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Thread: The European Idea of Sex vs The American Idea

hoorayforpeepee

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

The European Idea of Sex vs The American Idea Posted: 4/23/2009 1:26:23 PM
Too much generalization and grass is greener on the neighbor's yard syndrome to merit a good discussion.

hoorayforpeepee

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 52 (view)

Sexual fantasy/desire vs. Politics Posted: 4/2/2009 11:31:34 AM
wow chick, you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am "intimately" familiar with a person just like you. In fact I was attracted to her just because she came across as assertive and constantly in a race to go one up on men! Met her right here and like you she also had her picture hidden. A little background; she was a very high achiever and had succeeded in a very male dominated industry. Never married, no children, she spoke of an ex-boyfriend but I doubt there was one for any substantial period of time. It was very hard to engage her into dating. It was after about a month that one time while dropping her off, instead of giving a friendly hug, which was the norm, I grabbed her hard and kissed her deep and strong! I sensed a small protest, which I promptly quelled with my physical strength. Our tongues danced as I drew her head towards me with force. Within a minute or two she had melted in my mouth. We kissed for a very long time as I orchestrated the whole show. In between I had heard a slight moan upon which I grabbed her even harder and then reached inside her top and fondled her breasts. The next day she informed that she immensely enjoyed me kissing her with such coercion. That she had never been kissed like that before. We discussed sex the next couple of days. She vacillated between "uncertain" and "vague". Vague being telling how if she had sex, it would have to so be full of lust, that I should not feel shy, that I must direct her, that she would not mind if I tried pushing the limit etc. I thought it was funny she had to tell me all this. I invited her to dinner at my house one weekend and we decided to let the mood guide our actions. Well, they did lead into the bedroom. This is where it dawned upon me what her hints meant. She writes in one of most leftist rags in business, her tone almost militantly feminist. I am certainly fiscally conservative and that sometimes drags me into being socially conservative as much as I try to keep the two separate. Yet, here she was begging me to maraud her sexually, pull her hair, stuff her mouth, verbally abusing her...and beyond ...basically stripping her of all self worth - which was way beyond my penchant. I was taken aback by her volte-face in the bedroom. My male friends explained it away with pop psych - childhood abuse casting shadows in adult sexual life - which I think is a major humbug. She and I discussed it later. She explained that when in bed, she liked to lose all control. Lose control? What about the voluntary humiliation? I did not quite buy it. I did however contemplate deeply about the matter. She and I talked many times, and we both ended up learning a lot. This is what I garnered. Risa, you are facing an internal schism. Your sexuality is your innate nature. Feminism is only a social construct. One is not born a feminist. It becomes ingrained by observing disparity in society. If that disparity vaporized today, feminism also would also cease to exist. Sexual nature by contrast is enduring. That is your true character. My advise is that feminism is an important social movement and you must continue to exert your energy in its advocacy. However you must shun its extreme and fringe notions. You must embrace the more gentler and pragmatic persuasions. The conflict in the doctrines of the feminism you have adopted and your inner sexuality will finally explode causing harm to your health. Hope some of the above helps.

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

words as bait Posted: 1/8/2009 12:04:28 PM
OP, You have obviously not seen profiles of women with 5 tantalizing pictures, a two line profile written mostly in text message English with the occasional words in regular English horribly mispelled, proudly displying the "favorited by" number in excess of 500! Words as bait? I think you miss the "picture" - yes literally :-)

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 65 (view)

What if you were being tracked by your cell phone? Posted: 1/8/2009 9:33:01 AM
I am single, I voluntarily get tracked. This is the app I use on my I-phone. http://www.instamapper.com/

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 64 (view)

What if you were being tracked by your cell phone? Posted: 1/8/2009 9:28:18 AM
I dont know what kind of distrustful relationship you have with your boyfriend, but puhleeze, stop reacting with statements like "I am violated"! That is the exact kind of wide eyed disbelief people exhibited when caller-id came into our lives 20 years ago! start living with the fact that GPS tracking on the cell phone is going to be the reality of our lives. He is your boyfriend. Obviously you chose him to be your boyfriend because you trusted him and you consider him to be an individual who will come to your aid and assistance when you are in trouble. The demand for emergency calling capabilities was stimulated by the events of 9/11. This has pushed forward GPS tracking technology in cell phones. All cell phone carriers are required to provide the ability to trace cell phone calls to a location within 100 meters or less. To comply with FCC requirements, cell phone carriers are now integrating GPS technology into cell phone handsets. GPS tracking of your cell phone is a good thing. People are paying tons of money so they can be tracked in their vehicles. Ever heard of "On Star"? If you have nothing to hide, why worry? If you have trust issues with him, you need to dump him, if not be happy he has your back! On a serious note, I dont see anything wrong. Most likely he is thrilled with his new toy. I was too, when my buddy and I got our iphones. Tracking was one of the features. Heck there is even a trackable dating app! You can see potential mates and their geographical location! We played with it for days together, until the fetish died with the advent of newer more cooler apps. Give some time, his fetish will also merrliy conclude. If you overreact, then yes he will have reason to suspect which will sour perhaps a burgeoning relationship just due to misunderstanding of technology. Enjoy your boyfriend and enjoy the gadgets :-)

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

Why Dating is Hard... Posted: 1/6/2009 4:05:19 AM
Aaah, finally someone invokes the spirit of Alvin Toffler's Future Shock to our obsession with choice, and how it contributes to anxiety, dissatisfaction and regret, yes to the dating world! :-) Whether we're buying a pair of jeans, ordering a cup of coffee, selecting a long-distance carrier, applying to college, choosing a doctor, or setting up a 401(k), everyday decisions--both big and small--have become increasingly complex due to the overwhelming abundance of choice with which we are presented. The man who started this thread is absolutely correct in how our capacity to adjust physically, psychologically, and socially to the torrent of technological change is finite and quite limited, the pace of change is increasing and expanding into more and more areas of our lives. I suggest people read Toffler's book. The term "Future Shock" refers to what happens when people are no longer able to cope with the pace of change. All sorts of symptoms and maladies result, ranging from depression to bizarre behavior to increases in susceptibility to disease to absolute emotional breakdown. Thus, Toffler accurately anticipated many of the sorts of psychological, social, and economic maladies and turbulence of the last forty years. Yet, to date literally no one seems to pay much heed to his thesis, or to ask what it means for the quality of life in our own futures. Good post.

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

When is it time to pull profiles ? Posted: 12/24/2008 6:12:23 PM
Wrong question. The real question is when should you cut off the non-existent relationship and get active online . You have not even had a visual of the fellow in 13 months. Darling, that is a relationship exists only in vacuum. The answer to the real question is "NOW"

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 68 (view)

Guy Refuses to talk on cell while driving & also at work Posted: 12/12/2008 5:52:51 AM
I can solve both your problems :-) 1. Talking while driving If you care about him and think it is important that he display his affection towards you while driving, then I suggest you buy him a blue tooth headset for X'mas. I also suggest, you get one for yourself even if there is not a buy one get one free deal. An even better alternative is to purchase a GPS. These days they are equipped with Blue Tooth. They make excellent hands-free devices keeping your ears free to observe audio clues in traffic (limitation of the headset) as well as talking on the phone. 2. Talking while at work. Seek employment where he is working. Ask for same hours (night-time). Then you can chat up with him while working, well anytime. Hope this helps!

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Consistency in menu items Posted: 12/10/2008 6:04:01 AM
Please make the menu items consistent. It is a very elementary concept in web design. It is highly irritating to wonder how to navigate to different places when the items are missing. For example when in a profile, the items are different, than from the "viewed me" page, than from the "search" page. It would have made sense if the menu items were related to the page the user was viewing. But that is not so. For example, there is no reason why on the Inbox page, "Women Who think you are HOT" should be there, but "new users" not! "new users" can be accessed only when you read the detail of a profile. All these items must be available on all pages, they are fairly generic, they are not directly related to the page the user is viewing. Most of all it is extremely frustrating!

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 175 (view)

Those relationship testimonials on our profiles Posted: 9/26/2008 1:50:52 PM
Oh Absolutely go right past such profiles and also those that have been favorited by more than 25 people.

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Confused: What did I do wrong? Posted: 9/6/2008 3:01:43 PM
We have your side of the story, so it is difficult to judge what his intentions might be. Anyway, it seems he is insistent on seeing a picture. Reading your profile, it seems you are insistent on NOT showing your picture. In your profile, you claim that you not be judged by your looks but by what you are. However, you spend an entire para explaining why you would not post a picture and hardly anything about that inner self which you claim to be your forte! Please understand, despite your negative feelings about posting a picture, prospective suitors do have a right to have a glimpse of your looks. It is an important part in our compatibility yardsticks and there is nothing shallow about one making such a demand. If at all, that may be the faux pas in your case. Good luck.

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 97 (view)

Is the internet actually causing us to be single? Posted: 8/29/2008 10:06:41 AM
There may be a modicum of truth that the internet is actually causing some people to remain single. There is no doubt Internet dating has become the pre-eminent low-cost, high-volume dating method of the new millennium, spawning an entire internet dating subculture. There is solid evidence in hard numbers from dating sites about membership. However statistics on successes are not availabl. Only anecdotes of successes are common. If at all, success rates can be calculated only for some sites (typically mail order) - most sites have no access to determine success. Despite the success in membership, I am certain, success in meeting someone and evolving a relationship via the internet is still substantially dwarfed by traditional methods of meeting and initiating a relationship. This is just a gut feeling and the only numerical evidence I could find is this: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/02/17/opinion/polls/main540870.shtml The above is not a scientific poll and therefore results from this poll must not be construed with much seriousness. However answer to one key question that I feel may ring true to many single people might be: MARRIED FROM INTERNET MEETING? (Among all Internet users) I did 1% Someone I know did 16% No, I didn't & don't know anyone 82% This somewhat leads us to believe that there are about 12-15% partnerships that emante from the internet, not any more. Large majority 85% and over still originate from traditional methods - schools, colleges, associations, clubs, churches, extended friends and family etc. There is a good probability that many people are swayed by the sheer volume of members on internet sites hoping increased numbers will swell their chances (quite literally - plenty of fish). However they are simply not cognizant of abysmally low rate of success this medium of dating offers. So OP may be correct, this may make them remain single.

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Saying NO to being ambassadors wife because you do not fit the role? Posted: 7/20/2008 8:50:08 AM
From your first post, you have the following: Maybe we should split up when you leave? can't we just stay friends????? Face it, the two are mutually contradicting. He chose option 1 right away (we should split right now). Remember, it was an option you offered. So why are you disturbed?

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

Classism and relationships Posted: 6/22/2008 12:40:14 PM
Love machine, I'm in a hurry this afternoon. Your post is long and will therefore require a better reading. I just skimmed thru much of that content. For the sake of brervty, just one point. You said "that many men trudge off each day to jobs they hate and careers they don't like just to be more along the lines of what society finds as "ideal". The opposite is perhaps truer. From people I have dealt with and observed. They took up traditional and "ideal" vocations and love every minute of doing that. Over the years, they have become very good at what they do and can zip thru their daily quota of work. This gives them time to pursue their real interests. For example, one person I know has become a published author and another a musician in a band. If they had pursued these interests in their youth, foregoing the "ideal" career path it is very unlikely they would have ever succeeded in their real love - writing and music in addition to remaining poor. On the other hand I agree the zest of youth and ambitions must be given a chance. If it can be guided with a practical approach, it is better. more later....

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

Classism and relationships Posted: 6/22/2008 9:10:14 AM
OP, you are 33 and have never married and have no children. In my view, still young and in a position go places. Instead of wondering why your relationships failed, or if your success at this stage of life is not par - why don't you enroll in a damn good university and get that success that has eluded you. If you ask me University admission is not hard at all. Nor is it elusive due to lack of wealth. Those are the two greatest excuses I hear. You should be frequenting student forums discussing scholarships and student loans as opposed to wandering around relationship forums. I see you are artsy. That is not a problem. Just keep in mind that arts can be your hobby that your vocation will feed. Do not spend four years from now attending a university to get a degree in art history! You will go nowhere. Its not a prejudice, its just the state of the market. Get a degree in Computer science, electrical engineering, electronic/computer engineering, nursing, MIS etc. These are regular college degrees with regular fee structure as opposed to Med school, law school, flight schools. If you start this fall, you should get your first internship in 3 years that pays you better than your current career path can take you. and yes there are 15,000 universities in the US to choose from. They are beckoning for good students. From what I see, it is you who is not getting the signal.

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 108 (view)

If someone offered you money to marry them to get their citzenship..would you??? Posted: 6/14/2008 11:35:54 PM
OP, 1. Arranged marriage to get a Green card is against the law. You do not want the DHS breathing down your neck. Thats the DHS. 2. How would you explain to the IRS your sudden income of 25,000 USD? That is the IRS. That said, mail order brides are legal. I'd suggest you talk to an immigration attorney how this can be pursued. Whatever you do, (i) Do it legally (ii) Do it for your heart not for the money. There is nothing immoral about her bringing $25,000 starter money for a family you both will build together. There are certainly consequences for breaking the law.

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

First date with a good friend... Posted: 6/14/2008 12:17:06 PM
Would you be more comfortable if you put it across in an email? Lay it down in the email that you'd like to ask her out on a date and that you are really shy. Ask her to call you and then let her drive the conversation. If she is uncomfortable, she'll most likely tell that to you in the email not on phone. In that case it gives you a little more time to wriggle out of an embarrassing situation.

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 159 (view)

O N E M O R E D A Y Posted: 6/12/2008 7:22:52 PM
Denise, Thanks for organizing such a wonderful event. I'd surely call it a success. The turn-out was large, despite absentees. I was very happy to meet all the beautiful people. Sportsfan, you'll have to beg Denise to organize another one of these. I think all of us got hitched :-)

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 154 (view)

O N E M O R E D A Y Posted: 6/12/2008 6:43:48 AM
Denise, Just an observation; perhaps you have discussed this with the management at Aroma's. The place closes at 10:00 PM. If you have 25 participants on each side and allow 4 minute interactions between them, that makes 100 minutes; or 1:40 hours. Cuts it very close hosting the event between 8:00-9:40. Look forward to seeing all - and yes Kat - the mysterious Jody too :-)

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 144 (view)

Two More Days!!! Posted: 6/10/2008 4:44:16 PM
Hi Denise, Thank you for putting such an event together. Your hard work is very commendable. Since you asked people to guarantee their attendance, I will certainly be there. I don't know if I made the cut, but that matters little. Its a fun party and the place to be this Thursday. I know, you are trying to expand a little bit more from the original 25, but in case I don't make it, I'd more than happy to help you with the proceedings. Best wishes.

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 53 (view)

Wealthy v.s Average Income Posted: 3/21/2008 11:22:44 AM
OP, You have posted unequal parameters on either side. One one side we have (i) Wealthy (ii) non-available (iii) Caring On the other we have (i) average earner (ii) available We are not told if the average earner is caring or not, which to me will be the most important parameter. Personally for me in the given scenario, the parameters I would expect in order of precedence: (i) Caring (ii) Available (iii) Wealth Of course these would not be only characteristics that would define the whole of a person.

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 63 (view)

How soon to meet? Posted: 3/5/2008 5:07:29 PM
Niceguy1959J echoes my sentiments exactly. fiestyangel and kevinisky also explain it well. I treat a dating site just like monster.com. You get resumes, and immediately schedule an interview with the best resume. Of course building a relationship is not exactly like hiring a programmer to write Java code, it involves more than that. A first meeting does not mean "you are interested". It means you want to size up the person above the two dimensional portrait the internet offers. I hint at meeting pretty soon - in a large public place, very brief, in a decent time of the day. I also do not believe someone I correspond with via the the internet would share my belief of meeting expeditiously. So I do respond consentingly if my hint is miffed at. More emails...IMs...phone calls..if that is OK. Sure. If even then there is a hesitation, the just drop! I also give consideration to such facts as family and children's responsibility that may preclude meeting early. But meeting early is good. Niceguy, fiestyangel and kevinisky could not have explained better.

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Love and Attachments Posted: 2/8/2008 2:06:32 PM
Sam the same can perhaps even be said of food. "food only brings about attachment to a reality that isn't a reality at all...but just an illusion. " and "We're simply physical manifestations of the universal consciousness" The thought is profound. Everything in the world is a maya (illusions), yet since the soul has been sent to this illusory world, it also has a duty, dharma towards action karmarequired to live in this illusory world. While it is nice to be constantly aware that these are mere manifestations, food, love, attachment are actions which cannot be abandoned nor can the duty that follows such attachment. Ask her if she feels the same way about her parents? Her job? Laws governing society?

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

The male paradox Posted: 1/22/2008 1:04:06 PM
But it is true that society has historically expected men to have the tough exterior. That's why the suicide rate among men has always been so much higher. Actually, I don't know if that's true, but it sounds good, and is anyone going to check? Pretty spectacular piece of information vro312. Something new learned today. The following numbers uphold your theory. http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/depression/related/suicide_8.asp # More men than women die by suicide. * The gender ratio is 4:1. * 72% of all suicides are committed by white men. * 79% of all firearm suicides are committed by white men. However tough exteriors may be correlated, but may not be the chief reason.

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 65 (view)

The embarassment that is the Internet Posted: 1/5/2008 8:58:03 AM
(i) I hate statistics because they can be manipulated in many different ways to prove completely opposite theses. Its like the bikini, shows a lot, but hides the real parts :-) But here is one you all might want to look at: http://tinyurl.com/28u8zy From that article, here is the key: The question now becomes what happens next. Well, according to Sex in America: A Definitive Survey, 63% of married couples met through a network of friends. This may still be an understatement. I'd venture that over a 90% of married people living in the US were married thru a social network (school, college, church, community etc). All of them, 100%, from the forties to the nineties would have married thru a social network. Internet dating is nascent, really a product of the twenty first century and we still only see onesie-twosies that we can speak of from our personal lives that culminated in marriage. So a partner discovered on the internet is still man biting dog news. (ii) Internet daters themselves give internet dating a bad name. The number of stories expounding on the horrors of internet dating far far over weigh the success stories. POF forums are flush with such stories. Non-internet flocks are more cognizant of the the horrors than the successes. (iii) Technology has not advanced to such a level where misrepresentations (of profiles), miscommunication are diminished if not completely eliminated. Social engagements are far more difficult to emulate on line as opposed to say gaming environments. Gross mismatches are rampant which are less likely in a social network. Given these, internet dating has become difficult to be accepted or even fashionable. Of course there are other factors that make internet dating very attractive to people like us. Time, energy, expenses, wider network etc being some of them. I believe, internet daters must be less concerned about embarrassment than adopting a proactive role in diffusing the benefits of the medium.

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 1679 (view)

Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all? Posted: 1/4/2008 2:25:05 PM
Of course YES! And a one line profile to go with no pictures. And yes, she turns out to be a fantastic girl!

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 154 (view)

Prenuptial Agreements and Maximum Child Support payment! Posted: 1/4/2008 1:54:26 PM
Just my couple of pennies. Why would your friend want to have a predetermined amount for his own children? It is going to be his children, so would he not want them to get the best in life?

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Is it time Posted: 1/4/2008 1:37:48 PM
I believe there are only a few untrustworthy people that dirty the pond. Most are nice and worth investing an effort in. However, given your lack of trust at this time, I'd caution you against taking the online route. There is an element of deceit, inaccurate information, unverified background that online users can bring. Would not do too good for that boost of trust you need.

Joined: 9/26/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Do these sites actually work? Posted: 1/4/2008 9:08:11 AM
I'm new to all this, have no time for the bar scene Kinda contradicts the picture you have put up, don't you think? You in a bar, with two guys and one licking your earlobe? :-) Try talking to a few people; The site is as good as you make it.

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