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hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 150 (view)

Relationships and Affairs Posted: 1/6/2008 4:57:39 PM
Quote: Not at all. I'm here to discuss it. As I mentioned in a previous post people justify a partner's affair as a reason to get a divorce and all the consequences that entails. What justifies that action? What harm was done? Dave, I see by your profile you are married. Let me put a question to you. What would you do if you found your wife was having an affair that lasted years, but she didn't tell you. You found out though other people? Do you think you would be OK with this and not at all hurt by it? Would you consider it a break of trust? Personally I see it as a breach of trust. When I said my vows, it was about a partnership in life. To love, HONOR, and obey. If I want to screw around I don't get married. If I screw around, I break the trust and do not honor my commitment. So its personal. You want to screw around thats your business. You shouldn't question other peoples reasons to HONOR their commitment and why.

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 141 (view)

Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless? Posted: 1/6/2008 4:27:55 PM
Y E S Y O U H A V E D I S C O V E R E D T H E T R U TH... WE ARE EMOTIONLESS S E X M A C H I N E S.... N O W W E W I L L H A V E T O E L I M I N A T E Y O U T O P R O T E C T O U R S E C R E T F R O M T H E O T H E R R E P O S I T O R Y U N I T S..... ZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPP...

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

The Silent Treatment ... the Flip Side Posted: 1/6/2008 4:11:23 PM
Hello56... this is getting too confusing.. lmao... the quote you put in your last post wasn't mine.....(well, some of it was, but most of it wasn't) I'm goin to my cave now... I'm in need of reflecting Oooops, Maybe I should too. Where am i?

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

The Silent Treatment ... the Flip Side Posted: 1/6/2008 3:45:38 PM
Quote: "Unfortunately, there are those who scurry to the cave to avoid any and all discussion of the problems at hand, forevermore. They slink out of their cave in hopes that their partner will forget or give up on working the problem through. " Sorry... hello56. that wasn't quite what I was meaning. I put it across poorly. It is the frequency and length of cave time that I take issue with." Stovetop, no apology necessary. Some people use the Cave to avoid confrontation. I do not. Mine is more of a way to retreat into a place where I can concentrate. It is not something that pops up when the ex and I were argueing, more likely when I have problems at work or around the house i need to figure out....

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

The Silent Treatment ... the Flip Side Posted: 1/6/2008 3:20:37 PM
Quote" Unfortunately, there are those who scurry to the cave to avoid any and all discussion of the problems at hand, forevermore. They slink out of their cave in hopes that their partner will forget or give up on working the problem through. Gardennut, That sounds more like avoidence then caving...

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

The Silent Treatment ... the Flip Side Posted: 1/6/2008 3:17:47 PM
Qoute" I respect "the cave" and need for time to reflect on matters.... I do Not respect that he/she goes into "the cave" without explaining to me that they just want cave time. Then when questioned on the silence it is suggested that i am reading too much into it without further explanation. Stovetop, sometimes I will just kinda go there when I have something I need to think about. It isn't like I was on a schedule and could say "OK I'll be cavin here so don't talk for awhile. It just happens. The hard part is she wouldn't believe I wasn't trying to ignore her and accuse me of not wanting to talk to her... Oh well. Thats not a problem anymore...

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

The Silent Treatment ... the Flip Side Posted: 1/6/2008 2:54:49 PM
Slaffa, Well said, I am a cave person. Sometimes I almost go into a trance when working on a problem and if my Ex would say something, I would sort of hear it but it wouldn't register quite right until I came out of it. I was always getting accused of not listening when I was caving. Now with my hearing and the cave time, don't even try to talk to me

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Is sarcasm the new sexy? Posted: 1/6/2008 1:45:50 PM
I find I am sarcastic mostly when it comes too politics. I am not sarcastic with people in general just with polititians.. I think I have good reason to be. Been around long enough to know they're mostly BS anyway.

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 640 (view)

can you trust some one once they cheat? Posted: 12/20/2007 11:28:34 AM
" Well firstly the "99%" figure had a VERY specific set of circumstances attached to it that you CHOSE to conveniently miss so you could squease your own particular "woe is me" sob story in even tho it doesnt even come close to the scenario that WAS attached to the figure (check back as if you need to)"" Sorry Cunning, but your entire thread has been about exonerating the cheater and blaming MOST of the problem on the victim. So to claim specificity on your 99% number is a cop out. Secondly, I am not looking for any sympathy. I chose to stayed as long as I did and try to work it out, shame on me. I just think your "blame the victim not the cheater counsel" is a great way for people who cheat to justify their actions. "See its your fault I can't keep my pants on everytime we hit a bump in the road. " Also, if you really are a counselor, I guess my ex may have a point about complete stangers not being able to help her. She would have loved to hear it wasn't her fault. Nothing that has ever happened to her has ever been her fault so who knows you probably would of got lucky. You want her number???

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 139 (view)

What is the difference between Having Sex and Making Love Posted: 12/19/2007 5:32:21 PM
Well to be honest, I can have sex with anybody, including my self. But I only make love to the one I love..... Same motions different Emotions...

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 201 (view)

Pets in Bed Posted: 12/19/2007 5:28:18 PM
[/There is only one type of animal I want in my bed...a MAN! ] Grrrrrr ruff ruff......

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Retirement Plans? Posted: 12/19/2007 5:21:57 PM
Good for you Maggie... Good luck...

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Retirement Plans? Posted: 12/19/2007 4:57:10 PM
I thought I was going to have a pretty decent retirment. Now with the divorce and having to give up 1/2 of my 401K and at my age, I guess I'll just have to eat more soup and tuna instead of Steak and lobster.

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Self Evaluation??? Posted: 12/19/2007 4:51:40 PM
To not evaluate ones self seems foolish to me. To go through life thinking everything I do is cool without a care in the world seems to me a very selfish attitude. We interact with lots of people everyday, some cool others not. I like to evaluate why things happened the way they did andwhat I may have done differently to have a better outcome. Then I may be more prepared to deal better if a similar situation ever comes up again. MHO

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

No response?? Posted: 12/19/2007 4:15:09 PM
I have to agree, I have tried to answer each email I have gotten. But to be honest, I would say 4 out of 5 woman I have sent to I never have gotten any kind of response. I have even had women who were writing to me just drop off the face of the earth with out even a see ya. Human nature, Who can figure it?

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 196 (view)

Pets in Bed Posted: 12/19/2007 4:10:37 PM
My dog is an in and outside dog. Would you sleep outside without anything on the ground? He does, so no to having pets in bed, or even on the furniture.

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 622 (view)

can you trust some one once they cheat? Posted: 12/19/2007 4:01:15 PM
Cunning full of your self.... Where are you getting your 99% of the time figure from? I have known many of guys who cheated just for the sake of getting laid. Period. Not cause they were emotionally tramatized by a c0ld and heartless **** or were noit getting any at home. Just because they couldn't keep it in their pants with a chain and a lock. I was cheated on very early on in my marriage. Even before there was enough time to abuse my wife emotionally and force her into someone else arms. Please, stop trying to justify what some people do to others by claiming there are very few victims. I woud have to strongly disagree with you on that point.

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 618 (view)

can you trust some one once they cheat? Posted: 12/19/2007 1:46:49 PM
When I got married, I vowed to stay through sickness and health, rich or poor, good times and bad, until death... Well I tried to honor those vows. After the third time she cheated that I know about, I just couldn't do it anymore. I guess my love for her and my personal feelings about those vows made me want to try and work it out. When only one is interested in working on a partnership, it won't work. But I still think it was right to try. There were a lot of good times over the years also. So I don't think everyone should give up without trying to at least work it out. Happiness.

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 595 (view)

can you trust some one once they cheat? Posted: 12/18/2007 6:28:52 PM
[The biggest problem with couples that try to get past an incident of infidelity is usually the self proclaimed "victim" who then feels as tho the other person has to "make it up to them" and "prove they can be trusted" and very rarely actually moves past the empowerment of the incident to a place where they have any chance whatsoever of building the relationship how it should have been to begin with So what they call giving someone a "second chance" isnt at all, its a continuation of the first abysmal excuse for a cruddy relationship made worse by any degree of compromise, effort and balance the "victim" might have had before being replaced with a supercillious self important pompousness meaning that whatever was wrong to case the other person to be so unhappy they cheated to begin with will usually be far worse and more exagerated next time around with THEM being expected to bend to breaking point In most cases someone chating on you is a wake up call for some self evaluation, a chance to actually listen for a change and find out where YOU are lacking, but thats too much like hard work and isnt as fun as arrogant dictatorship within a relationship which many feel is what they now have the "right" to exhibit when they have been cheated on But the flaws there are that nobody else can "prove" anything to someone who is so caught up with fear and worry of repetition, because even if the other person wouldnt cheat again their own paranoia and constant looking for "signs" will mean that they will see them even when they arent there They will generally be quite closed and functioning with one foot permanently outside the door to the relationship, which tends to doom them even without an infidelity all by itself over time They lack the ability to trust rather than as claimed that the other person "cant be trusted", and with it lose the ability to believe or hope for positive outcomes with that person So its not so much an ifidelity that dooms a relationship to being irrepairable, its usually the mindset of the self appointed victim milking it for all its worth thereafter that dooms it The people who DO move past it tend to end up with a far stronger and healthier relationship than they had to begin with] Really! How nice of you to always blame the person being cheated on. Sounds to me like YOU are trying to blame someone for your cheating because they didn't take good enough care of you. My ex cheated on me from the begining. more then once. She came from a broken family where the old man was a drunken druggie who beat her mother and left when she was young. But he would come back now and again to screw with her mother. Her attitude towards Extra marrital sex was, as long as she didn't LOVE him, whats the problem, it's just sex. I tried to get her to come to counseling but she wouldn't go because how could a complete stranger help her. I stayed with her for 27 years working on it. So go take your self important psyhco "blame the Victim" crap and stick it...

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 83 (view)

Have you ever loved someone enough to let them go? Posted: 12/18/2007 6:10:06 PM
Hi, First off. It's not up to anyone to let another "Go" . I have had a relationship that ended amicably even though I didn't want it to end . If someone wants to end a relationship, what choice do you have. How can you really prevent them "Going? Just my opinion...

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 69 (view)

Catholicism vs Wiccan Posted: 12/18/2007 5:45:24 PM
Quote... " I dance around the house in long flowy gowns singing Stevie Nicks songs and I am not Wiccan!!!! Anybody can do that! You don't hafta be a witch!!!! " Wow the visual I'm getting is quite enticing

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 66 (view)

Catholicism vs Wiccan Posted: 12/18/2007 5:40:51 PM
Do what you want. This is about the two of you and if you can be happy together.

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Does vegetarianism scare you? Posted: 12/18/2007 4:43:57 PM
It doesn't scare me. What scares me is finding someone who is a vegan / vegetarian, falling for them, and then have them trying to convert me. I like fish and meats, someone else doesn't ... Cool. But anyone who tries to force their beliefs, whatever they are, on others scare me.... Later....

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

What is it with you women always being cold? Posted: 12/18/2007 4:35:10 PM
Custis, It's so we men can warm them up

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 576 (view)

can you trust some one once they cheat? Posted: 12/11/2007 10:53:50 PM
I have been cheated on more then once. I have found that it's not a question of if they will cheat again or not but if you can ever forget it. I forgave her for cheating, more then once, worked through it, but the truth be told, I never forgot it and I think it had an effect on our relationship until the end. She sometimes accused me of being distant and even cold and I am sure that was the reason. When I found out about the last time I just couldn't forgive anymore and ended it. For me, I could never trust a cheater not to cheat again... Thanks for dragging up such painful memories, Why don't you give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it...

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 172 (view)

If you had to choose........ Posted: 12/11/2007 9:35:18 PM
^^^^^ Duhhhh what? Yo are trying to be way to intellectual here. Common sense....

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man? Posted: 12/11/2007 8:39:41 PM
Well, there really is no such thing as perfect. If someone is expecting to find it they will always be disappointed. The way things change over time, what was "perfect" today may be totally flawed the next. Don't worry about the ones looking for perfection. They will be the unhappy ones. Try to hook up with the ones who match you personality wise and enjoy some of the same things you do. Just don't you be the one looking for perfection Good luck

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Online dating takes away time from real Posted: 12/10/2007 5:33:31 PM
Never really met someone in a bar that I ever went on a date with. Not into the bar scene, club scene. I have a washer and dryer at home. Don't get to the library much. And grocery shopping isn't all its craked up to be as far as meeting people. Most woman are really shopping! For me, on line seems like a good choice. Doesn't mean I don't talk to woman when I am out and about, but on line I can take it slow and meet when both are ready.

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 304 (view)

Why don't tall men choose to date tall women? Posted: 12/10/2007 5:20:14 PM
I could go on about this thread for awhile. As a shorter then average guy, I have looked at this situation for my entire life. My theory is that Tall guys have it made.... Most women want someone taller. Thats OK , but when even short women, < 5'3" wants someone who is > 5'7" this cuts the dating pool for guys my height, <5' 5" down to a small percentage of the whole. Maybe you tall women need to start looking at us shorter guys. We are better dates because we appreciate it more.

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

~Flooding ~Copious Sideways Rain!~ Posted: 12/10/2007 5:05:37 PM
Hi J, I was up to my sisters new place in Winlock Wa, this week and we went up to Chehalis to check out the flooding. I feel so bad for those people. The water in places was over 10 ft deep and somewhere in the nieghborhood of 1000 dairy cows drown as well as other livestock. My heart goes out to all who have been through such hardship.... Best wishes all.... D

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Anyone out there? Hello? Posted: 12/10/2007 4:53:33 PM
There is a flicker here and there. Welcome... I check Email and forums during breaks at work. Gets boring here and it's nice to know there are other people out there. Drugs seem to be getting worse everywhere. Part of the reason for my upcoming divorce is drugs. I don't want them in my life, she doesn't want to give them up.... See ya.. Meth has slowed down, but that just means something else will fill the void. Addictive people will always find something to scratch the itch. Talk again sometime...

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 190 (view)

Our aging bodies Posted: 12/10/2007 4:36:23 PM
As indiana Jones said, "It's not the age it's the miles". I know mind wise I feel much younger than I am. But the body is a little beat up. Bum shoulder, bum knee, bad feet, quirky back.... How do you keep in top shape when everything hurts? So for me to be overly selective about someones physical condition would be a bit hypocritical. Just as long as it's within reason.

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 47 (view)

THEY CRIED WOLF! Posted: 12/4/2007 6:14:46 PM
When people drag around the past like a ball and chain around their ankle, their future is always a step ahead of them. All they have is to dwell and feel sorry and want validation for their excuses. You can listen, but you can't fix them. Only they can help themselfs. If you have the patience to be a shoulder, thats cool. If not then you will only give them more reason to pity themselfs when you snap and tell them off. Only you can decide... D

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

women who like shorter men Posted: 12/4/2007 6:01:54 PM
Once had an older gentleman tell me its always better to date taller women. His reasoning was : "In bed, When your toe to toe your nose is in it, and when your nose to nose your toes are in it. " Now I have never really dated anyone more then 1 " taller so I was not able to test that theory. I do know that the majority of woman, including shorter women, are attracted to taller men. They have actually done studies on this and the facts are indisputable, Check for yourself. Majority of womens profiles on other dating site that show this want someone at least 4" taller. My guess is the high heel thing. So Deny I guess guys like us just don't have the same opportunity as taller men..... Sigh....Who said short people got no reason....?

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

would you or wouldn't you ? Posted: 12/4/2007 5:38:39 PM
Hi, I guess that depends on your definition of dating. If it is an intimate relationship, my opinion is no. If it is casual dating, I think it is not so bad as they are really just friends at that point and what good is only one friend? I was married for 27 years. Before that I was with only two other woman in my life. One was my high school sweet heart. I think I deserve a little R&R before I get totally connected to someone for the rest of my life. Does that mean I am looking to play the field? In a sense, yes. I would like to take time to enjoy some things and meet new people. But I am not looking to go on a sexual free for all. Thats not my style. Doesn't mean it is not others style but I can't answer for them. And if I happen to meet someone that has that hypnotic effect, I am not going to fight it.

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

No response?? Posted: 12/4/2007 5:24:01 PM
I believe everyone gets the no response or disappearing Chat friend trick. Lifes too short to worry about it. There are so many different personalities out there that chances are a real connection would not have happened anyway. Be glad for gettin it over quickly. As for the disappearing trick it could be they found someone and do not want to continue with others out of a sense of honor. Maybe they had other issues and had to go away, who knows. Of coarse dropping a little note couldn't hurt. I guess you should have a bit of a thick skin to look for someone in this manner. D

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

why am I offending everyone? Is it wrong to ask a lot of personal questions? Posted: 12/4/2007 4:51:54 PM
I can see both sides of this post. On the judged side of this, as a shorter then Average man, I am judged on my height in the majority of womans profiles. Most woman who view me dont email me or respond to emails from me. I am judged not dateable right from the git go. Anyone who has criteria in their profiles are Prejudging. On the judging side of things, I am only interested in dating woman that are physically attractive to me, and have similar intellectual quirks. Shallow? Yes. My life? Again yes. Why shouldn't I have the right to judge what I want in my life and not what the "Good People" of this society deems acceptable? The best advice I ever got on this subject was " You are who you are. If other people have a problem with that, its their problem not yours".... Peace and good will to all

hello?56

Joined: 8/26/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Where would you be? Posted: 12/4/2007 4:25:06 PM
I would be back in my childhood home with all my family still amoung us to spend one more Christmas together. All the decorations are up and a big pot of moms Kielbasa and sourkraut simmering on the stove. The Yule log burning away on the TV while Bing Crosby sings White Christmas and Dad, a little tipsey, tells "Twas a German Christmas " to the older crowd and the young ones get ready to go out and sing Carols through the nieghborhood.

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