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Thread: Sleeping with some one on a first date

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 277 (view)

Sleeping with some one on a first date Posted: 4/14/2008 9:05:26 PM
Just stop dating. When you go out, take someone home and then wave good bye in the morning. No expections, no problems.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

Which car is the most appealing? Posted: 2/29/2008 10:07:25 PM
One that is paid for!

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

What If Someone Told You. The Conclusion Posted: 2/27/2008 10:18:46 PM
Just a question-the 80% that have herpes? that includes herpes simplex (cold sores) not genital herpes. Outbreaks vary from person to person. They can be very painful and problematic, especially for women. The sores can occur inside the vagina, all the way up to the cervix. Women with genital herpes are at higher risk for cervical cancer. Women with genital herpes cannot deliver their children vaginally (genital herpes can cause blindness and encephalopathy in neonates). This is not an attack. There are many chronic illnesses and disorders in life that affect anything and everything you do. It is important to get the correct information and practice safe sex. Genital herpes is serious but the consequences, outbreaks, and implications are different for women and men.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 315 (view)

so many smokers... meaning so few choices... Posted: 2/22/2008 10:37:11 PM
From what I've heard, talking on your cellphone while putting on make up, eating, and smoking (steering with your elbows) driving is even more dangerous than reading these forums! You don't like that I smoke? Then thank God everyday that you don't live with me!

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Oooh, I'm a bad parent! Posted: 2/21/2008 7:17:28 PM
Hey OP, Been there, done that, down to the ex calling and jumping on the "you're mean" bandwagon. I took away the cell phone for 1 week then had a discussion about how when you are angry at someone, you deal with that person. You don't drag everyone else into the drama. It's fine to vent but don't try to "sic" your Dad on me. Had to add: I am officially "The Meanest Meanie in Meanietown" (according to my 12 y/o daughter) when she is really mad at me.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Too honest on here ??? Posted: 2/17/2008 9:46:11 AM
I have no issue with "honesty". I have an issue with how it is delivered. The last ex-husband was very honest (one of the things I admired about him) but he didn't have the tact that God gave a goose. You can't go spouting off about honesty and being honest without looking at delivery. There is a difference between "this is how I feel and what I want you to know about me" and "this is how I feel and you just live with it". There is a fine line between "honest" and "brutal".

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

Paying for College Posted: 2/16/2008 11:30:44 AM
That is what I want! I am getting my Master's right now and I just wish I had someone to say "hey, you pulled straight A's while working fulltime and raising 3 kids, how about a vacation?" That is how the world should work, rewards for good behavior.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

Girls in the gym locker room or shower? Posted: 2/16/2008 9:42:37 AM
From a personal perspective, when I was younger (pre-babies) I was a dress in the stall, behind the towel, hate showering in an open shower type of person. After giving birth to 4 children, and enduring more than 60 OB/GYN visits with all of them, then having a "bad" birth with the last one (eveyone in the little hospital was in the room, including the janitor, it was a mess!), I just don't really give a hoot anymore. It's a body. I'm not showing off (except for the stretch marks shaped like seaweed). I'm not going to get all bent out of shape to make sure no one sees anything. Ya don't like it, don't look.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 72 (view)

I told my son (9) I pay his child support Posted: 2/16/2008 9:26:30 AM
I think the above story illustrates what everyone was worried the OP was doing. But, and this is a big but, the OP did not tell the child that the money was supposed to go to him and only him for things he wanted. He told the child that the money was to help his Mother support him by buying things they needed like food, gas, rent, and the necessities of life! THAT IS HUGE! The OP's child came away knowing that his father and his mother both contribute to keeping a roof over his head, clothes on his back, and food in his belly. I bet the OP's child feels that he is more loved knowing that BOTH his parents care enough to keep him safe, fed, and clean. I, personally, thank the OP for not falling into the "Disneyland Dad" routine. Thank you for trying to contribute in a positive way to your child's upbringing. Thank you for not making him feel like Mom is the bad guy who can never buy him anything cool and Dad is the only one with money that loves him.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

Paying for College Posted: 2/15/2008 9:31:00 PM
You could use it as a way to keep her in college. Each year that she completes with good grades, you two decide on a trip. For each year (Freshman, Sophmore, so on) the trips get better. Skiing in Aspen for the first year, Cancun the second, Egypt the third, and a true European vaction for the Senior year. If she gets a Master's, go to New Zealand.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

First date we had sex, what now? Posted: 2/15/2008 9:10:12 PM
Why do you need to know right now? Is it something that you could let progress and see how it goes? If you need to know right now, just ask next time you see her. Decide what you want (see where it goes, more involved, leave it as is) and ask her what she is looking for at this time in her life. Decide what you want so you know what you can live with when she gives you an answer.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

What makes a man a boy in your eyes? Posted: 2/15/2008 7:20:34 PM
What makes a man a boy in your eyes? That would be short pants and an umbilical cord to "mama" (last ex-wife, mom, girlfriend).

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

Professional women and Non-professional men Posted: 2/14/2008 5:41:54 PM
^^^ on the cute side.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

big kids. Posted: 2/14/2008 5:37:04 PM
Kind of on the line of packagedealx3, but get plain cotton T-shirts and iron on transfers of his favorite bands to make vintage rock n roll shirts. Get a long sleeve button down shirt at the old guy shop to wear over the T-shirt and that is in style. Get the jeans at the old guy shop and use iron on's, paint, and chain to make them "cool". Also, encourage your son to get his own "style", maybe something just he and you can do to the clothes from the old guy shop.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

Professional women and Non-professional men Posted: 2/14/2008 3:52:10 PM
^^^That is exactly why it doesn't matter if someone is blue collar or white collar. That attitude can come with any profession.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

so I finally grabbed my balls and asked my coworker out.. Posted: 2/14/2008 3:25:18 PM
Good job. It's nice to see someone that took initiative and just did it. And you're not bitter about the rejection! That, sir, is something to be proud of. Continue to chat nicely and see what progresses.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Girls approaching guys, not the other way around Posted: 2/14/2008 3:10:31 PM
I agree with what you are saying OP. Just because the shine made you look doesn't mean there is anything holding up the pretty cover. I've found that guys who approach me are not the ones I want to meet. If I find someone that I am attracted to and want to approach, I do it. It may be as simple as giving them an opening to talk to me or by actually offering to buy them a drink, a coffee or whatever. I'm not into waiting. I don't have enough time for that.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Professional women and Non-professional men Posted: 2/14/2008 11:10:16 AM
It doesn't matter. It matters if the man has a healthy dose of confidence and is smart, kind, and caring. Being a "blue collar" worker isn't terrible. It's how millions of people raise families and live. It's also how most of us "professional" women got to be professional women (blue collar dad or working at that blue collar job ourselves).

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

When your ex has a child Posted: 2/11/2008 8:48:42 PM
Gem- Wait til the girls get a taste of living with a baby. They'll get tired! My oldest would ask (about 6 weeks into a new sibling) "is it time to take them back to the hospital yet?" There will be some growing pains in both of your households right now. It is best to be fluid and go with the flow while everyone works out their new positions in the families.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

what signs do women give off if they want to get with you? Posted: 2/11/2008 4:44:29 PM
When I want to "get" with a man, usually the first sign he sees is the exit sign to my street! No messing around, if I want you, you know it.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

When your ex has a child Posted: 2/11/2008 4:39:37 PM
Hi OP, What I found was that I had to rise above the sh!t with my ex. He had issues with me and the settlement and such. I had to be the one to let it go and start a new relationship with him. I was never introduced to his new girlfriend or even spent a significant amount of time talking to her until they had been married for 1 year (and together for almost 2!). It was hard to let go of wanting to know the person that was helping to parent my children when they were with their father. Finally, I thought to myself "He chose me, so she can't be all bad!" I think the scrapbooks are an awesome idea! I would do a page or two with the girls and then send the books with them when they visit their father next. Maybe step-mother could help them do a page (if she has time) and then it can go back and forth between your house and theirs. This is not as sweet as it looks. You get a feel for what the step mom is like by what she does in the book and if she includes a photo of herself and the baby! Plus, you have a connection to the girls when they are gone. Most of the changes need to come in how you feel and talk to yourself. You have to be willng to let the past go and start this relationship new (with the ex and his family). Try to think of him as the father of your children-Not your ex.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

closure sex? Posted: 2/9/2008 8:16:22 PM
I don't believe in "closure sex". That last time of having sex can remind you why you ended the relationship, I guess maybe that is the closure? For me, there are just some ex's that were that good. Some ex's, I wouldn't sleep with for money, food, or life. Some, eh, what's a little sex between ex's?

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

I told my son (9) I pay his child support Posted: 2/8/2008 7:33:43 PM
Well, fab-mom, I would still be having this conversation with my children even if I was married. They do need to understand where money comes from (a job), where it goes (cost of living), and what things cost. 9 is when they start to ask these questions. It is also a good time to start giving them an allowance to learn to budget. Life skills are very important. When budgeting and saving are habits instilled young, they are easier to maintain when older.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

I told my son (9) I pay his child support Posted: 2/2/2008 9:55:55 AM
Why shouldn't kids be involved in the bill paying? As long as you don't carry on like it is a horrible chore and you don't include them in the decision to pay the heat or buy medications this month, they need exposure to these lessons. When they graduate and are in the real world, if you haven't shown them these things, how will they do it themselves? Yes, kids need to know where money comes from, where it goes and what you get for it, and how to use it wisely.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Shark Bite or Shopping Cart Accident? Posted: 1/31/2008 6:16:23 PM
If I hit a buy with my shoppping cart as flirting, I would follow it up with a big smile, a sincere "I'm so sorry!", and maybe a "Can I do anything to make it better?". Did she pat you on the azz when she said sorry?

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Women and UFC Posted: 1/29/2008 8:49:31 PM
Love UFC. Have a couple of friends that are involved. And, the guys are hot!

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Open V’s closed toe Shoes Posted: 1/29/2008 8:47:38 PM
There is only two things that govern my choice of footwear. Is the mercury above or below zero? What is the potential of something really heavy stepping on or rolling over my toes? If it is above 40 degrees and I'm not near the hospital or horses, open toes and flip/flops!

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Ex's girlfriend screaming at the kids Posted: 1/28/2008 6:50:41 PM
I see that you and the teens are in couseling. Make sure that you all (you and the kids) talk to the counselor about what is going on. The counselor can help you figure out where to go with it and she can be a witness to the upsetting nature of the incidents to the children. (you are probably already doing this, talking to the counselor about the yelling). Like Java says, be very careful about recording the ex and GF without their knowledge. It can be highly illegal.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Name Changes... How fair is THAT?? Posted: 1/28/2008 6:44:27 PM
Jayderaven, your exh sounds like the exh of a friend's of mine. Always moving and completely out! If he is in the service, you can use them to find him. They have his address and such. They are very helpful with stuff like this.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Name Changes... How fair is THAT?? Posted: 1/27/2008 7:23:05 PM
One time one chance, that would apply for someone that is not actively involved in the child's life. If the Dad sees the kid every weekend, there is no need to advertise. So when the court date comes, Dad goes to court and says "I won't consent to this. I see my child every weekend." How many judges will change the name in that case? I still say rotten of the kids Mom. Dad is involved and being a parent. You don't pull the name change game on someone that is right there!

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Name Changes... How fair is THAT?? Posted: 1/27/2008 12:05:10 PM
Thanks for the intel. I think (according to what I know of US law), that he has a case. He has not signed over his legal parental rights which is the basis of his legal claim of custody to the child. If the child was to be adopted, he would have to give up his parental rights. I think a name change falls within the same catagory. Even if he is a "weekend warrior" Dad, he is still an active, involved Dad. He still has custody. I had a friend that had a Dad of her kids that never spoke or even laid eyes on the youngest. If she wanted to change the childs name or have her new husband adopt the child, she would have had to have the bio-Dad sign over his parental rights. I think it was a pretty low trick of the Mom to do that. Names are important to people. You just don't screw with those.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Name Changes... How fair is THAT?? Posted: 1/26/2008 6:32:01 PM
Just a question, did she have full custody or do they have joint? If they have joint, I think it would be illegal in the first case. In the states, a name change goes to the judge and he decides. To change a last name, I thought there had to be an adoption?

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Help me help my son Posted: 1/21/2008 3:56:01 PM
I am so glad the a neurologist is going to see your son. It sound like a head thing vs a heart thing. On topic, you don't say how old your son is. If he is old enough to write, have him journal about his feelings. He can choose to share or not with you. If he is young, have him draw a picture of what is bothering him. He has a lot of things that could be worrying him (the confrontation, the doctor's visits...). Find a quiet time with just him and you and try asking him what he has been thinking about. Sometimes it's easier in the car because they don't have to look at you while you talk. Make sure he knows that he can talk to you and be open to whatever he talks about. Try not to make judgements (you shouldn't feel that way because). Hope there is something there that will help you. My best to you and your son.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

Yours, His, Her's Trademark or Signature Lovemaking Move? Posted: 1/17/2008 6:42:04 PM
My ex used to come up behind me, wrap his arms around my waist, bury his face in my hair by the side of my neck, and talk into my neck in a really deep, gravelly voice. While he talked (usually something dirty about what he was going to do to me) he would slid his mouth up my neck to my ear. When he got to the ear, he would bite and suck on my earlobe. Now, the secret is out! That is the fastest way to get me into bed. It would make my stomach flip.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Would you date Micheal Jackson? Posted: 1/16/2008 7:07:09 PM
Michael Jackson is "not all there" in more ways then one! He's missing a nose now isn't he? No, I would not date a man with that kind of past, (surgical and legal).

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 60 (view)

How many women would get married again Posted: 1/15/2008 9:44:05 PM
Whenyer strange mentioned the type of set up I would consider (after my last 2 flops). I think duplexes or adjoining houses would be spiffy! No marriage (too much legal tussle at my age). But, yes, adjoining houses with a long term committment and a loving relationship-AWESOME!

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 223 (view)

Prenuptial Agreements and Maximum Child Support payment! Posted: 1/15/2008 9:23:41 PM
Pre-nups with child support and infidelity clauses. OK. How about not getting married, maintain seperate residences and finances and just spend the night when you feel like it? Do they really, really want children? Perhaps a child-free lifestyle....

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

Have you a crush on anyone? Posted: 1/13/2008 4:58:03 PM
Yes I have a crush on someone here but, of course, they live a whole continent away! So, it really doesn't matter. Oh well, I can still visit his profile and get a little zing!

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Support for a Disabled Young Adult Posted: 1/13/2008 11:56:50 AM
I live in the US. I work through a non-profit state funded program that has extra funds to assist with special needs families. I don't know if there is anything like that in Canada, but even though it isn't much, it helps with things like respite. You might check into non-profits or scholarships for respite. Also, check with the University. Sometimes, there is work study programs in the related fields that will help place students with families so they get hands on learning. I feel for you. It's not much, but just remember, there are others of us out here living the same thing.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Support for a Disabled Young Adult Posted: 1/13/2008 11:47:33 AM
All of the suggestions are great but when you work full time and care for a special needs child full time, there is just not time! When you are the case worker, mother, transportaion coordinator, financial moderator, and and and then there is just not time. After a child with special needs is born, all those jobs fall to one person. Usually it is the mother. Very rarely, it is the father. Either way, that one person has to find a way to be everything to that child. Greeneyed, you sound like you are reaching the end of your reserves. The one thing you need to do, is find some respite for a few days or a week. That will help you regroup enough to get on top of everything else. And yes wanderbaby, when you have a child with OCD and GAD, you could need to buy clothes every month. My child changed clothes 5 times a day and washed her favorites 4 times a week. They wore out fast!

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

question for women who had kids RIGHT after high school ? Posted: 1/13/2008 11:12:37 AM
OK, number 1- if you are no longer responsible for her after the age of 18, then it is none of your business what she does. It doesn't matter if you feel she is too young to get married or stay with her boyfriend or whatever. If you are not responsible, then you have no say. Make sure that your daughter is aware of your feelings about this (When you're 18, I'm not responsible for you). Especially since she will be having a baby that month. She will need to make plans (some place to live, a job, such and so forth). What kind of grandparent do you intend to be? The "yeah, it's cute, now take it away" or a fully involved, let me watch the baby while you go to school grandparent? Make sure she knows so she can plan accordingly.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Support for a Disabled Young Adult Posted: 1/13/2008 11:04:22 AM
Her child is developmentally disabled with a mental capacity of 7-8 years old. She is fishing as best she can!! Contact a lawyer, the advocate office of disability and the court. He is required to pay support for life, make it happen. You can't make him be a more involved parent but he can help you be the involved parent.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Too Many Options = Unhappiness? Posted: 1/13/2008 10:56:29 AM
I agree and I think Mr. Vitamax is a prime example. He's looking for "the one". The one that is perfect in everyway, matches all of his choices, and fits just right. What happens after he meets his 60? What if none of them are "perfect"? Do you just keep looking? We all know that we can't "settle", right? I totally understand the whole too many options. It's like with kids: You give them a choice of two. That's it. No more. If you give them too many options, they can never decide and you get pulled into a discussion about the merits of each option and before long "Time's up!" and you still haven't decided.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Push presents??? How effed up is this? Posted: 1/11/2008 6:39:10 PM
When my first daughter was born (12 years ago), my husband bought me a small necklace with her birthstone in the center. He gave it to me in the hospital. It was not expensive or elaborate but a very sweet gesture following the birth of our first child. I did not expect or ask for it, but it was very appreciated. The last 3, I got to choose the dinner that hubby went out and bought (neither one of us could stand hospital food!).

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

Another question for the moms... Posted: 1/9/2008 7:13:08 PM
All right, try another shot at counselling. You two are on the track for a divorce. Seriously. If you continue the path you are on (both of you), you will be here with all the rest of us divorced people. Something you need to hear, Being single is not wonderful. It is not fun. Dating sucks. You do not have more time to yourself. Your life will fall apart. It is harder and it really, really, sucks. Make your wife read this. Then go to the couselor again. Do what the counselor says. You and your wife need to have a hard talk about the fact that you still love each other but you are (both of you) losing sight of the goal-happy, healthy family. It's easy to get tied up in the kids, the house, the minutia of life. Try to fix it before it goes bad.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Men, and ex girlfriends they used to love. your opinion? Posted: 1/9/2008 6:42:12 PM
Sweetie, I don't text by bff 20x a day! The rest of the situ that you described is just bogus. Walk away. Don't look back. It is not worth it.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

How to help a person who is obsessed with having biological kids? Posted: 1/9/2008 6:35:18 PM
I would have her talk to her doctor about banking eggs (I don't know if you can freeze and save eggs, or if they have to be used immediately-try google). If she doesn't find a guy until later then they could go invitro fertilization and she could do the pregnancy thing or they could have a surrogate if she had health issues. It might also give them some leeway on the time issue. Otherwise, she may want to investigate adoption. If she is religious, she might want to visit with people in her church about the adoption programs associated with her religion.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

the other parent disciplining the children Posted: 1/8/2008 10:36:14 PM
Dad and the g/f/new wife/whatever need to take the time to introduce the kids to the baby and repeat it every time there is a visit. They also need to be reminded (gently) that the older kids are not used to newborns (unless you have one). So they need to monitor the baby and kids interaction closely. It's like dogs and kids-they're really cute together but never leave them alone.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

Another question for the moms... Posted: 1/8/2008 10:28:35 PM
Just one suggestion to the other (mostly) good ones- When you walk through the door, try ASKING her what she needs your assistance with rather than TELLING her what you will do! Treat her like a partner in raising your kids and keeping your home and life on track instead of like an EMPLOYEE! I know, you're tired and it was a long day and you didn't mean to sound like that and and and... What ever. Just try changing YOUR approach for a day or two and see if it gets a response. Sometimes it's better to be married than right.

hd321

Joined: 9/7/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Embarrassing question-whipping it out inappropriately Posted: 1/7/2008 6:41:46 PM
Yes, I have had it happen to me. Usually, the stare down, then up with a raised eyebrow will get it back in the pants. I have asked if it was a free-range (ock before?

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