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Thread: Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 270 (view)

Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence? Posted: 3/1/2008 9:38:15 PM
In my experience a cheat thinks everyone is a cheat, so unless you have got something to hide and she has a reason to be looking, i would say that she doesn't trust you because she herself is not trustworthy. And that would make me think that at some point, (if not already) they will cheat on me. So I wouldn't tolerate it.

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 107 (view)

I'm the other women Posted: 2/23/2008 3:30:47 PM
You will pay a price for this for the rest of your life.... that price is never being able to trust, every person i know who has cheated, believes that everyone cheats and when they get a new partner they ruin their relationships because they simply do not believe that people will be faithful so they search thru belongings and they look for 'evidence'. The new partner gets fed up with being accused and questioned and not believed, eventually they do wander or they leave.... what a shame you have bought this upon yourself what a bigger shame that you will create this lack of trust in the girlfriend what a shame that the men who do go on to fall in love with you will suffer because of your lack of morals you have a lot to be ashamed about.

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 617 (view)

Are prostitutes the solution? Posted: 1/27/2008 4:40:15 PM
I guess it is a reasonable measure for someone who ["is tired of the realities of the dating game"] better that than the ones who come on here and date (read sleep with) someone for 4 or 5 weeks and then move on to the next.... causing heartache as they go for every action there is a reaction eh...

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 82 (view)

what does a guy mean when he says you deserve better? Posted: 1/27/2008 4:34:40 PM
It means he doesn't want you. there are any number of possible reasons, many already listed by the wise folk of POF does it matter what it is. When you love someone and want them, you do not send them off to meet someone else. Plain and simple.

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

I don't wnat you, but he/she can't have you either... Posted: 1/27/2008 4:21:46 PM
Lots of wise posts about jealousy and nastiness but sometimes it may be that you dating someone else is what it takes for them to realise that they actually love/want you sometimes people do get back together after a breakup and it is incredibly successful... there is so much we would need to know to actually answer the question, who left who for example, it is easy for people to mask pain and loss as anger. When someone we want leaves, it can be hard for some to be noble, much easier for them to convince themselves that they didn't want you either and "act as if they cant stand you". Pain and heartache can make any of us act in ways we wouldn't normally, it doesn't mean they are a nutter as so many are alluding to.

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 196 (view)

How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off! Posted: 1/23/2008 3:03:15 PM
It wouldn't be a turn off cause i wouldn't ask..... If one enjoys sex, why shouldn't they be doing it. If they are single and sleeping with others singles, what exactly is the issue?

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 69 (view)

hyper-vigilance in new relationships Posted: 1/23/2008 2:48:30 PM
Hyper-Vigilance can actually drive one to a new equally 'bad' relationship. When meeting a new partner it is very easy to be attracted simply because they are the opposite of what drove you mad about your last partner. If you went out with someone who is a pessimist and has a negative outlook, and you meet someone who is optimistic and positive you can be drawn simply because you are determined to avoid negativity..... thereby overlooking other traits that can go on to create problems.

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Why do we just merely cope with losing people that are close in our lives? Posted: 1/23/2008 2:32:14 PM
I read, and loved the idea of creating an "us" when a relationship forms. There is you and there is me and then there is 'us'. The us can be awesome but if it ceases to be that, if love dies, then it is the 'us' that did'nt work. For me, that means that I am still ok and you are still ok but we together are not. I can mourn the loss of the 'us' without tearing myself apart or them. It still hurts, but i also think life is a journey, and that aspect of my life was enriched by the presence of that person and i enjoyed it and am glad i had it. I may be terribly sad that it is gone, but time really does heal......and I will have it again, if i open myself to the possibility.

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

Would her actions be justifiable? Posted: 1/19/2008 7:17:56 PM
What about the right of a child to know their father. Children are not toys and they do not 'belong' to us. It is extremely selfish to the child.

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

He's this and she's that...blah, blah, blah Posted: 1/19/2008 7:14:18 PM
[In the second example...it could lead to some interesting conversation and friendly debates...as long as each respects the others views/opinions]. do you think? I reckon they are too emotional. I could not go out with someone who judged someone on their sexuality for example. I have no respect for certain opinions and that would be intolerable in my partner. Certainly some topics you could agree to disagree.

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

He's this and she's that...blah, blah, blah Posted: 1/19/2008 6:50:47 PM
political persuasion is a big one i think an interest or no interest in cultural affairs environmental or not You must have similar values i believe, imagine couples with the following opposed values trying to have after dinner conversations, Pro Euthanasia or anti gay marriage and a homophobe pro life or pro abortion just to name a few

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

What do you think? I have low self-confidence and finding a girl with the same would be good right? Posted: 1/19/2008 6:37:48 PM
You know you take a big risk in wanting to find someone who has self esteem issues so that you can fix yourselves together.. the damage being that as your self worth and self esteem grows you will become a very different person and want to do different things and you will want different things in a partner.... its highly likely that your relationship would not survive. Why dont you aim to fix yourself, go see a counsellor, life with a healthy esteem is far more rewarding and enriching. If you had any other ailment that affected your life you would'nt hesitate to 'fix' it. It is also the first step in valuing yourself, you do deserve more, but you need help to know how to get there. then you can offer yourself as a healthy, functioning, attractive, desirable catch. What have you got to lose?

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 101 (view)

18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man? Posted: 1/19/2008 6:32:56 PM
[What on earth would an 18 year old see in a 40 year old man] sorry if this has been said already, but i reckon the real questions is what on earth does a 40 year old see in an 18 year old.... the obvious physical attraction aside...

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

is our relationship destroyed? Posted: 1/19/2008 6:30:01 PM
Hey Bobby, What did you Do? You essentially broke up with her over text, well if you are a couple, cause you also said that you cant continue being her friend She is quite prepared to say she loves you in her reply.... why aren't you accepting that? Why didnt you talk to her instead of your frat mates? You dangled another chick in her face; school boy tactics Bobby and ones that lead to people feeling insecure and wondering if you will seek to hook up with someone else every time there is a hiccup in your relationship.... Is it destroyed? who knows, I think your email is good though and if you follow that with face to face conversation, and are genuine in what you said about what to communicate better, and if there is genuine love and affection then it should stand a chance. We all make mistakes sometimes, especially when it comes to the heart.... i think its great that you were so prepared to apologise.

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

Do we really attract who we are? Posted: 1/18/2008 3:44:05 PM
[I was always told that If you want to attract a good woman, you have to be a good man. So, if I want a physically fit woman who is financially secure. I must first become a physically fit man who is financially secure.] I don't think that this thinking is about external factors, I think it has more to do with your internal thinking and attitude and values...etc Would I stay with someone who is a player or insecure or needy, or someone who is negative and has a glass empty attitude, ... no, because i value myself more than that and i would see straight away or very early on that i couldn't tolerate their negativity, clinginess or cheating or whatever it is... it's called co-dependence. so if you are healthy and have checked your baggage in then you will only be compatible with someone else who is similar. What was said about you meet people where you hang is also true.

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

What is your experience with this one? Posted: 1/18/2008 3:37:33 PM
Are they sleeping together? I think there are a lot of people, probably more guys, who date a woman for a few weeks, enjoy the intimacy , but then find it isn't all they want, or know that from the start, they may quite like you, but know you are not the one.... it is inevitable that they will move on. I think this scenario is good in that the person was honest.... i doubt they will be back.

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

what are you supposed to say? Posted: 1/18/2008 3:20:50 PM
One consolation.... you wont post here too often, you could not possibly allow this thread to show up on your profile.

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 143 (view)

Do divorced women have to settle for any man that will take them? Posted: 1/18/2008 3:16:51 PM
wow mio just read some of your previous posts... You have such a low opinion of women, i wonder if you have only had experiences with women who lack values.... your attitudes could not possibly attract anything more.

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 142 (view)

Do divorced women have to settle for any man that will take them? Posted: 1/18/2008 3:09:12 PM
If you are prepared to "settle" then what can you expect, the 'good ones', will not give you a second glance, not because of your age but because you are taken. If i met a guy who i really liked and he was with someone who was a 'loser', i would be wondering why he would be in a relationship like that. What is wrong with him, and i would probably make the judgment that he cannot be alone, among other baggage.....deal breakers for me.

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 57 (view)

Lust for Trust Posted: 1/18/2008 2:58:18 PM
I dont think you can fix this... there are some very serious issues there and even a professional will struggle to help her overcome such intense feelings of insecurity. You no doubt have your own too, a healthy person would not stay in such a situation. If you really care about her and the relationship, get some counselling. the fact that you have come on here, either for a 'look at what's out there' or more sinister reasons suggests that you either don't really love her, or the long haul seems to hard. either way something needs to change and there is more than just her involved here, those children deserve more. You have some serious thinking to do.

Joined: 8/30/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

I'm the other women Posted: 1/18/2008 4:04:54 AM
Players only love you when their playing Great song Line So True. If you dont love him, leave him alone. There are plenty of single blokes out there that you can "play" with. If you do love him... you are in for some real pain in the near future. So why not get out now. when you are 'embroiled" other good things wont happen. do yourself a favour eh.

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