Sucking during and after sex? chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: Sucking during and after sex?

cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 153 (view)

Sucking during and after sex? Posted: 11/9/2009 3:35:01 PM
I've NEVER seen a woman suck a guy clean in the middle of sex Never? Omg, at a guess I would have to assume that has to do with the "type" of women you go for/attract or both. Coz I've always found that to be pretty much the norm really Infact I would put that kind of nonsense where someone WOULDNT do something like that in the same bucket as men who wont kiss a woman after a BJ, women who wont kiss a man after hes gone down on her and men who wont go down on a woman after sex Usually the people who wont do those things have deep rooted issues they need to address that are stopping them fully relaxing during sex, which in turn means they will never have REALLY good sex as a result until they can fully relax and resolve their sexual issues For some non of that wont matter, but for anyone who is used to having sex with fairly grounded hang up free people its dullsville when you do come across one (Excuse the pun :) )

cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 163 (view)

What is sexy about FAT??? Posted: 11/9/2009 3:28:00 PM
As far as I'm concerned personally nothing whatsoever I niether like excessively fat nor excessively thin women Call me old fashioned, but I still have a hankering for a woman who looks like a woman whatever dress size she is. And not like either a beach ball nor a broom stave What I find half comical and half pathetic tho is that a LOT of the women who would chastise a man for not fancying fat women (usually fat ones for some unfathomable reason) wouldnt, under any circumstances date a man who was shorter than them lol Yet wouldnt obesity be FAR easier to fix than a shortness of hieght? The word "hippo"crit springs to mind :D

cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 606 (view)

do guys like the smell of a woman's natural vagina? Posted: 11/9/2009 3:24:36 PM
Depends on the woman really Some yeah, some nope the same as people will be attracted to some peoples pheremones and not anothers, male ejaculate and female excretions also carry a LOT of biological information that will subconciously influence how much you like or dislike the scent/taste of that person

cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 372 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/9/2009 3:20:40 PM
The words themselves mean nothing, what they imply however IS important For some they will just be trying (rather poorly) to tell potential applicants that they arent looking for someone to keep them in a manner theyre not YET accustomed to, that they arent a freeloading golddigger, or that they arent living on benefits and looking for a wallet But are looking for someone fairly equally self sufficient to get to know better But as spinosa said, no matter how thinly you slice it there are ALWAYS two sides, and others will be letting slip that theyre cold, emotionally detached, still screwed up from an ex, arent LOOKING to support someone who cant support themselves etc etc Sometimes its obvious to figure out which side of the fence someone falls on from their profile, othertimes its not So I have to admit that if I see more than two or three snippets of power feminist rhetoric in someones profile I would click next I accept sometimes I will be wrong in that assumption, but lifes too short to give every single person you ever encounter "a chance", infact that notion that we ought to is just ludicrous Personally it makes far more sense to click next at even the slightest hint of a possibly maybe red flag and ONLY bother with people where nothing at all causes alarm bells to tinkle in the slightest Even with some of those you will be horrendously mistaken, but why waste time with someone who right from the outset showed possible incompatibilities? The only reason I can think of is if someone has some mental disease that has them being addicted to being able to say "I knew I shouldnt have talked to this one" :\| Other red lights I avoid like the plague is people who say things like "If youre a liar or a cheat then jog on" Firstly, are they really so thick they think that would actually deter a liar or a cheat? REALLY? And secondly, because its a VERY good sign they have severe trust issues or unresolved issues from previous reltationships that really out to be sorted out before they will be in any fit and sane state to date anyone else

cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 49 (view)

omg that explains alot!! Posted: 11/9/2009 3:09:19 PM
Re this "committing" thing Most people who complain someone wont "commit" to them cant even describe what "committing" is They seem to miss the fact the person wants to see them, date them, spend time with them and nobody else But instead focus on a group of rather spurious and often quite insane "hoops" the person must jump through on queue otherwise they assume they arent "committing" They talk as tho theres some universal and unquestionable timeframe to the most inane "things" that is unequivicably "right" and as tho their time frame is absolute and everyone elses is "wrong" They will usually blather on about how the OTHER person wont compromise or accomodate their needs and wants, but by doing so show they are incapable of accepting anyone elses which is on the surface a very selfish/self absorbed mindset But scratch under the surface, and you find that most of the time the reason people NEED "stages", "levels". timeframes and all the other nonsese is insecurity or fear of a relationship actually working out.......and THEN failing You can rush or force these things to the finishing post, and why would you? Isnt is supposed to be about enjoying the journey? So why the urgency to end one phase and run desperately into the next? Its because to the insecure folks they see these things as "proof" of something, which considering the amount of divorces there, and marriage being the biggest "commitment" there is this piddly nonsense is meaningless really And then ofcourse there are the ones who are just looking for a reason either consciously or subconciously for all their relationships to end in a way they feel blameless So claiming someone didnt meet some imaginary and nonsensical stage in some prescribed timeframe is a cute excuse to fabricate when nothing more obvious presents itself I guess

cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

omg that explains alot!! Posted: 11/9/2009 3:00:00 PM
Every second of everyones life leading to this moment in time "influences" how they are know, and how they react in any given situation whether positively or negatively I honestly cant thing of anything that I wouldnt, in time, share with a significant potential long term partner. But can think of oodles of things I wouldnt share with ones I saw as transient dalliances So I honestly cant really think of a situation that matches your criteria to really take a stab at answering it from your paradigm really For all we know he might plan to tell you about it at "some point" in the future. If so then I cant really see any harm in you telling him you know about it Although how exactly you found out about it sounds as vague as the rest of the hypothetical so I guess its possible that the manner you found "it" out might be more of a relationship killer than the fact you know about "it" Relationships themselves arent complicated, quite the opposite infact People nowadays just seem to go out of their way to make them as complicated as they can it seems

cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 74 (view)

Would we have better relationships if looks REALLY didn't matter? Posted: 12/25/2008 12:31:54 AM
For anyone who isnt desperate enough to date just anyone For anyone who actually wants someone they can fancy as well as enjoy talking to them it wouldnt work no Why should anyone settle for anything less than someone they fancy AND who has a great personality? Anyway, someone you dont want to ravage isnt a partner, theyre called friends Bit obvious I thought

cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

On cheating... Posted: 12/25/2008 12:29:51 AM
I think the delusion that all men will cheat even if totally happy is pretty understandable really After all we live in a world where most people are incapable of being self aware, accepting their own flaws or seeing any reason to improve So for such people the ONLY possible explaination is that they were the mostest super duperist perfect partner who totally fulfilled their partner in every way but...... They STILL cheated Yeah right, that might be an easier perspective to live with, but lets face it, men dont cheat for any different to why women do it So cant any women be trusted either? Gee, thats sexist, misogynist even to say such a thing, yet women spout that kind of brainless, logic bereft drivel incessantly as tho its fact Your friend sounds like they've either had TWO lobotomies, or they just havent got the faintest idea about people

cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

A christmas thought.... Posted: 12/22/2008 4:38:24 PM
Traveller, a bit too simplistica a sentiment for my own situation really Not all alcoholics are staggering drunks, violent or any of the stereotypical things the media convinces the brainless sheep is ALWAYS the case, if you only have one glass of wine a day but HAVE to have that glass of wine youre an alcoholic, simple as Its merely an inability to take it or leave it In my example tho, being a child and therefore quite self absorbed as most kids are I resented everything that I saw as a negative, without the wisdom and insight to put it into perspective, balance my overall view by ALSO seeing the positves or being able to understand and accept the realities of living after being told you have six months to live. Can you imagine how THAT would feel? How it would feel to live knowing at any point you could take a turn for the worst and be dead within a month? Many people would fall apart, they WOULDNT soldier on and raise a child, And those are the things I was too focused the drinking to be able to see and value as a child because the resentment to the negatives were all I saw I dont however "beat myself up", I'd be lying if I said I dont regret the choices I made, and the fact "I" didnt need to choose between my mother and partner at all. The dispute was between them not me, and nor was it with my kids/her grandkids In hindsight I should have carried on as usual visiting her. Because at the end of the day how pathetic is a mother who would deny a grandmother seeing her kids anyway? Thats just using the kids as leverage and is wholly pathetic which nobody seems to have picked up on yet Can the mother give her kids those moments with their grandmother back after she died? Course not. But as we cant go back in time all we CAN do is remember our mistakes, as by doing so we are far less likely to make similar ones in the future, or the flip side of that "Lest we not forget the past or we will be forever doomed to repeat it"

cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 141 (view)

Why do women have sex and then complain about it? Posted: 12/22/2008 4:22:26 PM
Actually, the OP Women who have sex with men who have NOT proven their love for them How do you do that then? Is there somewhere you can buy "love certificates" from? Or do you have to go to sex court to "prove" your intentions before a jury of your pervs? (NOT a typo btw ) What a silly childish notion that is, to "prove" something as undefineable as "love", most people who claim theyre in love are really either just obsessed, desperately lonely, desperate for attention, intimacy or just plain old sex Each of those cause a release of chemicals in the brain depending on the persons mental health and level of desperation or "need" and its that chemical release that is then mistaken for love This is why these places have a plethora of people claiming to be "in love" with a new person every month or so, they get laid and then it conveniently falls apart and they do the "boo hoo I was used" nonsense. Then a month later when their libido needs another outlet they magically and conveniently fall "in love" with the next dumb sod who pays them some attention Yet they never seem to learn or break the pattern do they? Which is only the realm of lobotomised retards or people who are "feeling" what they need to feel in order to morally justify what they want to do without feeling like a "bad girl" should never turn around and complain about having been used This bit I actually agree with, once youre over 21 youre SUPPOSED to take responsibility for your own actions and decisions, its called being an adult SOOOO, IF you decide you want to hump someone then do it, if you dont want to then dont But to choose to do it and then bleat, whinge and whine about it as tho you didnt have a choice. Or to make out you were misled, deceived or such like and that you ONLY did it because you thought a relationship might start is just pathetic. There really isnt another word for it In life there are NO guarantees. Even if the man DOES want a relationship there are a million reasons why he might change his mind after the sex some related to it like you really need to do more pelvic floor exercises or leave the horses alone, or because once the make-up, push up bra, thigh, tummy and bum shaping knickers, false nails, false eyelashes, chicken fillets and tights come off you just dont look like he imagined you would based on the totally fabricated version he went out with There are also loads of non sexual reasons too, like something you said turned him cold, your views on something disgust him, and a zillion other reasons But lets face it, who really wants to be HONEST nowadays? Who is strong enough to accept that for whatever reason that you might never know he just didnt fancy you anymore. Obviously its far easier to live with the fantasy that all these men duped you But lets look at that shall we? When this (as it does) happens to the same person over and over how flippin thick are they? They never learn a thing, they dont even avoid having sex for a while and they always whinge like its the first time its happened like "oh golly me, how could I have seen that coming?" Sheesh! Personally I would rather just suck it up if I WAS so thick I didnt learn from mistakes, the last thing I would do is advertise to all and sundry how much of a complete idiot I am, how naive I am, how immature and unknowing when it comes to sex and relationships I am, how unwilling to accept any responsibility for my own actions and decisions I am etc etc ad infinitum Heres another thought, who WOULD want to carry on seeing someone that lacking in maturity and sexual self awareness? Ya dont think THATS why these men never want to see them again perhaps? Maybe they just want a partner who is as grown up as their body is perchancy? Reading some of these threads makes me wonder how it is that women have forgotten the power that they wield when it comes to relationships and love. This sort of nonsense is about as tedious a turn off as the whingey bunch, women who try to use sex as leverage, to get what they want, to control a situation or as a distaction are no more or less pathetic than the whiners This sort of goes hand in hand with the "prove your love" nonsense, as sex is deliberately witheld till they prove the unproveable. Which as much as people try to dress it up as some noble divine twaddle is nothing more than playing mind games, being manipulative and shock horror, trying to pressure someone into making hollow promises so they can "get some" which even if said genuinely cant be guaranteed not to change a day later anyway so whats the point? I see it more simply really, there are four states for sex 1 Someone wants to have sex and does FINE 2 Someone wants to have sex and doesnt FINE 3 Someone wants to have sex but for a variety of reasons chooses not to NOT FINE 4 Someone doesnt want to have sex, but does anyway for a variety of reasons NOT FINE In most cases whether the person is aware of it or not the last two are exampled of someone using sex as leverage, trying to be manipulative to get what they want More generally tho it shows a very limited and blinkered view of sex, a varying degree of closed mindedness or indotrinated views that are still there because the person is too much of a sheep to be themselves rather than doing "what other people think they should do" None of which is a very attractive aspect to a partner If a man can have you after the 3rd date or even the 3rd week of knowing you... why should he value u? Hang on, let me just recheck what century this is..... DAMN!, It IS still the 21st century pmsl That sentence once again shows sex being used to manipulate, its being described as a carrot albeit subtly veiled Basically the ONLY people who should be putting a value on sex is prostitutes, everyone else should be basing their decsion whether to have sex or not on whether they want to with that person After all, if you DO want to but dont youre being false, you arent being true to yourself, you arent being natural or spontaneous. What you are actually doing is opening the door for the rest of society to decide how YOU should conduct YOUR relationships This is further proven by the amount of couples who are married or are together after initially having a one night stand, starting off as FWB's, FCUK buddies, casual dalliances The world is full of couples who boinked on the first night, some within the first hour of meeting And similarly there are many who waited who are now separated or divorced, so wheres the magical illusive link between holding out and longevity? Basically there isnt one. Its just another layer of nonsensical smoke screen bandied about to try and justify and moralise being manipulative, false and trying to be controlling What someone SHOULD value is your personality your humour, your views, outlooks, attitudes, etc etc Sex is pretty significant when put next to either of those really, well, when you have or not is at least But sex itself IS part of compatibility too, so what numpty would be prepared to wait for ridiculous legnts of time before finding out if someone is sexually compatible? Would you wait a year to find out if you liked someones personality? Their humour? Their views and outlooks? Heck, even their political views? Course not! How silly would that be. And yet people try to say that sex, one of the most common reasons for couples to split when there are incompatibilities SHOULD be "held back" for silly legnts of time lol That sort of makes sense for two virgins or two kiddies, but for sexual adults who have boinked incessantly for decades its just teensy bit daft really And lets face it, life is VERY finite, so you would have to be just a tad dim to waste a year on someone without finding out whether you are sexually compatible, because if you arent that year is lost and could have been spent with someone who is compatible on ALL levels Obviously that doesnt apply to the frigid or the chronically repressed types of course as they are really "sexual" beings to begin with. But the rest of us are so its as important as any other aspect of a person that we are compatible sexually as well as personalitywise. But shock horror, whether its after an hour, a day, a week or a month doesnt matter, it doesnt alter how we view you, thats decided by getting to know you on ALL levels and not simply based on the timeframe before you get your kit off Obviously the insecure narrow minded blokes WILL judge you based on that, but isnt that a good thing? How desperate would you have to be to date a bloke like that anyway? So its better to know now if a man is like that rather than waste any more time than needed on them surely?

cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

A christmas thought.... Posted: 12/22/2008 5:47:09 AM
Well its that time of year again. And flip me, it only seems like 12 months or so since it was christmas last time..... Anyway, if you're not a fan of threads longer than a couple of lines or have the attention span/mental capacity of a goldfish then this is where you click back onto the main page For those left I'd like to share an experience. Firsly some background. I was raised purely by my mother and had/have no other family I am aware of. Since I was born she had been diagnosed with cervical cancer which spread quite slowly throughout her body. From as long as I can remember she had been an alcoholic, something that I had a great disdain for whilst growing up amongst other issues I had with her as a parent. When I was an adult myself with a greater understanding of life and what it must have been like living with a terminal illness for over three decades despite being given just 6 months to live after one decade as well as a greater understanding of many of the other pressures she'd been under for all those years as if that wasnt enough Although I had a turnaround on my perceptions of so many things I'd been very critical about there never seemed to be a right time to apologise to her, explain I now realised I'd been unfair to her as a child and had been far too focused on the negatives to see all the positives and good things she'd done whilst raising me, but as with so many things theres always tomorrow right? Anyway, about 7-8 years ago whilst I was still with my ex. My mother and her had a disagreement and severe fall out. My view had always been that my partner and kids should come first. Before friends, even before family as they were MY family and should therefore tale precedence above all else (a view I realise will be alien to so many nowadays as a vast amount of people seem to put pretty much everything before partners nowadays) So, purely out of ease for myself and a quiet home life I sided with my ex and also didnt see my mum for perhaps 2 years or more to avoid my ex whinging about it when I did (so no noble reasons really, just applying the aforementioned view far too literally because it was easier than not doing so) I assumed that over time they would sort it out and things woul d be back to normal Anyway, I got a phonecall saying my mum was in hospital after a fall, by the time I arrived which was less than half an hour she had died The infinitely resident downside of that is that the vast catalogue of things I needed to say to her couldnt be spoken now. That because of a stupid decision based on far too simplistically applied ideals and ease I never got the chance to tell her I was sorry for being such an ungrateful and sometimes cutting and ungrateful child. I never got the chance to tell her how much I DID appreciate all she had done, all she had battled with and all she had sacrificed for me. I had, for my own selfish reasons denied her from seeing her two grandchildren for the last two years of her life, and them two years of seeing their grandmother. And I'd not got a chance to tell her that despite how it might have seemed for so many years whilst growing up and for the previous two years that I did love her more than she could possibly have realised from my actions and choices But she was dead and all of those things would have to stay unsaid and with that guilt as well as the guilt for how I had been towards her I would be a lifelong room mate thereafter So whats the point of all this? Well, its christmas. Its a time for family and friends. Its also the ideal excuse to use where pride is stopping someone from rebuilding a bridge with someone. Many people have friends, family and other forms of dear acquaintences that for one reason or another they have fallen out with. And as most of you will realise. The longer such things stay as they are the harder it gets to try and be the first to try and fix the problem. Also, we are often guilty of hollow pride. Of seeing "who makes the first move" as being important, almost a competition of wills But in the grand scheme of things, the final analysis its irrelevant really. And by far the bigger person is the one who CAN put their pride and self image aside and offer an olive branch So heres the relevance. Is there someone that you arent talking to where, should they drop dead tomorrow you would be left wishing you had at least tried to re establish contact with them, where you have things you need or want to make right, apologise for, ask about or clarify but have been endlessly putting off until "tomorrow"? Well the problem with that is that eventually you run out of tomorrows, and then youre left with all of your tomorrows never being able to fix anything with the situtation as I did with my mum So cast a thought about what I have said, think about how you would feel in the same scenario with someone you arent talking to. And if it doesnt feel like a nice thought to lose any chance of reconcilliation then use the holiday as an excuse for being the bigger and stronger one of the two of you Success or failure will make you feel better because at least then you can say you HAVE tried to rebuild that bridge if the chance of doing so ever vanishes completely, but theres a good chance that you might succeed What have you got to lose really? Merry christmas one and all

cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 83 (view)

Why do women have sex and then complain about it? Posted: 12/22/2008 5:45:26 AM
Actually sex ISNT the most intimate act two people can do, talking is There is NOTHING more intimate than sharing your deepest feelings, thoughts, hopes dreams and fears with someone and them sharing theirs with you Sex is always less intimate than that, and how intimate it really is depends on the person, their view of sex and how close to the person they are to begin with After all, most people whether they will admit it or not have just shagged someone with no real intimacy or closeness at all, but purely to sate sexual needs which completely negates the "sex is the most intimate...blah blah" nonsense

cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 81 (view)

Why do women have sex and then complain about it? Posted: 12/22/2008 5:41:43 AM
Its self delusion Those types will ignore anything that they dont want to hear but WILL hear things they DO want to hear even if its never been said They wont ask questions they KNOW they should ask, but instead will "assume" what the answers might have been, then internalise it as tho it WAS actually asked and answered This means they can twist reality to make the situation seem as they NEED to see it, in order to facilitate what they want, but cant even admit to themselves they want (basically sex, intimacy, physical contact) What this means is they can claim they ONLY ever sleep with people they love or are having a relationship with, even tho they are subconciously fabricating, imagining or inventing the "love" and "relationship" sometimes as quickly as a few emails The reason is societies double standards and stigmas Its still subtly implied that men ONLY want "good girls" for a long term relationship, and that women who can maturely satisfy their physical needs in between serious relationships ARENT seen as good girls by ALL men So by doing this bit of self delusion they can A. Fabricate an imagined "relationship" B. Imagine the other person has said quite clearly they are looking for a relationship too C. Get laid D. Feign shock and horror when it tuens out the man DOESNT consider theyre engaged after having sex E. Walk away claiming they were decieved and tricked into bed F, Start the whole (hole?) process all over again next time they have an "itch" that needs scratching Back here in the grown up world however a few very simplistic truths apply 1. Theres nothing wrong with making a mistake, its how we learn. There is however a LOT wrong with making the same mistake twice. But there is something quite deliberate about making the exact same mistake over and over again (unless of course youre retarded in which case you shouldnt even be out dating without your carer present) 2. We, and nobody else is responsible for our choices and actions. Unless someone puts a gun against your head and says "shag me or else" then YOU made that choice, YOU are responsible for participating and ONLY you are to blame if you dont get what you want out of the activity 3. If you ARENT mature and evolved enough to have sex when and if you want to, with someone you want to have sex with UNLESS they are prepared to promise a long term relationship then wait till you get married, or until you've been seeing someone for weeks, months or even years. If YOU choose to not do either of those things however then be a grown up and accept YOU made that choice and nobody else

cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

What do women mean when they say Lets Take it Slow? Posted: 12/22/2008 5:28:53 AM
Well "women" mean a variety of things by it as theyre as varied and different as men are so nothing any PERSON does is ever done for the exact same reason as everyone else of their gender or even either gender Common things that I have come across either from personal experience or the experience of friends, family and couples I've counselled tho are these "I want to take it slow" 1. I dont really like you much at all, but I'm not happy being single and you will do till something better comes along. So obviously I will try and drag out having sex for as long as possible hoping that a better partner comes along before I have to put out 2. I dont really like you, but enjoy being wined, dined and dated. So I will say I want to take it slow so it takes you as long as possible to get bored, see no future between us and move on 3. I'm not very emotionally stable, I still have more issues than a coach load of psychiatrists could fix and arent ready for dating. But I'm also desperate for love and attention and to have a "someone" an "anyone" rather than being on my own and having to think about my past mistakes and learning from them 4. I have trouble with trust and most of all dont trust my own instincts and judgement, so I will need a ridiculous amount of time before I will be able to gradually overcome my paranoia and other issues and feel able to be emotionally and physically close to you 5. I'm just being a bit cautious as I've made far too many bad choices in the past and havent really learnt much from them 6. Most of my ex's have been "finished" before I was even warmed up, so lets keep the pace slower and make the duracell shares plummet eh?

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

At what point do you accept a date off here or any dating site? Posted: 4/8/2008 5:32:02 AM
When I can be sure the person isnt a totally emotionally unstable delusional nutjob So in most cases very rarely lol

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

exclusive agreement in UK too? Posted: 4/8/2008 5:31:02 AM
And yet discussing matters with her is often the only way you'd know she had a different view so you could make that decision Guessing and assuming doesnt quite cut it really

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

exclusive agreement in UK too? Posted: 4/6/2008 4:41:24 PM
I cant see how its a minefield at all really, I've never once had any confusion with anyone I've ever seen whether it was as a fcuk buddy, casual but monogamous kinda thing, FWB or a fully fledged partner Admittedly I havent been lied to, but perhaps thats just to do with being selective and not rushing into something after a few mails like some seem to on places like this as for Ask and you're a bunny boiler, trying to tie down some poor bloke; don't ask and don't be surprised when you find that you weren't on the same page. Well each man can ONLY have one or other of those views so how is it confusing? As with anything its a choice, if you dont mind seeing someone who is seeing other people then dont ask, just assume everything you ought to ask and see how that works out for ya If you are more worried about seeming like a bunny boiler then knowing where you stand with someone then again, dont ask But if you dont ask youre not really in any position to whinge and whine about it afterwards If you have and they lied then you are and you can rest in the knowledge that you made as sure as you could do that you were on the same page, which is the best anyone can claim Isnt getting to know someone part of dating? As for the exclusivity thing, that SHOULD in a sane grown up world be one of the very first things you find out, before even meeting them really because if you dont match on that then why even bother? I really do find it laughable that supposed grown ups would even try to defend assumption as a reasonable and emotionally stable way to conduct a relationship really Unless of course they DONT want a relationship but merely sex Because then they might not be able to get the sex if they did ask such questions and got the wrong answer But, if they just "assume" the answers they need to have, get laid and then afterwards need an "out" they can claim they were deceived and played and act all naive and wholesome and nice et al Quite clever really when you think about it

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 869 (view)

can you trust some one once they cheat? Posted: 4/6/2008 4:25:20 PM
"Okay, lack of sex in a relationship for years and you're still there? You'd choose to cheat rather than just leave a bad relationship? Sounds like someone is dense, but not the person who was cheated on. " Erm, but just a little bit back you said if you love them stay and work it out So what if the person still wanting sex does love them? If their partner wont budge they ARE working it out But once again, its a long list of betrayals in many areas that usually leads a relationship to the place one person does cheat Trying to ignore that and view the cheating as tho its a totally separate entity is whats really dense And if the victim thinks sooooo little of their partner even before they cheat that they do constantly bombard them with THEIR betrayals why are they so dense they dont leave? Why dont the people who were such crappy partners their relationship became sooooo bad their partner cheated "own" that? Seems all they want to do is totally ignore anything before the cheating and just witter and whine on about that lol And people who have been cheated on several times? Well lordy me how bad a partner must THEY be if they drive so many people to feeling the need to cheat on them? And re the "if they cheat they will do it again" At least cheaters will often own what they did, feel bad about it, regret it etc But crap selfish partners they cheated on? Well most of them tend to be in denial and talk as tho they were perfect super duper partners dont they So theyre far less likely to improve than a cheater is really So if someone is a crappy partner and got cheated on, then you can pretty much be certain they will be a crappy partner again really Coz you rarely see them even entertaining the thought they could possibly have been anything but perfect Thing is tho, nobody cheats on perfection, imperfection however? Happens all the time........

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

exclusive agreement in UK too? Posted: 4/5/2008 6:22:25 PM
Theres still a hell of a lot of assuming, and signs, and signifying or if x does this I think means this, if we kiss it means,,,,,,,if we shag it means......... if blah blah blah No wonder so many are on here like blitering idiots wittering on about all the players and cheats and nasty folksies etc etc, has talking and discussing become untrendy? If you assume someone kissing you or sleeping with you or doing ANYTHING means youre exclusive and then find out thats not their view then more fool you If you cant be bothered to ask then you really dont have the right to whinge and whine about it really And anyway, if you cant even manage to talk about something as important and integral as exclusivity then what kind of dysfunctional relationship would it have been anyway? Too many people seem to wander round with some moronic self important idea that whatever they think is a universal law, that nobody could POSSIBLY have a different view on the matter as tho theres only maybe one or two viable stances on the topic so theres no need to discuss it, you just assume assume assume when whatever the eroneous nonsensical sign or action occurs that youre now magically psychicly in agreement that its exclusive Flipping hell, I dont even consider something a relationship until its been discussed and agreed that the view of both people and thats always after sex has occured because how on earth can someone decide they want a relationship if they dont even know theyre sexually compatible?? Thats a bit like agreeing to buy a house without seeing the inside or asking how many bedrooms it has lol Dating isnt "this" or "that", there isnt an EU directive or some universal script or laws, its whatever it is to EACH person, so perhaps, just maybe just learning the art of mature adult conversation well enough to find out what the other persons views, expectations and behaviours are where dating is concerned might be a thought before you even think of graduating all the way up to the exclusivity topic I despair I really do, I thought it was only merlin who aged backwards

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 124 (view)

How and why did you join POF.. Posted: 4/5/2008 8:12:09 AM
Message boards primarily Chat with sane interesting people second Chat with totally emotionally unstable nutjobs for the amusement factor third And thats it really, I'm not desperate enough, lonely enough or unhappy with my own company to seek out "dating" or a partner Either one pops up or they dont, either is fine

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

exclusive agreement in UK too? Posted: 4/5/2008 8:06:46 AM
I cant understand ANYONE who takes anything for granted based on assumption Its even more comical when the same person claims to be mature, communicative, open and honest as well as being laid back, tolerant, open to and aware of different cultures You'd have to have been a recluse all of your life to have not noticed that there are an infinity of different views and opinions on everything really which also includes dating, relationships and sex Sometimes tho people dont ask the questions they think the answers to which might mean they are morally obligated to go no further with that person, so they put off asking anything that might make them have to be honest with themselves about what they are there for till its done and then can feel all wholesome and good when they splurge out the faux shock at realising the other person doesnt want to marry them and live happily ever after following their whirlwind three emails and one meet up As an adult I prefer to never assume anything except that I dont know what someones views are on something UNTIL I ask So if its something relevant or important I just ask Radical and ridiculous I know, but hey, I cant help being a weirdo freak with a whacky outlook can I? Basically I think if youre not mature enough to discuss something then you definitely arent mature enough to be doing it, although as its a bit ridiculous to expect to "know" what you can envisage with someone before you even know them the best you can hope for is making sure they arent specifically looking for something you arent Then if theres enough common ground on the remaining options you continue Simple Sorted

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 833 (view)

can you trust some one once they cheat? Posted: 4/5/2008 2:05:38 AM
Sharzi (ooh and soz about not referencing the post earlier, there werent any more after yours when I started typing, and when I realised others were there someone had posted after and I couldnt update it lol) Anyway, the scenario you paint is a common one. But also not a surprising one. People who can, claim, or think they have fallen in love so quickly rarely have for one and are most of the time still not totally over an previous relationship and subconciously hype up what they are having either to morally be able to allow themselves to rush to the intimate parts (usually women, coz "good girls dont fcuk" (unless they can pretend its love o course)) or because of self doubts and the fear it has to go from 0-love in 3.2 seconds or someone else will snap up their prey Its also not really enough information to form any opinions of any validity on. Even when a dalliance is, or could be "all that" someone HAS to be ready and able to cope with that. Many people carry lingering doubts after a failed relationship that dont come to the surface till they meet someone else that either they dont want to lose or that they could see themselves getting SOOOO into that if they did lose them later on it would hurt more than anything before ever had So people can become almost schitzophrenic, consciously they most definitely want the relationship to work, but subconciously if they are still having negative expectations because of too fresh and recent failures about ANY relationship and as much as they consciously try, subconciously they are trying as hard as they can to screw it up and not just mildly, but in a way that they could most probably never be able to undo and cheating is one of the common self destructive "outs" This is because most people wont consider retrying after it It also makes screwing it up easier to live with as a reason for failure because making a mistake is easier to handle than not making one, doing your absolute best, BUT, still not being enough for someone you really want to be with because that outcome is soul destroying and will decimate someones self image to the core So its often a combination of them seeking to punish themselves or to find a less painful and permanent but "safe" way out as a means of damage limitation ie, it will hurt much less now than in 6 months As for not feeling anything, even that isnt known. Men are raised to believe we shouldnt have let alone show feelings because its girlie. Some control them till alone, some arent even aware they CAN feel as they have become so used to and adept at supressing them almost from the moment of inception In situations like yours if caught early enough the only real way to see if it can work is to end it the moment its realied that such intensity so early on is insane and therefore most probably a sign that something isnt right, and most usually thats the timing for the people involved or their outlooks So you back off, limit contact and force it to move forward more slowly and at a pace that doesnt feel scary allowing each level of feelings to have adequate time to be gotten used to without panic setting in which also helps with people trusting it could maybe possibly last so you get somewhere wortwhile in a much saner time frame and via a much saner path But people want mills and boon, people want intense passion, and even people who KNOW its rarely what they try REALLY hard to pretend its going to be still seem to want to rush full speed ahead without any common sense, control, grounding or balance and then complain when it ever so ever so predictably shakes itself to bits So personally I'd suggest just seeing it as a very memorable and intense experiene that really shouldnt have been allowed to build up so fast and recklessly and that was by virtue of its rapid intensity being love not lust being all the warning signs you needed that the timing wasnt right for either of you and try to learn THOSE lessons instead

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 253 (view)

sex on the first date Posted: 4/4/2008 1:11:01 PM
Message 251 If a woman wants to win my heart, do not sleep with me immediately. If I was to have sex with a women on a first date, I will enjoy it, but I am almost certain not to want to date her because she was simply too easy. And therein lies the reason so many women act like total nutjobs over this topic Firstly WHY sleep with them? Why not say, sorry but I want to still like you so I cant? Or how about saying, I think youre very attractive but I'm not that kind of guy, or even I want to respect myself in the morning? Secondly why doesnt it make YOU unworthy to date? YOU slept with her too, its not a unilateral action is it? That kind of view is sooooo playground its hard to believe anyone over 14 could have the gaul to express it seriously rather than as tongue in cheek humour really And we wonder why women are so paranoid and so mentally unbalanced they have to live a life of pretence and manipulation rather than just being themselves lol, JEEZ!! Men are hunters, I enjoy the chase, and the longer it goes on, the greater the respect and the more likely you will win my heart And you still live in a cave, never wash and grunt instead of talking too then yeah? But that translated into english reads "I'm soooo insecure about myself that I need women to act all placcid so I can "conquer" then, coz without those ego boosts I would curl up and cry myself to death" Personally I would much rather spend time with a woman who equally wants to spend time with me, so no "hunting" is required, or its mutual and equal. Its amazing how many men and women CLAIM to not want mind games, deception and pretence but waffle on about stuff like this as tho its NOT all of those,,,, DUH Think of how much fun and excitement there is in the flirting, innuendos, and the courtship. The testing of will power can be a delightful experience. When, and if the moment takes place, it can be grander. And WOW, just think about what it would be like if you ever evolve and mature, having ALL that AND the woman also doing it equally in return Its twice as much fun Just not as ego massaging obviously

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 159 (view)

is sex something a woman offers in a relationship? Posted: 4/4/2008 1:01:26 PM
This is a concept thats so ingrained in our culture and has been nudged even further into the realms of nonsensical undertones since the advent of feminism Driving factors behind the mindset started waaaaaay back when women were "traded" as possessions and were married off for dowries (sp?) or to cement families financial ties and even as political leverage by royals As the society was patriarchal men set not only the rules but what was acceptable and important which was also tainted by their ego and insecurities. As such virginity was highly prized as it still is in many cultures, and although its fine for men to have slept around before marriage a woman who isnt a virgin is classed as "damaged goods" Whizzing forward a long way to the latter half of last century we had feminism appear to redress this inbalance, but in doing so gave a voice and power to the radical and non hetrosexual fringe elements who although only a minority stayed with the cause long after most hetro women had what they thought was fair and kept pushing and influencing the tone of feminism to the point where many women nowadays dissassociate themselves with the term and even the movement even tho they still strive for some equality in some areas The virginity element was the foundation for sexual inbalance, and that was then cemented by women being expected to be placid and subservient so where sex was concerned it was socially accepted that men "took" sex or as still used to day "had" sex Feminism then cemented that notion even as women were being pursuaded to be liberated with such gems as "all hetro sexual sex is rape" and "all men are rapists awaiting an oppotunity and we cant forget the age old classic that "marriage is legalised enslavement of women and turns them into a cut price prostitute for life" Infact it was only in the last decade I believe that it became illegal to rape a wife. So until then women had two choices if stuck with an arsehole for a partner, "give" him sex when he wants it or he could "take" it. And obviously for a woman who "wanted" sex even nowadays the stigmas and spoutings of insecure men are there Now despite the feminist portrayal in the 70's and 80s that nearly ALL marriages were rife with rape the real truth is that because the men controlled and earned the money womens only bargaining chip was sex which was the tongue in cheek basis for the endless amount of jokes about not "getting it" if you upset the Mrs and the many variants along those lines Even in our so called liberated times now most women still, even if subconciously use sex as a carrot/stick tool or for leverage in a relationship. Infact in dating its not uncommon for women to use terminology like "make him wait", as well as the accepted and copitulated format of touching, romantic or just nice gestures leading to sex with a woman. But how often do women do any of that to "get" sex from a man? So as much as women might claim sex isnt used as a tool and as much as they arent even doing it consciously it is an indoctrinated aspect of our society that isnt likely to vanish anytime soon With more women working and earning money comparable to a mans wage the need for this isnt so prevalent and i would hope less do it. But its also still not uncommon for women who earn twice or more that of a partner to still expect to be wined and dined nonetheless and to cherry pick and selectively ignore aspects of equality as and when it suits them But until more men arent so pathetically insecure about women with voracious sexual apetites and imaginations and can handle women who are as overtly and directly sexual as they are then women the world over will continue to act faux wholesome, faux "nice" and will continue to withhold sex even if they are dying to have it to seem like partner material and will continue to make men jump through a collection of nonsensical hoops and tests to "earn" it so they dont seem "easy" And more fool the men who actually help perpetuate the outdated nonsense either by their own insecurity and inability to cope with a sexually aware and comfortable woman or by continuing to play along with the manipulative mind games the women who are using sex as a bargaining chip ask of them Its no wonder we as a nation have some of the most antiquated views on prostitution Because if prostitution became legal and accepted socially as no big deal it would remove much of the willingness for men to put up with the curret dating game nonsense and they would then be looking for a more equal and balanced type of relationship which would leave women having to attract men with their personality once the lure and carrot of sex was marginalised to a more evolved and mature level

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 247 (view)

sex on the first date Posted: 4/3/2008 2:48:38 PM
And obviously none of the ones where you have waited worked out either So I guess you dont do that either yeah? Which leaves what exactly? Thing is, anyone who thinks these things dont work out purely because of something so trivial really isnt likely to ever make a relationship work coz they obviously dont have the faintest idea about them to begin with if they can think something like that has so much long term relevance Whats far more integral is someone being true to themselves on all levels whether thats having sex so early or not doing so, doing anything except being true to themselves, putting on false airs and psuedo wholesomeness to try and be liked and the rest of the unreal manipulations are far more likely to be an actual cause for something going wrong later on As long as its for the right reasons I really dont think whether someone does or doesnt matters But doing it or not doing it for the wrong ones is more than enough reason to not bother with them again as its most probably a good sign that pretence and falseness for effect and manipulating an outcome will be a common theme with them

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 828 (view)

can you trust some one once they cheat? Posted: 4/3/2008 10:08:54 AM
And yet you conveniently chose to not see/copy/paste Well my main memorty of the entire occurence was seeing tears in the eyes of the woman I loved and knowing I'd put them there, even writing about that now 6 years on I'm fighting back the urge to blub like a baby and can feel exactly how I felt at that moment, a feeling that I will probably never forget infact Odd that really considering it is saying what you claim was SOOOOO significant Because even with your version the ONLY way that would be even the tiniest bit relevance is if the person who did it FELT bad about the feelings they'd caused in that person And the feelings I was talking about were a direct result of how she felt, otherwise there wouldnt have been any feeling for me to not want to feel again would there? So as much as I can see what you were trying to say I think the two dimensional way you chose to interpret what was written lends more to what your views are than the more open minded ones you claimed to hold if that makes sense And at the end of the day we can ONLY truly know our own feelings, so it is them that psychologically anchors us to lessens learnt after all making them as relevant to us and reminders of the things that caused them which in this case was the realisation of the aftermath of my actions

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

People That Cant Spell Their Own Professions !! Posted: 4/3/2008 1:47:55 AM
Theres someone claiming to be a lawyer or something legally related that I spoke to once who has the grammar of an illiterate teenager, the writing style of an intellectually impaired person, the wit of a brick and the humour and insight of a carrot So me thinketh the lady is delusional Although on a funnier note I can never remember whether theres one or two F's in profession/proffession lol Skulks off in shame......

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 816 (view)

can you trust some one once they cheat? Posted: 4/3/2008 1:29:05 AM
In all the 33 pages of this thread not one person has cheated and all have be cheated on. So we can all trust the ones on here, huh? I think you will find you were reading very selectively there and seeing what you wanted to see Assumption assumption assumption lol, you DO know what they say about assumptions dont ya? lol Most as I recall didnt comment on whether they have cheated or been cheated on but simply expressed their views on cheating and the chances of reocurrence actually as personal experience is not only irrelevant when expressing a view, but in many cases having had experience, especially if still fresh and the cause of unresolved issues and undealt with feelings makes people answer with an emotional vitriolic outburst and no reason, measure, balance or common sense But as you seem to think its "important" most of my comments were objective ones based on years of counselling couples where infidelity in a variety of situations and reasons where most bought into the "once a cheater always a cheater" mantra, most were convinced they were perfect partners who never contributed to the relationship breaking down to that level and where most were wrong on both counts But me personally? Yeah I've been cheated on.I was with the mother of my kids for 16 years from when I was 19 and she was 15, when she was 16 we fell madly and totally into.........parenthood and made the stupid mistake of staying together and trying to make a go of it for that reason even tho we would probably have not lasted 6 months together had that not happened We were unfortunate enough to be able to live comfortably together without too many fall outs and treating each other with respect etc and each getting on with our roles but there was never any love, passion or infatuation, just civility, fun and lust which isnt a good or solid basis for a relationship. So as soon as we hit a rocky period and as she was approaching 30 (seems the common age for female midlife crisis that does lol) she started to feel disenamoured with her lot and set out on an 18 month binge of sex with random strangers on nights out with friends who all covered for her notching up a count she couldnt state exactly but that she reckoned was well over a hundred Am I bitter? Hell, at the time I was thoroughly devastated as she was allergic to condoms for one and had been having unprotected sex much of the time whilst still sleeping with me Would I have forgiven her? No, I dont think this kind of topic is about forgiveness, its about the ability to move on What it did do was highlight what was wrong with the relationship, how we had both been lacking as partners to the other and what would have been needed to be fixed by both of us for it to have been fixed and made stronger So I COULD have worked through it if there had been reason to But it also made us realise that we had never loved each other, so there was no point and we agreed to separate amicably and she moved out six months after that Now during that time I hadnt exactly been blissfully happy either, I'd had chances to cheat several time with women who outclassed my ex in every single way, once infact the direct nature of the offers were so bad I had to have a woman who worked for me moved to another department but not once did I cheat purely because of the views I had on cheating However, after that had ended I did have my first, and only relationship based on love, someone whom the feelings and their intensity for where so intense and more than anything I'd ever felt for anyone ever before in my life I struggled to handle it. doubted it and questioned it almost to the point of breaking it And I cheated Not simply because I could, not just because it was on offer, infact not for any reason I can really define other than doubts, thoughts and fears I had at the time and my own lack of experience of feeling that way and not even for the sex itself as I already had more of that that I could want with the original woman If anything I think I was in some idiotic way "testing" my feelings, seeing if they were real and not delusionary infatuation to avoid "wasting" (as it had felt with my ex) more years of my life on something that I thought was "it" but which would turn out not to be I also think it was on a subconcious level due to still having issues re the break up with the ex and assuming "ending" was the only outcome, but knowing this one would REALLY hurt when it ended, and more so the longer it lasted if that makes sense, self destruction as a form of damage limitation And I also had a strong sense of self recrimination for not being able to give my kids a two parent upbringing and was most probably on a self punishment trip and subconciously wanting to deny myself any real enjoyment or happiness Anyway, I got caught, it ended, carried on for another two years on and off but was terminally broken after I cheated so the end was inevitable Ironically it did answer the question, I found out that I really did love her lol, which you have to sort of see the humour in as dark as it is. But I broke her heart as she'd also never felt that way about anyone before, never been so vulnerable (previously she'd been a pretty cold ball breaker by all accounts) and had never trusted anyone so completely or undoubtingly So, how does that fit into the two dimensional simpletons "view"? I had literally hundreds of chances to cheat when with a partner I didnt love and where it was "ok" but far from perfect, but I refused on EVERY account and in ALL circumstances I did however cheat on someone I loved A year after, and whilst not fully having dealt with the end of a 16 year break up, which also followed the death of my mother a year earlier at the same time I lost my job and was struggling to find another during the IT jobs crash after 9/11, I was full of self doubt, self recrimination and even self loathing to an extent So am I now a "cheater"? Does that now define me in relationship terms? As such am I now predisposed to cheat? Am I now "untrustable"? Well my main memorty of the entire occurence was seeing tears in the eyes of the woman I loved and knowing I'd put them there, even writing about that now 6 years on I'm fighting back the urge to blub like a baby and can feel exactly how I felt at that moment, a feeling that I will probably never forget infact So no, I dont think that does now define me as a person because I never want to feel that way again as long as I live as the one memory of it is bad enough That doesnt mean I would resent anyone who wouldnt trust me because I've cheated, it would infact be doing me a huge favour by letting me know they are so inherently narrow minded, cliche driven and lacking in insight and wisdom into the diversity and complexity of people that dating that person would have been a huge mistake anyway If someone didnt or couldnt trust me, when, as I feel I owe a new partner I "fess up" then I dont think that would be based on the context or me as a person. Its only because of their own unresolved issues, fears, insecurities and self doubts So it would be a lucky escape really I COULD of course just lie, tell them about how I didnt cheat on my first ex through all those years and despite never feeling totally fulfilled Gee, to you two dimensional folksies how "trustable" would THAT make me? VERY eh? And thats EXACTLY what many people DO do, simply because of all the narrow minded paranoid types who would never give them a chance Personally tho I've already wasted enougb years on relationships I shouldnt have even been having so I'd rather be alone than with someone because of lies and omissions, and moreover I'd much rather be with someone who loved me because of who I am and have been, all of it including my indiscretions during the lowest part of my life thus far Yeah it sucks that although I never would have cheated on the second woman ever again I couldnt no matter what I did or said win back her trust or totally vanquish her dounts, insecurities and fears of repetition, but thats life, and I can hardly whinge about it being "unfair" even tho thats how it felt, because I did cheat on her and got what I probably deserved as a result But that also doesnt make her decision "right", it was merely the safer choice, the one with no risks and no chances to take And if niether of us ever get to feel that intensely for anyone else ever again then its the sad outcome that we couldnt manage to rekindle that as a result of my actions So theres some "context" to attach to the views youre reading, I hope it adds a few more dimensions and colour to it Mike

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 245 (view)

sex on the first date Posted: 4/2/2008 5:45:49 AM
I have to agree to some extent with Afoxtotrot If you meet someone you have been talking to for a while on here, msn and on the phone then you probably (if it all turns out to be true) know them far better than people would having only had a few more conventional dates from not knowing them at all As for the most intimate thing two people can do thats not sex at all, its talking completely openly and honestly with someone without any barriers or defences in play and sharing your deepest and most private thoughts, experiences and hopes Compared to that sex is as intimate as shaking hands really You tend to find the quick shag on a sunday morning making up an entire sex life brigade are the ones pushing the intimacy angle really or those who have desire but also have a lifetime of stereotypical brainwashing they cant resolve which causes them to pedestalise sex As for the "it doesnt work out when you do" brigade 90% of ALL relationships dont work out lol People just cling to the ones where they had sex and use that as the excuse it didnt work out because thats easier than accepting what is moreoften the truth that it was simply that as the person got to know them better they werent interested, that the sex itself wasnt very good or that they didnt find them sexy enough once they were nekkid to want to see them long term All of which would have happened whether they had sex or not on the first date anyway or whenever they DID have sex even if it was months later And they will also conveniently forget the times they didnt have sex on the first date and it STILL didnt work out (although then they find it easier to pretend that was because they DIDNT have sex lol) And yet there are droves of couples whos longest lasting and most serious and intense relationships started where they had sex on a first date, but obviously to maintain the delusion they want to create the other lot have to ignore all of those even if its also happened to them so they can continue pushing their super duper morals and wholesomeness to future potential partners of course I sometimes wonder how many women "hold out" even if they really want to have sex with someone just to get a few more meals and nights out being honest because theres a hell of a lot that talk on subjects like this in a very flat calculated manner with no decent reasoning other than naff inane sound bites to back it up with But however you try to dress it up in a delusionary fashion if you WANT to have sex with someone but dont to try and up the chances they will like you OR you DONT want to and DO have sex for the same reasons youre playing manipulative mind games And someones propensity to be manipulative is a far more likely reason someone wont want to see you again than whether you had sex with them or not as many if not most genuinely mature grown ups accept sex is just a part of the dating game and is as much part of compatibility and getting to know someone as exploring their personality is And people being completely issue ridden nutjobs on these places is still a far more common reason for not wanting to see someone again than because they (shock horror_ had sex with you after a legnthy build up to meeting them Infact in some ways, and where both people have mature "this millenia" views on sex its actually better in some ways to get it out of the way if someone is a serious long term potential as it removes a lot of the tension and other nonsense so you can get donw to being totally relaxed with each other and get on with the far more important task of getting to really know them And for women perhaps its also a good way to make sure someone doesnt have idiotic views of what it means if a woman has sex early on because what desperate muppet would want to waste more of their time than they need to on someone who has such stupid and judgemental outdated views on women and sexuality anyway? The discussions on topics like this tend to sound like a group of 14 year old virgins discussing the subject, not allegef mature adults with common sense who could probably write a book on sex even tho for many of them it would probably be a cure for insomnia it seems

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 801 (view)

can you trust some one once they cheat? Posted: 4/2/2008 5:24:07 AM
Some times a person gives a 100% and it isnt enough, their spouse or significent other is simply put, always looking for better or wanting their cake and eating it too. I can look in the mirror every morning with a clear heart and know I gave my all. My ex cannot. Yeah SOME times I'd imagine, but in over 5 years of counselling quite literally thousands of couples and 20 years of friends having relationship problems I've yet to encounter a single couple where blame wasnt shared for the relationship being utter pants Of course on the flip side tho, perhaps as much as 80% of those had the person who was cheated on talking as tho they were a totally perfect super duper partner in every way Go figure lol Fact of the matter is that people DONT cheat on "perfect" partners, perfect is just that They do cheat on non ideal ones tho, unsuitable ones, dull ones, incompatible ones, ones who should never have been a partner to begin with, ones that are inflexible, ones that are more concerned about their own wants, ones that want to be heard but never want to listen, ones with princess syndrome or other ego related issues, insecure ones, ones that are never satisfied with anything their partner does, ones who get so caught up in work, hobbies and mates theres no energy or time left over and countless other types of partner Most of whom think they were just totally super duper peachy pefect and werent in anyway responsible for their relationship failing As for fixing things, the majorative norm isnt that people just wake up one day and go cheat. Most of the time they have day after day, week after week tried to talk about what was making them unhappy and what they would like changed only to be met with ignorance, being listened to but nothing changing, being told "it will sort itself out eventually" or things like "well thats how it is, if you dont like it you know where the door is" and countless other refusals to even talk about whats wrong in a non confrontational manner let alone try to fix it as a couple Many counsellors tho dont try to give their clients realistic outlooks or help them to be a mentally healthier person thereafter. What they do is try to "fix" them as quickly as possible and the easiest and laziest way to do that is the same way they deal with rape victims Limit the culpability, convince them nothing at all is their fault, direct their recrimination, help them to vent it and then wave them goodbye It does nothing to resolve their issues, UNteaches them personal responsibility and balanced objectivity and leaves them far FAR more likely to have miserable repeat performances in the future either by repetition or because of their very narrow minded view of interpersonal relationships and their complexities or because of the things they didnt learn about their own flaws when they had the chance Which is why so many people make the exact same mistakes, have the exact same kinds of endings to their relationships but STILL always claim its ALWAYS the other person even tho THEY are the only common denominator in all of their dreadfully inadequate relationships Two sayings If you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you have always got and If you want something you have never had before you have to be prepared to do something you have never done before And yes, you did sound very very angry still, more like people should sound BEFORE rather than after counselling Would I be right in guessing it was a female counsellor?

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 791 (view)

can you trust some one once they cheat? Posted: 4/1/2008 9:43:55 AM
Actually heres a thought, that saying that you judge a person by their history There seems to be a hell of a lot of people who have been cheated on LOADS of times Its also a pretty self evident fact that most people who cheat do so because their partner is (in their eyes) not making any time or saving any energy for them even if thats just to talk and actually HAVE the relationship they are supposed to be in So, by the same "logic" should we EVER be stupid enough to date anyone who has been cheated on and more relevantly people who have been cheated on by several partners? As for the changing thing, as the most common reason for someone becoming so disenamoured with a partner and/relationship they cheat its also quite likely that the reason people cant ever trust a person who has cheated on them is really because they know full well that THEY wont change, that THEY will never be prepared to put any more effort into their relationship or be less self focused and THATS why they "know" a repeat cheating will be likely As an analogy, if someone punched me in the face because I called their mum a fat tart could I ever trust them not to do it again? Well, that really depends on whether I can trust MYSELF to not call their mum a far tart again really doesnt it? I COULD take the stance that once they did it once they are BOUND to do it again, but there is always a cause before a reaction, thats why its called a REaction to begin with So if I know the cause then whether I can trust there wont be a repeat in the future depends not on whether I trust them, but whether I trust myself to change first And accepting ANY personal responsibility in situations like this is where most people fall flat on their proverbial most of the time There does also seem to be a subtle but noticeable tendency for people of both genders to be more forgiving of women who cheat and claim they were "neglected" and more so if they claim it was because of "feelings", emotion or love......whereas men arent afforded the same luxury even when the circumstances are iidentical and the same people are responding and yet with the inbalance in child access and property laws we have in this country more men are effectively "trapped" in unworkable dysfunctional relationships than women as doing the right thing and leaving first can often leave them without their home, a large chunk of their income, any decent time with their kids or none at all and living in a bedsit while their ex has the house to hump her new "friends" in And as many form their first long term relationships many years before they have the faintest idea what they want there are a hell of a lot of people in relationships they shouldnt really be in As such, many if not most of the ones who cheat in those relationships dont cheat with any of their subsequent partners because they have more wisely chosen and more fulfilling relationships they arent so "stuck" in to begin with So perhaps we should be looking at the lack of common sense dating someone who has been cheated ON as much as people seem to with those who have been the cheater? And anyway, how many people do you think ARE even honest about cheating in their past? I bet loads lie through the skin of their teeth about it but are still seen as a "better bet" than someone they are/were seeing who has only cheated the once which I find extremely ironically comical really lol

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Topless women's Victory In Denmark Could Effect UK... Posted: 4/1/2008 7:42:55 AM
This is a far more complex issue than it might look at face value As someone else mentioned theres the comment about sexuality That comment is utter feminist controlling mind rot really when you think about it We have no control over other peoples thoughts or feelings, we cant control whether something we do or say will cause offence to someone or have them thanking us and similarly the owner of the breasts cant "will" her decision that today her tits arent sexual objects onto anyone else And if that WAS wanted then an outright ban on any clothing that accentuates and sexually presents breasts would seem in order to allay any confuddlement on whether they are or arent "sexual" things, because the majority of womens fashion thrusts forward the impression that they most definitely ARE sexual aspects of a woman Another side is the social views in play Some people WILL either due to different cultural backgrounds or religious beliefs feel bare breasts is unnacceptable, are such peoples views irrelevant? I might think my penis is perfectly natural, but I would guess that many of the women who would support bare breasts might fight against bare penis's and even against other women who would rather total nudity was legal, where if any should a line be? And whos views and sensibilities should be upheld and whos ignored as irrelevant? I personally think what should have happened IF anything at all, is that perhaps they should have had days where in certain areas it was permissable with an equal or higher amount of time and places where its not to accomodate everyones views and preferences really These women WANT to bear their breasts and dont want to be MADE to cover up But what about an equal consideration of people who dont want to see bare breasted women and who dont want to never be able to use public facilities again because they will or could always be on show? Another slightly dot joining exercise in thought here too We are being told as tho its fact that exposure to seeing size 0 women causes other women to feel self conscious and eat themselves into obesity As breasts are (although its conveniently ignored for this particular topic) sexual aspects of a womans body, used by them to attract men and seen as sexual aspects of a woman by men what effect will the firmer more amazingly perfect specimens have on the self esteem of the majority of women whos breasts arent quite so firm, pert, large, well shaped or well proportioned? I wonder if this whole thing was funded by the association of plastic surgeons, the psychiatrists guild, a collection of gyms and diet programme vendors collectively to try and drum up a bit of business And I think support for it rather than being based on a genuine love of being topless will in many cases be more to do with the subtle social power trip of "hey look at these/this......but you cant touch, oggle or objectify it/them or youre in big trouble" that a lot of women seem to get off on nowadays Presenting themselves in a beknown to them extremely sexual manner then kicking up a fuss if anyone dares to see them in a sexual way (unless of course they fancy them in which case its fine lol) The whole world is going nuts I reckon

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 80 (view)

What is LOVE??????? Posted: 4/1/2008 7:21:17 AM
What is love? Well if you boil it down to a fundamental level its a mental illness when you think about it Its responsible quite often for turning someone from the person their partner did love into someone else that they lose interest in, makes people irrational, lacking in common sense and often paranoid and fearful Society bombards people with many silly notions about love and people add their own to the pot, much of the way people will try to describe their "love" is really just them talking about their own wants, desires and needs from the other person and doesnt talk about the person they claim to love at all (think about it) Much that people nowadays call love is really just lust, its superficial, is based on attraction, chemical releases in the brain and squelchy feelings elsewhere How many peoples "loves" could still make their heart miss a beat today just by seeing a photo of them? How many would be rendered adolescant if they found themselves face to face with someone they loved in the past? Love as far as I'm concerned cant dissipate, it doesnt fade, it doesnt need the person to be with you providing the fringe benefits but can exist and live on long after the person is gone and even when you love or have loved one or others since I'm not exactly a romantically impaired type but the available language is limited on the topic so excuse the sillyism lol, but love as far as I am concerned isnt transient, its only truly realised when someone really touches your soul and the deepest darkest depths of your heart and those kind of fingerprints never fade and will still have some tenderness for the rest of your life Less than that is, in my opinion less than love. And the transient superficial tripe many claim to be love nowadays just cheapens the real thing by misusing its name The term is used by people with internal moral conflicts with an itch to scratch because claiming they were in love at first sight means they wont be called a slag, its used to limit criticism for what otherwise would be villified such as infidelity and a lack of decency and integrity, its used to defend doing things you know you shouldnt be doing but really WANT to do, its used to defend apathy and fear of being alone by perpetuating loveless dalliances out of convenience and personal gain But when someone wheels out the "its love" defence people back off and put their common sense aside so the term gets overused and massively out of context Love is being prepared within some bounds, to make sacrifices for another and expect nothing in return, not even thanks Love is putting another persons happiness above your own physical and emotional needs (ie, you CANT scupper someones chances of a job they have always wanted but that means you would hardly see them and call it love because its simply self interest being mislabelled as an example, though many DO do things just like that and call it love, its selfishness and thats not a part of love (apologies for saying do do btw ) Love is a feeling that if you turned around "they" would be right there, an almost real physical perception/feeling of their prescence no matter the distance between you Love is feeling worse about their pain in an arguement than your own Love is being prepared to bear their views, feelings and problems and REALLY listening to them even when you know you are part of the cause of them and will need to make changes as a result Love is valueing someones flaws, weaknesses, quirks, foibles and eccentricities as much as their stregnths and plus points, basically loving the entire person and not the good bits while you "put up with" the bad, seeing someone and loving them on balance Love is respecting the views, opinions and beliefs that you dont share without seeking to change them or change your own to match but simply accepting that they are there and are as valid as yours Love is being able to almost well up from looking into a persons eyes in response to seeing their love, adoration and respect for you there Love is feeling "at home" with someone no matter where the two of you are, as tho you are in the absolute right place you should be with the absolute best person you could be with Love is being able to see ways someone else is better than a partner but them somehow inexplicably not even measuring up to them despite that But, love is also one of the biggest curses we inflict upon ourselves Love can steal years of our lives by either spending them with people we love but who dont return it, love can steal more years spend languishing over someone we still love who isnt there anymore, love misplaced can cause people to cut ties with friends, family and even who they themselves are even tho none of those things are really a part of "love" at all Love, or moreover it not being reciprocarted costs many people their lives each year because of their inability to cope without someone their own lack of mental health and imbalance, but their love or perceived love is still the trigger Failure to find love amongst other things causes a mass of pill popping prozac dependants And the list of downsides the blinkered romantic fluffies would prefer to conveniently ignore just goes on and on love that isnt returned sucks love doesnt conquer all, and believing that is the shortest path to complacency ending it Love doesnt excuse piss poor behaviour or disrespect, but thinking that is a good way to lose it Love would never cause your life to be worse when its there, so if your social life, interactions and self esteem are fading then its not love Infact I dont even think its better to have loved and lost than never loved at all Many "thought" they had loved and had fulfilled lives till the real thing came along and was lost, thereafter what was acceptable and fulfilling before felt empty and the real thing was either too hard to find again or held too much fear for them to risk losing again so they limp along in a lonely existence simply because they DID love and where they would have been fine otherwise Being in love is great when it works and one of the most decimating experiences in a persons life when its not And the memories of it whether good or bad last a lifetime when its actual love rather than a fast food modern day "McVersion" of it Psuedo love however vanishes the moment someone know comes along, cool eh? But its not what "love" is, not by a long chalk

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

No longer single...but I'm still on POF Posted: 4/1/2008 5:25:07 AM
OOOh such veiled subtle vehemence lol Actually you were overestimating other members of your own genders level of faithfullness and honesty as its far from a rare occurence for "taken" peeps to be on places like this looking for an improved partner, an additional one or where they have decided the relationship they are in is over but dont want to end it till they have someone else lined up to avoid a break inbetween As a rule they tend to claim they are ONLY on here for "friendship", ONLY or majoratively talk to people they fancy and ALWAYS include a list of likes and dislikes on a potential mate despite claiming they arent looking for one So as there is only your claims that doesnt describe you, and as to most people reading the thread you are a complete and utter stranger its as valid a possibility as any other I think you will agree My personal view on QA topics is that if you arent prepared to (without agressive reactions) hear ALL possible views in response to a question then its best not to ask it in the first place and if you only want people to agree with you or say what you want to hear then thats what psuedo friends are for and not total strangers as they tend to be a bit more honest and far less likely to sugar coat or ego stroke Respect tho for taking some of the comments on board and actually acting on them, that does more than make up for the initially directive wording of the thread header and the stiffled angst and defensiveness lat the responses that didnt fit what you wanted to hear Very few people on places like this want to or will pay any credence to anything but the answers they wanted when they post a thread like this so you should pat yourself on the back for being one of the VERY few apparent grown ups on places like this lol

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 777 (view)

can you trust some one once they cheat? Posted: 3/31/2008 5:37:20 PM
Someone who cheated in the past, will more than likly cheat in the future. And yet 100% of cheaters had never ever in their entire life EVER cheated until the first time, so all of them according to you were far less likely to cheat because they hadnt done it YET Go figure! A cheater is a cheater. Sooner or later, there will be bad times...instead of turning to their mate, they will turn to someone else...and then the cheating begins. Most of those "bad times" are actually their partner being too busy or self absorbed to make quality time for them actually So is that something youre often too busy to do with your partners so you'd prefer someone who will just sit at home and put up with it?

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 136 (view)

Looks V Personality.. Posted: 3/31/2008 11:50:11 AM
And so would living with someone you find physically repugnant but whom had a nice gentle disposition. someone sexy but coma inducingly dull and boring, someone plain looking and violent and any other variation where EITHER the outside or the inside ISNT to your personal preference Good looks and good personalies ARENT mutually exclusive entities as some would try to paint it So someone attractive (to me) and with a personality I cant get enough of plus a debauched naughty streak is all I look for in a woman Cant see why anyone would be prepared to settle for less than both of the first two really Well, other than desperation of being uncomfortable in their own company of course, but I wouldnt dream of saying that on a place like this obviously..... OOPS

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

No longer single...but I'm still on POF Posted: 3/31/2008 7:21:26 AM
Well the first thing that comes to mind is this If those people are such "good friends" then surely they would be in MSN or you would be mailing via normal mail wouldnt ya? Even meeting up in the REAL world? Thats what I do with my actual friends that I've met through websites, infact thats the difference between actual friends and mere online acquaintences or buddies, infact I have quite a lot of female "friends" from another site, some of whom have been friends for over 5 years now, we talk several times a week, meet up at least a few times a year and talk also via email and MSN negating the need for the dating site we met through No subsequent partners have ever had any problem with any of them at all But, were I to have "friends" who I ONLY talked to via a dating site I wouldnt be at all surprised if a partner did see the inconsistency between the label of a "friend" and the surrounding interaction as well as why I didnt just talk to them via MSN or similar but HAD to continue logging into a dating site just to talk to them, not much of a "friend" at all really is it? So that was my first thought, then theres who they are How many of these "friends" did you contact because you fancied them or vice versa? Because it does pretty mucb seem that hardly anyone REALLY makes friends on here, most people will only talk to someone who could possibly be partner material or that they would definitely like to be and tend to not even reply or respond to anyone who isnt their type Dont answer that btw its a rhetorical question as no answer would be believable anyway for obvious reasons But your partner would have a good idea of how many would or could be your type, how many would be likely to constantly compliment you on the hopes of your circumstances changing therefore being an ego boost So really the pertinent aspects here are that a "real friend" wouldnt JUST be confined to a dating site, so there wouldnt be any real reason to log into a place like this for them as you would have contact with them via other online means, the phone or in person anyway So if their "real friend" status is shakey to begin with then whether they shower you with compliments or are people you could fancy comes into relevance and could then be quite reasonably seen as your exit strategy or back burner buddies just incase it doesnt work out so you dont have to start building up a new crop of admirers from scratch And then theres new people on here, if you are ONLY logging in to talk to these REALLY good friends you dont have contact via ANY other means with then obviously you most definitely DONT strike up or respond to conversation from new people do you? Or do you? And surely not ANYONE who might be your type? Now please dont think I'm taking a pop at you because I most certainly am not But you asked a question but worded in such a way as to direct people towards validating what you are doing, what I am doing is merely ignoring the directive bias, interjecting some dissassociative objectivity and giving you a different perspective/paradigm of the scenario you quite selectively portrayed Food for thought if you will Oh and As for just looking at pic without reading profile, their problem, they are not really interested in you as a person but you as a sex object, the same happens with others on here, i.e me! I have had couples mail me when my profile states monogamy! . Erm it IS a dating site, so chances are they arent seeing her as a sex object at all, just someone who isnt AVAILABLE, unless of course youre suggesting everyone should mail all the taken people in the hopes of a bit on the side or being kept as a "friend" until the relationship ends??? If someone who already has more than enough friends logs on here to specifically find a partner of some description why oh why should they waste their time and prop up the ego of people who already have a partner? Answers on a post card

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 132 (view)

Looks V Personality.. Posted: 3/31/2008 7:00:19 AM
Many people whinge about looks not being as important as personality et al But heres a good acid test for ya as to whether you are even being honest to yourself Well two actually First one Youre in a relationship, you reallly love your partner, but, as much as they love talking to you, doing things with you, going places with you etc etc they WONT< under any circumstances have sex with you and NEVER want to see you naked even by accident because physically they find you repugnant, but they sooooooo love your personality Would ya feel all special with butterflies in yer tummy? Second one Youre out with a partner, they meet a group of friends and say to their friends "this is my new partner I told you about, as you can see they are really really unnattractive, but their personality is totally amazing" Did that warm squelchy feeling build up when you imagined that? Coz surely if whats on the outside ISNT important niether of those should be a problem should they? because if your "outside" is irrelevant then you shouldnt really be expecting a partner to see you as attractive or find you sexy physically, because thats "just the outside" after all If (as I suspect) on the other hand you wouldnt be happy with either of those scenarios then the outside IS important and all the "ooh its whats on the inside that counts" is merely self delusionary bull crap As a third acid test consider this Someone 3 foot six but weighting 25 stone? Could you fancy them even with the worlds best personality? How many could fancy someone with 80% of their face severely disfigured in a fire? Hell, for a far more obvious one how many women who use the "its whats on the inside" drivellous mantra wont even date someone shorter than then lol, well shock horror, hiegt IS on the outside Infact most of the people who use that inane idiom do infact have their own preferences including hieght, hair or its colour, build, ethnicity, taste in clothes and many other things all of which are quite unbelievably ON THE OUTSIDE Go figure eh? I have a thought, this whole mindset seems to be with the intent of negating the validity of OTHER peoples preferences, in effect making even the wobblyiest munter (where everyone stupid enough to buy into the politically correct hogwash) a "possible" partner for everyone thus upping their chances of finding someone if nobody rejected them on physical appearane So, if that was the case they would then be able to wheel out THEIR list of physical and external preferences and choose from a much wider crop, is that the aim? Because realistically people crooning the "its whats on the inside that matters" effectively give up ANY right to having ANY external preferences of their own at the risk of being a completely insideous double standard toting hypocrite But lets not cloud the topic with common sense, objectivity and intelligence eh? Then again tho, those are allowed coz they iz all "ON THE INSIDE INNIT" lol Infact the thought processses that make someone not fancy someone are also "on the inside" so is the dislike, feelings of queasiness, lack of attraction and the like allowable but not acting on them when a munter wants to hump ya? Confusing really innit Oh yeah. a last thought, the wanna be politicians who witter on about "well its all subjective isnt it, so what one person finds attractive might not be attractive to someone else" to basically talk on the topic but without really saying anything that everyone over 8 doesnt already know anyway Being ugly and undesireable is ALSO subjective too tho so why be so stressed about people who DONT find your "outside" attractive? Someone somewhere will so whats the problem? Why prattle on as tho you think everyone on the planet SHOULD see you as potential partner material without being able or justified in using a dislike of your physical appearance as a reason? I bet nobody who uses that nonsense is that unchoosy themselves are they? So why expect everyone else to be or complain when they arent? And has anyone noticed how a person saying they like slim women will be totally villified (oddly enough by non thin women), but when someone claims they like large women they are praised for having good taste by the same large women? Well news flash, BOTH as size preferences and as such BOTH should be equally condemned or deemed acceptable So the truth of the matter is that its not about preferences at all in reality, its just a lot of sour grapes from people whining about others daring to have preferences that exclude them whilst being all chirpy and smily about people who have preferences that INclude them at the expense of excluding others Anyone need to look up hippo crit?

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

Broken Britain!!!!.......Can we fix it ? Posted: 3/31/2008 6:39:41 AM
Youth culture today is NOT a result of education and upbringing. Really? It is a result of people/youngesters leanring from what they see and hear though. Isnt most of what they see and hear either part of their education or upbringing or indirectly allowed through one or both tho? Do you seriously think that schools teach how to be anti-social and bad mannered?? Of course, if you dont TEACH them to be another way then you ARE teaching them to be that way by default The children have no consequences to be mindful of in schools anymore, the right to discipline children has long gone now. Children are not allowed to be shouted at, told off in front of other children or humiliated in any way, shape or form. And that isnt an aspect of the education system how exactly???? The 'naughty stair' so reccommended for children playing up at home is not even allowed as a 'naughty chair' in schools as it's classed as humilliating the child. The absence of alternative action IS by itself an action, and IS also still part of the education system so how do you try to claim that ubringing and schooling niether of which teach a child respect and socially acceptable behaviour ISNT by default teaching them the complete opposite? If you dont actively teach a child its wrong to steal then however the left wing tree huggers try to dress it up you ARE therefore teaching them its ok to steal The failure to instil one set of morals and values IS by default equivalent to teaching them the alternative set through that failure Hell, its not like they all get abducted by alien who brainwash antisocial behaviour into their skulls after all is it? They are taught what they can or cant do by what they are PERMITTED to get away with or have no worthwhile punishments for That IS teaching them its ok to be little twats, more so when the do gooder liberals actually reward them for being poorly behaved with holidays, days out and other special treatments well behaved kids DONT get

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 117 (view)

Looks V Personality.. Posted: 3/30/2008 8:29:13 AM
Ok, so hand up how many men or women have looked across a crowded room full of strangers and thought WOW, I like the look of the plain, non physically sexy persons personality over there in between those attractive people..... Then went over and talked to the plain non physically sexy person based on their long range personality assessment and not bothered talking to any of the people in the room they DID find visually sexy? Any? Point and case I think The reality here is that looks matter, and even if personality is more important its usually looks that makes someone want to explore someones personality to begin with Unless youre totally desperate why on earth would ANYONE randomly talk to people they DONT find attractive to see if THEY have a likeable personality unless they are purely looking for platonic friendship Thats as applicable to women as it is men, so I really dont think the ugly bloke IS making wild and innacurate assumptions at all personally We DO go and talk to people we find attractive, theres nothing wrong with that, and if they bore us so much we wouldnt even want a one night stand we go and talk to someone else who we find attractive when dating or sex is the driving force behind mingling Infact even when people are just mingling for the heck of it many studies have proven that even people who arent available and arent looking would still majoratively tend to talk to people they find attractive I certainly wouldnt talk to him in a club and I doubt you would either EDIT for following post No offence, but do you REALLY think anyone DOESNT realise that? You might as well state that breathing is a good habit to get into really as thats just about as obvious although it doesnt let you post on the thread without actually stating your stance on whether you DO talk to people YOU find attractive rather than ones you dont would it lol So the point here is for people to subjectively and personally say whether they are more likely to strike up a conversation with someone they find subjectively and personally attractive rather than someone they find subjectively and personally UNattractive But thats so obvious it doesnt really need to be so clearly and finitely stated for MOST people hehe ;)

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 115 (view)

Looks V Personality.. Posted: 3/30/2008 7:19:40 AM
The way I see it is the two work in tandem Imagine both have a scale of 0-100, everyone will have a lower limit on each scale which varies with their importance to that person and many will have an upper limit too set by their self confidence or ingrained views like "pretty people are more likely to cheat", or that "a pretty person will be more likely to trade up later on" amongst others Then theres what someone is looking for, if its just or mostly sexual gratification some will be looking for people high on the looks scale without bothering too much about personality, where a steady casual partner is requires some will expect the personality to have a higher score and wont be so set on a total hotty With partners I think to some extent people can be so taken with a high score on the looks scale that for a while it overshadows a lacking of personality, and similarly can be so taken with someones personality they put up with a low score on looks hoping they will grow on them Basically tho, both are important and the higher the scores on both scales are the higher the chances of a long lasting fascination, and where one is lower than would be peachy its usually someone who isnt lacking in that scale that will be the next partner that person has What I do find odd tho is that many people (usually ugly or self conscious ones) prattle on about wanting a partner to be attractive to you as being "shallow" as they will try to claim that its at the total exclusion of personality, but how is prizing personality at the total exclusion of looks any better? Infact NOT dating someone because they arent hot isnt any different to dating someone who lacks personality so why dont the shallow shouters ever stop being so shallow and give pretty people with the personality of a turd a "chance"? But I think their own hypocrisy is too complex for them to grasp My personal stance on this is that if I dont fancy someone then even if they had the best personality in the world they could never be more than a friend or an occassional recreational bunk up If I fancy someone but their personality isnt as fasctinating then at best they will be a short term distraction or casual partner at best If the personality is fab but theres no lust thats called a friend, not a potential partner Looks and personality arent mutually exclusive, although admittedly there are lots of pretty people whos looks have meant they never needed to develop much in ways of a personality, but then theres also droves of ugly people whos lack of looks caused them not to develop one either Some hot people have great personalities and some ugly people have ugly ones with most people being somwhere between the two Those claiming looks arent important would rarely consider dating someone 3 foot 6 and weighing 30 stone, so in reality they are lying and they just have very low standardds where looks are concerned rather than none which is usually linked to their own self esteem and what they think they deserve in a partner rather than the moral high ground they claim is at the heart of that view My question would be that both are important, so why "settle" for someone you dont want to endlessly and relentlessly ravage with wanton abandon OR "settle" for someone you have to fancy enough to constantly ravage them because they induce a coma when you talk? So I make no secret of the fact I wouldnt want to date someone large, but nor would I want to date someone who didnt have an opinion or view on anything and despite political correctness have always refused to claim otherwise or be an equal opportunity humper providing positive discrimination towards the intellect impaired or obese groups Bit of both seems much better really (even better if theyre in the same person lol), why SETTLE for anything less? (unless youre totally desperate and cant bear your own company of course lol)

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Breaking unfair laws ? Posted: 3/30/2008 6:22:42 AM
Is anal sex still illegal? I;ve broken that one a few times lol I'd take out full page ads naming rape victims until both afforded the same anonymoty without any remorse I'd be prepared to break the law re child support without any guilt under quite a few circumstances No problem at all with people vandalising speed cameras unless they are situated by schools or in residential back streets I refuse to recycle and still wont even when that becomes illegal And I am a prolific fly tipper since my local tip has become such a pain in the ass to use Oh yeah, and a biggy, I've deliberately paid single mothers less for filling the same post than I paid childless women or single men because they just didnt present an equal return for the money due to time off because of their kids which although totally "fair" is as far as some pro feminist tree hugging liberals are concerned illegal lol I speed, and I litter Is shooting pidgeons just for the hell of it illegal? I retain the right to smack my kids if I deem it necessary which I think is illegal isnt it? And I refused to have a TV licence for nearly 5 years despite owning a TV because I never ever switched it on I dont have any pets but I think dog owners should continue to let their dogs crap anywhere until cat owners ALSO have to keep their pets indoors or on a leash Heck, I could probably go on all day if I could be bothered to put some thought into it

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

kinky places Posted: 3/30/2008 6:07:32 AM
It WOULD probably have been getting a blowjob in one of the old style red phone boxes had we not got "stuck" when her nose piercing got caught in my pubes meaning we were still there when a buss full of passengers stopped no more than 20 feet away So as that one is out of the running I would say it would have to be a close call between a serupticious subdued bit of back door action under a quilt on a settee with the womans kids and her ex unwittingly watching TV in the same room, or an impromptu BJ midway through changing a lightbulb for someone whilst her neighbour and his girlfriend were wallpapering 6 feet behind her without realising what was going on

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Broken Britain!!!!.......Can we fix it ? Posted: 3/30/2008 5:57:37 AM
Topics like this are outside the scope of comprehension of the majority of people found on sites like this to even consider let alone form valid views on The main problem with this country isnt the people per se, its primarily their gullibility, apathy and inability to form original thoughts You only have to watch the glut of regurgitated news headlines passed off as "opinions" on these places to see what I mean. And if you then push people to expand on the view, why they hold it, what thoughts and experiences led them to choose that view from countless others or try to get them to question it or discuss its shortcomings and a very common reaction is to be unable to give any reason for a view, be unable to question it or see it question and then become defensive, aggressive and ultimately go running to admin because someone had the audacity to dare to not just blindly agree with a view but sought to actually discuss it On a discussion board too ffs,, oh my god, whatever next!!! We have parents threatening teachers for daring to suggest their little angels could ever do anything wrong, and others criticising schools for not improving THEIR childs behaviour, others threatening neighbours who inform them of their children misbehaving and loads more just sticking their heads in the sand hoping their kids, raised by watching soaps will turn out ok But thats just a microcosm. You cant separate out ANY aspect of life here. You cant say immigration isnt part of the problem, you cant say anything isnt infact. Because all aspects of culture today are catalysts to what culture will be tomorrow. And the inflexible vote grabbing steamrollering of political agendas such as liberal parenting, forcing multiculturalism, positive discrimination, political correctness and everything else that many percieve as making indigenous residents have less rights, less of a voice and less importance accentuates the sense of irrelevance which in turn fuels the apathy and lack of drive I mentioned earlier But that still doesnt mean immigration IS the problem, its just one of the many problems all of which overlap, entwine, reinforce and perpetuate the problems we are facing and that have been forming whilst people cheered or looked the otherway because the media told them they were "trendy" views and anyone who didnt share them was narrow minded, biggoted, racist, sexist, homophobic or any other label they have used to dissuade people from holding or expressing views that didnt fit in with the politics in play at the time For a nation to be how many want it to be it needs values, pride in itself and a sense of self worth and pride in achievements We however are told that all of that is racist, that we should be ashamed of our countries past and even apologise for it even tho none of us were even born when our past was unfolding and even tho those we are told we should be apologetic to have pasts equally as brutal and often more so, we are told values, morals and discipline are outdated unenlightened concepts and that we should be more flexible. But the funny thing there is that most of the cultures the same people would have us revere whilst asking us to villify our own DO quite fervently enforce and perpetuate all of those things within their own cultures yet nobody can see the hypocrisy there it seems This problem isnt a new one, its one that has been growing year on year, generation on generation since perhaps the 60's with each generation being taught any rigidity or discipline they had as a child was draconian and then being "nicer" to their own kids who in turn do the same lessening of parental control with theirs ad infinitum All that is happening now is the degradation in parenting skills is reaching a break point hardly helped by views that parenting should be done with the skill sets taught on a child psychology degree with an endless amount of time expended on the talking, reasoning and behaviour evaluation which is funnily enough pushed along with mantras praising single parenting, careers, hectic social lives and other things that even childless single people would struggle to accomodate in a single week leaving little time or energy for parenting but even many feminists will refer to stay at home mums as tho they are selling out, are unenlightened and are letting the side down Add to the pot higher taxation meaning lesser money for family entertainment, victimisation of car owners which will eventually make visiting family and family days out unnaffordable luxuries and also, where people commute to work means even less time at home parenting and even less energy to do it with Another counter productive hypocrisy that seems to be rarely noticed with all the "lets go green" misdirection so many sheep buy into nowadays despite all the science discounting the entire premise as baseless So there isnt a clear start or cause to this, not JUST the government, not JUST the parents, not JUST the immigrants, not JUST the policies and laws. They are ALL interlinked and inseparable which makes the topic too complex and not enough "fun" for most people and in the same way you cant fully appreciate a masterpiece by looking through a toilet roll tube from an inch away you cant fully grasp problems like we are seeing daily by trying to look as miniscule aspects of the problem or being directed by the media and trendy concepts that lack validity that anything at all CANT be part of the problem, because anything within a society that isnt liked or negatively affects members of that society IS part of the problem whether thats a convenient, trendy or politically wanted truth or not The real solution here is for people to think for themselves, to express a view even if others dont agree with it, if its not popular, trendy or politically wanted. To question everything they hear and even everything they think as that is bourne out of exposure to a life time of misdirection anyway and to form original views based on experience, thought, questioning, research and just a little bit of effort and botheration about the country and their own situation But lets face it, hardly likely to happen until things DO get that bad that we have a social and most probably racial explosion of violence which looking at the signs nowadays isnt likely to be that far off in the future And chances are that even then the government and its self serving, own pocket lining practices wont be called into changing because that, even then would feel like too much effort for the majority of the population And theirin is the problem We have a governmental structure that has realised they arent accountable, that they dont have to really do much, that they can quite openly serve their own personal and business interests and that hardly anyone who speaks out can be classed as a loon, a conspiracy theorist or an "ist" of one sort or another and the majorative sheep wont want to follow them even if they agree because they dont want to be labelled as such even if the label isnt acurate We have a population who blames and then hates who the government and media tell them to without question, who swallow any nonsensical government funded "scientific" findings and whom baulk at the wastage without bothering to find out that compared to what the government wastes per year its a raindrop in an ocean What we have today in britain is our own making, we have allowed it, supported it and perpetuated it and only we can alter it. But we wont because as part of that process we have become easily directed lacklustre sheep who need to be given views so as not to be unpopular, untrendy or be given a nasty label and seem to have forgotten how to form them for ourselves or just lack the energy to do so And any energy we do have seems to be spent trying to find out what group whether the unemployed, immigrants, absent dads, single mums, pensioners, muslims or whoever else the media tells us are the bad guys we should hate and want to see punished until next month when the media tells us its someone different to blame Hasnt anyone else noticed that the last three decades of euphoric liberalism hasnt brought an improvement in tolerance, enlightenment or social values? Its pretty much decimated them to the possible point of no return as there isnt anyone left to remember what we would need to revive Basically we're screwed unless the country is brought to the brink of collapse and there are enough people left to lash out. Shame we dont have the cognitive ability left en masse to correct things before they reach that point really

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

one night stands and pregnancy Posted: 3/28/2008 6:58:44 AM
Princess Fiona, you will have to bear with my limited intellect me being a mere male and all, but could you explain how the four kids you had with your husband is in any way relevant to one night stands coz I cant quite see the link unless youre admitting that he infact didnt father any of them and they were the byproduct of one night fumbles with total strangers in which case it would fit in more on a fraud thread really To know that somewhere out there is a child you will never know or be able to care for is something im not sure i could deal with. I'd almost forgotten that particular old chestnut Funny how thats SUUUUUUCH a big deal to so many women, and yet is never a concern when they want to inflict that exact same thing onto the unwitting sperm donor they used to get pregnant before they'd barely exchanged first names isnt it? Anyway, in the spirit of sexual equality women shouldnt REALLY be allowed to have abortions OR look at adoption, they should really just pop kids out each and every single time they get pregnant when you think about it Because after all they DO tell the fathers that if they have sex they SHOULD accept the responsibility of a pregnancy OR just not have sex at all So isnt it time women started to practise what they preach? But as so many women DONT want to face up to the responsibility of having sex and dont want to and DONT want to not have sex at all when they arent prepared to have the product of their wanton ramrodding sessions then it doesnt really leave them with any moral highground to criticise men who also ONLY wanted sex and didnt consent to parenthood really But equality isnt really very popular with women is it? And faithfey, I really dont see your point. All the things you mention are valid financial concerns but having kids IS always a choice, and that choice is ONLY the womans choice So knowing mortgage protection doesnt cover it and that many employers want employees they get the best financial return from (which ISNT single mums) they should surely be taking that into account when THEY choose whether to have a baby or not After all pregnancy isnt an illness, it doesnt magically happen in 9 minutes and its a condition thats easily remedied. The ONLY way it ever comes to fruition is when a woman CHOOSES to make that the outcome. So whinging about the trials and tribulations that are part of that choice is a bit dumb really If you dont want them dont have a baby, if you want a baby more then just accept all that accompanies that decision and take some personal responsibility for the situation you chose rather than trying to make it about everyone but the person who created the situation in the first place If I decided to go and hitch hike around the world for 9 months and then took random afternoons off because friends and family members had plays, illnesses and other "commitments" and if I claimed I couldnt work away, couldnt work late or couldnt work weekends because of my ferret minder then I wouldnt sit whinging about why my employer didnt want me any more, I would just accept that its because someone who DIDNT have those same commitments presents a far better return for the same wage than i did AND that its because of my own choices Infact the only people the maternity laws are unfair to are men and women who dont want kids, because theyre the ones who have to pick up the slack caused by other womens time off either having or raising their kids but they dont get paid any extra for doing more of the work load how exactly is that "equal pay" when someone who is less flexible and isnt at work as often gets the same amount of pay?

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 213 (view)

Would you kiss the first time you meet? Posted: 3/28/2008 1:25:00 AM
Same answer to whether I'd **** on a first date really Yes if I wanted to No if I didnt, even if THEY wanted to as pathetic copitulation just to avoid awkwardness causes mixed signals which tends to cause far more awkwardness later Do people REALLY need to actually figure out and rationalise this kind of kindergarten crap? Thats just so pathetic really, no wonder so many daters make asylum inmates seem sane by comparison

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

one night stands and pregnancy Posted: 3/28/2008 1:19:58 AM
Whats a "good outcome" in that situation? Someone who doesnt want to be with you but tries it just for the sake of a child they didnt want to begin with? Yeah thats "good" innit Or do you just mean a "good" financial outcome?

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

Is there any real men out there? Posted: 3/26/2008 5:47:36 PM
Well to you it might seem like there was a lot of "analysis" going on there Sadly tho it was just me writing the first thing that popped into my head when I read the thread and took all of 30 seconds start to finish including the typing I guess whats a lot of "analysis" to some poor folksies is just a passing thought to others innit So as much as what you claim is true in some instances the opposite also applies There is also an inability to comprehend quite simplistic points and to see them as massively analytical Theres the seemingly common trait of seeing someone elses simplistic thought as complex and overthought And theres the trait of thinking what takes someone else a few seconds to think and post MUST have taken ages and ages and ages because thats how long you would have taken to have the same thought Cheers for the concern tho, if I ever have a lobotomy and such things did start to feel "analytical" and like a lot of thinking I might heed your advice, till then tho I'll just file it under irrelevant if its all the same lol As an after thought tho post 40, rather than trying to ingratiate yerself by attemting to verbally decimate anyone not ass kissing to the original poster (badly I might add) why not just mail her instead? Its much quicker and far more efficient than waiting for her to mail you with oodles of thank yous for sticking up for her, its less devious AND guess what? Far less overthought hehe

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 83 (view)

Where are all the sci-fi lovers? Posted: 3/26/2008 5:45:07 PM
Not sure its not wanting to "admit" it, its just irrelevant really, and with so many assumptive paranoid types who lack the intellect to move beyond generalisation on places like this whatever you say you like is likely to be assumed to the extreme and interpretted in a negative way anyway Although that said, and considering how little people say about themselves on profiles anyway if someone who said hardly anything else did say they liked scifi then it would seem as tho they were an uberdorky geeky nerdy type who lived in a total fantasy world (other than the online one) and had a very loose grasp on reality Some scifi is ok, some is ace and much of it is total meandouring crap, but to just say "I like sci fi" without qualification would sound like you like ALL scifi, which in turn could easily suggest you have a severe dissassociation with reality My favourite fiction is the news tho, but its nearly always a repeat

Cunning_linguist

Joined: 10/19/2007

Msg: 68 (view)

Chat up Lines Posted: 3/26/2008 5:37:03 PM
Do you come here often or has somebody spilt a drink?

Show ALL Forums