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 Author Thread: Why do men like to give women backrubs?
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Why do men like to give women backrubs?
Posted: 9/27/2008 10:20:26 PM
I like making my g/f feel good. Massages of any kind are one way to do that.

Not many things I like better for a night in then just sitting together on the couch watching a movie and/or talking and joking around while I massage her back or feet. If it eventually leads to more, great. If not, I don't mind. I find it relaxing to give them.

That would be hypothetical g/f, since I'm single at the moment.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 49 (view)
 
How do RAINcouverites cope with the RAIN?
Posted: 9/26/2008 10:37:01 PM
I moved back to Calgary for one winter years back and realized how brutally ugly and dirty things are without the constant rain. It gave me a new appreciation for just what the rain does for the scenery out here.

Not to mention, I don't really enjoy -30 degree temperatures anymore :).
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Snow Fun
Posted: 9/26/2008 10:31:54 PM
Shovel it off the ice so I could play hockey :). That was a long time ago in a different province.

I was into skiing for a few years and still have my own equipment, but decided that mediocre abilities coupled with testosterone and a desire to try hills above my abilities was becoming a bit too risky for the knees. I also couldn't afford it at the time. Keep meaning to get out and try snowboarding but haven't yet.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Hugs! Getting and giving them at Plenty of Fish events.
Posted: 9/26/2008 10:27:09 PM
I don't like strangers that close in my personal space, of either gender. I'm extremely touchy/feeley and affectionate with my significant other, but even a bit reserved with close friends, and I don't want strangers touching me at all.

Being greeted with a hug from a complete stranger at a POF event would be an uncomfortable experience.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Vocalists with Beautiful Instruments
Posted: 9/26/2008 10:16:11 PM
Women: Sarah McLachlan, Camille Miller, Alison Krauss, Amy Lee, Harriet Wheeler

Men: Jeff Tate, Bruce****nson, Freddy Mercury, Layne Staley, Michael Hutchence, David Draiman

Just a few mostly off the top of my head.

Singers that I don't like? I try and forget stuff like that :P.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Has your motivation to vote in elections changed as you get older?
Posted: 9/10/2008 1:05:44 AM
1) Has your motivation to vote in elections, federal or provincial, changed as you get older? How?

My motivation hasn't changed much. It's both a privilege and a duty to vote. I've made an effort to vote in every federal election since I turned 18 and most provincial elections that I've been eligible.

That being said, my expectation of the outcome, regardless of who gets into office, isn't great. Realistically, the only thing that seems to motivate many politicians is the threat of losing their cushy jobs. However, the electorate has a short memory and many don't have the time or motivation to fully understand the issues (I sadly include myself as part of this group to a large degree), so true accountability for any particular action is an illusion. Especially when the tool to enforce it is so clumsy.

I find it disheartening to watch how easily voter's emotions get manipulated by ad campaigns, and watch as a new gov't does the exact same things that they campaigned against in the old gov't.


2) If you have voted in the past do you feel that your votes made a difference in the outcome of the elections? Why?

Not particularly, considering the way our system works and the fact that there are 10+ million other people voting, it's not surprising to feel like just another part of the crowd.

3) Do you have a history for voting for a party that tends to be elected, or for a party that tends not to be elected?

Not answering this.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Dominance in males
Posted: 9/9/2008 7:43:38 PM

So the guy is responsible for his own pleasure as well as yours with no effort on your part? LOL Why should this guy bother having sex at all?


No, he's responsible for telling her what he wants at that particular time and place, verbally and/or non-verbally. Being dominant is more than just a control or power trip, it is a responsibility to both your partner and yourself to make sure neither of you is shortchanged. To some personalities, that in itself is a part of the attraction.

As for kayliecat's list, I thought that was just being normal?
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 41 (view)
 
hideous make-up
Posted: 9/6/2008 12:56:12 AM
Too much is a turn off, and it really doesn't take that much to be too much for my tastes.

I prefer the natural look.

If I don't find her attractive without makeup, I'm not going to find her attractive with. The subtle amounts that I can tolerate don't change a woman's looks significantly. The amounts required that do just looks fake and tacky to me.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Confidence vs Aggression?
Posted: 9/4/2008 2:58:12 PM

To a point...but it seems I know girls who find the chase romantic and not stalking, it's all in how you go about it...

It doesn't have a lot to do with how you go about it. It's mostly dependent on whether or not she finds you attractive.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Do you really have to fix it?
Posted: 9/4/2008 2:53:46 PM
If I'm talking about my problems out loud in a conversation (implying that I'm not monologuing or talking to myself), then I expect the other party or parties to offer their opinions or input if they so desire. I'm not selfish enough to monopolize their time without gracefully allowing them to respond. That's the nature of conversation.

What the hell is the point of listening or being in a conversation with someone if you're not expecting feedback? I talk to people when I want to hear what they're thinking, not out of a silly need for self justification. It's up to me whether or not I want to discount their advice, but I'm not going to get tweaked about it that they offered. It's also a good way to learn about different viewpoints or ways of doing things.

And yeah, this was a problem in my last serious relationship. And no, I'm not planning on changing my opinion on it any time soon :P.

My personal theory as to why the "fix it" attitude is more prevalent in men is that men are more commonly raised to suck it up and not **** about things that they don't like. That means that we either have to live with it, or do something about it. After a decade or two of doing something about it, it becomes an ingrained habit. Any time I'm presented with a problem that I have any kind of experience with, I reflexively start thinking of solutions. That's just how my mind works.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Heroes and saviours who deny opportunity to say Thank you!
Posted: 9/1/2008 3:51:59 PM
I just about drowned in Okanagan lake when I was a teenager during the August long weekend. I had been up for a day and half straight, did all the driving for myself and my friends, and swam out too far from shore. I completely ran out of gas before I could get back to shallow water and started going under. Someone hauled me up and swam me to shore after my head bobbed under a couple times. I'm pretty sure I said thanks at the time, but I was so completely exhausted and probably a bit in shock that it may not have sounded that sincere. I'm quite short-sighted without contacts or glasses, neither of which I had that day, so I didn't even get a good look at who saved me. I promptly went back to the group I was with and passed out for about 4 hours of sleep.

So there's at least one person out there who saved a life without getting any kind of reward or real recognition.

I don't think the opportunity has arisen for me to provide that kind of help for someone else. At most, I'd want a simple acknowledgement for it however. The less fanfare and publicity, the better.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Teens Protest Exercise Requirement in facebook Page
Posted: 9/1/2008 3:36:44 PM
I think it's a good idea. I doubt it's going to get in the way of their studies. More likely their tv, im'ing, facebook, etc as has already been mentioned.

On average I'm probably active for more than 30 minutes a day, but some days I'm a lazy couch potato, other days I'll do something for a couple hours or more.


How many of us would like to 'add' another 30 min a day to your work day to perform exercise (which may not be of your chosing but what the mass decided you'll do for that period)

If they paid me, I'd be all for it. Especially if it was shortly after lunch and we were allotted some shower time as well. Help get through the post lunch sleepiness and help focus in the afternoon more.

I voluntarily took phys ed in high school though. It was one of the classes that I really looked forward to (that and physics). Some days it was the only reason I actually made it to school that day.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 15 (view)
 
FWB - From very kinky to slightly more then vanilla?
Posted: 8/12/2008 7:28:57 PM
Perhaps he has trouble reconciling his desires in the context of a committed relationship with a partner he respects and cares for. Combine that with a fear of commitment and a partner who isn't as gung-ho about his fantasies as he is, and you have someone who just can't make up their mind and probably doesn't want to scare you off in the off-chance he wants to take things further.

From my experience, trying to figure out people who can't figure themselves out is an exercise in frustration, especially if they aren't willing to talk about it openly. Which they often can't or won't.

I doubt his desires have changed, but who he wants involved may have.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Bill C61 - write to your MP to vote it down!
Posted: 6/19/2008 1:13:11 PM
I really don't understand what all the hub bubs about........
If you download anything for free that was'nt intended to be free....then you risk the consequence, pretty simple really.



If they........^^^^^^.......downloaded for free they are breaking the law no??


Already been answered before you asked (quoting my own post):


Limiting the use of a work that I legitimately bought (copying a cd to my computer, ipod, etc) by adding some kind of protection to it, I have a problem with. Not to mention limiting the ability to make 1 for 1 backups in case the original media gets damaged.


There is a clause that makes it illegal to circumvent copy protection and/or encryption schemes applied to a legitimately purchased piece of media for the purposes of making backups or copying the media to a different format still used by the original purchaser. This is a right that you currently have that would be taken away.

All the other consumer-based fair sounding rights are completely negated by throwing a minimal amount of encryption or copy-protection on a piece of media.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Bill C61 - write to your MP to vote it down!
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:13:13 PM
Restricting of the downloading and sharing of copyrighted music, movies, books, etc anonymously I have no problems with.

Limiting the use of a work that I legitimately bought (copying a cd to my computer, ipod, etc) by adding some kind of protection to it, I have a problem with. Not to mention limiting the ability to make 1 for 1 backups in case the original media gets damaged.

For cd-based music, this probably isn't going to be an issue since most cd players do not support protected media. This isn't likely to change any time soon. For music purchased over the web and downloaded however, this is definitely an issue.

Sure, they'll have a hard time enforcing it, but it's not really the point.

Any idea if this replaces the existing fair use provisions in the existing copyright law?
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 44 (view)
 
No Pain, No Gain....Yes/No
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:04:42 PM

Popped my anti-inflammatories & painkillers...


I know you're kind of being funny here (emotes kind of give it away :P), but I know people who have done this seriously and ended up doing permanent damage.

After the workout, maybe. And recognize that you should take it a bit easier next time. During the workout, you could mask the signs of doing something you shouldn't. Unless you have a pre-existing injury that you're trying to rehab or you know won't get any worse, I think taking painkillers to work out is a baaad idea. But hey, if it's working for you, congrats :).

A friend of mine was having some problems with a tight hamstring or quad (I forget which) while playing ball hockey. He took some Advil (or equivalent) and the pain went away for awhile. Then he ended up tearing it. Then he ended up blowing out his knee a little while later because he didn't give it a chance to heal properly and took more painkillers to mask it.

I guess this could be a good analogy to those that stay in bad situations and mask their symptoms with alcohol or other medications and avoid dealing with it? Or I could just stretching to stay on topic. :).
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 39 (view)
 
No Pain, No Gain....Yes/No
Posted: 6/13/2008 2:51:31 PM

As I recall you brought up strength training and used it to make your point, not me.


Words from your original post:

When doing anything be it stretching, muscle toning whatever, you must always stop at the point just b4 the 'pain' threshold. This is why we do reps of so many at a time and add a few more each day. If you're hurtin', how the hell are you gonna work out the next day?



I ignored your comments on strength training because that is not what I was ever talking about so there was no point commenting on it from my view.

Ignoring points that people make that are related to the debate in question is up to you, but it's not usually that effective in getting your point across.


And to say that your fitness level has nothing to do with your flexibility is just plain dumb. If your a muscle bound freak with no flexibility, when you reach out to grab that steroid shake that is 3 inches beyond your grasp you're gonna pull a muscle & get hurt.

You can be incredibly fit and not flexible. It's not a smart way to do it, but it is possible. As I already stated in my last post, stretching routines should be an integral part of any resistance training workout to counteract the tightening effect that building muscle has.


Mobiledj made a very good point, I also have a friend who was a pro power lifter and he did exactly the same thing. He too ignored the pain when he should have backed off and did some substantial damage. Still bugs him to this day.

If you ignore joint pain, you're going to be in for a world of hurt no matter what you do. Joint pain is not equal to muscle fatigue pain due to resistance training. I've felt both types of pain. There's a world of difference.

Perhaps I gave the wrong impression here. I'm not recommending that you should be in agony after every workout. If you are, you're probably overdoing it for your current fitness level. I'm talking about a slight burn in the muscle as you approach your rep max and possibly a slight degree of achiness or soreness in the muscle the next day.

Personally, if I don't feel any kind of muscle soreness after doing a resistance workout I know that I've probably plateau'ed on that particular exercise and, at most, I'm only maintaining what I've already achieved. My motivation tanks when I don't get that feedback. Not everyone is the same way of course, but I have talked to others that agree with me on that point.

I'd be a lot less motivated if I was spending time going through the motions of doing some kind of workout and never seeing results. Working out the same muscle groups every day is also far more likely to lead to overtraining.


...but unfortunately they were not knowledgable about osteoporosis and I ended up hurting myself, because they didn't understand my limitations.

I'd argue that the trainers you found weren't qualified for your particular needs. That's crappy that happened to you, especially if they misled you into thinking they knew what they were talking about.

On a side note, editing posts with quote tags in them is a bit of a pita on these boards.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 34 (view)
 
No Pain, No Gain....Yes/No
Posted: 6/12/2008 9:07:04 AM

However, it seems we are on the same page with the stretching issue, and I was only using that analogy to try to make a point that exercise doesn't have to hurt.


That's not an analogy. It's a bad comparison of two completely different things. I assumed you didn't know because I already said there's a difference and you completely ignored that point in your reply to try and support your position. Your fitness level has nothing to do with your flexibility unless you specifically go out of your way to incorporate stretching as a regular part of your routine (which you should).

Any pain felt during stretching = bad.
Certain types of pain felt during resistance training = good.

The trick is knowing what is good pain and what is bad pain.


Finally someone has clarified the difference and explained.......I was already aware of this, but I'm still pretty new at working out and don't feel I understand it well enough to try to explain it to others.


Again, if you don't have much experience at this, you should be starting under the supervision of a qualified trainer. It is quite possible to overtrain and/or hurt yourself doing resistance training if you don't do it right. If your goal actually requires this kind of exercise, they should be able to explain these concepts to you and design a program to take advantage of them that keeps you safely within your limits.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 31 (view)
 
No Pain, No Gain....Yes/No
Posted: 6/12/2008 1:46:02 AM
@arleneangel

I hate to detract from the point of the post with advice about how to exercise, but I've already stepped in it...

As I already said in my last posting, there's a difference between stretching and exercising to build muscle. If you don't understand that difference, you know a lot less about it than you think you do, or you just didn't read my reply fully. The examples you've given are about stretching only. You should not feel pain when you stretch. Causing pain by stretching, which is an indicator of damage, tends to trigger a reflex action that actually tightens and shortens the muscle and connective tissue, making it counterproductive. Stretching should only be performed when the muscle is warm and you should feel the sensation of gradually decreasing amount of tension. If the tension is increasing or there's discomfort, you need to reduce the stretch. Never, ever, bounce.

Exercising muscle, or even doing cardio, to the point of burning, is an entirely different function. This is the breaking down of muscle fibers, triggering an adaptive response by your body to rebuild those fibers larger and stronger than they were previously. This healing/rebuilding process takes time. The amount varies based on the intensity of the exercise, your diet, the amount of sleep you get, your genetics, and a bunch of other things. Hence the 24 to 48 hours. At the point where your building routine no longer triggers that burn, your body has adapted to that particular exercise and you have to change it if you want to see more benefit. I'm primarily talking about resistance training (free weights, nautilus or similar type exercise machines) or high intensity cardio exercise (stair master, ellipticals, a game of hockey, soccer, etc).

Seriously, do you think athletes get into the condition they're in by giving up as soon as there's discomfort? You ever watch a professional athlete work out? Do you not think these people have the best doctors available giving them good advice?


And to address the real point of the post that the exercise analogy was pointing at, I believe that anything worth having in life takes effort, and it's not always going to be fun. At most, you get out what you put in, unless you just plain get lucky. C'monnn 6/49.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
No Pain, No Gain....Yes/No
Posted: 6/6/2008 3:38:19 PM


No No No No No No a thousand times NOOOOOOO!
The term No Pain, No Gain in relation to fitness is an old wives tale. [or in this case an old fitness fable.]
When you start to feel pain during a workout, no matter what it is , that is your body/muscle telling you that you have gone to far.
The advent of pain, is the advent of damage.
When working out, especially when you are new at it, it is of extreme importance to STOP whatever you are doing as soon as you feel any pain. A muscle that is stretched to the point of pain 'gains' nothing worthwhile.
When doing anything be it stretching, muscle toning whatever, you must always stop at the point just b4 the 'pain' threshold. This is why we do reps of so many at a time and add a few more each day. If you're hurtin', how the hell are you gonna work out the next day?

You don't, that's how!
The key is to NOT throw in that last crunch or lift just for good measure even tho you already feel the pain. If it hurts you've gone too far already.
Trust me on this one. I have been doing exercises for many many years and have a very close relationship with my physiotherapist.
He's a God!
If you doubt me go ahead and ask one;



1. When doing resistance training for the purpose of building, do not work the same muscle group 2 days in a row. Depending on the intensity of the exercise, allow 24 to 48 hours for recovery.

2. Pain is not bad, but the type of pain is very important. Gradual, increasing burn in the muscle fiber as you approach the failure point is generally ok. Pain in the joints, ligaments, or tendons is bad. Sharp, sudden onset pain is bad (regardless of severity). If you're just starting out, it's best to be on the safe side until you get to know your body.

There's a difference between pain caused by over-stretching and pain caused by exercise-based fatigue.

Just moving extremely light weights around with extremely high reps may be acceptable if you want to do some light toning, cardio, or fat burning, but won't do much to increase your muscle strength or endurance.

Don't take advice from random, unqualified, people on the internet, including me. :P Get a personal trainer to help you if you're really new to exercise in general and really don't have a clue.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 57 (view)
 
So many who are so unwilling to compromise? Why?
Posted: 5/29/2008 3:24:47 PM

X,,,,I don't know a single person who prefers loneliness


There's an important difference between being alone with respect to a romantic relationship and being lonely. They aren't the same thing.

Many would prefer to be alone rather than be in a relationship with a lot of hassles and problems due to incompatibility.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Girls In Boys Sports
Posted: 9/3/2007 9:03:51 PM
Sorry I missed your explanation beachchick. I also apologize for somewhat derailing the topic which had more to do with the apparent conflict in teachings between not inflicting violence on women and then having to compete against them in a violent sport.

I don't actually like the idea of women competing against men in contact sports where winning is the primary goal. On average, I believe it's inherently unfair. In recreational or training situations, I have no problems with it whatsoever. You have the opportunity to hold back appropriately for differing skill levels, sizes, experience, strength, etc. That goes no matter what the gender of your opponent. In a purely competitive environment, you shouldn't be holding back, within the rules of the game. That's kind of the point of competing at that level.

Just be thankful it's not boxing. I don't even think I could spar against a woman, never mind fight with the intent to win.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Girls In Boys Sports
Posted: 9/2/2007 12:04:32 AM
You're not complaining. That doesn't mean no one else is. It's also not just about complaining about the fairness for the girls. It's coming at the fairness of the competition for the guys from a different angle. You stated that the women lose more often than not because they are weaker for a given weight. That's not fair for the guys as well, just to their benefit in terms of winning. But not to their benefit in terms of them challenging themselves in a fair competition. I suggested a potential means of making the competition more fair, therefore reducing the reluctance of the guys putting their all into the match and not feeling bad about winning.

I do agree with you to a point on your argument regarding guys being taught to not be violent against women, and it not having anything to do with sex, but I also think you're being a bit naive to think that, conscious or not, some basis of that has nothing to do with the sexual implications. I imagine these guys are mostly raised to respect guys weaker and not bully them either. But if they are paired up against them on the mat, that's not going to be an issue. But if it's a woman, now it is. I didn't say it was the biggest issue, just that there is likely some of it there for some of the guys.

No, I have no wrestling experience. It's not an overly popular sport in school where I grew up. There are aspects that are unique to it, and definitely highlight the issues you're talking about moreso than most other sports, but using that kind of emotion and drive to beat an opponent is not among them. I've heard sexual comments expressed about female competitors in the dressing room before a hockey game on more than one occasion. I wouldn't say it's common, or that it's shared by every guy, but it's not exactly rare either. In the actual play, I agree, it's probably the last thing (or not at all) on anyone's mind. I was talking more about their mindset before the match and how it affects their ability to psyche themselves up.

I did actually address what I think is your major point in my last posting. If that's the rules, then the guys just have to suck it up and recognize and respect that it's the girl's choice to be there.

Having had no experience in wrestling, and not knowing the criteria, I do wonder how these girls are making, and staying on, the team if they lose most or all of their matches. Most of my experience in a truly competitive environment means that if you're not good enough, you get cut. Are these girls making the team simply because they're female?
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Are independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/30/2007 8:27:31 PM
As a functioning adult, I kind of take it for granted that most people (men and women) are independent.

It makes me wonder what kind of baggage, or what kind of experience they've had, that they feel the need to announce it. Especially multiple times (in profile write-ups or forum postings, for example).

I don't read guy's profiles, do you see guys announcing themselves as independent on a regular basis?
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Girls In Boys Sports
Posted: 8/28/2007 8:22:31 PM
Got interrupted while posting at work earlier and hit 'post' instead of 'cancel' by accident.
-------

realistictreamer, why should they be allowed to wrestle down?...They
want to be treated equally



The girls seldom ever win, and it's because (whether we want to admit
it or not,) boys are stronger than girls at that age, and in those weight
classes. They just ARE.


I think you need to pick an argument and stick with it :P.

My point was that for the majority of women against the majority of guys,
wrestling down a weight class does help make it equal. There are exceptions
both ways of course, but just because these women have the mental drive to
participate in physical sports with guys, doesn't mean they have the
physical capacity or even the potential, at least at the elite competitive
levels. You can respect someone's attitude without necessarily respecting their ability, which is why their teammates treat them with respect.

If guys are all that worried about hurting a girl because they think they're that much weaker and easier to beat, they should have no problem with spotting them a weight class. I really can't see a guy complaining that he lost to a girl in wrestling because she outweighed him by 10 - 15 lbs.

You're also a bit contradictory with regard to the possible sexual implications.


Just the act of "pinning" a girl feels wrong to them. It feels like they are doing something "forcible" to her, which again, goes against everything they've been taught.


Then you lambast FredHH for suggesting that some guys might take advantage of the situation to get a grope or two in. I can guarantee that if the guys are feeling the way you describe, the sexual overtones are definitely on their minds. Not that they would necessarily try and do anything, but that it is a confused situation for them. If they weren't thinking about it, it wouldn't be an issue. They would simply see them as another, probably weaker, competitor.

When it comes down to it, the guys just have to learn to respect the women's decision and recognize the fact that it's consensual. It's her choice. Learning that difference is probably a good lesson.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Girls In Boys Sports
Posted: 8/28/2007 3:16:47 PM
Will fill in later...
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Girls In Boys Sports
Posted: 8/27/2007 10:10:39 PM
In one way, wrestling is probably a better sport for mixing genders than some other contact sports. In terms of strength difference, there's probably a bigger range between the smallest guy and largest guy in hockey or football than there is between a woman and a guy of approximately equal weight.

That being said, I'd think it extremely rare that a woman would be as strong as a guy who weighs the same as her. This means that in the majority of cases, she's going to be handicapped out of the gate.

In my personal experience, which is pretty limited, of playing against women in hockey, or seeing them play hockey against men, on average, women don't seem to have the same amount of explosive power that men do. That's in a non-contact recreational setting as well, where a lot of the guys aren't necessarily in the best shape. Quite honestly, in a full-contact game, I think 99% of women would get creamed, even by the guys who are similar in weight.

Maybe they should allow the women the option of wrestling in one weight class lower?
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 64 (view)
 
What do you think about lower back tattoos?
Posted: 8/11/2007 3:59:09 PM
I don't really think much about it one way or the other, although I tend to not like a lot of tattoos on women in general. Especially if they're darker in colour and cover a lot of visible skin. I find masculine looking/biker style tattoos on women unattractive.

To me, the reason why you get a tattoo is as important as anything else. Just getting a permanent mark on your body for the hell of it just isn't something that I understand. Getting something that has a significant, and permanent, meaning in your life I can understand. Your reasons for getting a tattoo, OP, seem more reasonable to me than many others I've heard.

One of my ex's got three tattoos done while we were together. Only one of them has any meaning at all, and it's the crappiest looking one. They're at least in locations that probably won't distort too much as she gets older.

A close friend of mine has both his kid's names tattoo'ed in large cyrillic style lettering around each forearm. I don't think it gets much more significant than that.

I don't have any tattoos of my own and didn't really want any for the longest time. In the last couple years though, my opinion about it has changed a bit because I found something that did mean something to me, that was very unlikely to change, that I wouldn't mind expressing through a tattoo.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Do many of you send scathing profile reviews?
Posted: 7/29/2007 6:45:12 PM
I've never sent a scathing review, but I did send a message to a woman to suggest that putting where she worked in her profile might not be a good idea. It was an accurate enough description that you would be able to find her in r/l without a problem.

Ironically enough, she unread/deleted it, which was somewhat understandable because she was only 18 or 19. I had happened to click on her profile via one of the picture links at the top of the page.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 27 (view)
 
So what do you do instead?
Posted: 7/23/2007 9:25:21 PM
I play hockey. Even in non-contact recreational play, it's a great outlet for aggression. Given the number of times I get slashed, crosschecked, elbowed, and sometimes outright bodychecked every game, I think a lot of other guys would agree with me. :P

I do play video games from time to time, but they just don't give me the same all-over body rush that a sport like hockey does.

As ubkobalt pointed out, evolution requires more than 2 or 3 generations, and the trait has to be a big enough negative that it doesn't make it into the next generation. Even with the tight control that dog breeders and horse breeders have, how long does it take them to remove a negative behavioural trait (reliably) from a line?

A lot of women like guys who are aggressive, as long as they can focus it constructively. Now a days, I think it's called motivation.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
 
What I can't understand is.....
Posted: 7/19/2007 8:56:26 PM
I've almost always wanted a relationship instead of a series of casual flings since I was in my late teens and early twenties. It's just part of who I am.

Looking back at it now, with hindsight and more life perspective, I still think it was a choice that was right for me and not made out of ignorance.

Some people just don't find a bunch of casual relationships all that much fun compared to a single meaningful relationship where you really get to know someone that you care about.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Are you an INTJ or INFJ Personality?
Posted: 7/19/2007 8:28:39 PM
As I understand it, whether or not you assert yourself, and how well you do it, is irrelevant to the introvert/extrovert designation. It's also not defined by how well you interact with others or your social skills, although there is probably some correlation there simply due to practice. Extroverts probably get a lot more practice and feedback on their social skills in different situations.

I believe it's more related to your desire and motivation to be outgoing and to spend time with a lot of different people. Especially people that are mostly acquaintances instead of being close friends. I believe that most introverts will go out of their way and sacrifice "me time" to hang out with close friends that they can trust and they don't feel that they have to keep their guard up for, but to do that with strangers is a lot of work and takes a great deal of energy.

Which leads me back to the comment that I made, and I think what rune3 and GoodeWitch were also talking about. In my experience, extroverts, to varying degrees, like to spend a great deal of time being sociable and getting to know new people. When they're your SO, they tend to want you to come along with them. If you don't want to go, it's difficult for them to realize that it has nothing to do with them and it's just because it's not in your nature. And even if they don't take it personally, it can still create friction. The flip side of that perspective is the introvert wondering why the extrovert doesn't just want to stay home and spend time with them. Why do they "need" all that interaction with people they don't even really know?

It's not all the time that an introvert doesn't feel like partying it up with a group of strangers, but it's more often than not, relative to the extrovert's desires.

All extroverts aren't loud and obnoxious, just like all introverts aren't socially inept. It's one those traits that is probably a bit more prevalent with extroverts, but isn't a defining characteristic, imho anyway.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 27 (view)
 
not shallow just not into u
Posted: 7/17/2007 11:00:02 AM
I'll take "things that should be obvious" for a 1000, Alex...

common sense isn't so common?
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Pic or lack there of......
Posted: 7/16/2007 10:47:17 PM
Why is this an always posed as an either/or question (looks vs personality)?

I don't go after anyone strictly for their looks. But I do reserve the right to veto based on it. Same for personality.

I will respond and talk to someone without pictures, but I won't meet them and will keep the conversation at a friends level only until I see the person I'm talking to. Since I'm not looking for more friends right now, if I'm not attracted, that would pretty much kill the conversation. Send the pictures as soon as you think you might want to meet the person and save both of you some time (and possibly hurt feelings) if they're not attracted.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Too long?
Posted: 7/15/2007 2:09:56 AM
Depends on who is doing the reading.

Some will, some won't. It depends somewhat on the type of guy you're trying to attract.

edit:
I just read your profile, and you're looking for patient guys. In that case, I'd say leave it. Just be prepared for a lot of guys to message you who haven't read it. It's also possible that some guys won't read it who you might have hit it off with, but you also might get guys messaging you simply because of the way it's written.

I had actually read your profile before (but had forgotten), probably because of something you had posted in the forums, and had made it all the way through simply because it was unlike many of the other profiles on here.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Are you an INTJ or INFJ Personality?
Posted: 7/13/2007 8:09:38 PM

I took the Jung Test on another site and am an ESTJ, "Administrator". 56% Introvert and 43% Extrovert.


I didn't think you would be an E type if you were more introvert than extrovert?
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Trying to figure out what league I am in...
Posted: 7/12/2007 11:53:45 PM
Soo many possible retorts...

"Don't be so hard on yourself. I thought you were attractive. Guess I was wrong though."

"You're right. I'm an amateur, you're obviously a pro."

Really, I'd probably be laughing too hard to get either of those out, or even think of them.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Are you an INTJ or INFJ Personality?
Posted: 7/7/2007 8:24:13 PM
I've flipped back and forth between INFJ/INTJ on different times and versions of the free MB tests available on the web (never had it done professionally). My F/T scores are usually around 20 on either side of the line.

In my experience with dating, extroverts are definitely not a good match for me. They tend to have expectations around participating in social functions that I find exhausting and not all that fulfilling.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
plentyoffish privacy policy
Posted: 7/5/2007 11:52:23 PM
Thanks for the info guys.

Google shouldn't have access to any information protected under my login credentials, which is the stuff I was asking about. I already realize that I can google anything from this site for me that's publicly available just by using my user name. I've actually posted that fact in a thread recently.

Access by the law doesn't concern me either, that's just common sense.

It was more the commercial aspects that I was wondering about. In that respect, it seems that I don't have anything to worry about.

Where the backup question came from was because of some dabbling I recently did with facebook . I created a fake profile on that site just to see what it was like and was surprised that they didn't offer an option to delete an account, just deactivate it. My bad for not reading their TOS I guess.

I've been here so long that I don't remember if I've ever read an actual TOS style agreement for here, especially with respect to the commercial privacy aspects.

Again, thanks for the info.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
 
plentyoffish privacy policy
Posted: 7/5/2007 11:05:58 PM
I did a quick search and a look through the help and didn't see anything on this. I imagine that I just didn't look in the right place.

What is the site's privacy policy with respect to all the different personality test information and other personal info? What is the retention period after a profile has been deleted (taking into account backups)?

Is there a link where this is posted?

Thanks.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 11 (view)
 
checking out other girls
Posted: 7/4/2007 12:04:04 AM
There is a difference between looking and wanting. Just because he looks doesn't mean he would do anything about it. Doesn't mean he wouldn't either. There's no way anyone here could make that prediction with any reliability.

My only concern, given the information so far, is the lack of regard for your feelings on the matter and the comments in your presence when he knows it bothers you.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
How do I handle this
Posted: 7/3/2007 11:25:08 PM
I don't think I'd ever hit on a waitress while she was working. I'm clueless when it comes to women showing interest in me, so I can never tell whether or not she's being professionally friendly, interested friendly, or just naturally friendly. I just don't want to bother someone who is just trying to do their job.

The one time I did ask someone out who I shared some big smiles with on a regular basis turned out to be married with kids. She was flattered I asked though.

I think that if he's asking questions about how late you're working and you're pretty sure he's single, it would probably be safe for you to subtly suggest going out for a coffee or something innocent.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 31 (view)
 
female O-question
Posted: 7/3/2007 11:15:21 PM
All of the above.

Just because you're having intercourse, doesn't mean you or she can't be doing other things at the same time that will get her there with you.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
checking out other girls
Posted: 7/3/2007 11:11:39 PM
Looking is pretty normal, imho.

Being really obvious about it (staring/leering) isn't very respectful and making comments while you're around is really disrespectful and rude.

The fact he does this makes me think he's not the sensitive, understanding type, so I'm not sure talking to him about it would help, but it probably won't hurt. If he just blows off your concerns and his attitude doesn't change, you pretty much know where you stand.

If you're "lucky", he's just that oblivious and talking to him might actually make a difference.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Getting tested?
Posted: 7/3/2007 10:58:57 PM
Testing is mandatory for both of us to have unprotected sex. I'll probably ask to see the results and will offer mine up in turn.

I've been tested after every relationship pretty much.

That level of trust is earned as far as I'm concerned.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Adding as a Favorite
Posted: 7/2/2007 9:38:16 PM
For local women, I mainly use it as a bookmark feature. I usually make a decision about whether or not I want to send a message within a week or two and will remove them at that point. I generally don't keep people on my favourites that I haven't messaged.

For the last several that I've removed without messaging, it was because I saw something in their profile that they were looking for that I didn't match. If they were to mail me before I had had a chance, I'd probably have been open to exchanging a few messages at least.

For non-local women, it's because I like some things that they've said (or even how) in the forum and I want to see what else they post. I enjoy reading well written forum posts sometimes.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Why do guys bic thier lids?
Posted: 7/2/2007 9:23:56 PM
I've never shaved mine right down, just used the electric shaver on it. Couple of my profile pics show how short I had it.

I used the electric shaver because it was easy to do, easy to take care of, I didn't have to worry about bed head, and it saved me a trip to the hairdresser once every few weeks.

When playing sports it's also substantially cooler. It felt kinda neat too :P.

Using a razor on it every day would be too much work.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Why do men look at my pic then don't message me
Posted: 7/2/2007 9:02:35 PM
If they are actually checking out your profile multiple times (instead of you just being confused), it could be just because they think you're cute, but they have a bad memory.

"Oh, she's cute.", click on the photo to bring up the profile. "Whoops, looked at this one already, nothing in common, next".

I've done that a few times.

I'd probably reply though and explain, especially if you mentioned it in your opening message. That's just me.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Do men consider whats in the background of their photo's?
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:57:06 PM
Yep. The one photo I have is more for the background than it is for me in the pic.

It's the biggest old-growth tree I've come across so far in my hikes. I'm mostly in it to give the picture some scale.
 realisticdreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
 
How would you interpret this?
Posted: 7/2/2007 11:21:23 AM
Tell him everything you're feeling and let the chips fall where they may. Stop beating around the bush and just lay it all out. Just don't expect any miracles and if you do stay together, watch for signs of him taking advantage of the situation.

I'm getting the impression that he's pretty much done at this point, so you don't have anything to lose except maybe some pride and dignity.

I'm the kind of guy who expects exclusivity by the time I'm sleeping with someone, so my viewpoint my be a bit biased.
 
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