question about being single. chat & forums.

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sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

question about being single. Posted: 3/2/2008 10:27:51 PM
i noticed within the time frame of valentines day i got alot more calls from girls who may have not callled otherwise I'd imagine many girls were looking for a date, a romantic fantasy evening-- with flowers, dinner, a gift-- and then that passed.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

getting swept off your feet. What's up with that. Posted: 3/2/2008 10:18:50 PM
"swept off my feet" would make me feel unbalanced.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Being in the psych field Posted: 3/2/2008 10:14:42 PM
Might be fun to be analyzed. It wouldn't bother me, but maybe if people are afraid of their own unresolved issues, they might fear these issues would "leak" and be discovered. You also run the risk of someone thinking, "Background in counseling psychology? Oh goodie!! Let's talk about me--and my thing with my mother...at 2am, when I've had a couple of drinks!!!"

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

What not to wear Posted: 3/2/2008 10:06:41 PM
After all guys can know what looks good and what doesn't, can't we? You mean like the brightly colored thong panties riding above the low-cut jeans-- yeah, guys love that! LOL Telling a woman "You're Ugly and Your Mother Dresses You Funny" probably won't go over too well.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

question about being single. Posted: 3/2/2008 10:03:17 PM
Being single doesn't mean I'm "alone". I have friends, family, people who depend on me, and groups I belong to where I meet a great number of wonderful people. I'm not so concerned with meeting the right person as I am with becoming the right person.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

getting to know.... what? Posted: 3/2/2008 9:57:27 PM
Getting to know someone takes a lot of time. It can't be rushed or condensed. But there are people who don't want to share of themselves, or open up, or discuss important topics, or be emotionally vulnerable, so they share only their bodies.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

How do you quell a compassionate nature you're born with? Posted: 3/2/2008 9:37:03 PM
Might be a good idea to investigate your self-esteem issues. What you're describing doesn't sound particularly compassionate but more like you're feeling unworthy and fearful. You might be too willing to base your sense of self-worth on what you "do" for other people (involving, caring, trusting, and loving indiscriminately) , rather than for who you are. If you're THAT compassionate, channel this into volunteering or a worthy cause, not by trying to "earn" affection from other people.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

the breakup to makeup cycle-help it stop Posted: 3/2/2008 9:31:36 PM
Sounds like you could use some therapy or counseling to work on why you don't respect yourself.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Should I go any further with this woman? Posted: 3/2/2008 2:31:50 PM
If it bugs you it bugs you. You don't have to date someone who sleeps with other women, nor justify your reasons for not wanting to. And there's no need to try to find a reason for this disgusting you. A lot of people don't find this bi-sexual/bi-curious thing cute or exciting. What woman would be ok with a MAN saying he slept with a MALE co-worker??

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

how have your expectations changed over the years? Posted: 3/2/2008 2:27:49 PM
No, I still find myself attracted to the same types of men, and desiring the same things I did before-- character, morals, values, maturity, emotionally secure, etc.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Sex in new relationships, how long should you wait?. Posted: 3/2/2008 2:24:50 PM
How long into the relationship do you think you should wait?. Until we're married. Or at the very least nearly engaged. Have you jumped the gun and regretted it? No, I don't play with firearms. Wouldn't it make sense to plan a weekend away with no distractions where you can both take your time to explore each other. I think that's called a honeymoon.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Advice on Crumbling Relationship? Posted: 3/2/2008 2:06:21 PM
HMMM...I'm thinking the baby is not his... Yep. And I'm thinking she knows it.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

Should i listen to my heart or to my head and friends? Posted: 3/2/2008 2:01:19 PM
It sounds pretty dysfunctional to me. You were sleeping at her house on the first date, having sex on the second-- they she comes back with "she didn't do relationships" and "she had never ever let any guy get close to her " and oh yeah, I have a 5 year old. Then there's you, with the "i'm here for her as long as she wants me...and i'm not going to just walk away and give up on someone"--- you've known her a few WEEKS! You continue with " i want to be the guy that she never had who will help and be her superman i guess..." That's called Stupid Chivalry-- By getting involved with the wrong woman (weak, flaky, damaged, needy, desperate, stupid, untrustworhty, immature etc.). you think your love will save/transform her. Sorry but your life isn't a TV show, but is sure is full of silly drama. Listen to your friends.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Need some advise big time please help. Posted: 3/2/2008 1:23:33 PM
She's 21, never had a boyfriend, and lives almost 5 hours away from you. You are divorced with 3 children. Yeah, she probably realized this was too much for her. She may like you, but this situation isn't for her. I'm almost twice her age and I wouldn't get involved with this either. What should you do? Let her go. Stop talking to her friends.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

Pet names too soon, why? Posted: 3/2/2008 1:08:34 PM
I don't mind the sweetie, gorgeous, baby....it's just a man trying to be flirty or cute or show his "romantic"side. Of course it's not to be taken seriously--it's just for fun. If this "the sweetie, gorgeous, baby" routine is the extent of their conversational skills, it's usually apparent early on and he fades off. I'm sure some women ONLY want to hear/play the the sweetie, gorgeous, baby stuff while others are looking for something different. I think it's harmless. Sweetie, hun, sugar. They're all fine. Lighten up? It's just a bit of flirting. If it's a turn off, that's fine. But why should it make you so angry? I agree.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

signs the man you're talking to online is attached/married Posted: 3/2/2008 12:52:16 PM
If you chat online, he closes his chat abruptly-- and later blames it on his computer or internet connection-- hmmmm. Once maybe, but often? If you're chatting, ask to talk on the phone instead. If he can't/won't for whatever reason, chances are he's not alone. Once maybe, but often?

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

unsure of how to proceed Posted: 3/2/2008 12:44:54 PM
I think this is one of the reasons AA and similar programs advise those recovering from addictions NOT to become romantically involved with someone until they've been sober for at least a year. You might consider discussing this with your sponsor or someone who has been in your position. You're not obligated to stay in a relationship where you don't feel you can be your best.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Do you girls have your frieneds check out guys profiles? Posted: 3/2/2008 12:32:26 PM
Only to confirm whether or not we've receive the exact same emails from the same man, or if he's been pursuing her while claiming to be enamored with me. You don't have to appeal to my friends, but my friends cannot have appealed to you LOL i maaaaaaaaay have done that. im pretty sure i havent but it is a possibility. but if were just talking online i dont see where that is an issue. talking online isnt a full on commites relationship and i expect ur talking to other guys too. if i find a girl i like and start talking to her face to face then yea i kinda leave my POF profile alone and only mess around on the forums. but before that...no Sending women the exact same emails is cheezy. Feeding women the exact same lines means whatever you're saying is meaningless. Making a date with someone you're interested in, and telling her all the reasons why you're interested in her... while sending out emails to 20 other women the night before your date with the same lines would make me think you're insincere. No one mentioned the words committed relationship. I'm talking about differentiating between the guy trying for a date with ANYONE WHO'LL RESPOND vs. the men looking for a date with ME.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

is i to soon to help my SO with the cleaning while i stay at his house Posted: 3/2/2008 12:14:09 PM
I wouldn't start acting like a housewife until you were one

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Ladies, I'd like to get some insight Posted: 3/2/2008 12:10:44 PM
I don't miss him, I just might wonder what he's doing at any given moment. I don't like clingy people in general. A man should call whenever he feels he wants to speak to me. Why do girls blow hot and cold? Who knows. People have lives we know nothing about. Do women like being chased? I prefer to call it courted.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Do you girls have your frieneds check out guys profiles? Posted: 3/2/2008 12:07:55 PM
Only to confirm whether or not we've receive the exact same emails from the same man, or if he's been pursuing her while claiming to be enamored with me. You don't have to appeal to my friends, but my friends cannot have appealed to you LOL

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

reading women in nightclubs? Posted: 3/2/2008 12:04:38 PM
Drunks. Grinding. Kissing strangers. Three more reasons why shun that scene and ballroom dance instead LOL Who knows why anyone does what they do in a nightclub after a few drinks.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Can you ever totally trust the (ex)online dater? Posted: 3/2/2008 11:58:17 AM
Well, if you can't trust that person you shouldn't trust that person. Trust and respect are earned over time, not given in a rush of infatuation. If I felt the need to check up on someone, then my trust hasn't been earned. Perhaps agreeing to exclusivity was premature.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

could he have fallen out of love this easily Posted: 3/2/2008 11:54:47 AM
He lied to you about living with someone else. He lied to "everyone" by keeping that relationship a secret. He was behaving unethically by living with a former MENTAL patient from his work. You believe him when he claims he didn't give his former lover his phone number? I hope this character is worth missing sleep and meals over. My advice would be to take a good look at who this person really is-- be honest with yourself.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Rescuing a girl from a pestering guy Posted: 3/1/2008 8:57:46 PM
From what you described, she didn't "seem uncomfortable" to me if she's standing there answering their personal questions instead of telling them to piss off. Probably enjoyed being hit on. It can be fun.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Had dinner and Movie with my ex. Now what? Posted: 3/1/2008 6:23:58 PM
You're one of a few "prime candidates"?? Does that make you feel special? Wanted? Important? Respected? Desired? Loved? Secure? Happy? Positive? Valued? Or does this make you feel confused, second best, unsure, wary, and dubious?

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

What should the inexperienced do? Posted: 3/1/2008 6:07:11 PM
Join things and go out in mixed groups so you get a feel for socializing with women on a friendly level first. When you feel comfortable, your fear of rejection will decrease and you'll be more willing to ask a woman out. Meanwhile, I'm sure there's a book called "Dating for Dummies" or something similar.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 60 (view)

WHO do you dress for ? Posted: 3/1/2008 5:37:24 PM
I dress to feel good and for the occasion. I don't try to get attention by the way I dress. And I certainly don't rely on my clothing to "impress" someone.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 43 (view)

single men in their 30s living alone with a dog Posted: 3/1/2008 5:29:35 PM
A guy sits in Applebee's and starts listening in to someone's conversation. He reports back what he overheard-- which seems to amount to a sentence or two. And look at the judgmental, dismissive, and downright rude responses: Yeah, I've dated a lot of chicks I met at Applebees and they're all pretty lousy but good for a roll in the hay. some people are just shallow and petty and judgemental. That's THEIR problem, not yours. some ditzzie woman who is extremely judgemental imo and whom you`d never wanna try ta have a relationship with Some people are just idiots, For the girls at Applebee's making such judgements shows that they are just superficial, judgmental bimbos seems many women dont want an independant man. those woman you overheard are idiots. They don't like men period. It doesn't matter what a man does because those types will turn it into a negative. Did I mention they were idiots? Just chalk it up to someone (the woman) who is clueless. The 2 gals would still complain... somehow when people are negative and unhappy she was being ridiculously sarcastic This woman, clearly indicated by opening her mouth, that she in fact, was the "looser". What she was really saying was....."He's not into ME.....that makes him a LOSER".. 'stupid' is an equal opportunity employer and does not discriminate against gender. She sounds as if she is a model employeee. Makes me wonder who's really "shallow and petty and judgmental" after all. (And how few can spell the word judgmental LOL)

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

single men in their 30s living alone with a dog Posted: 3/1/2008 1:31:51 PM
You most likely did not overhear the entire conversation, and obviously don't know who they were referring to. The "lives with his dog" part could have been preceded by..."cheated with 5 women, drank, gambled, treated his mother like dirt, never bathed, lost 6 jobs in 6 months... AND lives with his dog. What a loser!" And just because you didn't happen to hear it all doesn't mean those women hadn't been discussing the man in question long before you started listening in. I think you might be a a tad sensitive if eavesdropping on other people's conversations causes you to question yourself.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

I am disabled, how do you tell people. Posted: 3/1/2008 12:22:50 PM
I think most people would be interested in knowing right away. Before meeting, tell people "I have bi-polar disorder and paranoia, this does not mean I am a psycho" so they can decide whether or not they are capable of truly understanding you. Some people might not feel up to that challenge, so for everyone's sake, be upfront and honest before anyone becomes too involved.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

First dates...meeting her AND her friends Posted: 3/1/2008 12:19:59 PM
If she's over the age of 17, I think she's way out of line bringing a gaggle of girlfriends along on a date. I didn't know grown women did this type of thing.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

whats next Posted: 3/1/2008 12:16:51 PM
Stop searching and start attracting.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

What exactly does hang out mean Posted: 3/1/2008 12:13:44 PM
To me it means sit around and do nothing, with no plans to ever do anything.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Wife wants to Separate and have space Posted: 3/1/2008 11:59:12 AM
She wants to "find herself" by dating other men?? I suggest you see a lawyer immediately and make arrangements to keep your home and children safe. Get smart and protect yourself and your kids from someone who feels no qualms about their ability to "risk losing everything". Love, being in love, wanting to love, maybe loving--- LOVE isn't the issue here-- it's about a woman who is destroying the marriage and the stability of her childens' lives to fool around with other men. As I said, get a lawyer and protect yourself and the kids.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Concerning Long Distance Posted: 3/1/2008 11:53:06 AM
You would be doing a disservice to any woman you happen to date if you're dating them without any interest in developing a relationship and/or hoping to one day reunited with your ex. I suggest you stop looking for other women to fill the void and make a life for yourself doing other things-- pursuing hobbies or goals. When you come to terms with your past and your future, you might then decide to involve other women in your life.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

He is just a Friend...... Posted: 3/1/2008 11:48:10 AM
You've already answered your own question, and have come to a conclusion about your dilemma. I am getting to the point where I want to just write her off!....This game has gone on far too long and it is not something I feel like playing anymore. That's your prerogative.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Must live in: USA, Canada, UK..etc Posted: 3/1/2008 11:40:53 AM
I don't look for love outside of my area code-- I really don't care to make a plane reservation in order to have a cup of coffee with someone. That said, I don't mind corresponding with people from anywhere in the world.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Accents...turn on or off? and other questions Posted: 3/1/2008 11:37:54 AM
I have friends from all over the world, many with accents, and many make grammar mistakes and use more formal words rather than slang. It's neither attractive nor unattractive-- it just is.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Shaving Legs Posted: 3/1/2008 11:26:30 AM
One word on men shaving things below the face: Ick!

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

What do think of a guy who doesn't go to the bars? Posted: 3/1/2008 11:25:43 AM
Great! I don't go to bars either. I don't even drink. I don't really find the bar flies/club hoppers my type.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Is this just unhealthy boundaries or is he just spineless? Posted: 2/29/2008 9:28:01 PM
I think he's an easy going man who doesn't care to cause drama or problems or make waves. If none of the men have a problem with it, then what does it matter? I wouldn't call him names like spineless. But I wouldn't care for his lack of moral values when it comes to allowing his son to shack up with his girlfriend under his roof. The water is nothing compared to that issue.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

What do you think of a guy who has a kid with a lesbian? Posted: 2/28/2008 10:09:14 AM
I would not date you at all. Your family values would not be in line with mine and I'd probably consider you to be incredibly selfish and short sighted. I think your idea is horrifying, and that so many people find it "cool" says a something pathetic about our society.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

Is it ethical to tell a married woman that if she was ever to leave her husband ... Posted: 2/28/2008 9:56:02 AM
Why not let her husband know that if his wife ever decides to leave him, you'll be there. If you don't have the guts to tell her husband, it's wrong.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Saying I love you Posted: 2/27/2008 3:09:57 PM
Maybe after you've been together 7 years and are married, he'll feel more comfortable saying the words. Since it's only a few months, he's trying his best to show his emotions through his actions. I don't think it's fair to him to look so far into the future and add children to the mix when you haven't even been together a year! It may be very important for YOU to have your kids hear those words, but it might be very important to HIM to show his love in other ways.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

Girl more picky on Plenty of Fish than they would be in real life? Posted: 2/27/2008 3:05:01 PM
I realized I was being pickier online than in real life because the info provided is meaningless. There's age, stats, and a few paragraphs about interests. A photo rarely shows a man's personality. A profile listing doesn't give off any sense of warmth. There's no laughter, no smile, no energy. There's no body language, no tone of voice. There's nothing "human" to connect to. I realized that if I had actually met many of the men in real life first, there would be a much higher chance of me dating them based on the things I mentioned. Plus, the man has seen me-- my shape, my face, my movements--- so if he approached me, it's because he likes what he sees and wants to know more. This makes much more sense than trying to live up to a photo, or classifying my body into "average" vs. "a few extra pounds".

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

On Dancing Posted: 2/27/2008 2:42:13 PM
I ballroom dance, so it would be GREAT to find a partner, whether it includes romance or not-- just a dance partner! But since so few people ballroom, that's not a requirement and I don't expect it. As for going to a club and just moving to the music-- not my thing and I don't find the atmosphere enjoyable.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Talk About Being Impatient Posted: 2/27/2008 2:35:50 PM
I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just saying.... while his reaction sucked, maybe we all need to have a little more compassion for people. Try to have empathy. See things from the other side. He's just a human being, probably feeling rejected and lonely-- just like so many other people. His over reaction doesn't make him a total lunatic... it makes him human with feelings that maybe got hurt or have been hurt. Haven't we all snapped at someone without meaning to? Haven't we all had a miserable day and over-reacted to something stupid? Don't some of the nicest people in the world get frustrated now and then and say things they regret? Does this make them horrible people? I guess I feel sympathy for the guy because I've been in that position (after a long, miserable, 20-hour day I snapped at someone I didn't know very well and instantly regretted it) ...I'm sure I was painted with the "crazy rude inconsiderate b1tch" brush. You know what I'm saying?

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

what do i do? Posted: 2/27/2008 2:22:51 PM
You don't have a choice in this-- he has told you he isn't interested in being with you. You can consider him a "friend" if you think the way he treated you is an acceptable way to treat friends, or you can learn from your mistakes and stop all contact. There's really nothing to "stick out"-- he doesn't want to be with you. The only way to move past this is to cut off all contact and let time heal your wounds.

sabinee

Joined: 9/10/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

bad taste in men Posted: 2/27/2008 2:19:00 PM
There's a book called "Are You the One for Me? Knowing Who's Right and Avoiding Who's Wrong" by Barbara De Angelis. It says, "Readers are asked to make lists of past lovers' worst qualities and then to write a want ad for a partner, highlighting the common themes (``WANTED: Self- absorbed, damaged loser who has lots of potential and is doing nothing with it....''); and possible roots for these perverse attractions in the childhood family experience are then explored. Readers count off ``the seven wrong reasons to be in a relationship'' (from ``sexual hunger'' to ``emotional or spiritual emptiness''); ``nine fatal flaws to watch out for in a partner'' (addiction, control-freak tendencies, sexual dysfunction); seven compatibility time-bombs, etc. Although the majority of the text deals with negatives, going on the theory that recognizing self- destructive habits is the major step toward overcoming them, De Angelis comments briefly on the attitudes and flexibility necessary for change." Sounds like something you might find useful. It's almost impossible to advise you on how to avoid losers if you don't understand why you pick them.

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