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realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

When do you tell? Posted: 11/5/2009 8:11:05 PM
Not right when you meet them but before it becomes an intimate relationship. My present girlfriend earned a LOT of points by telling me the 2nd "date" that she was dealing with lupus. The integrity to tell me "early" told me she must have other qualities that also aren't found every day...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Be direct... Posted: 11/5/2009 7:38:51 PM
Tell him you'd like to get to know him better after the job is over if he's up for it.

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Just looking for some insight… Is it time to stop trying? Posted: 8/27/2009 10:38:14 PM
If your friendship is really 90/10 why do you bother? (In my experience that is not a true friendship... Someone is being used.)

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Are there really fake profiles on here? Posted: 8/17/2009 7:47:24 PM
Usually pix a few years old or 20+ lbs ago.... Not unusual for profiles to be distorted.

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

How to know if it's real? Posted: 8/17/2009 7:41:59 PM
Simple... If he's stuck working late you cut him a little extra slack... Suggest a nice late night / midnight walk and picnic under the full moon when he finally gets off work... If he's too busy to squeeze you in between work and sleep then drop him... Hint: If it's not bs and he is into you he won't have a problem sharing his schedule with you in detail so you can figure out how and where to meet up...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Should you tell someone you're not interested in them or just ignore them? Posted: 8/17/2009 7:26:20 PM
Tell them politely that you are not interested in persuing it... If that does not work switch to ignoring them.

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

What should the first contact have Posted: 8/17/2009 7:03:21 PM
At least enough to show that you bothered to read their profile. If you saw something in there that captured your interest I would mention it as well as possibly giving some related info about yourself that is not already listed in your profile.

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Cheating with an ex Posted: 8/6/2009 11:07:45 PM
Depends on the guy. In my case the ex persuing would make no difference at all. I believe in properly ending something before starting something new.

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

question guys... Posted: 8/3/2009 8:45:42 PM
It might be the guys you're picking. There are a lot of guys out there who like a woman who can pull their own weight... I personally don't want the kind that freezes in helplessness when the going gets a little rough. If you never let the woman "be in charge" how will you know how she is likely to behave if you actually need her to back you up?

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

What do guys look for in a woman? Posted: 7/19/2009 10:44:11 PM
Just don't get so busy comparing the next guy you meet to your checklist that you miss the opportunity to find out who he truly is...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

i am feeling that i may be too needy Posted: 7/18/2009 10:37:09 PM
Sounds to me like you are seriously "mis-reading" him... Sounds to me like he wants to "add to your life" not "be your life..." The jerks out there are more than willing to let a woman "build their world around them." Sounds to me like the man you're with wants a "real woman," not just a female he can steer around... IMHO a "healthy relationship" consists of both parties bringing something unique and interesting to the table that otherwise would not exist... If they get so wrapped up in each other that there is NO OUTSIDE INFLUENCE the whole thing is bound to stagnate because you spend so much time together that neither can come up with anything new to offer... My advice is go join a charitable organization like "habitat for humanity" or something and next time you're having dinner you can tell him about how you learned to do framing, drywall, electrical work or something... If he is half the man I think he is he'll step up to the plate and encourage your efforts as well as have a deeper appreciation for other undeveloped skills you may not yet have explored...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Sure.... Posted: 7/18/2009 10:26:17 PM
Just find a guy that's already getting plenty of sex elsewhere... He'll probably be happy to just spend time with you discussing the latest politics, art, fashion trends, or whatever you share in common... Just don't be surprised if when you're ready to "get serious" he pulls out the "just friends" card on you...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

why do men push women away after a parent's death Posted: 7/18/2009 9:23:24 PM
I remember when my brother died... I really did not need my first ex-wife adding "extra stress" to the situation. When a life changing event like death happens it reminds you how precious life is... It is normal for someone to re-evaluate the choices they are making during the short time we have to wander the planet. It may sound harsh but If you take more than you give don't be surprised if you're left on the roadside once this evaluation has been completed...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Didn't know what to say Posted: 6/16/2009 11:07:46 PM
I think my part of the bill is about XXX. Does that sound right to you? Would you like to see the receipt? (I think clear direct communication would probably be better than a smart ass comment...)

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

When is it cheating? Posted: 6/16/2009 10:54:37 PM
My partner and I agreed that NOTHING is off limits. The only condition we set was that if either of us had sex with someone else that we would disclose that to each other before further sexual contact between us... Most people would probably consider that to be ridiculously open... However; for us it works because neither of us is a control freak. After being in a so-called marriage with someone who had major "trust issues" it is wonderfully freeing to have NOTHING that is considered "out of bounds." So far it has been pretty much a theoretical freedom since we've been pretty busy exploring each other but after having done this for more than a year the way most other relationships are structured looks kind of like jail to me... Unfortunately many women seem to like turning a promise of sexual exclusivity into a weapon of control to make a guy jump through hoops like a trained poodle... Seems to me if they wanted a poodle they should have got one instead of a man...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

Lying on your profile...not really divorced!! Yet went to dinner anyways! Posted: 6/16/2009 10:45:11 PM
There seems to be a stigma associated with being "separated." I have been separated more than 2 yrs. The final divorce trial is supposed to be on June 19 and her attorney asked for another delay less than 3 days before the trial because they "don't have a complete file." Uh - what was the question again? Oh yeah... Why would somebody lie about being divorced... Maybe because they are going based on their heart instead of the screwy "justice system" we have to deal with... In my heart I'm divorced... Legally speaking I'm still watching paperwork go in circles while she keeps my kids 1,200 miles away... I wish I had a lousy dinner to worry about instead of endless delays while our poor kids are used as pawns in some kind of a sick chess game... (Next time run right away - if the guy\gal can't be truthful at the beginning don't expect them to be later...) Of course if I'd followed that advice I wouldn't have two wonderful kids now...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

Long Distance Relationships? Posted: 6/16/2009 10:19:50 PM
My mom and her husband got married while living on different continents... They are of the only truly happy couples I know... On the other hand if he is the one ALWAYS doing the travelling I don't think your chances are very good... You should be mutually crazy about each other and BOTH willing to do what it takes to make it work...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Walking away verses closure Posted: 6/16/2009 10:05:43 PM
I think everyone deserves an honest answer as to why you don't want to be in a relationship anymore. If you've given that honset answer and they can't handle it or don't believe it then I'm not sure there is a whole lot you can do other than try to explain it again in a different way or something... (If after expressing it several different ways they still don't get it then either A> They don't want to get it or B> You are being vague or unclear in your answer.

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 43 (view)

what is love to you ? Posted: 6/16/2009 9:58:09 PM
Someone in the forums pointed me to the book "the five languages of love" about a year ago. I don't buy into all of it but I definitely agree that different people express their love in different ways. If you want your message to be received it is best if you use one of the "dominant" communication methods of your partner instead of your own... Of the 5 "languages" I tend to use only about 3...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

What are you inclined to do? Posted: 6/16/2009 9:54:27 PM
Like someone else said unless one of the significant factors has changed in the meantime there probably isn't much point in trying to rebuild... But I would not be cold or blunt. If they needed input from me to better understand why I wasn't interested in rebuilding or something I would try to help...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

What's the deal with motorcycles? Posted: 6/16/2009 9:42:46 PM
I think for most men it is being candid. Lots of women can not handle a relationship with a guy who rides... They are being courteous by posting possible deal breakers up front before possible emotional involvement... Ask any guy who rides how many times per week someone says I wish I could ride but "my girlfriend / wife / significant other won't let me..." With many men on here being "recycled" I think it is a message to prospective interests not to bother trying to change this aspect of their lives... If you can't handle a relationship with a man / woman who rides then keep on looking... I view a guy / gal posting it as a sign of courtesy. Letting you know the possible deal breakers early on.

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

BOTH! Posted: 6/16/2009 9:37:32 PM
A balanced life requires balance in other aspects as well... But it can be really FUN to play with the "balancing point." For a gal to keep me interested it helps if she can stimulate me both mentally and physically. But for short periods of time it can be fun for her to get really physical and frisky without a bunch of mental analyzing involved... On the other hand I can really enjoy a good healthy debate... If she were to interrupt that debate with a BJ I would probably concede the debate... So I guess the answer is the physical... (but one without the other is rather limiting...)

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

Dinner on the first date? Posted: 6/11/2009 9:52:32 PM
Some gals feel quite self-conscious / nervous at a first meet and does not mix well with dinner. So, I think lunch or dinner for a first date would be ok but I would probably advise against it for a "1st meet."

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 43 (view)

Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink? Posted: 6/11/2009 9:46:38 PM
I'm confused... You ordered the first round because you were tired of waiting for him... What did you order for him? How did you know what he would like? I'm not sure I'd want a drink sitting around for 1/2 hr before I got there getting "watery" or something... Was he so late that you drank his half of the first round too or by first round do you mean that you bought yourself a drink while you were waiting? Sounds to me like a little open communication would have worked better than getting all upset over his actions not meeting your expectations...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

how do you show your support when their child is sick Posted: 5/18/2009 11:29:05 PM
You can offer to pick up prescriptions or groceries... Sometimes it is hard to do simple errands when dealing with the "big stuff..."

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

what does a guy expect on the first meeting??????? Posted: 5/18/2009 10:41:58 PM
Someone to communicate clearly enough to figure out if you have enough in common to spend a few hours or more with them and enjoy each other's company.

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

what does a guy expect on the first meeting??????? Posted: 5/18/2009 10:39:30 PM
Someone to communicate clearly enough to figure out if you have enough in common to spend a few hours or more with them and enjoy each other's company.

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 128 (view)

Being seperated but no divorce in sight Posted: 4/15/2009 10:42:40 PM
I was supposed to be divorced by now. But at the date of trial my ex-to-be decided that she wanted to go back to her previous attorney. (I get to pay my attorney for 6 hrs at $200 per hr for her to say - "Uh wait a min - I saw the witnesses in the hall and don't want to go to trial right now after all. I want my old attorney back...) Maybe a couple months from now it will be "final." (Will be almost 2 yrs by the time things are all finalized) A LOT of people going through separation / divorce no longer have any "respect" for a piece of paper in a courthouse saying they are "married." It takes a lot more than a fancy house to make a home. It takes a lot more than a fancy piece of paper in a courthouse to make a successful relationship... Personally I find this emphasis of people on "relationships" and disdain for the formalities encouraging... A REAL relationship does not require a paper in the courthouse to hit them over the head with if things don't go your way... A REAL relationship is built on mutual courtesy and respect... (You don't see a lot of that in "family law" court. ) People with that sit down and do the paperwork and the courthouse rubber stamps it... (They don't even have to appear.)

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Am I realistic or wasting my time here? Ask for your opinion. Posted: 4/15/2009 10:00:18 PM
I would love to have the "baggage" from my last relationship. Their mother snatched them away and they currently reside 1,200 miles away from me. 2 yrs later I am still trying to get this situation corrected. Children are not "baggage," they are a wonderful gift to be treasured for the fleeting time we have to spend with them... Ummm. Dating... "Nothing is Constant" pretty much nailed it... It is up to you... I was hanging out with a great gal I met on POF for a number of months who had 4 kids (2 or 3 of them teenagers). We ended up going our separate ways. As I see it she did not have any idea where SHE ended and her KIDS began. Everything she did was framed in reference to her kids. Being a father, I can understand being placed after the kids in importance... However; if you don't put YOURSELF first once in a while you won't be in a position to provide proper guidance to your kids...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Do you thinkl the 7 year Itch is just a myth? Posted: 4/15/2009 9:43:49 PM
I think there is a little more than just "myth" to it. Most people tend to take each other for granted. A good relationship is like a beautiful garden. You need to spend a little time in it to water it, pull weeds, talk to the "flowers," fertilize it, aerate the soil, etc. If you don't take the time to do these things don't be surprised if things wilt and die on the vine... Or to put it differently... After a number of years stuck working in a department store, it can be hard to see the beautiful woman you once found so attractive when you feel like you've been stuck in charge of the complaint desk when you thought you signed up for the lingerie department... I see it every day... Women ridiculing their "men" in public... And then they wonder why POOF! They abandoned their "wonderful" family and ran off with an old girlfriend from high school... Treat him like your king and let him grow into the role... Treat him like something you stepped in and can't wait to scrape off your shoe and your opinions, feelings, hopes and dreams will become less important than a hammer in his toolbox... (and you'll be sitting there cluelessly wondering where the "romance" went...)

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

he doesn't know if he loves me, needs some time... Posted: 4/15/2009 9:20:48 PM
It is very simple. Guys have a real hard time with the "L" word... This is RIDICULOUS... Tell her you "love" her - as defined in the new "feminist dictionary." (Not the "ever-after" kind - just the "as long as it is convenient for me" kind...) DONE. No problem!

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Poll: How do you feel about nonromantic messages? Posted: 4/15/2009 8:27:33 PM
I seem to get more responses to those type of messages than the "Hello" messages that I used to send out. (At this point I'm mainly here for the forums so don't send out "Hello" messages)

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Sensitive to his ex's breakup so won't stay overnight with me Posted: 3/19/2009 7:38:53 PM
Have you been introduced to his ex? (as his girlfriend) If not you're probably being played... They have been living in separate bedrooms for at least 10 years for the sake of his daughter... That means she is at least 10 yrs old... Old enough to understand mom and dad breaking up... A bunch of stuff in this situation sounds a little strange...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

how do i get a guy just to b friends???? Posted: 3/10/2009 12:31:01 AM
That's funny... Gal's aren't interested in being just friends with me. I tell them I am happily in a relationship and all I want is to play racquetball, tennis, hike after work once in a while (purely platonic) or something like that... My GF lives about 2 hr drive away and I generally head out her way on the weekends... It would be nice to have someone to work out with or do stuff with once in a while during the week... Seems to me that for many women wanting just friends seems to be code for "I do not want any pressure for intimacy unless I decide that I want to initiate it..." They want an intimate relationship but insist that it HAS TO BE SOLELY ON THEIR TERMS... (Well isn't that the way it always is anyway?)

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Start with the basics... Posted: 3/9/2009 11:44:15 PM
I don't think it is JUST because you're asian... I don't think it is JUST because you are shy... I suspect it is mainly your attitude. Women like a man with confidence. If you start stumbling or stuttering when you see a pretty girl it does not make a good impression. Being in the "friend zone" sucks. But do not avoid it. It is a very good place to pick up on body language, communication skills, and the "inside information" on what makes a woman "tick." Do not hang out in the "friend zone" just in the hope of trying to turn a friend into more - BE a REAL friend to them... If you pay attention you'll learn how they pick a guy they want to hang out with. (What they like, what they don't. What someone said or did that interested them / turned them off, etc. ) Some things most women have in common, some things are individual likes or dislikes. (If you have several friends that are female you'll eventually start to pick up on what they are.) Go out on a few dates. Who cares if they are disasters or don't result in sparking a relationship. Don't think of them as potentially meeting your soul mate. Think of it as going to "communicating with girls 101." You may eventually hit it off with someone. I suspect that your self-doubt and low self-esteem are probably shooting you down more than anything else. After almost 10 yrs of being belittled and ridiculed by my ex-wife to be it took probably 1/2 dozen or so 1st "meets" until I felt truly comfortable meeting someone new. (Don't practice with just girls either... Strike up conversations with strangers in the line for movies, grocery store, DMV, park, pond, skating rink, church, concert, elevator, bus, etc.) Buy a dozen roses and go to the local park - walk up to ladies, give them a rose and tell them you are rather shy and your "professor" in a public speaking class gave you an assignment to approach at least a dozen strangers and talk to them for at least 5 minutes each before the next class session... Invent a "sociology survey" where you ask personal questions you wouldn't normally ask strangers... Do enough crazy stuff like that and after about a month women will sense a confidence about you that they find attractive. (They might still not want to go out with you but chances are you won't have a drink poured on you either.) Last piece of advice: Live your own life - None of us knows where love is "hiding." By the way lots of gals like "geeks" these days but not "nerds." Fine line... (Last secret: some of the most successful "players" with the confidence of dozens of women "conquests" in their history, leaving behind the wreckage of multiple broken hearts, have accomplished this "success" by pretending to be the "nice" guy. They just do it with a MUCH more polished presentation than you do! I know because I was an almost dateless "nice guy" in college and was room-mates with a guy that had all the success with the ladies... I know this because some of them shared their stories with me after breaking up with the "player.")

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 394 (view)

A SURE WAY to protect Father's rights... Posted: 3/9/2009 11:00:57 PM
Seems to me the solution is for any man earning say $75k per year or more to hire a surrogate mother (s) If they want 3 children do this 3 times. Then render themselves either chemically or operationally sterile. After that they can get married. (If they want they can claim the kids are from a previous marriage... People are used to being fed BS stories all the time in our current society anyway...) If they ever get divorced, the courts will award custody to the biological father because there is no biological connection to the mother... Our current system is so corrupt that this is virtually the only effective way for a male to protect the rights of his children to have proper access to their father after a divorce. Talk about the total destruction of the family... (Pretty PATHETIC when the only way I see for a father to fully protect their rights and the rights of their children is to form a "family" BEFORE they get "married.") If it's good enough for gay and lesbian couples then maybe the straight guys should take this approach until society corrects the "rape of the family" currently masquerading as "family court." By the way it is really refreshing to see there are still practical women (a few) out there who truly believe in fairness... (Why the h#ll do most of them seem to be in Canada?) Hmmm... Wonder if I'll have to get asbestos underwear after posting this message?

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

How many truly happy marriages have you seen? Posted: 3/9/2009 8:37:12 PM
I think most relationships put on a relatively good front in public... Most relationships are not open enough to really let you see "inside" them... After many years of dragging myself home to a loveless marriage at the end of the day (because that was where my kids were ) just to be accused of not caring about our kids... (as well as countless other things) I have given a good deal of thought to what constitutes a healthy relationship... My mom and her current (3rd husband) are the only ones I can think of who are actually happy to see each other every day... That is where I've set the bar... "Can I see myself 5 or 10 yrs from now still looking forward to seeing this gal at the end of the day?" It might not be setting the bar very high... but that's where I've set it... I want a woman who greets me with the same enthusiasm my children do... I figure that if you're in an intimate relationship with somebody that you should ALWAYS treat them with at LEAST the same level of courtesy and respect that you would a stranger you have not met before. (If you don't do that, then small feelings of resentment can build up over the years.) Now if I could just find a woman who shares (and lives) that same philosophy I think I'll have a fighting chance. (You'll have to ask others as to whether I've lived up to that goal or not... I think I've gotten pretty close - but only one person living by those rules might make you into a doormat...)

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Can two people have a successful marriage while living apart? Posted: 3/9/2009 8:13:04 PM
Seems to me LOTS of people have that... Sounds like a LTR (long term relationship) I doubt there are many men (I hope not anyway) that would sign up for this kind of a "marriage." Show me a way to have the "sanctity" of marriage without the legal garbage that comes along with a "civil" marriage... The garbage that comes along with government sanction of your relationship is enough to hopelessly distort the "sanctity" of marriage beyond all recognition... If you still feel strongly about the "sanctity" of marriage I challenge you to spend a couple of mornings in the "family court" of your local court house... I seriously doubt you will feel the presence of god guiding the "congregation..." The problem with marriage these days is that one or the other party can throw out the "sanctity" part and the legal part will still be looming over your head long after the "sanctity" part is gone...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 212 (view)

Is divorce like mourning a death? Posted: 3/9/2009 8:02:55 PM
After my first divorce I spent about 5 yrs soul searching and what not before I started dating again. With my current divorce it has been about 2 yrs since starting the process. The answers now are not any different then they were after the 1st divorce. There is only so much one person can do. If you aren't both willing to work on a relationship it is hopeless... Time to move on. (This time it feels more like getting out of jail... Final visit to court should be on Thursday)

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Relationships and the future of the Family Unit Posted: 3/9/2009 7:51:00 PM
I do not blame anyone who thinks twice seriously before getting married. For many it can be a ticket to slavery (both inside the marriage and after it "fails.") The first step to a failing marriage is the "entitlement" mindset. Hopefully our "justice" system will return to sanity... As it sits, it is very common for a primary earner for a family to have both the children and their income stripped away... For starters I think "family court" should become like small claims court... No lawyers allowed. To suck up thousands and thousands of dollars in legal fees with the lawyers pretending the facts of the case have any bearing on what's decided when 95% of it is decided along standard "guidelines" anyway is almost criminal. There is no shortage of horror stories coming out of our legal system. (Often to the detriment of both men and women) I suspect that it will have to adjust once the current trend of many young people (often wisely) avoiding marriage.

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 139 (view)

Could you be in a relationship with a long haul truck driver? Posted: 3/9/2009 7:18:24 PM
My first girlfriend (in junior high) dreamed of being a long-haul driver... If I stumbled across her I might think about it...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

No Labels.....? Posted: 3/9/2009 6:58:59 PM
You are too early in the relationship to go slapping labels on it anyway. If she and you both agreed to be sexually exclusive with each other then it doesn't really matter if you call it FWB, BF/GF, or whatever... I've been with a gal for about a year. She recently told her ex that he needed to find FWB... She promptly followed it by saying that would never work for her... We agreed when we started dating that we were not going to forbid the other seeing whoever / anyone they wanted. Just that we promised to inform each other immediately if any of the other relationships had become physically intimate / sexual. So far that has not occurred. This agreement gives me the freedom to explore platonic friendships, dating, or whatever without having to tell her every detail of my life or feel guilty about it. So far, I have not felt the need to explore those options but after years of being married to someone who would freak out if I got home 5 minutes late (after a 2 hr long drive) this level of freedom is quite welcome. What is the difference between sexually exclusive FWB that have been that way for say 3 years and a LTR?

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 137 (view)

Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated Posted: 3/9/2009 6:45:56 PM
In some states getting a divorce can take YEARS... Especially if there are children involved. However; I can understand someone being hesitant if less than 6 months has gone by between separation / filing the divorce papers... In my case it is supposed to be FINAL in about 3 days... (In the works for about 2 yrs)

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Have you been CONTACTED by the SPOUSE of someone you've 'met'? Posted: 3/9/2009 6:29:19 PM
Happened to me... Was separated more than 8 months. I had kept "family plan" cell phone active so that I could call cell-to-cell to speak to the kids without running up ridiculous bills. (She took kids 1,200 miles away) All of a sudden she went weird and started calling every # she did not recognize... She even called my sister and said "Hey b&tch, he spends more time talking to you then his own kids... Don't you know he's married, etc, etc, etc..." My sister called her back and said "What's your problem? Do you even know who you're talking to? Ex-to-be then started ranting "We're getting divorced you know... Did he tell you? What did he tell you about it? And started trying to pump her for information..." I promptly stopped paying for the "family plan" and got a separate cell phone... I explained the deal to the gal I was seeing at the time... She had played it off by asking her why she was calling on her husband's cell phone... And who the hell is XXXX? (Who knows how many other numbers she called and threw a hissy fit on...) Just because some crazy girl calls and throws a hissy fit on the phone does not necessarily mean a guy is cheating on you? It could be part of the "I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to be with you either..." type stupidity that sometimes takes control of some female's psyche...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

kiss? Posted: 3/9/2009 5:55:07 PM
Tell him you think you both deserve a "rebound relationship." If it doesn't work out no big deal. Just keep communication lines open about how you guys feel as you go along. I don't know why people are so scared of getting involved with someone who got out of a relationship... Somebody has to be the first post-whatever relationship... (How is that any worse than getting involved with a "serial-dater" or something?)

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

A connection, but is it friendship, romance, or sexual? Posted: 3/9/2009 5:36:47 PM
Quit wasting time and set up a meet... Your attraction may not make the transition to the "real world..." Or it may...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

I am new to online dating . When do I say yes or no ? Posted: 3/4/2009 9:31:46 PM
When you feel comfortable... Don't read too much into it.. Chances are you'll have to meet a few people before you really connect anyway. I see nothing wrong with meeting someone after a week. Better than spending weeks or months getting to know someone and then finding out their laugh annoys you like nails on a chalkboard or something...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

confussed Posted: 3/4/2009 8:25:30 PM
Meeting the family does NOT mean you are in a relationship with him! Circumstances have a lot to do with it. If you are getting to know each other and he normally spends a night or two with his family and he normally spends a night or two with you it is not too surprising that he might combine the two. I think you may be reading too much into meeting the family. I am a little surprised by 7 dates and only kissing on the last one. I figure the first "meet" is just to figure out if you can tolerate them for an afternoon / day / evening... The next "date" or two are to get to know each other... When I was dating I tended to get pretty candid anywhere from the first meet to the first date or two... If there are huge show-stoppers might as well post them early... If someone isn't secure enough about who and where they are in life to share their views with a potential mate then I tend to get bored pretty quickly... Also when sharing that kind of info you also find out pretty quickly if there is a mutual interest or not. I figure if you haven't switched from a hug / handshake at end of event to a kiss by the 3rd or 4th date you're in the "friend zone..." His giving you a kiss was possibly his way of letting you know he is interested in the possibility of one... If he moves that slow then you might just have to take the lead (women usually do anyway - at least if the guy is a "gentleman." ) I suspect that he isn't sure of how interested you are... If you think you'd like to make a go of it with him you might want to suggest seeing only each other for a month or so to see how the relationship "grows" and see what his response is... If he responds favorably then give him a taste of what else is waiting for him down the road... (I would also suggest that a % breakdown for costs is fair... ie: If he earns twice the $$ you do then pay roughly 1/3 of the bill...) Let him know that if you f#ck him later that night that the wonderful dinner had nothing to do with it...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

female best friend? Posted: 2/10/2009 6:17:14 PM
I would want my best friend to meet and get to know my girlfriend... Chances are (at least for most of us) that maintaining an intimate relationship and a close plutonic friendship would be rather demanding of someone's time. Doing so would be easier if your mate and best friend got along well together... If he never bothered to introduce you or bother trying to see if you get along or not I would take it as a sign that he may want more than just a friendship with her...

realityhastoofewoptions

Joined: 9/14/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Honest opinion from an honest man!!!!! Posted: 2/10/2009 6:09:33 PM
Your best bet is to cut to the chase and ask him. If he is an honest man he will tell you if you are wasting your time or not. In some cases, such as destroyed trust, he may not feel "safe" pointing out the path back to his heart... In my experience so far, giving the women in my life "another chance" has only resulted in repeated heartache and pain for both parties. The memories I truly treasure are those where we ended up going our separate ways without any "hard feelings" involved. (Hint: If you always treat the people in your life with respect and dignity then you shouldn't "need" a second chance for anything...)

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