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 Author Thread: Are all women nuts?/Where are all the good ones at?
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Are all women nuts?/Where are all the good ones at?
Posted: 8/4/2009 10:26:00 PM
Yes women are all batsh!t crazy.. didn't you know? That's why you let us raise your children

good grief

First of all you are ex-military and also law enforcement, usually a type A personality.. sometimes with control or leadership needs, or at least some rigidity to your personality. There is an element of danger and power there just through your career choices. Chances are you may attract women who have either issues with authority and like a challenge or are looking to be controlled. (not necessarily in an abusive way).

Your partners have been young, another issue because they may not have yet got the partying out of their system, and young women frequently need oodles (and I mean OODLES) of attention to feel "loved" and/or good about themselves - not easy to do if you aren't there. They will find a way to get those ego needs met. By attention I mean they need to feel sexually powerful because they probably haven't yet found other ways to bolster their self-esteem other than by their sexual power and attractiveness. They need to feel they have you completely wrapped around their finger sexually to believe that you love them.. and that they are lovable.

It isn't a matter of good or bad, it's a matter of understanding the women you are attracted to/fall for.. and what their needs are if you choose to keep dating the same kind of women.

Finding a woman who has a broader base for herself (job, career, school... anything that doesn't have to do with grinding at a rave or getting plastered every weekend with her - mostly single- friends) is probably a good place to start. Boredom is the WORST thing, so a woman who sits around at home all day isn't the best choice.

You also have to look at the common denominator - you. Seriously, try to see what contribution you made to these situations , or lack of contribution. The only person we can change is ourselves... you will attract what you believe you deserve, and that belief only comes from true accomplishment and confidence and selflessness (a paradox I know, but it's true)

Finally.. and I say this as an older, hopefully wiser woman. Work on the intimacy and sex thing. When I'm with someone who rings my bell really well and does it from the heart I have no desire for anyone else.. and if he also takes the time to really LISTEN to me (not to fix, just listen and try to understand me) there is no guy in the world who could turn my head. No one.
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Guys n Gals? When & How to set the expectation???
Posted: 8/4/2009 9:52:26 PM
OMG!

really!

a meeting and some guys expect.. no, physically assaults and try to coerce you into unwanted and unwarranted touching?

Sorry.. that is abusive and unacceptable behavior. NOT a gentleman at all. More like a date rapist.

I have been dating for the good part of 27 years... there is no way in hell I let any man I barely know start groping me, or swapping spit after a 2 hour date. And if he pushed the issue then I know he's got a sense of entitlement and a lack of respect for me that does not bode well. It's a red flag honey.

If he isn't interested in getting to know you better before being a pig horndog.. meaning if your PERSONALITY isn't enough to hold his interest for another date, or maybe a couple more then he's not worth your time, and could even be a dangerous. It's all about respect, and any decent, evolved man will know when a kiss or a touch is appropriate, either by ASKING for your permission (It's YOUR BODY) or by being experienced and astute enough to notice that you reciprocate those feeling and are open to it.

My last date went very well, we spent way more than a couple of hours together.. Paid for my night out (we had discussed this before - he told me the pleasure of my company was worth it, and we agreed if we saw each other again it would be my treat) even made a few fairly innocent innuendo's, flirted a bit.. and when he took me to my door... after an awkward moment he kissed me CLOSED MOUTH, softly, very briefly, told me he had a really great time and would like to see me again. The feeling of tenderness, and sincerity and respect he showed was more than enough to make me anticipate our next date all week with butterflies. And he's a biker.

THAT'S an example of appropriate adult behavior with someone you barely know on a first meeting. Lunch dates are even better.

Best suggestion and a great safety tip - take your own car, meet them at the restaurant or wherever. You don't need these jerks knowing where you live before you have had a chance to feel them out - also that gives you the control as to how much space you feel comfortable giving them with your person. Also.. have a girlfriend on speed dial and tell her you are going on a date with someone new, in case you need support at some point. You may never use it, but just knowing they are there for you and will be available if you need them is invaluable.

Be careful, but also have fun, most guys are alright, maybe look at the kind of guys you are meeting - there may be a common thread somewhere. Then date someone different.

Good luck!
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 293 (view)
 
Why are single moms so open to having additional children by another man?
Posted: 8/4/2009 9:27:31 PM
I am not touching that...

I hate polls and stats anyway.

For every child.. and every single mom, there is a guy out there who contributed, however slightly, to that. EVERY SINGLE CHILD HAS A FATHER SOMEWHERE, and every single mom had a partner, of whatever duration.

Unless immaculate conception has become a reality and no one told me.

Unfortunately, because of biology and social factors it is usually women who end up raising the children, or at least spending the most time with them. I'd really like to see what would happen if all those children who were born out of wedlock, or were the victims of divorce or whatever the circumstances were that created a single household.. went to live with their dads, full time. ALL OF THEM.

OMG!!!! The world would stop turning. And there would be no more conception... well rarely, if ever.

This is in NO WAY a put down to those marvelous men who are raising their children on their own, or those who would love to have more time with their children. My point is that children happen.. as do human mistakes, failure of birth control and the disintegration of relationships. It's LIFE.. children are the fruit of being human. Most people reproduce at some point.... some unthinkingly, others with joyful anticipation...

I don't know if "single moms" are open to having more children, as a whole, some are, some aren't. Me, I'm done breeding, and for all intensive purposes am not all that interested in taking on another's children either. But that's probably because I'm too damn old to start over. I'm looking forward to some me time. But who knows - I may meet someone who has kids and it just works out that we blend families. Life throws us curve balls frequently I've noticed.

If it's a matter of an attitude of "another man's child" and illegitimacy.. good grief, what is this the Victorian age? ALL children are precious... regardless of their genetics - they didn't have much choice in the matter did they? and I would think that in loving someone, love also for whoever is essentially a part of them and an EXTREMELY important part of their lives would also be important to you.

I was raised by my Grandma and Step-Grandpa, who also raised my dad (not his) no one would ever have guessed we were not his biologically. He was a most remarkable, open-minded and loving person.. a man of honour. My mom's second husband was more a father to me than my own. He offered to adopt me at age 27! He was also the male role model to my daughter whom he absolutely adored. My sisters (half) are almost 20 years younger than I am.. but we are very close, there is no lack of bond or love there. My full brother and I don't get along at all.

Love isn't always about blood, and people make mistakes, or have horrible things happen and have to go on - thankfully most go on to adapt, grow and love the cards handed to them by life. If people can find love a second time, no matter what their past I would hope that they could share that love with ALL their children.

Sometimes I get sad reading these forums because of the self-righteous, judgmental and half masticated, much less well digested, misinformed and frankly hateful worldviews of some.

Walk a mile in another mans moccasins before.. pull the log out of ones own eye before the splinter in your brothers.... well, you get the point.

Tolerance, understanding and compassion are sadly lacking in our world...

I'm tired and cranky now... and disheartened.

Peace
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 111 (view)
 
Would Single Moms Do it over Again?
Posted: 8/4/2009 8:38:54 PM
I don't think I ever planned to be a "single mom", but my daughters father passed away shortly after she was born.. and there it was. I was 32, had never wanted to be a mother before, and had this tiny little beautiful being who looked at me with fascination and adoration and perfect trust. It was an experience that was like no other. I also had my grief. That was the hardest time.. a new mom who knew nothing about babies, and the loss of my husband and my home (couldn't afford it on my own) ...bittersweet times.

There was no real choice involved though, and with a small child you just cope and adjust and deal with it. But I did know that I didn't want to get involved with someone just to have a male figure in her life. Not fair to anyone. I also knew that she was my priority, and I chose to remain single for most of her early childhood.

I had a couple of relationships since then, but none that solidified to true permanence. I have found that I prefer being the sole parent. I was lucky that my stepfather adored her and provided a fabulous loving and positive male role model for her before he also passed away a few years back. My mom is a gem and has helped me by giving me a night to myself 2 or 3 times a month since my daughter was weaned, and by believing in my ability to be a good mother. They are very close, Nana and her.

However.. being a mom has changed me in ways I can't even begin to describe. Sometimes I think she has given me far more than I have ever given her. I am a FAR better person now... she has made it possible for me to become more mature, more responsible, more resourceful, more confident, more ambitious and the best of all - she has helped me get my sense of play back, the wackiness of children, the spontenaiety, the silliness. She has helped me regain my youthfulness while also nurturing my maturity. All this just by being the one person in my life who depended on me, and whom I accepted unconditionally.

The love and protectiveness and warmth I have experienced being a mom has, honestly been the best experience of my life.

Has it been tough? Hardest thing I ever did... on with only on the job training! Also the most rewarding.

I have to work hard, put myself through College to add to my degree so I could provide for the two of us. I refused to be a welfare mom, it wasn't for me. It was important to me that my daughter see what a woman can do, by herself, that women have strength of their own and have value other than being a partner to a man.

But dedication to my career, and being there to share her life, guide her and be her biggest fan.. and trying to be all things can get really exhausting. I'm just learning now how to refill the well by taking better care of myself.

I think that now, after 10 years I would not want to, or maybe not be able to, share my parenting with someone. We have too tight of a bond - and a pretty solid lifestyle now. It would be a disruption and at 10 I doubt she could accept another man she barely knows as a "father", role model maybe, big brother type, mentor, friend.. maybe, but the days of introducing a "DAD" to her are pretty much over. She will be a young woman soon (ack!) and is already viewing boys and men differently than even a year ago.

Finances are the hardest. Her dad left us almost nothing except her survivors pension and my widows pension which just covers the groceries. We were not prepared. I can't give her as much as I want to, or do as many things as I would like to with her. But we have a warm and comfy place to live, decent clothes, I can afford decent chid care when I am at work, at least one extra- curricular activity or sport per year, sometimes two, healthy food and enough to enjoy an outing once in a while or get a treat.

Do it again? Hell yes! If I knew then what I know now I might even have decided to begin AS a single mom. I just would have planned it better financially and career-wise, and put more thought and effort into providing positive caring male role models for her.

In NO WAY do I consider being a single mom something to be ashamed of, or a hardship. It's the best thing that ever happened to me.. and I learned about real love, unconditional rip your heart out, you only want the best for another person kind of love. I just hope I can be the mother, the foundation, that my daughter needs to be the best she can be and create a great life for herself. All I can do is try to love her and support her and be there for her to the best of my ability.

This Poem, is one I cherish and have on my wall.
It sums up what I think is truth about our role in our child's life.
It keeps me from being too possessive and over-protective.

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Admit it: Which kids shows do u like?
Posted: 8/4/2009 7:36:33 PM
Spongebob, and Fairly Odd Parents (hilarious), Ruby Gloom, Kid Vs. Kat, for the current ones. I also like Mystery Hunters and the one where the kids punk each other.. forget the name. There is another one about a school and the kids that go there (cartoon) that is a humour gem, but I'm not good with names.

I love my Ruby Gloom tote bag.. hey! No one ever said I HAD to be mature all the time.

iCarly is cute and sometimes even clever, Hannah makes me want to vomit, same with Britney's little sisters show (bimbo's in training - good grief) and the Suite Life of Zack and Cody is the WORST SHOW EVER, well... after Bob Saget and that horrid cheesey show he was on with the Olsen twins. Thankfully I have a girl and have not had to watch Bakugan or too much Power ranger, ninja turtle, pokemon stuff - though I did enjoy the odd episode here and there of Pokemon. The Rescue Rangers was alright.. if a bit too trite and formula driven.

When my kid was younger, Blues Clues, Bill Nye the Science Guy, Maggie and the Ferocious Beast, Little Bear (the most harmless and relaxing show EVER, perfect for toddler bedtime) and my fave.... Piggly Winks!

The Wiggles must die! My skin crawls just thinking about them. Barney is right up there on the slap list also.

Old School - Anything with Bugs Bunny and crew, Rocky and Bullwinkle (not reaaalllly for kids, quite a bit of dark dry wit and innuendo, but I didn't know it then), Little Rascals (yes, the original - amazing kids) ... I could go on..

ANYTHING by Pixar

Sometimes the kids shows are better than the other stuff on TV.
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 151 (view)
 
...A Sexual Relationship WITHOUT Emotional Attachments...
Posted: 8/4/2009 5:41:53 PM
I think it's more than possible...

However I do not think that there would be NO emotional attachment whatsoever, personally I would have to actually like the person to have sex with them, and I would have to find them attractive.. it would have to be a friendship (there's no good sex without trust IMHO)

But.. and maybe it's my age, and the fact that I enjoy my time alone and have a demanding career. Or maybe it's because I have been married and divorced, and widowed - been there, done that. I am far past the "starting a family" thing... I'm not a very dependent person. I relish my freedom to come and go as I please.. yes I could see some kind of mutual arrangement with someone whom I respected, was attracted to and liked, but wasn't "ga-ga" over. There would be no financial complications, or parenting issues... there could be quite a few benefits to it.

After a while "BOB" just doesn't cut it. There is something about sharing yourself sexually with another person that no toy can quite duplicate.

It's more appealing than a one night stand with someone you hardly know.

Maybe I've come to see that the hormones and chemicals released during the "dating and honeymoon phase" are just that.. chemicals. THAT is not real love.. it is infatuation... and after enough experience it becomes apparent that it fades, rather predictably in about 6 months to 2 years. It isn't real. THAT's when you make a decision to stay or go, to love this person (Love is an action and a choice, not a feeling, something I'm beginning to understand) or go in search of the chemicals that feel so good.

Real love... like I feel for my mom, or my child.. or my best friend.. and for the few men I have been with long enough to get past the chemical rush and get to know their soul has little to do with sex. (Funny, the people I REALLY love I take as they are.. hmmm...and I don't hold them to me like a life preserver) Sexual expression of real love with a beloved partner is a wondrous and (I believe) rare thing..and can greatly enhance the relationship, BUT! if the sex was removed (example - your partner develops a disease which renders them incapable of sex) the LOVE is still there. Chemicals be damned... real love isn't based on sex.

Honestly..., I believe I have fooled myself in the past into believing I really "loved" a few people in my life because of my (unrecognized) sexual needs and wants, and probably abandonment issues.. or whatever other insecurities I harbored as a younger person. Fear of being alone, or unloved (unlovable?) or whatever. Looking back at those particular experiences I now see that real love was not truly part of the picture. I was actually pretty dishonest and selfish, even if I was oblivious to my self-deception. In a way, I held those people hostage to my own unrecognized fear, needs and insecurities.. in the name of love. Sad.

I have issues with the whole "morality" thing. Sex (oooo that's a dirty thing only acceptable under the cloak of "Love") Why does love make it any less dirty? really? I've had it both ways.. with someone I truly and deeply care about and with someone whom I COULD NOT have known well enough to have that deep concern for (Sorry but dating someone for a month and sleeping with them does not qualify as a deep connection - we don't really get to know someone for at least a good year of spending time with them and building trust and intimacy - That's the truth of it) and the sex, for me, though ALWAYS better with a real beloved, was still pretty darn good. Morality, in some ways, can be a great disguise for personal discomfort with ones own deep or disowned needs which are then projected onto others. That's why some women who have chosen to fulfill their needs without shame get labelled "sluts", it's pure jealousy in a lot of cases, and also fear that if 'she' can enjoy herself it's possible for others too.. and a lot of people are TERRIFIED of their own desires. They fear losing control of themselves in their desires (we all have em) or they fear that that woman will rob them of their partner, real or potential. Some men fear it because female sexuality has been controlled by men for many thousands of years (for various reasons) and people fear losing control (for many reasons) but I think also because female sexuality can be a very potent and powerful thing.. maybe even a bit frightening. So sex is it is a very powerful drive.. and the whole "love" thing puts kind of a fence around it... it CONTROLS it. That makes people feel more secure, I guess. In themselves and with their partners.

I don't think it is immoral to have sex with someone you don't have a deep attachment and commitment to - IF one is honest about it, I DO think it is immoral to have a deep attachment and commitment to someone to have sex, or to secure a sexual supply.

I think it is immoral to have sex with someone you are married to when you just really don't feel that way about them and LIE TO THEM about your feelings.... to have a cushy 'secure' home life and social respectability. Especially if you are having affairs on the side or betraying that person in some way. It's dishonest, self-absorbed and despicable. It's dishonorable.

I think it is immoral to lie to oneself and another to have sex (players are just ONE example)

I think it is immoral to have sex without any concern for the others health and well-being.. whether you know them well or not.

It is immoral to have sex with anyone you are in authority over (see below)

I KNOW it is immoral to have sex, or gratify oneself sexually with those unable to give informed consent or against their will (this includes extremely intoxicated people, children, animals, emotionally distraught persons, mentally handicapped, or mentally ill persons.. etc... )

BUT... To have a mutually agreed upon relationship, between consenting adults, hopefully discreet, to fulfill each others needs, with respect and honesty, doesn't seem all that immoral to me. Actually it seems rather enlightened in a way - if not enlightened than at least honest.

This said, yes, I think it's possible, maybe for some preferable... how long term would depend on the people involved, their level of self-honesty and comfort with their wants, desires, needs and boundaries, their independence and respect for the emotional well-being and spiritual health of both parties.

I guess when it comes down to it that I can't close my mind to the possibility, though I am in search of nothing in particular. Life works better when I let it happen.

Peace
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 283 (view)
 
Why do so few women seek only sex??
Posted: 7/15/2009 6:43:59 PM
Because:

Men who are emotionally invested are more likely to WANT to please a woman, and since as a rule men are aroused and can finish way quicker than a lot of women I'm thinking it hasn't actually been something that was all that fantastic for women to pursue.

No incentive really during a one night stand, get your rocks off kind of thing for a guy to go out of his way to take the time a lot of women need/want to really enjoy it

It does happen, and things are changing... but I think mostly that's the reason

and the social stigma - there are still a ton of women out there who are very judgemental about this. I'm actually stunned to hear women my age say, "oh.. I could NEVER sleep with a man I wasn't in love with", and it's said in a way where those who could are looked at with disgust. It's subtle, but it's still there.

sad but true

I prefer sex when I'm involved. I've had it both ways (guilt free) and it's better when the emotions are there, for me. But I don't judge anyone who is a consenting adult and not hurting anyone in the process.
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 38 (view)
 
career-oriented people ....
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:21:16 AM
hmmm.. interesting

I wasn't aware that a lot of men still think that some women are still looking for a meal ticket and status when they date a man.

After finally realizing that the traditional roles are mostly gone in our society and releasing the childhood fantasies of fairytales it came to me that I needed to fulfill myself in the area of career. That I need more purpose to life than being a partner and mother (an adjunct to others - however necessary and rewarding that can be) Or I was not a whole person.

I'm not one of those who believes that what one does to support oneself is not important - it's as important as breathing. Doing something that brings an outlet for growth, creativity, and self-respect is something I believe is vital to having a good life. Doesn't really matter what that is (as long as it is legal) for each person has different needs. But it IS a essential part of becoming a whole and complete person.

There is nothing more miserable than someone who hates their job, and feels trapped in it, or is ashamed of what they do. I have serious difficulties with those who live to work, but I also have problems with those who work, "just for a paycheque". ESPECIALLY if they have no other interests - we've all seen them, they get injured and can't work, or come to retirement and depression and sometimes addictions take over because they weren't well rounded to begin with.. they turn into cranky SOB's, develop heart problems or cancer and die too young. It is a pattern I have noticed. and it's akin to some women who spend most of their life looking after others and when they leave are completely devastated because they had nothing else in their lives to rely on.

Reading through the posts I also noticed that the main focus was on men's careers - but if you look around many women also have careers (not just jobs) today, which are fulfilling and sometimes demanding. In my field you can't progress by only working 9-5, unless you wish to stay at the bottom just doing the easy part, and what you are told. As any career person will know you have to go the extra step, do more than you are asked, bring fresh ideas to the table.. etc... constantly upgrade your skills, etc...

This can be difficult if you have children to care for, or are a partner. The balance can be like walking a tightrope and I suspect that quite a few men have not extrapolated that what was "normal" for them to do traditionally - when they had the support of a wife at home (childcare, home management, business entertaining, emotional support etc..)- woman are now trying to do while also BEING the support at home for their children and partners. I have found, sadly, that some men find it very difficult to support a woman's career as much as they would expect to be supported. Ambition seems to be something these certain men do not respect or admire in women.

It takes a serious amount of unselfishness for two people with careers to be there for one another, time management becomes a minefield, children are a scheduling nightmare (and they deserve our attention and guidance so you can't let that suffer) A career has it's requirements on time, attention, mental and physical energy that can be quite draining. Not easy at all.

However, when you really love your job it gives many rewards, and I believe it makes you a better person all around. Self-esteem, accomplishment, financial rewards, etc... I get things from my work that no person could give me, and that's an important consideration.

I'd have a hard time with someone who wasn't growing in his occupation - who didn't get something important to his 'self' from what he did 8 or more hours a day.

That said - yes I do look at a man's occupation, and what his attitude is towards it. But money is not the main consideration (though one of my requirements is that he be self-supporting or educating himself) Nor is status - it's more subtle than that. Basically it comes down to: "Is he doing something he loves, is good at and is fulfilled by". That could be almost anything (I have a few biases in the career arena which are my own, from experience, but are not relevant to this post).
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Please explain Love
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:56:40 PM
Love

one expression of love is knowing you are not good for each other, or have grown in different directions, or can not fulfill one another's needs, and letting the other go their way, but still wishing them, from the bottom of your 'self', the very best life has to offer.

or watching your loved one make a mistake, one that is very painful, and NOT saying, "I told you so", but rather, "take my hand... and we can walk through this together for a while, if you want.

Kahlil Gibran wrote the most amazing poem about parenting:

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.


I will have achieved what I consider real love on the day that I can apply this wisdom to a partner as well as my child.

For each of us has a journey to make through life, and rarely is that journey neat, tidy or predictable...
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 93 (view)
 
How rare are really good Lovers?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:00:44 PM
In my experience, extremely rare

Two in my life, just two, that were unbelievably good lovers. That got me thinking as to the why.. why? what made them different?

First I'd have to say that there was the "chemistry"... not just attractedness, but that, even when you are angry with them they still turn you on" sort of thing. I truly believe it's chemical (pheremones?), because there is no other excuse for it. The first one I despised at the end of out LTR, but I still thought he was incredibly hot. Nope, no actual sanity there - just animal attraction. I haven't seen him in 17 years, and I'd put money on it that if we bumped into each other tomorrow that we would still be sexually attracted to each other.

The second, the same sort of chemistry - so yes, I believe it takes two.

THEY TOOK THEIR TIME.. there was no rush, no expectation - the bedroom (or wherever) became a place to play, to explore, to relax and enjoy

They treated my entire body like they treated the "erogenous zones". wow

They both had staying power, meaning that one time, or 5 minutes wasn't enough, to even start... 95% of the time (hey a quickie has it's place) They truly enjoyed sex, and not just for the orgasm, or end result. Some nights were mornings by the time we were done. Flirting and other innuendo play & verbal foreplay was entwined in daily life.. the heat was always on, even at a simmer.

They both enjoyed oral sex, really loved it - not just to make me feel a certain way, but because they loved it... like a cherished hobby or passionate interest! lol

They had no shame, sexually - they accepted all of their sexuality as normal, for them, whether "mainstream" or not. Self-acceptance is a powerful thing. Yet they respected mine too, as well as my limits.

They had, and had cultivated skill... and took pride in it. They enjoyed their knowledge of female sexuality AND knew that each woman is different and were happy to explore and find out how I was different.. and this is the clincher, they got as much pleasure from my pleasure as they did their own... if not more. They both 'got' that intercourse was just one of the many sexual and sex-related activities that can be very pleasing and weren't hung up on it as the end all and be all.

They had the courage to confide their deepest fantasies, yet in a way that I didn't feel pressured by them.

In those cases, it was a dance.. everything flowed, everything was accepted and there was TRUST. Without trust, great sex is nearly impossible.

They never asked the question, "was I good", "did you get off" (if I did and you didn't notice, ummm... you weren't paying attention, or maybe you weren't there) or anything along those lines... ego seeking questions I guess.

I can't say for sure how I contributed to these experiences other than I try to be as genuine and honest and open as possible - you'd have to ask them, but as I said above - I believe it takes two. I'm sure that one woman's fab lover, no matter how skilled, could be a dud for me.

That's what I have come up with...

Rare

And I'm still wondering if this kind of sex comes with a great relationship too.. I've heard rumours but...

:)
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
An outside perspective wanted.
Posted: 7/3/2009 5:37:16 PM
Soooooo...

Basically you are looking for a summer fling with an experienced woman.

That's what I got from your profile - if that's what you want, well then you have hit your mark.

However, life hands us things often that we are not looking for and if you are too closed to that you may miss out. I think maybe you are too cautious in life, and that comes through your profile. Risk-taking, to a point, is attractive to women. No one really wants to spend time with someone who is afraid to LIVE. Even for a short time.

I, myself, prefer honesty to all the "Long walks on the beach" crap from men who are just looking for some poontang - so you have that going for you, but few women are really going to be interested in wasting their summer teaching you about life and all.

What do you have to offer? That's another thing to consider - are you fun, good at some activity or have an intellectual interest/passion that might intrigue? Sense of humour? Wit is a powerful thing.

Ask a friend to take a pic, you are a fairly good looking guy from what I can tell. DON'T take one of yourself in a mirror, holding booze, or fish (what's with the fish?) or lying on your bed half naked.

Good luck!
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Do animals get reincarnated or just cease to exist?
Posted: 9/15/2008 4:50:13 PM
If one looks into reincarnation and the different theories surrounding it...I think it depends on the animal.. and the level of evolution it is at.. in the case of lower animals (say insects. or worms, even maybe fish, amphibians and reptiles) I believe they hold a kind of species group soul... which is basically undifferentiated... and the evolution of that "group soul" is shared. Now in the case of higher animals.. say dogs or chimpanzees which have shown a modicum of sentience or self-awareness I would think it would be a choice whether or not to incarnate here again... but always at the level they are at.. although there could swtill be a "group' thing going on.

The problem with reincarnation (or even spirituality) and animals is that we can't speak to them to find out what, if any, experience they are having. But knowing animals and especially domestic and companion animals I find it difficult to believe that they don't have some sort of essence, or soul, as we do. They can feel, love and hurt, they have their own personalities, just as we do... and isn't that enough for us to think a little more highly of them than as animate matter without purpose or worth? No.. it would be arrogant to think that the universe, and spirituality is only for humans.. laughable actually... if there is something greater out there, or some sort of progression, or life after death, than it applies to all life on some level and in some way.

Namasté
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 243 (view)
 
are women playing GOD when they become pregnant
Posted: 9/11/2008 6:28:13 PM
This is for BOTH sexes

If you choose to have sex with another person you are CHOOSING to potentially become a parent.. EVERY SINGLE TIME. It doesn't matter if that isn't your intention, and it doesn't matter if you use birth control or not (pill, IUD, condom, whatever), and it doesn't matter if you TRUST the other person or not.. because the fact of the matter is that egg and sperm WANT to connect, it's what they exist for, and will do everything in their power to turn each and every one of us into genetic vehicles.. it's BIOLOGY. NO birth control is 100% effective.. so please, think about it because if you are not ready to accept the consequences of your choices you are probably not ready to be a sexually active person.

Or as my friend who has served a serious jail sentence once told me.. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
How Does A Girl Get What She Wants/Needs
Posted: 9/11/2008 5:45:06 PM
I don't know if it's so much about a guy not having any skill, or even the desire to please.. as not understanding that what might do it for a guy (focusing on genitals... getting 'there' in 5/10 minutes flat) just doesn't work for women a lot of the time. Some guys seem to get so caught up in their own feelings and desires that they seem to think that if they feel that way you must be also...

But sometimes it seems consciously obtuse, you can say something, like: "I really like that", and that's when they stop and do something else.. WTF? Or they do what I call the "Bases of Sex" which must be learned somewhere in high school.. you know, First base, second base, third base, home... figuring that if they skim at least all of the bases they are doing well... personally I find this boring and even insulting... really..kiss, squeeze tits - maybe kiss them too, rub genitals, stick it in? The ULTIMATE in BORING.

My biggest pet peeve is not getting enough attention to the NON-sexual parts, because until I reach a certain point the sexual parts aren't all that interested.. and if I try to be giving and enthusiastic then it pretty much ends up being all about him, because on the whole men become aroused way faster and way easier than women.

My advice to some men then would be that for most women the action is ALL OVER , and sometimes in places you would never expect (for me it's the backs and tops of my shoulders... almost as good as face), and not just the genitals or tits, SLOW THE HELL DOWN. Teasing is a GREAT thing... and if the woman is BEGGING for the intercourse part then you've done it right.

How to convey this in a way that is sensitive? Sometimes that's the obstacle... I think sometimes just taking a more dominant role is the only way.. until he clues in, or you kick his butt to the curb.

Just some thoughts...
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 58 (view)
 
The Earth is Our Mother
Posted: 9/10/2008 5:48:32 PM
Every atom and every element that makes us who we are is from our mother, the earth... we constantly exchange these things as we live our lives with the earth.. and with the other creatures that share this time and place with us. We breath, and we exchange atoms and elements, we eat and we take in the elements of the plants and animals who got it from the earth itself, these things in turn become our very flesh and when we sweat or eliminate these elements go back to the earth, when we physically die these are recycled by other life. We, all of us, very likely have some of the same atoms that the dinosaurs had, or the primeval forests, or the ancient algae which spawned aerobic life on this planet... and we most certainly contain some of the earliest atoms from the sun whose energy and "star stuff" spun out to create this solar system...

This is only the physical ways we are created and sustained by our planet, there is also the electromagnetism and other more subtle energies we emit and absorb, in a dance of life with our mother, the earth, and all life and even the inanimate matter.

Carl Jung's collective unconscious, to me, is a hint of the "consciousness" of the planet... which encompasses not only the human sentience here and the connectedness of life, but also the life force of everything.. and all the other forces besides.. what these might be in full, or whether this has it's own self-awareness, I'm not sure... but it's there.

I don't just live here, though it is my home, this planet is what I am made of and without it I would not be, nor be able to survive... I am intimately bound up in a dance of beneficient symbiosis with my mother... as are we all.

I wonder what will happen to those who try to live on another planet, what kind of changes will they experience by becoming symbiotic with an alien world? I it even possible seeing how we are so deeply enmeshed with this one on even a molecular level?

Aren't the questions wonderful?

Peace to all.. because we are ALL one.
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 87 (view)
 
Just what is a hypocrite anyways?
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:56:12 PM
Keep it simple, folks...a hypocrite is one who doesn't walk his talk, it doesn't require perfection - just rigorous self-honesty.

even worse is pointing out the 'faults' of others self-righteously while denying one's own...

Intolerance in hypocritical, as is lack of compassion...
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Survey says....
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:24:25 PM
I've never viewed my sexuality as a commodity, and even though a lot of people don't get this, WOMEN LIKE SEX TOO. We just prefer it in the context of a good relationship.

and I don't care what anyone thinks of me, not a flyin' fvck.

makes the whole "do I or do I not fvck this guy?" a whole lot easier.. because it comes down to what I REALLY want and not how HE might react to whatever.

First things first.. having sex is NEVER a guarantee of anything, other than sex... and using sex to manipulate is just ridiculous... and why would anyone get into a SERIOUS relationship without having sex? (sorry but 10 months out of my life without even knowing if we click sexually? uh uh.. I don't think so.. what if we don't? Then I spend another YEAR with some other dude? Good grief I'd be 90 before I found anyone compatible)

A lot of men are far more forgiving than is commonly thought.. and a woman who conducts herself with grace, self-respect and an acceptance of her sexuality is not likely to be rejected for it by a reasonably intelligent progressive guy.

We aren't in high school anymore...
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 245 (view)
 
Has anyone ever broken the bed?
Posted: 8/28/2008 5:43:43 PM
yes


more than one

Forget air mattresses!

Also fallen off the bed without missing a beat, it's all good
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 241 (view)
 
The paradox of female liberation
Posted: 8/26/2008 6:50:22 PM
niceguyhere4you

My feelings exactly.. nice post by the way. But unfortunately the attitude of a lot of men is that there worth is from their earning power.. it's what they've learned out there and they DO bring that into relationships quite frequently. Even reading posts where some guy is whining about "all the money" he is spending on a date echoes this mindset. A fair number of men do not see a homemakers contribution for what it is really worth, nor for how much it helps the family as a whole. Fairly, there are quite a few good men who do.. my grandfather was one.. and I'm thankful to have seen that.

I DO agree.. it's the wrong guy. Value is much more than monetary and a couple working together with whatever they can do, whether that is child raising and care, home management or earning money outside the home isn't something easily converted to cash value, or even more so, personal worth.

Peace
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Women with ex's, ever regret dumping a guy?
Posted: 8/26/2008 6:00:39 PM
Nope

When I knew it was over it was over.. there's no going back after a certain point... but then I always fought for my relationships and I tried everything to make them work.. then... when there was nothing left, it was done. Time to go.

no remorse, no regrets.. wish them the best and move on.

peace
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 90 (view)
 
The new normal??????
Posted: 8/26/2008 5:35:13 PM
I make it clear when I am dating that if all a guy wants is a FWB.. then he must be prepared for me to see other guys, they usually back off at that point.."oh oh, that's not quite what I meant". funny huh, I don't bother asking what they originally meant though. Waste of my time and intelligence. You want exclusivity you better be prepared to give more than an occassional fvck. That's me..but I'm not into one nighters anyway.. they are usually horrid, and frankly I haven't found guys who pursue them to be very good in bed anyway.

I don't care what's "normal".. and I don't believe in "dating rules", I have sex with someone when I'm damn good and ready and not a moment sooner.. any pressure and I'm long gone. IF IT MAKES YOU UNEASY IT AIN'T FOR YOU... That's seemed to work well for me.. and screw what anyone else wants or does, it's none of your business, anyway.

YOUR business is being true to yourself.. and maybe finding someone who resonates to that.

Myself.. I talked to my boyfriend for 4 months before we met.. and we dated for a month and a half before getting sexually intimate. It worked out that way and I'm glad he didn't pressure me... he waited until I was ready.. that told me he respected my wishes and feelings and boundaries... and me. It might have happened sooner, or later, but that's the way it worked out for us. It's a very personal thing between two people and can't be put on some stupid schedule or made to fit some sort of box...every relationship is unique and will take on a shape of it's own. Nothing wrong with casual sex, if that's what you want... but if it isn't then don't let any idea or rumour of "normal" sway you... just be honest to yourself.

That's what it all comes down to.

peace and good luck.
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Ugly Guys
Posted: 8/22/2008 5:55:41 PM
Humour isn't about telling jokes.. it's the way you see the world and how you express that. Intelligent, optimistic men who can see the absurd in life are the ones who catch my attention.. they are usually happy and don't whine or blame anyone else, or anything else for their lives, they are light-hearted and a joy to spend time with. It feels good to laugh. Endorphins!

I SEE the absurd in life (it's pretty darn funny.. humans are incredibly bizarre and hilarious creatures and society is a close second, I won't even go into current events or sex!), and sharing that without having to explain it (which takes all the fun out of it) is something special. THAT will attract me faster than the nicest abs or face..

just my take on it...

peace
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 194 (view)
 
Prostitutes!
Posted: 8/22/2008 5:41:21 PM
Although not my "optimum" situation or first choice, I've known a fair share of pro's.. both female and male.. the ONE thing I absolutely respected them for was their honesty. They weren't playing games, or trying to steal anyone's spouse.. they weren't lying. They weren't sleeping with people to try to "get someone to love them".. and then whining that they'd been "used". They were straight up about what they were about. MOST of them had significant others... (GEEZ, so many Pro's with partners... must be SOME people who date them).

I would take a Pro over a cheater anyday... no, not the one's who are so messed up from horrible childhoods or addictions that selling sex is the only way they know how to survive.., they've been so terribly damaged by abusive parents or the system that they feel their only worth is their sexuality (and for those who like to toss the word "whore" around.. think about THAT - CRAP I hate judgmental holier than thou types) but I know Pro's who've chosen that as their vocation..or as a way to make ends meet while they pursue other things, they are smart, clean and driving that Mercedes.. or working their way through graduate school, or paying off the house.

Most people aren't even AWARE of how many people around them are prostitutes... shite!

Most Pro's are WAY MORE CAREFUL than we are about STD's because their livelihood depends on it. sheesh.

Nope I'll take an honest prostitute over a cheating, lying dumbass ....anyday.

Really... I hop over to the sex and dating forum and here about how much everyone loves sex... upside down, anal, squirting, BDSM, .. you name it.. then I get on another and am horrified by the prudish and backwards.. misandric and misogynistic things I read. MAKE A CHOICE.. either you like women and men who like sex or you don't... you can't have it both ways. The "good girl" is not going to become a wanton in YOUR bed.. because, she's spent her whole life REPRESSING her sexuality..some women NEVER GET OVER THAT and the "Nice Guy" isn't going to become you fantasy lover just because YOU came along. I feel we must let people BE the sexual beings they are... The shaming has got to stop somewhere. The Puritan attitudes are absolutely outrageous, outdated and from what I have SEEN in my short time on this earth.. a whole lot of bloody hypocrisy. There is no way the sex industry could possibly make the money it does if everyone is as frickin' PURE as they say they are...

really, think about it

I'm NOT suggesting that anyone has to do anything with anyone they don't want to... or even change their own personal moral code, but for pete's sake, quit making it sound like anyone who doesn't is some sort of degenerate, immoral piece of nothing who doesn't deserve respect.. and is obviously LESS THAN, somehow.

This is how a lot of what I read here sounds like to me... so many people are SOOOOOOO good, and everyone else is SOOOO bad.

I'm not buying it... I've worked at the strip clubs and the nightclubs and even at a treatment center, I've seen how MANY people REALLY are, yup, good hard working middle-class people.



Peace, it would be nice if we could be a tad more tolerant.. 'cause none of us is perfect.
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 105 (view)
 
The paradox of female liberation
Posted: 8/21/2008 6:07:07 PM
I am in the position of having to have a career and be a full-time parent. I'm a widow.. a single mom. My other choice is to go on welfare.

Not much liberation there, just necessity.

Honestly.. today.. I feel wiped out, overwhelmed. I wish I had the choice to be a "stay-at-home", parent.. I never had that choice.. circumstances being what they were. Thankfully I do have the choice of more than menial labour or steno pool.. I can actually have a career.

I've never been with a man who would have ever seen the role of mother and homemaker as equal to bringing home a cheque... I would have been "less than" or had to hand over some of my personal power.. just because the money wasn't being earned by me, even if I was (and I have beenn) a whiz at home management....and there is no way I could ever relinquish my status as an equal.. so I've had to play by the "man's world" rules. Some may take offense to this , but it's the way it is.

yup.. today I'm under the weather.. behind on my bills, unable to afford some things I'd like to do for my daughter (violin lessons, dance, etc..) considering looking for a different job because this one expects overtime which I have a hard time arranging for much less having the energy for, and trying to balance a new relationship along with my life as a single mom. Today, if I was offered, even for a short time - say a couple of years, to be a stay at home mom and housewife - I'd jump on it gratefully.. because I'm worn out doing it all by myself.. I'm just freakin' tired, you know? It's not a whole lot of fun being everything to everyone all the time.

Gotta go.. the house is a mess and I haven't even made my lunch or finished the laundry yet... oh and the babysitter's sick I need to find another one for 8 am.

yup... some women will understand where I am coming from.. and some single dads maybe. I despise when the magazines make it all sound like there's this great freedom in it for everyone... like there actually IS a choice between one kind of life and another. there may have been at one time.. a small window between the old world and the new, but I think for most, it's just life, survival and necessity.
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 170 (view)
 
Believing in the Bible
Posted: 8/15/2008 6:35:14 PM
Idlethought

I like the way you think... very pertinent, original and holistic.. a view not commonly seen

spurs me to deeper places

Thanks
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 134 (view)
 
Do you believe in ghosts/Haunted houses?
Posted: 8/15/2008 6:27:56 PM
As far as I know there is no empirical evidence.. but I have experienced some fairly bizarre things in my last house, even had a witness with me. REAL physical phenomena.. and no video camera at the time (crap!)

Ghost? Spirit? random psychic energy? a break in the laws of the universe? I have no idea, nor would I try to convince anyone else of the veracity of what I experienced, as I recognize it's subjectivity.

But still.. there it is

I kind of like living in an universe where there are still mysteries though... means there's always more to discover
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 49 (view)
 
How long does it take to know if a new relationship is going to last ?
Posted: 8/15/2008 6:22:07 PM
When you die

There are NO guarantees... some relationships are like passing ships, some are only meant to last through a certain period or phase.. some last a lifetime (and even rarer are those that last AND nurture both partners)

If you are still together after 2 years and still enjoy each others company (to the point of stealing time away to be together) then chances are good it's a keeper

JMHO
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 147 (view)
 
Being open sexually does not make you a SLUT
Posted: 8/14/2008 7:01:40 PM
Guilty?
nope, not at all. I find guilt to be useless for anything other than letting me know when I'm not being true to myself.. then I correct that, other than that I have no use for it. Neither do I accept shame anymore. Life is far too short for beating yourself up. Which relates directly to the OP... it's shame that twists and distorts us.

Happy? oh yes... found a great guy (here actually), have a great job, a great kid... life is pretty damn good.

Expressing one's view and rationalizing are not the same thing..

I stand by my post.. which was ON TOPIC
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
WOMEN WITH CLEAVAGE....
Posted: 8/13/2008 5:31:48 PM
Kind of goes along with the mindset that the woman wearing a miniskirt was ASKING to be raped.. oh for the love of....

Pisses me off... ADULTS are responsible for their own thoughts, feeling and actions. The whole world has been terribly screwed up by the LACK of PERSONAL responsibility.

Human beings have a sex drive.. it's instinctual.. it keeps us from dying out (you know, children and all that) Men have it, women have it.. we also have an instinct to eat and drink water, seek warmth and shelter, pull away from pain and dangerous situations, move towards things that feel good (like food and shelter and clean water and fresh air and sex, hmmm...?), and to sleep. These are the BASICS of being animals - physical beings, and they aren't going to go away.. we are BUILT that way, it's natural.. it keep us alive.

Now, we are also reasoning beings, which means that unlike lower animals (I'm not sure where this line is drawn because some of the higher mammals seem to have at least some freedom of choice) we can CHOOSE to over-ride our instincts.. to make choices based on logic and ethics and such. THIS IS WHAT MAKES US SENTIENT, HUMAN, what defines us from most of the other life on the planet.. so when I hear some idjit blame others for his/her feelings, or actions I just want to say, "that's real nice, you've just lowered yourself to the level of an instinctual beast and in the process all of humanity as well.. lower actually because animals have no choice.

Might it not just be better to accept that you are going to get a woody sometimes seeing an attractive woman (and it wouldn't matter if she was naked, or wearing a burlap sack or even a burka... really) and you will probably have some thoughts that aren't about the grocery list in your hand or the sermon you are on your way to hear... but if you try NOT to think about it you will most definitely THINK ABOUT IT. It's the old, "don't think about pink elephants", thing. There is a fine line between accepting a thought (as in.. oh, there's a thought) and releasing it, and either obsessing over it (or worse beating yourself with guilt or shame) or repressing it - which won't make it go away... but only bury it deeper in your subconscious.. to rise up later with even more energy than it had before.

Shame and blame don't work well in learning to discipline oneself... acceptance and detachment work wonders.

Women, by being women, are not responsible for your libido... period. Deal with your own thoughts, feeling and choices. Don't put it on someone else.

Trust me, even if you haven't seen a woman in 10 years there will still be some sort of response when you THINK about women you have seen in the past.. You can't get away from biology.. better just to accept that you are a sexual being and learn to take responsibility for your own drives.

Peace
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 144 (view)
 
Being open sexually does not make you a SLUT
Posted: 8/13/2008 4:11:45 PM
As a full grown woman, of 42, I reject the "definitions" stated above. They are out-dated and of no use in my life.

The confidence and comfort I have developed, through experience, and the freedom I grant myself to BE WHO I AM, and express who I am is a precious thing to me.. and if that includes a little flirting or an ADULT conversation with other adults, or allowing myself to be a sexual being, even in attitude.. then that's what it is. The double standard and the old attitude of women having to hide ( or repress) their sexuality is one I've never liked, and now that I am of an age where, frankly I don't give a damn what others think, I'm not going to let traditional backward thinking hold me down.

The funny thing is I have never been criticized for being a self-realized and lusty woman by any man who really appreciated women and their sexuality.. only the ones with insecurities or old-fashioned views of women. Not my problem.

By the time one reaches 30 or 40, one learns there is a time and place for everything... you don't bring up orgasms, or the latest dildos, at a business meeting or the PTA, but in adult company in the right atmosphere.. the idea of squelching myself to "appear" to be a "good girl", or to manipulate some people's opinion of me, or worse, to make them "comfortable" is abhorrent to me.. I won't have it. And.. the more of us that say, "FVCK THIS, it's stupid, and it's not genuine - it's not REALITY", the quicker the whole thing will slide away into the past where it belongs.

After many years of being an adult and sexually active I have just recently began to embrace, to really accept, that part of myself... to integrate that part with the rest of me.. and dammit, I'm not letting any crappy old ideas and attitudes get in my way. I spent far too many years twisting myself into a pretzel to "fit in", to "climb the ladder", to be liked ... nope no more, the rest of this journey is for me.

You can be open and sexual without being crude or tasteless... or worse, desperate. There is a huge difference between a woman who embraces her sexuality and one who is trying to bolster her self esteem through her sexuality.

peace
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 405 (view)
 
Why do married men masturbate?
Posted: 8/12/2008 7:58:59 PM
Why do bears poop in the woods?

Why do married women masturbate?

Why is the sky blue?

The only problem I would see is if you are not satisfied.. that should come first, after that he can whack-off to his little hearts desire. But the relationship comes first.
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 8 (view)
 
What conveys confidence to women?
Posted: 8/12/2008 7:23:39 PM
Confidence is something that can not be faked

You either believe in yourself, or you don't

You either have proven yourself to yourself or you haven't

You either like who you are, or you don't.. comfortable with who you are, or not

It can be cultivated, but never counterfeited, not for long. It's an inner quality that comes through... and others recognize it, it's not really a gender thing
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
The gay gene; homosexuality vs: abortion??
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:52:43 PM
I agree with Romantic that there are some cases where choice has more to do with homosexuality than say, genetics.. SOME cases. Unfortunately a fair amount of these cases also have child abuse behind them..sad, but true. Most homosexuals I know though are decidedly born that way.. and for the life of me I can't figure out what the problem is, they love, bleed, work and die just like anyone else.. it isn't part of my make-up to see any wrong there (and I include lesbians as well.. to me "Homosexual" covers both). As far as the BIble goes.. well there's a LOT in there that is considered "forbidden" yet most modern christians (or the Church) seem to be able to pick and choose which those things are.. I haven't yet seen the addendum from God that points out which of his directives count and which don't. Isn't eating pork and shrimp and having sex with menstruating women, or being near a dead body on the same list somewhere? Who has decided which of these things pisses God off the most?

As far as genetic screening goes.. it's kind of like stem cell research, isn't it? Are we as a race going to be able to draw up workable ethics for messing with the code of life itself? If we can't stop blowing each other up and abusing one another and allowing children to starve in a world of plenty how the hell are we going to be able to agree on who deserves to be born or not?

We are technnologically WAY ahead of our ethical ability.. we have so much to learn before we are remotely capable of wielding that power with any kind of true love for our own race.

Sometime I hope that aliens DO land on our little blue world, just to shake us up and make us realize just how precious it all is, how small our world really is and how fvcking STUPID and FEARFUL and SELF-ABSORBED we have been.

It is SO horrible to love in this world, yet murderers and liars are given positions of honour and power.

Sometimes I am ashamed to be human.
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 148 (view)
 
Believing in the Bible
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:30:15 PM

With only the deepest respect to you Romantic, I'll tell you why in my own personal life.

In my early twenties I happened to come across a book that explained the history of Christianity, and I found that the Bible had been revised many times to satisfy the political and personal whims of those in power at the time. This started a ten year (more or less) quest to actually find anything that would prove the validity of the man called Jesus, as He was the one and only constant that I could rely on throughout my life, but I felt if the Bible is suspect, I better make sure.....

Before the days of the internet, I had to spend a great deal of time and money on books and time in the library. Lots of circular arguments on the pro side, which would, for the most part, present the Bible as its' own source. Suspect at best.

But Joe See Fuss aside, it was a lot of plain history, as well as my own personal experiences where I saw the words were used mostly as a means of control, rather than a means of personal growth that finally made me avoid anything written in the Bible like the plague. And I would make sure that if anyone tried to impose their code of conduct upon me because of teachings in the Bible, they got a mouthful of hateful words back. And I was real good too.

Now, I'm a little more laid back, and just cherry pick that which I find inspirational, which is just the words of Jesus. Nothing else is needed, as His words cover it all. I still have grave grave doubts of His actual existence, but it really doesn't matter anymore; the Word speaks for itself.

But in answer to my original quote up there. I believe many of the detractors are folks like me: brought up and governed by the Bible. But when they see the hypocrasy, they delve a little further, and find all is not as cracked up as it should be, and feel betrayed and angry. ( societal values on the rights of women for example) And it is irksome that much of our societal, political and spiritual decisions made by those in power are based on a book that is questionable at best. And just as an aside, as an Indian, I have personal reasons, as you know, why the church and Bible are an abomination in my eyes, and give me all the right in the world to complain.


It's not the emotional need of the other person that concerns me. It's how collectively a bunch of people's emotional needs effect society in general. When emotional needs are prioritized over logic, science and common sense, I have a problem. Not that I give a rat's patoot what another person believes, but how those beliefs manifest themselves in the daily secular world.

History is a good teacher. Literal belief in the Bible has left a rotten legacy. I ,for one, don't care to see a return to the Dark Ages.
bold is mine

And Taurus puts this well, in my opinion. To deny that the daily secular world is not affected by those who have been indoctrinated in the literal interpretation of the Bible is to view the world with blinders on. When a Christian president of the most powerful country of the world declares atheists as worthless, there is a problem.

Why? Because you are totally unqualified to make the judgement. But you make it anyway because it suits you to do so.

Again, with only the deepest respect, most detractors own a more than passing knowledge of the Bible, and I daresay, like me, searched in vain for years to somehow, desperately, make it work for them. But in the end, it doesn't pass muster.

But I have always loved your Master, make no mistake.


Raven, again we share the same experience.. almost verbatim this is how it happened for me. The only difference is I was not raised Christian but came to it in my early teenhood.. and studied quite deeply for many years.

I've had the experience of learning to believe through studying the Bible, learning to live it with a dedication.. etc.. and then seeing the discrepancies and trying to find the truth.. and finally coming to the realization (for me) that the literal translations and interpretation of the Bible was misleading, at best... and a downright abomination at worst. Then I became a student of history, on my own and academically, I was amazed at the inaccuracies I found when I truly began to study the history of the ancient world. Politics, victor interpretations, oral traditions skewed by time and human error, the melding and mixing of all peoples' religious, cultural and political mindsets through trade and war and ...time. The Catholic Church's claiming and monopoly of the scriptures for almost 2 millennia, and the changes and creative editing done there... The Reformation and it's influence on the christian world.. the demonization of the pagans, the Inquisition and the atrocities committed in the name of Jesus...

I could no longer take it at face value... not and consider myself somewhat intelligent.

However, like Raveninns above, I have found value in some of what is in the Bible, mainly the words of Jesus. The Golden Rule is echoed in so many other faiths that I am convinced it is one of those things that can stand by itself as a moral directive. I do not know if Jesus actually existed as a person, but as an adept, avatar, teacher .. the example ascribed to him is one I honour. It doesn't matter anymore if I believe in the Bible literally, because I truly and deeply believe in the message, the message of love is deeply etched in my heart, (but strangely I think it always was and this search for "spirituality" has been more of a mental exercise, a way to quiet the adult brain which needs reason and logic and proof, which I find needs to convince itself of it's identity, by free will, somehow)... whether it comes from the Bible, the Koran, the beauty and majesty of nature herself, in the eyes of a child or in the trust of my cat, or in the sacrifice of a person to save the life of another. THAT is the real message and lesson... to me.

I DO NOT believe you have to suspend your reasoning mind to understand the Bible.. that's just backwards.. nor do I buy the fallacy that it can only be truly inderstood through the "holy spirit".. I DO believe that this is a great way for the insecure in their own faith to keep others from ASKING QUESTIONS that are difficult to answer. And, my friends, the best questions are those which are the most difficult to answer, and they DESERVE to be asked.

People who ask questions, are not easily manipulated or controlled... because they need more than a "because it says so" for an answer... just saying.

Ever wonder why dictators usually imprison or kill the scholars, intellectuals and the artists first?

The Bible has value, but I believe that the context has been sorely abused. Look, read, search... find out the history of the time you are reading about, and the people.. the info is out there. And yes, much of the Bible is echoed in many far older documents.. Sumerian, Egyptian, Babylonian, and many other cultures...which I find fascinating. Not because it "debunks" the Bible but because it shows the evolution of spiritual thought among human beings through the ages...to me it shows not the difference but the similarities, and isn't that what Jesus told us to look for? Not how we are different, or what separates us.. but our shared humanity.

nuff said of MHO

peace
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
What do girls really want in the bedroom
Posted: 8/12/2008 4:25:54 PM
Isn't this a no brainer?

First thing.. SLOW THE HELL DOWN.. we'll get there, together, and it will be better for the anticipation.. really.

We want passion, and tenderness and attention. We want someone who will actually put us first sometimes.. and learn how our bodies work, and appreciate that we ARE different.. and we want someone who values us as a human being, body, mind, soul..

We want backrubs and footrubs and sometimes we just want to be held - WITHOUT any pressure to have sex. It's a nice feeling to be able to be close to your partner without any expectations.

We want oral sex, quickies and long drawn out love-making.. we want to feel our sexual power when we are with you. That we are desirable, sexy and the only woman in the world to you...

We want tea and sandwiches in between, or maybe a glass of wine

We want it rough when the mood hits, to feel your masculinity as a juxtaposition to our femininity. We want your strength and your kindness. Nothing sexier than sensing the power of a man as he holds us gently.

We want to laugh, to be silly and let the inner child come out to play.

We want to be able to share our most intimate secrets with you.. and to be able to be authentic... no masks, no pretentions, just who we are.

We want to discover our sexual depths, because a lot of us have never been given permission to be totally sexual creatures. We have too many roles and most of them are based on us giving..to the kids, to work, to our families... it's a hell of a thing when we come across someone who says.."lay back darling.. this is for you"

We want you to be able to realize that what takes you 3 minutes might take us 20 or more (less if you spend time on foreplay and that "all day" thing), and that pressure to "perform" will kill any chance of real pleasure.

We want you to appreciate the sensual as well as the sexual... with us.

We want you to know that we are far more forgiving and understanding than popular culture would have you believe.

We want you to know that we aren't sitting there with a measuring stick.. it REALLY doesn't matter if we have chosen to be with you.

We want you to make love to us ALL THE TIME, with your eyes, your words and your respect and companionship. Sex shouldn't be compartmentalized, it's a way of life. Women, on the whole, can not separate sexuality from the rest of their being... if something's wrong in another part of her life, or in the relationship, it will affect her sexuality.. take care of the other parts of the relationship and the sex will be good, if not great.

a secret.. a sexually satisfied woman is a HAPPY woman, who gives back tenfold. And a day at the Spa, without any worries, is the BEST GIFT EVER!

and please learn about the g-spot.
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 109 (view)
 
What are Indigo Children?
Posted: 8/11/2008 5:51:35 PM
I and my daughter are both Indigos

The main trait I have seen is a refusal to accept outside authority without some sort of logical reason. The final reason for anything has to come from within... to resonate personally. The Indigo is their own authority. They do not respond well to domination or other child training techniques. They either accept what you have to teach or they write you off, and ignore you. Rote learning is painful.

There is also the distractibility, ability to hyper focus, ability to discern deception at an early age, creativity, intelligence, but one that doesn't always respond well to traditional teaching techniques, empathic sensitivity, rage at injustice, a sense of the environment and it's creatures.. and always this... "why?" Indigo's also want to help in some fashion.. help the world, or the animals, or the people.. they are action-oriented.

I've been diagnosed ADD, my daughter, though distractible... isn't ADD or ADHD.

I've met one Crystal.. fascinating child.. eerie even. They look right through you and size you up in a heartbeat.

Both Indigo and Crystal children are wise beyond their years.

That's all I know
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 256 (view)
 
Universe came from nothing
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:33:36 PM
thermodynamic

hmmm.. isn't it friction or some other movement that causes heat? Doesn't that mean that there must be matter to create the heat to create energy?

Is this why some research is so interested in how things are at absolute zero? (or as close as we can get to that?) How does that relate to the origin of the universe. Would there even be an absolute in temperature without space/time?
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 805 (view)
 
Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist?
Posted: 7/30/2008 7:14:10 PM
Yup

Never again.. that is a nightmare come true
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 13 (view)
 
The Neanderthal Genome Project
Posted: 7/30/2008 7:02:31 PM
Interesting thought...

did they reach their maximum and die out due to infant/maternal mortality? It's a possibility. They must have had very wide skeletons.. and pelvis bones...
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
The Neanderthal Genome Project
Posted: 7/30/2008 6:39:31 PM
Neanderthals had much larger brains than Cro-Magnon's (Homo-Sapiens actually).. less in the cerebral cortex but much more in the occipital lobe which governs sight and memory.. we aren't sure if they had a spoken language though.

They were also built much better for cold weather/environmental hardships and were very much stronger, heavier denser bones and a larger musculature.. though a bit shorter than we are.
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 249 (view)
 
Universe came from nothing
Posted: 7/30/2008 6:33:56 PM
So.. what you are saying is that it really isn't the galaxies that are moving (although being IN the fabric they would also be moving with it.. but not "through" it) but the fabric of space/time that is expanding

I'm having a hard time wrapping my visual mind around the idea that all everywhere is expanding... I'll have to chew on that for a bit

isn't it true that the farthest things we can see are quasars at the edge of our perceptive abilities and that these are immense? would that not suggest that the farther back in time the denser the universe was? does this give credence to the Big Bang theory?

I saw a model of the background radiation of the universe, very cool (or hot) what interested me was that it was not uniform, but seemed to have areas of lighter and denser energy.

M-theory, if say, umm.. choice created new probabilities and those probabilities took form wouldn't that create the possibility of an infinite number of universes coming into existence all the time? Does this not suggest that observation/participation, consciousness has an effect on the form and or fabric of the universe itself? (I don't think that which is not conscious can observe, but maybe our definition of "consciousness" is too narrow... think of things like Jung's collective unconscious and archetypes, or muscle or cell memory and such.. even the behavior of electrons is pretty interesting)


I had a weird thought when I was very young... it was that nothing existed until it was imagined.. and then it would come into existence.. like the universe was only so big until someone imagined it much larger.. or that the theory of relativity was only a probability until Einstein formulated it, I think I get the idea reading very old science fiction and seeing some correlation with modern inventions and theories. Don't know if that has any merit but it's an old idea I had a long time ago that I still muse about.

However.. 42 sound pretty plausible also! Do you have your towel?
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Primitive Alien Life May Exist, Stephen Hawking Says
Posted: 7/30/2008 5:57:00 PM
Try this link For the Mitchell interview on UK radio

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXTXbi_VhJU&feature=related
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 247 (view)
 
Universe came from nothing
Posted: 7/30/2008 5:40:38 PM
I have no physics or math background.. just a warning!

I was reading this thread and thinking about some things I had heard about M-theory and I wondered... wouldn't a true singularity be pure potential? And nothing else? How much does the "observer" effect play in the construct of the universe? Why would it need a cause... since time would have been irrelevant, it's not like it was waiting for anything, it just was... potential. There would be no before...as "time" is the movement (or change) of matter through space.. no matter, no energy, no space...= no time.

Another thought.. if Energy=Matter.. what makes something "matter" and not "energy"... or is matter a coalesced or condensed form of energy? Is this condensation caused by gravity or some other force? Or does it take all the four forces to transform it? OR does energy coalesce around probability waves or matrixes?

Someone said earlier that there could never be no space, but space is defined by matter, energy and time.. is it not? I think the issue with that is because we perceive our universe from three dimensions, plus time, that conceiving of "potential" space is rather difficult, as is conceiving of "no time" or the potential singularity of "NOW".

Another thought.. when I hear that the other galaxies are rushing away from us, gaining speed with distance.. okay I get that, BUT is this implying that we are at the central point? (?) Or are we also at a certain point on this rushing?.. can we not extrapolate from the direction of these other masses where the universe may have begun? Or is expecting it to be a circular expansion a bit childish?

Is there space here for the anthropic principle, whether weak or strong? The math is a bit suggestive that the universe (this one anyway) seems awfully friendly to life... I don't subscribe to this but think it is an interesting proposition and one that seems to blend well with M-theory.

Thanks!
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Priestesses of Isis
Posted: 7/30/2008 2:30:45 PM
I think it might be difficult to ascertain what women could or could not do before a certain time in history.. especially prehistory when the worship of these deities began. But I concur that eunuchs, hermaphrodites and even homosexuals had a different status than they do in "modern" culture, and were frequently seen as being "closer to the gods", as were epileptics, and even in some cases the insane (You see this in some native american tribes and the status of homosexuals and cross-dressers in their history - which gives us some idea of what might have occurred in other stone-age peoples) By the time we have a good written record, or even the records of historians patriarchal agricultural society had become the norm for most civilizations which definitely colours all from government to religion, etc...

Most of what has been written about ancient religious practices is supposition and frequently comes down to romanticization, especially when it supports a particular religious or political view held nowadays... many times it is the novelization of such, as in the Book, "Aztec", which is a bloody and horrific account of the Aztec culture and religious practices..(great reading though!) but how much is fact and how much dramatization to sell a novel? How much internalization and extrapolation about the ancients comes from, "The White Goddess", or "The Mists of Avalon"? Or even "The Spiral Dance"? Or some **stardization of Gerald Gardner, Gloria Steinem and bad occult movies? Sure there is some research there, but how many anthropologists would agree with the conclusions drawn by popular authors? And then there is the Catholic Church and it's rewriting or even destruction of material it felt would loosen it's grip on Christendom throughout the ages? Lot's of stuff altered and/or missing.. much less the destruction of the Library of Alexandria... maybe the Roscicrucians know?

I do think there may have been a time when sexuality was not vilified the way it has been that past 3000 years, but celebrated, and there is evidence of a different attitude in the neolithic peoples as well as the Minoans, who were basically matriarchal and peaceable. That does not however preclude that eunuchs, homosexuals and hermaphrodites were not also practicing sacred sexuality... and there are reports of "children of the gods" coming from these unions (which would suggest that at least in some cases the priestesses were female) I would have to research those reports though because I can not cite them at this time.

Research into this area would cover a vast amount of material and disciplines... still it IS intriguing
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Could you marry for security?
Posted: 7/30/2008 1:40:57 PM

Don't get me wrong, I applaud those who work hard to keep a marriage functional in the face of various adversities. I'm sorry when I hear that a marriage has become untenable. But eventually I think we will see a social climate that is completely neutral about whether a person is married or single. When a man and woman committ to each other it will be a pure choice,uninfluenced by economic issues or social labeling.
Like the old hymn says, "What a day, glorious day, that will be..."


Bravo.. beautifully said! ^^^^^^^

There is a thing I have.... sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes it get's in my way, but I wouldn't give it away for the world

My pride.

I've experienced tough times.. financially as well as otherwise, and yup single mom here.. widow actually. I'm proud of the fact I had to work hard to get where I am.. and I'm proud I did it on my own. There were opportunities to take an easier, softer route, via a man, but that's not me.. and I would not have been able to live with myself if I hadn't been true to myself. So I guess I have to say that my personal self-regard is far more important than the "little luxuries" (which some days was more like rent, bills and food). I hope my daughter learns that self-sufficiency, a good work ethic and integrity are far more valuable to her well-being than her "sex appeal", which is what it comes down to if you are trading for security.

I've have never felt stigmatized by my singleness(?)... of course I really don't give a crap what others think of me.

I never want to be in the position where I felt that for my own security I had to be someone I'm not, or sacrifice my integrity. I left one marriage just because of that. Never again.

Peace
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 261 (view)
 
Why do most women act like money isn't an issue?
Posted: 7/30/2008 1:13:32 PM
Yes

I did

I don't like dating, never did, avoid it like the plague...prefer to meet over drinks and a game of pool, both pay.. it doesn't matter... I ask, he asks, depends on who is more assertive, or quicker on the draw.. sometimes it's me, sometimes not. Maybe that was another thread, but the concept was the same.

There are women who DON't DO the dating thing nor even like it. I am one of them.. I think "dating" as it is commonly known as is a freaky and bizarre social ritual that creates inequality and false expectations and immediately set's up a power struggle of some type, or worse... Harlequin fantasies...ick.

Money is not an issue for me, unless the guy can not support himself. That for me is a prerequisite.. because I support myself (and my child too, by myself) I always pull my weight, and I've always paid my own way in life.. and sometimes more.. and I have since I left home at 15. I expect an adult to be self-supporting.. which I think is more than reasonable.

Maybe there are women for whom money is a big issue, I personally don't know any women who sit on their butts and let the man do all the work and pay all the bills and who accept presents and dinners and such for nothing... (except strippers, but they are providing a service so it isn't "for nothing", they are sex workers) of course I work full time so maybe I'm not meeting these greedy broads... where do you find them? Wal-Mart? (You'd think if they were really good at this they could at least be shopping at a better place) Or are we talking college girls? Who have no money and have just figured out they have some sexual power, but don't quite get the ethics yet? (I won't even go into how some men throw money at women unasked for expecting a certain reaction and then getting pissed off because they don't get what they think they should out of it... yes I HAVE seen it.. I was a bartender for the better part of 15 years- you get to see a lot of human behavior from behind the bar)

Maybe I should get out more and look around.. .I've missed something here.
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Priestesses of Isis
Posted: 7/30/2008 12:50:07 PM
I am wary of those who claim knowledge ... but can't point to a source. I'm also wary of those who suppose that this arcane knowledge is beyond the grasp of mere mortals...puh-lease. Arrogance does not adorn "wisdom" well. Nor is it an effective instruction tool.

The "black madonna" is a form if Isis and was worshipped well into the age of Pisces...and is still worshipped by some Gnostics, and the shrines are still there in some Coptic Churches, and in France I believe... there are rumours that the priestesses in Briton worshipped a form of Isis, adopting the horns (or crescent moon) as one of their symbols. There is much out there to connect as Isis worship spread all over the known world... but no.. I would bet that there isn't some book with the details in it... because sacred knowledge, especially in priesthoods/shamanism was frequently only a need to know basis depending on the level of priesthood reached.. and mostly oral, or so symbolized/coded, that without the training a layperson wouldn't know what they were looking at anyway. However there are clues and trails to follow...

Peace
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 161 (view)
 
Mistakes evolutionists make.
Posted: 7/30/2008 12:36:24 PM
What I want to know is how teaching a bible-based theory honours those of us who are not Christian? Do we not have the same inalienable rights? (Public education is a right I believe)

We pay taxes and contribute and as far as I understand I am a full citizen of my country with all the rights, responsibilities and privileges of that status.. I would find the concept of the public schools teaching a Judeo-christian based ideology offensive... and I would remove my child, or fight it tooth and nail because MY taxes pay for those classes also. If I wished my child to have a "religious" education then I would enroll her in a religious school, or teach her myself... I would not expect the public school system to do that

I can't complain about science because so far I haven't seen anything in the public school science class that is offensive or exclusive of people's personal belief systems... If a child is being taught about his/her religion at home... then that should be enough. If there are inaccuracies in the scientific curriculums then that needs to be addressed, on it's own.

Christians are not the only people in North America... and many other religious, or even non-religious people come here or grow up here every day. I think it's best to try and keep the schools as value free as possible. and let parents instruct their children in their own morals, and religion and culture, at home.
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/30/2008 12:13:16 PM
Oh for pete's sake

The best thing you can do is put her in touch with a women's shelter so she knows her options (legal and otherwise)..help her devise a safety plan, be there when she's ready to leave (not There, but there for her) and call the police immediately if you suspect she is in immediate danger. The rest is up to her and law enforcement. Cop consider domestics to be one of the most dangerous situation and not just because the woman might attack them or defend her husband but because they are very volatile... and unpredictable. Probably the most violent of all crimes are domestics, other than hostage situations.

If you humiliate him he will take it out on her... later.. DO NOT LET HIM KNOW YOU KNOW, you put her in more danger.. and if he cuts off the friendship how will you help her then?

She needs to talk to someone who knows the dynamics and can give her the info she needs to decide for herself what she is going to do about it.

As a friend you need to support whatever decision she makes, if you can do that.

Call the cops, that's what they are paid for.
 ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 117 (view)
 
Has the reality of age affected you?
Posted: 7/30/2008 8:47:17 AM
I'm 42 and I've never felt better

more confident, career is settled, I know who I am.. I take care of myself.. I eat better, I don't party all night long (well, not often) I have good friends, great interests... I actually have a little money to enjoy things with. What's bad about that?

I DO feel like a teenager sometimes, without the stupid part! Sometimes I feel my age, but I figure that the good comes with the bad.. so the odd aching back isn't going to get me down. No I don't look 25 anymore, but that's okay.. I wouldn't date a 25 year old anyway - we wouldn't have the same interests or frame of reference. I prefer men my own age or slightly younger.

Life is too short to be negative... I figure I have at least 40 if not 50 years left to live.. I sure as hell am not going to give up now!

Hell no!~ my life has just begun...

Get out and get some exercise, you'll feel better.
 
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