them both even though its the choices they've made...and even though neither is really being very considerate of you... Next minute you'll become the unreasonable b*tch ex etc etc.) I know you're weighing up your options right now... so think really hard about the most equitable way to solve the problem without bending too far backwards which is what you already seem to be doing. ~Kyn~ ^^^You have pinpointed exactly everything I am stuggling with Kyn.. Many years ago I gave up the fight in court to get the guideline child support from my ex because it was destroying our kids. However, I still have a house to pay for and RESP investments for the kids still come out of my bank account every month. Truth be told, I want this to be a lesson for both my son and his Dad without too much calltoral damage to everyone in the interm. My ex pays me about 60% of what he should be paying according to the guidelines. I simply cannot afford to pay for all of my 16 yr olds expenses on top of giving half of the $730.00 he gives me every month. My ex makes 3 times the salary I do and loves to live "in the moment"... I should probably point out that he pays his ex girlfriend close to $1200 a month for kids he hasn't seen in 3 years...yet hasn't been bothered to take this woman back so he could adjust the CP his own bio children are entitled too. Deep in my heart I know I have to be the home base for my kids to know they can always come back too. I have to be the safe place for them to feel secure enough to take chances in life. I know I will be the safety net for them when it comes to paying for unniversity for them or any other problem they need finacial help with. I have saved a large portion of money for them since they were little...with the help of the child support my ex has paid. I don't mean what I am about to say to sound arrogant or pretencious...but I am and have always had better long term goals and plans for the future than my ex has had for the boys. I have talked to many friends and family who either think I am crazy for offering any money to him, to some who think I am generous and should only offer him back half of the guideline amount he should be paying. I am going to lunch with him next week and I hope he isn't offended at the amount I am thinking of refunding him. I'll keep this thread updated and let you guys know how it went! I am trying to be fair and keep a long term goal in mind for all my children..

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 304 (view)

what is child support meant for? Posted: 9/19/2009 3:15:10 AM
Sports and recreation are a crock as many children who come from families who are together are unable to pay for these things yet the custodial mother who may have a second husband is willing and able to pay for the costs..and stick it on her bill or extraordinary expenses...not to mention being able to deduct the daycare costs from the custodial parents income yet not for the non custodial...not to mention the CCTB which arrives each and every month for the custodial parent......but it is not like many custodial parents to forget how they can drain income from the non custodial parent... ~Tealwood~ ^^^^^^^WOWsers!!! bitter much? I suggest you call up rev canada and ask for a rebate on half of the extra ordinary expenses you refused to pay for BECAUSE you couldn't claim them! Honestly....your too much...I bet it hurts your back to kiss your own ar$e the way you do....it is a talent...

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

16 yr old Moving in with Dad Posted: 9/19/2009 2:31:22 AM
My oldest son recently moved in with his Dad. As much as it hurt me, it was his decision and I gave him my blessing and made it clear the door would be kept open for him. In the past few years his Dad and I have developed a really good relationship as co-parents..and as good friends. (I would like to think) We have two boys together, one 16 and the other is almost 12. I haven't ever enforced the guideline support on my ex as he has had some extenuating circumstances in regards to paying support to an ex girlfriend for her children (yeah we live in Ontario). We have an agreement for CP, that nowhere covers the costs every month if you add in school costs and sports fees. I was okay with the current arrangement until my son moved in with his Dad. Here is my dilema....since my son has moved in with his Dad (three weeks ago) I have been wrestling with the decision of how much CP I should give back to his father since he has him full-time, especially since his younger brother has choosen to stay with me. Should i give him back half of what he currently pays even though it isn't near the guideline of CP for his income? I have continued to pay all of the activity fees for school and sports, and have bought all my eldest son's clothing and supplies for school. I should also mention my ex wants me to pay for half of a $300 transit pass that will allow our son to continue at the highschool that is in my district. If the school knew he had moved he would be forced to transfer. I would love to hear the different opinions on what is a fair offer to give back regarding the CP. I really don't want to offend my ex, but at the same time I still have another kid to look out for.

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 152 (view)

Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy? Posted: 9/19/2009 1:00:26 AM
Well, seems like you're doing a bit of back-pedalling there, lizzie.... you brought up "finacial" (sic) consequences in message 50... not a lot of talk of emotional stuff in the statement I was referring to....~capitano~ ^^^Nice little perversion of my comments you have twisted! I am impressed!....BUT...not surprised! Whatever makes you sleep at night...we all have our own moral compass right? ..... besides.... why would you or any woman be surprised by a pregnancy if you aren't using any BC and allowing a guy to slurp buckets of tequila out of your belly button?... ~capitano~ ^^^Hey....first...I wasn't the one pouring the tequila.....secondly, I am sure I mentioned that I was on a new pill previously to the weekend away..I pay for the pill....he should have brought more condoms!...OR gone OUT for more when I mentioned we were out.. between the orgasms! I was slightly surprised that I didn't beat the odds....but not as shocked as he was! (poor buggar) I am as culpable and have owned the responsibilities that came with my decision...I could have done more to prevent the pregnancy....but then again so could he have at that same moment! I am saying that for certain situations, yes. Many women make it all about the money, use CS as a means to get back at men and hide behind that shield emblazoned with, "IN THE BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD"..... ~capitano~ ^^^That's a circle jerk of an arguement! Y'know why?....Lemme tell ya..... When a man has never taken ownership of his own cupability and responsibility, THEN he cannot defend the reasons he has for NOT stepping up to a moral obligation to the woman he got pregnant or in some cases the child he abanndoned! I feel sorry for the men that society has scared the crap out of in the last two decades..I really do. They will always feel cheated without ever realizing they have an unclaimed reward. I am hoping that the next two generations of sons that have been cast aside and abanndoned by their father's have strong mother's and positive male influences to guide them to the point where they can be responsible for their actions and find hope in soloutions to problems they face.

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 114 (view)

Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy? Posted: 9/14/2009 10:00:47 PM
In the situation in which a man and woman are in a relationship, unmarried, and using birth control, WHY would the woman become lax in her birth control regimen and throw caution to the wind, relying on fate to decide when she becomes pregnant? Why wouldn't a woman wait until she and her partner have either gotten married or at least discussed and agreed to have a child together?~futureshock~ ^^^^.... You have never had tequila sucked out of your navel...have ya?... Stop asking the WHY question.....it is getting so old!! Women sometimes get pregnant when the man's penis shoots sperm into the vagina!

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

Concerns about my current custody battle... Advise? Posted: 9/14/2009 9:25:42 PM
NEWS FLASH I'm actually being the mature one here if you neglected to read any of my previous posts regarding this issue. ~CardinalSins~ ^^^^Uhhhh...I think we all have seen the level of maturity you have displayed in your posts...and continue to read...seriously dude...get a grip and focus on the prize...not the fight!

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 111 (view)

Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy? Posted: 9/14/2009 9:22:11 PM
Do you mean that if the man leaves right away, the woman is unsure about his intentions, so she cannot make an informed choice as to whether or not to have an abortion? I think I see your point here. For instance, do you mean that the woman still holds out hope that he will come back and choose to be a family, and that maybe he left because he just needed time to get over the shock, or something like that?~futureshock~ ^^^Something close to that...but not the fairy tale to that extreme, that you describe. It is obvious some men haven't figured out that running away from a problem like this as an adult dosen't make it go away. She's saying that men run, therefore women hit them with CS out of spite which IS common, I believe.~capitano~ ^^^Not saying that at all...I am saying men confuse and complicate the issue by not wanting to deal with the many emotional issues women may have when dealing with such a big unexpected scary dilema. BTW...child support is already a given right if the mother chooses to pursue it...so why continue to crab and moan about it? I think it's a difficult thing for the female brain to get around, but most men hate having someone make life altering decisions for them, especially if there is a sense of betrayal involved.~capitano~ ^^^The road to hell is often paved with the best of intentions capitano....that sword cuts both ways...don't ya think? Women hold ALL the cards in regards to a child being brought into the world. They can choose to bring the kid into the world, then they can have at least some control the man's finances for the next 18-25 years. There are other, more subtle, levers of control that women can use as well once a kid is born. And, lizzie.... if women didn't make it all about the money, maybe men might respond in a bit better way. I know that once my ex stopped trying to get more money out of me, I actually started paying for more than what I was required to pay.....~capitano~ ^^^^ So your saying that if money wasn't a factor...than more men would stick around to deal with the dilema of an unwanted or unexpected pregnancy? And, capi....if some men didn't treat and discard women (and children for that matter) like a used kleenex....maybe then women would be more reasonable when or if the finacial conversation had to happen for child support. However...the title of the thread is "Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?" I already know the answer to that....but go ahead and continue to defend and justify your reasons along with the other part of the herd in here. ****and BTW....sometimes it isn't all about money...most times it isn't about money.

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy? Posted: 9/13/2009 2:25:40 AM
The point is that we know there is a good chance that when faced with an unwanted pregnancy, if the man is not committed previously to the woman, he won't stick around to be a proper father. Women should factor that knowledge in when deciding when, with whom , and under what circumstances to have sex, and when to carry a pregnancy to term and when not to. For example, given the above scenario of the romantic weekend, hopefully more women will say to themselves, "If I have sex without a condom and get pregnant, this guy is not likely to stick around to be a father to the child. I know I won't have an abortion, so I will end up a single mother raising a fatherless child. It's probably not a good gamble to have sex right now." Instead of what happens all too often, when the woman throws caution to the wind because she believes if she gets pregnant, it will all work out.~futureshock~ ^^^I'm sorry, but none of the replies to this thread have a reasonable answer as to WHY men run...which is the first word in the thread title. There is no justification or reasonable excuse for skipping out on dealing with whatever consequences result from an unplanned pregnancy. I do believe that sometimes men actually reep the finacial consequence of supporting a child BECAUSE they ran away immediately after the woman told them. That's a great way to further complicate the issue and confuse a woman even more ......and even may delay an appropriate timeline for abortion don't ya think?

lizbeth2

Joined: 8/22/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

Concerns about my current custody battle... Advise? Posted: 9/13/2009 1:36:03 AM
Perhaps one day someone will actually spend the time to read and learn how to do the "quote" thing properly. Or rather than working the dramatics do a little research? ~Tealwood~ Why learn how to do the "quote" thing when I already know how to copy "n" paste? ....plus I know it bugs people... I should have clarified....that the place where the OP lives is one of the most crime ridden "borough" in Canada...major cities excluded. Watch the local GTA news... I am pretty familiar with that "borough"...I grew up there and travel there every week for work. Now the OP should understand that Lizzie always stands proudly behind the mother as someone who can do no wrong and if we want to get along better with the mothers of our child we should just bend over and take it and allow them to do whatever they feel like.~Tealwood~ I can see how you would have that perception of me Tealwood. Although, my perception of you is not much different. If you want to overlook the childish complaining and the vulgar names this guy called his ex in his posts ....(not to mention the BS about the cops actually coming to his house)..that is your choice....I call Bull shiat! There are always three sides to every story...his, hers and somewhere in the middle is the truth! Well one of the standard suggestions womans groups love talking about or stressing is setting boundaries in which ex's are supposed to act. Like boundaries about one's access time and if it was agreed to she should follow and respect the timetable. But only Lizzie could turn the act of a father standing up for his boundaries as a case of bad faith. But at least she is constant? ^^^^^Boundaries....GREAT word!...Perhaps the OP needs to learn the definition of that word and how it translates to his circumstances? I'm sorry, I didn't see any respect demonstrated by the OP when he was talking about his ex wife...maybe I missed it. I am all for parents working together to have an amicable and co-operative parenting relationship...but I am not going to coddle someone who is looking for advice or support on how to screw over his ex when he is acting the same way he accuses her of behaving.....perhaps I am just more perceptive than you Tealwood...If this guy was a woman...you would be singing a different tune and your advice would be much different...

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