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swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

when someone of age hasnt had a relationship Posted: 11/23/2009 7:56:24 PM
Half your life gone and not one relationship? I can see that if your career was research in Anarctica or Siberia. But living here in the good ole USA and not one girl was good enough? Yes I'd say that you need to look inside yourself, maybe have help with a counselor, to determine that particular reason. Avoiding intimacy? Avoiding relationships? Can't get away from mom or dad? Could be anything, but sorry guy, that is far from normal. Most people need that type of connection, some forever, some for just awhile, but completely avoiding it for an entire lifetime equals issues.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 52 (view)

How much baggage is to much?? ...But you love them.. Posted: 8/11/2009 8:47:07 PM
Show me someone who doesn't have baggage. Or also, someone who has completely fixed themselves (?) and therefore are perfect now? No such thing. There are those in love with murderers in the State Pen. And there are those can't stand someone with a too long 2nd toe. I don't know anyone past the age of 5 who doesn't have dented emotional development. The acceptance of that is called tolerance. Blessedly we live in a society that allows different degrees of acceptance related to one's own upbringing. Illegal baggage? Not my thing and I won't accept it. Other degrees depend on the person and who they have evolved into.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Ladies, I Get It, I Finally Get It Posted: 8/7/2009 1:15:54 PM
You've got it right on OP. And some messages are not even from this country, I mean really, I'm going to date someone in Italy? No pic is a good way to not have all those messages.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Smuggly waiting for a relationship to fail Posted: 7/13/2009 8:23:44 PM
I have dated guys who's "friends" apparently did not want us to be together. Girl friends of course. You could tell that they wanted to be the lover of which they hadn't gotten the opportunity. (Friend zoned I'm guessing.) It was very uncomfortable because these so-called friends could be quite weird in their behavior towards me. Most of the guys were clueless about this because the girls were quite sly in not letting the guy see it. But, so what. Let them carry on with their drama. Either they had their chance & blew it, or it just wasn't a match. I never let it influence my behavior or the relationship.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 57 (view)

anyone else find it harder as ya get older Posted: 7/8/2009 2:25:42 PM
One other thing OP is that you say you want to "hang out". I usually skip over profiles of guys that want to hang out. I want a relationship and will not consider someone who doesn't. If you're trolling for sex you might have better luck on CL, if you want to be in an exclusive relationship you need to say so.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 43 (view)

Broke up w/TRUE NARCISSIST - Do I tell his ex what he is? Posted: 6/15/2009 2:15:01 PM
You can sure tell by the responses who has dealt with an NPD and who hasn't. They are NOT rare, they are just undiagnosed! Have never meant one who thought they had a problem. NPD's are just crazy, they have no peace of mind, I actually feel sorry for their lifelong tortured souls. OP, I don't see the harm. Its anonymous and not hurtful, and may help the Ex if she isn't aware of what kind of person she's dealing with. What's the old saying...something like... "he who does nothing allows evil to continue".

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 301 (view)

Does anyone like being alone better? Can you take or leave having a relationship? Posted: 6/5/2009 2:33:00 PM
Kudos to those who say sex is better being single. How do you do that? When I'm single there is no sex, because I'm single. One night stands? Is that what you do?

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 82 (view)

Best question ever asked. Posted: 5/6/2009 7:15:00 AM
Actually Colorado is one of the fittest states in the US. Don't go to TX, there are lots of tall people there and you may feel intimidated. I'm from Texas and I know. And by the way, there are lots of farm girls in Texas too. But if you go to Big D or Houston you'll have to have money to get a 9.6. Lots of money there.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 274 (view)

Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why? Posted: 4/30/2009 8:18:21 PM
I find all these arguments by both parties somewhat humorous. As being in the dating world for 25 years, with relationships, ex's & boyfriends - I see TRENDs. Too many 40+ women are looking to find someone to secure their future, as they didn't bother to. Looks are not very important in their search, but material stability is, and that turns alot of men off. Too many 40+ men try to ignore their own aging. They picture themselves as the young hunk they used to be & think somehow magically a 20 yo hot girl is going to be attracted to them. Delusional. But again, just trends, and there are exceptions to them all.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 88 (view)

How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single? Posted: 4/11/2009 9:11:19 PM
Oh come on. We're all a bit delusional about how we think we're the "best" and deserve nothing less than one step down from Brad Pitt or Cameron Diaz. (if you admire those folks.) Single is easy and non-confrontational. Less worry and fewer birthday presents to purchase. But not the way I want to spend the rest of my life. I enjoy my singleness and at the same time realize that in order to get the fullness I want out of life, I have to venture forth once again, be brave, get out of my comfort zone and alas, take more risks. Some of us do, some don't.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

people who have the least to offer the most critical and picky? Posted: 3/26/2009 8:35:14 PM
Lol @ Dave. I see it all the time - with guys! 80% of the guys in my age group, 40's, are seeking 18-28 year old hottie's that they THINK they can get. Despite the fact that they are overweight, not that attractive, mostly balding and/or mostly grey hair, have severe emotional issues and/or can barely pay their bills, with pathetic personal relationship histories. Last guy I dated did have some money and believed that was enough to make him "Brad Pitt." status. Please. It goes for both genders. Unrealistic expectations fueled by stupid sitcom shows that make average guys think they can be with hot women. I.e. George Lopez, My Name is Earl, Everybody Loves Raymond, etc, etc, etc.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Dating a public figure Posted: 3/24/2009 6:54:57 PM
Don't worry about the fans they may have. That's the least of your worries. Public personalities can have a tendency for narcissism, not all, but many do. They can learn to feed & live off of admiration and once the doors are closed at night at home, that's when the true personality comes out. Its hard to fall in love with an 'average' person who becomes well known because their ego grows and the partners does not.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

Can anti-social people find love? Posted: 3/16/2009 9:49:03 AM
Yaa! Another anti-social comrade. :) I too am somewhat unsocial, I have to make an effort to meet people and go out. I don't consider myself anti-social as I love my family & spending time with people, just not so much in bars or crowds. Unfortunately that makes finding romance quite difficult. When I finally met someone much like myself, at a party I forced myself to go to, after 8 months he ended up friend-zoning me. Have to force myself back out there again. So it can happen... it just takes us a little longer.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 155 (view)

Woman won't tell me her last name Posted: 3/7/2009 8:46:05 PM
I went out on a date with a guy and didn't want to tell him my last name. I told him it wasn't important. Too much information because I was not attracted to him at the time. Turns out we dated for 9 months. He told me later he asked his best friend the next day why I said that. It was just I didn't want him to know anything about me.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 201 (view)

What is wrong with men? Posted: 2/15/2009 6:42:09 PM
Reminds me of an article I just read - the majority of people (except depressed people) believe they are better, smarter, etc. including better looking than they actually are judged by other people. I'd guess these guys still believe they are 20 years old in their mind and ignore the beer belly, wrinkles & baggage they've accumulated at the age of 40 something. No offense to the guys as girls do it too. I just don't see many 40 year old women confidently expecting a 20 year old guy to marry them.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

If you got your heart's desire Posted: 1/25/2009 7:35:03 PM
I've had this dream in my head for many years. Almost all of it has been fulfilled - a home I'm comfortable in, children that are good yet with their own personalities, a nice job with a great boss. That last thing is so close - a partner - not to marry - but to explore the rest of our lives together. The hardest part to find, but I'm ready!

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Most men are too picky Posted: 1/21/2009 4:36:28 PM
OP it is a studied fact that most people, male & female, think they are better looking than they are to the average person. There has been research on this. Add in to that the "Shallow Hal" syndrome and we've got serious screwed up self perceptions!

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Disappearing acts Posted: 1/21/2009 4:29:10 PM
I don't understand that either. Why would a guy tell you wonderful things & make plans for the future and then disappear? Why even bother? I guess there's plenty of people that do that, but I sure don't. If I'm not attracted they will know it. It sounds awfully familiar to the commitmentphobe type of person I have read about.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 70 (view)

Why do guys back off so quickly ? Posted: 1/10/2009 7:47:28 PM
That is a common trait of a commitment phobe. Do a little research on the internet. This can be a real phobia for the 30's+ crowd. They come on strong at first and once they have charmed you they disappear, pull back and change their minds about what THEY wanted. It leaves the partner confused and asking 'what did I do wrong?' Its not about you, its about their fear of getting too close to someone. It is becoming all too common these days.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 70 (view)

Last time you were told I Love you? Posted: 1/3/2009 7:02:06 PM
Thanks for your posts, I don't feel quite so bad. My son hugs me and tells me how wonderful I am every day. You can't beat that. To hear it from a significant other who means it, that's been a different story. And I didn't mean to give the idea I've been celibate for 10 years! Far from that, but love has sadly been evasive.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

Last time you were told I Love you? Posted: 1/2/2009 9:13:37 PM
You are right JustMe. I do not throw that term around lightly. I think about it sincerely & earnestly before I commit to that kind of emotion. And Eclipxi, you are also right. Chick flicks are fantasy for the most part. But, in reality are there not men who tell their girl that they love them? I would certainly guess there are, on occasion. It seems, after 10 years, I am attracting the wrong man or am an anamoly. Either way I appreciate all those who have replied. It helps to put this in perspective.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Last time you were told I Love you? Posted: 1/2/2009 8:15:30 PM
Oops sorry, I didn't mean this to be a pity party. More of a wake up call.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Last time you were told I Love you? Posted: 1/2/2009 8:12:38 PM
Its kind of hard and I didn't really think about it until tonight. I've been involved in a few relationships, but I haven't had a man say that to me in a long while. My ex sent me a Christmas card this year, and he said 'thank you for being my son's mom, I will always love you." That is sweet and he's a good person. It takes me awhile to say ILY, at least six months in a relationship because I do mean it when I say it. But its sad to think no one has thought that much of me in 10 years. Wow.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Last time you were told I Love you? Posted: 1/2/2009 6:47:23 PM
It feels kind of pathetic to even admit this. I have my kids that tell me that a lot, my mom, even my ex tells me that. But as far as a romantic interest, no. Those words actually are very powerful, don't you think?

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Last time you were told I Love you? Posted: 1/2/2009 6:20:47 PM
I was watching a movie tonight and during the dating period he told her "I Love You." It hit me kind of hard that it has been over 10 years since I've had an unrelated (i.e. family) man say that to me. 10 years seems like a very long time. I have said it myself once and it was reciprocated. But having it said to you first? Do you think ten years is a long time?

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Need advice Posted: 1/1/2009 9:23:26 AM
I'd stop talking to this guy altogether and block him! He makes plans then constantly changes them, most of your time is spent arguing, and he says he's in love with you after 2 weeks? You need to throw him back in the water and find a more mature fish.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Is there Passion after 40? Posted: 12/30/2008 6:57:28 PM
Lol at Capt. Truthiness. Heather Locklear & Hugh Jackman look pretty darn good and I bet are still in the game. But I'm beginning to wonder that myself. Met too many 40+ men who seem to have minimal passion anymore. Maybe because they don't exercise and let themselves go?

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 54 (view)

He says this isn't abuse??? Posted: 12/27/2008 7:51:03 PM
Whatever happened to getting to know someone well BEFORE getting pregnant with his baby? The OP didn't say anything about how long they've been together, how long she's been dealing with his bad attitude, or much of anything else. We can only guess.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 196 (view)

Why would you lie about your age? Posted: 12/20/2008 11:23:19 AM
I think I'm going to start lying - to those in person! I keep meeting guys that think I'm in my mid to late 30's, when I tell them my age they lose interest probably because I'm too old (48). I think I'll tell the guy on my next date that I refuse to tell my age because of 'ageism'.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 43 (view)

You think you have it wierd??? Posted: 12/16/2008 8:25:49 PM
Ha, ha. Definitely one of the weirdest claims I've ever read. I guess he'll try anything not to be monogomous! I might have replied though, asking "how much money do you make and can you support both of us?" Just for giggles anyway.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

How long to wait in dating before talking about your full feelings.. Posted: 12/15/2008 7:08:48 PM
Lol, I disagree with telling her just yet and I also disagree with never telling her. One month is too soon, 6 months is more appropriate. Do you love the way she handles her finances? Do you love the way she deals with her family ( & yours)? Do you love the way she handles serious problems? Do you love the way she ends arguments? Do you love the way she takes care of you? (she does, I hope) Just saying you have a ways to go before you REALLY love her. Dont mistake infatuation/beauty with love.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

POF get togethers. Posted: 12/15/2008 6:59:19 PM
Definitely try the Meetup groups. We have all kinds here - hiking, rock climbing, dancing, beer tasting, wine tasting, volleyball. These attract all ages of people. I met my current incredible guy at a summer party from one of these groups. At some of the meetups I've attended I have been one of the younger ones, but that's okay as well. But the more physical activity, i.e. mountain biking, the younger crowd it attracts.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

hang on or let go? Posted: 12/14/2008 6:39:30 PM
No - he has to knock my socks off. To settle for unpassionate love will leave you longing for more eventually. The "what if?" curse. Certainly not marriage and certainly not children with this kind of love. I've felt that companionship and friendship with a few men I've dated, but it just wasn't quite enough to consider spending the 'rest of my life' with. Think carefully girl.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Can you be too independent for a relationship? Posted: 12/7/2008 7:46:03 AM
I don't believe the myth that 'there is someone for everyone' and not everyone on the planet is meant to be in a relationship, or just one relationship forever. I read these forums and over & over I read how independent and self-sufficient everyone is. Great I guess. I am too but because I have to be to survive. Now I've met someone who comes over and fixes things for me that I couldn't do and that feels even better than my independence. It makes me feel cared for. And I take care of him, make him cookies, rub his back, etc. That also feels better than being independent. It was work on my part to integrate this man into my life. I had to make an effort to change my thinking & lifestyle.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Never had a relationship before.. would you date them? Posted: 11/16/2008 4:09:03 PM
I am dating one, who's 44, and its a rollercoaster. It wasn't lack of his attractiveness or success. He isn't a player. More like a fear of getting involved and thus complicating his life. I also see a hint of disliking women in general. It bounces between being close, caring & loving to him pulling back and resisting closeness. Its not for the faint or weak of heart and every person is different. Not that every guy is like this - this is my own personal experience.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

When is enough enough? Posted: 11/12/2008 12:53:47 PM
Normally I would say give it another chance. But, in your case, I think you (both) married too young and without really thinking through the responsibilities & compromises of marriage. Get yourself together, your career & future, then make sure he is the one you want to be the father (for the rest of their lives!) of your children.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

Is it worth it? Posted: 10/23/2008 1:35:53 PM
It can be when you find the right person. But you're right in that people put way too many expectations on each other in relationships, which often ruin them. You shouldn't be in a hurry to settle for one person, you've got a long ways to go! And you should date many, many people before you decide which one is the right fit for you. There's nothing sweeter than having someone who knows you, appreciates you and is a great friend and lover. Its the best life has to offer.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

Should monogamy be assumed in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship? If so, when? Posted: 10/22/2008 5:38:27 PM
It is extremely cool to hear some of you guys say that once there is intimacy it turns exclusive. That's how I operate and if my guy isn't the same he's not the guy for me. If he lies or hides it, then sure, I'll be hurt & disappointed. But I'll just move on. If I feel like I need to have a talk with him first then I don't trust him enough to sleep with him to begin with.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

What kind of love is this? Posted: 10/21/2008 7:50:54 PM
Sure. I think he's playing a game. Since you don't have a clue what's going on and you've already had several 'talks', what options do you have left? Just walk away and ignore him for at least 2 weeks. Then you'll know how much he cares. Yes, its tough love but sometimes that's the only thing that will work on a guy who can't decide. You're not going to talk him into anything, or wish him into anything.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Your male/female counterpart, have you dated or been involved with one? Posted: 10/21/2008 2:48:14 PM
One of my first serious boyfriends was just like me, I think I was 18. We even had the same birthday. It was the easiest relationship I ever had. Unfortunately we lived too far apart to see each other as much as we wanted, so we sadly went our own ways.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Is it possible to just be friends after deeper feelings are there? Posted: 9/27/2008 4:53:30 PM
I agree with the majority that being friends isn't worth the pain. I couldn't be friends with someone I was passionate about. It would hurt to see him with other girls and/or happy with another. Sure if you are the dumper it sounds all good & well, but it may be pretty hard on the dumpee. Why prolong the pain of losing someone you really care about.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

Seeking Advice Posted: 9/11/2008 2:17:07 PM
You are doing everything for her, comforting her, making dinner, etc. etc., why would she give that up? You are giving her your all and what do you get in return? She will not respect you because you are being her puppy, so to speak. You cater to her and she knows it. Girls don't want guys who they can control, they may say they do but they'll dump him eventually, looking for a man with a strong personality and self assurance. Just trying to keep you from getting your heart stomped on. Good luck.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Met a new guy and need opinions Posted: 8/21/2008 1:42:59 PM
Seeing you once a week is not a big deal. But he goes out every night? I don't know anyone who goes out every night, so I'd wonder what & why. Yeah its early in the relationship but I'd be careful. He may be telling you just enough to cover his tracks.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 91 (view)

Your date knew YOU weren't the one when... Posted: 8/20/2008 12:57:53 PM
When I couldn't get excited about being 2nd 'mom' to his baby twin boys. He really, really wanted me to step right up into that position, but I already had 3 of my own. Ack. But he did drunk dial me for weeks after that, lol.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

How Much Credence Do Women Put On A Guy's Astrological Sign? Posted: 8/20/2008 12:51:55 PM
I like the Chinese astrology stuff, its entertainment. But I gotta say being a Rat I tend to have fun & long relationships with those Dragons, ha.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This? Posted: 8/20/2008 11:08:27 AM
I have chatted at length with guys online only to find out they still weren't who they said they were. So I'm all for meeting up soon. However, set a coffee or lunch date for a week or so in advance and continue communicating until that time. That way you will learn a little bit more before the actual meetup, but still don't "waste" weeks of your time.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 367 (view)

guys, women who squirt.... Posted: 8/14/2008 7:47:47 PM
I don't see how you can hold yourself back which is one of the reasons I even started. Completely letting go is how I find my thing and yes at first I was horrified, until I realized my guy thought it was awesome. It all mixes together anyway and sex is the perfect ending for all that passion. :)

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 85 (view)

The Gym Posted: 8/7/2008 10:53:51 AM
I'm not opposed to meeting someone at the gym, as mine is a smaller one with a regular crowd. A lot of us chat with each other during breaks, tease, etc. But what is annoying are the newbies that make it obvious they're following you around. And if I'm running on the treadmill its hard to talk to anyone anyway.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 95 (view)

Guyspeak - Is this what he is really saying? Posted: 8/2/2008 8:59:27 PM
Thanks ya'll. The opinions on here are varied and interesting. For six weeks he behaves completely "boyfriendish". Calling every day, emailing, making dates, holding my hand, meeting his friends, etc, etc. Then does a complete turnaround in one night. So I ask "If you aren't looking for a girlfriend why did you ask me out in first place??" I think I have my answer.

swspice

Joined: 8/23/2007

Msg: 77 (view)

Guyspeak - Is this what he is really saying? Posted: 8/1/2008 8:26:00 PM
Ok David the reason I say that is, up until the last 10 days our relationship had been mostly non-physical. Then it changed. After he left for a week out of the country where he had no cell service. Called me at least 5 or 6 times borrowing someone else's phone. Called me the minute he got back into town for me to come see him, I did, it was immediately physical. The next night, more talk & cuddling, but intimate, he tells me he is not looking for a girlfriend. Next day he leaves town again not so far away & haven't heard a word.

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