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chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 20 (view)

A gift idea for a woman who gives a birth to your child... Posted: 11/12/2009 8:28:35 AM
a classic, tiffany charm bracelet. have baby's name engraved on the heart charm, which can then be passed down to baby later (if a girl); if a boy, just a great memory that can be worn and cherished always by mommy. i was given this by my daughter's father upon her birth, perhaps "birth-day" gifts exist in all cultures!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 8 (view)

Sometimes, it's NOT you, it IS your children...and why is it not Posted: 8/28/2009 8:44:58 PM
m_church... very well put. my child is smart, intelligent and kind ( more often than not)...but not that "easy", mellow kid! she has a ton of energy, talks constantly, and is very protective of my attention. However, hypothetically, the guy that actually infers that our relationship's demise is a result of my child's "challenging " traits specifically (a opposed to the more generic, "the kid thing just isn't working out for me") would go down as the lowest common denomenator in my book. Most parents of challenging children know that there children are challenging, and this is frustrating enough. Last thing needed is to hear it from a love interest, as he exits stage left. there are rare cases where honesty is not the best policy. IMO, this would be one of them.

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 5 (view)

Sometimes, it's NOT you, it IS your children...and why is it not Posted: 8/28/2009 8:28:38 PM
op... i'm totally with you. i recently started dating a guy that is my age (rare for me, i generally date much older). he is intelligent, spiritual, fun, handsome, but a rather "young", free spirited, 39 year old ! But, he has a ton of creative interests that take up his time and he is not needy or jealous (deep breath). Yet, every time i am with him i have to fight the desire to try to hook him up with someone cuter , younger, and most likely childless in the room. He's such a groovy, positive person that I just want him to be happy. healthy feelings. nice change for me. i can't fathom why he would want to date a woman with a child, who cannot go out dancing or to los angeles to see a show at the drop of a hat...and he lives an hour away! where on earth could this go, we all wonder? i believe that it all depends on the person. what stage of life they are currently in, and what stages they have already been through (bearing in mind that the age and expected life stage don't always correspond). also, a man who genuinely LIKES children would be a far better mate candidate than one who merely tolerates for the sake of basking in the glory of my presence (LOL). i am at a point where i can totally relate to a guy NOT wanting to date me because of my daughter, and I would have no problem whatsoever with that. I know it makes my time more limited. I know I am less spontaneous. I know I have less disposable income because I am splitting 2 ways, not one. I know that, while most relationships take work, ours one would take twice the work, and quite possibly entail fewer adult vacations to temper the stress. BUT, I also know that I am a beautiful, worthwhile human being with an enormous heart and a captivating little girl ( we are quite the dynamic duo). If a guy is up for the journey, he will enjoy the company of two, blond bombshells for the price of one. If he is not up to the challenge...and I expect that most men probably aren't...then no sweat, I don't take that personally. Just clue me in prior to fu-king me, please...

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 52 (view)

What someone does that really turns you on? Posted: 8/27/2009 8:04:29 PM
...Apply perfect skill in making me feel totally desirable, yet not slutty, while OUT of the bedroom...

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 147 (view)

Just For Fun - Top 3 What Not To Do On A 1st Date Posted: 8/26/2009 8:25:23 PM
1. do not talk about all the women in your life, past or present, in terms of their body types (as opposed to personality, occupation, etc). 2. do not tell me about how all the women in your life have made you feel "icky" 3. do not tell me that your ex wife left you for a total loser (as women do not usually downgrade unless there is really good reason, no???) 4. (bonus round) do not invite me to your sloppy, messy house! all true stories, also!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 42 (view)

Hi fives to all the devoted daddys out there!!!!! Posted: 8/26/2009 6:40:58 PM
it makes me a little sad that "devoted dads" are such a rarity. with threads like this, it is no wonder devoted dads ARE such a rarity. seriously...does anyone else see the irony in "celebrating" a biological parent that is actually being a devoted biological parent??? where is the big celebration for the moms, who are simply expected to do it minus the kudos thread???if we continue to celebrate the "devoted dad" as the exception to the rule, chances are he always will be...

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 206 (view)

How come single mothers don't want single fathers Posted: 8/26/2009 6:18:26 PM
i listen to all the single parent females who say that they would rather date a man with children. while some of the reasons and rationales are valid, can i also caution against the many ways in which this idyllic scenerio can turn out to be less than ideal? 1. blended family dynamcis are often tough; for example, he may have the children who are perfectly behaved, while you have the child that is less than perfectly behaved. not only is this situation tense for all, but it is setremely difficult for the less than well behaved child. ditto a scenerio where his children have very little family, while your child is surrounded by a large family of love and support. lots of jealousies. lots of "jockeying" for position. 2. a failed relationship with 2 sets of children involves more broken hearts than a failed relationship with one set. basic math. 3. if you are not well aligned in values and parenting styles, it will NEVER work, and there will probably be plenty of nasty arguments in the process of trying to make it work. meanwhile, it is our responsiblity as parents to model the types of relationships that we wish our children to pursue later on in life. extensive fighting should not be part of this equation... 4. if things end badly and your have kids around the same age, it is likely that you will inevitably run into each other again, especially in a small town. 5. the early courtship days, especially if you are dating responsbily as a single parent, invlove 2 people who have to work around kids' schedules, illnesses, and coordinate babysitters (plus, pay for them), as opposed to only one. 6. children that start out as friends often end up as enemies. choosing a mature partner may help avoid this scenerio, but bear in mind that love is blind! my last real relationship was a 2 year stint with a single father with full custody of two young daughters. it was extremely difficult. i am now dating one man with no children, and another man with 2 children (discreetly, of course) . my advice to single parents is this: there are plenty of partners out there who are secure enough in themselves and have enough outside interests to respect the fact that you have children and make your children your number one priority. think about it...non-single parent partners have more attention to lavish on JUST your child, as opposed to risking pissing off their own children by showing your child some love (and, yes, the mature men and women among us would render a life lesson out of this type of jealousy) trust me that single parents dating other single parents is not nearly as romantic as it sounds! but i am not discounting the fact that i chose the WRONG single parent for me.

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 129 (view)

Mom Jailed over child support Posted: 8/23/2009 4:00:58 PM
the father of my child was over 35k in arrears when he finally got nabbed! irony is, he had started paying AND being a dad, but i figured out that the department of child support looks only for opportunity at a certain point! put a lien on his bank account for 30k, but was able to convince texas oag to only take 15k of it (which they did, unbelievable). then, when he came out west, he was denied a driver's licence. had to jump thru major hoops to get one! gave the sob story about not being able to find work without one, and eventually got it freed up. the moral of the story is that just when you have given up hope of ever seeing a dime of arrearages, you might suddenly be suprised, but it has affected his cash position such that he can't even afford to entertain our daughter on the occ. week-end, so definitely a trade-off!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 41 (view)

would you cut a single parent slack for having a messy house? Posted: 8/23/2009 8:04:11 AM
The huge warning sign to me is that the OP was with him for two years and is only disgusted now that they've split up... Methinks this is another case of two sides to every story... excellent point, and well taken. there are actually 3 sides to every story...his, hers, and the truth! if you read my original post, ex wife was cleaning the house for awhile, so things only got REALLY unbearable when she stopped doing this. there are also 3 children involved amongst the two of us...so there was an added motivation to make things work because neither one of us wanted our children to witness another failed relationship and my daughter was very attached to his children and his dog (she's actually pretty fond of him, too) then i realized that they were only witnessing a very warped "love" dynamic and it simply seemed like more of a "save" for everyone involved to leave! and part of that involved my recognition that our values are totally different and i was constantly trying to change him into someone else (essentially, a guy that could put down his beer can long enough to maintain decent cleanliness standards). not fair because that's not him! and it's not that he doesn't have some very good qualities...generous, easygoing, fun...but the real "dealbreakers" are simply that. dealbreakers.

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 38 (view)

would you cut a single parent slack for having a messy house? Posted: 8/22/2009 10:46:24 PM
let me reiterate... there's "letting things go" due to time constraints, small children, quality of life outside (or inside, as he so deludes) the home, etc, etc...we all do it to some degree, some more than others and perhaps more often than others... and then there's just total and utter neglect. clothes piled high on bedroom floor, sheets dirty, bathroom a mess! he exemplifies the latter. nuff' said.

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 34 (view)

would you cut a single parent slack for having a messy house? Posted: 8/22/2009 11:46:53 AM
If the guys house was so dirty just think about how nasty his body is. What if he just got done taking a big dump on the filthy pee covered sht stained toilet seat at his house and then goes and has sex with you and you're grabbing his germy naked butt as he bangs you. What if he didnt have any clean undies so he picked out some dirty drawers with skid marks and cm stains that he found in the corner of his mouldy filthy bathroom floor thats covered with pubes, pee and toe nail clippings and goes over to your place and pulls out his pecker thats been in those rancid shtty cmmy drawers and wants you give him a B.J. ewwwwww Yuck! but, guess what? after a while, i figured out that him bragging about how clean his body was all the time was a cover for just this type of thing! seriously, how clean can a person be when they are drying off half the time with dirty towels from the floor? yet another part of the turn off equation.

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 28 (view)

would you cut a single parent slack for having a messy house? Posted: 8/15/2009 11:21:26 AM
I also wondered why he never hired a cleaning lady talked about it, never did it, and has gobs of money to do so. his ex-wife would even clean his house, back when she would pick up the kids for visitation (this seemed to fall by the wayside eventually, though) i celebrated and encouraged it! to this day, ex wife still collects the kids' laundry and deposits it in bags on their doorstep. this is a man who encourages daily showers for his children, yet they have to pick wet, dirty towels off the floor to dry themselves with. I simply lost my patience and grew disgusted because he blamed everything on working so hard that it left little time for cleaning...yet plenty of time for drinking! (also owns his business and makes his own hours, so WTF???) i truly believe that he thinks that if he accumulates enough "toys" and plies a woman with enough gifts, she'll ignore the sloppy, messy house...and many probably will!!! thanks for the feedback...especially from the guys out there! PS. Let me reiterate. I am far from a neat freak and have an active 5 year old, yet in my mind there has to be a happy medium, political or not.

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 186 (view)

How come single mothers don't want single fathers Posted: 8/15/2009 8:47:33 AM
It can totally work, but my advice is to ease into a romantic relationship very slowly, prior to getting the kids involved. Look for "like" values, alignment in parenting goals/strategies. Look for similarities in education and class (sounds shallow, i never thought this would be a problem, but it was). In my opinon, when single parents co-mingle in a romantic relationship, it is almost as if "marriage criteria" must be applied right off the bat (i know...this excerpt comes from "how to make a man flee in 30 seconds flat..ha") This man/woman will be a role model for your child AND you will be modeling the type of relationship that you want your children to pursue when the time is right; while the role-modeling happens regardless of whether 2 single parents unite or not, the damage that results from things going horribly awry is compounded by the number of children affected...basic math. this said, i believe that much of a person's true character emerges thru witnessing what type of parent they are. Here are some examples of some things I noted about the partner that I just emerged from a 2 year relationship with, a custodial parent of 2 girls, and i have one daughter. in the end, total dealbrbeakers! 1. when it's conveniant for him, he sends his daughters to stay with their mother, who lives with a man that allegedly molested his eldest (mostly, this conveniance revolved around the opportunity for him to get laid) 2. while i never miss an opportunity to teach my daughter a life lesson, he never missed the opportunity to convince his daughters to blame all mishaps on others 3. in a fit of anger, he broke all the dinnerware and vases that i ever bought him (nice stuff, too. fiestaware). his daughters were watching. in another fit of anger, he got rid of all the items I ever purchased for his children , including really nice, plush bathrobes 4. at restaurants, he limits his daughters' trips to the restroom 5. he attempts to change the way that his daughter's walk and talk, because it reminds him of their mother, his ex-wife 6. his house is consistenly sloppy and messy, yet he wonders why his kids won't help him clean it 7. he insists that his daughters shower daily, yet they often must pick wet, dirty towels off the floor in order to do so 8. if his ex-wife did not do his daughters' laundry, it wouldn't get done 9. when he "accidently" downloads porn on his computer, he blames his daughter (note that it was his decision to make her aware of the issue, NOT mine) 10. he exercises every morning, yet injests approximately 4-5 beers nightly 11. his children have the best of the best materially, yet lack family and friends that love them because their father cannot be bothered to sustain relationships. my daughter's situation is pretty much the polar opposite. 12. i have a very healthy co-parenting relationship with my daughter's father (albeit, a recent phenomena), while he still bad-mouths his ex wife in front of his children these are the types of things that can almost only be discovered once you're in too deep! my advice is to really get to know a person, feel out who they really are, truly LISTEN to the things that they say...before embarking down the relationship path. the more children, the more heartache in the end! Yet, the right combination of mature, single parents compunds the happiness and success! best of luck!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 10 (view)

would you cut a single parent slack for having a messy house? Posted: 8/12/2009 7:42:31 PM
let me clarify: totally messy...first time i met him, kids bathroom was PILED high with clothes all over the floor. i thought it was a strategy that they would eventually get to the point that they could no longer make it to the tub/shower without picking them up (and that may have been sorta brilliant in my book). but, it was not a strategy. it was a daily reality. dishes piled high...clothing all over his floor, very dirty toilet and shower, beer bottles everywhere (how hard is it to just throw them in the recycling bin?). i remember a neighbor of his coming over to return something and walking straight back to the garage (ex b.f was not at home) and i found myself utterly embarrassed for ex b.f. i simply cannot imagine a woman that would tolerate this long term (except that i foolishly did)...r short term, for that matter. and i also agree that some degree of cleanliness shows self-respect, not to mention respect for the space your children must inhabit, as well... Ultimately, no number of trinkets from tiffany's or massive boquets of roses could allow me to see my future in cleaning that mess!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 1 (view)

would you cut a single parent slack for having a messy house? Posted: 8/12/2009 6:07:47 PM
i just got out of a 2 year relationship with a single father who has primary custody of two daughters. the very first time i met him, i walked in to the sloppiest house EVER, and this continued throughout our relationship. although my home is tiny, i believe that keeping it tidy and neat for guests shows respect for others. his excuse was that he was always too busy working to clean, yet he makes gobs of money, so could have easily hired a cleaning person (several times he suggested that I should be cleaning the house, despite the fact that we really only spent week-ends together. Bear in mind that I, too, work full time, raise my daughter solo, and maintain some decent cleanliness standards). I told him repeatedly how much the perpetual mess offended me, such that his lack of desire to acknowledge the issue became one of many real turn offs for me. I also believe that he is setting a lousy example for his two, young girls, ages 7 and 11. am i shallow??? what are other thoughts on this? The other part of the equation is that he is an alcoholic, and i believe that the booze de-motivated him to do anything other than drink and sustain employment.

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 144 (view)

Do women actually exist that date men with kids?? Posted: 5/5/2009 9:18:52 PM
"I don't think it really has anything to do with children....a lot of single woman myself included don't mind children at all. What is difficult is that a lot of single fathers don't know how to time manage their children and their personal life...thats the deal." ...and then there are custodial fathers who will continually throw their children under the bus, OR ship them off to the neighbors/friends/mother's, OR stay in horribly destructive relationships...just so they can get laid. An equally irritating turn off, trust me!!!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 143 (view)

Do women actually exist that date men with kids?? Posted: 5/5/2009 8:48:51 PM
i just got out of a relationship with a single, custodial father of two girls ( i have one) we met through our kids, and here are my words of wisdom: 1. for those men commenting on the "provider" role of the male, and how a man providing for his children has less left to provide for a woman and her child(ren)... The man I dated is EXTREMELY wealthy, which lent itself to "providing" for my child when he was trying to score points with me, and not providing when he was trying to get even with me. For example, he added on a 4th bedroom to his home. on "good" days, it was my daughter's room. on bad days, it was the guest room. these mixed messages are pretty hard on a 5 year old little girl... 2. OnlyOnlyOnly venture down this path (single female or single females with kids) if your value systems/ parenting styles are closely aligned. Watching my ex raise his daughters was like watching a train wreck in slow motion, but only because our value systems were completely off kilter...causes more rifts than you can possibly imagine!!! 3. Our kids, who started out as best friends, now do not even speak to each other (my daughter would still approach him/his children with a spring in her step and a smile on her face, but he has long ago poisoned his children) be prepared for many relationships to be severed if/when the relationship goes south... 4. Beware the man with children who expresses that he wants you to" love his children like you love your own" (or not, if you are childless) this is completely unrealistic, and a recipe for disappointment. this is not to say you cannot think his children are amazing and love them to pieces, but you will still love your child more. period. 5. Piggybacking the "like values" idea, beware of huge differences in what i like to refer to as the "haves" and "have nots". because of his massive income, his children "have" the best toys, lessons, etc that money can buy; they do not, however, have relatives close by, a mentally stable mother, or many personal friends; my daughter, by contrast, is surrounded by love, a large family, and nice friends (and, yes, a mentally stable mother most of the time), yet I cannot afford to invest in the material stuff like he can. once again, a point of tension. 6. as they say, men are from mars, so the parenting is VERY different (in my case, there was not an ounce of "nurturing male" in this man, yet both of his girls could probably change a tire with their eyes closed). women, don't expect all men to be warm and fuzzy, especially when they are the main custodials, and you feel as if they should be part nurturing female and part providing male... this is partly why they want you around! 7. if you find yourselves fighting constantly, especially around the kids, bail!!! especially if this is a pattern that characterized your previous relationship , hence single parent status. trust me that this is not the time to try to prolong the relationship under the guise of teaching "never quitting" to your children. we have a responsiblity to our children to model the type of healthy, loving, committed relationships that we want our children to seek out. All this said, I would definitely give the blended family dynamic another whirl as there are things that work far better because there are children on both sides. For one, both children have built in siblings/ playmates and it is far easier to go on outings with more than one child (3 is a crowd right?). I have "lived and learned" this time around and it cost me nearly 2 years of serious damage control. Next time, for both my daughter's well being and my own, I will only do it right!! hindsight is 20/20.

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 118 (view)

How Do You Get Somone Out Of Your Head? Posted: 1/3/2009 9:24:50 PM
It is so very difficult, I am experiencing the same right now (could it be the new year dawning that so many of us are in the same boat?). I say...the mind is a very powerful thing, especially for the man (or woman) who lives in a world of delusion, denial, and blame. I console myself by knowing that my ex is totally hating me right now because...once again...he cannot take responsibility for why the relationship ended and is instead blaming and hating me. This will allow him to "move on" immeditely, as all good alcoholics seem to do, bad mouthing me all the while to his new chica boom-boom (who would be wise to run like hell, knowing that she will someday end up landing in the slander box herself). Knowing that this is happening has the tendancy to soil the memories of our physical connection and good times. On the other hand, if he (by chance) resurfaces, recognizes his MAJOR screw up, admits that he was wrong, and wishes me well in life, he might then be promoted from "bottomfeeder" to "semi quality person" and then I may start to REALLY snivel...

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 71 (view)

Single parents that prefer to date other single parents really baffles me Posted: 8/29/2008 9:48:42 PM
yes, repair guy...and you should know that the man you are so defending put my 5 year old daughter in the position to choose whether our relationship was to progress or not...and she chose not! what kind of man allows a 5 year old to carry around the burden of such a heavy decision, and not without telling her to grab her bedding on the way out???( Wait...i know...the same guy who finds out that his oldest daughter was inappropriately fondled by his mothers boyfriend, and continues to send her down to vist the happy couple every week-end!!!) tough to invest emotionally in children who will forever bear the burden of their father's total ignorance. some women simply desire far more than money can buy, so financial "giving" means very little when trickling from a totally empty vessel. thanks for your honest opinion though, repair guy. now, here's my other cheek...

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 69 (view)

Single parents that prefer to date other single parents really baffles me Posted: 8/27/2008 9:29:35 PM
i fell into the trap of dating a full time single dad who was BLATANT about wanting me to essentially raise HIS two kids...quit my job, keep up the house, cart all the kids (my child included) to summer camps, activities, depend upon him financially for my every need .sorry, not my thing. yawn. trouble was this: his kids have EVERYTHING that money can buy , as he is a very wealthy man who can only see the provisional side of parenting. my child doesn't have the best of everything that money can buy, and never will. on the flip side, my child has EVERYTHING that money cannot buy (amazing family, friends, spirituality) while his children do not...and probably never will b/c their father is too busy working or burning bridges to lend a nurturing hand to his childrens lives. i found myself saying things like, "it is not my job to nurture your children, just as it is not your job to provide financially for mine." bear in mind that i like his children, and that he provided financially for my child far better than my child's own bio dad ever has or will. but it wasn't enough to weather the storm. we split with a year under our belts, yet it turned ugly far sooner than that!!! about 364 days sooner. it is a groovy fantasy to think that full time fathers are ultra-responsible, devoted, honorable men... and many of them may well be. my reality, however, forced me to realize that there can also be ulterior motives, especially for the guy who is simply too proud to hand the kids back over to mom. hence, his eternal quest for "replacement mom", who is bumbling along at a steady speed just with the effort of tending to the full scope of her own child(ren)'s needs. blended families. nice in theory, very difficult in reality.

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 1389 (view)

what is everyones opin on tattoos? Posted: 7/25/2008 7:15:44 AM
belly, bikini line, and ankle. the one on my belly is huge, but very tasteful (a floral piece, well survived two pregnancies even with the warning that it would stretch and never be the same). The one on my ankle is a bit of a regret, as it requires pants/dark stockings in the eyes of corporate america...not always ideal for sunny santa barbara in late august. I believe that 'tats' can be extremely attractive, so long as they are not of the skull and crossbones variety. I consider myself to be extremely well-groomed, and often hear, "you don't look like the TYPE to have tattoos..." Far be it for me to stop defying tradition any time soon!!! I get compliments on my artwork from women of all ages (including granny types) in the gym lockeroom. If my artwork looked garish or frightful, perhaps the compliments would instead be snickers or stares. Much as "the clothes don't make the man", it is the induvidual who gives the tattoo meaning and carries it/them off in a certain way, not the other way around. It would be groovy if the "type" to get tattoos could be reinvented in the eyes of society...and we unlikely "types" may well be the best crusaders to pull this off!!!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 766 (view)

If someone emails you with misspelled words and bad grammar, do you respond? Posted: 7/15/2008 2:44:15 PM
no, this is not overly critical, it is common sense and internet etiquette. First impressions only happen once, whether via internet or face to face. it is no different than showing up to a job interview dressed like a slob, smacking on gum, and expecting to get hired. NEXT!!! Am I the only one who sees the irony in this? ...nope, i'm right there with you!!! there appears to be an apostrophe missing.

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 119 (view)

Why do Babes dig ugly guys? Posted: 7/15/2008 2:38:10 PM
many people say that my current beau and i re mismatched, and HE constantly says, "i bet people wonder how a troll like me is dating a hot chick like you" (HIS opinion, not mine). the truth??? it took me months to get over the fact that i was not walking into the room with a tall, well-dressed, "headturner" as i have been previously used to dating...but the headturners, as other posters have pointed out, have had "issues" beyond belief...cheaters (because, let's face it, they could!!!), entitlement issues, egocentric, perfectionistic,you name it. My current guy? spoils me rotten, treats me and my daughter like princesses, is full of suprises, and sees the value in what he has, as opposed to subscribing to the "grass is always greener" philosophy that a true stud can perpetually afford to entertain. contrary to popular belief, nice guys don't ALWAYS finish last!!!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 63 (view)

Should Dad be expected to help out now after time off with good behaviour?? Posted: 7/10/2008 8:25:38 PM
If he won't do it willingly, he'll have to do it unwillingly. ..unless he is self-employed (cannot be wage attached) or a chronic "job jumper". then, child support is virtually impossible to collect. take it from someone who is owed 27,000 for a child that is not yet five years old, and both california and texas courts know exactly where this deadbeat is. pathetic "dad" and equally pathetic "system". (yep, totally bitter).

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 62 (view)

Child support Posted: 7/10/2008 8:17:26 PM
Yes, the system is out to screw over all men in divorce. Of course, how could I forget that. ...and the same "system" allows men to walk away from their court ordered support obligations , often times over...and over....and over again. so, at the end of the day, if there is no effective enforcement of court orders, how "screwed" can you actually get???

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 224 (view)

Is this a new social phenomenon??? Posted: 5/27/2008 7:26:08 PM
iam not fussy or picky and just have few requests. ...is one of them that she look like kate moss ,the calendar girl you are posing next to in your profile pics? heck, maybe we're all just intimidated! poster removes tongue from cheek

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 222 (view)

Is this a new social phenomenon??? Posted: 5/27/2008 7:21:26 PM
There are many guys who look for that sort of thing but, I want something long lasting with meaning and substance, not just sex. ...sigh, double sigh...why aren't there more men like YOU????

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 144 (view)

any men out there ever have an erection lasting over four hours?!!! Posted: 5/19/2008 7:40:28 PM
...not sure about the 4 hour carnival ride, BUT my last boyfriend truly did not have a refractory period. ...and would sell his soul to the devil, just to get laid (hm...go figure). i will say, however, that times when he was inebriated, it was sometimes difficult for him to orgasm. never one to give up, and largely driven by his "little man" ego, he'd pound for about 3 hours. when sober, about 3 minutes. quite frankly, it was hard for us to find that perfect balance.

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 31 (view)

he isn't getting the hint Posted: 4/27/2008 8:20:37 PM
perhaps i am too old....or simply too stupid....or maybe HE is just stupid. i don't care if you have a "set" time, date, place, or location. if you are openly stating "i am available, i would like to see you, i don't care if it is a friday or a saturday"...and he does not invite you along...then something is simply missing. you can make excuses for the poor bloke all you want...and blame yourself for "assuming"...but i have been thru enough relationships to shake a stick at (and still single by choice.lol) and i am telling you that your "gut" is simply right. otherwise, you would not be asking! ps. would you take the same bs. from your girlfriends? imagine your best girlfriend calling you up, telling you about a fun party, and then not inviting you. you would be bafffled...and you are not even intimate with HER (i am assumingZZZZ)

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 128 (view)

Do women even like men? Posted: 4/26/2008 2:03:37 PM
i love men, but they frustrate me to no end...perhaps this is because i keep falling for the alcoholic ones who tend to be erratic messes! the ones who lie through their teeth, get caught, and then blame the anger and fury on YOUR insecurity, as opposed to THEIR dishonesty, the ones who tell you that you will never find anyone that loves you as much as they do and you actually start to believe it until one day when you stop to think, "how hard can it be to find an honest guy...really? and if i cannot, i'd rather be single. period." so, my anger towards men is simply directed towards my own insecurity and the men that i "settle" for b/c it has been told to me so many times that i will never find "better."i simply choose the crappy chevy as opposed to setting my sights on the volvos with integrity. Luckily, I recognize that this is MY problem, not the male species'... NICE GUYS DO NOT FINISH LAST!!! NEVER BELIEVE IT FOR A MINUTE!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 119 (view)

Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here? Posted: 4/24/2008 7:38:27 PM
I have met many men in real time. Only to find they are on line also. It really doesn't matter anymore. ...aint this the sad truth?

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 231 (view)

men and oral sex... Posted: 4/11/2008 5:59:59 PM
if you care for the man that you are intimate with, it has been my experience that there is no better feeling in the world than to please him orally (close runner up is him doing the same to you...yummy.). why on earth would you want to deprive your loved one of such amazing pleasure, or at least not even give it an honest try?...more importantly, how very archaic to generalize that all men have dirty "roosters"? the female, equivalent fear is that they are not clean enough "down there" to be worthy to receive oral, a fear that many women today are still trying to transcend (and it is warped enough...now, all we need is men entertaining equivalent hang ups). true, some men and women are just cleaner --or emit stronger odors-- than others, but it is equally true that some men and women find these odors a fierce turn on, especially if they are in love with the person emitting the odors. as a very extreme example, i once had a man perform oral sex on me when i was heavily menstruating...this was a bit much for me, but he didn't even bat an eyelash, so i just let him go at it! different strokes for different folks, but to term all roosters as dirty is just as undiplomatic as terming all female genitalia as such! and a male would receive quite a bashing on this board for doing so!!!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 100 (view)

How do single parents meet that special someone? Posted: 3/22/2008 1:03:18 PM
Didn't you already meet that special someone and wasn't that how you became a single parent? I don't get it.You already did it once so you ought to know how it is done. ...with all due respect, if you've been reading the posts, the places that one tends to "hang out" with kids often tend to differ than those favored when single. there are also time limitations, babysitter issues (some can't even afford it), and issues of potential partners grappling with the "child" issue. there is also the issue of dating discreetly until it is "safe" to introduce a potential long term to your kids. of course we've all "done" it before, but probably under much different circumstances (IG, minus the stroller and baby spit)

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 233 (view)

Dating and Bankruptcy Posted: 3/20/2008 2:58:43 PM
good question. the father of my child just filed bankruptcy (chapter 7) for the second time due to irs liens, child support debt, etc...sad thing is, his wife of only a year got dragged thru the muck also, and i am certain that she had excellent credit. she doesn't seem too fazed by it, though! for better or for worse...

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 208 (view)

Have you ever loved someone enough to let them go? Posted: 3/20/2008 2:52:23 PM
you are not alone. i had to let the man i love go b/c i was (and am) unwilling to invest myself emotionally in a man who is killing himself slowly with alcohol. he tried really hard to stop drinking, but just can't do it. simply a deal breaker for me (social drinking is fine in my b ook...6 beers a night for the past 9 years, only to "cut down" to about 3-4 glasses of wine or champagne nightly is not). it kills me that a man would choose alcohol over a romance with me, but i am certain that there are many women out there who will accept this facet of his personality without question. have to let him go fishing...

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 46 (view)

I am apprehensive about dating single fathers Posted: 3/19/2008 12:39:32 PM
faithfey... i couldn't have put it better myself...and you would all be amazed at how many people are DYING to adopt children, both male and female, single and married. so, i am quite certain that, as faithfey has so eloquently put it, there are men out there who actually embrace the opportunity to be a father...even if they stumble upon the role a bit later on in the game...

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 37 (view)

I am apprehensive about dating single fathers Posted: 3/18/2008 5:29:44 PM
Excuse me Chrissyfit, but you are in no position to critize and make statements such as you should have been leery of single dads....Are you not a single mom. I guess your child didn't do any wrong among the bickering of the children right? This is what happens when you date people with children. Since you have a child, even if you were to date someone who didn't have children there would still be the problems that you mentioned before such as finding time to yourselves because your schedule is obviously restricted, dealing with your ties to your ex, your childs relatives....etc. You don't want to deal with a single dads baggage, but someone should be willing to deal with yours. Single parents should only date single parents...end of story. with all due respect, seasiron ...i don't think i ever came close to insinuating that my child was "innocent" within the bickering; as a matter of fact, as the youngest of the group, she is equipped with the least amount of emotional maturity. double the kids is double the "baggage", whatever way the cookie crumbles, so saying that single parents should only date single parents is a totally ludicrous vision, in my opinion. ideally, i would prefer to date a man who has always wanted a child, but couldn't! then, you're cutting down on half of the scheduling conflicts (his kids and yours) half the ex drama, and to be honest, half the expense s of funding "dates" for 5 (that goes for whoever foots the bill, gender neutral here!) wow, i just noted that you don't have kids, so why lurking on the single parents thread? sorry, but hard to take advice from a person who has not had first hand experience in the area of single dating and parenting! ps. i am still technically dating the single father in question because i happen to love him AND his children. for these reasons, i try to take the challenges in stride, but i would have done things differently, had the challenges surfaced earlier on in the relationship. just being honest.

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 31 (view)

I am apprehensive about dating single fathers Posted: 3/15/2008 8:11:39 PM
i date on and off a man with sole custody of 2 girls ( i have one, the same age as one of his...) i will say that dating this man has been the toughest exprience ever! no time for ourselves, kids constantly fighting, us trying to determine who is at fault, heavy tensions as a result of all this, very early mornings, issues extracting ourselves out of the relationship (because of the kids...blah,blah,blah), and a whole host of things i could never have predicted during the "honeymoon" period. we have, in fact, deduced our relationship to "week-ends only"in the hopes that things will be more bearable . and yet, here i am, sitting home alone on a saturday night. nuff' said. so, to the op... i don't blame you at all for being leery of full time single dads. i most certainly should have been.

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 5 (view)

interstate visitation Posted: 3/13/2008 7:29:08 AM
thanks...i checked the unaccompanied minors portion of american airlines web-site. children 5-7 years are an additonal fee of 75.00 usd both ways (so, an extra 150 tacked on the price of admission). reservations can only be made by phone, children cannot be booked on a last flight, flights must be direct, flights must be re-scheduled pending poor weather conditions, etc...etc...i get all the "theory". what i am looking for here is the reality... like, who is going to comfort my child amidst intense turbulence, which is second nature to flight attendants? (and, yes, it is very scary for a "stranger" to be responsible for my child. scary, indeed!) and also, which no one has mentioned...does the ncp typically enjoy larger blocks of visitation time, given the hassle, cost, and distance?

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 1 (view)

interstate visitation Posted: 3/12/2008 6:16:13 PM
hi, i am wondering if any single parents on this thread have experience with interstate visitation? at what age did your child (ren) begin travelling on the airplane "solo"? what sort of time frames "worked", especially as your child (ren) began kindergarten? were there any ever bad experiences with flying, especially for young children? (for example, what happens if the plane gets delayed overnight, or re-routed?) my daughter and i are going to see her father in texas for the first time in 2 years. she is 4, will be 5 in october, and i believe that we will be trying to establish a cost effective visitation plan that earns him and his new family ample time with our daughter. any guidelines will be greatly appreciated (flight is 3 hours, direct, burbank to dallas)

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 86 (view)

I told my son (9) I pay his child support Posted: 3/4/2008 6:45:57 AM
not for me to judge, BUT...i would never discuss those issues with my child, also her father is paying support to me (NOT!). it would just be too easy to start venting when he didn't pay (which he doesn't, most of the time...) the response to a simple question like, "mommy, are yuo deposting the money daddy sent you?" and then, depending on the day off the week, i just start tirading...and she feels like daddy doesn't even love her enough to pay. in your case though...not that money is everything...but you are showing a financially responsible adult who is adhering to guideline support. us grown-ups appreciate that far more than kids, but it is not much different than depositing your earnings from work. demonstrating responsiblity is the key, and i imagine you don't go off on the discussion about how broke you are because you have to pay support, how mom probably spends it on herself, etc, etc...it is not the money, but the bs surrounding it, that kids need to be free of!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 615 (view)

full-time single dads Posted: 3/1/2008 1:01:20 PM
to the second part of the question... i am just getting out of a relationship with a single dad with primary custody of two daughters, 5 and 9 (bio mom has little involvement). we met thru our kids, as i have a 4 year old daughter who was having regular playdates with his 5 year old. i always imagined that this is how i would meet men because it is virtually impossible to date any other way!!! that said, i found myself EXPECTED to do the motherly stuff for both my child, and his...i also found myself micromanaging his parenting (especially with girls, as he is not so warm and fuzzy...) and becoming extremely angry that he was not more proactive on certain issues (like his eldest daughter getting molested by bio-mom's boyfriend). i just felt like, in terms of a real "future", i was not willing to hang with this type of scenrio. on the other hand, he treated me and my daughter like princesses, which i am eternally grateful for. there was also the ever-present dynamic of the blended family...constant jockeying for position by virtually all parties involved, including bio-mom who would tell her children, "you want HER (meaning me) to be your mom instead of me" . they would come home from brief stints with bio-mom all surly and nasty and cruel to my daughter and i. So...to really answer the question...i would still date a single dad, but proceed with caution!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 115 (view)

Do you find yourself becoming apathetic about finding love? Posted: 2/29/2008 7:21:13 AM
totally, but then again i am nursing a broken heart (sad face). i just can't fathom why i keep hooking up with such morons. this time, i'm not even bummed that he chose alcohol over me. i'm so used to it! that said, even at 38, i am hopeful because i never figured i'd meet the last guy...and i truly love him, but there are just too many issues (including the dishonesty that surrounds an alcoholic in denial). so, i am certain that i will find love again...although i am certainly not going to "pursue" it anytime soon. it is so true that when you least expect it, expect it...although i would not put all my eggs in one basket (this site, i mean!) i'm exhausted, as it takes lots of energy to invest time, energy, and hope into someone, only to have it fall apart. it makes me want to cuss (no worries, moderator). good luck!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 243 (view)

Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence? Posted: 2/28/2008 3:41:58 PM
this brings up a similar scenerio...a guy i know second-hand's wife was snooping thru his wallet (the guy said that this was spurred on by the wife's girlfriends, who put it in her head that because he worked late he was cheating). he went out, bought a $700.00 safe, and now locks his wallet up every night. the friend who relayed this story (also male) thinks that his was a groovy solution to his "lack of privacy". i, however, argue that investing in a $700.00 safe (especially when he bought said wife nothing for valentine's day) screams that he IS hiding something. come on... a conversation about privacy is one thing, investing in a safe hints at deception. on another note, a friend of mine put monitoring software on her computer, only to discover that hubby had been having an affair with at least one woman their entire marriage. for her, as a strong christian, it gave her the "proper" biblical go ahead to divorce him. So, in a strong sense, snooping definitely "worked" for her!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 18 (view)

The Tit for Tat Theory of Happiness in Relationships. Posted: 2/28/2008 3:35:19 PM
my dad, an ex counselor of many marrieds, has a theory: once one party REALLy screws up in a relationship, the other party is constantly on a quest to "balance the ledger"...which then becomes a vicious cycle between the two of them, not to mention their eventual, almost guarenteed , demise as a couple. balancing the ledger, of course, can take many, often mundane forms...denial of sex, cooking, cleaning, etc...or larger ones like secretly cheating. it sounds as if you are proposing this type of scenerio, minus the major screw up. i denied my (now ex) boyfriend sex the other night for the first time in 7 months. a week later, he reclaimed the mercedez benz that he had been letting me drive around since he bought it. I, in turn, told him that i would no longer be spending the night. needless to say, he has exited the building, despite my and his children very emotionally invested in one another. so, you see, balancing the ledger can ALSO go horribly awry!!!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 502 (view)

boobs Posted: 2/27/2008 8:13:31 PM
you will change the boobs, then it will be something else that's "not right". where will you draw the line? remember...wherever you go, there you are!!!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 136 (view)

Anybody dated anybody who later became famous Posted: 2/27/2008 8:03:45 PM
yep, dated someone famous...but i can't say who, as he is on this site!!! told me that he was in the "entertainment industry", then something that he said caused me to look at him a certain way, as if i'd seen him somewhere before...and i had, in a BIG TIME movie!!! that explained the ever-active blackberry! (you know who you are, Mr. "new" New Yorker!!!)

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 113 (view)

You can't go down on me Posted: 2/27/2008 7:58:31 PM
i hate to say it, but....some men just do not know what they are doing down there!!! (not you, of course) but maybe she had one, or a few, of those in the past. seriously, you just lay there and think...what is he doing??? that said, i've had enough men who know exactly how to please me orally, so i would be willing to bet the odds!! or, as i have learned, be A LOT more verbal about what feels good, and what is totally off the mark! best of luck (ahh...her loss!)

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 734 (view)

Child support... how much?? Posted: 2/25/2008 8:17:28 PM
my ex was ORDERED to pay $1195.00 base +. he, too, lives out of state and has zero visitation, by his choice. i am lucky if i see $500, and only in the rare instances when they threaten to suspend his license! big difference between what is ordered and what is actually paid!!!

chrissyfit

Joined: 4/7/2004

Msg: 26 (view)

Help DATING A SINGLE DAD Posted: 2/25/2008 8:11:50 PM
this is coming from a woman who jumped into the "us" thing all too quickly. it is an absolute nightmare to extricate yourself from, once the kids all grow attached to each other (and you). i am in the process of doing this right now, and it is hell on my daughter (i met the man in question because my daughter and his were having playdates and at one point considered themselves "best friends". ). now, all relationships are lost...i must say that i agree with the chap. wholeheartedly, i'm afraid. having learned from this, i will NEVER introduce my daughter to a potential mate...or his children...until there's darn near a ring on my finger (at my age, not likely). best of luck, though...and i encourage you to see it more for what it is, how complicated it can get, rather than an attempt for him to run in fear from "us". ps. our relationship would have been over a LOONG time ago, had the two of us not tried to work things out for the sake of our kids; however, and as i gently explained to my 4 year old, mommy needs to be happy, too!

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