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Thread: Trusting after being lied to

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Trusting after being lied to Posted: 1/31/2009 1:28:43 AM
I hate to be the bearer of everything negative, but everyone will and has lied to you. It's apart of human nature as dismal as it sounds. The most you can do is not over analyze situations. It's perfectly fine to have your doubts about someone and to not trust completely, but it's not fine when you start doubting yourself. Most people, naturally, tend to take on the role as the victim in their situations and in your case you're now the victim in every situation. Step outside what your current state of mind is for just a moment and realize that maybe these guys do like you for you. Maybe there is no underlying reason. Maybe you just have a great personality. Maybe they find you to be beautiful. Not everyone's the same. There's a reason why the past is in the past. If you constantly nit-pick at things you're bound to find something, even the tiniest thing, that you will allow to devastate your relationships. "So far, none of these guys has said or done anything that should lead me to think they are lying." Then don't think they're lying. The problem isn't them, it's that you're second guessing yourself. If there's no reason to question their motives, then simply let it be.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 78 (view)

he'll sleep with you, but won't kiss you Posted: 1/31/2009 1:14:07 AM
If he's pushing her away physically when she's trying to kiss him, there's an obvious problem. Plenty of people see kissing a higher form of "intimacy" between two people. Plenty of people also believe kissing shows sincerity to their partners. If he's so eager to sleep with her, then kissing her shouldn't be a problem if he actually was into her. But in this case it seems as though the only thing he's interested comes with no strings attached.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Natural or funky? Posted: 1/30/2009 12:28:49 PM
Any time you opt for something that makes your appearance stand out you're bound to receive extra attention. It's human nature. "And to all the guys here that are adamantly advocating the no makeup look: We shouldn't feel like we have to wear or not wear make-up based on the preferences of men. " Not to mention, most (young and middle aged) women DO wear makeup. Whether it's light or caked on, only a minority will be sporting the "all natural" look that so many men claim to love. Realistically, even the most natural appearing women are probably still wearing foundation and mascara.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Is he leading me on, or trying to get over me? Posted: 12/26/2008 11:26:31 AM
No. But I do realize people judge me based on what I put out on the internet, (I didn't a year ago when I joined this website). I deleted it before you even made your comment because it was embarassing to me. People change with age.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Is he leading me on, or trying to get over me? Posted: 12/26/2008 11:13:50 AM
I've already questioned his feelings for her James, and he said he just "likes" her but it's nowhere near how he supposedly feels for me. He never answered me on why he's dating her if he loves me, he kept avoiding the question. And it is sad that his mother's his guiding light in life, he's a grown man and should be more mature about it.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Is he leading me on, or trying to get over me? Posted: 12/26/2008 11:11:24 AM
I made this profile quite a long time ago, and that's been my "About Me" ever since I made this account. I was young and stupid. -Shrugs.- That would be why I just previously changed it.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Is he leading me on, or trying to get over me? Posted: 12/26/2008 10:45:08 AM
For the longest time my ex was clingy. But he couldn't see me and never managed to get a job, so I put him on the backburner for a while. I gradually started seeing other people, and ignored the majority of his messages. Well, lately some of my past feelings have resurfaced for him and I was thinking of giving him another chance. I thought he was still well into me, since he was still sending me messages about how much he "loved" me and how "beautiful" I was. But boy was I wrong. I found out yesterday he just recently got into a relationship, although he was saying all of these otherwise lovely things to me. So I decided to call him and ask how he could "love" me and be in a relationship with someone else. He claimed he didn't know, and that everything he told me was sincere. (Now that's hard to believe) Then he mentioned that his mother had told him it'd be best if he moved on since the distance was an issue (once again, maybe he should get a vehicle or a job sometime soon, he's 21). When I asked him if he really wanted to move on, he instantly said "No.", and then proceeded to tell me he'd even leave his current girlfriend for me, although he does "like" her. After that, he apparently had to go, but promised to call me back "in a few minutes" over a day ago. Blah. So, what's his deal? Is he leading me on, or is he using this new girl as a bandaid for his wound? =/

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

If a woman asks a man out shoud he expect sex? Posted: 10/24/2007 10:39:18 AM
It would depend on how many brain cells the said man has.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 52 (view)

Girls, whats your view on red haired men?? Posted: 10/23/2007 11:29:43 AM
Hair color is hair color to me. It's all about the personality and what you have to bring to the table. "I know red haired woman don't have problems" That's a matter of opinion. Although there're guys who find it attractive, there're also a bunch who don't. I guess the same could stand true for any hair color, but reds are the outcasts without a doubt. Although I must say, I think red hair is attractive, but maybe that's because I have it and I'm a bit attached? Haha.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 93 (view)

Do Men Really Beleive That Blondes are Stupid? Posted: 10/19/2007 4:50:52 PM
I think men believe most stereotypes honestly. But whoever said "blondes have more fun" is so dearly mistaken. I have friends that're blonde, and the most fun they've ever had is with me and I'm a red head. It's all about who you are, not the hair color. And ones IQ can only be determined by what they know not a pigment.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 99 (view)

rape or just stupidity? Posted: 10/19/2007 12:52:12 PM
No means no, regardless if she had previously agreed. "you REALLY send a man off to prison on a "rape" charge because he was not controlled enough to stop??" I completely agree with Ravenstar. The idea of NOT sending a man to jail for this is pure idiotic. I find it quite odd how a man can use the age old excuse "I couldn't control myself" but if the tables were turned and the woman was raping the man it wouldn't be seen in the same light. You can control yourself, and if you honestly believe you can't.. seek some psychiatric help. There's no excuse to force sex on a woman, although there might be reasons why she was raped, none could ever justify the actual act. Pure and simple: When the person says no, listen.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Just friends???? Posted: 10/19/2007 11:18:23 AM
I'd say you can have friends without the attraction/wanting to do anything with them. But usually, people tend to have friends who they've found attractive somehow in the first place. After all no one wants to be friends with someone who bores them on all levels. So it's easy to see how "just friends" can easily turn into something else. But it's also easy to see how some of our friends we'd just feel better leaving alone. There's a reason why friends and lovers are different.. in one there's something we're not looking for.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 81 (view)

Horrible kisser = deal breaker???? Posted: 10/19/2007 11:13:08 AM
Usually when you're a bad kisser you're also bad at well.. pretty much everything else. So yes, it's a deal breaker. Especially if you have bad breath. cringes

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 182 (view)

Men who arrive for the 1st date with a rose.....do women like it? Posted: 10/19/2007 11:07:28 AM
Honestly.. I don't care. Actually, it's more of a rose is boring. Bring your personality to the table, not a flower.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

do people have different opinions of potential mates depending on their disability? Posted: 10/19/2007 10:09:58 AM
Of course if you see someone physically disabled your initial reaction is to act differently since it's not something you usually see. But as far as having a different opinion goes, I myself don't. But like other people have previously stated here, when you're living with someone who's physically disabled it's more to take care of and you have to accept that or don't at all. Some people don't like the burden of taking care of someone either now or in the future with a physical problem, but one of those people aren't me. And as the lady before me said, if you truly love that person you'll do anything for them.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

Is shyness hindering you from getting a potential date? Posted: 10/19/2007 8:50:30 AM
I'm extremely shy in person, which is one of the reasons why I'm on this website. So I know where you're coming from. I think the best thing you can do though, when a girl appears interested in you, is give her a compliment or just smile. Sometimes when you're too shy and you don't say much you tend to appear not interested in that person at all (which you very well might not be) but kindness goes a long way if you're shy and don't have much to say in the first place.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

Attractive women on POF Posted: 10/18/2007 12:55:12 PM
Attractive or not, we're all people. It's kind of silly to assume just because a woman's attractive she can get whoever she wants, because I assure that's not true. Online gives you more options to find "the one" or at least someone you would've never had the chance to meet before. You can come across thousands of people online, whereas only a few in day to day life. It's only helping you along. Not to mention if you don't like someone there's the block button.. which I wish was an option in person. "So what say you? Is dating in the real world much tougher now than it was in the past? Has online dating become so totally NON taboo that people prefer to meet this way?" I don't think dating is any "tougher". But some people are naturally shy, reserved or they just can't quite find what they're looking for in their own community (which seems to be the case for most people). But I for one find it easier to get to know someone online than in person. In the 'real world' there's constant distractions and there's a side of people you see online that you don't see face to face, which can be both a nice thing or not so much. But the fact remains that, it's easier to find the person for you when you're weeding through so many people to begin with.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 477 (view)

boobs Posted: 10/18/2007 7:42:37 AM
Breast implants aren't going to change your mindset. If you're not comfortable with yourself to begin with, no matter what you upgrade your cup size to, you're going to always have doubts. Appreciate what you have, we're all different shapes and sizes. I don't see why we can't embrace that. If you're contemplating getting your breasts enlarged simply because men "favor" larger breasts, that's ridiculous. Men might favor Barbie doll tanorexics too, are you going to get more plastic surgery then? In the long run the only person you'll ever be good enough for is yourself.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

The Hypocrisy of Attraction Posted: 10/18/2007 7:32:07 AM
All of those geeks dating "super model types" are raking in the money and working for million dollar companies. Anyway, as far as listing a few things you're looking for in particular, that's not a bad thing. We all want different things and there's nothing wrong with it in particular other than the fact that when it's 20 things being listed v.s. 10, the person might seem a bit close minded. It would be nice to see people broaden their horizons a bit, but at the same time it's also nice to see people who know what they want in life. But I know someone mentioned men limiting women right down to their breast size. If that's not completely shallow I don't know what is. But then again, that's also why they're single.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 86 (view)

What makes you feel sexy? Posted: 10/18/2007 7:21:28 AM
It's not so much of clothes and shoes that make me feel sexy, it's when you exhilarate self confidence and you know no one else can take that away from you. To me, that's sexy. To see someone comfortable in their own skin without layers of make-up or their hair straightened/curled to perfection, is something that gains my appreciation every time.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 81 (view)

Could you let your girlfriend/boyfriend be bi-sexual Posted: 10/18/2007 6:46:37 AM
Ditto to what MscAphrodite said.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 75 (view)

Could you let your girlfriend/boyfriend be bi-sexual Posted: 10/17/2007 4:51:28 PM
Well I don't see how one could've been gay in the past but doesn't identify that way now. That's a closeted homosexual, there's a difference.

Joined: 9/13/2007

Msg: 70 (view)

Could you let your girlfriend/boyfriend be bi-sexual Posted: 10/17/2007 3:45:00 PM
I think you're over looking the fact that we're all people with wants and needs. Being bisexual is an orientation, not some life threatening disease that could permanently alter a relationship. And by asking "could" you "let" them, is that really in your power? Do we honestly still believe we have control over how people feel? The idea of that kind of makes me skiddish on where society today is going. But you should be honest, by all means. If you like both, tell your partner that. The thing about being bisexual is everyone feels slightly different; whereas some people choose to be with two partners rather than 1. But the same could be said with a straight couple (also polygamists). It should be discussed in the relationship, but certainly it shouldn't be a factor that could end a potentially great union between two people. So I say, get past what the person is attracted to because they wouldn't be with you in the first place if there wasn't some general attraction there. If they mention bringing another partner into the relationship, give it some thought. It comes down to your ideals, really. But it shouldn't be looked down upon as something 'sick'.

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